His Greatest Wish, by AndromedaMarine

The Pensieve

As the summer passed with a lazy slowness, Sev became steadily became more and more worried about how Lily would handle the news of his time travel from a previous future where she'd grown to hate him and married Potter. Being under the Trace really sucked, because despite the fact he lived in a magical household, his mother forbade him from using magic unless she was home—and he couldn't very well organize his memories without magic or a Pensieve, and he wasn't about to do any complex spells in his mother's presence.

Sev and Lily spent nearly every day together and Lily saw his distress, although he tried to hide it. Lily found she could evoke a smile whenever she talked about how amusing it was to watch Vernon and Petunia interact.

"I'm amazed he hasn't broken all our kitchen chairs to kindling just by sitting on them," she mused one lazy afternoon as the sky threatened a warm summer shower. "Any fifteen-year-old covered in that much blubber…it's actually rather revolting that Petunia sees anything in him at all."

"Doesn't his father own a profitable drill company?" Sev asked, his eyes closed as they lay in the grass by a clean part of the river that ran through Nurren. Lily was several inches to his left, and despite the warmth of the day he could still detect her body heat.

Lily made a noise that meant yes.

"Well it's the money, then, isn't it? If he's filthy rich she doesn't care what he looks like."

The redhead snorted. "I wouldn't say filthy rich. You're filthy rich, Sev—Dursley is only worth a tiny fraction of what you've inherited." She didn't see the blush that spread across his skin. "I guess I was right when I said Petunia would go for Potter, then, if he wasn't magical. Not handsome at all."

Sev grinned, his eyes flickering open. He moved his head to look at her. She met his gaze and smiled as well. "How do you think Dursley would react if he knew we're magical?"

"Oh, he'd probably high-tail it back to whatever snobby neighborhood he lives in, afraid that Petunia might start turning teacups into mice or something like that."

Sev burst out laughing, his mood lightening instantly.

Lily was getting impatient.

More than a year had passed since their fight and Sev still remained silent.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"When were you planning on being honest with me? You promised you would."

Lily saw sadness creep into his eyes a split second before he looked away. They'd just gotten back from shopping in Diagon Alley with their friends, and Lily felt as though she was going insane.

"This isn't something simple, Lil," Sev replied, hating that he kept reiterating himself. "It's not something I can just tell you. I have to show you."

Now she was confused. Show me? What on earth would he have to show me that he can't show me now? "Wha—"

He seemed to read her mind. "It'll have to be once we're back at Hogwarts, Lil, it's the only way. The first Saturday back, I promise—we'll go to the Room of Requirement and…and I'll show you."

"It has to do with magic, doesn't it?" Lily said, remembering her conversation with Alice. Maybe it's not what she said… She watched as Sev nodded his head. "Magic that you can't do at home," she continued, drawing her own conclusions. Sev was proud of how observant she was, even if it got overbearing at times.

On a sudden impulse Sev reached out and grasped both her hands in his. He felt a shiver go down his spine when Lily laced their fingers together. "Magic so complex it's impossible to understand," he whispered. "It's not in any books—trust me, I've looked—and I doubt Voldemort himself even knows it exists."

"Sev…"

He shook his head. "I'm not trying to wind you up, Lily," he said firmly. "But I need—I need to, er…prepare you," he finished awkwardly.

Lily didn't say anything, watching him. She didn't trust herself to speak.

"How do you remember me, Lily?" Sev asked, his throat tight. "Before the first day at Hogwarts, how do you remember me?"

"Prickly," she answered after a few moments. "You had a prickly disposition…kind of dark, and you were bitter. Really bitter. But it changed the day before we came." Her brow furrowed, she was deep in thought, sifting through her memories. "It surprised me, actually, how fast you changed…" she trailed off and her eyes wandered a little before she gazed into his eyes. "The nightmare," she whispered, suddenly remembering a small part of their conversation from the day he came back.

Sev spoke no further.

True to his word, the morning of the first Saturday back at Hogwarts Sev sat in one of the common room armchairs waiting for Lily to come down. He'd spent the previous night putting his memories in the right order (and omitting a few) after securing the Pensieve and the vial he'd agreed to let Albus hold on to. As he sat he fidgeted, focusing on the feel of his wand in his hand. As much as it pained him, he was prepared for the idea that Lily would hate him for this—that she may never speak to him again…but it would all be worth it as long as she remained alive. Already things were accomplished that he'd never imagined while waiting in the interim. So many lives already saved.

Lost deep in his thoughts, he didn't hear Lily descend, and he jumped when he felt her rest a hand on his shoulder. "Oops," she said. "I guess I should've been louder coming down, huh?"

Sev rose fluidly to his feet and encased her in a hug. It surprised Lily, but she returned it and in the back of her mind wondered why Sev was acting as though he'd never see her again.

"Come on," he said softly. "The Room of Requirement is all ready."

Lily didn't bother to note his reaction or even look at his face when she slipped her hand into his and squeezed. "You've got to relax," she said as they exited the portrait hole and headed in the direction of the Room. "When you're tense it shows; sometimes it's scary, even. It's almost like you're a different person entirely."

Sev didn't reply. Instead, he gripped her hand more securely. Several minutes later they were in the Room of Requirement. Sev silently asked the room to seal itself against any and all unwelcome intruders, aware that at any moment a member of the Circle of Seven could come bursting through and stumble upon something very personal, unexplainable, and potentially friendship-ruining.

He turned his back to her for a moment, collecting himself. When he turned around again, Lily almost didn't recognize the sad, pain-filled eyes that stared out at her.

"Do you trust me?" he asked with no leeway in his voice and no levity in his dark hazel eyes. He looked frightening, in a serious, no-nonsense sort of way that made a pang of something pierce deep in Lily's stomach.

Lily Evans stood about four inches shorter than her fourteen-year-old best friend. She stood almost two feet away from him, but after he asked his question she took a step forward and lifted one of her hands to touch his cheek. He couldn't stop himself from leaning into her hand. "With my wand, Sev," she answered, echoing his words from almost three years ago.

He swallowed hard, squeezed his eyes shut, and let out a deep breath. "I'm expecting you to hate me for this," he muttered, but Lily's sharp ears heard him anyways.

The agony in his voice made her throat tighten.

"All right," he stated, trying to strengthen his resolve through sheer willpower. "I still kind of have to prepare you first."

Lily's brows creased. "How do you mean?"

Sev glanced over at the cabinet near the wall that currently held Dumbledore's Pensieve. He'd borrowed it for the morning, and had promised to return it that night. "What's the most outrageous thing you've ever heard? Something so incomprehensible it's a miracle anyone even believes it? And it happens to be true?"

"Well," she answered slowly, "before meeting you I'd never have even guessed that Merlin was real."

"Good, good," he replied, pleased with her answer. He unconsciously wrung his hands a few times before taking comfort by feeling his wand in the arm holster. "Now, I'm sure you're aware that memories are the most powerful form of evidence, right?"

Lily tipped her head slowly, not sure where he was going with this.

"A true memory is flawless—it doesn't have the telltale signs of construction, like contradicting details or a foggy appearance."

"How do you know all this?"

He smiled grimly. "You'll find out in a few minutes, trust me." He steered the conversation back to his point. "Sometimes memories can be implanted or altered, but there will always be traces of the magic used to change the memory."

"What are you saying?"

Sev took in another deep breath and let it out. "I'm going to show you my memories—unaltered, flawless memories."

An expression of incredulity and confusion blossomed over Lily's features. "What on earth for? What could you have to show me—"

A simple look at her with sharp eyes cut her off mid-sentence.

"Oh," she whispered, her eyes wide. "That's why you wanted me to think of something unimaginable."

Sev merely nodded once and held her gaze as he flicked his wand into his hand.

"So how does this work, exactly?" Lily asked, eyeing his wand and then looking back up into her best friend's dark eyes. "I won't actually be able to walk into your head, now, will I?"

Her words made a smile tug at the corners of his lips. He shook his head and pointed his wand at the cabinet. The door creaked open and he levitated the Pensieve towards them, releasing the spell when it was in front of the two of them.

"What's this?" she asked softly, staring down into the swirling, glowing contents of the basin.

"This is called a Pensieve. It allows one to view memories objectively, allowing the viewer to catch details they may have missed the first time around. I don't know if you remember everything we talked about the day before we first came here—you remembered the bit about a nightmare—but I want to show you that memory…and some other ones."

She looked worried.

"I'll be with you every moment, to explain things as best I can…but I can't promise it won't be shocking—or even incomprehensible."

"I dunno, I have a pretty active imagination," she replied, her knuckles white as she fisted her hands in anxious anticipation. Her mouth had gone dry.

Sev examined Lily's face with a new curiosity. "What would you say if I told you I'm from the future?"

He watched as her eyebrows shot up. Her jaw dropped a little.

"What would you say if I told you that my 'nightmare' wasn't my imagination—that it really happened, and I was given the chance to come back and fix things?"

Lily swallowed, not sure if she wanted to believe him or not. "Fix what, exactly?" she asked with a nervous timbre to her voice.

"My greatest mistake—if I hadn't made it, you never would've died."

Her heart beat so fast she couldn't keep up with it, her face was drained of color, and her knees had lost the ability to effectively hold her up. She started to waver. "You're serious?"

Sev's eyes gave her the answer. "I've never been more serious in my entire life—which, incidentally, isn't as short as you might think."

Lily spoke almost breathlessly, her eyes wide as she tried to absorb all the crazy information Sev was telling her. "Tell me one thing, Sev, before we do this…just one thing. How did I die?"

It grieved him to say it, oh how it grieved him…but he had to honor her request. He focused on her brilliant, shimmering emerald eyes. "Lord Voldemort struck you down as you tried to protect your son from him."

Lily nodded, although Sev knew she didn't understand.

Sev gestured to the Pensieve. "After you," he stated. "All you have to do is dive in. I promise I'll be right behind you."

Lily took one last long, hard look at her mysterious best friend before she drew in a breath and let herself fall into the mist of Severus's memories. Barely a second later, he appeared beside her. They were on the sidewalk nearing Lily's house on August 31st, 1971, eleven-year-old Sev walking a few paces in front of them.

The redhead watched in fascination as her younger self ran from the house towards the memory-Sev. It was how she remembered—Sev was acting much different than the day before, and she listened intently as the younger Sev mentioned the nightmare.

"Sev?" memory-Lily asked softly.

Lily noticed that as memory-Sev looked up at her younger self, the young boy flinched in pain, as if something had stabbed his neck. "Yes?"

"Were you going to tell me what made you...made you hug me?" She ended the question very quietly, and her cheeks had gone bright pink.

"I—Well, last night I guess you could say I had a...nightmare. When I woke up I thought long and hard about it, and I...I realized some things. Things that sort of go against the beliefs my ancestors firmly held. That it doesn't matter where we come from or whether our parents are wizards or not—because choice is the greatest influence."

Memory-Lily stared at him, dragging her feet in the gravel to stop the motion of the swing. The Severus in the memory did the same. "But why did you hug me?" Her face was still red.

There was a pause before he answered. "In the...nightmare...you died. And it was my fault. When I hugged you it was to convince myself that it really was just a dream—that you're still alive and don't hate me."

She frowned. "Why would I hate you, Sev?" she asked curiously.

He answered quickly. "Because Petunia is angry about me telling you about magic, and it made her hate you. You treasure her friendship, Lily...you could've hated me for putting that rift between you and your sister."

"You lied," Lily realized. "You lied about why you hugged me…and why I would hate you."

Sev swallowed. "You asked me why I hugged you. The truth is I hugged you because I hadn't seen you alive for so long and I couldn't stop myself."

Before Lily could ask him how long was so long, without any warning the scene changed. They were in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, watching the Sorting. Lily immediately saw that she and memory-Sev were standing together, but she wasn't holding his hand, and he appeared more interested in the Slytherin table than reassuring Lily about the Sorting.

"This isn't what happened," Lily whispered when memory-Sev was called to the stool and promptly placed into Slytherin. "No!" Lily exclaimed, and she rounded on the Sev she knew. "No, no, you aren't a Slytherin, Sev, why is this happening? This can't be real—"

"These memories do not lie," Sev whispered fiercely. "I was Sorted into Slytherin."

Lily stared at him with wide eyes. It changed again. Lily and Sev were a few years older, fifteen, and walking outside through the courtyards.

"You look different, Sev," Lily observed. "You look…unhealthy…awful…like you aren't getting enough sleep…"

"I didn't care about my appearance," he answered softly. But it only gave Potter another reason to torment me.

Lily watched and listened in horror as the memory-Sev defended the Slytherins who had repeatedly tormented Remus and Peter in their reality.

The real Sev felt his throat close up when memory-Lily looked at memory-Sev in disgust—it was too much to see the expression on her face for what he was doing—who he was defending. He and Lily were arguing about what Mulciber did to Mary Macdonald.

"That was nothing," Sev heard himself say. "It was a laugh, that's all—"

Memory-Lily glared at the memory-Sev. "It was Dark Magic, and if you think that's funny—"

"What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?" demanded the memory.

"What's Potter got to do with anything?"

"They sneak out at night. There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

"He's ill, they say he's ill—"

"Every month at the full moon?"

"I know your theory," memory-Lily said scathingly. "Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"

"Wait," Lily interrupted the memory, speaking over it. "Why don't we know about Rem's furry little problem? Can you pause this?"

Sev muttered a spell and the memory froze. He forced himself to look into her beautiful eyes, and he saw that she was trying to hold her emotions steady. "You cared about me so much, Lily…and I was too proud to believe it. I was too proud to understand and appreciate that you only wanted me to be safe."

He felt Lily grip his hand and his heart nearly broke. "I don't know that boy," she said, looking around at the scrawny fifteen-year-old wizard that appeared so different from the strong, healthy, and handsome Sev that she knew. "From what I've seen and heard…you're from the future, where this was your past," she said as she gestured around them. "You were Sorted into Slytherin, were friends with the sons of Death Eaters, didn't know about Rem's furry little problem, and were too proud to accept my—her concern about you. You didn't care what you looked like." She said it all out loud to organize her thoughts.

Sev merely tipped his head. His heart pounded with a rapid rhythm against his ribcage.

"What about the Circle of Seven?"

"It didn't exist, Lily. I was in Slytherin, I was surrounded by pureblood-fanatics and any self-respecting Slytherin pureblood-fanatic steers clear of Gryffindors. Except… well, except for me, since I considered you my best friend. Remus, Sirius, and Peter were friends of Potter's. It took them a few years to finally corner Rem into telling them his secret, and after they knew they learned how to become Animagi so they could transform with him."

Amidst all this confusion, Lily's lips quirked into a quick, but small, smile. "Are you an Animagus?"

"Yes," he replied quietly. "But I won't transform here. These memories are the priority right now." He wasn't sure how to gauge Lily's reaction. He'd expected her to become horrified at him, bitterly angry for it…but here she stood, gripping his hand in hers in an effort to anchor herself to the only reality she trusted—the one with her Sev.

"All right," she said, "make it go again."

Sev waved his wand and the memory resumed.

"I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are," memory-Sev explained.

"They don't use Dark Magic, though." The memory-Lily's voice dropped. "And you're being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and James Potter saved you from whatever's down there—"

The memory-Sev's face contorted and he said entirely too quickly, "Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends' too! You're not going to—I won't let you—"

"Let me? Let me?"

Memory-Sev struggled for words. "I didn't mean—I just don't want to see you made a fool of— He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!" He said it unwillingly. "And he's not…everyone thinks…big Quidditch hero—" He couldn't speak properly anymore.

The memory-Lily's eyebrows were traveling up her forehead. "I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag, I don't need you to tell me that. But Mulciber's and Avery's idea of humor is just evil. Evil, Sev. I don't understand how you can be friends with them."

"Again," Lily said quietly, and Sev knew to stop the memory in its tracks. It was just as well, as it had ended and was already morphing into his worst memory. He was grateful for the stop. She dropped his hand and paced away from him, turning around to study his face. Her eyes were unreadable. "It was Remus, wasn't it? In the Whomping Willow?"

"Yes."

"Did James Potter really save you?"

"Yes." He was keeping his voice even…calm. The emotions raged beneath his collected exterior.

She frowned. "Why did you go there to begin with?"

"Black thought it would be an amusing prank," Sev replied, bitterly remembering the viciousness of Sirius Black in that life. "He was more willing to see me die than Potter was. At least Potter had the brains to stop me from ever getting as far as Remus."

Lily's eyes saddened. "Wasn't there the Wolfsbane potion?"

Sev shook his head. "That wasn't invented until after we graduated. What I make for Remus now is a better, modified version of what was created then."

She looked away from him. "You couldn't stand the idea that James fancied me, could you?" she asked without any inflection at the end of her question.

"No…no, I couldn't. And I still can't. Although you seem to have it well under control," he added.

"With your help," she said. "I never would've been able to pull that off without your spell."

Sev neglected to respond to her statement. Instead, he said, "Lily, the next memory…it's my worst. My greatest mistake. I don't want you to see it, but you must. You wanted answers, and this…this is..." he couldn't finish his sentence, his throat closing on him involuntarily.

Confused, Lily didn't speak as Sev waved his wand and let the post-OWL exam memory begin. He turned his back on it, walking away so he couldn't hear the laughs, the jeers, and the coldness of memory-Lily's voice as she vocally placed her loyalties with the Marauders. He wasn't far enough away, however, to not hear his hot-headed, sixteen-year-old self utter the monstrous word.

When it ended he waved his wand again and the memory was stopped from continuing on to his branding ceremony with Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

Sev heard her walk towards him and move to stand in front of him. "There is no excuse for calling you that," Sev said through his tears. He kept his eyes and face to the ground, unable to bear looking at her for fear that he might see loathing there. "No excuse, no forgiveness, nothing. I was stupid, Lily. I never forgot that moment, never—and I still haven't forgiven myself for it."

Lily silenced him by lifting his chin with her fingers. He squeezed his eyes shut, not bothering to wipe away the tears leaving tracks down his cheeks. He couldn't face those green orbs even with all the strength in the world.

She spoke with a voice so soft and full of emotion at first Sev thought he must've imagined it. Her hand moved to his cheek. "That boy isn't you, Sev. You can try as hard as you like to convince me that it's you, but it's not. He may look like you, have your voice, your blood—your mother—but he isn't you."

Sev bit back a sob.

"I can tell from how things progressed in this lifetime…you joined him, didn't you?" she said in her quiet voice. He nodded, his eyes still squeezed shut. Sev heard her let out a breath and take in another in response to his confirmation. "Sev…I don't think I need to see any more."

For this he was so grateful.

"Hey," she continued softly after a moment, "will you look at me?"

Slowly he let his eyes flutter open and he blinked the blurry tears away. Her face hovered inches away from his, her wide green eyes staring straight into his soul. He didn't bother to put up the wall—she knew everything anyway. Her hand dropped to his neck, directly over the place where Nagini had once bitten him.

"How do we get back to the Room of Requirement?"

Without answering, he reached down and tugged her elbow upwards with his hand. A few moments later, they were back in the familiar confines of the ever-changing room, the Pensieve floating innocently nearby. They were in the same position as when they left the memory, inches apart, Lily's hand resting on her best friend's neck.

"We need to talk about this," she said, her eyes never leaving his.

"How can you not hate me?" Sev asked quietly, wondering how he could've predicted her reaction with such bad accuracy.

"Why should I? Do you want me to? Am I supposed to? I told you before, Sev, I'm a big girl. I can handle the truth. Yes, it's big and complicated—bigger and more complicated than I ever imagined—but that doesn't change the fact that you…that you're not…" she couldn't find the right word. "You said that last memory was your greatest mistake. That other you using a very Slytherin word… You didn't come back just to save my life, did you, Sev?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Why else did you come back?" she asked, still looking at him.

"I had information key to destroying Voldemort," he said. "Now hundreds will live instead of dying needlessly."

Lily fell silent. She searched his eyes for something unfamiliar—for something that might tell her she didn't know some part of him. She couldn't find it. "How old was I when—when I died?" she asked softly.

"Twenty one."

Lily sucked in a breath. "Barely out of Hogwarts…" She blinked rapidly, her mind working ten times as fast. "But—but did you fight him? Is that what happened? He killed me and you and tried to kill our son and you came back here—?"

Sev cut her off, his heart clenching both painfully and wonderfully at the idea Lily thought Harry was his son. Lily's eyes began to leak. "You didn't marry me, Lily. After I called you—that—you barely spoke to me."

"Oh, Merlin," Lily realized. "I—she—she married James, didn't she?"

Sev didn't have to nod for Lily to know she was right.

Lily turned away from him for a few moments, mind racing. "Sev—if you didn't die when I did…how old were you? What happened?"

He'd known she would ask. "I became a spy for Dumbledore, while allowing Voldemort think I was actually a spy for him. I taught potions here for sixteen years and defense for one. The moment he started hunting you…despite everything I was on your side—"

"—Sev! What happened?" She lifted her hand to his neck again, curling her fingers a little into his skin.

He swallowed. "I was thirty seven. Voldemort's snake, Nagini, bit me. Here." He put his hand over hers where it rested on his neck. The only reaction she exhibited was sadness flooding her eyes. "I have almost forty years of memories, but most of them are fading. The bad ones are fading. What remains are the happy ones…and my skills from that life. Spells…curses, countercurses, potions…my Animagus form..."

To Sev's surprise, Lily smiled—a smile that reached her eyes. "However you think I'm supposed to react to this, Sev—my best friend is from the future! You know more spells than the staff! How could I possibly hate you for wanting to save my life so much that you got a second chance at yours?" She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

Sev's arms snaked around her waist, and after a moment he lifted her into the air and twirled around. He grinned as Lily laughed. When her feet touched back down to the floor, she kept her arms around him and put her head to his chest. "Oh, Lily," he breathed as he rested his head against hers.

"What does this mean for us, Sev?"

"Hmm?" His eyes were closed.

"Does this mean that you—that we—I mean, obviously you care about me, so…" she trailed off, still facing his chest.

Sev moved his hands to her upper arms and stepped back a little to see her face. "Lily?" His heart beat a little faster than usual.

"Oh, bother. Alice said to make it easy for you," she muttered, her cheeks suddenly very red. "She thinks you…you know…like me." Her eyes suddenly met his in a hard gaze.

He felt his cheeks heat up a little, but he smiled despite how weak his legs felt at the moment. "Lily—I haven't deserved you, but it's a physical impossibility that I might ever stop trying to."

At this, Lily didn't have a reply. Instead she leaned up, pressed her lips to his cheek, and then embraced him as tightly as she could, smiling into the crook of his neck when he hugged her back.

Me too, Sev…me too.

A/N: As before, anything and everything you recognize from the seventh book, chapter 23, is purely JKR's.