Keep looking for distraction
Tonight we live in fiction
In your arms I hide away
Two bodies in the darkness
Not hard to find a weakness
Keep the morning light at bay
As the world falls down around us
Give me something to remember
I am holding on
In the back of my mind for dear life, dear life
Chapter 18: Careless Mistakes
Alice POV:
The rest of the week went by at an agonizing pace. I still wasn't allowed in the room with Bella during the blood tests and Rosalie sucked at not hurting her. Of course Carlisle wasn't helping by continuing to push each session until Bella cracked. However, he did say she was getting better and he would allow me back in soon.
My poor exhausted wife was not having a good time. Each time she returned home from another lesson, she was more tired than the last. And I really hated the fact that I couldn't give her a relaxing massage because it would just end up turning us both on.
"How'd my little wolf fair today?" I asked, walking into Carlisle's study after Rosalie left. Bella was on the ground and Carlisle appeared to be rubbing bleach over a spot on the floor.
"She did really well Alice. I opened the bag today and she held control for almost five minutes before going after it."
"What's up with the bleach?" I wrinkled my nose at the strong odor, it was not pleasant.
"Oh, I accidentally dropped the bag momentarily when helping with Rosalie." I nodded and carefully helped Bella to her feet, she was holding her left arm up to her chest. Carlisle finished cleaning and did a quick check up on Bella. "Broken wrist and arm. Clean breaks, I'll wrap them up." I moaned and hugged her uninjured side.
"Is there any way we can do these sessions without having her bones breaking? I feel like we're torturing her Volturi style." Bella winced and I immediately regretted my wording. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."
"She's getting better Alice. As for the bone breaking, I am truly sorry about that."
"It's alright Carlisle. It has a cause." Bella put it nicely, but I knew she was in more pain than she let on.
"But I do have good news Alice." Carlisle looked up at me while wrapping her arm. "I think she's ready for you to come back in the room with us."
"Really?!"
"Ow!" Apparently I got so excited that I squeezed Bella's hand too tight.
"Oh shit! I'm so sorry Bella! Crap I'm the worst!" Carlisle went to assess her new injury as I continued to apologize.
"Two broken knuckles. Just ice it." He left to get pain medication and I gently rubbed her hand.
"Guess I can't yell at Rosalie too much." Bella chuckled and kissed my nose.
"But to answer your previous question Alice, yes. We can try with you here tomorrow."
"That's really good news Carlisle. Thank you."
"Don't thank me. It's Bella that's been putting in the extra effort." He smiled and walked out, holding the door for us. I linked my arm with Bella's, since now I couldn't hold either of her hands.
"I love you so much." I whispered to her while we walked back home. She grinned and kissed the top of my head.
"I love you too."
The next day I was bouncing with excitement. Bella was still slightly sore but pretty much healed, she looked a mixture of happy and nervous about today. I wore my least sexy outfit just in case there was an incident.
"Alright Bella, are you ready?" Carlisle asked as we got in position. Bella briefly glanced at me before nodding to him. "Alice?"
"Yes."
"Ok." He leaned down and brought out a fresh blood bag, Bella's muscles went rigid in an instant. I watched her eyes bore into the bag, darkening gradually with each passing second. After about a minute of this I decided to try my luck with calling her to look at me.
"Bella love, can you hear me?" One curt head nod. "Alright good. Can you try to look at me?" Once again she went with the sharp head snap and it still startled me as much as the first time. Her eyes went back to a darker gray and she didn't attack me, Carlisle cracked a small grin.
"How do you feel right now?"
"The thirst is still there, but it's tolerable." She responded with a tight voice.
"That's great Bella. Ok, I'm going to open the bag now." We kept our eye contact as Carlisle opened the bag, filling the room with the intoxicating smell. Even I could feel some thirst with this. But Bella kept still. Her eyes darkened once again, but she kept her focus on me. "Fantastic Bella. Now, final task of this session, take deep breaths until you feel your control is almost gone. Once you think you can't hold out any longer, just give me a quick word and I'll put it away. Knowing your limits is an important step."
"Carlisle." I protested. The physical toll that would take hurt me to think about. It would be like swallowing razor blades with each breath, and I didn't want that for her.
"It's alright Alice." Bella whispered, her nostrils flaring before taking the deep breaths. I grimaced watching her do this, the pain was evident on her face.
This went on for several minutes, each breath getting more ragged than the last. Her eyes were now a pitch black and I saw her muscles rippling under the strain.
"Carlisle please."
"Not until she says so Alice." I whined, this was torture.
"Put it away." Bella finally gasped after several more agonizing minutes. Carlisle sealed and threw the bag back in the cooler right away. I went over and to envelope Bella in a hug, but she stopped me with a hand outstretched. "Give me a few seconds." Unwillingly I complied, I didn't like not being able to hug my own wife. "Sorry." She whispered before pulling me into her arms. Her muscles were still tight and she was breathing rather heavily, she inhaled my scent deeply, probably trying to wash the blood smell away.
"You did really well today Bella, I'm impressed." Carlisle went back to his desk and started taking notes. "I think once you get to fifteen minutes with the bag open we can try a real human in the room."
"Fifteen minutes?!" I cried out, that was just not fair.
"It's better safe than sorry Al. I don't want to hurt anyone." Bella whispered into my hair gently. "Come on. I'll see you tomorrow Carlisle." She tugged me out and Carlisle gave a small wave before getting back to his work.
"How did it go?" Rosalie questioned once we entered the living room, she was cuddled up on the couch with Emmett while he played video games.
"Great. No problems." I responded a little annoyed, I was still angry about all the injuries.
"That's good. Em and I were about to watch a movie if you wanted to join?"
"Um, no thanks. Bella usually crashes right after these sessions." I turned to look at her for confirmation. As expected, Bella looked dead on her feet, ready to drop.
"Alright. Well, we'll catch you later?" She seemed to be sorry and I never see her look so vulnerable, so of course I nodded.
"Yeah." I smiled, letting her know we were ok. Turning my attention back to my disheveled mate, I took her hand and started to lead her out.
The sound came before the smell. For one fleeting second I thought it would be Liam, checking up on us. But my hopes were dashed as soon as it entered the house, unsuspecting. A human heart.
"Is Dr. Cullen here? I'm here to check on the progress of-" Whatever the human was about to say was cut off in fear. Bella had completely lost it and lunged.
"BELLA DON'T!" I jumped right after her, along with Emmett and Rose. Somehow Emmett got a hand on her and started dragging her back. The rest of us scrambled to help. "GET OUT OF HERE!" I yelled at the human man who looked about ready to piss his pants. Luckily he still had the ability to move and sprinted from the house. Bella was still growling and fighting against the hold Emmett had on her.
"Alice go get Carlisle! I don't want to hurt her!" He yelled at me while Rosalie joined him. Jasper came running out of his room as I ran towards my father's office, probably to help my siblings.
"Carlisle!" I gasped as soon as I entered his office. He looked up, concerned about my lack of explanation. "Bella - human came in - lost it – big fight!" Apparently I had lost the ability to speak properly, but he got the gist of it and grabbed something out of his desk drawer before running out.
We came back just in the nick of time, Emmett's grip on Bella's neck almost sent me into a frenzy myself, but Jasper stepped in. He sent a powerful wave of calmness at me while still maintaining his hold on Bella's legs. Carlisle hurried around towards Emmett to sedate her.
"Keep her still Emmett!"
"I'm trying!" He really did seem to be putting a lot of effort into making sure her neck didn't snap. Desperate moves needed to be made so I jumped on her chest and grabbed her face.
"Bella look at me! Calm down! You don't want to hurt anyone remember? Just relax. Look at me." Somehow this worked. Her eyes melted back to a light gray and I felt her stop struggling. Everyone around all let out a collective breath.
Emmett pulled his hand away from her neck right away and Jasper got up from her legs, Rosalie was nursing a cracked arm. Carlisle put the sedative back in his pocket and patted Bella's head, his nerves fried.
"We're fine, right?" He asked, trying to asses with me still sitting on her chest. I was too afraid to get off it. "Alice?" I whined and looked back down to Bella, I didn't want her to be upset with herself but I knew she would be.
"Ok." I mumbled reluctantly, removing myself from her body, but keeping close.
"Thank you. Just keep staying still Bella." After a quick look over, and a few pokes and prods, he left for his office and returned with his medical bag.
"Is she ok?" Emmett questioned from his spot next to Rose, he looked pretty shaken up.
"She will be." Emmett's face went into an immediate grimace. "Don't worry, nothing too bad. Some broken ribs, shoulder, and ankle. Only the ankle needs to be reset. Here Bella, take these." He handed her some pills and Jasper rushed to get a glass of water.
"No. I'm fine." She whispered, avoiding my eyes. Dammit, I knew this would happen. Why does she always punish herself?
"Bella please take the pills. What happened was not your fault. We told everyone the schedule on when humans can come here. This guy obviously screwed up, and he's the one at fault. Plus, no one even got hurt. Well, besides you. And Rose a little." My speech kind of lost power at the end, but I stood by the words. Emmett was nodding furiously along with me, but Bella was still not moving.
"I almost killed him Alice. Because he made the mistake of walking into someone's home. How does that not sound bad to you?"
"BELLA JUST TAKE THE FUCKING PILLS!" The room was thrown into a ringing silence after Rosalie's loud outburst. But it did get Bella to hurriedly gulp down the pain medication.
"Rosalie." Carlisle started to scold her, but apparently she was not having it today.
"No Carlisle! Fucking no! I'm tired of her hurting herself when something happens that's out of her hands! She's not just hurting herself, she's hurting everyone who cares about her!" And with that, she stormed out of the house, slamming the front door shut.
"Well shit." Emmett whispered after a few moments of awkward silence. "I'm going to go take care of that…" He left as well, gently closing the door behind him.
"Come on. I'll reset that ankle." Carlisle moved around and carefully snapped it back into place. He gave her a fatherly pat on the head again before helping her up, and I assisted her with the walk back. She was still silent and it was worrying the hell out of me.
Bella got in the shower without a word to me and followed with her bed time routine. Just before I was about to confront her about it, she sat down on the bed and called for me softly.
"Alice?" She was staring at me with misty eyes, so I knew I should sit with her for this.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry."
"What for?" I asked, taking her hand in mine.
"For hurting you. Rosalie's right. I always punish myself without thinking about how it affects others. How it affects you."
"Thank you Bella." She nodded and turned away from me, but I grabbed her face with my free hand and pulled it back. "Just stop hurting yourself for things you have no control over. That's no way to live your life."
"I know. I'm sorry." I hugged her tightly, resting my head in the crook of her neck. After a few minutes I pulled away and wiped her eyes gently.
"Do you think we say sorry too much?" Bella laughed and nodded.
"Yeah I think we do. Probably not the best." I smiled and kissed her, glad to break the tension.
"Well, we're young. Gotta work out the kinks."
"I'm young. I'm not too sure about you."
"Shut up!" I giggled and pushed her back on the bed. She chuckled and pulled me onto her lap, so I was straddling her waist.
The past week our physical relationship drew the line firmly at making out. Bella of course would always push, and I would inevitably pull the plug on the moment. I swear to god this woman had no sense of self preservation. Actually, I already knew that.
She leaned up and kissed me tenderly, it was the start of something hotter, I just knew it. Carefully, she slipped her tongue into my mouth, making me dizzy with her taste. Why must she do this to me? I moaned loudly when she dug her nails into my thighs, god she was making me crazy.
Bella moved her lips down my neck, leaving open mouth kisses along her trail. My brain was in the middle of a heated battle. I mean, she seems to be doing perfectly fine right now, more than fine to be honest. But I know that could change in an instant and I'd only have myself to blame. My mind went completely blank however, when I felt her hips move slightly underneath me.
"Oh fuck." I gasped out uncontrollably, tugging on her hair while I heard a distinct snicker. I growled and rolled my hips right into hers, eliciting a gasp from her. "Not so funny now is it?" Bella growled as well, capturing my lips again.
Her hands were now making their way upwards, so slowly. Now I finally understand her frustration with my pace lately. The anticipation was making me need it more, my arousal growing exponentially. I was debating on whether or not to just move her hands myself when they finally reached the hem of my shirt, grazing my skin.
All of a sudden her muscles clamped up and a strangled sound came out of her. If I didn't know better, I would have said she embarrassingly came without any sexual sensations, but unfortunately I did. I grabbed her neck while she shook violently, cooing in her ear calmly.
I fucking knew this would happen. And still it's only myself to blame.
Her panic attack ended a while later, but I stayed in her lap to give her the comfort. She leaned her head on my chest, her breathing still recovering.
"You ok?"
"Yeah." She whispered, still pretty shaken. "Yeah. I'm sorry about that. That was my fault."
"There we are with that sorry again." Her body shook underneath me with a small laugh. "And when did we go back in time to the beginning of our relationship? How many more times do I have to say it was my fault too?"
"At least once more." I rolled my eyes and slid off her lap to her side, pulling her down to lay next to me.
"Why did I marry such a chivalrous woman?"
"Because I won your heart over. Battling all other adversaries away." I giggled even more and snuggled her.
"What adversaries? Last time I checked I was single as hell when you won me over. You're the one who had all the suitors."
"Ahhhh. That's right. I remember now." I heard the sleep in her voice and started to hum.
"Go to sleep my knight."