Chapter 3: Headhunters: Starring The Mystery Twins
(Emily's P.O.V)
After that incident with Bill I trudged to the Mystery Shack not caring that it was 5:00am. I was not going back to sleep after that, no way no how. And yes, I liked Bill as a character, so did Georgia, we made a few fan theories about him, (like nearly every fan of Gravity Falls does), and had debates about that. Good times.
The problem about him was, HE'S FREAKING CRAZY! As funny as he can be, Bill can be unpredictable and I was worried he would figure out that...I'm different. And I did not want to ruin anything. Cause I could get hurt here, and that's not on my bucket list. Then again neither was getting transported to a t.v show. Oh well.
I sat at the kitchen table and opened a can of Pitt-Cola and took a sip. Stay awake, stay awake. Just stay awake! I groaned and rubbed my eyes before laying my head on the table. Not sleeping...just resting. I then heard a creaking sound and lifted my head. I got up and snuck towards the gift shop. I them pumped into Stan, who screamed causing me to stumble back.
"Wha-Emily? Uh, what are you doing here so early?" Stan asked nervously. It took me a moment to realize that he just got back from fixing the portal. Must have fallen asleep. I decided to play dumb.
"Oh I um...woke up from a bad dream and couldn't go back to sleep so I came here. I'm sorry did I wake you?" I asked and Stan let out a sigh of relief before clearing his throat.
"No I was just using the bathroom...yeah...I take a lantern to the bathroom..." He mumbled the last part and I stared at the lantern in his hand.
"Okay then...you hungry? I can make us some eggs, cause I doubt I can go back to sleep after that." I said laughing to ease the tension, Stan chuckled as well.
"I could eat." We then walked back to the kitchen and I'll deny this to anyone else, but I saw Stan look back at the vending machine.
Later I was watching t.v. with the twins. We were now watching Duck-tective. I sat in the chair while Mabel knitted a sweater. She reached for the popcorn but Dipper slapped her hand away. I glared and took the bowl away.
"Hey, Emily!" Dipper whined. I popped the snack in my mouth and glanced back at him.
"Of you can't share it you don't deserve it." I said simply as I gave Mabel the bowl. Dipper pouted but ate the popcorn anyway.
"I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir. My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident." The Constable said and I tried really hard to not burst out laughing.
Duck-tective came on screen and started quaking as subtitles showed on screen. "An accident, constable? Or is it...Murder?!"
"What?!" Constable exclaimed in shock. The Duck-tective logo then appeared on screen.
"Duck-tective will return after these messages." The TV announcer said and Mabel dropped her sweater, gasping excitedly.
"That duck is a genius!" She said.
"Eh, it's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground." Dipper shrugged.
"Are you saying you could outwit Duck-tective?" Mabel asked placing her hands on her hips and squinted doubtfully at her twin.
"Well for one thing we can actually understand what he's saying, that's a step up." I said and they laughed before Dipper cleared his throat.
"Ladies, I have very keen powers of observation. For example, just by smelling Mabel's breath, I can tell that she has been eating...an entire tube of toothpaste?!" Dipper asked confused.
"It was so sparkly..." Mabel moaned. Dipper then turned to me. "And by sniffing Emily's breath, I know that she has had a single can of Pitt-Cola, scrambled eggs and, of course, my popcorn." He said glaring playfully at the last part.
"Well other than the obvious popcorn thing, that's all right. Not bad." I said ruffling his hair. Just then Soos ran in carrying a broom.
"Hey, dudes, you'll never guess what I found!" He exclaimed happily
"Buried treasure!" Dipper cried.
"Buried-" Mabel stopped and laughed as she shaved Dipper playfully. "Hey, I was gonna say that!" She said.
"Um, a statue of a pony running on a rainbow." I said with the most serious face I could. The three stared at me and I laughed.
"I'm totally kidding." I said and they joined in.
"So what did you find Soos?" Dipper asked and Soos gestured for us to follow him.
"So, I was cleaning up, when I found this secret door, hidden behind the wallpaper. It's crazy bonkers creepy!" Soos said as he lead us to the door. He then opened it and we all peaked in. Seeing the several wax sculptures around the room.
"Whoa, it's a secret wax museum!" Dipper said shining a flashlight around. Mabel fingered Wax Sherlock Holmes.
"They're so life-like." She observed. Dipper then shined the flashlight on a very really Stan. "Except for that one."
"Hello!" Stan smiled, casing everyone but me to scream. He chuckled.
"It's just me, your Grunkle Stan!" He said happily and Soos, Dipper and Mabel ran out screaming in fright. And Theme Song!
"Why didn't you run?" Stan asked. I shrugged. "I'm not even sure why they ran." I explained and I rushed out to go get them all back into the room. Once everyone had calmed down Stan showed us his once prized possession
"Behold the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of our most popular attractions... before I forgot all about it. I got 'em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, some kind of, I don't know, goblin man?" Stan said gesturing to the certain figures.
"That would be Larry King." I said and everyone turned to me. "What? I know stuff." I said smugly.
"Is anyone else getting the creeps here?" Dipper shuddered. I rubbed my arms uncomfortably. "Now that you mentioned it, feels weird tags they don't blink." I said.
"And now for my personal favorite: Wax Abraham Lincoln, right over-" Stan stopped whine he saw a pile of wax under a window where sunlight was coming through it. "Oh! Oh no! Come on, who left the blinds open? Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking in your direction!" He put his finger in the wax and sighs.
"How do you fix a wax figure?" He muttered.
"Cheer up, Grunkle Stan. Where's that smile?" Mabel asked giving her Grunkle a smile.
"Egh." Stan groaned.
"Beep, bop, boop!" Mabel then poked Stan in the face, finishing with the eyes.
"Ow." He said blinking. I flinched, mentally noting to keep Mabel's fingers away from my face.
"Don't worry, Grunkle Stan. I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax!" Mabel said cheerfully.
"You really think you can make one of these puppies?" Stan asked.
"Grunkle Stan, I'm an arts and crafts master. Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm?" Mabel said and held out her arm that, sure enough had an actual glue gun stuck to it. "Eugh, eugh!" She said trying to shake it off.
"Is that comfortable?" I asked.
"No it is not!" Mabel said as her usual cheerful self.
"I like your gumption, kid!" Stan said, sounding impressed.
"I don't know what that word means, but thank you!" Mabel said happily.
"It's a noun, it's means shrewd or spirited initiative and resourcefulness." I said calmly. Everyone stared at me and I shrugged.
"A friend of mine told me." I explained, which was true, Georgia looked it up after we saw the episode, because it kept bothering her that she didn't know what it meant. So it was our inside joke.
Later I was walking with Dipper, who was drinking a soda and I counted down in my head when Mabel would pop up in front of us...
"Dipper! Emily!" Mabel cried, holding up a notepad. Aw dang, two seconds off. Dipper choked on his soda as Mabel showed us her drawing.
What do you think of my wax figure idea? She's part fairy princess, and part horse fairy princess!" Mabel explained and I looked at her drawing.
"Uh that looks like it would take a lot of wax..." I said trying not to hurt her feelings.
"M..maybe you should carve something from real life." Dipper suggested.
"Like a waffle, with big arms!" Mabel said showing us another sketch.
"Where do you come up with this stuff?" I asked.
"The world will never know." She said smugly.
"Y-okay... Or, you know, something else. Like- like someone in your family." Dipper suggested. Stan then came in wearing no pants.
"Kids, have you seen my pants?" He asked then posed on the brief case. I could almost hear the music as Mabel's eyes widened and she turned around.
"Oh, muse. You work in mysterious ways." She sighed.
"Why's your sister talking to the ceiling?" Stan asked I burst out laughing, that was my favorite line in the episode. I couldn't help it. And now...montage time!
Mabel worked on the statue right away. It felt weird that her building it didn't take 30 seconds for her to build it. More like a couple hours or so. Once she was done we all stared at her handy work. It was more impressive in real life then from a screen.
"I think... it needs more glitter." Mabel said thoughtfully.
"Agreed." Soos said and handed a bucket of glitter to Mabel and she tossed the whole bucket on Wax Stan. Stan then walked in wearing no shoes.
"I found my pants but now I'm missing my-" Stan then noticed his doppelgänger and fell backwards in shock. "Ahhh!"
"What do you think?" Mabel asked eagerly.
"I think... the Wax Museum's back in business!" Stan cried happily.
"Great! I'll get ticket booth!" I said and walked out. I noticed the wax figures standing perfectly still. I glared and gave the 'I'm watching you' motion and continued on. The wax figures always confused me, their 'revenge story' just made no sense to me. I shrugged it off and walked on.
Once the grand opening begun Soos lead people in while Wendy and Dipper worked the ticket stand. I turned to Mabel and saw her pacing.
"Nervous?" I asked and she fiddled with her sweater sleeve.
"A little, but I'm mostly excited! I work really hard on this and I know people will love it!" Mabel cried happily. Stan then cleared his throat by the microphone.
"You all know me, folks! Town darling, "Mr. Mystery." Please, ladies, control yourselves!" Stan began and I glanced at three women on the audience with flies around them.
"As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements, the likes of which the world, has never known. But enough about me. Behold... me!" Stan exclaimed as he uncovered Wax Stan.
Soos then made a fanfare sound on his keyboard before going with the 'Ye-ah! Ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-ah!'. To people clapped tiredly whole another person coughed.
"And now a word from our own Mabelangelo!" Stan said and handed the mic to Mabel.
"It's Mabel." She said as she took the mic. "Thank you for coming! I made this sculpture with my own two hands! It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!" Mabel explained.
"Ugh! Ewwww!" A few audience members said in disgust. I rolled my eyes, their the ones that came here!
"Yeah. I will now take questions! You there!" Mabel pointed to the one and only McGucket! He stood up.
"Old Man McGucket, local kook. Are the wax figures alive? And follow-up question, can I survive the wax-man uprising?" The old man asked in a serious voice. I could,don't help but notice Blendin in the background and gave him an innocent wave, he seemed to gasp in surprise and ran off.
"Um...Yes! Next question!" Mabel said and she pointed to Toby Determined.
"Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper. Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?" The short man asked.
"Your microphone's a turkey baster, Toby." Stan replied.
"It certainly is-"
"Next question." Stan cut Toby off and pointed to Shandra Jimenez. She stood up with her real microphone and camera.
"Shandra Jimenez, a real reporter. Your flyers promised free pizza with admission to this event." Shandra pulled out a poster to show as an example. "Is this true?" She asked and several audience members began to riot.
"That's what I heard!..."
"Come on!..."
"What a rip-off!..."
"Pizza?...
"I want my pizza!.."
"That was a typo. Good night, everyone!" Stan exclaimed and threw down a smoke bomb to escape, but not before grabbing the admission fee box with him. The audience started leaving in anger. With Pizza Guy leaving sadly and Manly Dan punching a pole, breaking it, and yelling 'In your face!'. I scooted awkwardly to the admission table with the others.
"I think that went well." Mabel said proudly.
"Yeah...just be glad they didn't burn down the Shack." I joked.
Later that night Stan was counting the money with a pleased look.
"Hot pumpkin pie! Look at all this cash! And I owe it all to one person, this guy!" Stan then pointed to his double. Who by now was definitely Ford in his mind. Mabel punched her Grunckle playfully.
"Ooh!" Stan smirked and started nothing her. "Yeah, you too, ya little gremlin. Now you kids wash up. We got another long day of fleecing rubes tomorrow. Go, go!" She ran off and Stan sighed to his double. "Kids."
"Ahem...right here." I said playfully. "I'm gonna turn in for the night, see you in the morning." I said and Stan sat on the chair with his double.
"Yeah okay...see ya." He said half heartedly, putting one arm around Wax Stan. I rolled my eyes playfully, I wonder how Ford'd react to this eh, maybe I'll find out later.
Later I was in my treehouse reading a book about lumberjacks that Wendy lent to me. Suddenly I heard police sirens and looked out the window.
"Looks like Wax Stan has been beheaded." I muttered and climbed down before making my way towards the Shack. I noticed Gompers in the yard staring at the police car lights, I gave him a quick pat before walking inside.
"I get up to use the john, right? And when I come back, blammo! He's headless!" Stan explained as I walked in.
"My expert handcrafting... besmirched. Besmiiiirrrched!" Mabel cried and she rubbed her hand on the figure.
"Who would do something like this?" Dipper asked as he comforted Mabel.
"Someone who has no life what's so ever. I'm sorry about this Mabel, you worked so hard." I said looking at the be-headed figure.
"It's okay, I know you didn't want this to happen." Mabel said.
"What's your opinion, Sheriff Blubs?" Deputy Durland asked. The sheriff thought for a moment.
"Look, we'd love to help you folks, but let's face the facts... this case is unsolvable." He said.
"What?!" The rest of us exclaimed.
"You take that back, Sheriff Blubs!" Stan exclaimed.
"You don't think it's important to figure out who broke into their house and destroyed some one their property?! Someone could have gotten seriously hurt!" I exclaimed.
"She's right. There must be evidence, motives. You know, I could help if you want." Dipper offered.
"He's really good. He figured out who was eating our tin cans!" Mabel said.
"All signs pointed to the goat." Dipper said in a serious tone.
"Yeah, yeah! Let the boy help. He's got a little brain up in his head." Stan said, giving what I'm pretty sure was a compliment.
"Oooh! Would you look at what we got here! City boy thinks he's gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!" Blubs mocked.
"City boooy! City booooooy!" Durland echoed. I gave him a glare. These guys were funny sometimes, but jeez they were being real jerks.
"You are adorable!" Blubs said.
"Adorable?" Dipper asked, feeling insulted as the two police man laughed. Okay, that's it!
"Hey! At least Dipper isn't brushing off this case like its nothing before trying! Or making fun of others like that! So what's next your gonna make fun of me for living in a treehouse?!" I yelled pointing a finger at the two. Leaving them speechless.
"Look little lady, how about you leave the investigating to the grown-ups, okay?" Blubs asked and my eye twitched.
"Little...?" I grumbled clenching my fists tightly as the walkie talkie turned on.
"Attention, all units. Steve is about to fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth. Repeat, an entire cantaloupe!" A man exclaimed and the officers looked at each other with excitement.
"It's a 23-16!" Durand cried happily. "Let's move!" Blubs soda and they ran off. I couldn't help but face-palm. I know they would normally be cartoon characters, but living this whole thing out is weird and can be annoying.
"That's it! Mabel, you and me are going to find the jerk who did this, and get back that head. Then we'll see who's adorable." Dipper said before giving out the tiny sneeze.
"Aww, you sneeze like a kitten!" Mabel gushed and earned a glare from Dipper.
"She's not wrong, but yeah I can't trust those guys to take this case seriously." I said gapping a thumb to where the so called sheriffs disappeared.
"Oh hey, thanks for sticking up for us." Dipper said and I shrugged. "No problem." I said.
"Yeah, you're like a big sister!" Mabel cheered and I smiled before ruffling her hair.
"Thanks that's really sweet. Now you two get to bed so you can solve this in the morning." I said and they rushed off. I turned to go but then noticed Stan staring sadly at the wax figure.
"Uh Stan...you okay?" I asked and he snapped out of his trance.
"What...,oh yeah...I'm fine..." Stan said in an unconvincing voice. I walked over to him and took his hand.
"Come on, let's get some hot coco." I suggest as I led him into the kitchen, he didn't object.
Next morning Dipper and Mabel were up bright and early and ate their breakfast twice as fast so they could get on the case as soon as possible. I joined up with them and helped them set up the toilet paper/police tape.
"Wax Stan has lost his head and its up to us to find it." Dipper said as Mabel took pictures of the scene.
"There were a lot of unhappy customers at the unveiling. The murderer could have been anyone." Dipper said looking at a bulletin board that had pictures of several suspects.
"Yeah, even us!" Mabel said.
"Not likely, you wouldn't want to destroy your own work, and Dipper is not cruel to do that." I said.
"Oh yeah...and you were at your tree house, I saw you leave before it took place." Mabel said thoughtfully.
"You guys are right. In this town , anything is possible. Ghosts, zombies, it could be months before we find our first clue." Dipper said thoughtfully.
"Hey look, a clue!" Mabel s and we turned and saw what she was looking at. "Make that a few minutes." I said.
"Footprints in the shag carpet!" Dipper exclaimed.
"That's weird. They've got a hole in them." Mabel observed.
"And they're leading to..." Dipper followed the tracks and we all saw the ax behind the couch and gasped before looking at each other.
"Guess we found the murder weapon, wonder how we missed that." I muttered. We then went to the gift shop and showed Soos our discovery.
"So, what do you think?" Dipper asked as Soos examined it. "In my opinion: this is an ax." He said.
"Yeah we figured, but do you know if it's ours or does it belong to someone else?" I asked.
"Wait a minute. The lumberjack!" Mabel exclaimed.
"Of course!" The twins said in unison and I'm guessing having a flashback of Manly Dan punching the pole.
"He was furious when he didn't get that free pizza." Dipper remembered
"Furious enough, for murder!" Mabel cried dramatically.
"Oh, you mean Manly Dan. Yeah, he hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown." Soos explained.
"Then that's where we're going." Mabel said.
"Dude, this is awesome. You two are like: The Mystery Twins!" Soos said.
"Don't call us that." Dipper said. "I think it's kinda neat. You might learn to except it." I said. Dipper shrugged it of and we later walked outside to see Stan pulling a coffin out if his car.
"Hey, give me a hand with this coffin, will ya? I'm doin' a memorial service for wax Stan. Something small, but classy." Stan said as he pulled the coffin completely out of the car.
"Sorry, Grunkle Stan, but we have got a big break in the case!" Dipper explained.
"Break in the case!" Mabel echoed excitedly.
"We're heading to the town right now to interrogate the murderer." Dipper continued.
"Suspect Dipper, he's a suspect." I corrected. Mabel the pulled out the ax and showed it to Stan.
"We have an axe! REE, REE, REE!" She screeched.
"Hm, it seem like the kind of thing that responsible parents wouldn't want you to do... Good thing I'm an uncle. Avenge me kids! AVENGE MEEE!" Stan cried and I turned to the twins.
"You two go, be careful, don't hold the ax above your head, and don't hit anyone. Stan has enough restraining orders. I'm going to stay and help him." I said. Geez I'm starting to sound like a mom...yeah it's actually not that bad.
"Okay, see ya!" Mabel called as the twins walked off. I smiled at them and helped Stan carry the coffin in the Shack.
"So...where are we taking this?" I asked.
"Just in the parlor." Stan said. We set it down and I cracked my spine.
"Geez that thing is heavier than it looks." I muttered and saw that Stan was now setting the whole room up for the ceremony. Man, knowing how he had a twin brother and watching this is really well...it was funny the first time, now it's just...sad.
"Hey, Stan...need me to do anything?" I asked.
"Yeah, is you could fold up those chairs and place them down, that would be great." Stan said and I did as I was told. Though I'm pretty sure Stan was trying to hide his tears. His secret is safe with me.
Later I was on the couch flipping through several channels. Not really looking for anything in particular. Gravity Falls has some weird channels. Suddenly I heard a loud 'BANG' and turned to see Mabel run in, nearly out of breath.
"Emily...Dipper...found...murderer...police...come..." She managed to stammer out and I stood up.
"Whoa Mabel, slow down. What's going on?" I asked and Mabel sighed tiredly before perking up.
"Dipper and I figured out who the murderer was and he's getting the police to bust him! Come on, we have to hurry!" Mabel exclaimed and tugged on my arm and we rushed out the door. We later showed up outside Toby Determined's house.
"You kids better be right about this or you'll never get the end of it." Blubs warned us.
"The evidence is irrefutable." Dipper said confidently. "It's so irrefutable." Mabel echoed.
"I'm gonna get to use my match stick!" Durland exclaimed waving his weapon in the air.
"You ready? You ready little fella?" Blubs asked excitedly.
"Woo, woo!" The cops exclaimed as they poked each other with their batons. I resisted the urge to face-palm.
"On 3! 1...2..." Dipper was cut off by Durland smashing the door open.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" He cried and we entered the house.
"Nobody move! This is a raid!" Blubs exclaimed. Toby then fell out of his chair and he looked up.
"What is this? Some kind of raid?" He asked and I rubbed my eyelids.
"Yes, they just said that." I muttered as Durland smashed a lamp. The twins then approached the fallen man.
"Toby Determined, you're under arrest for murder of the wax body of Grunkle Stan." Dipper said smugly.
"You have the right to remain impressed with our awesome detective work." Mabel said and gave Dipper a high five.
"Gobbling goose feathers! I don't understand!" Toby said in a confused voice.
"Then allow me to explain." Dipper started and even though I couldn't see the flashbacks it was interesting to hear.
"You were hoping that Grunkle Stan's new attraction would be the story that saved your failing newspaper. But when the show was a flop, you decided to go out and make your own headline." Dipper explained and Mabel held a news paper with a picture of Wax Stan's head as Dipper continued.
"But you were sloppy, and all the clues pointed to a shabby shoed reporter who was caught left handed." Dipper concluded. Mabel then crumpled up the paper and tossed it behind her.
"Toby Determined, you're yesterday's news." She said.
"Boy, you're little knees must be sore... from jumping to conclusions." Toby said and did his infamous dance. "Hachacha! I had nothing to do with that murder." He said.
"I knew it! Wait, what did you say? Nothing? You say nothing?" Dipper asked, becoming confused.
"Huh? What? Could you repeat?" Mabel asked at the same time.
"Then where were you at the night of the break-in?" Blubs asked.
"Yeah, you need an alibi." I said folding my arms. Toby gave a nervous looks before playing a tape into the t.v. I cringed, knowing what was coming.
"Finally, we can be alone, cardboard cutout of TV news reporter Shandra Jimenez!" Toby on the tv said and started kissing it.
"Eeeeewwwww! Yuck!" Everyone gagged. I shuddered and tried not too look too long.
"Timestamp confirms. Toby, you're off the hook. You freak of nature." Blubs said.
"Hooray!" Toby cheered happily.
"But, but it has to be him! Check the ax for fingerprints!" Dipper urged. The police made a blacklight appear out of nowhere and checked the ax.
"No prints at all." Blubs reported.
"No prints?" Dipper asked dumbfounded.
"Hey I got a headline for you: City Kids Waste Everyone's Time." Durland said and they three laughed as Dipper and Mabel looked down embarrassed.
"Boy, I'd be pretty embarrassed if I was you two." Toby said, as if he was oblivious to the tv playing behind him.
"Look behind you." I growled and the gossiper turned around and blushed. "I have another headline: Two Cops and a Gossiper Make Fun of 12 Year Olds!" I spat.
"These two came up with great evidence and actually gave this case a thought. They came closer to solving it in a day than you could in a year! Yes they were wrong, but at least they took it seriously." I finished. The three adults stared at me in shock and I walked to the door.
"Come on guys let's go." I said and the mystery twins followed me out, giving the others a smug look and we headed back to the Shack.
"Thanks Emily...so you're not judging us?" Dipper asked.
"No, I thought you were right when you explained the evidence. There may be something we just haven't figured out." I said thoughtfully.
Later we were at Wax Stan's funeral. It kinda felt creepy being in the same room as the figures, but I tried not to show my fear. Meanwhile Stan was about to give his speech.
"Kids, Soos, Emily lifeless wax figures, thank you all for coming." Stan begun as he gestured to us and the wax figures. Soon then blew his nose as he cried. I gave him a pat on the shoulder.
"Some people might say it's wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself." Stan continued. Soon jumped up and pointed towards the stage.
"They're wrong!" He cried.
"Easy Soos. Wax Stan, I hope you're picking pockets in wax heaven." He then wiped his eye and started running off. "I'm sorry, I got glitter in my eye!" Stan cried as he ran out of the room.
"Ohhhhh duuuude..." Soos ran after him leaving just us and the creepy wax people.
"Those cops are right about me." Dipper sighed.
"No they weren't, they can't tell a cat burglar from an actual cat." I said.
"Dipper, we've come so far, we can't give up now." Mabel said. Dipper got up and walked towards Wax Stan's coffin.
"But I considered everything: the weapon, the motive, the clues." Dipper sighed as he looked inside the coffin. "Wax Stan shoe has a hole in his shoe..." He observed.
"All the wax guys have that. It's where the pole thingy attaches to their stand dealy." Mabel replied.
"Yeah otherwise they'd fall over when on display." I added. Dipper thought for a moment.
"Wait a minute, what has a hole on its shoe and no fingerprints? Guys! The murderers are-" Dipper was then cut off by Wax Holmes standing up.
"Standing right behind you." We turned to see Holmes standing up and the other figures coming to life. Dipper gasped in horror.
"Wax Sherlock Holmes! Wax Shakespeare! Wax Coolio?" Dipper exclaimed as he looked at the different figures.
"Wha s'up Holmes?" Wax Coolio said. Wax Lizzie Borden then took her ax away from Mabel.
"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" Mabel gasped as she backed up in terror.
"Congratulations, my two amuetur slueths, you have unburied the truth, and now we're going to bury you." Wax Holmes said pointing the magnify glass at us.
"Bravo, Dipper Pines. You've discovered our little secret." Holmes said as he took out Wax Stan's head out from his cape. "Applaud, everyone, applaud sarcastically." Wax Holmes ordered and the Wax figured begun to clap as if they'd seen a performance.
"Uh, no that sounds too sincere. Slow clap." Holmes said and they figures started to clap more slowly. "There we go, nice and condescending." Wax Holmes said, pleased.
"But... how is this possible? You're made of wax!" Dipper exclaimed.
"Wax is made by bees not wizards." I said.
"Are you...magic?" Mabel asked excitedly. Sherlock Holmes laughed.
"Are we magic? She wants to know if we're magic!" Wax Holmes stops laughing then punched the side of the coffin. "We're CURSED!" He spat.
"Cursed! Cursed!" Several of the figures echoed in anger.
"Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing. Your uncle bought us many years ago at a garage sale." Wax Holmes started explaining.
"A haunted garage sale son!" Wax Coolie cried.
"Stan stole us from said garage sale. And so, the Mystery Shack Wax Collection was born. By day, we would be the playthings of man." Wax Holmes monologued.
"But when your uncle went to sleep, we would rule da night." Coolio continued.
"It was a charmed life for us cursed beings...That is, until your uncle closed up shop. We've been waiting ten years to get our revenge on Stan for locking us away...But we got the wrong guy." Wax Holmes finished.
"So you were trying to murder Grunkle Stan for real?!" Dipper exclaimed.
"Wait, wait, wait. Hold up, so you've been trapped for ten years and not one of you thought to try and unlock the door and get back inside before sunrise? Not one of you!?" I asked in confusion. The figures stared at me and I gave a look back.
"I'm waiting for a reasonable answer." I said in a sing-song voice. That seemed to anger them even more.
"Enough! Now that you know our secret, you must... die." As he finished the threat the wax figures eyes rolled in the back of their heads, giving them each a creepy look, and started to approach us.
"What do we do, what do we do?" A scared Mabel asked. I was in front of them and reached my arms out trying to block them from the twins.
"I don't know!" Dipper cried and they started throwing stuff from the table. Dipper then threw a pot full of coffee at them. It hit Wax Genghis Khan and he screamed as the wax started to melt.
"That's it! We can melt them with hotty melty things!" Mabel exclaimed in realization. They smiled, turned around and grabbed the electrics candles and pointed the at the figures, who backed away in fear.
"Anyone move and we'll melt you into candles!" Dipper warned.
"Decorative candles!" Mabel added.
"You really think you can defeat us?" Wax Holmes asked.
"I-I don't really know. I'm not-I'm not really sure." Dipper said.
"It's worth a shot, I guess." Mabel said at the same time as her twin.
"So be it..ATTACK!" Holmes cried and the forgives attacked us. I grabbed a chair to defend myself.
"Time to turn up the heat." I smirked and Dipper gave me a look.
"Really!?" He asked I rolled my eyes. "Just melt them." I said and we attacked.
Lizzie Borden swing her ax at Mabel but decapitated Robin Hood instead. I hit her head with the chair as Mable dealt with Wax Shakespeare's hands.
"Interview this, Larry King!" Dipper cried before cutting his neck with the candle.
"My neck! My beautiful neck!" Larry King cried.
"Sorry, not sorry!" I said as I stabbed his body with the chair legs and threw it in the fire. Dipper, meanwhile, was cutting up Wax Groucho Marx.
"Hey Dip, watch out!" I cried as a partly melted Genghis Khan rah at Dipper. He dodged and went smack into the fire place.
"Ha, Genghis Khan! You fell harder than the... uh... I don't know, uh, Jin Dynasty? Heh. Yeah. Alright." Dipper muttered as he got back up to fight. I saw several figures by Mabel as she swung Wax Coolio's head around.
"Ow ow ow ow! What's up with that?" The head complained.
"Have a seat!" I yelled as I Wax Shakespeare and a few others.
"Dipper watch out!" Mabel cried and Dipper quickly cut Richard Nixon's leg as Wax Holmes approached him.
"Alright. Let's get this taken care of." He said simply as he placed Wax Stan's head in the rhino horn and grabbed a sword. He swung it at Dipper and smacked the candle out of his hand, causing it to break. He held up the sword again, preparing to strike.
"Catch!" Mabel cried and threw a poker, that was heated by the fire, at Dipper. They started the sword fight and left the room.
"Okay, while Dipper deals with that creep, let's take out the trash." I said smirking at Mabel.
"Agreed." She said and we continued attacking the figures. Soon we managed to throw them into the fire as Wax Shakespeare started to resist a poem.
"Though our group be left in twain, man of wax shall rise agayn!" He declared before Mable picked up his head.
"Y'know any limericks?" She asked hopefully.
"Uh... there once was a dude from Kentucky..." He started.
"Nope." Mabel said and threw him the fire. "Haha, bye bye." I joked giving a playful wave. Dipper then made himself known.
"Dipper! You're okay! You solved the mystery after all." Mabel said as Dipper pulled up a chair a took Wax Stan's head off the rhino horn.
"I couldn't have done it without my sidekick. And consultant." Dipper said.
"No offense Dipper, but you're the sidekick." Mabel said I laughed.
"What? Says who? Have people been saying that? Have you heard that?" Dipper asked in a confused manner. Right on cue, Stan walked in.
"Hot Belgian waffles! What happened to my parlor!?" He exclaimed in horror. Yeah it was a crazy mess.
"Your wax figures turned out to be evil, so we fought them to the death!" Mabel said in a way too happy voice.
"I decapitated Larry King." Dipper added. "And I made bad puns." I said, giggling awkwardly. Stan's stern glare then softened.
"Ha ha! You kids and your imaginations!" Stan laughed. Pretending to be oblivious to the whole 'magic thing'.
"On the bright side, though, look what we found." Dipper said as he showed Stan his wax twins head.
"My head! Ha ha! I missed this guy! You done good kids! Alright, line up for some affectionate noogie-ing." Stan said happily. The twins then backed up and I stepped out of the way.
"Oh I'm not so sure about that. Is there any other alternative...?" Dipper asked desperately.
"Oh uh... I'm not so sure..." Mabel added, but they hit noogied anyway. I smiled at the family, strange or not, it's adorable. Soon the moment was cut off by Blubs and Durland driving up by the window.
"Solved the case yet, boy? I'm so confident you're gonna say no, that I'm gonna take a long, slow sip from my cup of coffee." Blubs said before taking a slow sip of his coffee.
"Actually, the answer is yes." Dipper said showing them both the head, and so began the famous coffee spitting gag. It was even funnier in real life! Hahaha.
"It's burns! It's burns!" Blubs cried. "My eyes!" Durland yelled and the both drove away, screaming. We all laughed at that. I wish a recorded it!
"They got scalded!" Stan laughed and a distant crash was heard. They'll be fine.
"So, did you guys get rid of all the wax figures?" Dipper asked.
"I am 99% sure that we did." Mabel said.
"Good enough for me." Dipper shrugged. I smiled grateful that even though Wax Larry King's head was in the vent, it was over.
Later Mabel was looking in a mirror with two different sweaters as Dipper was reading. I was leaning against the wall, fiddling with my necklace.
"Hmm. Hey Dipper, which do you think is better? Sequins or llama hair?" Mabel asked. I looked up and saw Wax Larry King in the vent.
"The llama hair. Llamas are nature's greatest warriors." He said before hopping away.
"Very true." I said.
"Thanks Dipper!" Mabel called before running off. Dipper looked around before turning back to his book. I laughed. Yep, this was one heck of a day...
Though I still don't want to sleep...I know he's watching...
Author's Note:
FINALLY DONE! That took longer than I would have liked, but I had fun! Thank you for those who have commented and favorited, followed! Next chapter will be out soon but
Please be patient. I want to cram an episode in each chapter. We'll see ya soon.
Hourglass Cipher: Yes Emily knows how to handle Bill, but it won't last forever...or will it?...
Shadowwolf005: Here's you update! Glad you liked it!
AngelPines: Sorry for the errors, I'll try to do better. And Emily is in the cartoon. Just now to her it seems natural. Also Soos has a very distinctive voice.