Chapter Nineteen: Judgment

"One's judgment is varied and dependent on all manner of circumstance. Personal choice can only come from the options one possesses. When there aren't multiple options is it fate when there seems only one choice or is one lacking the ability or desire to search for others?"

Emily –

My marriage was decided the way I might make a trade deal. But that's what it was, that's all it was…I wasn't marrying him for love but convenience. His, and mine. I knew it was good really, I knew the Outsider wouldn't lie to me about his presence being a good one for my Empire. Still, it felt hollow…mother may have never married father but I wondered if she would have had politics allowed it. Even if politics allowed me to pick anyone, I'd still found the one creature that the country would never accept given the overseers…I could see the high overseer turning shades no human should turn if he ever heard how I felt about the Outsider…

Anton was quite happy with the way it had ended up but I wanted us to be friends, as we wouldn't be anything more than that and we had a country to rule together…or would soon. Then the Outsider had stepped inside…had he known all along I would do this? Was he just waiting on me? He didn't have any sense of urgency that something more was wrong as he spoke with Anton. He congratulated us both, but I suppose this was to his convenience as well…that fit didn't it. My marriage being something so useful for everyone as opposed to passionate.

Anton was swift to press me the following more. To tell his father instead of him telling the Duke, he wanted to make sure this Nathanial was safe even though we'd already put him on the ship. He was in one set of quarters, the witch in another. It was growing crowded on that ship very quickly. A good thing we weren't staying since it seemed every day we picked up a new passenger. Still, I lingered a moment outside the Duke's office. I still was not sure if I'd made the right decision as to this, father would probably be less than pleased, but it was my life…I just hoped I wasn't making mistakes I couldn't recover from.

"Stay strong my Empress," The memory of his whisper was light in my ear, a comfort I hadn't expected. "Try not to regret, and I'll try to make certain you have no reason to."

I smiled a bit again at the memory of it. That he could offer me strength even when he wasn't actively filling my ears with information no human should have. What did I have to fear with the closest thing to a god in our world at my back? I pushed my way into the office where the Duke and several attendants were looking over maps.

"Your highness." The Duke rose from his desk and a few politicians stood suddenly as well around him from where they'd been leaning over plans for a new area of the dock. I smiled at him, gesturing him to sit again.

"This is your home Christian, please sit." I said with wave of my hand as I approached. "I've come to speak to you of important matters. If you wouldn't mind the interruption that is, I could…"

I didn't even get to finish the offer of coming back later.

"We'll finish this afternoon, take a break." He told the others at the table, he probably didn't even realize he'd interrupted me. He was all too eager to be related to the crown. I was disturbed but I didn't show it, I couldn't. In the end, I knew well his reasons thanks to the Outsider, I could empathize even if I didn't agree. I waited until the others had left and took a seat.

"I spoke to your son, I didn't want him to enter into something without being happy as well you understand." I stated, a bit amused at how swiftly his eagerness darkened, then brightened again at my next statement. "We have agreed to an engagement and the terms."

"Wonderful, I expect you'll both be quite happy." He was grinning ear to ear.

My next statement crashed his good mood, and I had to admit that I was sort of enjoying watching the yo-yo of emotions on his face. His wife's death had left him less good at covering up how he was feeling than he'd once been. Time would probably fix that. "We will be taking Nathanial with us, to Dunwall. My Royal Protector is already getting the boy used to his room on the ship. Anton will follow later. We each agreed it was the best for all involved and I hope that you don't mind us taking one of your attendants."

"Of course, you are welcome to your majesty." The Duke stated, having finally managed to school his expression. "Are you certain you wish for that servant, we have many that are better attendants."

"Yes, I understand having an attachment to specific servants after a time." I replied, staring at him and waiting for him to notice that I knew what it meant. "Anton and I agreed specifically to these terms, I expect we'll both be very happy and I hope you are the same."

Thankfully the Duke read between the lines well, and he nodded to me. "You are an oddly merciful lady Empress Emily, I obviously wish both of you only the best. I and Driscol will support your reign and that of your children."

"Thank you Duke Van Daken. For both a husband and for your ongoing support. I feel much better about leaving Driscol this evening than I did yesterday." I answered honestly. I doubted he would make a move against Nathanial this way, now that he knew I accepted his son's interest in the same sex. Now that he'd gotten past the unexpected approach he seemed tired but appreciative. I'd managed to save the family from itself I suppose.

"Thank you, Emily, honestly…I want you both to be happy." He repeated, but it was more genuine this time. I smiled in the same way, relaxing a bit, it seemed he understood my intentions well enough. "I hope there will still be children."

"I want that too Christian. "I replied, though I doubted it would be the case I couldn't blame the man for seeking what most men would. "I should go and finish the last of my briefings. We have a lot more to plan than we already did."

"Indeed, I look forward to seeing Dunwall again." The man looked a bit like a weight had been lifted. He may not understand me fully but he appreciated the way things had turned out all the same. All without us needing to speak as frankly as I had with Anton. I let out a sigh after I left the office, feeling as though I'd stayed an execution of an innocent man.

By evening we'd be back on the way to Dunwall, and soon I'd be losing the physical part of the Outsider and letting everyone know I'd be gaining a husband. I still felt unsure, even knowing it was all for the best, I just had to focus on the present, and try not to regret as he had asked.

Outsider –

My judgment was clouded…influenced by something ironically outside my usual patterns and behaviors. Being mortal…it was the same as being selfish. To survive it was a human requirement and yet I had never admired that attribute of the creatures I'd watched for centuries. Here I was however, on the precipice of desire and I realize just how tempting that leap away from reality can be, that drive to smother my greater consciousness in my dreams…my desires.

I was a man now after all, and I had all the desires that one would expect of such. Who wouldn't where my royal empress was involved? She was beautiful, not simply of body but of spirit…the deeper part of her that I'd seen before, the part that had driven her mercy and caused this issue was the very part that most drew me to her. It was rare that I was conflicted, I had little reason to be conflicted in the void after all, but now I was left considering just what I should do with my prize. Emily had agreed to marry another for the sake of being with me, with few questions asked and little hesitation given. It was an insult to her open acceptance of me that I considered any of this at all, but there was more at stake than her feelings, than mine.

The void required a representative, and I'd been the kindest it had of that much I was certain…Delilah obviously couldn't handle the power and I could only imagine the darkness that would leak into the world were I to leave her to it. The girl didn't know what she was asking for after all. There was also the matter of Emily as a whole.

How many times had I interfered on her behalf, offered my mark or pressed those that possessed it to keep her safe? People I'd never intended as targets, actions that pushed me beyond my normally neutral presence in the world. Even here I was putting in a personal effort I shouldn't and yet I'd safeguarded her long before I wore this mortal guise. Was it some subconscious understanding in the voice of the future even if it was cloudy to me. That some part of me always knew I'd come to feel this way about her? Or was that simply my projecting hopes onto otherwise reasonable actions to keep Delilah from taking power? I wondered…

I glanced down at the boat, we would be leaving soon but I was spending the time in preparation while Emily showed our new guests around on the crow's nest. Observing from a distance, unseen, that was how I'd spent dozens of centuries, a habit that did not die so easily. I watched the pair of men follow her with interest around the lower levels of the boat, seeing through the floors and walls was of little consequence. The pair of them was happy, would be happy for the foreseeable future pending any events I couldn't predict. Just as well, that would reflect onto the city and therefore Emily…another time I'd interfered when I could have left it alone.

All the same I couldn't help myself…I knew this was selfish…that I was no better than many of the mortals I'd looked down on but I hadn't felt in so long…I was in the room waiting for her when she returned. I'd meant to speak to her about my trepidations but we didn't get the chance to exchange words. Her lips pressed into mine with a fervor that spoke more deeply than any uttered syllables could have…

End Chapter

I realize the part with the Outsider is fairly short here, but that's because I like to warn people before citrus stuff is incoming after people complaining previously about not being warned. This and next chapter I'll offer a warning at the start. I expect it will be hard to write but hopefully I'll do it justice. Either way I'll also try to set an end of citrus sign as well.

-Aura

P.S. RIP the Dishonored series, I'm not a fan of where the DLC went. I shall have to make it by with my little side world. Worked on my fic today despite college draining me lately…hope it's still all right.

To my reviewers:

Thanks for all the kind words. I am gonna try to get back to this and finish it as school allows. I probably shouldn't have taken the break today but I was just so bummed with how DotO went I needed something nice Outsider wise to work with.

The Whispering Sage – Aw thanks, I'm glad people are still reading. I don't want to let the story die. I certainly plan to keep it going for a bit yet, particularly with the DLC coming out in Sept. If I can I'd like to work it in. Maybe have an Emily vs Billie action go on depending on what that story is like.

Grimm – Glad you agree on the marriage often being something just required in this age.

Tomas284 – Naw, I doubt there's much that could make me like Delilah…

Duklyn - Thanks, though I think they must have poor writers as a requirement for DLCs after this last one…I'm judgmental XD