Chapter Ten: Affection

"It is a strange thing how quickly one's heart can turn toward affection. How fondness can blossom into devotion. Some would label this nothing more than a scientific need to extend the species…but most so quick to state such are either jaded or lack any spiritual understanding. How can fervor to the point of ignoring self-interest and all logical sense of survival be a mechanism of that very survival? Passion, the very enthusiasm of actual love, proves such a concept is forfeit of truth…"

The Outsider –

Warmth.

It was the opposite of what I expected to feel after my unexpected visit to the void and then the blank slate of sleep. I was exceptionally groggy but I knew my body was moving slightly, as if I were still in the void, floating while remaining slightly physical. On second thought…it was not just warm…it was hot. Not uncomfortably so…but at the same time…it was all a series of sensations I had not grown used to in the other times I'd woken from my slumbers. It didn't even smell like the vault.

Was I somewhere else entirely then?

Exhausted. That I was without question, so much so that I wasn't entirely concerned with where I was now. If my body hadn't protested at an accidental attempt to breath water, I probably would have just gone back to sleep. Instead the warmth became a burn in my chest as I started to cough up liquid and pulled myself from the hot water I realized I was in. I blinked at the small room where I was now, it wasn't somewhere I'd been before.

Emily was nearby with her hands on her hips, watching me as I continued to cough. Dressed in a long smooth robe as opposed to her usual multipurpose but highborn attire. This was not the room at her castle…and it was moving. We were already on the boat and I was in…a bathtub. My clothes still very much on, and very much soaked. Unlike our time in the storm they had not stayed dry from me being submerged completely.

"Finally, if I would have known tossing you in the tub was going to wake you I'd have done it much sooner." Emily remarked, still scowling as she leaned down to press her hand into my forehead. The bottom of her robe was wet, water that had splashed out?

I blinked at her again, still not fully awake as I tried to decipher the situation. Why was she wet?

"I see I missed the boat's departure." I remarked, a bit amused at the way her eye twitched in irritation at my obvious observation. Whatever questions I asked I expected I would get an answer to what had happened while I was unconscious. "Why am I still wearing my clothes? I was fairly certain one undressed to bathe."

"You wouldn't wake up…it's been almost twenty-four hours since you went to sleep." She stated, a fact that appeared to frustrate her. "A moment ago, the mark started burning and when I checked on you…you were ice cold. I was worried you were dead until I saw you breathing."

"So, you threw me in the bath?" I rubbed my face as I tried to make sense of where I was. I certainly hadn't missed almost an entire day even when I had been mortal. It didn't help that I still felt drained...perhaps the void wasn't totally locked off but crossing into it even for a short time left me feeling weak. I hadn't made a motion to get up out of the water after all.

"You were freezing…colder than any dead body I've touched…and I didn't know what else to do. It worked, didn't it?" Emily asked, touching my arms as if trying to make sure I wasn't still this icicle she was describing. "You don't still feel cold."

"I'm not." I assured. I had always presumed the void had a sense of humor separate from me being a part of it…but now I was convinced. "Though I wouldn't say I'm comfortable…I am still quite tired."

"Don't fall asleep again. What happened?" She hissed at me, shaking my arm slightly when I closed my eyes. "This isn't just because of yesterday. You were sleeping sure but you looked all right. After the mark burned you were so cold, and your face is drawn. Your eyes have deeper circles. It's like you didn't get any rest at all, if anything you look worse than you did when you fell asleep."

"I was pulled into the void." I answered after her tirade, it was clear she'd been concerned for me. I still didn't make a motion to get out of the bathtub, it was sort of nice to have the heated water around me as I discussed what happened. Then, I still didn't want to move either. "Delilah called me there…but don't worry, she's not the problem she was."

"What? What does that mean? Now isn't really the time for riddles…" Her cross concern brought a slight raise to my lips. For all her irritation, I appreciated that she worried for me.

"Delilah took more of the void into herself these last few days." I explained. "It was too much for her. Particularly since the way she stole it in the first place was corrupted. Whoever she was before then, it's gone now. The void has destroyed her mind…she wanted me to take the power back…to fix all of this so she no longer had it."

"But that would kill her…that doesn't sound like her." Emily remarked, her brows furrowing at my description even when it was straightforward. "Could it have been just a dream or nightmare?"

"It wasn't." I shook my head once negatively at the concept. "We need to complete the ritual to return things to normal as soon as possible."

"Why? What else? You said Delilah was the threat before, but there's something more wrong." She was good at reading between the lines. Then, I wasn't exactly trying to hide anything now.

"The void is disappearing; my absence is somehow eating away at it." I answered her. "I wish I knew why, but I don't. I simply know it would be wisest to return things to the way they were."

Emily nodded. She clearly already intended to help but it seemed a fair trade to give her the request of honesty, considering she'd been safeguarding me and still taken me on this trip when she couldn't know when I'd wake. She looked exhausted as well, not as much as I felt it but enough that I felt a bit of guilt for adding to her many stresses. My intention of avoiding guilt wasn't working out, opposed to what I'd hoped for I was getting good at feeling it.

"And Delilah?" Emily asked.

"She remains trapped until the ritual is complete, then she'll be put to rest." I answered, leaving it at that. Emily would know the overall meaning well enough. "But first we must reach our destination…"

I had finally stood, I had the power to dry myself as I left the tub but even that small use of power left me wavering. Emily moved to support me, steadying me after putting one of my arms over her shoulder. She helped me back to the bed I supposed I must have slept in all day but didn't remember…and then sat next to me when I lay down. "I must apologize. After I agreed to look after you, it seems you are the one playing protector…"

"It's fine…I'm just glad you are all right." Emily answered, taking my left hand and squeezing it before she picked up a towel. I heard her moving to wet it as I closed my eyes, already my body was showing the need for rest. The powers I had access to, the energy used in the void…it wasn't really meant for a physical body. I watched Emily fixing the bed, straightening it out and pulling covers over me.

"You don't need to take care of me." I pointed out. "My body will adjust with time. Besides, I won't be here long."

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't be comfortable." She retorted as she looked at me. Our faces were close. She was staring at my eyes again. I expected her to be afraid after she had experienced part of what I was, to remain afraid. Yet, she wasn't. Then the last day or so flashed through my mind. Her resting to next to me, carrying me here, arguing with her father or scolding me when I couldn't answer. I was a bit surprised by the flow of information and certainly couldn't decipher it all but something was clear all the same, how much she'd taken the time to stay near me when she could…she'd seen a piece of me, seen the void…and opposite what anyone else would do she not only failed to run, she seemed intent to keep me company…

It may have been that. The fact that this girl had managed to make me feel as though I wasn't alone for the first true time in millennia…then perhaps I'd known that she wouldn't back down and it was simply a delight to have the interest of someone that knew more than any other what I was. Perhaps it was simply her being in different clothing, or that she was tired. Maybe it was just the fact that she was taking the time to safeguard me, to do the small things no one had ever done. Whatever the cause, I was convinced that Emily Kaldwin was the most beautiful thing in any realm. I didn't think about it when I reached up, there was no consideration spared for the consequence of my actions. I only knew I wanted to touch her, to be closer to her after she'd taken care of me. I cupped her cheek, not disappointed by the reaction. The red on her face was almost immediately obvious, as was the warmth under my fingers.

I pulled her face closer to mine gently, I doubted I could have forced her if she hadn't let me. Then touched her lips with mine for just a fraction of a second before she backed up…I certainly wouldn't have let her escape had it been in my power. She looked so shocked, and seemed as if she wanted to speak twice before closing her mouth, unable to form what she wanted to say. I smiled lightly at her embarrassed confusion. There was much I wanted to say as well, to explain to her…

"Thank you."

The only two words I managed before I lost consciousness again.

Emily –

I only had time to throw on one of the robes in my bags before rushing to his room. The Outsider was still unconscious but when I touched him he was cold. Not just chill…but like ice…his entire room was the same minus the temperature. There was even a bit of frost on his window. For a moment, I was worried that he'd died here, that this ship would suffer some strange death throws…but then he took a breath. I stared at his chest moving, frowning at the cold in the room while my hand still burned and glowed, as if in painful reply to whatever was happening.

I picked him up, it wasn't the first time I'd had to lift him but he seemed somehow heavier than that morning…but perhaps that was just the chill or my fear over not knowing what was happening. I tossed him in the bathtub, ignoring the water that splashed free onto the feet of my robes even if it was a stark change in temperature. I watched as his body didn't move, scowling at the lack of response even to this. I was about to step forward and pull him back out when his head shifted beneath the water but he began to cough.

He was awake. I felt a small wave of relief, then that was washed away by my annoyance…what the hell was going on? He didn't make a motion to speak, instead glancing about the room as if trying to figure out where he was. I guess it was fair given I'd moved him from where he fell asleep by quite a margain but somehow seeing the Outsider so out of sorts inspired anxiety. I leaned down to check his forehead, relieved when he wasn't still icy to the touch.

"Finally, if I would have known tossing you in the tub was going to wake you I'd have done it much sooner." I remarked, somehow placated but perplexed at his sudden consciousness.

"I see I missed the boat's departure." His ability to be sardonic even now was a relief since I figured he had to be all right if he was reverting immediately to sarcasm. "Why am I still wearing my clothes? I was fairly certain one undressed to bathe."

Then again, I could have gone without the attitude.

"You wouldn't wake up…it's been almost twenty-four hours since you went to sleep." I stated in as even a voice as I could. I refused to cry, I'd rather be angry. "A moment ago, the mark started burning and when I checked on you…you were ice cold. I was worried you were dead until I saw you breathing."

"So, you threw me in the bath?" He sounded a bit contrite, reaching up to rub his face, he still looked drained despite all the sleep, as if some part of him was used up. He hadn't made a motion to get out of the tub even though he sounded insulted by being there. Perhaps he wasn't as fine as I first thought…

"You were freezing…colder than any dead body I've touched…and I didn't know what else to do. It worked, didn't it?" I meant the question as a hypothetical and thankfully he didn't answer it. I felt his arms to make sure he was not still frigid as he'd been. "You don't still feel cold."

"I'm not." He assured, sounding as if he didn't know how to feel about this. I guess I couldn't blame him. I doubted that even in 4000 years he'd woken up quite like this before. "Though I wouldn't say I'm comfortable…I am still quite tired."

"Don't fall asleep again. What happened?" I hissed, marking my words by shaking his arm when he closed his eyes. I couldn't take him just falling back to sleep without telling me what was happening. "This isn't just because of yesterday. You were sleeping sure but you looked all right until just now. After the mark burned you were so cold, and your face is drawn. Your eyes have deeper circles. It's like you didn't get any rest at all, if anything you look worse than you did when you fell asleep."

"I was pulled into the void." He remarked, still not opening his eyes despite the fact I'd told him not to go to sleep. But at least he was answering, even if we were having this conversation in a strange place it was better than not having it at all. "Delilah called me there…but don't worry, she's not the problem she was."

Delilah? My heart dropped even with his immediate reassurance, she felt like a threat to me. Perhaps the Outsider was right, I should have simply killed her instead of trying to mess with forces I didn't understand at all…

"What? What does that mean? Now isn't really the time for riddles…" I wanted to strangle him but I knew that wouldn't help, he already looked so drained…and would it even mean anything if I did? Probably not…he'd probably just fall asleep again…

"Delilah took more of the void into herself these last few days." He explained in a groggy voice. "It was too much for her. Particularly since the way she stole it in the first place was corrupted. Whoever she was before then, it's gone now. The void has destroyed her mind…she wanted me to take the power back…to fix all of this so she no longer had it."

"But that would kill her…that doesn't sound like her." I noted, confused at the description. Even when he was explaining in a way I could understand somewhat without trying to be cryptic was only when the topic was confusing… "Could it have been just a dream or nightmare?"

"It wasn't." He immediately dismissed the idea. "We need to complete the ritual to return things to normal as soon as possible."

"Why? What else? You said Delilah was the threat before, but there's something more wrong." I knew he wouldn't stress such an importance if there wasn't a reason for it.

"The void is disappearing; my absence is somehow eating away at it." His answer only inspired more questions. How could the void disappear? Was it even there to begin with? Didn't he say it wasn't actually a place? More like some sort of entity…not unlike himself…and he was a part of it. If it disappeared would he go with it? He seemed to realize I was confused, he'd opened back up his eyes to look at me at some point – even if they were only half-lidded. "I wish I knew why, but I don't. I simply know it would be wisest to return things to the way they were."

I nodded. I was glad I had fought with father, somehow this seemed even more dire than just Delilah being a threat. Still, he hadn't said she was gone…

"And Delilah?" I asked.

"She remains trapped until the ritual is complete, then she'll be put to rest." He answered, moving his arms for the first time to stand out of the water. "But first we must reach our destination…"

He did stand, he even got out of the tub, the water draining off him and his clothes into the bath as though it had never soaked into the cloth in the first place. Which would have been impressive if he didn't immediately start to stumble and I had to play crutch. Obviously…whatever Delilah had done to summon him across this separation had cost him a lot. Was she just calling on his power the entire time? I ignored the way the Outsider was scanning me as I helped him back to his bed.

"I must apologize. After I agreed to look after you, it seems you are the one playing protector…" He stated after I got him lying on the bed again.

"It's fine…I'm just glad you are all right." I shrugged at the idea…but took his hand to squeeze it gently before moving to look after him. He'd gone from chilled to warm. I went to wet the towel in the sink with cooler water, wringing it out and bringing it back. His breathing had already slowed and his eyes were closed. Whatever was going on, it was clear that having a real body wasn't what the Outsider was supposed to have. I reached over him to pull the blanket up, straightening it out.

"You don't need to take care of me." He said lightly, voice thick with tired. "My body will adjust with time. Besides, I won't be here long."

What could I do but take care of him in this way? Was that his way of letting me know subtly that no matter how I looked after him he couldn't return my affection?

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't be comfortable." I answered seriously. Glancing to his face after I had the blanket straight. I was still leaning nearby so it was a mistake. We were close, nearer to each other than when I'd been ready to confess to him on the balcony. His eyes still drew me in…I couldn't help it. Watching him I felt as if I were falling, and for all my subconscious' protests I enjoyed falling. Besides, he was staring back at me. What if all I had were these moments where all we did was watch each other…once he was gone he may never return to visit me again after all?

Then he touched my cheek. I blushed at the contact, surprised as much at the gesture as I was by his ability to be so gentle. When he pulled me, closer I didn't resist, not until our lips began to touch did the inner empress in me rail and I backed away. I did want this…want him…but what more was there to it? What could possibly come from it? I tried to say something, my mouth open and working a moment before I realized I had no idea how to express it. This wasn't exactly something gone over in my lessons.

He smiled at my flustered reply, did he always have to be amused at me in my most vulnerable moments? He seemed ready to speak instead and I was eager to hear what it was he had to express.

"Thank you." Was all he said before he fell unconscious. The hand that had been holding my cheek a moment before returned to the bed, he was again gone to the world and to me.

"Outsider?" I whispered, hoping it would return him. Yet, I heard nothing but what was now becoming the steady rise and fall of his breath. I took and let out a long sigh of my own, setting my head on the edge of the bed as I sank down next to it. I knew my face was still on fire as I buried it in the side of his mattress. What was that just now exactly?

End Chapter

Fluffy. My chapters feel to me as they may be too long, so I hope they aren't for someone reading through. I felt like some fluff was needed, and from what I have in mind next chapter will be more fluff…so I hope people don't mind. Between Technical Writing Class (dear god boredom) and my fic all I've done all week is write. I guess all the dullness of class has made my muse rise up in protest XD

-Aura

To my reviewers:

Whispering Sage – Yeah, had she not been so horrible I may have felt a little bad but I couldn't since she was such a monster herself.

Tiger fur – Thank you. I have plans…and lol, glad you found the name funny. The Outsider hasn't gotten to hear his moniker yet.