"Well," he walks back into the room, and I follow behind. Inside are a various, extensive array of sex toys, which were hung in cabinets or place atop of wardrobes. There were cupboards and wardrobes of what I would only assume to be more toys. They all lines the walls, with a single royal blue, circular carpet in the centre, the same shade of blue painted the walls, and dark blue LED lights lined the ceiling. "Since I know I'm your first sexual partner, I'll assume that you've never used any toys?"
He looks over to me and I look away embarrassed, "No I haven't."
He came towards me, taking me into a hug, "Hey. Don't you dare feel embarrassed. I don't care if you been with 0 or 100 men."
"I know, but I'm worries I'll do something wrong. You have so much experience, I'm just making this up as I go along."
He laughs and steps back, looking at me affectionately, "Experience? You are the first and only person I've fallen in love with. All those other women was a casual fuck or distraction. I am terrified everyday of fucking up with you, I too am making everything up as we go along."
"Maybe you're inexperienced with relationships, but you know everything there is to know about-"
"Sex? So what? Don't get me wrong, sex with you is the best I've ever had and a huge thing I love about you, but it's not one of the things I love you for. I love that you're inexperienced, and that I can be the one to show you it all. It doesn't matter that you're inexperienced, I love you all the same."
"Ok," I smile.
"I'll give you a minute to look around. I'm going to tell the house keeper to take the day off." I beginning to slow take a turn about the room, running my hand over toys laid with precision n the dust-free wardrobe tops. Surly for cleanliness of this level someone cleans once a week in here. Does Jacob clean? Does his house-keeper? What would she think of all this? How many women has he used these on? "Nobody." He says walking back into the room. "I replaced them when I moved here thinking I might eventually buy another place for my...activities."
"Oh." I keep walking before stoping and a contraption hanging from the ceiling.
"It's a sex swing," he states casually. "How does it work?"
"Usually a person tries to walk before they run, and that right there is a sprint."
Looking into his eyes daringly I say, "Quite frankly I enjoy a decent run."
I continue to walk around the room. In another draw, are handcuffs, and in the one bellow, gags. When I go to open the draw next to it, he places his had on it to prevent me from opening it. But I push his hand out of the way, and inside are pieces of paper. I turn them around, and as a law student, I'm quite familiar with NDA's. "You made women sign NDA's?"
"With my reputation, my previous personal lawyer highly suggested it."
I turn my attention to the top piece of paper, and typed on the front is my name. "You drew up a contract for me!"
"This was even before our first night together. It was the night you Becky and Spencer came over for dinner, and I just knew that I wanted to pursue you."
"So you would have asked me to sign a sex contract for you!" He stood in silence and my body boiled with rage.
"It was before anything every happened romantically with you. You blew it all to hell the first night you stayed over and we slept together." I placed the contracts back in the draw and continue to look through the draws.
"Did you ever use any of this stuff to...punish women."
"Only if that was their kink. But all of them had safe words."
"Did you always use condoms?"
"Of course." He said sternly. "But," he breathed, his mouth dry, "I had been meaning to ask you, if you wanted to go on the pill, so we didn't have to use them anymore?"
I can't help but suppress a laugh at the way he blushes flabbergasted. "I-I want to. But I can't afford it."
He groans, "Please just let me pay for it. I promise you I don't see you as some charity case, and I promise you I DO see you as an equal, but I want to feel you completely." I stay quiet for a while, before agreeing. "But until then," walks over to a chest of draws and pulls out a 6 inch metal teardrop-shaped object. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yes," I murmur, smiling shyly at him.
He strides towards me and slings me over his shoulder. I squeal as he does so, and he slaps my ass. Despite facing backwards and being upside down, I can tell we're going to the bedroom. It scares me how many times we've actually been in here in the small space we've been together. He places me gentle on the bed so that I'm sitting facing him, and so that he towers above me. "You have to understand you will have complete control over what you experience. What do you want you're safe word to be?"
"Stop." I laugh.
Though he smiles slightly, his demeanour remain serious, "This isn't a joke. There's a fine line between pleasure and pain, and it's not a line I'm willing to cross with you."
"I mean, I guess the colour of you're room is 'blue', so, it seems fitting." He walks over to the iPad in the corner of the room, and plays some music. It's slow, hypnotic electronic beat becomes ambient and the beat is measured, deliberate . . . erotic. It's music to make love to. Walking back over to me, he removes his shirt in one graceful pull. Leaving him in ripped black jeans and his fine torso, contracting with each step, biceps so sharp, cutting through the air as he walks towards me. I bite my lip as I squirm with both impatience and desire. He glides his hands down to the bottom of my shirt and pulls it over my head. His expert hands undo the clasp of my bra with a single movement, and it falls down my arms, exposing my breasts.
"You're so beautiful," he murmurs bring his hand up face, brushing a loose hair behind my ear. "I have always been critical and ashamed of how I looked, constantly being degraded by others for simply being a person of colour. But not with Jacob. No. With him I feel empowered and sanguine. "We have to get you ready first before we play with any of the toys." I nod, always feeling unable to allow words to intrude on this intimacy. He bends over me so that I am forced to lie on the bed, my legs hanging off the edge. Placing his hands firmly on the loops of my jeans, he begins to pull them down. Then going for my underwear, slipping two fingers on each side of my bear hips, pulling lightly so that the panties would come of, but his finger would also live behind a trail of tingling on the skin they grazed. Then he pushes my body back on the bed, so that my entire naked body was touching the cool white sheet below me. "I had a hard-on all day, because I couldn't stop thinking of that beautiful face." He rubs the palm of his hand against my clitoris and I moan in response. "Your moans turns me just as much as your tits do," he whispers as his palm works against me. "Yes," he breathes as his palm continues to tease me.
"Please," I beg silently.
"I'll do anything you want me to do, as long as you keep looking at me like that." He inserts one finger inside me, slowly moving in an out building a tempo. Gently, using his free hand, he rolls my nipple between his thumbs and forefinger, and they harden and lengthen under his expert touch, sending synaptic waves of pleasure all the way to my groin. "You have such beautiful breasts, baby," he murmurs and my nipples harden further in response. He murmurs his approval and I moan. His lips move down from my neck toward one breast, trailing soft bites and sucks over and over, down toward my nipple. He removes both his hands and grabs the toy on the beside table. He uses both hands to position my hips in the correct position, never breaking my gaze, reassuring me in every way, that I am both safe, and loved. I tense up on my knees as he runs his fingers between my buttocks. "It's all ok" he breathes close to my ear and kisses my neck as his fingers stroke and tease me. His other hand glides down my belly to my sex, palming me once more. He eases his fingers inside me, and I moan loudly, appreciatively. "I'm going to put it inside you now. Okay?," he murmurs.
"Where?"
"Not here." His fingers trail between my buttocks. "But here." He moves his fingers round and round, in and out, hitting the front wall of my vagina.
"Ah."
"Baby." Jacob removes his fingers and slides the object into me. He cups my face and kisses me, his mouth invading mine, instantly the plug inside me starts to vibrate. Down there! I gasp. The feeling is foreign and yet extraordinary.
"Ah!" Jacob calms me, stifling my gasps with his mouth. His hands move down and tug very gently on the clamps. I cry out loudly. "Jacob, please!"
"You're doing so good baby. Hang in there." This is too much—all this overstimulation, everywhere. My body starts to climb, and on my knees, I'm unable to control the buildup. I question wether I can handle this, the pleasure builds to much that my body starts to shake.
"Good girl," he soothes.
"Jacob," I pant, sounding desperate even to my own ears.
"I know, just embrace it Emma. Don't be afraid." His hands are now on my waist, holding me, but I can't concentrate on his hands, but instead what's inside me. My body is building, building to an explosion—with the relentless vibrations and the sweet sucking on my breasts and neck is pushing me over the edge. Holy hell. It will be too intense.
I can't hold on any more, and I scream as my body convulses and climaxes at the overwhelming fullness. As my body explodes, I'm nothing but sensation—everywhere. "Argh!" I cry out, and Jacob wraps himself around me, holding me, as my body continues to pulse mercilessly inside. I shout again, pleading, and this time he tugs the vibrator out of me, and his finger, too, as my body continues to convulse. My head lolls on his shoulder, and I am lost, lost to all this overwhelming sensation. I'm all shattered breath, exhausted desire and sweet, welcome oblivion.
After a moment, his hands gently rub the backs of my thighs, my knees, my calves, and my shoulders. I feel the bed dip as he stretches out beside me. Although my heart craves his face like a drug, I don't feel I have the energy to even open my eyes. I feel the bed deep as he leans forward, kissing me softly on my lips. Only my erratic breathing disturbs the silence in the room and steadies as I float gently back to Earth, and I realise that the music has stopped. "You're so beautiful," he murmurs. I persuade my eyes to open, and notice that he's gazing down at me, smiling softly. "Hi," he says. I manage a grunt in response, and his smile broadens. "Are you ok?"
I nod and give him a reluctant grin. "I think you're trying to kill me," I mutter.
"Death by orgasm." He smirks. "There are worse ways to go," he says but then frowns ever so slightly as an unpleasant thought crosses his mind. It distresses me. I reach up and caress his face. When he takes my hand and kisses my knuckles, I lean up and capture his face between my hands and pull his mouth to mine. He kisses me briefly, then stops. "Let me make love to you?"
As I tighten around him, finding my release once more, Jacob unravels in my arms, his head thrown back as he calls out my name. He clasps me tightly to his chest as we sit nose to nose in the middle of his vast bed, me astride him. I realise at this moment that there is no going back. I have fallen for this man to far to ever come back from it. If I was to ever find myself without him, I struggle to think that I could survive. I am completely overcome with all these feelings. I am so deeply, deeply in love with him. For the first time I'm offered a glimmer of understanding as to how he feels about my safety, how important surveillance and knowing where i am is to him. It's not becuase he' afraid that he doesn't have complete control over me, it's that he can't stomach the idea of something happening to me. It's New York he doesn't trust. Not me. Recalling his many close encounters with deranged, obsessed women, I shudder at the thought and tears pool in my eyes. If anything ever happened to him—I love him so much. My tears run unchecked down my cheeks.
There are so many sides of Jacob—his sweet, gentle persona he only shares with me, his dangerous -Fuck-me-over-and-see-what-happens side, and his wild, machine like stamina. All spectacular. All mine. And I'm aware we don't know each other well, and we have a mountain of issues to overcome, but I know for each other, we will—and we'll have a lifetime to do it.
"Hey," he breathes, clasping my head in his hands, gazing down at me. He's still inside me. "Why are you crying?" His voice is filled with concern.
"Because I love you so much," I whisper. He half-closes his eyes as if drugged, absorbing my words. When he opens them again, they blaze with his love.
"I love you too." He kisses me gently and for minutes to come it's me in his lap, our legs curled around each other, talking about serious matters that have taken us a while to approach. The white sheet is draped around us like a cocoon, and I have no idea how much time has passed.
"I love you for always letting me be me and us be us."
"What else do you love about me?" he asks and his eyes widen.
I know it's a huge deal for him to ask this question. I love everything about him, even the passion and fire he brings when we fight. Though it shouldn't, it thrills me, nothing is ever boring with us. And I like it that way. I know that life with Jacob will never be boring. "This." I stroke my index finger across his lips. "I love this, and what comes out of it, and what you do to me with it. And what's in here." I caress his cheat where his heart is. "And this," I tough his temple, "You're so intelligent and wise and knowledgeable, skilled in so many things."
--
The next morning I wake up sore. Not the same soreness I felt the first night Jacob and slept together, more like a soreness that brought back the memories from last night. Every electric touch and sweet kiss. Like most mornings Jacob was already up before me, so I took the opportunity, to get changed for school. This would be the second time I'm going to have Jacob in my class and the uncanny awkwardness will be stifling. Once I'm ready I notice that his office door is closed and I can here yelling from the inside. I decide not to intrude or eavesdrop on whatever conversation he's having. Instead, I go to the kitchen and brew some coffee, making myself a late with one sugar. Moments later Jacob emerges and his hard, stern facial expressions soften as he looks at me. Just knowing that I have such an effect on him is gratifying and covers my skin in goosebumps. "Morning baby," he says still lightly agitated from this morning.
"Are you alright?"
"Fine, just some lazy-ass contractors."
"Replace them," I say giggling.
"Cute." He says unamused, "but I can't afford to be delated any longer with finding new contractors."
"Spencer's sisters husbands a contractor. And I'm sure after I watched and put my life on the life for their kids that they would happily take on you're project."
He smiles at my attempts to be helpful, and takes the cup out of my hands sipping in, only to scrunch up his face in disgust. "How do you drink that crap?"
"It's coffee."
"No. Coffee is just black coffee. Not you're strange milky-sugary concoction."
"I have a class to get to," I murmur.
"I know. I'm you're guest lecture," he says, titling my chin up so he can kiss me.
--