Well I'm the lesser of two evils

So keep looking

Just keep looking into my eyes

And as the lesser of two evils, it pays to

Pays to be the nice guy sometimes

Chapter 12: Two Evils

Liam POV:

The fears that I had been holding onto for the past several days heightened the closer I got to my destination. Even thinking about it now, I have no idea how Alice convinced me to do this. Sure I wanted to, a lot, but I have never known fear like this. It was one thing to be afraid of the Volturi, or death and such. These things are normal to be afraid of, these things can and have caused me physical and emotional harm. But Bella, Bella never has, and I promised her I would do the same. Well, nonhumanity vampire Bella aside.

I have always been so grateful that she was the one they put in that cell with me. If it hadn't been her, well I would probably still be there right now. I didn't deserve her, I knew that. She was always there for me, stronger and smarter than I ever would be. I gave her my complete trust, and in return she gave me hers. And what did I do? I stomped all over it, smashing it into pieces that could barely be picked up and repaired.

The door was slightly ajar and I knocked on it lightly, still terrified. When there was no response, I hesitantly walked in.

"Come on in Liam." Rosalie called from the end of a very shabby cot. Bella was seated at the other end, her knees pulled up to her chest, staring at me with a look I could not even hope to decipher. "Bella, just drink the fucking water." Poor Rose was holding out a full water bottle at arm's length, shaking it with ferocity at Bella.

"I told you no." Bella growled out with just as much anger. Obviously they had been arguing the point for a while, each pissed off by the other's unwavering dedication.

"Fine! You fucking deal with this." Rosalie got up and pushed the bottle into my chest, leaving me alone in the room with only Bella to stare at. She was doing a fine job of avoiding my gaze just now, picking at the fabric on the bed.

"Bella. Please look at me?" My heart broke when she did, the second her eyes met mine, she shriveled further into her corner just like an animal. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" If that was the case I had no problem leaving her right now. I didn't want to make things worse than they already were.

"No."

"Are you afraid of me?"

"No." She really was being as difficult as everyone had described.

"Then why did you react like that when you looked at me?"

"Because you make me feel guilty."

"Guilty?"

"Yes. I killed you. And I almost killed you twice."

"Oh that. Well you weren't in your right head. And I killed you too remember?"

"Why does everyone keep making excuses for me?" She blew up without warning and tugged on her hair in extreme frustration.

"Hey hey easy! No one is making excuses. We're trying to tell you the truth so you stop blaming yourself."

"That's exactly what I should be doing." Thank god I have outstanding patience. This was not going to be easy.

"You can't do that shit anymore Bella. You have a very wonderful girl up there upset about you. Alice would do anything for you, and here you are being a martyr." Bringing Alice into the picture was a risk I was willing to take at this point.

"Exactly. She would do anything for me. A monster. Devil's spawn. She's what? Probably killed maybe five or so people in her lifetime? What does that say about me? And what does that say about me for keeping her with me?"

"It says that you have good in you. That you can do something so pure as to love someone. Even if you refuse to see it in yourself, that's what it shows. And that's what everyone sees." She scoffed and rolled her eyes, I knew it sounded lame and cheesy, but it was true.

"Bullshit. It says I'm weak. It says I'm manipulative. Having these demons inside of me and then letting them taint another. That's unforgiveable."

"Oh come on Bella. It's insulting to Alice that you think so little of her. She's a lot stronger than that and you know it. You're just trying to push us away."

"Well, is it working?" The slightest smirk flashed her face before she replaced it once again with a scowl. "Ah just please leave already. I was created in a cell and I would like to live the rest of my days contained in one."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Have you lost your mind?"

"That thing was lost a long time ago." She got up and paced the room, touching the walls in a gentle manner. "If I'm contained, I can never hurt anyone again."

"Including yourself." I finished her sentence, now seeing her reasoning behind all this. "But you're wrong. You're already hurting yourself, and everyone upstairs."

"They'll move on."

"And what about you?" She shrugged and turned back to face me instead of the wall.

"I've been through worse."

"Well I'm afraid there's one small flaw in your plan Bella. No one here is going to move on, and we're sure as hell not giving up on you. I suggest you use your time down here to think about that." And with that, I turned around and left her alone again. It was a start, but I had gained enough information for the time being. I had a feeling that was all I was going to get during this trip around, but she knows I'll be back.

"How did it go?" I was greeted by an obsessive Alice, bouncing around with nervousness.

"She is really quite stubborn. But we've all known that for a while." My attempt at a joke was only half received by the Cullen crowd, there were a few tense laughs and smiles. I decided to go back to the matter at hand before someone hit me in frustration. That someone would be Alice. "It will take some time, but she's definitely still in there. She's just hurt and guilty, and unfortunately those two emotions tend to fuel each other and send the receiver into a spiraling depression. But I think with the right and timely encouragement and help, we'll get her back on her feet."

"Do you really think so? Or are you just saying that because it's Bella?" Rosalie was scrutinizing me closely, making sure I wasn't filling her with empty hope.

"I really do." Alice let out a squeal and threw herself at me in a tight hug.

"Oh thank you Liam thank you! I told you it was a good idea! I told you!" I chuckled at her enthusiasm and ruffled her hair before she let go.

"Yes you did. You are a wonderful psychic." She smiled brightly and went back to her previous conversation with Rosalie. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carlisle quietly motioning for me to follow him, I'm sure to his office to discuss things further.

"So." He waited until we were both seated to begin speaking. "You believe she will make a full recovery?"

"I-, well that's not exactly what I said." I cringed at what I was about to say. But Carlisle sat patiently with a calm and composed face. "I believe she will recover, but no, I don't think she'll ever be the same as she was before. Which, I guess makes sense when you think about it."

"True." He brought his hands together and pursed his lips in deep thought. "After the initial change by the Volturi it was presumed her personality was a reaction from the serum, but in reality it was from the torture and isolation. Being treated like an animal, in fact worse than an animal really, for months obviously has lasting effects. She became guarded and protective of others. Now with this new ordeal, I am not exactly sure what to expect. She didn't have you this time, and I can't even begin to imagine the horrors she faced. Add to this all the overwhelming guilt of blood shed from her humanity switch, it's not a pleasant concoction."

"No it is not." I sat listening to Carlisle's truthful words, all the while my heart was experiencing sharp pangs from them. I had been trying not to think of all these horrible truths, but now they were facing us dead on, and it hurt. A lot. He sensed my unrest and went around to sit in the chair next to me, placing a fatherly hand on my shoulder.

"You cannot blame yourself for this Liam. Just as Bella should not be blaming herself for what she did. These things are not in your control."

"I know Carlisle, I know this now. But I can't help but understand how she feels. I-" I hesitated confessing what had been on my mind for a while now. Carlisle was never one to judge, but it was always a scary thing to expose your inner mind to someone.

"It's alright son, you can tell me." I almost broke down at his loving words. He had never called me his son. I knew that the Cullen family had accepted me just as they had Bella, but it was still a beautiful thing to feel that overpowering love.

"I feel those demons she describes. It's almost as if there is a small nagging voice in the back of my head, trying to kill everything in its path. And of course I always have control over it, but there are some times when it is a struggle. So yes, I understand why she's scared and ashamed." Carlisle sighed and squeezed my shoulder.

"Now I want you to listen to me Liam, you are part vampire and part werewolf, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Every single one of us has that voice just as you do, I know ours are not as dominant as I'm sure yours are, considering the venom and blood that created you. But I want you to know that you are not alone, and you are not weak. You need to understand this, because once you accept it, you will make peace with that voice. Remember all those juvenile movies and TV shows with the miniature angel and devil that sat on a person's shoulders and debated their decisions?" I laughed and nodded at this reference.

"Yes of course."

"Well your conscious is very much like that, as silly as that sounds. The "angel" part is your humanity, but it's dominant, keeping you level headed and able to feel the world around you. The "devil" side is the non-human counterpart, pushing you to give up and take the easy road. I'm not saying it will ever go away, but it can eventually get quieter. You just have to remember it's not as strong as you."

"But it's still a part of me, isn't it? Just like what Bella said." I sighed, completely empathizing with Bella's depression.

"I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it isn't, but it doesn't change who you are. Now if you were a lawless, heartless vampire killing everything and everyone in their path, I would tell you differently. But you are not, which tells me that you will not ever consciously give into that. What happened to Bella, was provoked and intentional, it wasn't just her inner animal winning a random fight of control. It was staged and will never happen again in that manner. I have no doubts about either of you. Why do you think I trust you so wholly?"

"I never thought about it I guess." I let out a watery laugh, I had apparently started to cry at his kind sentiments. Carlisle smiled kindly and chuckled with me while I wiped my eyes in embarrassment.

"Do not be ashamed of your emotions Liam. Especially now that you know the look of someone without them." He have my shoulder one last pat before standing up. "Come on now, I believe Esme is stress cooking once again and you are her main customer at the moment."