A/N: I know. I'm sorry, I told you I would be better. It's just been a really really tough week on me. My family has been making me feel like shit and I got really depressed. I'll keep trying harder for y'all. This story really is the only ray of sunshine in my life at the moment. Ironic when you read the chapter. Sorry for the spiel, it's just getting hard and I needed and outlet. You guys are fantastic readers and I absolutely adore you. Thank you.

Chapter 11: Prison of My Own Making

Alice POV:

As soon as Liam's words met my ears I ran down towards Bella at full speed. The horrifying plan had worked, bringing both elation and misery from within me. Bella had her emotions back, her humanity was restored. But at what cost?

Rosalie was cradling a very distraught Bella when I arrived, rocking her gently to convey security. As soon as she caught site of me in the doorway she whispered something too low for me to hear into my quivering mate's ear. Whatever it was, it caused her to pick her head up and meet my eyes.

While her irises still held the menacing red color, they were completely different eyes than the ones I had looked into a few hours before. I rushed to her side, carefully moving her into my lap from Rose's. Once she was securely tucked in my arms I buried my face into her hair and cried softly. Rosalie got up and gave my shoulder a squeeze before making her exit.

"Alice." Carlisle called softly to get my attention. He handed me a blanket and eyed Bella with the most remorseful expression. I had thought her shivering was from the onslaught of emotions, but obviously Carlisle was concerned. Either way, a blanket was always comforting. I wrapped it around her body and continued to pet her head. That always seemed to calm her down and relax her before, I hoped it would still do the same. "I'll go get something for her to eat." He whispered and got up, but Bella stopped him.

"No." It was the first real word besides muttering that she had said since I had come down. Carlisle and I looked at each other with equally concerned faces.

"Bella you need to eat. You haven't in days." I tried to convince her, but she just shook her head in my lap.

"No." She repeated the word again. I looked back at Carlisle and tried to express that I didn't want to upset her any more today. He nodded and left us alone.

"I'm so sorry Bella. For everything." I whispered while laying butterfly kisses all along her neck. She didn't respond in anyway, just continued laying quietly in my arms.

Those two 'no's were the only words I got from her that day. After 24 hours I began to really worry about her health. Esme brought in a small cot to try and coax her into sleeping since Bella struggled every time I tried to move us up from the room. Anything really. She wouldn't eat, drink, or sleep. She was just there.

"Bella sweetheart, I need you to eat something."

"No."

"Bella."

"No."

"Then at least drink some water. You're dehydrated."

"No."

"Bella!"

"I said no Alice." While I knew she had her humanity back on, her voice was still devoid of any emotion. I grew frustrated and sat up from the cot, shuffling Bella around a bit.

"Well what do you want me to do? I can't just sit here and watch you rot away!"

"Please just leave me alone."

"No! I'm trying to help you. Please let me."

"I don't want to be helped!" I had finally touched a nerve, making her sit up in anger. While not my first choice, at least it was something. "I told you to leave me alone!"

"Well I can't do that! Just tell me what I can do that'll make you feel better, besides leaving."

"Nothing. There's nothing you can do."

"God damn it Bella!" I stood up and paced around to calm myself. I didn't want to be angry at her. There were so many things she was feeling right now and I didn't want to make it worse. "Let me take you out of this room. Stretch your legs. You need fresh air."

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't want to move." I sat back down and took her hand.

"Are you afraid?" No response. I took that as a yes. "What are you afraid of?" She growled and stood up, walking across the room from me.

"I don't want to talk!"

"Alright. What would you like to do?"

"I told you! I want you to leave me alone!"

"Why are you so intent on staying in here alone? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? You're seriously asking me what's wrong?" There it was. "Everything! Everything is fucking wrong! I shouldn't be here! I should be dead! I should've been dead for a long time."

"Please don't say that. Why do you think such things?"

"Because it's true. I shouldn't be here."

"Why?"

"Because I fucking kill people!" She growled angrily again but I was unperturbed.

"Your humanity was off. The Volturi did that. They're the ones responsible for the blood spilled."

"STOP DEFENDING ME!"

"I'm not defending you!" I cried out in an effort to soothe her rage. She was really pissed now, shaking with fury. "I'm telling you the truth! It wasn't you."

"How many times do I have to tell that it was me? It is me. It's the darkest parts of me. But they're still in there Alice! Just bidding their time and waiting to come out again."

"Bella stop."

"Why? Why should I stop? Because you're finally realizing what kind of person I am? Because you're regretting bringing me back?"

"Never." I whispered with ferocity.

"Well you should." Just then the door creaked open and Rosalie came in with a water bottle.

"Alice, Carlisle wants to speak to you."

"I'm busy." I barked back at her rather harshly.

"Yeah it wasn't really a request." She gave me a 'try me I dare you' look and I eventually sighed and went for the door.

"Fine! Please try and get her to drink that." Bella was staring at the water bottle with a look of utter disgust, continuing her now constant growling. I understood. Water was not the liquid she was craving right now. Just because her emotions were back on did not mean it was an easy road back to blood sobriety.

"I will." I stole one last glance Bella's way before leaving. I'd never seen so many contradicting emotions on one person's face. It was hunger, frustration, guilt, and sadness all wrapped up. I let out a small whine and left her for the first time in days.

"Carlisle what is so important that you had to take me away from Bella?"

"I'm afraid that's exactly the reason I called you up Alice." He sighed sadly and motioned for me to sit while he spoke. "It's been two and a half days. I don't want you to lose hope or get frustrated with her or yourself. You need to take a break."

"Absolutely not. I should be there every step of the way."

"I know you've missed her, and I know how hard all of this has been on you. But Alice, it's not going to be steps there, it's going to be an extremely slow crawl. You cannot hope to do it alone."

"She-she needs me." I choked out, finally breaking down after all this time. Carlisle immediately got up from his desk and wrapped my in his arms.

"Shhhh. Honey I know. But you're not going anywhere. Let us help you help her. This doesn't have to be your entire burden." I cried for some time while he held me, releasing all the things I hadn't over the past several days. Eventually Esme came in and hushed me into her loving embrace, carrying me back home.

"Hey." A soft call grabbed my attention, it came from a dreadful looking Liam. He had not dared to venture downstairs since the ordeal, fearing Bella's reactions. I know he worried about my own as well, thinking he had committed a crime against the both of us.

"Oh Liam." I cried and pulled him against me. "I'm so sorry."

"Shouldn't I be the one saying that?"

"No. God no." I moved my head from his chest and looked up at his pained face. "I can't thank you enough for what you did. I could never have done it."

"Because you love her." He grumbled and tried to move away from my grasp.

"Of course I love her. But I couldn't do what you did, which shows that you love her more than I ever could."

"How do you get that?"

"You're so selfless with her. You did what had to be done, even if it hurt you and her."

"Like you said, it hurt her too."

"Yes. But not as much as it would have in the end. And I would never have been able to see past that."

"Because you have a heart."

"Liam please stop being upset with yourself. There is not a person here that is mad at you. Everyone is just as grateful as I." I sighed and put my head back down against him. "And if you keep this attitude up, I'm going to have to get my brothers to beat you up so you'll stick that head of yours out of your ass." A small laugh that shook his chest lightly let me know he was better.

"How-how is she?" I sighed once again and pulled away from him so we could speak frankly.

"She's…." I struggled to find the right words. "Angry? Depressed I would say. Horribly so."

"Fuck. I'm sorry Alice."

"Why do you keep saying that? Nothing is your fault."

"But it is. I shouldn't have abandoned you like this. But more importantly, I should have rescued her before all this bullshit in the first place."

"You and Bella are so similar sometimes it makes me laugh." I smiled sincerely at him when he looked back at me perplexed. "You two always seem to think the whole weight of the world is on your shoulders, and yours alone. But it's not. And it should never feel that way."

"You're right. As usual. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing already and go down there. I know you want to."

"Oh no Alice, I can't do that. She probably hates me! Or worse, is terrified of me. I can't look at her and know I'm the one that causes those feelings!"

"She needs you."

"So you think."

"So I know." I kept my voice calm and steady, slowly persuading him into what he so desired to do.

"I can't."

"You can."

"She hates me!"

"She could never hate you and you know that. You're the only one she's ever completely honest with." While my words were truthful, they still held a bitterness in them. There were many things that Bella and I needed to talk about once things were back to normal. Or as much as they could go back. I wasn't going to take anything but the whole truth from now on. No more lies or secrets.

"Alice."

"Liam." He stared at me, mind made up but feet unmoving. "Just go already. Before I have to drag you." He took in a deep breath before leaving me alone once again.

"Ok."