A/N: I'm back! I know it's been a while, I haven't been very well, and study and work have been quite overwhelming. I decided I wanted to spend my birthday writing/ chilling out, though, so the plan HAD been to read through the fic to remember what the hell was going on and then update on Monday, but I grossly underestimated how long reading/ editing little mistakes would take, so you get me today :)
This is a chapter I was kind of dreading, not only because of the subject matter, but more just because writing a whole scene between two Reginas from a writing perspective promised to be a bitch and a half... I was right :p I hope it reads okay, though. I struggled with this one quite a bit, which is my super subtle hint asking for you to be nice/ not too critical in your comments, heh! Reviews would be very much appreciated though, I've missed you guys!
Waiting for Emma to close the door to the guest ensuite behind her, Regina closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath before turning heel and stalking back into her bedroom.
"I don't know what you're so sour about."
The Queen greets her with a pointed flex of her hands against her restraints, and the Mayor flashes her teeth in raw fury and she shakes her head; at a momentary loss of just how to articulate her rage.
"Will the Saviour not be joining us?"
The Queen inquires silkily, offering a slow smile as Regina shoots daggers at her; the Mayor's lips forming a hard line as she drinks in the physical embodiment of her hate.
"Pity. I'd almost taken a liking to her."
The woman on the bed sighs in the face of her better-half's silence.
"Shut up."
The Mayor demands, meeting cruel mirth with unbridled disgust, and when the Queen opens her mouth in a bid to disobey, she wills the latter's tongue to tie itself to the roof of her mouth; watching solemnly as her darker-half makes a choked noise and struggles to breathe. Her spell feels fragile, however; her power perfectly matched with that of the Queen's and weakened in that strange sense of familiarity.
Like battling like.
Never. We look alike, and that's as far as it goes!
Regina seethes silently, but she knows that when it comes to magic, it's a little more complicated than that.
And we don't look alike... Not anymore.
No, and it's not just the Queen's leather and lace that set them apart, but the ugliness of the darker woman's expression. The hatred curdling just beneath the surface.
"What's your plan then, Genie?"
The woman on the bed demands; relishing the flicker of disquiet her better-half tries to hide.
"Don't call me that."
"Why? We always liked it when daddy called us that when we were young."
"We're not young, and our father isn't here. You saw to that."
"Ha!... That's not how this works, dear. You don't just get a free pass from all that you've done now that you've cut your ties with me. I am you. I was you. I will always be you."
"And yet, your wishing otherwise allowed Miss Swan and I to escape."
"No. Her wickedness did that."
"You'd allow her such praise?"
Regina asks, surprised, and the Queen bites her lip as she appears to ponder over the question before offering the Mayor a perversely seductive shudder.
"Oh, we've had an interesting couple of days, Emma and I, but I've acknowledged the little bitch's few redeeming features several times now. Benefited from them, actually. I-"
"-You should never have touched her."
"Why? Jealous? Don't answer that, I already know."
"Of what you've done?!"
"Oh? Did she tell you? Did she-"
"-She doesn't need to tell me the particulars of the hell you've put her through the last couple of days for me to know, unequivocally, that I find your behaviour abhorrent!"
"Oh?... Well, I suppose that's because you can make a better guess than most as to what fun games we might have played... I took all of the best parts with me when you cast me out, dear, including lustful fantasy and the ability to follow through. To take. To demand. To explore where others would not."
The Queen wets her lips with a sly flick of her tongue before musing delicately
"It wasn't all me, you know? The Princess isn't innocent, far from it... Oh, but you've often wondered about that haven't you? Wondered what she might sound like if you just allowed yourself to-"
"-Enough!"
"Never... It's not my fault you missed out on playing with the toy you've coveted for so long now because you were too busy trying to figure out the instructions while I decided to step in, give it a good shake, and get it working."
"Don't talk about her like that."
Regina snaps.
"Why shouldn't I?! I took something you wanted and tried to break it while having my fun. What of it? You took something of mine of far greater value than that mouthy waste of space; you took my home from me! My body! My soul! You threw me out, believing you could do something so sinful without any repercussions, and now you have the audacity to think it your place to command how I distract myself with something you weren't even using!... You never could share..."
The Queen snarls, and Regina shakes her head as she bends down to retrieve the bloodied knife from the floor and holds it out accusingly.
"I cast you out because you took up space I was no longer willing to allow you! You were ruining me! That's all that you do! You ruin, you hurt, you destroy, and for what!? We both realised quite some time ago that it doesn't get us anywhere! Doesn't fix anything; doesn't solve anything. We blamed Snow, and we blamed her Prince and his seed, and the child those two brought into this world. That world. We let that hate make us into something rotten, and ultimately weaker for it. You objectifying the Saviour doesn't diminish her, it just makes a mockery of what you, what I, what both of us have been through!"
Curling her lip in disgust as she considers the blood muddying the blade in her hand, Regina catches her breath- her anger setting her heart racing and lending her voice a hoarseness she fails to hide- and she accuses the Queen quietly
"I cast you out because you're evil. I hadn't realised that you were also a fool... But you must be. Why else would go for the one person that might have helped you? That has always tried to help us? You say you're angry with me, but Miss Swan seems under the impression that your main objective was to torture her mother... She makes a good point when arguing that nothing about how you've gone about things has anything to do with Snow. Snow doesn't even know Emma was missing! So why take your anger out on the Saviour?"
"Who said anything about anger, dear? It became anger when that little bitch upended her own bag of tricks. Before that, I was simply bored. You want me to explain myself when I don't need to anymore, and it's wonderful. I do what I want, when I want. Emma's correct, I wanted revenge on Snow, but she's not going anywhere. The Saviour promised to serve as an interesting pastime, and hell knows, I was due a little fun. If she'd just played along nicely, none of this needed to happen. You should be thanking me!"
"How do you figure that?!"
"Two days ago, the most interesting part of your day was a half-glass of wine before dinner, and the closest you'd come to exploring your ever-evolving infatuation with the Sheriff was an accidental bumping of hips and that one wet dream you vowed never to think about again. Without me in there taking the reigns now and then, you're a knitting hobby and several cats away from being a lonely young spinster; the very embodiment of beige. Thanks to me, you're out fighting, surviving, living again, and you can put an end to your pathetic uncertainty over what that idiot woman thinks of you. Whether she thinks of you. How she thinks of you. Honestly, what is it with the two of you? Worrying, fretting, wondering; too cowardly to move forward! I made that move for you, dear. I made that move, and took what I wanted. Two days with me and Miss Swan's no longer fooling herself into thinking that a dull rut followed by a night tossing and turning next to the pirate is the best that's on offer... You say that I am the sickness, the darkness, the worst parts of you, but I'm the one that had that little bitch whimpering our name. I'm the one that ruled a kingdom and set the world on fire. I'm the one that takes. That revels. That lives... And you're the husk that's paying for it."
The Queen spits, and Regina swallows as she tries to wrap her mind around everything she's just heard, and she suffers a terrible ache in her gut as she feels a faint hint of wistfulness for what the Queen claims she's lost.
Pulling herself together and once more brandishing the blade, she corrects her darkness.
"No. You're the one that stuck a knife into Emma's side without batting an eyelash."
"Neither did she."
The Queen shrugs.
"I know... But I don't want to be that person. I don't want to hurt everyone around me. I don't want to take what I haven't been offered; what wasn't being given. I don't want to derive my joy from another's suffering. Not anymore."
"No? Well, then your pretty little friend out there might soon bore of you, dear."
The Queen warns silkily, and Regina narrows her eyes as she demands wearily
"Why didn't it work? Why didn't it work that night out on the roof? Why are you still here?"
"I don't know."
The woman on the bed answers honestly, casting her dark gaze around the room with a frown as, now that she's spent time back in her palace, the muted colour scheme seems tasteless and unbecoming.
"...What if we need each other?"
Regina asks finally, and she matches the Queen's look of disgust uncannily at the very notion.
"Speak for yourself, dear. I don't need you."
The Queen laughs cruelly, and the Mayor frowns as she thinks back to her conversation with Emma in Daniel's cottage.
"No? Then what do you need? You claim you need vengeance, and to take, and to revel in your misdeeds, but then what?"
"How do you mean?"
"What happens when you've destroyed everyone? What happens when you've taken everything from those around you? Do you honestly think that you'll be happy?... Because I don't. You say you're all the wonderful, powerful, hedonistic parts of our makeup, and maybe you're right in a grossly misinformed, foolish sort of way. But if you're the darkness, and the fun, and the excitement, I'll tell you what I think I am, and it's not the husk. It's not the dull shell stuck with your morals and guilt. I think I'm what you're missing, what you crave, but haven't yet realised, because I can feel something that you can't: satisfied."
Regina muses, dark eyes fiery as she challenges the Queen; suddenly certain that she's right.
"Oh, my dear, don't you worry about my ability to feel satisfied. Why don't you go and ask Miss Swan, she managed to be of help lying in the dirt on the dungeon floor. She-"
"-That's temporary."
The Mayor interrupts, aware that her cheeks burn crimson at the imagery commanded by the Queen's rebuttal, and she lowers herself down to perch on the edge of the bed as she hisses down at her darker-half
"If you had things your way, you would play with whatever took your fancy until you broke it. Where's the satisfaction in that? You and I, we both like nice things. Always have. For better or worse, we like surrounding ourselves with things of value... There's no value in something- in someone- that we don't treat with care. That we don't keep nice. If you remain intent on treating everything- everyone- as though they're worthless, then they will have no worth to you. You will continue to take, and demand, and break, and that's not satisfaction. That's pain."
"Don't you dare-"
"-Why not?! Why shouldn't I? What I'm saying is the truth, and I will share it if I wish to! You say I'm weak and boring now, yet it seems I can still get under your skin... You had something worthwhile, not by right, but you had her. You must have placed some worth on your fucking around with Emma, else you wouldn't have played into our trap after what we did in the dungeon. If you really saw Miss Swan as worthless, you would have plunged that knife all the way in and then come looking for me to finish the job. You enjoyed messing with her, and that gave her value to you, and in the end, that ruined you. That's why you're here, at my mercy, and why I'm not the weak one of the two of us. Because I can feel more than contempt and empty lust for another. I can find satisfaction in the small steps of the relationships I have with everyone in this town you want to destroy... I am perfectly happy with the person that I am, and the way my life is currently going. Do I have everything I want? No. But I no longer expect that to change. I'm no longer waiting for my cup to be spilling over just so that its bounty can drown everyone around me to prove a fucking point!
...I want so badly not to need you... But I suppose, in a way, it's like saying I don't need certain emotions. Like I don't need my shadow... I could exist without you; I was doing so happily. But, you occupied a space within me, a dark space, yes, but I spent a long time trying to control that- to control you- and now there's a hole... It's not a hole most people have, and perhaps they have something else in that space, I couldn't say, I just know that I am fairly unique in the size and the power of what now stands empty. I have memories I no longer feel. I have opinions that I know were mine, that have become untethered and rooted in nothingness... That blackness that you embodied before I cast you out and unsuspectingly allowed you the form you take now, it was overwhelming. You are overwhelming."
"I'm flattered."
"No. You're not. Or rather, if you are, you lack a huge portion of the emotional spectrum that would go with it. I'm not a shell, dear. I'm your shell. I'm what gave you shape and form before magic stepped in and did what it always does and complicates matters. I'm where you belong."
"You wanted me out."
"I wanted to be happy. Just once, I wanted to not feel as though I was drowning in you. Outrunning you, and the consequences of your actions... Well. Now I've quite literally had to outrun you, and it's not better. I'm not free of misery, or sorrow, or hate. I just no longer fear that any of those feelings will choke me and leave me crippled, but is that really worth the risk of allowing you to do that to others? Is feeling pockets of emptiness where once there had been pain any better than at least being in control?!... I no longer think so. Not after what you did. What I did; some rogue part of me that I let free. You could have destroyed something that really matters to me- to us- and you would have felt nothing. But as I keep saying, you are me, and I cannot allow any part of me to behave in such an obscene manner while wearing my face."
Regina sighs, speaking with an air of finality as she glares down at her likeness; feeling both fear and resignation as she comes to the decision of what must be done.
"There's an easy solution..."
The Queen speaks up, smiling conspiringly as she assesses pleasant features cast with exhaustion.
"Hand over control... You don't have to feel emptiness, sweetness. You don't have to feel as though you're drowning, or running, or anything so unpleasant. You can be happy by making me happy. After all, I am so much easier to please than yourself! What I want... It's less complex. Less stressful. Less boring. What I want is so simple, and so achievable. Don't you want to achieve something for once in your life, dearest? You had your chance and you failed even then; failed to eradicate me, and here I am. Full of hopes and desires so easily fulfilled, before moving on to the next. Growing, evolving, succeeding. It's my turn. My turn to rid myself of the parts I find tiresome. My turn to take charge... All of your turmoil could be so easily ended if you were ended. If you disappeared. I could wear this face for the both of us and have so much more fun... I would see to it that Henry was well looked after, I'm not a monster!"
She laughs softly, meeting the Mayor's stony gaze with cold mirth.
"I would treat him well, and if it closes the deal, then I'll promise to keep your Saviour in one piece. She might even grow to like me; she certainly appreciated some aspects..."
The Queen muses suggestively, flashing the Mayor the tip of her tongue, before barking in surprise when Regina grabs her by the throat and digs in her nails.
"You will never lay another finger on her of your own volition, do you understand? You will never speak to my son without my control, and you will never take my place in this world or any other!"
"Oh? And how do you propose to stop me?"
"I'm putting you back where you belong! Where I can keep an eye on you!"
"What if I refuse?"
"Go ahead! See where it gets you."
"What if you can't handle me? What if I win this time? What makes you so certain that you're stronger than me when you've seen what I can do?!"
"I don't need to be stronger than you. I am you. It's all about balance. That's it. That's all."
"And how do you plan to stop me from tipping the scale?"
The Queen snarls, gulping in air as Regina releases her grip and steps back.
"The same way I've been doing for years without giving myself enough credit for it."
"And if you fail?"
"I won't."
"You don't know that..."
The Queen hisses dangerously; her cheeks pinpricked with rage as she struggles against her bonds to no avail.
"I can't fail. It's not an option."
Regina replies simply, turning towards her dressing table and pulling out a small snuff-box decorated with minuscule dancing elephants. Opening the lid and blowing pink powder into the Queen's face, she watches as its magic takes effect before taking her leave while advising over her shoulder
"What I do know is that if I need to, I can ask for help, and it will be given to me."