His Greatest Wish, by AndromedaMarine
A/N: This is exceedingly late in posting because I have been sick for about a week, I upgraded my computer to a faster and better one, and college work is catching up to me (at least this quarter). I will try to keep on the 4 to 5 day posting schedule I've had for a while. Apologies for not posting earlier.
To the anonymous reviewer "Alex," your review addressed the traits of the Dumbledore in Harry's lifetime. While I understand where you're coming from in regards to 'how could Sev trust him,' please keep in mind that Sev is a different man than he was before. He has chosen to give Dumbledore a chance to change as well.
To the anonymous reviewer "Sacha," I took from your review only one thing: that you did not read the prologue or catch the references to the prologue. I stated in chapter one that "Forgive Me" is the precursor to this story, and reading that one is essential to understanding why Sev knows so much. His flaw isn't that he too is unaware; his flaw is that he knows everything—except how the timeline will turn out. Please go read "Forgive Me" and you will understand why Sev knows what he does. As I saw no need to keep your review, it has been deleted.
October Wolfsbane
He knew that his turnaround had been swift, unexpected, but over the summer he'd decided that letting Dumbledore know everything was the quickest and cleanest way to go about destroying Voldemort. In the days following his meeting with Dumbledore, Sev found himself thinking about the memories at every available moment. Now, this would have been wonderful for his understanding of what exactly had happened, except for second year studies and the fact that Lily couldn't stop talking about the upcoming Quidditch tryouts in mid-September. Since the Keeper and the Chasers had graduated, four positions were open. The captain and Seeker, seventh-year Cyrus Young, would be conducting the tryouts with the two beaters, Gideon and Fabian Prewett.
As the tryouts approached Sev tried to push Dumbledore to the back of his mind, and managed to for the duration of his session on the new Cleansweep he'd purchased in Diagon Alley; his performance wasn't awful at all. He, Lily, and James Potter made Chaser, and even though Sirius and Frank went out for Keeper, a fifth year, Celeste Kaus, won the position. Cyrus made the comment afterwards that he was surprised three second years had performed better than the entire range of students going out for Quidditch. Sev realized that Quidditch just added on to the things he had to worry about.
Albus gave him permission to work on the Wolfsbane potion in the dungeons, with limited supervision by Slughorn only to keep up appearances. Slughorn turned out to not exactly care, as long as Sev created something incredible and left the dungeon clean when he finished. When he told the Circle of Seven what he was "trying" to accomplish, Remus had an expression of awe and gratitude on his face, Lily voiced her praise, and Frank asked him, "What can't you do?"
The attention, the fame…it was getting to his head. He knew it. He knew he shouldn't show off, but after living in the spotlight of gloom and doom for almost forty years he soaked up the attention like any twelve year old boy with talent would. Sev still hid some of his talent in the classroom, but he began to let some of it show—fifth year level magic in McGonagall's and Flitwick's lessons…he forgot himself occasionally. The meetings with Dumbledore helped when they came along; but it often seemed like once he left the spiral staircase the memories fled and he became a twelve year old Gryffindor once again.
The backwards leap through time was having a negative effect on Sev's mind. The worse memories were fading faster than the good memories (of which he had few, and all were before fifth year), and the affect was strange: the memories faded but his skill didn't. When he tried to articulate this to Dumbledore, even he couldn't understand it…bad memories erased while good ones remained intact.
Because he didn't spend an enormous amount of time on homework like his fellow classmates, Sev was freer to focus on the twice a week Quidditch practices he had with Lily and James and the Wolfsbane potion that would take about two weeks to brew. He started the potion half a month before the October full moon, discussing with Albus the possibility of administering it to Remus within the confines of the Room of Requirement.
"I improved it," Sev told the Headmaster. "It used to only preserve the mind minimally, but with my additions it preserves his mind entirely. He could be in the company of humans and not attack."
"You intend to test it in his presence?" Albus asked.
"Yes. If it backfires I am capable of containing him."
Albus looked a little unconvinced, and changed the subject entirely. "You are getting lax," he stated quietly, gazing into the Pensieve.
"I beg your pardon?" Sev said, furrowing his brow.
Albus lifted his gaze from the Pensieve and stared directly into Sev's hazel eyes. The probe of Legilimency crept into his mind, and Albus could see that the memories indeed were fading. "You are forgetting."
Remnants of the old anger returned into Sev's voice. "What if I want to forget?"
"It would not be wise to. Your memories are what give you the advantage, Severus. Without them I would be as lost in my search to destroy Tom Riddle as I was in your original life. You are changing, Severus, again. You are becoming that which you have tried to avoid—a brash student. At first you confided in me with a great worry that your memories were disappearing, and now, it seems as though you do not care. Is it perhaps that you did not trust me in your other life, but something prompted you to place your trust in me now?"
Can I help it? Do I have control over what time does to my mind?
"Excuses," Albus replied to Sev's thoughts. "I do not think you will ever lose the man you were, the bitterness that reigned when James 'won' Lily. How do you expect to tell her the truth if you cannot remember it?"
Sev recognized that Albus was right, and suddenly realized how complicated things had become. He always knew that lying to Lily would be difficult, but he was lying to everyone—including himself. "I changed after I died, Albus. When I showed you my memories last month it was because I had finally decided to let you have the information you should've had the first time around. The information key to destroying Voldemort."
Dumbledore fell silent and simply studied the grown man in a young body. The headmaster had visited the memories several times, and as he visually inspected Severus he noted several physical differences between the memory and the boy in front of him. "It has done something to you," Albus murmured. "I do not know what…"
Irritated, Sev forced Albus from his mind with a sharp rising of his Occlumency shield.
"You are inconsistent," Albus said with a hint of frustration in his voice.
Most uncharacteristically, Sev's shoulder's sagged and he looked down at the intricate stonework of the floor. "I don't know how to handle it all."
"You did quite well all last year," Albus reminded him. "I had not even suspected anything until the Leaving Feast."
"One man cannot take down the Dark Lord," Sev whispered quietly, half to himself. If he heard them, Dumbledore did not acknowledge Sev's words. He can't have all the cards, Sev thought behind his Occlumency shield. I have to keep a thing or three secret from him…He doesn't know I am attempting to influence Regulus to join the side of good or that Lily knows the Patronus… My former life is an open book to him because of the memories, but this life is the secret. I…I don't want an upper hand, he thought wildly, I want it all to end—the battles, the deaths, the lies—I just want it all to end.
"I wish to be present during the full moon," Albus said, and Sev knew that it wasn't a wish, it was a demand.
Sev tipped his head but did not say anything; he took one sweeping look around the office and departed for Gryffindor Tower. It was Saturday evening, full moon was the next night, and Remus was already in the hospital wing preparing for the ordeal. He started up the stairs quickly, but his mind filled with contradictions and each step he took away from the Headmaster's study was another layer fading from his worse memories. The old man had an old magic about him that anchored Sev's memories and Sev couldn't understand it even though he desperately wanted to.
Despite how much the old man knew, Sev wasn't about to let Albus Dumbledore own and use him again. He was tired of the games, of the tricks. Maybe it would be best to give in—but not as a last resort.
"More spellwork," he lied uncomfortably to the Circle when he entered the common room. Lily gave him another one of those penetrating stares for half a second, one filled with emotion that told Sev she knew he wasn't being truthful. So far, Lily had kept her issues with Sev's behavior to herself, but it was beginning to eat her up inside that she knew he was lying and no one else did. He shook off the nerves that activated with Lily's glance and began helping Peter write his Potions essay. He vaguely noticed Potter and the Prewetts in one corner, hunched over something much like the Weasley twins used to do.
Alice moved to sit beside Lily. "What's wrong?" she asked, looking sideways at her friend.
Lily shook her head. "Oh, it's nothing," she deflected, returning her attention to the Transfiguration text in her lap. "Nothing at all."
Alice touched Lily's arm. "It's not nothing," she said quietly, so the boys couldn't hear her. "Whenever Sev says something you look at him with a funny glint in your eyes."
"Look, I'll tell you later, when we're in the girls' dormitory." Lily secretly breathed a sigh of relief that she could finally talk to someone without initiating it. Later, as the fire started to burn down and the common room emptied by a slow trickle, the Circle of Seven packed up their schoolbooks to head to bed. Lily gave Sev their usual goodnight hug and she and Alice disappeared up the staircase with their bags slung over their shoulders.
"Spill," Alice whispered without a smile when they were in the dormitory. Tess, Mary, and Laura were already deep in sleep. Alice set her bag down on her bed and then sat down on Lily's. "Come on, spill! You've been doing that with him since last year, but now it's just more noticeable!"
"Really?" Lily said with a worried expression. Her dark red hair fell over her eyes. Alice nodded. "He's lying to us."
Alice scrunched her nose. "What do you mean? Why would Sev lie to us?"
Lily shrugged her shoulders helplessly. "I haven't a clue! That's why I look at him like that, I'm trying to get a read off him, and he's so mysterious that nothing works."
"Maybe it's the mystery. You've known him the longest, Lily. Hasn't he always been like this?"
Lily tipped her head noncommittally. "If he has, I never noticed. He always answered me when I asked questions about Hogwarts and the Wizarding world before we came here, but since then…it's been like something blocked him off from me. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't trust any of us, especially me."
When Laura Kingsley spoke, Alice and Lily jumped about a mile. "This is just an observation, and I'm sorry I was eavesdropping, but it seems to me that Severus never asks for you opinion. It's like what he thinks is superior or something."
Alice glared at Laura for the uninvited interruption, but acknowledged that her words rang true. "Laura is right," Alice said to Lily. "He may be talented at spellwork but now that it's been mentioned, it does seem like he never asks for an opinion. He only imposes his."
Lily didn't want to admit Alice was right, but this wasn't the time to get into it with Sev; the full moon was just the next night and Sev had told her he was going to see if the transformation could take place inside the Room of Requirement this time, if the potion worked like it was supposed to. "Honestly, Alice, I don't think I could fight with Sev. He's my best friend—if we fight about his lying to us he might end up hating me." She said this softly so Tess couldn't hear from her bed across the room.
A little fearfully, Alice asked, "Do you want to go through life having him tell you what to think?"
This left Lily speechless. She stared into Alice's eyes and then slowly slid out of focus, seeing beyond her friend and through the wall of the castle out into the world, where she knew she would one day make her mark. Sev couldn't take that away from her. Alice patted Lily's arm and began moving around getting ready for bed, her own mind mulling over everything that had just happened. Was Severus Prince really lying to the Circle of Seven? It didn't surprise the future Auror that Lily was the first and probably only one to pick up that Sev was being untruthful; after all, the Muggleborn had known Sev the longest out of all of them and seemed to have a better understanding of his moods.
Alice fell asleep with conflicting thoughts over her friends. Lily fell asleep with Sev's thin face etched to her vision, her heart questioning her best friend's character and whether a fight would really tear them as apart as she imagined.
Late Sunday afternoon Sev went straight to the infirmary to see Remus. Moonrise was in only a few hours, and under his robes he had the phial of Wolfsbane ready to have Poppy Pomfrey administer before Sev, Remus, Poppy, and Albus were in the Room of Requirement for the transformation. He knew that Poppy wasn't happy about the arrangement Dumbledore had made; a second year student in close confines with a fully-transformed werewolf? He must be barking mad, the witch proclaimed on several occasions after the subject arose.
"Rem," Sev said as he sat down carefully beside Rem's bed.
Remus blinked and looked over at Sev; his face was contorted in the pre-transformation pain he had never gotten used to. "Sev," he managed to say before cringing again.
It tugged at Sev's heartstrings like it had never done before. Seeing him in pain made it a hundred times worse—even during Harry's third year he'd never seen Professor Lupin exhibit this much agony before a transformation. But generally the ability to control outward indication of the pain came with age. Sev had long ago understood that Remus Lupin was a strong man. "This'll help, I promise," he said quietly and showed Remus the phial.
Hope and gratitude flared in Rem's eyes. The unfortunate werewolf managed to arrange his lips into a small smile for his friend, never knowing that in a former time they'd been enemies.
The Room of Requirement transformed to resemble a padded cell on the psych ward. Having already downed the potion, Remus sat on the floor and his breathing became labored. With one glance from Albus Poppy left; the Headmaster took out his wand and held it by his side, watching Remus with curiosity and concern. Sev stared at his friend, hoping the new brew would be effective while simultaneously knowing it would be.
The first spasm hit Remus without warning. The new potion took away most of the transformation pain but not all, and the transformation itself was unaffected. Sev and Albus watched with fascination and slight horror as Remus became a wolf. Sev had only seen this happen once before, and at the time Professor Lupin hadn't taken the Wolfsbane. The transformation complete, Remus looked through wolfish eyes from Sev to Albus, and back to Sev.
"Rem?" Sev asked a little cautiously, slipping his wand surreptitiously into his hand from the holster. "Can you understand me?"
The werewolf before him bent his head down and then upwards.
"Can you…can you speak?" he asked next, knowing the answer already.
Remus shook his furry head and sank back down onto his hind legs, turning towards the wall.
"Remarkable," Albus said plainly. "True talent there, Severus," he continued, putting his wand back up his sleeve. "I would stay and observe, however, Professor McGonagall has brought to my attention some pranking by James Potter and the Prewetts…three members of your Quidditch team is a bad percentage to have in detention…" As he turned away from Remus and towards the door, he whispered to Sev, "It seems to me that eventually this potion will put a bee in Dolores Umbridge's bonnet."
Sev fought down a smirk as Albus exited carefully, making sure there was no room for escape between himself and the door. The silence fell over them quickly. After several moments, Sev realized he had never really discussed the lycanthropy with Remus from a personal view. He sat on the floor a good distance away, but still within proper Stunning distance if something went wrong. "Do you ever remember details about your transformations?" he asked in a low tone. It would be a long night.
Remus tipped his head in such a way that Sev read it as, "Only bits and pieces."
So you never actually remembered transforming outside the Whomping Willow after that night. You never really remembered attacking…
Moonset came in the early hours of morning, and Sev watched through tired eyes as Remus transformed back into himself. He took another phial from his robes and handed it to Remus, steadying his friend's shaking hands with his own. "It's a pain reliever," Sev told him, helping him to his feet. "Madam Pomfrey wants you in the infirmary," he continued a little unnecessarily, trying to hold in a smile that the potion had worked flawlessly.
"Thank you," Remus managed to say softly as he used Sev as an anchor.
Sev supported Remus as he took him down to the infirmary, his mind going over a thousand things. He would try harder to stay in control like he had been last year. Things would work out—and if they didn't…at least he'd received time with Lily that he'd never thought he'd have.