A/N: Surprise! I know I only updated yesterday, but I was away for a week and so I wanted to give you an extra. And not only that, but when I woke up today this story had 200 followers. So not only gracias (language of the day - Spanish), but also THANK YOU to all of you. If you've followed, favourited, reviewed, or if you haven't but are reading this now, then I love you. And please send me a message on here or tumblr (swarklesinstorybrooke) if you want so I can feel like I'm not just rambling to myself:p

Here's chapter 15. It's a tad longer than the others, and I rewrote this about 2000000 times while drafting, changing one scene. But I'm finally happy with it. So without further ado... enjoy!

This old routine will drive you mad

It's just a mumble never spoken out loud

And sometimes you don't even know why love her

Well you look at her now, and you see why

-First Aid Kit, This Old Routine

The next few days blended into one for Emma. Between work and subconsciously hiding from Regina, she hadn't had a moments rest, and she'd barely ate or slept since Regina got her memories back. She'd continued to stay with her parents, reluctant to go home to an empty and still unfurnished apartment, and they refused to let her sleep anywhere other than their bedroom while she, in their words, 'got better.'

Emma was disturbed from a night of restless sleep by a knock on the bedroom door. Expecting her mother, she beckoned them in, only to be greeted by Henry, bright eyed and ready for the day.

"Hey, Ma."

"Henry! What are you doing here?"

"Mom told me to come and see you for the day."

"That was… reasonable of her." Emma sat up, bleary eyed.

"She knew I missed you, I think. She said it's only fair."

"Well, I'm glad. What do you want to do today, kid?"

"Can we just stay here? I've still got the xbox hooked up from when I was staying, and it seems like ages since I've beat you."

"And you're not going to beat me anytime soon." Emma joked. "Give me a couple of minutes to get dressed, you go and set it up."

The two played until the late afternoon, only stopping so that Henry could eat, with him taking over as Emma's parent in David and Mary Margaret's absence trying to force her to eat too.

"Come on, you have to."

"I'm not hungry!"

"Burgers are good for you!"

"Nice try. Just eat, I'm fine." Henry shook his head but decided to drop the matter, instead turning the conversation tentatively towards his other mother.

"I'm a little worried about mom."

"Oh?" Emma tried to sound indifferent.

"She's been really… upset. She tries to hide it, but I can tell. She doesn't even care what time I go to bed, or if I eat all my vegetables." Henry seemed perturbed, but Emma knew there was nothing she could do to help Regina if she wasn't willing.

"This is probably all just a lot to get her head around. I'm sure she'll be back to ruling with an iron fist in no time." Emma didn't sound convinced, and neither was Henry.

"I should probably go back anyway, she'll be wondering where I am."

"I'll walk you."

Emma couldn't help but feel that Regina allowing her to see Henry was an attempt at mending a bridge between them. And if that was the case, she knew she wanted to talk to Regina properly but was genuinely at a loss as to what to say, as well as how it would be received. Arriving at Regina's porch, she was still undecided, and ended up breathless as Regina opened the door, and she properly took in her appearance. It had only been a couple of days since they had last seen each other, but, as Henry scuttled past them into the house, Emma felt how much she had missed the woman.

Ridiculous things, such as the scar by her lip, and the way she raises her eyebrow when she's exasperated came flooding back to Emma, and she could think of nothing else but how much she needed to take the woman in her arms and never let her go.

"Miss Swan? Are you going to say something or just stand there gawking all day?" Regina eventually snapped her out of it, her voice lacking its usual snap.

"Yeah, uh.. Can I come in?"

"If you must." Regina led Emma into the front room, and neither of them moved to sit down, instead hovering in the middle of the room.

"So, you're… looking good." it was a lie.

"Yes, well, I'm getting out a little more now, and getting lots of rest." that was a lie too, and both women knew it. "What is it you wanted, Miss Swan?"

"Do you ever wish… do you wish you'd never got your memories back?" Emma let the words stumble out of her mouth unexpectedly, and braced herself for Regina's response.

"Yes. Yes, I do." Regina responded with a slight frown, shocking Emma.

"Me too. Even though you were in pain and trying to heal yourself, make yourself a better person, it felt easy. At the end there, I really thought…" Emma wasn't sure why both of them were suddenly being so honest, but she also knew that it would be impossible to stop now.

"I know." Regina interrupted the thought. "Please… I'm grateful for all you did for me, Miss Swan. But I've been having trouble understanding why. Why would you help me?"

"At first, it was for Henry. You're his mom, and you needed help."

"At first?"

Emma took a deep breath in. "It was for our son. Until it wasn't anymore."

"Emma…" Regina whispered the name; almost exhaled it as though it pained her. "Getting my memories back seemed inevitable to me, in spite of how little I wanted them. That was the only…. That was the only thing that was inevitable, though. Nothing else could be."

"That's not true." Emma responded pointedly.

Regina walked up to Emma. Slowly, and purposefully. At first, she thought she was going to kiss the woman. That had certainly been her intention - to just give in. But as she approached the woman, pausing just inches from her face, she felt the muscles in her body contract as Emma's breath hit her face.

This wasn't right. She shouldn't have such a strong reaction from something as simple as being near another person. Especially Emma. It was dangerous, for the both of them. She wished there was a way to be near Emma, to satisfy her need for her, without it having to be real. Human.

Then, a thought occurred to her. She lifted one hand, and ran the tips of her fingers down Emma's stomach. Nails grazing over Emma's taut muscles, before raising higher. Allowing herself a second to look into the woman's eyes, Emma noticed the fear in them. And immediately, the blonde knew what Regina was considering.

"It won't work." was all Emma said as Regina's hand paused above her heart. Regina looked at her hand for a few moments, hovering above the place where the object she desired, emotionally if not physically, resided. As she continued to stare, the hand began to shake, and started to look more like a stranger to her, a foreign appendage she had no control over, about to make the biggest mistake it could. Eventually too disgusted, with her hand too shaky to do what it desired, Regina lowered it, sending Emma almost stumbling away and the woman herself sitting on the edge of the sofa.

Understandably, given the circumstances, neither said anything for a long time.

"Okay, now I'm starting to get mixed signals." Emma eventually decided was appropriate, trying to make light of the most bizarre situation she had ever found herself in. Regina's face remained stoic, however, and she continued to stare off into space. "Why? Why kill me now, Regina?" she asked calmly, in spite of her racing heart.

"I wasn't trying to kill you." Regina whispered simply. Her bottom lip quivered, and Emma couldn't tell if it was from sadness or rage.

"Then what? You were just curious as to what the inside of my chest felt like?!"

"I wasn't thinking. I wanted to… I wanted it to stop. I just wanted to be in control again, to have you. I thought maybe if I had your heart, I wouldn't need…"

"Me."

Regina nodded faintly, and seemed to disappear as she bent her back, her face parallel with her thighs.

"You can't own me, Regina. That isn't how real life works. I don't care how it was in the Enchanted Forest, you cannot own me."

Regina looked at Emma in that moment more earnestly than she ever had anyone before. She was asking Emma, willing her to understand why she had done what she had done.

"That was how I… got power over people. Love is weakness. Everything is weakness. If I had your heart I could feel something and not have to… face up to it. I could have a part of you, and keep you with me, but I didn't need to have -you-. It didn't have to be real."

"Well, sorry to disappoint, but me and my heart are kind of a package deal. Now if that's all, I'm leaving."

"Emma… I…" she couldn't get the word love to leave her mouth again. As much as she willed it, it didn't just catch in her throat: it blocked it. "I'm trying." she eventually got out in a strangled cough, which Emma seemed to outwardly not register.

"I know you are."

"Can you just stay?"

"No. I need to… not be here right now."

It took Emma the journey from the mayoral mansion to Henry's castle, with a quick detour to buy a bottle of whiskey, to experience every emotion she found accessible.

First, she was angry. Angry at Regina for ever getting into this situation in the first place. Angry at herself for deciding to help. Angry at Regina for kissing her. Angry at herself for kissing Regina back. Angry at the aftermath, and magic, and curses, and true love, and just about everything else she could justify.

Above all of the other anger raging around inside her as she stomped heavily down Main Street, she was angry about her own feelings. She'd never depended on happy endings, and after the Neal debacle, this hadn't served her too badly. While she had been alone until Henry came along, she'd never been hurt again. She knew this wasn't Regina's fault. Far from it; it was Emma's own fault for fooling herself into believing that opening up this time would end any differently than it had any other time for her.

Then, she felt lonely. She had only just left Main Street, where many of her neighbours had been bustling about their evenings as if there was nothing wrong. But of course, there was. She couldn't grasp why her emotions had over-ruled her so intensely with this, or why she suddenly felt herself facing the abyss, and all she wanted was Henry or Regina, but she couldn't see either of them. All the years she spent alone, and she'd finally felt like she'd arrived somewhere she belonged. And yet here she was again. Alone.

Sadness arrived next, as she greeted Henry's castle with a solemn smile and perched atop the fence where herself and her son had spent many hours over the years. This castle was the talisman that kept this part of her family grounded, and being here was a poor substitute for being with the real thing. She felt sadness first for herself, and then for Regina. Regina who had been beaten down and taken advantage of her entire life, until she eventually decided to do something about it. Emma couldn't help but wonder that if she were in Regina's situation, she perhaps would have done the same. But of course, Emma had been beaten down too, and unloved, and abandoned, and she had chosen to react to it like this. Putting a dam up to keep her feelings separate from the world, and once you let a little out there's no stopping it. Together, they could have had a chance at building their hearts. Not mending - they weren't broken - but getting stronger, and fuller.

Emma almost got sentimental as her thoughts turned to the kiss, as she opened the bottle in her hands and took a long swig. There may not have been fireworks, but it had been warm, and safe. It was reassuringly without hope or obligation. It was devoid of the usual promises that a kiss brings; promises that neither woman could afford to make right now. Nevertheless, it had been true love. Whether it was because of Henry, or something else entirely, remained to be seen. A few weeks ago, days ago even, Emma would have seen this outcome as the best case scenario. All memories restored, no more nightmares, no more identity crisis.

But it wasn't. Regina's house had become a home to her. Regina was the first person she could remember to have truly cared about her without any slight sense of obligation (whether to family, or to respect Enchanted Forest allies), and she didn't know what she could do if Regina didn't need her anymore. By the time she had consumed 5 more swigs from the bottle, Emma was sure she was in love more than she had ever been before. Equating need to love is always dangerous, but it dawned on her that she loved to be needed as much as Regina needed to be loved.

Love was difficult. Regina had grown to be maladaptive with it at best, and Emma had only just experienced it for the first time. Emma's attempts at love were maternal, or reluctant and downright clumsy. This was something that the two of them had in common; when it concerned people other than their son, love was not something they could quite grasp anymore.

One thing Emma didn't feel, however, was hurt. She'd been expecting something like this to happen. As much as Emma wanted to believe that people could permanently change, especially Regina, she couldn't now find any evidence to support this. Regina had come close. Before the accident, she'd achieved it; she was full of hope, and white magic, and love for her son. But now… Emma didn't know who Regina was now. Whether she was good, or bad, or somewhere in between. And that's what scared her.

As the feelings in Emma's heart began to grow and grow, not necessarily for the better, Emma realised that she should be obligated to arrest herself for being drunk and on the verge of disorderly. But she didn't care that she was sat on a playground, drinking alone in the cold. She just cared about Regina. And about love, and hope, and family, and the promise that one day… maybe all this would change.

A/N: THANK YOU AGAIN. Also, KooshGID and MissCynn, one of you two was the 200th follower (not sure which) so if you want a oneshot or anything, send me a PM! :)