So her fingers ran away with themselves
'Till everything was documented
Her mind it was reaching out
To put into words what their bodies had done
They lie together, oh
Oil on water
And they lie upon her, oh
Someone's daughter
Chapter 16: Awkward Body Games
Bella POV:
"Just breathe. Focus on me. Just like that. You're doing great." Alice's soothing words washed over, calming my breathing with each second.
"Thank you." I huffed, still slightly out of breath. What got us in this situation? My pathetic ass of course.
Alice had woken me up and she looked absolutely gorgeous, so much so that I had to tell her. She smiled and giggled and I suddenly had this need to kiss her. And not the small kisses we'd been sharing over the past few days, I wanted more. While Alice was initially shocked by the force I was using, she replied full heartedly, tugging sensually on my hair. Just as I began to feel a heat make its way to my lower abdomen, and I trailed my kisses down Alice's neck, my fucked up brain decided to give me a small panic attack and relive some colorful memories.
"Are you good?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good now. Sorry about that."
"It was no problem. But, I thought we were taking things slow. What was that about?" My face flushed at her question.
"I know. Um, it's just you looked really beautiful and… um, sorry about that." Alice smiled and kissed my red cheeks.
"Well as romantic as that was, let's try to keep things leisurely. And we should talk to Rosalie later today."
"Ok. Fair enough. Maybe you should wear like some sweats in the meantime."
"Excuse me? I have and never will wear sweats as long as I live." I laughed at her and got out of bed.
"Ah, of course. How dare I suggest the great Alice Cullen soil her perfect wardrobe reputation." She giggled and got up as well to get dressed.
"That's Mrs. Swan to you my dear." Alice winked and swayed her hips all the way to the expansive closet. I groaned and averted my eyes to the ceiling. This was going to be tough.
Alice actually chose an outfit for the day that didn't make me drool and I was very grateful. After a quick breakfast we were on our way to meet Rosalie. I was not looking forward to this conversation, but after this morning it was definitely a must. I was thrown into a hug the second I walked into the Cullen home. Esme of course.
"Esme." Alice warned her lightly from the side, she immediately let go. I let out a relieved sigh, I loved Esme, but the unwarned hugging made me very tense and uncomfortable as of late.
"Oh sorry Bella dear, I just wasn't expecting to see you so soon this morning."
"That's alright Esme, Alice and I were stopping by to see Rose." Almost right on cue, Rosalie came into the room at the end of my sentence.
"Hey Alice, Bella. I'm ready for you, so whenever you are." And with that, she turned on her heel and went back up to her room. I swallowed hard, my mouth was suddenly dry. Esme gave me a sympathetic look, obviously everyone knew what this meeting was about. Alice reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze before leading me to Rose's room. But she stopped me right outside the door.
"Bella, if you get even the teensiest bit uncomfortable, please let me know right away and we'll leave. I don't want to do anything to upset you."
"Thank you Alice, but I'm not bailing on this. It will be uncomfortable, that's inevitable, but it's needed." I opened the door to reveal a poised Rosalie sitting on her bed waiting for us. Ah crap. I'm already regretting this decision. Once Alice and I were seated, Rose finally spoke.
"First of all I want to thank you for coming to see me, I know it isn't easy." She addressed me first and I nodded in response. The less I had to talk, the better. Satisfied with my nod, she continued. "Now, have you two tried anything since coming back?"
"Not really no. It's been really tame, until this morning I guess. We were kissing and it turned heated pretty fast, but then Bella had a slight panic attack and we stopped right away. That's been the only incident so far." Alice my savior did her duty of the talking, reason 522 why I love her. Rosalie stared at me while Alice talked, I felt exposed and tried to appear smaller.
"Ok. Bella, do you remember anything in particular that triggered this reaction?" Shit. She wants me to speak.
"Um, no. I don't. It was all kind of blurry."
"Maybe it was her arousal? I thought I caught a whiff of it before." My face went completely red from Alice's reveal and I ducked my head. "I'm sorry love." She whispered at the end for my benefit.
"Alright. Well firstly, it's only been a few days so don't worry or push anything, I can't stress that enough. Secondly, I want you to know that when Emmett and I first got together it took me months to be comfortable enough for us to do anything."
"Yes but Alice and I have already had sex before!" I blurted out irritably before I could stop myself. "Sorry."
"That's alright. It's perfectly normal to be angry Bella." That didn't help my mood. I involuntarily let out a growl of frustration.
"No shit." Alice moved closer and rubbed my side to calm me. Once again I was taken over by guilt from my behavior. "Fuck I'm sorry. Sorry again."
"Don't worry about it. Look, I just wanted to have a quick catch up with you and make sure you're not putting yourself in situations that will cause you issues. I would actually like to speak with Alice alone for a bit though, if that's ok with you?" While the idea of leaving Alice and Rosalie alone to talk about our sex life made me cringe, I really wanted to get out of here and stop talking about it myself.
"Yeah that's fine. I'll be downstairs playing video games with Emmett if you need me." I got up and kissed the top of Alice's head quickly before taking my exit.
Emmett was sitting on the couch as I suspected when I got downstairs and I flopped down next to him. He handed me a controller before I could even ask.
"Al still up there with Rosie?"
"Yeah." I sighed and he luckily dropped the subject. We played video games for a couple hours actually, I beat Emmett every single game of course. But I was starting to get worried about what the holdup was. What could they possibly be talking about for so long? Just as I was about to head upstairs and check, they came out and wandered slowly down towards us. "All good?" I asked tentatively, Alice's expression was hard to read.
"Yep!" She dropped her thinking face and put on a bright smile. "You ready to go? We can go for a run if you want? You haven't spent any time with me in your wolf form." She ended quietly, fluffing my hair slightly as if I were her personal pup. Not that I minded that at all.
"Sure. Sounds good." I got up and wrapped my arm around her side to lead her out. "See you later Emmett!"
"Be safe Bells!"
Alice and I went outside right away, walking slowly over to the tree I usually stripped at. She gave me my privacy as I did so, just as she did with my showering. I knew it was hard on her and I'd be sure to make it up to her sometime soon.
Once I was in wolf form I nudged her with my nose to let her know it was ok to turn around. She giggled like usual at me. For some reason she found me adorable when I was a wolf and thought everything I did was cute as hell. I rolled my eyes and nudged her again so she'd start moving.
"Alright alright I'm moving. Can you keep up?" I snorted and pawed the ground. Let's go pixie. Alice grinned and went into a full sprint right away. Besides my brief fall back in the beginning, I kept up with her neck and neck for miles. Eventually she stopped us at our favorite spot by the creek.
Alice sat down gracefully on the lush grass and I plopped my furry ass down right next to her. It's kind of hard to be graceful when you're a huge fucking wolf. Maybe this is what Alice finds so cute.
"Are you worried about something?" She looked honestly confused about my behavior. I scrunched up my face and shook my head. Why would she think that? "Then why aren't you laying your head in my lap like usual?" I rolled my eyes and barked a laugh. Of course she was worried about that. But I ended up putting my head in her lap anyways. I really do appreciate it when she plays with my fur and scratches my ears.
"That's my girl." She stroked my head lightly, immediately putting me into a most content mood. God I missed this.
"Are you happy now?" I nodded dumbly. She laughed and continued to pet me for a bit more.
"Do you want to know what Rosalie and I talked about?" Well that put a slight damper in my mood. I guess if we have to talk about it it's best to do it in the form that I don't have to speak in, so I reluctantly nodded my head.
"Are you sure?" I nodded again. Yes I was sure. I did want to know what Rosalie said. She sighed and laid down, moving my head to her stomach so she could continue her gentle petting.
"When we first got together, it took you weeks for you trust me and yourself until we could have sex, and then months until you were fully able to give yourself to me. Now this all happened months after your initial Volturi imprisonment. I know things are different now with my knowledge of the issues, but that doesn't make them any less sensitive or traumatic. This time, it's fresh. You haven't had the time to occupy your mind and body to come to light with it."
I kept quiet while she spoke softly to me. She had a way of making even the most horrible things sound better with just the way her voice carried. I let out a small whine when she stopped to catch her breath, Alice had begun to cry with the weight of the topic. Her crying was definitely one of my biggest hatreds in the world, there was a primal need in me to soothe whatever was causing her this pain. Unfortunately it was her feelings for me this time.
I carefully moved to nuzzle her cheek, trying not to smother her with my overly large head. My whining continued so she would know I'd be crying too if I were in human form. Once she was calm enough, Alice continued speaking, but not before I gave her a quick wolf kiss on her cheek.
"I want us to take things slow. I mean extremely slow, probably painfully so, but I really think it's best." I was split with her decision. Part of me didn't like it because I'm a very instinctive person, if I had a sudden urge I usually acted on it. It made our love life spontaneous and spicy. But the other part of me agreed with this snail pace, especially after this morning. I couldn't even kiss my wife without having a panic attack. If we took things slowly, would that make it easier? Would it ease me into things? I wasn't sure either way.
Sensing my confliction in the matter, Alice trailed her hand up and down my face, scratching my ear with each pass. "Don't think too hard love, I'm setting my foot down on this."
We continued to sit peacefully in our spot for some time, Alice had turned me into a purring domestic puppy in the few hours we spent. I probably looked pretty pathetic for a giant wolf, but I didn't care. Alice knew exactly how to make all my troubles and worries melt away until I didn't have a care in the world. Not in the non-humanity kind of way, in the good serene way.
After the sun went down, and my stomach decided to make itself heard by the whole forest, Alice and I made our way back home, walking deliberately unhurried. Alice had a good laugh when I clumsily walked straight into a tree. In my defense, I had been staring at her and not my own feet. Her beauty never ceased to amaze me. She was perfect in every single way, down to every tiny feature.
Usually I consider myself the unluckiest person alive considering everything that has happened to me. The amount of shit that has been thrown at and on me is utterly ridiculous. But then I remember Alice. I remember how much she loves me and how lucky I am to even be able to love her, especially after all I've put her through. So I think I may just be the luckiest person alive to have such a perfect being by my side.
And this was the thought process that landed me face first into a tree. Luck be fucked.
Once I was changed back and fully dressed, Alice took my hand as we strolled towards the smells of Esme's wonderful cooking.
"Bella you missed lunch sweetie so you're making up for it with a big dinner. No complaints." My mother in law called the second I walked through her doorway. I smiled and sat down in front of the massive pile of mouthwatering food.
"Yes ma'am. You won't hear me complaining anytime in the near future." Alice sat down next to me and continued to hold my free hand while I ate. I've come accustomed to this meal time practice, so I'm pretty much a pro at eating anything with one hand.
The whole meal and Esme fussing over me took almost an hour, and then I spent the next few hanging with Emmett and Jasper, each wanting to play different games with me.
I was fully aware that everyone was walking on eggshells around me. It bothered me a lot actually, but I didn't know how to bring it up or mend the situation. So I was just doing my best to act like nothing had changed with the family. Maybe they would eventually just go back to normal with me.
Alice took me home after I released an involuntary yawn, scolding her brothers for keeping me up so late. She shooed me into the shower once we got home, but I paused in the doorframe of the bathroom, thinking.
"Alice?"
"Hmmm?" She looked up at me while pulling the covers on the bed back so she could settle in.
"Um, I know you want to take things slow, which I'm fine with, but I feel like you deserve something for being so patient and amazing."
"Bella, I'm not hopping in that shower with you. That's much too fast."
"What? Oh no, not that. Um, I know it's been killing you lately, so… would you like to cut my hair tonight?"
"YES! Oh yes yes! Thank you Bella, thank you!" I grinned at this expected reaction. Yes I had noticed her small grimaces every time I ran a comb through my unkempt hair, even when she tried to hide them. And yes I knew it looked horrible. I just didn't have the energy or time to do anything about it. Even the texture was all kinds of fucked up without Alice's perfect way of washing and conditioning it. I was a simple person, and spending extra time in the shower just to care for my hair was not my thing. "Ok I'll go get the hair clippers. And you, please make sure you condition. Not that cheapo stuff you've been using Bella, the nice bottle I got you. And make sure you really get in there…." I tuned the rest of her excited babble out, just content to see her smiling to happily.
"Whatever you want love." I went into the bathroom and turned on the water to a temperature of my liking, getting in once it was perfect. Steam and water easing my muscles that always seem to be on edge.
If I could get Alice to smile that enthusiastically at least once a day, I would consider myself a happy person. Even if it involved her taking a razor to my neck.