Unexpected: V
Starfire hadn't spoken for hours. This night could very well have been her personal best in terms of time spent without saying a word. She'd been silent as she'd restrained Cyborg so Robin could repair him, she'd been silent for the trip to the museum, and she'd been silent as Robin had reported their failure to the short, balding curator. She hadn't said a word when the curator expressed his deep (and false) concern for their well-being and assured them (sarcastically) that no blame would be placed with them.
The trip home was devoid of Tamaranean commentary as well.
Why wasn't she speaking? The answer was simple; Starfire was miserable. Positively, absolutely miserable. Nothing could change the fact that what had happened earlier that night had been completely her fault. She'd allowed Jinx to get inside her head and distract her; she'd let herself down and, more importantly, she'd let her team down.
How could I have been so foolish? Starfire had known Jinx was a villain, how she'd allowed herself to be fooled by that false smile and those empty words…
"Star?" Starfire ceased her mental berating and saw Cyborg's reflection staring at her in the rear view mirror of the T-Car. "When we get back to the tower I want you to come to the infirmary so I can check you out, make sure everything's ok… maybe give you somethin' that'll help ya sleep if you need it."
Starfire merely replied with an unintelligible noise of affirmation then turned to stare out the window. The buildings began to blur together as the Tamaranean's thoughts again returned to her defeat earlier that night.
She was obviously attracted to the sorceress (for that she could not be blamed) and maybe saving Jinx's life the day before had lead to her believe the two shared some kind of understanding. As tonight had shown, Jinx clearly didn't feel the same; she'd had no qualms about using the titan's trusting nature against her or causing her physical harm. It was almost as if Jinx had come prepared to exploit the Tamaranean's one fatal flaw: her heart.
How naïve I was. She should have been furious, outraged, embarrassed… but she only felt pain.
Because of her an entire collection of priceless gems and artifacts was being slowly circulated through Jump City's black market, the Hive Five would be living the high-life for weeks, and the thing that weighed most heavily on her heart… her teammates had been hurt. Starfire wasn't worried about herself, she'd be sore for a little while, but her pain couldn't compare with Robin's bruised ribs or Beast Boy's new phobia of tentacles.
She'd been "played," as they called it here on earth, and Jinx hadn't been the first. Blackfire had often taken advantage of her in a similar manner when they were younger and when Terra had become Slade's apprentice she'd used the history between Starfire and herself to draw the titan in, then hit her where it hurt. Physically, and emotionally.
Starfire was sick of it. Sometimes she wished she could just let her inner savage out and pay back each attack on her body, heart and mind tenfold… but she couldn't. She wouldn't allow herself to.
When they arrived back at the tower, Starfire followed Cyborg to the infirmary in a haze, unaware of the concerned looks her teammates were giving her. She hopped up onto the examination table and allowed the team's self-appointed medic to poke and prod, check her heart rate, and test her limbs for stiffness or swelling. When all of that was done, he squatted down in front of her and held out a single finger.
"I'm gonna do the concussion test now, and then you're done. Just follow my finger." Green eyes followed the metal appendage as it swiveled back and forth, when all of a sudden a thought struck her.
"Cyborg, you've been close to the Hive… lived among them… what are they like?"
Cyborg cocked his human brow and looked at her for a moment before smiling understandingly. "Look Star, I know that you think what happened tonight was your fault, but it wasn't." He held up his hand to silence her when she moved to protest, and chuckled as he shook his head. "But I know you're not gonna feel the same, so I'll talk. Where to start…"
The metal man moved to the supply cabinet to put away his tools (nothing big or dangerous people, just a stethoscope and a reflex hammer) and think for a moment, surely deciding what to say. Starfire waited patiently.
"Mammoth isn't much more than a walking muscle with a half-baked sense of humor. If there ever was a typical jock in the world of super villains, it'd be him. However the Hive managed to kick our butts tonight, it wasn't his idea. Gizmo is smart, sure, but he's still just twelve. Dude gets his baby-boxers in a bunch way too easily. And once you take care of his tech, he's no threat. I didn't really get too close to the other guys, but I doubt they're smart enough to cook up any kind of master plan. 'Specially the red-neck."
"And… Jinx?" Starfire tried to keep her voice neutral, but she wasn't the best actress. Thankfully, Cyborg didn't seem to notice the anxious undertone to her words. The hulking titan's shoulders slumped as he sighed before beginning his monologue.
"Ah, Jinx. She's different from the guys, anyone can see that. But just how different is another story. At first, I thought she was… y'know, like a woman in a man's world. Tryin' to be tough, putting up a front to seem stronger than she really was, tryin' to get respect. Tryin' to prove herself. But that was just day one. After that, well she kinda proved me wrong at every turn. She didn't really have to prove anything; the other student's were genuinely scared of her, even Gizmo and Mammoth! When she was in the hallway, people got out of her way. And then I saw her fight, real up-close and personal… and I saw why."
Starfire's head tilted to the side as she watched Cyborg's face fall. He seemed sad, having to tell her this, but she couldn't fathom why. She faintly remembered Cyborg telling them the Hive Academy had had a dance, and that Jinx had been his date. Could he have had feelings for the sorceress? The thought made her faintly uncomfortable… despite all that Jinx had done to her Starfire still found herself thinking fondly of the pink-haired sorceress. If she'd been lying in a hospital bed with nerve damage and horrible burns like any normal human would have been after being shocked so severely this probably wouldn't have been the case. However, Tamaraneans were nigh-indestructible… and they were very quick to lay blame with themselves rather than with others.
As odd as it may seem, Starfire blamed herself for falling for Jinx's subterfuge, rather than being furious with Jinx for employing such a strategy. In her eyes her naïveté had been her downfall, not any action taken on Jinx's part, no matter how devious.
"Jinx loves fighting. She loves winning; she loves being in control. It gives her some kinda sick satisfaction… using her powers to come out on top, making other people get down on their knees and beg for mercy. Every time we were combat-tested, whether it was on the obstacle course or against other students, she had this crazy, happy light in her eyes that just screamed 'This is so much fun!' and I have to be honest, it scared me."
"So she's truly evil… I had thought perhaps-"
"I don't know about that. When you guys came to get me and we turned the tables on Brother Blood… remember when the building started to collapse? I was tryin' to get to you guys so we could leave when I saw her. She had this real lonely look in her eyes, and she said 'You coulda been one of us,' like she couldn't believe I didn't want to stay with them. Evil people don't do stuff like that. Her heart might be in the wrong place… but hey. We've seen Raven do some pretty scary stuff when she gets angry, right? And Beast Boy's got that inner beast thing going on; I figure we've all got some skeletons in the closet. People say actions speak louder than words, but sometimes you have to ignore both and go with what you feel."
With that, Cyborg stood before Starfire again and held out a green lollipop. Smiling as he saw the Tamaranean's eyes light up, he handed it to her and was relieved to see the slightest of smile's grace her features. Green Apple was her favorite flavor, after all.
"Do you have feelings for her?"
Starfire stared up at him curiously and with the lollipop clutched in her hand she looked like a little kid; Cyborg couldn't contain his laughter.
"What, for Jinx? No way! There's no way I could handle that girl; I'm 'high maintenance' enough as it is, the last thing I need is a girlfriend with attention issues!"
His laughter only increased at the stupefied look on his teammate's face. He held out a hand and helped her off the table, then shooed her out the door. "Finish that sucker and go take a nap or something. You'll be feelin' that shock sooner or later, and it'd be better to sleep through the soreness. We need everyone to be in tip top shape so we can teach the Hive Five a lesson they won't be forgetting any time soon!"
Raven gripped the sides of the tray and carefully lifted the two steaming mugs of tea off the counter. Ten minutes ago Cyborg had barged into the living room and challenged the other boys to a GameStation tournament, clearly an attempt to get their minds off their defeat. Robin may have been their leader, but Cyborg was definitely the Papa Bear on the team. He always knew what to do when the other titans were down… but considering how often he lost his temper or got distracted maybe the title of "Protective Older Brother" would suit him better.
Anyway, Cyborg's return to the common room signaled the end of Starfire's check-up, so Raven had immediately set to work on preparing a pot of the Tamaranean's favorite tea: jasmine. When Raven had first found out she'd been surprised. She'd expected the bubbly titan to name some kind of bright, fruity, aromatic blend, something that suited her personality. That such a refined, calming tea would be Starfire's favorite was just proof that there was more to her best friend than what the surface might project. Plus, the leaves she preferred were of the highest quality; Raven often found herself guilty of raiding Starfire's private store, though she was always sure to replace what she took.
Because the Tamaranean princess had not yet made an appearance, Raven guessed she'd been confined to her room for the night. She headed towards the sliding doors, blushing slightly under Cyborg's knowing smile. It had become clear to Raven within the past few days that he was aware of her feelings, despite all her attempts to keep them in check. Knowing that he approved though brought a small, guilty smile to her face.
She set off towards Starfire's room, marveling at how far she'd come since joining the titans. When they'd first met she'd been a shy, nervous girl terrified of her own powers, and things hadn't much changed by the time the team had become official. She'd gone from being a wallflower to just being a wall, trying to project an aura of disinterest and detachment.
That, admittedly, hadn't lasted long. The titans had each wormed their way into the telepath's heart through use of one tactic or another: Beast Boy through his childish antics, Cyborg through his superior emotional maturity (questionable though it may be), Robin through his unshakeable confidence, and then Starfire… with her unrelenting smile and quiet determination.
When Raven had first become a titan, she'd never imagined that one day she'd be strolling through the tower with a goofy smile on her face, bringing tea to the one person in the world she felt closest too. She couldn't have imagined feeling this level of closeness and security, either. She knew she could go to Starfire with anything and she'd never be turned away…
Well, almost anything.
But Raven wasn't sure she wanted to cross that bridge just yet. She wasn't ready.
When she balanced the tray on one hand and knocked gently on Starfire's door, she was expecting maybe having to wait a moment for the other girl to wake up. But when a full sixty seconds went by with no answer she frowned. If there was no answer, then Starfire wasn't in. She always answered the door, no matter what she was doing. So she was either taking a shower, which seemed unlikely considering she'd been used as a conductor just a few hours ago, or…
The roof.
Raven looked at the ceiling for a moment before phasing both herself and the tea through several floors of the tower; when she found herself at the stairway that led to the roof she stopped. If Starfire was meditating, it would have been rude to just appear beside her and break her concentration. Such an action probably would have scared her anyway, and Raven had seen Robin fly across the living room far too many times to risk incurring the wrath of Tamaranean reflexes.
She ascended the stairs slowly, keeping the tray balanced as she climbed. She paused at the door, hand extended halfway to the knob.
What do I do if she's meditating? Should I join her? Or will she want to be left alone? I can't just leave a mug of tea on the rooftop… but I can't just stand there and wait for her to finish…
Her hand found the handle before she'd decided on a backup plan, and before she could stop herself she was stepping out onto the rooftop. Turns out she didn't have to worry about breaking Starfire's concentration, for the Tamaranean wasn't even meditating. What she was doing however had Raven even more worried.
The other girl was seated on the very edge of the roof, her back to Raven. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, her arms folded on top of them. Raven frowned; she'd rarely ever seen Starfire act this way. It was hard to imagine the alien was smiling as she looked out over the water, but it was almost impossible to picture an unsmiling Starfire. It was like trying to imagine what Beast Boy would look like if he wasn't green, or trying to guess what color Robin's eyes were!
Raven approached swiftly, intent on getting to the bottom of this. She tested the air surrounding her fellow titan with her empath abilities and Raven immediately sensed confusion, sadness, and disappointment…
"Why do you keep blaming yourself?"
Starfire turned to look at her and Raven was shocked by the intensity in the other's gaze. The emerald light that always seemed to shine from within them seemed to be casting a different kind of glow: instead of the usual happy twinkle, her eyes cast this contemplative shimmer that Raven had never seen before. Clearly Starfire had been deep in thought, and still was even though she'd tried to give Raven her undivided attention.
"Friend Raven, what brings you here?"
One of the mugs lifted off the tray and floated down to her; Starfire blinked once before accepting it.
"You did. The fact that you're not smiling did."
Starfire inhaled deeply before sipping the tea. The approving noise she made was Raven's signal to sit down beside her, legs crossed Indian style. She gripped her own mug in her right hand and set the tray down beside her with her left.
The two sat in silence for a while, sipping their tea and watching the moon travel across the sky. Raven looked at her best friend out of the corner of her eye, taking in every detail of her profile as best she could in the moonlight.
"I blame myself," Raven jumped when Starfire first spoke. The alien sent her an apologetic half-smile before continuing, "Because I allowed myself to be taken advantage of yet again. It seems that no matter how many times it happens, I never learn. I am still so trusting, so willing to believe what people tell me. No… this is not right. I have learned. But it seems though I will never do anything about it… I will still let people 'walk all over me,' as you say here on earth."
Starfire's words brought a frown to Raven's face. What could she possibly be talking about? Starfire didn't let people walk all over her... but that wasn't the right thing to say. If the alien believed it was so, then there was no disagreeing with her. She could be incredibly stubborn in that respect.
"Well… why do you think it keeps happening? And… why can't you do anything about it? If you think there's something you want to change about yourself, what's stopping you?"
Starfire's response was immediate.
"You remember Val-Yor?"
Raven did remember Val-Yor. The mere thought of him made Raven's blood boil… how dare he call Starfire useless! And even after she'd saved his sorry ass… he was lucky Raven hadn't gotten a chance to have her way with him. He'd have been begging at Starfire's feet for forgiveness.
"What does he have to do with this?"
"It's not so much Val-Yor himself as it is what he believed. His is not the only people that think Tamaraneans worthless; our reputation of savagery has spread throughout much of the galaxy. Everywhere we go, we must be careful. One angry word, one violent action, and it does not matter what we do afterwards. We are branded savages and we are banished from the planet, forbidden from ever returning."
"So… wait. Are you saying you act like a pushover, because you're afraid of what might happen if you fight back?"
Starfire smiled sadly, her eyes downcast. "It may sound silly to you, Friend Raven… but yes. Here, my strength and powers are accepted because I use them to protect people. If you'll recall, this was not the case when I first arrived here on earth."
Raven couldn't help but cringe as she remembered the destruction Starfire had wrought when she'd fought her way off of the Gordanian ship and crash landed on earth. She'd nearly destroyed the neighborhood in her desperate attempt to free her hands from those cuffs; her eyes had been alight with green fury the entire time and rage had radiated from her body.
She had been… scary.
"That is what each Tamaranean is at heart… I wear my smile for the sake of my people. It is my duty as a member of the royal family to improve our image wherever we can, and preserve it where it stands well."
"But Blackfire-"
"My sister does not care for anyone but herself. But this is not her fault; I realized this not long after she was banished. She may not seem so to you, but she is truly insecure at heart; she went through much as a child because of her odd coloring… not many Tamaraneans differ physically from the features I myself possess. Because she was bullied as a child she feels she must overcompensate by being stronger, faster, smarter, wealthier and worldlier than any other. She feels she does not owe anything to my people, who cared not for what she felt or how much she hurt."
Uncomfortable silence settled between the two, but it was swept away in moments.
"…Did you really think we'd send you away for protecting yourself?" She ignored the questioning look Starfire gave her; she was angry. No, furious. How could Starfire think that her friends would banish her just because she had a wild side? "We're you're friends Starfire, and in case you hadn't noticed, we all have dark sides! Of all people I should know what it's like to be hated because of what you are! You don't have to worry about scaring us or scaring the people, you're practically an angel regardless of your smile, and regardless of what other aliens think I know that no race could be bad if you embody everything that they are!"
She stared into those emerald green eyes, wide with shock now, and even though she was already gasping for breath she continued. "I know for a fact that we would never send you away or blame you for fighting back, and you shouldn't care about what other people think because they don't know you and they don't know how amazing you are! Val-Yor got a glimpse, but he was too proud to admit what an amazing person you are, too proud to admit that a race other than his own could be just as great. That's what it is, Starfire, jealousy! They're jealous of how free-spirited, powerful, and wonderful your people are! And I, Raven of Azarath, am honored to fight by your side… and I am blessed to have you as a friend. I truly am."
When she was done she had to heave to get air back in her lungs, and she found that sometime during her rant she'd stood up. Starfire stared up at her, and Raven's heart leapt up into her throat when she saw the other girl was crying. Silent tears were cascading down her face, carving out paths of moonlight across her cheeks.
"Oh, Star… I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"
But suddenly she was in the air and all the oxygen she'd managed to gather was squeezed from her lungs. Strong arms were wrapped around her, and the force of the Tamaranean's lunge had forced them at least three feet off the ground. Raven hesitated for only a moment before hugging back as fiercely as she could, letting her dearest, closest friend cry her heart out on her shoulder.
When Starfire began to descend Raven smiled, knowing Starfire had regained control of herself. When their feet touched back down onto the roof she stared up into those beautiful eyes and without even thinking about it her hands came up to cradle the Tamaranean's head, thumbs brushing away the tears that remained.
"Promise me that the next time someone crosses you, you'll let them have it."
Starfire only smiled.
"I promise, Raven."
Why am I still awake? All the jewels had been safely stored and the calls had been made; several deals had been struck with other villains in need of some priceless artifacts and within the week the Hive Five would have cash out the wazoo. Only two items had not been sold, and for good reason: the silver belt that had earned Jinx some very flattering looks from Starfire and the necklace that cast the same emerald sheen as said alien's Starbolt energy.
Jinx groaned as she rolled over. Who was she kidding? She knew damn well what it was that was keeping her awake, or rather… who it was.
When the Five had returned home she'd immediately wanted to run back to the warehouse and make sure Starfire was alright. Saying she regretted what she'd done would be the understatement of the century. The titan's shriek of pain and the sound of the Tamaranean's unconscious body hitting the floor were constantly replaying in the sorceress' head, along with the vicious, protective voice of Raven.
Thinking of Raven made her fists clench involuntarily and Jinx quite literally wanted to growl. How dare that pathetic excuse for a sorceress set her sights on someone like Starfire! The day Raven deserved someone that amazing was the day Jinx would announce her engagement to Gizmo.
Jinx sighed suddenly as the ridiculousness of her thoughts hit her. "Like I'm any better… at least she gets to see her every day. Ugh, and now she's probably comforting her! Playing nurse… oh God this sucks."
Tonight she could have very well ruined any shot she'd had at being with Starfire… admittedly it was still only slightly more than a crush, but the teenage mind is a place of extremes. The more she thought about it, the more miserable she became.
How was she going to deal with the guys? It was clear she couldn't keep hurting Starfire, not if this was how she'd feel after every battle. But they loved this new plan; it made the fighting so much easier and tonight's score was proof that it had worked flawlessly so far. She couldn't tell them she was falling for the titan: one because she wasn't even sure of what she was feeling and two, because they'd laugh right in her face. Then she'd have to deal with Seemore's "I told you so" eye and rebuild their hard-earned respect for her from scratch. And that just wouldn't do.
She rolled back over and eyed the silver belt.
"Maybe I'll just have to start small…"
Again, I'm fairly happy with this one. I think this is the longest chapter so far, but I had a lot to write.
I had to give Starfire some inner strength, and I wanted to explore the differences between Starfire and her sister; what I wrote is in my opinion a very valid reason for their very different attitudes. Plus, I really do think that Starfire holds herself back; she's only ever really kickass when she's fighting a monster. This makes sense I guess for the show, but this is fanfiction. I'm just gonna run with it!
Reviews make a fella very happy.