The next morning exhilarated. Ever since I was a child, things even as basic as starting a new job would draw the up most excitement out of me. While I know many people, including Spencer have raised the point that with a boyfriend like mine, working shouldn't even be a concern, but as much as I appreciate Jacob's willingness to help, I need to make something of myself, completely separated from my world famous boyfriend. The alarm goes at 4:50 am, and I am quick to turn off it's persistent beeping. After being joined by Jacob in the shower, for 'water saving' reasons, where he gave me four-leg-numbing orgasms, he continues to distracts me as I get changed into a black T-shirt and jeans. As he brushes past me deliberately as he gets changed himself, and when I'm reaching for a pair of black graters, he pretend to reach above me for something above the wardrobe. I can feel his hard, taunt dick pressing into my back. Coughing slightly, I press into him, making his erection even worse. It was flattering to know even after I made him come the four times with me this morning, he was still horny for me. By 5:20 I text Peter to ask if he was ready, and just like I had asked him to he replied, 'When you are Emma'. I'm glad nothing between the dynamic Peter and I had changed. While he was never a 'father figure' I have known him since I was 6 and he is someone I would somewhat call an 'uncle'. "Peter's ready for us," I tell Jacob as he drinks his coffee at the kitchen island.

"That's what I pay him for," he says distracted by whatever's on his phone, suddenly he looks up at me quizzically and says, "Since when do you text Peter?"

"Since he use to drive me home for free when I needed it for the past, I don't know 13-14 years."

"I didn't know that."

"Someday when I make enough money for being a lawyer, I plan to pay him for that. Of course I know he never did it so I would owe him someday, I just... I want to show him how much it meant to me that someone cared enough to look after my wellbeing aside from my mom and you're parents." The mention of my mom reigns in a looming dark cloud and conflicting decision, but I dismiss it just a quickly as it enters my head.

He downs the rest of coffee in one big gulp, and pads over to me in his mouth watering suit. Some twenty-year-old looks ridiculous when trying to pull something off like a suit. But not Jacob. He screamed divinity and sin, with his muscular frame slightly showing through the curves of the shirt, and his devilish good looks that honestly are a genetic 1 in a trillion. "Don't look at me like that or I can't help myself making you late."

Swallowing my desire, I slap his ass playfully and say, "Let's go then."

As pressured the manager places me on washing up duty. "Honestly, it may not be glamorous but it's easy money," she says honestly. Lucky for me, she seemed like a really sweet girl. She was only a few years older than me, and her fire-engine colour hair hung loosely around her shoulder length in loose curls, and aside from a clear pink lip gloss, her face was free of any make-up. I myself had just chosen to put my hair in a ponytail, and a light amount of mascara. She hands me an apron and says, "Also, feel free to wear headphones while you work. Unless you want to chat to anyone in the kitchen, generally most people just listen to music. You'll have a half an hour lunch break at 11:30 and feel free to leave by 1:30, unless you want to do a double shift after that?"

"Yes please." I respond eagerly. I had planned on working on my school work after this, but I guess I can just skip the whole sleep think tonight instead.

I take the rest of the time in the morning being shown how to operate the wash station most effectively and being introduced to my fellow co-works, one of whom I recognised from my old Mathematics class. She seems to of worked here for only a month herself and was joking with me about about how it felt great tp no longer be the newbie. When the place opened at 6:30, it was fairly quiet for the first five or so minutes, and I would wash a plate, or a coffee cup here and there, but when 7:00 rolled around, at least one hundred people had ordered, most were take away, but there were still quite a few who dined in, and the dishes just kept on pulling up.

I hadn't even realised at 12:30 that I had missed my lunch break. finally there was a decrease in customers and for the first time that morning I sat down on a chair out of the way in the kitchen. I checked my phone with I turned off, there was two texts fro Jacob asking how my day was, and if was planning on staying at the penthouse tonight. And one from Becky asking me to do another girls night tonight. I respond to Jacob telling him that I finish work late and can't make it, but he won't take no for an answer. He calls, but I decline it, and text 'Babe, I really can't tonight, I've got but I've got plans with Becky.' 'Okay have fun, I'll miss you though.' Reading his response hurts my heart, I'm so madly in love with how understanding he is. Before I can even text Becky back to confirm tonight, one of the employees comes into the kitchen running, "Crazy bitch in the house. You have to come listen to this."

"Karen?" another one of the employee's asks.

"No. Foster mom it sounds like."

Everyone from the kitchen, aside from those still cooking go out to see what she talking about. Surly enough there's a woman sitting at one of the tables with a young girl who appears to be her daughter, and the African child I suppose is the foster kid. "Do you want me to call the agency?" she practically spits at the child. "Send you back?"

"I would just like a grilled cheese. Maisy is allowed to get a milkshake and burger, why can't I?"

The woman slams forcefully on the table attracting the attention from nearby tables and says in a low, but still audible whisper, "How many times do I have to explain this to you? This is my real daughter, you're not going to be treated the same. You're a foster kid. Stop it. If you want a milkshake so bad, you can have Maisy's leftovers."

"But I want my own. And I never ask you to buy me stuff, but I know that you get 730 from the agency for me, and I would really just like a milkshake."

"No. Now either enjoy the the generous cookie I bought you." It was heartbreaking to watch such a thing unfold before me, and I was truly dumbfounded. I didn't know what to do, it seemed out of place for me to say something and jeopardise my job but at the same time this woman was being horrid and-

"Well I really would've just liked a white foster kid so..."

That's it. I march over to the table seeing as though nobody else is going to say something and I say to the woman, "Excuse me it there a problem over here?"

She gives me a once over, then responds as though she's talking down to me, "No issue here other than you invading my family's privacy."

"From what I overheard, you barely even consider this beautiful boy as a person let alone family."

"How dear you talk to me in such a way. I want to speak to your manager-"

"Fantastic, because you can be sure as hell I'll be having a nice conversation with child services."

"You know nothing about motherhood. You're just a child yourself." She spits.

"Maybe. But I would never treat a child so disrespectfully." Turning my attention back to the little boy. "What's your name?"

"Dakari." He says softly not meeting my eyes.

"Dakari. you order anything you would like, and I'll pay for it." I wasn't yet sure how but I new it didn't matter.

"A grilled cheese?"

"Absolutely, and what flavoured milkshake would you like?"

"Chocolate!" he says excitedly. I look over to my co-workers who are smiling proudly and I yell as if placing an order, "One grilled cheese and a Grande Chocolate Milkshake."

I don't allow the horrid woman to respond and I walk away back into the kitchen. Most people follow me back inside, and I recognise the dishes which I will need to wash again. "That was incredibly kind of you," says a man, who I believe to be named Deryl.

"Oh, thank you, but I was just doing what anyone would do."

"But they didn't. You did. All of us were cowards, but you wouldn't have it." I don't know how to respond, so I smile grateful, hoping he will go away. "You're Emma right?"

"Yes."

"Are you studding at Columbia?"

"Yeah, My major is political science."

"Awesome, I went to community college, wasn't my thing so I'm doing this until I figure out what to do with my life."

"That's cool. Do you have any idea what that might be?" I ask, my attention still focused on the final blender in front of me.

"Art maybe, but-" he stops talking as he notices the girl who I use to be in my math class enters, "Hey Harriet," he calls out. "See you later Emma," he says and jogs to her direction.

My phone started buzzing in my back pocket and the caller ID reads 'Jacob'. I hadn't yet changed it back to 'BOYFRIEND' since our last fight, and decided to make that a priority. "Hey baby," his voice sounds smooth.

"You've called me twice in the past hour, I would've thought you were busy."

"Oh, I am. In fact I'm in a meeting right now, but their waiting for me because I told them I needed to make a call."

"Some people see that as extremely rude."

"Eh. So how are you."

"Babe! Meeting remember!" I was flattered that he was holding up people in order to talk to me.

"I will as soon as you tell me how your days been."

I hang up the call for him, realising that he's not going to go back to that meeting without a lengthy conversation. He texts me, 'I get the message. But ever hang up on me again and I'll fuck you so long and hard you wont be able to walk for a week.' I shiver at the sexual though and inhale a sharp breath.

I don't leave work until 7:10 and I manage to take a left over pastry for my dinner. I officially don't have a single penny in my bank account. At least I got paid for the internship in two days which is the end of this fortnight, but even 65 is not going to sustain me for another 2 weeks, and certainly won't help me stay enrolled in Columbia. When I get back to the dorm, I shower and tiredly head over to Becky's dorm. She ends up falling asleep around midnight, and despite saying I would stay, I go back to my dorm and start to work. I don't stop until 7 in the morning, as I have an English class at 8. After giving myself half an hour to sleep, I quickly shower and get dressed. Spencer and Becky meet me down at the coffee cart and I order myself a Jumbo. Which held 800ml worth of liquid. "Are you alright darling?" Spencer asks concerned.

"Just exhausted and feeling like I want to cry, but other then that Im great," I bite at him. He holds his hand up to my forehead and I swat his hand away annoyed. "Can you not touch me." I say in my same tone as before, "Please."

I notice his worried side glance at Becky and that only infuriates me more, them pretending I'm not here. Assholes. Class goes by slowly, and while I managed to stay awake for it all, I can not remember a single thing we discussed. I looked at my phone. 12:30. I had a shift starting in one hour, which means I can have around 45 minutes of sleep. When I arrive in my dorm room, I flop right onto the bed face first and fall asleep. When my alarm went at 1:15 I dragged myself out of bed lazily, changing into the same jeans and T-shirt from yesterday. Most of my clothes are still at Jacobs, and right now I can't afford to use the washing machines. The only time I can wash my clothes now is at his place. God, things really have to change.

--

The rest of the week goes by uneventfully, and unfortunately I wasn't able to get any more than 2-3 hours of sleep every day. By the time Tuesday rolls around, my stomach is in so much pain I can barely function. I try and remember the last full meal I ate, but I really can only think of the business one I had with Jacob and Ava. Other then that, it's been absolute essentials. I feel lightheaded and nauseous, but I have work until 2:00 then I have a class. After showering and changing, I don't feel any better. When I exit the dorms, the sun in blinding, and the mix of horns and chatter and the smell of coffee is intoxicating.

Beneath my feet the concrete floor felt soft, not as much as even a firm carpet, but still not as hard as I remember concrete to be. I moved to the side of the building, my jeans brushing against the mildewed wall. It was hard to make out the details of the exterior due to the blinding light outside, but after a while I could make out the define environmental features. It was the same as it ever was, just green, with a blanket of orange and red and yellow covering the floor. On the wall was the school emblem, replaced just a few weeks ago. I went to walk up the stairs but it felt as though my foot went right through the first one. I staggered backward, my mind swirling, my breaths shallow until I no longer could support the weight of everything and fell in a heap to the floor.

--

The room I wake up in is as devoid of beauty as I am of energy. Its walls are simply cream, not peeling or dirty, just cream. There is no decoration at all, aside from the limp green curtain that can separate my bed from the three others in here. It was perhaps once the kind of green that reminds people of springtime and hope, but it's faded so much that the hue is insipid. The room as an undertone of bleach and the floor is simply grey. At the far end are windows with visible cobwebs forming in the corners, and slightly open at the top. For what I assume is a hospital, I notice an overwhelming amount of yellow and pink flowers, cards and home brought food. There are stands for intravenous drips and monitors. At the door are two vending machines, one with chips, chocolates and candy the other with water, Ice teas, and sodas. These items only reinforce my fear of germs, they are so ubiquitous here that cleaning is mandatory every time a doorway is passed or a patient is touched. But maybe the nurses will forget, or not wash properly, then what I would classify myself as a germaphobe per say, but I'm definitely conscience and somewhat anxious about cleanliness. "Thank God you're okay," Jacob says exaggerating relief.

"What happened?" I can barely remember what I did this morning, let alone end up in a hospital.

"You passed out," said the nurse.

"Oh," I say still trying to figure out, how, when and why.

"We ran a few blood tests and you tested positive for anemia."

"What's that?"

"Basically you're body doesn't have enough healthy red blood cells to carry adequate oxygen to your body's tissues. Unfortunately we can't yet tell if it's long term or short term issue. However, why that underlying health condition was a factor for why you fainted, the main reason was a lack of food water and sleep. This may be a hard question to answer, but have you ever struggled with an eating disorder the past?"

I look away, embarrassed and shamed, "No."

"Alright," she says sweetly.

"How soon until I can go home."

"As soon as you aren't considered malnourished, we can discharge you."

"No thank you, I would like to leave now."

"I'm sorry I can't let you do that," she says in a collected tone.

"Em, just listen to the doctor," Jacob says sweetly.

"Unless you are worried I'm going to cause harm to myself or others, or want to place me under a 72 hour psychiatric hold, then you can't stop me from leaving."

Jacob looks at me and sternly says, "Don't worry, she won't leave until you give her the all clear." The nurse smiles gratefully at him and exits.

I slump back down in the bed and mutter, "Bitch."

Jacob stands next to me holding my hand, the IV is inserted into the middle of my hand preventing him from holding it how he normally would. "I should have known something was wrong. You haven't been acting like yourself all week, when we made love was the only time we weren't arguing, even Becky and Spencer called worried about you. What happened babe?"

"Money's been tight right now."

"So you starved yourself? Working all those shifts?" He wasn't angry, but disappointed, and clearly hurt. "Why don't you just ask me for money? Take it from me even. You once told me that you loved making me happy. I'm only happy when you are. Money doesn't mean shit for me, all I care about it you."

I start to cry and it muffles and distorts my voice when I say, "I just want this relationship to be equal. When are you going to realise that you can do so much better than me. Someone prettier and less baggage, someone more you're...callabar. I mean, Ava broke up with YOU, and now SHE wants you back. How could you honestly tell me you would prefer this to her? Don't you see, I don't want to ask for money, because you are already giving me so much more than I give you. Not only that but I simply can't keep up with it all. I'm exhausted, and while I love you more than life itself I can't help but wonder how easy it would be to do what my mom wants and leave this all behind." I bury my face in my hands. For someone who wants to be the best lawyer they can be, I really seem to just unleash word vomit, and am controlled by my emotions all the time.

"I'll see what I can do about getting you home," he says meekly and exits the room. I know well enough that someone like Jacob will get me out in less that 15 minutes and I take the drip out myself.

--

We didn't speak on the way back to his Penthouse, and he didn't try to even hold my hand once. The state we are in now is confusing, he's not mad, but he's not calm. He's not sad, but he's not happy. When we exit the car her opens the door for me and helps me out, but as soon as my feet hit the ground and I'm balanced he releases my hand and we walk to the elevator. Why is he acting so distant? When we step into the living room, he walks for the kitchen, continuing to ignore me, "What did I do to get you so pissed at me?" I grumble. He simply ignores me and pours himself a tumbler of some orange liquor. "Real mature! Ignoring me."

"Why do you care?" he barks.

"Hmm, I wonder," I snarl sarcastically, "Why on earth would I be upset that my BOYFRIEND is ignoring me for no reason."

"No. Why do you care? You seem more than happy to just give up on this relationship when things get too hard."

"What!?"

"At the hospital! You said you you were happy to leave me behind."

"Come on, you know I meant my life in New York!"

"I'm part of your life in New York! Weather you want to accept what you said is whatever, but don't get ad at me, when I am trying so hard to make this relationship work, when all you want is for us to clearly fail."

"You're right! Working 60 hours a week to make enough money to stay in New York next semester to be with you is giving up!"

"I have never worked so hard for something in my life other than what we have! Don't you dare try and tell me that it is MY fault that YOU want to give up."

"Me give up! I'm trying to take care of you, if you would just swallow your pride for one moment-"

"My pride! If it wasn't for your arrogance-" I began to retort, but he cut me off.

"And accept my LOAN to you, then you wouldn't need to stress so much. I understand you want to do this all on your own, I'm listening, I swear I am, but just honestly think for a moment, what, it really the issue from taking a loan from a friend? Let alone your boyfriend. I don't think you understand just how much money I make, you're school tuition cost less that what I make in a week." This was the first time I had actually understood just how infuriated he must be to know that he could pay for all my troubles in a couple of days worth of money, but I want to spend five or so years doing so, considering, I would need to take out student loans, would mean an extra couple of years.

"Why can't you understand that I just need to have the reassurance that I can make it on my own! I don't want to end up like my mom. Dependent on my deadbeat partner, uneducated, wishing I had one more with my life and living in a trailer!"

He comes closer until I can smell the alcohol overlaying his warm flesh. My heart thuds, and I wet my lower lip, wondering what he'll do next. "You know what I hate the most about all this?" I shake my head. The back of his forefinger brushes along my cheek. The gesture is unexpectedly tender, which just makes it hurt more. "I still want you in spite of it all." His words are so soft, they barely whisper across my skin.

"Jacob..."

"I need to shower and do some work." He drops his hand like a guillotine and stalks away. Closing my eyes against the pain, I bury my face in my hands. How can I fix our relationship when he hates the fact that he still feels the connection between us? I can't keep arguing. Jacob doesn't have a problem with who I am...it's just what I'm stubbornly choosing to do. I can work with that. I can find a way to make him see that I'm willing to change my approach and convince him that I'm still 110% invested in our relationship.

I follow him into the shower and watch him strip, he makes no effort to kick me out, but also doesn't initiate what usually would be hours of hot, steamy shower sex. When he enter the shower, the water streams down him in rivets, each drop falling along a path marked out by mussel. "Jacob."

I can see that my presence shatters what meager calm he had been able to gather. He pulls back from the spray and glares at me standing on the other side of the glass stall. He's so beautiful, his blue eyes dark and dangerous and his greedy mouth like an irresistible spell in that finely carved face. His mouths curls into a sardonic line. "Didn't you hear what I said about shower and having things to do? Unlike you, I actually need to work."

I hugs myself. I know the gesture makes me look vulnerable and inferior but I don't care, "Don't use that to shut me out," I say.

He curls his hands into fists and keep them hanging by his sides. "Like you don't shut me out when things get tough for you. Instead of letting me in and being there for you, you never tell me anything."

"You're being unfair."

I bark out a laugh. "Unfair. That's rich, coming from you."

"When was I supposed to tell you? When you were twisting in agony over a nightmare, repeatedly, which you refuse to talk to ME about? How about when YOU were keeping the fact you were in business with your Ex a secret from me? Or when instead f talking to me, you interfered and got yourself involved in my work instead of talking to me. Please, don't gove me the guiltrip bulshit. Because while I might be closed-off, you're just a hypocrite.

He cuts the water and come out, grabbing a towel. "How about the time when we talked freely about our day or what's happening in our lives. I've been many things with you, but never a hypocrite."

"As far as I'm concerned, my financial concerns are mine and mine alone. Why do you think I wanted to get a job?"

"I can provide for you! Let me provide for you, it has nothing to do with controlling you, and everything to do with loving you!"

"I'm embarrassed, okay?" I bite my lower lip. "We come from two different worlds. While I may not have come from something, I'm grateful my upbring showed me how to be driven, how to strive and want something. From what I've seen my mom go through her entire life, I don't want to ever have to depend on a man for my webeing, my happiness. With you, that's all changed. Everything in my past, my mother failed relationships, Becky's inability to commit, my own lack of relationship experience: is all telling me to run for cover. But my heart beats in desire for you, my heart aches for you."

He toss' the damp towel on the floor and glares at me. "So it's not my fault that you couldn't trust me, but you're taking it out on me."

"You're twisting what I'm telling you." Unshed tears spike my eyelashes, and I look at him as though we will never fully understand each other. "If I hadn't such a rocky beginning in life..."

He closes the distance between us in three big steps and grip my wrist. I can feel my pulse spike against his thumb. "Then what, Emma? You would've been able to love me fully? Give yourself to me?"

I tilt my head to look up at him. The motion pushes my tits forward-it's a calculated move and my breathing shallows. With fear or something else...losing him forever to my own stubbornness. The edges of my vision dim and redden. "Jacob..."

"Do you know how hard it was to knock down the steel walls of my heart for you?," I spit out between clenched teeth. "Clearly you don't or else you would understand just how committed I am and how nothing can change the fact that we're endgame. I want to be contemptuous, make you feel as much self-disgust as I do. But I can't because I fucking love you." I lean into him, holding him like a lifeline, his cock's so hard against my belly. I twist my hand into her his and pull until he lets out a hearty growl. My pointed nipples stab into his bare chest, and he growl deep in my throat.

Before I can regain my equilibrium, he crushes his lips against mine in a punishing kiss. There's no gentleness or finesse as he plunges into my mouth with every violent emotion that whips through him. He exerts more pressure, his teeth almost cutting the tender flesh of my lips. He braces himself for my reaction— he probably expects me to recoil of shock and distaste, an attempt to slap him away, or even a struggle...but none of that comes.

Instead I kiss him back with wild abandon, like a woman on a mission to prove I not only want him but need him. His tongue tangles with mine with an aggression that stuns me, then strokes my need. I tunnel my fingers into his hair to keep him close, need pulses in my veins, and throbs through me.

Desperate to maintain some semblance of control, he cups my breast, kneading it, toying with it. His thumb brushes over my nipple more lightly than a feather, but I shudder involuntarily and violently. "More," I moans, breaking away from our kiss long enough for that one word. And I give it to her, circling the tip with my thumb, my touch light and teasing. Her fingers in my hair tighten until my scalp feels the sting. I pick her up and prop her on the vanity; her thighs part wide to let me stand between them. She rocks shamelessly, her cunt wet.

I can't fake this. I couldn't even if I tried, to will my body to be this ready for him. I dig my teeth into his swollen lower lip. I'm so attuned to him, I know exactly what he loves.

"Beg for it," he says. "Since you love yelling me what YOU want and need from me. Tell me what you want."

"You." I shudder. "

I drop my eyes to his cock, my lips parting softly. I look down and see clear beads of liquid dripping down his thick shaft. He steps forward and takes my mouth in a kiss. This time it's lush, the intent to arouse and pleasure. I cling to him desperately, and he rewards me by tweaking a nipple between his fingers. I gasp against his lips, and I feel him growing even harder against my belly.

He pulls away to take her other breast into my mouth, sucking it deep inside, his tongue running over the hard nub. My back arches, and my sharp cry echoes around the bathroom walls. He runs a hand along my inner thigh, and she spreads my legs wider. I can feel myself, hot, wet and ready.

"So fucking hot," he groans.

"Don't stop," I beg.

He teases my opening, feeling the muscles clench with emptiness. This intimate, I can sense everything—his sweet scent, the hard, flexing of his mussels with every move, and the rapid, deep breaths he takes to control himself.

He switches to the other breast and plunge two fingers into me. I cry out, "Jacob!" My inner muscles clenching around his fingers like my life depends on it. He gives me time to adjust while he suckles my breast. It isn't long before I'm rocking against him, needing him to move.

He leisurely work his fingers in and out, making sure to stimulate the front wall of my vagina, as his thumb circles around, and then over, my swollen clit. I can hear my breath grows more jagged and rougher, the sounds coming from me are primal and raw. I tighten my grip in his hair as though that will anchor me. He drives into me ruthlessly and relentlessly until my body bows and jerks helplessly in climax.

He lowers himself and thrusts his tongue onto my clit before I've come down from the high. I shakes violently as he pushes, his arms supporting me up. My leg muscles tighten, my toes curling, my heels dig into his back. He licks me, sucks me in his mouth and thrusts into me until my muscles spasm in another orgasm. I shove a fist against my mouth, and he grips my thighs hard. "Don't you dare muffle your reaction to this," he growls against my quivering flesh. "You're going to come again and scream until your throat is raw."

"Jacob, I ca—" He don't let me finish. He pushes me to another climax, then another and another and I scream through them all until my voice breaks, and I collapses, clinging to his shoulders. After a short moment, I pull him up and kisses his mouth, my tongue gently licking at his lips.

I wrap my hands around his straining erection. My vision turns hazy for a moment as pleasure courses through me.

I drops to my knees before him and take him deep inside my mouth. His eyes roll up in response.

When I cup his balls and pull him hard and deep into my mouth, he grunts with brutal force, then he shatters with a hoarse groan, and I drink him in. He cups my face, bringing me up to in line with him. Only to get me up onto his hips and wrapping my legs around him. He says, " You know, no matter what and how hard I try not to, I crave you with an intensity that borders on madness."

I nuzzle my face into his neck and say, "I do want to meet you halfway." I sigh. "You can pay for half my tuition-I would really appreciate it if you would pay for half of it." He captures my lips with his, and plunges his tongue into my mouth.

"I would really like that too."