Chapter Six: Forgotten

Memory is a paradoxical concept. It can be both cloudy and clear, mislabeled and perfect, joyous and grief-stricken. It is, I suppose, like love, dependent solely on the minute details…

The Outsider –

Sokolov, the man was a genius, but also decidedly bothersome in his endless questions. He was able to help, of course, if there was anyone in the whole of this country that could it would be him, but he had barely stopped speaking since Emily had dropped him off that morning. If I was able to teleport away while he worked on his design I would have, but he needed me here for fitting and tests. All in all, thus far each day as a mortal was less desirable than the last.

Normally the older man was fairly quiet – at least in these years of his life he had often adopted a speak as needed mentality. Well, for the most part, my presence seemed to have summon his inner child since he hadn't stopped chattering incessantly. I hadn't encouraged his endless questions, I'd not even answered ninety percent of them. Yet they continued to flow – like a damn that had broken the queries poured from him almost explosively at times.

At first, Sokolov had thought it was some sort of trick, or joke on his person, my being here couldn't be real after all. He'd finally convinced himself that 'the Outsider' was nothing more than a fiction decades ago, at the very least he'd stopped hoping or expecting that I'd ever appear to him. Now that I had, it fractured his view of reality, and I wasn't entirely convinced he would recover from the forced new perspective. Emily would probably be more frustrated if one of the few supporters she could trust was left insane, giving me more reason not to reply to the man's questions unless I had to for the creation of this little project.

"Can you see both worlds at the same time? The void, the one you're from, and the real world where we live?" Sokolov finally reached a set of questions at least somewhat relevant to what he was making. I'd grown tired of the sound of his voice so I chimed in with my own.

"Not exactly how it works, but I am aware of both at all times when I am in my natural state." I replied. It was more like a sharp memory, of all times, everywhere, all at once…something I could recall, or see, when I wished to as well as times when I didn't. These powers weren't always free after all, and the evenings I'd spent recently without the nightmares were starting to make me nervous they would only be worse the longer I went without them.

"Are there any substances that stop that or disrupt whatever it is that lets you see both the void and the real world?" He followed up. I perked a brow at the question, but it wasn't meant in malice or deceit, I could have felt such negatively. He was asking purely from the perspective of a creator.

"No." I answered honestly. I'd never found a physical substance that disrupted my power. Only some of the sounds the abbey had concocted over the centuries could interfere with my abilities and I wasn't going to tell them that. I didn't trust them, I certainly didn't trust Sokolov. If he had the option of putting me in a box for study he would not hesitate to take it.

"Okay, so no interference there then." He nodded, digging through some more of the pile. He had already written down several messy notes. "Good, I think these should work. They might interfere a little with your vision and make it a bit blurry or discolored but they should let you see while covering up your issue."

He handed me half spherical lenses, and I pursed my lip at the makeshift 'disguise'. They looked far from comfortable having been cut from thin glass. A normal mortal that tried to put these on would probably go blind. "They're too large, cut the sides down by an eighth of an inch."

"Hmm? I guess perhaps they would be difficult." He put back on the goggles for cutting, making him look all the more the part of a mad scientist. Then he followed my request without complaint. The lenses had been painted, the whites were a substance that I could still see through but not overly well and the rest was thinner, shaded slightly so my eyes would appear a dark brown instead of the black I currently possessed. I disliked the need for something that would hinder my senses at all, but I understood it for appearances sake. After the day, I was fairly keen on escaping here to try them out, if only to get away from Sokolov as soon as possible.

He handed me the finished product after a few minutes and I separated myself to an area of the vault with a mirror to put them in. Around that time Emily entered, a sign of how much time had passed while I was suffering with Sokolov in this hidden area. She had promised she would be busy until dinner, and now that she'd gotten hear I felt the slight pang of hunger in my center. I didn't need to eat as much as the rest of the mortals, I'd already figured that out, but it had been a while since the one-sided conversation at lunch in this closet and I expect my stomach was no less excited to be free than the rest of me.

"Empress Emily." Sokolov smiled at her the way a grandfather would a granddaughter. His connection to Emily was easy, as so many in her life had been. Those that got to know her the most always came to love her. It was a pity so few had that option with the place she'd been born too. I wonder if she would be happier having never taken the reigns of her country. A pointless question, she would have been, most would…but at the same time her life would not have had the same meaning. "Is it that late already? I believe we've just finished, he's putting them in now."

"Already?" Emily asked with a bit of surprise, glancing from Sokolov to me and offering a light smile. I nodded to her politely, though I lacked the bow that Sokolov had given. I felt as though it had been many days as opposed to one and given I'd helped the man design it, her surprise was slightly insulting.

The paint did offer me some view, albeit the warned foggy one, the lenses fit more smoothly than I had expected but looking up and down, left and right…I couldn't spot the black around my new gaze. I had, for all intents and purposes, dark brown eyes. I looked surprisingly mortal. I wonder what colors my eyes had been, before the sacrifice…I couldn't remember but brown felt natural enough…

"Yes, yes, good we have you here, you can be the first judge." Sokolov's comment drew me out of the self-reflection. I wouldn't be able to wear them all the time, too much time and it would damage even me…but they would function for those times I had to be visible to others. I headed back around the corner and Sokolov grinned at his own handiwork. I was more surprised at the way Emily stared at me. She seemed shocked at the change, walking several steps closer and moving some bangs from my face as if to get a closer look. Her attention this near made it clear her eyes were brown as well, they'd always been…except for in her youngest days, when she was first born they'd been slate-grey. I preferred them as they were now.

"That's amazing…he looks human." Emily breathed, still staring at my face while speaking as if I wasn't just in front of her. I smirked a bit at the idea of it, being paraded like this, but I didn't mind nearly as much given her apt attention. I watched her in return, noting the lines that hadn't been there before the last few months. Her return to power had been difficult for her, and would continue to be…how many more would she have by the time I was returned to the void? Was she going to have as many as Corvo someday?

Her hair was parted differently than how she'd worn it as a child. On the opposite side of her head, I was about to ask if she'd made the change consciously to show herself in a new light but Sokolov did what he was best at: speak.

"So Emily, how is Wyman?" Sokolov asked, and I heard a pointed harshness in his voice that hadn't been there while he asked me questions all day. I glanced up, more curious than concerned as Emily retreated a step, her head turning toward Sokolov much more swiftly, as though she'd forgotten he was there. What was this about? Her lover? Were they not aware what had happened?

"I haven't heard from him, not sense…everything." Emily stated, a bit darkly. I sighed, it was seemingly my fate to be the bearer of bad news.

"He was assassinated…in Morley, Delilah sent the witches that did it." I remarked, my voice slightly lighter than usual. I saw each of them tense at the information. Both suddenly staring at me again. "It was when you were in Aramis Stilton's manor. Poison. Though it was swift, he felt little."

"Oh…good…" Emily remarked distractedly. I couldn't blame her for the surprise, she couldn't have known having not heard any information after all. Delilah hadn't wanted her to have any allies after Emily escaped from the manor, it was surprising Wyman had lasted that long. "…I…would you two mind if I spent some time alone?"

"Of course, not Emily dear, my condolences child." Sokolov said in as sweet a tone as I ever heard him use, reserved for when he wished to be empathetic. He headed out and I didn't disagree, following him and moving toward the food I smelled when we reached her quarters. She'd taken to getting extra plates for us and I had to admit the food here was far better than that in the city.

"What was that for?" Sokolov hissed at me after I sat down, earning him a frown.

"The information? It seemed fair to inform all of you since you hadn't learned of it." I answered, furrowing my brow. Was he planning to stay forever just endlessly asking questions?

"The boy was her lover, you don't think you could have been a bit more tactful?" Sokolov frowned at me. "Just because you are jealous of someone, doesn't mean you should speak ill of the dead. You shouldn't be thinking like that anyway, Emily is a living girl…whatever you are, you don't belong with her?"

"Why would I think to?" I just stared at the man, had he really gone mad in the confusion. I didn't even justify the accusation of jealousy with any sort of response.

"Uh huh, just be careful. Corvo was right, the sooner you get back to the void the better. This is not the sort of trouble she needs." Sokolov was grumbling on his way out the door, glaring at me as he went. I stared curiously after him, folding my hands under my chin, setting the elbows on the table as I thought about it.

Be with Emily? Had I given that impression? That we were something more than comrades that were working toward a shared goal?

Yes.

That's why Sokolov had brought up her lover. He was trying to interfere with something that didn't exist…at least not until he'd pointed it out. Emily was impressive as far as humans went after all, and I had safeguarded her for the whole of her life…from Daud, from Delilah, from countless tiny assassins and power-seekers. Was there something more to it than whim? Than the protection of an area I once called home? Did I subconsciously know more than the cards in front of me?

Then there was Emily…

Now that it had been pointed out, I realized the signs were there but I'd been too distracted with my escape to notice them often. I knew that she found me attractive, many did, but did she expect something more? She was in the closet mourning her dead lover, so that seemed unlikely as well but obviously Sokolov had seen it or he wouldn't have brought it up. Frustrating old man…

Still, for annoying as Sokolov could be he was right in this instance. Whatever strange possibilities that Sokolov or Emily may have considered as far as a relationship went…I didn't have the luxury of something of that nature. I did need to get back to the void as soon as possible…even the option of entertaining some sort of deeper relationship was completely out of the normal view for me. Thinking that it could have been some long subconscious plan…perhaps Sokolov wasn't the only one that had gone mad in the closet today.

I shook my head, dismissing the idea and picked up the silverware. I'd only gotten a few bites in when the door to the vault slid open. I could hear and smell the difference in the air with Emily's presence before she was visible, just as well with my somewhat limited new eyes. The sea wasn't the only source of salt in the room. She paused to stare at me, glancing between the food and me before frowning at me.

"Really?" She scowled more as she walked closer. "After you drop that on me you just come back here and act like nothing is wrong?"

Was she trying to start a fight? I canted my head at her.

"I was hungry. That is the purpose for the second plate is it no…" My question was interrupted, I caught her hand before it touched my cheek but it didn't pause the fact that she'd attempted to strike me in the first place. I wasn't angry with her, just a bit surprised. I searched her face but she looked down, away from me. A pity she wasn't as easy to read as the rest of the mortals. "Emily, I apologize for your los…"

"Stop." She shook her head, holding up a hand. "You aren't sorry, you are just going through the motions, pretending so I won't still be mad and I'll help you on this little adventure. Why wouldn't you have told me sooner?"

"I do not pretend, Emily Kaldwin." I replied sharply, feeling irritation getting under my skin. The day had already been difficult and I wasn't in the mood to deal with another childish tantrum. "I did not tell you because it had not been relevant until now. I simply hadn't thought about it until Sokolov mentioned him."

I had the forethought not to tell her that Wyman was irrelevant to me in the scheme of everything so I'd forgotten he'd existed until Sokolov brought him up.

"You…no, nevermind. You probably can't help it. Go ahead, eat both plates…I'm not hungry anymore anyway." She stalked off faster than she'd come, leaving off into the palace. I presumed to either sneak out or do something away from me. I remained frowning…was she blaming me for his death? Probably, humans mislabeled and projected their pain on others all the time. It was one of the things I least liked about them…then again…was I at some fault? Rarely were humans totally innocent either…I suppose I lacked the ability to empathize as a normal human would. I should have been…what was the word they use…supportive?

I closed my eyes – it was uncomfortable with the lenses in, I could feel the sliver of difference compared to not having them in. She was leaping away at that moment, not too far from the room I was in now…going off on one of her escapes to the city rooftops. She wasn't calling on the powers that linked us…taking a longer more difficult route. She was still angry with me then…Daud had done similar things in the past when he'd gotten frustrated with me, as had other marked. I always found it curious, but this was the first time I questioned if I'd possibly deserved the treatment. I sighed and continued to cut my meal…it wouldn't do any good to pursuit her until she'd managed to wear herself down a little.

Emily –

"Empress Emily." I mirrored the warm smile Sokolov offered me as I entered the vault. I had always cared for the older man, he was the closest thing to a grandfather I ever expected to have. So few of my real relationships were blood family after all. I glanced around, not spotting the Outsider immediately, a bit disappointed. I had been busy preparing through the afternoon and much of the evening with father and Caldoun so I was missing this crafting session and I was hoping to see designs but I didn't see many papers around him.

"Is it that late already? I believe we've just finished, he's putting them in now." Sokolov didn't seem to notice my disappointment, he was looking at the clock on the wall. He seemed honestly surprised that the hour was past dinner, but I had felt all of the boring conversation all day.

"Already?" I was surprised, even though I had a long day I expected it to take longer to craft something I'd just thought of and asked for. He'd not only made designs, he'd finished a product? Corvo was right that the man was the genius of our time.

"Yes, yes, good we have you here, you can be the first judge." He was grinning like he used to when he would make me small toys to make me giggle or laugh. I had to admit I didn't mind the lighter side of him. It wasn't too common for anyone to wear a smile these days.

Then the Outsider came out from one of the side areas…and I was taken aback. It was a complete change to the black the eyes had been before. I had to step closer, looking for flaws I'd reached up to brush bangs from his face without thinking about it. They were still dark, even though Sokolov had crafted the Outsider brown eyes, they were still dark. Knowing what was underneath them, I found myself searching for it – the void in his gaze that had trapped me so easily the night before.

"That's amazing…he looks human." I admitted lightly, though I could still feel the difference, that there was something beneath the illusion waiting to swallow me up. It almost made it harder not to stare, to search for the flaw in the disguise I'd asked them to craft. I wasn't sure if I wanted to applaud them or tell them to change it. A part of me almost missed the darkness…

The Outsider seemed ready to speak, he'd spent the several long silent seconds I stared returning my gaze, but it was Sokolov's voice that crashed into me like a rail cart. "So Emily, how is Wyman?"

The guilt was almost immediate. Wyman. I hadn't thought about him in weeks. Yet the name returned my memories clearly enough, the involved ways we tangled up in each other only feet away in this very room months ago.

"I haven't heard from him, not sense…everything." I replied as strongly as I could. It was the truth, but I hadn't exactly looked for him either. Even though I'd just told myself I was possibly falling for someone else…how does someone forget their lover exactly? I knew Sokolov must have noticed my interest in the Outsider – the intensity he made me feel had to be clear. I backed away swiftly, but too swiftly and that just told everything I didn't say. I was a horrible person.

"He was assassinated…in Morley, Delilah sent the witches that did it." The Outsider's voice was so nonchalant about the information. As though he were one of the attendants letting me know that everything today was expected to be completely average. The information only further pressed the guilt that was rising in my chest, it was difficult to breath…but he kept speaking. "It was when you were in Aramis Stilton's manor. Poison. Though it was swift, he felt little."

…

"Oh…good…" What did you say to that? What was the proper response to learning that your lover was killed because of who you were? That you had already somehow stopped thinking about them and they'd just died? Where was the proper court response to that? Somehow, I managed to stay somewhat composed. "…I…would you two mind if I spent some time alone?"

Sokolov agreed and muttered an apology, but the Outsider just followed him. My knees touched the floor at the same time the door was sliding shut. Another person dead because I was the Empress of Dunwall…it was my fault. There was no other reason for someone to target Wyman than because of his connection to me. Delilah…

I punched the floor, it made my hand hurt but I didn't care…I punched it again. What was the point of all of this supposed power if I couldn't keep anyone that got close to me safe? I swallowed back the bile rising in my throat. I didn't deserve to let myself get sick over this. I'd not thought about Wyman in months…none of my thoughts had turned to him almost at all while I was getting the country back. I didn't love him…not the way I should have…but now that I'd been told he was gone my chest still hurt. With guilt more than anything…

While I was at Aramis Stilton's manor…

I was so concerned with Delilah I'd forgotten Wyman.

Clearly I didn't love him as I should…but he'd been a friend, more than a friend…a confidant that I needed when I felt all I was doing was surviving the throne. I know it wouldn't have been better if Delilah kept the throne, but I wasn't sure I deserved it either.

The Outsider was handing me a tool by which to help kill her at the same time my lover was dying but he couldn't take a moment to tell me? He offered me the very ability to travel through time to achieve my goals but forwent that small piece of information?

Why?

Why hadn't I asked?

I curled my arms around myself, I could feel the moisture falling along my face. I knew I should have felt worse, that I should have been sobbing uncontrollably…isn't that what one does for a lover? I wondered if father still sobbed for mother…but some part of me knew that if he didn't now he had at some point. What sort of person was I? What sort of person was the crown making me?

I took a deep breath, wiping at my face…I couldn't just sit here…I needed to be moving…doing something. I could go out, if ever I had an excuse to escape to the rooftops of the city it was now. I walked out to the side, opening the vault…pausing when I saw the Outsider eating at the table, he looked so calm, so composed. As if nothing at all had happened…

"Really?" I knew it wasn't his fault…but the words came anyway…the anger was there…the desire to lash out…to do something with the pain inside me. "After you drop that on me you just come back here and act like nothing is wrong?"

Nor was I wrong…he could have approached me more gently…told me sooner…

"I was hungry. That is the purpose for the second plate is it no…" I tried to slap him, I didn't want him to act like this was nothing. Like Wyman was nothing…I'd done more than enough of that…and I hated that anyone else would. He caught my hand though, watching me with that same calm…I hated it in that moment. His calm was so horrible when I didn't want it, I loathed his ability to just take anything happening as more than a vague interest and usually as completely unimportant. "Emily, I apologize for your los…"

"Stop." I interrupted him, holding up a hand. He didn't get to apologize…not when he could have said so much more…so much sooner. Was Wyman really that unimportant in the end? What about the nights I'd spent with him? What about his sister who counted on him? Had she died as well? Clearly the Outsider wouldn't care one way or another…and I refused to rely on him to ask what I wanted to ask. . "You aren't sorry, you are just going through the motions, pretending so I won't still be mad and I'll help you on this little adventure. Why wouldn't you have told me sooner?"

"I do not pretend, Emily Kaldwin." His voice went cold for the first time in our short one-sided argument. I was railing and he was still controlled. Yet, even the things I didn't say he seemed to know... "I did not tell you because it had not been relevant until now. I simply hadn't thought about it until Sokolov mentioned him."

Him staring at me, I couldn't help but feel small, even if he looked human, he was so much more than that…our lives were so little to him. I couldn't even look at him. He was only doing what came naturally, and even now he was kinder than I wanted.

"You…no, nevermind. You probably can't help it. Go ahead, eat both of the plates…I'm not hungry anymore anyway." I knew the push wouldn't work, that he wouldn't chase after me. I wanted someone to punish me, I wanted to be in pain…I deserved it, didn't I? For what I'd done? Why wouldn't he fight me back? I needed to find trouble…I had to be somewhere else, not here. Anywhere but here, so close to where I'd spent days with Wyman when he was alive…before I'd forgotten everything seeking the throne.

I took to the rooftops, ignoring the fact that it had started to rain. Perhaps if I could find some members of a gang and rescue someone, or take out some threat to the people of the city – I would feel less worthless as it's ruler. That Wyman's death might mean something more if I could improve everything…yet, either because Delilah had already driven them out, or they'd left by fear of my return to the crown – I couldn't find any of vagabond's I was hoping for.

It was probably an hour later and I was soaked through my clothing but I didn't turn back toward the palace. Instead I climbed higher, the storm met my mood today. I leapt from a vent to pull myself onto the edge of a roof, sighing as I looked down with blurred vision. It was days like today I hated the most…when I learned people died for my place here. I growled at the thought, jumping again, but this time my foot caught a tile that was loose and it slipped from under me. I grasped for the ledge but it was too wet outside. As the feeling of weightlessness overtook me I had to laugh, I could almost hear Wyman telling me that it was dangerous to go out in this sort of weather.

End Chapter

So a bit angst but I wanted to not just visit but face the fact that Emily had possessed a lover at the start of the game that was mentioned and then, at least from what I recall, she never really talked about after the first chapter. Next chapter should be more positive!

-Aura

P.S. My husband is leaving for a month and a half starting tomorrow and that may have also influenced the chapter going this dark. XD

To my reviewers:

50Shades –There are other stories on here, I think mine probably has the longest chapters but there are some others with shorter entries worth reading : ) Thanks though, I'm glad you like it.