*Insert apology for taking so long to post here*

In all seriousness, sorry ya'll. Got a new laptop though :)

What did you think when you made me this way?

What did you think when you love me this way?

Hold me so close when we get to the gates

And we'll be together forever and ever and more

Hold me close

My little Draculove

Wrap your arms around me

My Draculove

Chapter 40: Instincts

Bella POV

"Bella! Just where do you think you're going young lady?" Esme caught me, once again trying to sneak out into the town for some fresh air.

"Esme come on! Just let me stretch me legs!" I cried out, annoyed at this whole fucking situation. I was essentially on house arrest until the threat of the Volturi was over with.

Esme glared at me, her arms crossed as she stood her ground. At which point I decided to put on my puppy dog face and pout at Alice.

"I can go with her if it'll make you feel better?" Alice offered, my look succeeding.

"Stop guilting her Bella! Or I swear we'll separate the two of you."

"Separate us?" I questioned about how they could possibly achieve that.

"The couch in the living room is a lovely place to sleep Bella. But not so much when it's against your will." Carlisle stated, walking over to shut the porch door I had previously opened.

"You wouldn't!" Alice gasped, as if just speaking about such things were a sin.

"Well we don't want to. But if you try to escape again, you'll leave us with no choice." Esme scolded us before walking away to busy herself with a new craft. She may be allowed to leave the house, but she spent most her time in it anyways, preoccupied with keeping an eye on me. I felt she may be just as bored as I was.

"Can I at least go outside? Emmett and Jasper are practicing fighting." I turned to Carlisle, desperate for some reprieve.

"Yes. But you know the boundaries. And another Cullen has to be with you at all times when outside. Not that one." Carlisle pointed at an ashamed looking Alice and reopened the door for me.

"Come on." I grumbled to Alice, leading her outside with me to an awaiting Emmett.

"Aw what's the matter big bad Bells? Do mom and dad not trust the two of you together?" The bear man grinned, prompting Alice to shove him to the ground.

"Shut up Emmett!" While Alice busied herself with beating up her giggling beast of a brother, I rolled up my sleeves and approached Jasper. He smiled genuinely at me and led us to the open clearing where the mock fights took place.

"I am truly sorry about the house arrest Bella. I'm sure it can't be much fun."

"Not particularly no. But here's to hoping this is all over with soon." I grinned and readied myself for his attack. But he shifted out of his aggressive stance and frowned.

"How can you say that so easily? Does it not scare you?"

"Not-not really, I guess." I stumbled for the right words as I thought. "I've always tried to not take life too seriously in general. And plus, this has been a drawn-out process for me. The fear kind of faded after a while."

"Hmmmmm." Jasper listened to me quietly and then pushed back into his fighting crouch again. "Alright. Ready?"

"Let's go."

"Alice?" I called softly to the pixie sitting in my lap and reading a book.

"Mmm?" She responded, her eyes never wavering from her reading, but her hand stroking my knee to let me know she was listening.

"Am I manipulating you?"

"What?" The absurdity of my question caught her off guard and she spun around immediately. "Why on Earth would you think that?"

"The others think so…" I whispered quietly picking at the fabric on the shirt she was wearing.

"Oh that!" She exclaimed, happy to catch up to my train of thought. "No, I just can't say no to you."

"And that's not manipulating?"

"Well, no. It's like if Rose were to really want something and Emmett wouldn't be able to deny her. It's just a mate thing." Alice angled herself better in my lap while she explained to me and propped her chin up onto my knee. "Would you be able to say no to me if I asked you for something I wanted?"

"Not for a second." I replied automatically, bringing a smile to her stunning face.

"See? Mate thing."

"Hm." I groaned, sort of unsatisfied, and Alice jumped on that.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm just bored. And that's not me trying to get something out of you." I added hurriedly as a disclaimer.

"Don't you like the toy I got you?" She asked, referring to the old Corvette she had purchased weeks ago to keep me busy fixing it up. While I appreciated it greatly, I really only worked on cars when I was pissed off about something. The garage was a great place to blast some music and angrily fix things.

"I do. But I'm not in the mood for that right now. I miss being able to do whatever the hell I want."

"Well there is something you and I could do…" Alice lowered her gaze and began to purr.

"You're a perv." I shoved her off and got up from the couch, heading to the kitchen for a blood bag.

Though they didn't say, I'm sure another reason why the Cullens had decided on this house arrest solution was their concern for my new diet. New to them, not to me. Carlisle kept the fridge stocked, but with minimal supply. I knew they were plotting an intervention of some kind soon.

"What?" Alice cried out and followed me, wrapping her arms around my waist as I fed. "Are you tired of me already?" I chuckled and turned around to cup her face once I was finished.

"Never." She grinned, however I saw her already dark eyes grow blacker at the smell of my meal. "Al you gotta hunt."

"I know." She sighed at my observation and moved away. "Jasper and I are planning a trip either today or tomorrow. But you know I hate leaving you."

"What?! This is brand new information to me!" That earned me a hard shove into the fridge. "Oh alright. Yeah I know baby. But I think now is probably the safest time you'll ever leave me. Unable to leave the house and under full custody of your entire family."

"Still not ideal."

"Go tonight. Right after I go to sleep. You'll be gone and back before I even wake up."

"But what if you have a -?"

"If I have a nightmare, I have a nightmare. You can't stop them from happening even when you are there. Besides, you have to admit I've been much better lately."

"They have been." She sighed, knowing her fate was sealed. "Ok."

"Hey, look at that."

"What?" Alice asked as she gently rubbed my free hand.

"We just had a very polite conversation about your needing to hunt and we came up with a solution with no yelling involved."

"I think we're growing." She chuckled and wrapped her arms around my neck to pull me down for a kiss.

"Ugh. Get a room." Emmett had impeccable timing when it came to entering a room.

"I hate this family!" Alice called to the entire house and I laughed at her relatable annoyance.

"Come on. I'm tired anyways." I pulled her upstairs with me before she and Emmett could further bicker. They could go for hours if it wasn't stopped.

Once settled, I went through my normal nighttime routine and prepared for bed. Alice continued to make sure I was okay with her leaving while I slept, and I had to keep reassuring her I probably would never even notice her absence. Eventually when I plopped into bed with her, she seemed to finally be calm.

"Do you want me to pick you up anything while I'm away?"

"Maybe a few new books? Oh, and a couple movies for us for our 'date nights'." I suggested to her. Life could not have been more different for us than it was just a month ago. We'd come accustomed to spontaneity and doing whatever the hell we wanted. Now everything was like we were in a damn care home.

"Sure." She smiled sadly at our situation and molded herself to me as my own personal body pillow. Safe to say I fell asleep in no time with this comfort.

"Her stubbornness? Is it something we can fix?"

"Obviously we've been trying. There's something wrong with her."

"She was supposed to work. They all were."

"Well maybe it was your venom brother. I told you, you should have used mine." I lay, listening to the sounds of the two squabbling kings. Like children, I thought.

"Dear Caius, you really think she would be any less stubborn with your venom rather than mine? You fool."

"Then what is it? The boy, he has it too. But his feeds from hers."

"It must be something she had before. We just need to remedy it."

"I told you, I've been trying!"

"Well try harder! We've shown our faces to the entire world Caius. We need her on our side to win. If we don't prevail, we're done."

"The informant said –"

"I know what he said! Just fix her!" Aro stormed off in a rage, leaving Caius ready to throw a tantrum. Unfortunately, I was going to be on the receiving end of that.

I heard him before I felt him.

Something was suffocating me. Hot, thick humid air surrounded me, and I woke up in a panic. Still blind from fright I struggled in the dark, fighting off invisible demons.

"Get off!" I yelled, finally succeeding in shoving the tightly wrapped sheet away from me. Almost an immediate relief flowed through me after the cool fresh air hit my body.

A quick glance around let me know I was safe in bed again. A sweat soaked bed yes, but a safe one. Various areas on me stung and I looked down to find several long scratches along my arms and chest. I sighed and pulled my knees into my chest, taking deep calming breaths. From the scent, Alice had been gone for several hours.

"Does that happen often?" I jumped about a foot off the bed at the sudden new voice filling my supposed safe harbor. "Sorry." Rosalie called apologetically after realizing what she had done.

"Um, not really." I lied naturally after recovering from my slight panic.

"Liar." She stood near the door, left open I'm sure from Alice. "She told me to keep an ear open for you."

"It wasn't as bad as it looks."

"Another lie. Do you even know how to tell the truth?" Rosalie eventually decided on letting herself in and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Lies don't hurt people." I muttered, pulling out of my fetal position.

"I forgot how stupid you are."

"What the hell?"

"Last time I checked, all the lies you've told have always hurt someone more." I sighed and nodded at her truthful statement.

"Sorry." Closing my eyes, I tried to focus away from the pain of the cold sweat seeping into the open cuts.

"You know I have to tell Alice about this."

"I know. Just wait until she's done hunting."

"Deal." My eyes were still closed, but I could feel Rosalie shifting closer to assess me. "I guess I'm lucky the only options I had were death or vampirism. Not that I had a choice, but at least I don't have to sleep. No nightmares." Her fingers reached out to a particularly deep scratch along the back of my neck leading into my hairline. I winced from the contact. "Sorry. Do you want Carlisle?"

"No. No I'm fine they'll heal soon."

"Ok." She stood up and walked towards the door again. "You sure you're alright?" Finally opening my eyes, I sat up and surveyed the damage. The sheets were covered in sweat and spattered in my blood, and I'm sure I looked the same.

"Yeah." I forced a smile and began to strip the bed.

"Need any help? Or I could get Esme to make you some of that sleepy tea you like?"

"No really I'm good Rose. I'm just going to throw these in the wash and then take a shower." I bundled the sheets in my arms and walked past her to the laundry room. She followed me, like I was about to spontaneously explode or something. Eventually when I seemed alright enough for her to leave alone, she nodded and left.

Sunlight was starting to enter the room and I knew Alice wouldn't be far behind. Careful of my aching body, I stripped the sweat drenched clothes off and turned on the shower. The hot water initially stung ever harder, but the pain faded away after some time and the healing process began on the smaller cuts. Showers had always been soothing for me, so I stood under the stream for a good ten minutes before actually washing anything, letting my muscles unwind.

The bathroom door creaked open and Alice's scent surrounded me. Any part of me that wasn't calm before was now for sure. From the smell of wildlife on her, I knew she'd join me, so I didn't bother to greet her. Sure enough, I felt her body slide behind mine.

No words were needed. She started to tenderly kiss every scratch that hadn't healed by the time of her arrival. I turned to face her and immediately cracked a grin at her appearance.

"What?" Alice cried at my silent laughter.

"Did you even stop once to look at yourself?" I asked, gently pulling several large twigs and leaves from her hair.

"No. I was about to, but-"

"Rose called." I finished for her, saddened by my mate's worry.

"Yeah." She leaned up to kiss my frown and then grabbed the bottle of shampoo.

Her eyes were a molten gold color, which did help to lighten my mood. She worked quietly and I stood diligently for her. The vibrating purr she emitted from our close embrace was enough reward for me.

"So, you're ok?"

"Yes." I leaned down and touched our foreheads together. She nodded and licked her lips, her mood was unreadable. Wandering hands snaked their way down my abdomen, one touch to my inner thigh and something inside me snapped.

Unaware of how it happened, somehow I had slammed the small woman against the side of the shower, my hand wrapped tightly around her throat and a growl escaping mine.

"So you're not ok." Despite how menacing my actions and sounds were, she didn't even flinch. Almost as if she expected this exact reaction.

"Sorry." I muttered automatically, but nothing in me meant it. My hand refused to move from her neck.

"Talk to me." Still so calm, even as I felt my eyes growing dark, boring into hers.

I wanted to tell her. Tell her exactly how wound up I was. How the only thing I could think about right now was shoving her further into this wall, and fucking her until she cried.

"Nothing." Painfully going against my body's will, I pulled my hand away and exited the shower before I could do something I'd regret.

"It didn't look like nothing." Alice rushed to turn off the water and follow me. "I mean, it looked like you were about to…" She paused reaching a hand out to touch my bare shoulder.

"And I didn't. So please just drop it." I shrugged her hand away and began to dress.

"Is this a Volturi thing? Is this another control issue? I told you, you can talk to me about that stuff. Is it a Cai-?" A warning look from me told her to not finish that sentence. "Is it?"

"No." I mumbled truthfully. "I don't know what it was." That part was a lie.

"Well that's just not true." She stood staring at me and I shrugged again, avoiding looking at her. Unfortunately, my body language gave me away. The cocky little thing grabbed my face and forced me to look her in the eye. "Either you tell me, or I'll force it to happen again."

"Stop." I tried to break her grasp, but it seemed to piss her off and she tried to kiss me again. "Stop I don't want to hurt you." I growled angrily. Did she not understand the seriousness of the situation?

"Then tell me what's wrong." I shook my head no, pushing her away. Obviously I underestimated her stubbornness because within a second she had violently tackled me, straddling my waist.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I yelped at her surprise attack.

"I told you I'd get answers. So, either tell me, or fight me."

"Are you insane?!"

"Bella, you already know the answer to that is yes." She smiled and fought against my extremely soft struggles until the thing inside of me snapped once again.

"DON'T FUCKING DO THAT AGAIN!" I roared angrily once I finally had her painfully pinned underneath me. And fuck me, she was still naked.

"Do it."

"No."

"You want to."

"No I don't."

"Your face can't lie like your words can." She smirked, the freak was actually excited about setting me off this way. My heart hammered so hard I worried it might explode.

"I SAID NO!" I was out of breath, panting from the effort to keep myself together.

"It's a full moon." Alice finally put the pieces of the puzzle together and stopped fighting me so I could calm down.

"Yes."

"And you've been cooped up in here for far too long."

"Stop sugar coating it." I stood up and offered her a hand. She took it and let me pull her up gracefully. "You brought a wild animal home and now it wants out."

"Maybe I could talk Carlisle and Esme into –"

"No, you can't. They're right anyways. I just have to keep fighting my instincts."

"It's not fair. You haven't phased in weeks. You really think you can contain that?"

"I have to. Otherwise I don't know what I'll do once I'm free." Alice dressed quietly and I sat down on the bare bed.

"Do you really believe you have so little control? You were fine with me."

"That was before. Now I'm so fucking tightly wound I don't even know what I'm capable of."

"Like in the shower?" I nodded into my hands, ashamed of my thoughts. "You're not a monster Bella. You've just been dealt a shitty hand. Stop bluffing."

"So you're saying I should fold?"

"No. I think you should draw some new cards." I smiled and finally looked up to where she stood over me.

"I love you." Alice beamed and reached for my hands to get me up.

"I love you too. Now come on, the Denalis arrived a few hours ago."

"Yeah?" I hadn't met them yet.

"Yep. Eleazar wants to meet you and figure you out."

"Oh good. Can he tell me what's going on in there?" I joked, but hoped a little.

"I don't think that's how it works. Now let's go wolf-girl."