When you fall asleep

With your head upon my shoulder

When you're in my arms

But you've gone somewhere deeper

Are you going to age with grace?

Are you going to age without mistakes?

Are you going to age with grace?

Or only to wake and hide your face?

Chapter 33: The Masochist

Bella POV:

Time is such a strange concept. It's fleeting and so frustrating, there's almost never enough. And then there are those times when you wish you had a fast forward button. There never seemed to be a perfect speed in life.

The time that Alice and I had had on the run hunting for the Volturi seemed to be perfect though. There was always a threat yes, but we were safe. And we were together. I know the Volturi was our goal, but it was all so dangerous. The fiasco in Egypt had left some mental wounds in me that hadn't quite healed yet. Yet here we were, ready to do it all over again. Except this time we had no back up, and the stakes were much much higher. My body would not stop its constant nervous shaking.

"Bella I really don't want to do this." Alice abruptly blurted once we were back in the car and on the long road towards vengeance.

"Alice you can't be serious right now. This is Caius we're talking about here. I'm sure I don't need to remind you what he did. Do I?" I turned to her with a highly annoyed and skeptical look plastered on my face. This was finally my time, why was she wanting to stop me?

"God no. Trust me when I say I will never need reminding." Alice growled quite a bit while speaking, so much so that she had to take a breather to cool down before continuing. "It's just, tomorrow is…."

"My birthday." I sighed, realizing it myself with a pang of dread.

"I know it's stupid, but I swear we're cursed. And putting ourselves into immediate danger just seems – it feels scary. Bella I'm scared." Her voice had turned into a small whisper at the end and she desperately reached for my free hand as if it were a security blanket.

I know she expected me to chuckle and laugh her irrational fears off. But instead I took a deep breath and squeezed her hand.

"You're not stupid, you could never be stupid." I brought her hand up to my face and gently pressed my lips on her cool knuckles. "I understand your fears, but this needs to be done. I know you know this."

"I do." She looked down with trembling lips.

"We'll be ok. I promise." Alice still looked rather nervous so I tried to lighten the mood a bit. "If it makes you feel any better, my 17th birthday was just wonderful."

"So I'm the cause of the curse?" She looked horrified at the very thought and I had to back track a bit.

"No! No I just mean they haven't been all bad. Please Alice, the best day of my life before you doesn't even compare to my worst with you." She bit her lip and sighed once more, finally settling on laying her head down on my shoulder as I drove.

"Tell me about it."

"Tell you about what?" Alice giggled at my confusion to her random question.

"Your 17th birthday silly. Tell me about all your birthdays." Her tone held that childlike curiosity that it sometimes got when she asked me about my life before her. I really didn't lead that fascinating of a life before I moved to Forks, but to Alice, everything about me was captivating. Just like everything that I learned about her past life mesmerized me.

So we spent the next few hours reminiscing my old birthdays, or at least the ones I could remember. It was a long drive to our destination and I was grateful for the company. The worrying could come later.

Lithuania was a beautiful country, and I knew it was a shame I couldn't enjoy it more. I was a woman with a mission and a mate to protect.

My skin began to crawl knowing that I was in the same city that Caius was in. It itched and burned with shame and humility, Caius' specialty.

I must have been squirming without my knowledge, because Alice placed the back of her hand across my cheek, as if to cool down my inflamed skin. Her concern only grew with my state, so I had to shrug it off and swallow it down as if it were a very large pill.

"I'm fine." I said much too gruffly.

"You don't sound fine." Alice raised her eyebrows at me, almost begging me to turn the car around.

"I will be." I said truthfully, my voice much smoother.

"Please don't do anything stupid." She winced at painful memories of the times I had bitten off more than I could chew. And those were much lesser threats.

"I won't." We both nodded as if I had just signed a contract promising not to play the hero.

Caius had been busy since my last time in captivation. While Aro and his main guard went hunting for individuals with extraordinary gifts, Caius silently moved around recruiting the ones with little things to offer. Alistar had received word that one of his nomad friends was being recruited. I was grateful for the information, especially considering the source. But most of the older generation of vampires all agreed that the Volturi's time needed to come to an end. Their recent acts had left plenty of enemies. Vampires had wanted to remain unknown as a species to human kind, and the Volturi had betrayed their own most important rule. The sympathetic ones like the Cullens and Denalis never forgave them for what they did to human kind during that fateful summer, including me. And my reasons, well they were quite personal.

"Bella? Bella we're here." Alice's soft calls shook me from my thoughts. I had paused after parking and it only worried my sweet pixie more. "Are you sure you're alright?" I hopped out of the car and rushed to her side to help her out.

"Never been better."

We walked quietly along the path to an old warehouse where Caius was supposedly staying. Alistar's friend apparently did not want to be recruited, and Caius being Caius refused to leave him alone. It was the Volturi or death in his mind.

"You remember the plan right?" I asked Alice as we drew nearer.

"You distract, I attack and disable, you kill." She repeated back to me monotonously. I know I had drilled this into her, but our plans never seemed to go through. This one would, I would make sure of it.

Once directly outside the building, we became silent, only relying on hand signals. Caius sounded as if he was talking to someone on the phone, our queue to wait. I really didn't want to alert anyone else in the Volturi on our whereabouts. Hopefully it would take them a good few days to figure out that Caius was gone after our work. It would be a nice head start to get the hell out of dodge.

"I will not leave here without this one Aro. I refuse to be rejected by some simpleton. He will be ours by the end of the week, I give you my word."

My skin erupted in chills at the sound of his voice. The last time I heard it…..No. Now is not the time for a panic attack.

Alice heard my rapid heartbeats and shortening of breath and rushed to my side in a panic. She began to tug on my arm in a desperate plea to get us out of here. I looked down at her briefly, her eyes wide with fear like a small child afraid of a monster. There was a monster here, and I wouldn't let her live with it anymore. I rolled my shoulders back and nodded to her calmly, conveying that I was ok. But she did not look any more relieved.

"I wouldn't have needed Chelsea anyways! I can get him on my own!" The grown ass man screeched into his phone before loudly hanging it up. What a fucking baby. I moved and motioned Alice to follow as we peered around the open doorway.

My eyes zeroed in on my target and it suddenly felt as natural as a hunt. Caius was my prey, and I was the much stronger animal. I looked behind me to signal to Alice that I was about to start my plan, however just by the sight of her, I knew the plan was out the window.

Her eyes were pitch black, blacker than I'd ever seen them. Her body shook violently, almost as if she herself was a shapeshifter and was about to burst from her own skin. A loud snarling growl erupted from her chest, immediately alerting Caius to our presence.

Fuck.

His back stiffened and he turned to face us, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Now isn't this a nice surprise."

"Alice no!" She had lunged before I could grab her and my mind was completely blank.

Well it wasn't blank, it just had about a million thoughts running through it about a mile a minute. I couldn't make any sense of it.

Alice's rage was radiating off of her in resounding waves. If I were human, they would have knocked me on my ass with their shear force.

But that wasn't the reason why my feet had turned to lead. No. It was because I was completely mixed up.

I was the one that always screwed up the plan. I was the impulsive and irrational one in the relationship. I was the fuck up.

Alice was always there to clean up my messes and yell at my idiocy. But now the roles had reversed and I was temporarily lost.

My once tame wife had pounced on Caius, taking us both by surprise. She began to scream many a curse words and several threats as she pounded him into the ground. It was as if I was in an alternative universe. One where Alice jumps to play the hero and shouts out profanities.

Unfortunately Caius' brief moment of confusion ended before mine did, and he fought back much more composed than she. Her mind was not really in a logical state at the time, so it was no surprise when he gained the upper hand.

"You really sent your little bitch after me? Couldn't even do the job yourself 173952?"

"That's not her name!" Alice choked out from his death grip around her neck. Small cracks began to form around it as he tightened his pressure.

"I know her name. After all, I did help make her." He sneered and continued to slowly crush her weakening skin.

Finally, after god knows how long I stood there like a useless statue, something in me snapped back in place.

He was going to kill her. He was going to kill Alice, my mate, as I sat there and watched, doing absolutely nothing.

I lost all control in my body. The double yellow lines that I had been walking on for so long just became too thin. But the reaction was something that I wasn't expected.

My body exploded into an unwilling shift. The beast inside of me took the reins and lunged at the man with new found fear in his eyes. The wolf had not been let out of its cage for far too long.

Alice fell back onto the ground with a small yelp, but stayed put. From either fright or her own injuries, even she knew not to go near this event unfolding.

The growls from my form echoed all around as I closed in for my greatest revenge. And as I had suspected all along, Caius was the biggest coward of all. Once he faced true power, a real adversary, he crumbled. I finally had the upper hand in this relationship, I had the control. And he was going to pay dearly for his sinful acts.

Ripping him apart was truly exhilarating. Feeling his skin crunch as if it were a mere chip was pure bliss. I'm sure I looked quite rapid while I tore him into shreds, but I didn't care. Even after his screams had long vanished and he only remained as pieces, it wasn't enough. Each bit of skin was much too big for my liking. I wanted him to be a pile of dust before I burnt it into nothing.

After about ten minutes of this barbaric behavior from me, Alice finally called my name softly.

"Bella. I think he's dead." She whispered quietly, obviously worried about my current state. Granted, I was highly annoyed that she had interrupted me. That is until I turned around to growl at her absurd statement and caught sight of her slowly healing neck.

My rage wore away and I melted back into my skin just as uncontrollably as I has shifted out of it.

"Alice your neck." I started my way towards her with a gentle hand outstretched, but she held out her own to sop me.

"Will heal." Her tone was short. Wait, why was she mad at me? Before I had the chance to ask, she sighed and turned away. "Stay there. Let me get you some clothes."

When you were married to a werewolf, it was just common sense to have some spare outfits in the car, no matter the situation. I stood and waited patiently for her while she returned with some jeans and a t shirt.

"Here." She handed them to me carefully and I quickly put them on, still confused by her mood. Yet once again before I could ask she interrupted me. Except this time with an outburst of crying. "Oh Bella I'm so sorry! I could have really fucked everything up and I'm so fucking stupid. I just saw his face and – and I don't know! Something just came over me and I had no control."

I could have laughed if she wasn't so upset. The emotion she was describing to me was exactly what I had just felt.

"I know Alice. I know." I rushed to her side and pulled her tightly into my chest, while still wary of her injury.

"You know?" She squeaked through several dry sobs.

"Why do you think I wolfed out so crazy? I saw him hurting you and something in me just snapped." I could tell that made her feel slightly better, but she continued to cry. "Please stop crying baby. Everything's ok now. See?"

"But it could not have been! I mean, what if he- what if he-?" Alice had turned to look up at me with big round watery eyes and trembling lips.

"But he didn't. And now he never can."

Alice POV:

Bella very sweetly let me cry myself out on her for a little while. The day was very emotional and I was immensely grateful for her patience and forgiveness. I knew she hated it when I cried. She once told me it was her least favorite sound in the world. I understood completely, since seeing her cry was my least favorite thing as well. But sometimes you just can't help it when shit happens.

"Come on. We need to get going." Bella held me close as she prodded me to move. Oh that's right. We just killed a Volturi king. Kind of can't sit there in one place once that happens.

"Oh here. Use this lighter." I tossed her the Romanians lighter instead of the one she was about to use. "If we're lucky, maybe they'll get blamed for it instead." She barked a laugh and smiled as she threw the lit lighter into the pile of Caius.

"You're quite sharp you know."

"Oh I know." My mood was lightening as we walked back to the car. After all, it was a good day.

"However I highly doubt I'd be taken off any shit-list even if Aro believes it was the Romanians." Bella opened the door for me and then jogged to the driver's side. "And yet I don't really care. Actually, I kind of want him to know it was me."

We drove through the country in relative silence, quietly debating where to stay next.

"How does it feel?" I finally asked, not able to contain my question anymore.

"I don't know." She shrugged truthfully. "Right now I'm just hoping I don't wake up from this." I giggled and snuggled her side.

"You won't." I myself, was flying on top of the world right now. To know that my mate would never be touched by him again, that was something I couldn't even describe. It was a mix of great relief and joy.

Eventually we settled on staying in Poland for the night and then we'd decide where next in the morning. Bella tried to get us a shabby hotel, but I insisted on a high end one to celebrate the occasion. We deserved a little luxury once in a while.

"You spoil me too much." She smirked once we entered our suite. It was early in the evening and I was feeling good.

"And I love to. Now come on, the night is still young. How about a shower and a rally? After all, it is still your birthday."

"Sounds like a plan." She chucked and sat down on the bed to remove her shoes as I busied myself with picking out an outfit for the evening.

"What are you thinking Bells? Dinner maybe? We could go dancing." I smiled at the thought and waited for Bella's affirmative, but only silence greeted me. "Well fine we don't have to go dancing. But we should at least do something to celebrate. Dealer's choice." Once again there was no response and a slight panic grew in my chest. "Bella?" I turned around to make sure some god awful luck did not somehow come our way after all. But the sight that welcomed me positively made me coo.

My loving wolf was half slumped, one shoe off, the other halfway there, and an unbuckled belt, lightly snoring. My face had broken into a wide smile at her most innocent form.

As stealthily as possible, I made my way over to her and helped out with the other shoe, ultimately carefully pushing her back into the bed. But as it turns out, it didn't really matter how tender I was, Bella was out cold. In fact, I'd never seen her so deep in sleep before. And that's when the realization of how much Caius had affected her life hit me like a brick wall.

All this fear, all this guilt, shame, and anger she had been holding onto, she could finally let go.

So this was what happened when all that mental stress left her life. She could finally sleep. And now I had a new favorite sound on earth, the sound of a snoring wolf.

One down. One to go.