His Greatest Wish, by AndromedaMarine
Against Slytherin
The first weekend in November came almost without anyone noticing that Halloween had already passed. James, Gideon, and Fabian's prank on Apollyon Pringle earned them a week's worth of detention and a very unhappy Cyrus Young (they missed three Quidditch practices during the fortnight before the match against Slytherin). The old Sev would have been silently smirking about Potter landing himself in detention, except he'd managed detention practically just before the opening match. Cyrus gave James and the Prewetts a good talking-to after the last practice before the coming faceoff. James, Gideon and Fabian returned to the common room looking thoroughly thrashed; James didn't even make a wisecrack about how red the captain had gotten while yelling at them.
To make matters worse for James, Lily went up to him and said, "I hope you're happy you and your stupid stunt probably lost us the first game of the season, Potter."
Sev smiled to himself as he watched Lily cut into James again, but he had to agree with her. Slytherin was good this year, he remembered that much, and if Potter wasn't up-to-par with the rest of the team they wouldn't flow well as the Chasers. As much as he disliked admitting it, Sev had actually started to get to know James a little better than he had before, because the three of them had to find a synchronicity that allowed them to score under pressure. Sev allowed himself to think that maybe now there would be even less of a chance that Potter would vie for Lily's affection. He had discovered that being in the air made his mind clear—it made him feel young. During the practice following his last meeting with Dumbledore, Sev realized that he had been making things far too difficult—too complicated for what he had initially intended.
Lily needed to know, yes, but her age was still a major problem. He didn't want to tell the Circle of Seven, because despite their magical bond and his trust in them, if his secret reached too many ears it would be a secret no longer. He was holding on to his old self too strongly; if he didn't let the old Sev go, he would never be able to forgive himself for ever uttering that word. And he never had forgiven himself, not even in his afterlife…but time would be vital to how things played out. His ability to predict events effectively ended with his own Sorting.
In the Gryffindor common room the night before the match, Sev, Lily, James, Celeste Kaus, Gideon, Fabian, and Cyrus sat around a table next to the window. Rain battered against the wrinkled pane like bullets, reminding all the players that they would be playing in similar conditions the next morning.
"Now," Cyrus said, "remember that they have four new players, just like us—but if I know Soren Flint, he probably picked for family name and wealth instead of talent, and I picked all of you for talent."
Sev felt slightly odd. Slytherin hadn't always been paid off for team membership—in the years of his teaching before Harry came, the Slytherin Quidditch team only lost to Gryffindor because Charlie Weasley was league material, but the Slytherin players were still very good. Sev hoped that James wouldn't suddenly start showing off for Lily because if he did, it might mean losing the match if Celeste didn't get the Snitch. They couldn't be more than a hundred and forty points behind or else they would lose. As they sat there, Sev went over the different maneuvers they'd learned in all the practices. I hope Celeste is as good a Keeper as Oliver Wood will be, he thought to himself.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lily turn and look at him; he felt his face heat up a little and it took him a moment to figure out why. For almost two seconds, her gaze was filled with an intensity he almost didn't recognize as utter determination that she would have her way. And he knew she was thinking of exactly two things: winning the match, and getting the truth out of him.
Cyrus made the team go to bed early, wanting everyone well rested for the match.
Sev stumbled up the stairs, his mind far from Quidditch, as he still had the image of Lily burned into his mind. The intense gaze she'd directed at him for a few moments dragged up old memories of days when he would simply sit and watch her, transfixed, unable to look away for her beauty. He remembered thinking she would one day be his wife, that they would be together and nothing could tear them apart. Oh, how wrong he had been.
Sev didn't notice when James pushed into the room behind him, still appearing upset over his detention. Suddenly James turned to Sev and asked, "Why did Evans say that to me? Doesn't she know Gid, Fab, and I were still getting back at Pringle for what he did to Weasley last term?"
Pulled out of his rather depressing thoughts, he studied James's face for a few moments. "Well, Potter, she was right. If you and the twins hadn't gotten into trouble, you might've been present for the practices we needed to defeat Slytherin tomorrow."
"You're saying she was right to say that to me in the middle of the common room for everyone to see?"
One of Sev's eyebrows went up. "Yes."
"But we're a team, we're the Chasers—"
"Yes," Sev interrupted in a calm voice, "and by purposefully doing something you knew full well might land you in detention, you broke that cohesion we've been working on since we started practicing back in September."
James stared at Sev in silence. "You and Evans seem—"
Sev cut him off again. "Lily and I are best friends."
Irritated, James said, "I was going to say that you and Evans seem a lot closer than I originally thought you were. And yes, Severus, I am aware you and Evans are best friends." James turned away with a dark expression haunting his face. Without facing the former Potions Master, James continued. "Look, I'm sorry we missed some practices, and I hope it doesn't come between our teamwork tomorrow. I want to win as much as you do."
I was afraid of that, Sev thought in a recessed part of his mind. It seems like it's always been about winning with you. "Right," he said noncommittally before changing into his pajamas and wrenching the hangings around his bed. He nearly hexed Potter when James pulled the hangings open again.
"I said I'm sorry," James said forcefully. He saw the wand in Sev's hand and released the hangings. His arm fell to his side.
Sev realized he shouldn't have pulled his wand out, and slipped the wand back up his sleeve and into its holster. He looked up at James's face, that face he'd loathed for so long, and said three words that were hard to say. "I forgive you."
James didn't say anything, but his eyes conveyed a small measure of relief that maybe he wouldn't be ignored during the game because of his and the Beaters' stunt. He slid Sev's hangings shut again and left him alone.
Sev sank down and closed his eyes, unwillingly remembering what it was like to be apart from Lily, and praying that it would never be like that again.
He didn't want to eat in the morning. As he, Lily, and the Circle of Seven walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast, his stomach wouldn't sit right and he couldn't stop thinking about too many things. He felt Lily grip his hand and hold him back as the rest of the Circle went into the Hall. She smiled up at him and led him down the same passage he'd led her the year before, and she stopped at the same tapestry.
"Last year you cheered me up about having friends," she started. "And now I guess this year it's my turn to cheer you up by saying that we'll do great out there. We're going to win, Sev. Cyrus told me that we're the best team he's had in a couple years."
"He did?"
Lily tipped her head and looked back up into his hazel eyes. She had pulled her red hair up into a ponytail for the match and her green eyes stood out. "I know we haven't had much time alone together since the summer, and I know right now isn't the time, but I want to talk to you later. Like, really talk. We never do that anymore, not since we became the 'Circle of Seven,'" she said with a lopsided grin.
Sev swallowed, his stomach twisting a little more. Before he could stop himself, he wrapped his arms around Lily's small body and drew her into a tight hug. He clenched is teeth together when he felt her hug him back. "After the match," he whispered into her sweet-smelling hair. "We can take a walk."
They parted and returned to the Entrance Hall, but Lily dropped his hand before they entered the Great Hall. He wanted to ask her why but refrained when she ran to sit next to Alice, making sure there was still a spot next to her for Sev.
James entered the hall a moment later and found a seat with the Prewetts farther down the table from the Seven. Sev watched as James pulled a piece of toast onto his plate and stare at it. The expression on his face remarkably resembled the one Harry wore the morning before his first match against Slytherin. Sev managed to eat a few kippers and down a mug of coffee before the four Houses started to depart for the stadium.
The Circle wished Lily and Sev good luck, all of them smiling their widest. Sev and Lily walked with James and the Prewett twins to where Cyrus and Celeste were waiting by the double doors. "All right Gryffindors," Cyrus said with a cross between a smile and a grimace on his face. "Let's go beat some Slytherins."
Sev couldn't help but think that was a poor choice of words, considering the Marauders used to "beat" him in his previous life. He wanted for Lily to take his hand again, but when he reached for it she brought it up to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
Down in the changing rooms, Sev grabbed his Cleansweep and went out to meet the rest of the team in the corridor before they would fly out into the November rain and begin the Quidditch season. He stood in between Lily and James, the center Chaser. Before he knew it the door had opened and they were off in the air, the rain biting through their Quidditch robes and the cold soaking their bones. Sev made eye contact with both Lily and James just before Madam Hooch tossed the Quaffle into the air, and swooped in to seize the red ball before the Slytherin Chasers had a chance.
The Gryffindor Chasers began a mid-air dance that kept the Quaffle away from Slytherin as they made their way down to score a goal. James passed the Quaffle to Lily, who made to aim for the center hoop but at the last second threw it through the left one. She scored.
Sev lost track of time as the game progressed, and it wasn't until almost an hour later, when Gryffindor just managed to pull ten points over Slytherin, that Cyrus spotted the Snitch and went into a dive near the center of the pitch. He almost hit the ground but pulled up just in time, the tiny golden ball struggling in his raised hand. The final score: 340 to 180. Sev's gloved hands were numb, his face couldn't move that much, but he met Lily in the air and they descended to the grass, wild grins on their faces for the win.
Soren Flint's brawny team landed several feet away, expressions of anger on their faces as they stomped by the cheering Gryffindor team. The stands began to empty and the Circle of Seven reached them first, screaming congratulations and giving crushing hugs to Sev and Lily. When Lily and Sev broke away from the group Sev gave her a tight, one armed hug, his other hand clutching his Cleansweep.
"Congratulations!" he yelled over the din of voices and approaching thunder. A crack of lightning prompted the celebrating students to start moving back towards the castle.
It was almost half an hour later before they managed to change into dry clothes and meet outside the portrait hole so they could talk. Lily didn't want to go to the Room of Requirement because the Circle of Seven could interrupt them, so Sev suggested the Astronomy Tower. He still associated that tower with the death of Albus Dumbledore, but it was one of the quietest places in the castle besides the West Tower and the Room of Requirement.
They walked in silence all the way there, almost a meter of distance between them as they went. Lily kept running over things in her mind, wondering how she would go about trying to get the truth from him, and Sev knew without a doubt that Lily probably wouldn't take no for an answer this time. He would have to convince her it was for the best that he wait to tell her. They ascended the spiral staircase without speaking, and once they emerged onto the cold, rain-soaked battlements, Lily turned to him, drawing her cloak securely around her body.
"I tell you everything," she began without preamble.
"I know."
Lily's eyes became unreadable. "But you don't tell me everything."
"We all have secrets," he said quietly, looking down at the stonework floor of the tower.
Her eyebrows furrowed. "Could it really be that bad to keep it from me? Whatever it is, I can tell it's destroying you from the inside out," she stated bluntly. Anger had crept into her voice. "Haven't you heard it isn't healthy to keep things bottled up?"
Sev's gaze immediately rose to meet hers. "I don't—"
Lily cut him off by lifting her hand. "It's not fair," she said, and Sev heard the anger disappear to be replaced with pleading. She was guilt-tripping him, he knew it, but he knew that she was still too young to understand. The magic behind it all was impossible even for Dumbledore to fully grasp.
"Nothing is ever fair." It wasn't fair for you to die. It wasn't fair that I expected you to accept me despite my Dark tendencies. It wasn't fair at all. "It doesn't matter right now anyway," he insisted. "Either way you'll be angry with me, and I'd prefer you to be angry when we're older. You know how to hold a grudge, but it won't matter because I can't say anything. Not yet."
"Not yet," she echoed with an expression of incredulity on her beautiful features. "Apparently you can't see that I'm concerned about whatever it is you're keeping inside, because it's obvious to me that you're lying to us. To the Circle."
Sev's eyes hardened and his jaw clenched. Lily saw him stiffen but she didn't waver. In fact, she moved forward so she could grip him by the forearms. He twisted his arms in her grasp so his palms faced upwards, and he held on to Lily so that their arms were mirrored. His grip was gentle and he felt her shiver through the connection.
"I don't like the tension, Sev." She said his name so perfectly, he closed his eyes. A blast of wind reached them under the covered battlements and their cloaks whipped around. "I hate not knowing what you're thinking about. You used to tell me everything."
"It's different now," he said, opening his eyes. The intensity of her green orbs threw him off balance for a moment. The phantom pain from Nagini's fangs rose to his neck once more.
"Different how?" she demanded, her eyes flashing. "We're still best friends, we're in the same House, we see each other every day—how is this different?"
"Do you trust me?" he asked softly, his voice barely carrying above the noise of wind and rain.
Lily nodded. "Of course I do, Sev. I've always trusted you." Her hands squeezed his arms.
"Then can't we forget about this for a while? I'm tired of the accusing looks you keep sending me. I promise I won't keep it from you forever, but please…be patient."
He saw the hurt enter her eyes for a fraction of a second, and instantly pain shot through his heart. I love you, he thought sadly. I love you and that's why I have to wait to tell you.
Lily nodded and her eyes studied their connected arms. "I just want you to know, Sev…no matter what it is…I promise that if it's as bad as you seem to think…you're my best friend, Sev. I'll always love you no matter what."
Sev knew she did not mean that she was in love with him, because he was never sure that she did fall in love with him. The only thing he knew was that he loved her, and he would do anything to keep her out of harm's way. Even if it meant for her to hate him for a while, if she did not die Sev would be content. From the instant of his return he knew this would not be easy. This would not be a walk in the park. This would be hard, taxing, and potentially problematic if he went about it wrongly. One ball was rolling with Dumbledore and the Horcruxes, another with keeping Pettigrew on the side of good, one more with drawing Regulus in, and the final one with Lily.
Sev had practice being patient and he knew he would have to be patient in this lifetime as well. Telling Lily about his past life was something he could only do after they were a little older. Time is what he had needed…and time is what he had been given.