A/N: Hello! Today's thank you comes from lesbian film abundant Sweden. Tack så mycket to each and every one of you for doing your reading/following/favouriting/reviewing thing once again. We're entering the home straight (is that a thing?) now, and if chapters were labelled by their significance to the plot, this one would most likely be called 'Turning Point'. Also I know some people wanted to see a bit more of Regina's point of view; ask and ye shall receive. And yay for more Regina and Ruby bff action!

Enjoy!

We spend our time looking for which one fits best

And in the morning I am waking

And I'm wondering how it's me who ended up like this

Cause I'm the one who said it would be easy

Now I'm the one who's feeling worse

-Slow Club, Sorry About the Doom

Much like Emma, sleep hadn't came easily for Regina in the couple of days after her memories returned. Indeed, when she had finally got to sleep, she would wake periodically shouting out and covered in a cold sweat. She hadn't been having nightmares, just dreams of her past life. She refused to call the truth a nightmare.

She tried to reassure herself, as she lay in bed before sunrise, that Emma had taken advantage. Her being here, while Regina was vulnerable and had her guard down. She'd made her feel things that she had no desire to feel again. Yes, it was Emma's fault.

For once, Regina couldn't even make herself believe this. It had been her that kissed Emma. Her that relied on Emma. Her that almost tried to rip Emma's beating heart from her chest when she realised the weight of her feelings.

It had always been easiest to be the Evil Queen if she considered herself inhuman. As odd as it was, thinking of herself as different in every way from others enabled her to create the distance that she needed to carry out the task at hand. As Emma had said not long ago, she was a monster. And she'd been comfortable that way. Familial love, in Regina's mind, resided in a completely different place to romantic love (if that existed at all), and so letting Henry and even Cora in had seemed easy, without risking any other types of feelings overflowing.

When she was growing up, she was simply a girl with love with whoever showed her compassion, and even those who didn't. Next, she was an Evil Queen, with a duty to herself and her mission above all else. Next, she was a Mayor, with a duty to her son and to keep her secret. But now, she realised that she had never thought of herself as simply a person. People fall in love, and get hurt, and rely on others, and Regina had never considered herself to be capable of any of these until now.

Comfortable was the only word she could think of to describe her old life. Being a queen was comfortable; being evil was comfortable. But it wasn't anymore. The fear that had gone racing through her veins and out of every pore when she raised her hand to Emma's chest was unlike anything she had ever felt.

She had always been afraid of change because of the inevitability of evil. Even when she had changed, this accident had came along and brought her to a place she never thought she'd be. And now here she is, trying desperately to be that person again, to shut Emma and everyone else out, but she just couldn't bring herself to.

Evil had always seemed like an old friend, greeted warmly whenever it returned, which it always did. But not now. Evil was coarse, and rigid, and painful. It appeared that she couldn't so much as throw her old friend a cautionary glance anymore without guilt and horror over-riding her.

But this… love… that she felt. It was almost worse. It was toe-curling, and sickening. She had always known that Emma Swan would be her downfall, but she had no idea that when it happened, it would be entirely her own fault.

As Regina became sick of these same thoughts racing a marathon inside her, she decided to take a trip to the diner to get a coffee in an attempt to clear her head. Poking her head in on Henry as she left, she saw him still fast asleep, and envied him greatly.

"Henry dear, I'm going out for a while. Don't stay in bed all morning."

"Ma… ma said you weren't supposed to go out by yourself. You're still not well."

"Well, you can tell Miss Swan that I'm no longer any of her concern. I'm perfectly capable of walking to the diner unattended."

"… Ok. Love you mom." Henry said simply as he turned over and settled back into sleep, eliciting an uncovered sob from Regina.

It seemed so easy to him, she considered as she walked glacially down Main Street, to love her. To love a monster, just as Emma did. She willed herself to walk taller, to give each passer-by a look of derision, but she was so tired. Physically and emotionally. Instead, Regina walked slowly and aimlessly, avoiding everyone's gazes and keeping her own fixed on the ground in front of her.

As she entered the diner, she was acutely aware that all eyes were on her. She was sure that the news of her getting her memories back had spread like wildfire, along with the scandal of her and the sheriff living together for the time that they had. No doubt people had had a field day with that tid-bit.

"Miss Lucas. I'll have my usual, when you're ready."

"Back to Miss Lucas now, is it?" Ruby seemed hurt. "We're friends, Regina."

"Miss Lucas, now is not the time for this conversation.." Regina begun, but before she could finish Ruby pulled her over to a vacant table and implored her to sit down.

"Emma's my friend too. She didn't tell me what happened, but I know she went to see you yesterday."

"Yes, she did."

"And you're not going to give you two a chance? I really think you could make each other happy, Regina.."

"That's beside the point."

"No, it's not. It's exactly the point."

Regina took a hasty breath in. "I don't believe I'm capable of making anyone happy at this moment, especially not Miss Swan."

"You already did make her happy, though. She loved you, she loves you. Don't you feel the same?"

"Perhaps I did." Regina admitted.

"I think you still do. You're just scared, and that's ok. Emma's scared too, this kind of thing isn't exactly normal for her. I just think that you guys should talk to each other, and find out what it is you both want."

"I don't know what I want." Regina answered simply, avoiding Ruby's gaze.

"I think it involves Emma though. Gods know I spent long enough trying to deny who I am, and what I really wanted to be, Regina. Don't do the same to yourself. You're a human being, and you want love and family just as much as anyone else in this room does." Ruby didn't say anymore, instead patting Regina hesitantly on the shoulder as she left her. Regina wondered how Ruby had known exactly what to say, and what she was feeling, but then she realised that the two women had at one point or another had in common a lot more than she could comprehend.

But, as usual, when Regina began to make progress with herself, she was interrupted. Emma walked into the diner, and upon seeing Regina, turned in her tracks and tried to walk away.

"Miss Swan." Regina called after her.

"Regina." she responded sardonically.

"Are you avoiding me?"

Emma seemed nonplussed. "I thought that was what you wanted."

"You know it wasn't." was all Regina could find to say at that moment. While she knew an admission was coming, she couldn't bring herself to it yet.

"Right, well, hi." Emma offered awkwardly.

"Hi." Regina responded, hiding a misplaced smile. "About last night…"

"Yeah?" Emma took a deep breath.

"I wouldn't have gone through with it. I would have stopped myself."

"You did."

"I know, but… I'm sorry that it ever even crossed my mind. Even for a fleeting moment. It was disgusting and callous, and… not… who I want to be."

"It doesn't matter. I mean, it does, but… I get it. As twisted and fucked up and dangerous as it was, I get it. That's how you deal with things, how you keep hold of things that you want. Or how you used to. Old habits die hard?"

Regina frowned a little at Emma's turn of phrase, no matter how true it was, and was suddenly acutely aware that they were still standing in the middle of the packed diner, with people around them from every side.

"Well, if that's established, then I'll be going. Goodbye, Miss Swan." Regina had been overcome with sudden nerves at the situation, and didn't hesitate about exiting the diner abruptly and walking home.

Emma, on the other hand, wasn't so reluctant to go home. She was in the dog house for not getting back to her parents' until 5 this morning, and wanted to avoid the sympathy she was drowning in at all costs. Instead, she decided to call on the one person who knew Regina better than anyone.

"Archie, can I come in?"

"Of course Emma, of course." Archie opened the door wide and cleared stacks of paper from a chair to allow space for the woman to sit. "Regina gave me a call a couple of days ago and explained that she wouldn't need to speak to me anymore, and I put two and two together. I was expecting her to come before you did, though."

"Well, something… happened. And I wanted your perspective."

"Oh?"

"Last night, I think Regina… I think she was about to rip my heart out." In Archie's defence, he tried very hard to hide his shock, only an eyebrow raise and a cough under his breath being a giveaway.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. She stopped herself. And that doesn't work with me, product of true love and all that bullshit."

"Right." Archie took a second's pause. "Do you understand why Regina went to that place?"

"I know that she wanted to try and control me, to own me.."

"While she was most definitely looking for control, I don't think it was Regina's intention to own you. Regina likes control in everything she does. You can see by the way she walks, the way she holds herself, in everything. Feelings are, for want of a better word, messy. Trying to regain control most likely seemed like her only option."

"Yeah, she sort of tried to explain that to me. I didn't listen though."

"That may have been her intention all along. She is, by nature, destructive. Whether she was aware of it or not, part of her wanted you to react, to get angry at her and reject her. Perhaps that would be easier than the alternative."

"Being happy, you mean?"

"Exactly. Being happy is a foreign concept to Regina, unfortunately. The fact that she stopped herself, though, shows that she's changed. Pulling out the hearts of those around you may seem barbaric to you or I, but to Regina, it's a coping mechanism. And her, in a sense, weaning herself from it, shows that she's truly turning a new page, and attempting to allow herself to be happy. I do believe that given time she will express what she wants. Which I have no doubt is what you want to."

"So that's what she needs. Time."

"If you're willing to give it."

"I think… I think I am."