CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN: All-Out Gun Fight

"Moneybags."

"Nope, I don't even want to hear it, Spyro."

"Moneybags."

"Not a word, Spyro! You're not breaking my will this time!"

"Moneybags."

"The Sorceress is paying me a FORTUNE to watch this cage, Spyro! This creature is a menace, and I refuse to even CONSIDER letting him out!"

Spyro rolled his eyes as he peered into the newest of the golden cages. The creature inside seemed harmless, adorable even. It was a monkey, sitting quietly in the cage and looking out at the Mountain with its big, black eyes. It was dressed in a green space suit and even had its own toy gun to chew on. How on EARTH did anybody think something so bright-eyed and quiet be dangerous?

"Moneybags, listen to yourself," Spyro tsked. "Look at this thing. It's a monkey in a space-suit. You're really going to stand there and tell me that this little guy's DANGEROUS?" Still, the brazen bear didn't hear it. With a sigh, the dragon changed his tune, resorting to the only language Moneybags spoke fluently - cash. "Alright, what's she paying you?"

"Six-fifty, purely in dragon treasure."

"I'll double it. Thirteen-hundred gems, and you lose the cage."

Moneybags choked on air, in disbelief at what he just heard. His old rival, savior of the dragon realms, was just HANDING him thirteen-hundred gems? And for what, to release a precious monkey back into the wild? (To be fair, he was on Spyro's side for once. Unlike the boxing kangaroo, the military-grade penguin, and the rampant yeti, this creature seemed rather docile.)

Struggling to maintain his cool, Moneybags adjusted his collar as Sparx dropped a hefty bag of gems at his feet. "Ahem, I mean...Spyro, you are truly a martyr among men. Or dragons and Avalari, whichever works. Rescuing the weak and downtrodden has always been a weakness of yours, but it is a flaw to be admired." He quickly undid the locks, swinging open the cage door. "I'm sure you're right, what harm could he do?"

The released monkey was timid as he approached the door, as if making sure its opening wasn't a cruel prank and Moneybags would slam him back in for running at it. Once he realized that he was truly a free monkey, the suited ball of fur curled up with a loud, shrieking laugh, then bounced out of the cage and jumped to his feet, eagerly spinning his blaster by its trigger, still cackling madly. "Whoopie! Woo-hoo! Yahoo! Oh, MAN, I can't believe you actually fell for that! AUGH, it was a major pain in the tail to sit still for that long, but HOT DOG, was it worth it!"

He slid over to Spyro, righting his helmet and giving it a solid knock. "Hey, thanks for the save, buddy, I REALLY owe ya one! That cage was driving me BANANAS! Get it, bananas, I'm a monkey? Hey, comedy's not for everyone!" He leaned in close with another mad laugh. "Say! You ever see a bear...dance?"

This could only end well. "Actually, now that you mention, I haven't."

"WE-HE-HE-ELL, THEN!" the monkey giggled, pulling a release switch on his blaster that caused it to charge up with energy. "Today's your lucky day, my good sir! Check THIS out!"

"Wait, no, stop!" Moneybags protested. The once-captive chimp took aim and fired, blasting a series of sharp lasers at the ground by the bear's feet. Moneybags stumbled and twisted, scrambling to the air as high as his weight would allow (which wasn't much, as you'd expect), and bolted for his life as soon as he found the chance. Likely to go resign from cage-sitting forever.

Spyro was nearly in tears of laughter when the monkey returned, still spinning his blaster. "Great dancer, isn't he? Not much stamina, though. Too bad, I still have a LOT more ammo!"

"I think that was worth just about every gem," Spyro laughed. "So what's your-"

"Agent 9's the name, blastin' rhynocs is my game!" the captive jumped in. "And this is Mr. Laser Blaster, say hi, Mr. Laser Blaster! Oh, don't mind him, he's shy, needs some time to WARM UP to people, right? Ah, you wouldn't get that joke. No need to introduce yourself, Spyro, I heard the WHOLE story from that itty-bitty-teensy cage'a mine. By the way, here's a life-tip for ya, watch out for cages when you're blowing up Fireworks Factories, alright? Aim high in life, but watch out for flying boxes, am I right?"

He broke into a mad cackle, only ending his explosive stream of consciousness when he had to pause for a breath. "AN~YWAY, know all about how you've been runnin' around and fighting the Sorceress and her armies and kickin' all that butt! Huzzah, whoopie, yahoo! Way to be a soldier, dragon, I can definitely get behind someone like you - 'cause no one ever said it was a good idea to stand in FRONT of a dragon, am I right?"

Spyro opened his mouth to ask the next obvious question, but yet again, Agent 9 interrupted him. "Look, I know you probably want me to run out and help you blast some rhynocs and all, 'cause TRUST ME, I wanna join ya! But I gotta rush back to the labs first and make sure they're not TOTALLY OVERRUN with rhynocs or anything, not that any rhynoc would want to get anywhere NEAR those labs, 'cause that would make Mr. Laser Blaster VE~RY unha~ppy! But promise, as soon as that's taken care of, you and I are gonna RUN Midnight Mountain! I'll be right there with ya, buddy! I owe ya a solid, not to mention I've been meanin' to give that fat Sorceress some dancin' lessons for a while, if ya know what I mean!"

"Got it!" Spyro laughed. It was quite difficult not to smile; psychotic as it sounded, Agent 9's laughter was addictive. "But don't take too long, alright? I'm not saving any rhynocs for ya!"

"I'll be back before you can say some word that's really long and impossible to say!" Agent 9 saluted. "I'd go with honorificabilitudinitatibus, just to give me ten extra seconds, alright? Later!" With another mad cackle, the escaped monkey ran off.

"What in the realms did you just do?"

"I have no idea, but I get the feeling it's going to be awesome."

oo00oo00oo

After clearing the stray rhynocs out of his home base in the island labs (and ducking back to the Fireworks Factory with Greta for a mix of rescuing Handel and a bit of unfinished business that may or may not have involved a large series of bombs and a lot of ninja boxes asking to be blown up), Agent 9 quickly found himself freed up to make good on his promise to help Spyro kick glorious amounts of rhynoc butt. (Oh, and something about the dragon eggs, of course.)

He finally caught up with Spyro and Hunter deep in the Dino Mines, where Sheriff Wyatt and Deputy Roy were having a lot of trouble with the local Bailey gang. "Someone" (with access to a Fireworks Factory, no less) stocked up the local dinos with laser blasters, turrets, and crates of dynamite, letting the dino-gang run wild over the quiet mining town.

"Well, boys, looks like we gots us some dino-wranglin' ta do," Spyro sneered, adjusting his custom-made Stetson to keep the blazing Mines sun out of his eyes.

"What's with the accent?" Hunter asked. "And where'd you get that hat?"

Flustered, Spyro threw his hat to the ground. "Come on, Hunter, can't you play along? I was trying to make a scene."

Decked out in his own flashy cowboy hat, Agent 9 slid onto the scene, making sure to keep his gun up and aimed, ready to strike at a moment's notice. "Howdy, partners! Sorry I'm a little late, Handel got into a bit of a hot mess back in the Fireworks Factory, and don't even get me STARTED on how bad the rhynoc problem got on the island! Anyway, Sheriff Wyatt gave me the low-down on what's going on with these dinos - definitely explains what the guy with the keys is doin' INSIDE the cage - and Mr. Laser Blaster ain't a fan of the idea that these guys got their own guns goin' on, so-"

The fast-talker finally paused, looking up to the rooftops and sniping a TNT-Rex before it bombarded the unsuspecting heroes with a stick of dynamite. "So come on, boys! Let's get dino-wranglin'! I'm itchin' ta show these cowpokes who's the REAL gunslinger of Midnight Mountain! Yeehaw!"

"See? Agent 9 can play along," Spyro laughed, rushing off alongside his newest simian ally to wrangle the Bailey gang.

Agent 9 took the lead as the heroes rushed through the town, opening wild fire on anything that moved (and several things that didn't, as a series of windows were unfortunate enough to experience.) Spyro and Sparx took a sneakier approach to things; the dragon-brothers covered each other, walking back to back quietly and only striking out when a Bailey gang member attempted to sneak up on them.

"You better work on catching up, Spyro!" Agent 9 cackled, peeking out from around the corner to snipe another TNT-Rex just as it was about to catch his dragon-ally off guard. "I'm already up ten dinosaurs! How many do you have down?"

Spyro spit out the mangled rock he was chewing to use as a projectile (unable to wield a weapon like his bipedal companions). "What, you're counting?"

"Yeah, you don't?"

"I don't. What, are we turning this into a game now?"

"A game? Ooh, I love games! Especially ones that involve shooting things! Let's do it, come on, it'll be fun!"

"Alright, first to-"

RRRRAWR! Before the rules of their competition could be set, Spyro and Agent 9 were momentarily stunned when the growl of a Gun-Totin' T-Rex snuck up on them, spinning his pistols before pointing one at each of their heads, laughing deeply at the look of shock and fear on their faces.

Its claws grazed the triggers before Agent 9 could even lift his blaster, and Spyro couldn't find the air to send a jet of flame to do the job instead. In that moment, all they could do was brace themselves for the ringing gunshots as the Bailey gang struck back.

WHACK! Instead, the T-Rex fell to the might of an arrow from above. Looking around, the would-be victims spotted Hunter on the rooftops, wearing Spyro's dismissed Stetson as his own, bow nocked and ready to strike down on another Bailey gang dino. "Come on, guys! Be a bit more careful! That guy almost had you!"

Spyro and Agent 9 broke into a brief moment of disparity; Hunter was right, there was no time to waste on silly games when there were worlds to save and eggs to rescue. But before long, the cheetah shot down on another charging dino, causing it to drop next to its recently-fallen companion:

"So what did we say we were playing to again? That'll make six for me!"

Writing for Agent 9 is absurdly fun, if you guys couldn't tell. XD Just wish he didn't premiere in the usually-bad final area and got some quality levels. Anyway, we'll be recovering from this detour next week with real storyline and real pacing that doesn't involve crazy long and short chapters. Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading!