I know I took a lot of time but I didn't have a lot of time. So, enjoy this comedy-filled chapter which I KNOW you will like. Hats off to you if you can not laugh while reading it. Also, I will be gone the whole month of October, from the 1st to the 25th, I go back to Italy to visit some of the people I left behind, so don't bother asking for updates on any of my stories. Even if I do bring my laptop, there's no way I can write anything with all the chaos the trip is gonna include.

Roman Torchwick was as happy as a criminal with a pyromaniac murder-happy bitch on his ass could be, which wasn't much to begin with. Despite his admittedly pathetic failure at the docks, he had more than made up for it by 'rescuing' the Faunus from the Schnee mineshafts and then shovelling dirt on Beacon's students. He loved to watch those young imbeciles realize that the world could turn against them as easily as it could turn on a criminal like him. He found their naivety so hilarious.

Not only that, but thanks to his 'holy quest' in Racistland, aka his little trip to Atlas, he'd gained the respect and admiration of many Faunus of the White Fang. Some were even wondering if he was a Faunus in disguise or something. Typical stupid animals. Only their leader hadn't been fooled, but he still held some sort of hateful respect for him, and coming from Adam Taurus himself, that was as far as he could go in the man's graces.

Fortunately, not all the White Fang members were as smart as that one. Everyone else had bought his little pretence with ease, even that big chainsaw-wielding guy who he still didn't know what kind of Faunus was. He was a hero to the White Fang.

All too easy.

Cinder had even cancelled the auction for more recruits. After all, what need did they have for more, when he had just filled their ranks? More recruits meant more equipment to be given out, and more chances to be caught. They could make do with what they had just fine.

The only one who wasn't happy was Neo, but that was to be expected. Cinder had prohibited her to kill those animals, and she was in a stabby mood. On top of that, it was her time of the month, and even if Aura negated the pain, she was still crabby. The poor lass was being driven insane by boredom.

Meh, he didn't care. As long as he was happy, he didn't care. Neo would get out of her funk soon enough. After all, the White Fang needed people to punish the unruly recruits and people to get rid of the prisoners. While those two weren't Neo's favourites, they still contained torture and murder, which would be good for her.

And it didn't end there! Roman's current favourite week was so good also because of what happened on the news. He knew the media would tear into those students like Grimm on a baby, but he didn't know they would give the news that much material. It was like they were asking to be covered in shame.

With a chuckle, he picked up his Scroll and looked through the newspapers.

Extreme and unjustified aggressiveness. Hidden racism. Sexual perversion. Uncontrollable and disobedient to an extreme.

And those were just a few of the flaws the media had given them. All of them based on actual facts, but exaggerated immensely for a scoop. Aggressiveness? Siblings fights existed before Dust was invented. Hidden racism? Last Roman checked, those were called jokes between friends. Horrible timing, sure, but not so incriminating on its own. Sexual perversion? He'd be surprised if teens those days didn't make sexual jokes left and right, especially when one was served to them on a silver platter. Uncontrollable? He wanted to laugh. Since when teens, Hunter trainees or not, were controllable? Parents dreaded adolescence for very real reasons.

Of course, if the media were to say that, they'd lose much of their scoop. It wasn't like they specifically liked scandals, it was just that for the time being, a scandal would bring them more views and money. It was just business.

And all that amused him to no end. Next thing they'd do would probably be portray him as a poor victim of those big bad trainees. They were attacking the so-called defenders of humanity to defend some poor criminals. Oh, the irony was sweeter than revenge.

Not that they were wrong, he had to admit it. Defenders of humanity or not, being the only ones to wield such immense powers such as Aura, Semblances and Hunter training, most of those 'defenders of humanity' ended up being arrogant, proud, pompous idiots who thought themselves above normal people.

If there was something Roman hated, was degrading others like that. He was a criminal mastermind, the best in Vale and known all over the world. Yet he admitted that a shop clerk would do a much better job than him if he were to be hired in a shop. He knew he had fields of expertise and that he didn't know everything.

Unfortunately, Hunters did not know such things.

He supposed it was only natural. Most Hunters only saw normal people when they were called in for an emergency, which meant the people would be scared, defenceless, and completely relying on them. It fed their ego, and made them think that normal people couldn't do anything on their own. So when they saw a normal person trying to do things on their own, they immediately stepped in, taking over, because it was for 'their own good', to prevent them from getting hurt since they weren't superheroes like the Hunters.

Well-meaning intentions, extremely wrong and arrogant actions. Roman adored the irony.

He was different. He didn't care to do the right or the wrong thing. He just did what he needed to do. He never went out of his way to help or harm someone. If he were to see a random child about to be eaten by Grimm, he'd step in and save them, not because it was the right thing to do, but because he wasn't a Grimm. The world wasn't in black and white. Criminals and Hunters alike were people just like every other civilian.

But Hunters didn't think like that. They thought they were the heroes, the ones who were always right and on the good side.

And that was why he found so very entertaining to see Hunters being painted as the bad guys. No matter what one called it, karma or justice or whatever, he just loved seeing them being called out on their bullshit.

It shook the world of those naive 'black-and-white' kind of thinkers, and he loved to shake worlds.

It wasn't something personal, really. True, those kind of people irritated him, but it was more of a 'war veteran looking at children playing war' kind of irritation. It was the irritation of someone who knew how the world was, and was surrounded by hopeful idiots who illuded themselves.

Was it wrong for him to be amused by the sufferance of others? Maybe. But he didn't care. Few were the times criminals weren't painted as evil monsters.

He's a liar, stay away from him, he'll stab you in the back when you aren't looking.

He's a thief, you can't trust a word of what he says.

He broke the law, he should be thrown to the Grimm.

He's just a criminal. He's evil.

His good mood vanished, and with it his smile. Those memories never failed to ruin everything.

Roman Torchwick lighted a cigar and took a long, calming puff of smoke before exhaling slowly, trying to draw himself with the smoke. Then he turned back to the newspapers and smiled once again. "Let's see who's the criminal now, huh? Maybe all those people-beloved heroes aren't so heroic after all."

/-/

BOOM.

A pile of papers slammed on the wooden desk, making it tremble. One of the pens fell, and the computer's screen went static for a second. Ozpin blearily looked up, looking very worse for wear, and a feminine sigh was heard before a cup of coffee was laid on the table.

The man sluggishly reached out and took the mug, draining half of it in one go and regretting it immediately. The immensely bitter beverage didn't burn as much as scorch his tongue and throat, which was probably a good thing as the taste would've otherwise made him throw up.

"Easy, Ozpin, small sips," Goodwitch instructed, placing a hand over his wrist and lowering it gently. "It's very strong. Should keep you awake for long enough."

Ozpin shuddered and glared at the drink. "What is this… this… this affront to the word coffee?"

"I asked Oobleck to get the most concentrated caffeinated drink he knew of, even if it wasn't drinkable. Your Aura should protect you from dying from it," the woman replied off-handedly, making Ozpin glanced warily at the mug. "Anyway, I may have found a solution to our problem."

"In just one day? Glynda, you're a lifesaver." Literally. He wouldn't be there if it wasn't for her.

"However, not all of them might be… desirable." She was obviously underselling it. "Should I begin?"

"Go on."

"Leaking the media informations about Salem."

"No way."

"Telling your life story – your real life story."

"That's worse than the first."

"Sending a few teams of the least liked trainees in Beacon to a suicide mission against Atlas."

"I don't think that'd be a good idea, but you never know…"

"Kidnapping James Ironwood, drugging him, and making him publicly sing Living la Vida Loca, naked, in Vale's main park."

"Tempting, really tempting, but a political disaster."

"Ordering the assassination of General Ironwood."

"What has that man ever done to you?"

"Should I start listing?"

"No, please." Ozpin coughed into his hand at her glare and then waved at her to go on. If her glare were to get any colder, Ozpin would be hibernated on the spot. "Please, by all means, continue."

"Offering a group of reporters a free tour and a one week paid permanence in Beacon to show them how our students actually live and act."

"We want to clear their names, Glynda, not prove the media right."

"Blacklisting Team CRDS while deceiving the people into thinking they are the incriminated students."

"I'll add it to the list of possible choices."

"Organizing a fake terrorist attack."

"Another addition."

"Break a highly dangerous criminal out of prison."

"Let's keep this as Plan B."

"That's all, sir." Goodwitch patted the pile of papers. "Now, these are the complaints from the people of Vale. Before you despair, sir, I already had Oobleck answer to them and sign them with your name."

"You truly are a godsend," sighed the man. Then he looked down at the short list he'd made. "So, suicide mission against Atlas, blacklisting CRDS, terrorist attack or prison breakout."

"Please, sir, do not lose that list," implored the woman. "We don't need people knowing what exactly we do for our favourite students."

Ozpin waved a hand in the air. "The people don't understand how important the Silver Eyed warriors are to the world. And now we have two half-Silver Eyes in our school. One Silver Eye is enough to activate the power, which means we have two new future additions to our group. We need to protect them from those story-hungry media at all costs."

"Holy words, sir, especially when one of those Silver Eyes is my nephew," nodded the Deputy Headmistress.

"I have only one question though… why Team CRDS?" asked the ancient mage. "I know they are not the most kind-hearted of people, but they are not the worst we have in our academy at the moment."

Goodwitch huffed. "Mr Winchester thought it was a good idea to blackmail Mr Arc Rose Xiao Long."

"May he rest in peace."

"Not if I have a say in it."

/-/

"We will continue our report on the possible terrorist in Vale at a later date. In other recent news, the infamous criminal Jennifer Vandal has escaped prison. This woman has been imprisoned for several crimes of-"

The TV was turned off.

Cinder began to pace in the hotel room she currently shared with her lackeys. An anonymous call to the police warning there will soon be a terrorist attack, and a jailbreak. That was going to be a minor problem for Torchwick and Taurus. Not for her, of course, nothing was a problem for her, but those two poor fools had no idea how to do their jobs as it was, she knew they'd have a hard time also hiding from the police.

It was frustrating how close they'd been to moving onto phase two…

Of course a prison breakout had to happen just when everyone's attention was focused on the Beacon students and away from her group. Of all the damn times for something like that to happen, that had to be the worst. Now the police would be more alert than ever, which would make it harder for her plans to work. And if that wasn't enough, someone had snitched to the cops that a terrorist attack might happen, which meant everyone would be prepared for her terrorist attack. Had Ozpin uncovered her plans? Did he know what was coming? The man had given Salem trouble for millennia, maybe he'd somehow found out her plans and was preparing his countermeasures.

Cinder Fall exhaled slowly. It didn't matter in the end. Her plans were too perfect to be ruined by anyone. She could deal with anything Fate threw her way, because she knew it was her destiny to rule over the entire world as undisputed queen and supreme goddess of… well, everything. She deserved nothing less, and she was ready to see Remnant burn if that was what it took.

She was invincible, and nothing could stop her.

"Ember Autumn killed. Loading level 34. Good luck!"

Now, if Mercury could just stop playing that blasted game…

/-/

"…thank you again, love you too, yes, yes we'll try, no promises, yes, thank you, see you." Jaune Arc Rose Xiao Long closed the call and sighed. "Okay, one good, one very good and one bad news. Good news, Ruby, is that Aunt Glynda took care of Cardin. Very good news is that they've apparently managed to take the media's attentions off of us for the time being." And instant, loud cheer rose from his teammates at that. "Bad news, we are under house arrest, unable to go to Vale, and they are pondering whether we should attend the Vytal Festival at all."

"What?!" The happy mood vanished in an instant, falling into a shocked anger. "Why?! We've just been framed!"

"Actually, I can see why they would do that," Sky replied, ignoring Yang's glare, a feat not many were capable of. "I mean, we have broken some laws one way or the other. Even though their accusations are false, it wouldn't take much for them to investigate and find out some real dirt on us."

"Yeah, but locking us in Beacon like this is just going to make things worse," reasoned Blake, putting down her book. "It'll make us look like criminals. Innocents don't run."

"They run when people are pointing guns at them," retorted Sky. "Seriously, who ever said that? It's just stupid. People run when they feel threatened, innocent or not."

"Quoting my aunt word by word, we need to stay here to 'prevent the media from realizing their accusations are actually true'," intervened Jaune, waving his hands to get everyone's attention. "But it's just for a few days, maybe weeks. If we are on our best behaviour, I'm sure they'll allow us to participate in the tournament. And as for Vale, we don't need to go there. Beacon's huge, we won't feel claustrophobic."

"It's not that, Jaune, we've gone a week without visiting Vale before and we can do it again," stated Blake. "It's the fact that we're being punished for something the media made up. It's unfair, and as Hunters in training it should be our job to fight injustice."

"Look, I'm not saying I don't agree with you, I'm just saying that's what my aunt wants us to do because that's what she thinks it's best for everyone." No one seemed to be really convinced. "It's the best course of action. She's helping us solve this mess, the least we can do is at least stick to what she tells us to do."

"I think Jaune is right," Ruby spoke up, earning an incredulous look from her sister. "I don't want to stay here and do nothing, but I want even less to make Goodwitch angry. Besides, we're just gonna use this time to prepare ourselves, right?"

"I agree on the not making Goodwitch angry part, less so on the preparations. We can't let Torchwick get away so easily," replied Blake, standing up from her bed to look out of the window. "He is out there, spreading his evil, ruining lives. We must do something."

Just then, a stray ray of sunlight pierced the thick layer of clouds, bathing her in a righteous, white glow.

Jaune deadpanned at her. That had been quoted word by word by Ninjas of Love XXVI, Ruining the Rectum, and that was one of his sister's worst volumes. Who could even invent a virus that made people want to sodomize each other, and still be the hero of the story? More importantly, what kind of illness needed a very thorough sodomy to be cured?

He considered himself lucky he didn't know the answer.

Apparently, Blake had found the words that had led to the creation of said anal-sex virus very inspiring. Weird girl.

"Blake, you heard Jaune. We do something, Goodwitch kills us. We have to think this through very carefully. It's not everyday you get into a mess such as this," Sky argued, ruining Blake's glorious moment.

"Why are you being such a killjoy, are we supposed to just stay here and get bored for a week?" complained Yang, rolling her eyes.

"No, we're supposed to act like normal students for a change," he countered snappily. "Just following the lessons, doing our homework, and spending our free time with our friends or our hobbies. Is that so hard for you guys?"

A bout of silence was his only answer.

It was a great dilemma. To do or not to do? That was the problem. They had no freaking idea what to do or not to do, which was the bigger problem. And Torchwick seemed to know perfectly well what he wanted to do, which was the biggest problem.

"Look, it's not so bad after all, we can still do other things," the boy continued, trying to cheer them up. "The Beacon Dance is basically behind the corner, we can help organize it. That'll help our reputation, guys, a lot."

"Right, let's take care of a stupid ball while the wellbeing of all Vale might be at stake," Blake snapped sarcastically, grumpy about her inspirational speech not having had any effect. "We should be hunting down Torchwick. If it were up to me, I'd work all day and night to try and find him until he's behind bars."

"Thank the Gods it's not up to you then," he snorted back. "We are just trainees. We should just be enjoying our time at Beacon, worrying about exams and getting a date to the dance, and dreaming about what we'll do once we graduate."

"Boring," Yang commented bluntly. "We should be turning this lame ball into some great party. If we really can't go after Torchwick any longer, at least we can have some fun here in Beacon, am I right?"

"Listen guys, I for one don't want to disobey Aunt Glynda's direct orders, because she might ground us until our graduation." Jaune drummed his fingers on the surface of a desk before sighing. "I know it's frustrating but sometimes being a Hunter is also listening to skilled, more experienced Hunters when they tell you to stay put. I trust my aunt's judgement. If she says it'd be best for everyone if we lay low for a while, I side with her. Though Yang's not wrong, we can still have fun here."

"Fun? It's not about fun, it's about saving the world from the taint of evil!" Blake exclaimed, outraged.

"Blake, are you even listening to what you say?" Sky shouted back. "You sound like some cheesy hero in a book!"

'Ninjas of Love Volume XI, Cult of Creampies,' Jaune added in his head. Chapter twenty-one, page two-hundreds fifty one, second paragraph from the top, to be exact, when the heroes of Anal Ridge were taking one last stand against the Cultists. 'This is getting out of hand…'

"Can we please calm down?" Ruby chided in, her small voice somehow managing to dissolve the argument before it even began. Maybe it was because no one wanted to shout at such an adorable girl. Maybe it was because yelling at Ruby would only end in punches from Yang. Whatever the reason, Sky and Blake stopped glaring at each other and turned to look at her. "I think you're all right. We have to do something, but right now we can't. This doesn't mean we won't do it in the future. We can't disobey Professor Goodwitch, especially not now that she's probably watching us very carefully. And Sky is right, there's still lots of stuff we can do it here, fun or no fun. We can plan what we'll do in the future for once. Improvisation is only a last resort method, a true strategist never goes anywhere without a plan and a backup plan."

"The Strategist 101, isn't it?" Sky asked with a cocked eyebrow.

Ruby blushed. "It's a good book…"

"It's literally ten pages of one-line sentences about strategists."

"Anyway! I think we should not go anywhere for the time being." Ruby hurried to continue to avoid any further embarrassment.

"Besides, if we volunteer to organize the dance, I'm sure Aunt Glynda will surely give us the responsibility, at the very least to keep us out of trouble." Jaune snapped his fingers as he got an idea. "We could also, finally, start that accelerated training course you promised me halfway through the third week of the year!"

"So eager to be beaten into the ground, huh, little brother?" Yang grinned mischievously.

"Again with the little brother thing," sighed the poor poor boy. "No one signed any adoption, Yang, no one. I'm just Jaune Arc. Not Arc Rose Xiao Long, okay?"

"Well, Jaune, didn't you say you were training with your aunt?" asked Ruby, a little confused. It wasn't because she was sure she'd be a terrible teacher and didn't want to accidentally kill Jaune during training, of course not, it was mere curiosity.

"Yes, but it's mainly Aura or Dust stuff, or about my Semblance. She almost never fights with weapons or martial arts, she just blasts everything with her Telekinesis, so she's not the best to teach me how to actually fight," he explained quickly, looking around as if fearing his aunt would pop out of the wardrobe and scold him for saying she couldn't fight. "You guys are all gung-ho about fighting… even though three of you often use their Semblances. Besides, you are the perfect ones to teach me. Sky can help me with Cauchemar's pike mode, Ruby with the scythe and the impossibly-placed guns, Yang with the katara and basic hand-to-hand, and Blake with the sword!"

'He's asking me to help him train with his sword? Very generous…' Blake mentally purred before examining the boy and losing her interest. 'He's not my type though. I prefer them Faunus.'

"What about the shield?" asked Sky. "Are you gonna ask Pyrrha?"

"Nah, how hard can using a shield be?" he shrugged nonchalantly. "You just put it between you and death and hope it works."

"You could learn how to throw it like a Frisbee," offered Yang.

"Or maybe we could add some gears to make the edge spin so it would become an awesome chainsaw shield!" Ruby exclaimed, all but gushing over it.

"No! No more Jaune-killing additions until I know how not to die when wielding it as it is," Jaune protested, making the crimsonette pout. "I don't need to throw it or to attack with it, okay? I need it to protect myself, no more. End of the story."

Said weapon was a… delicate object. One, it was made by Ruby, which made it instantly deadly no matter what form it currently was it. If Ruby were to craft a spoon, Jaune would be ready to believe it could eviscerate Grimm by waving it in front of them. Secondly, it was a very complex weapon. It could turn into a katara, a bastard sword, a pike, a bow and a scythe. Five forms. It also had not one, but three guns in it, which were definitely overkill if one were to ask him. Thirdly, it had been his weapon for only a few weeks, which meant that while he was familiar with it, he was nowhere near mastering it. Fourthly and finally, it was wielded by one of the biggest masters of the holy art of clumsiness that existed on Remnant, which meant he was more likely to kill himself than anything or anyone within reach.

He had to learn how to use it, but unfortunately not everyone was so keen on risking their heads to help him.

"But what about Torchwick?" asked Blake. "Are we just gonna let this go, like water flowing under the bridge of negligence, without doing anything to stop his evil?"

'Ninjas of Love Volume XLVII, Dick Day,' his scarred brain supplied him with. Chapter four, page thirty, third paragraph from the top. The noble Pussycat Faunus princess while she inspired her close group of female friends to fight evil in their birth outfit.

Why couldn't he just forget what that blasted sister of his put in her godforsaken books?

"I'm sure Ozpin and Goodwitch are doing something about it," Sky reassured her.

/-/

"Rook in F-6," Ozpin stated as he moved his right Rook, before he looked back at his computer and cleared his throat. "This one says "Hello, Professor Ozpin," blah blah blah, "due to new information we've recently acquired," blah blah blah, oh, here, "we decided it might be better for the Beacon students to start wearing trackers, so for them to be always controlled." Blah blah blah, regards and goodbye."

"The Council didn't take well what happened at that interview, or after it, I imagine," commented Goodwitch, picking up her Knight and moving it two ahead and one to the right. "Knight in B-4."

"Rook in H-6." Ozpin moved that same Rook another two spaces. "I think I'll reply like this: "Greetings, honourable Councilmen," blah blah blah some pleasantries, "while I would love nothing more than to keep track of all my students at all times like instructed in the Stalker 101, all their Scrolls already have a tracking and GPS function. However, most students either turn it off, or hack it in order to be untraceable. My students are not morons," though that is a bold-faced lie, blah blah blah, "But if you think you can do a better job than me at keeping hormonal teenagers gifted with superpowers and the skills to use them, please, I'd be happy to leave the position of Headmaster of Beacon Academy to you." Regards, blah blah blah. Is it too snappy?"

"I think it's a bit too snappy, but you can play it off as being overworked and stressed because of the media," suggested the woman, using her Bishop to capture Ozpin's Pawn. "Bishop in B-2."

"Which would be too far from the truth anyway," nodded the man, signing and then sending the message. Then he moved his King to the left. "King in A-7."

"Queen in B-5," Goodwitch smiled as she moved the powerful piece up the chessboard, placing it just a tad too far from the King for a check.

"Oh, listen to this one. "The news are right hunters are just monsters in disguise who want to rule the world and think they are above the law and the people and don't care about anything but themselves money and power they should all be exterminated as it'd be much better if the Grimm were to rule at least they don't try to deceive people into thinking they are heroes while they are just a bunch of murderers thieves and monsters. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you so very much Ozpin."." Ozpin chuckled at the poor grammar and the evident idiocy of whoever wrote it. "Another cultist who thinks the Grimm would spare humanity because they are just misunderstood… it kinda reminds me of Ms Belladonna's opinion of the White Fang."

"But the White Fang aren't soulless monsters whose only goal in life is to wipe out the entirety of humanity off the face of the planet," she pointed out.

"Remove the 'soulless monsters' and replaced it with 'fanatical idiots' and you'll have a description that fits a good slice of that organization," he replied evenly, tapping away at his computer. "Oh, James seems to be coming for the dance. He asks if you are still without a date."

"Ozpin, you're gonna be my date for the dance."

"I shall inform James that, unfortunately, we had no foreseen his choice to arrive here early and thus we chose to formally go to the dance together to be able to keep an eye on the students while also enjoying some dances," nodded the man, and she nodded back in confirmation to the lie… which wasn't a total lie, but whatever. "Should I lessen the blow somehow?"

"Tell him a blew him off and I wish he could just have a seizure or whatever his metal-filled brain is capable of having," she spat harshly. "If he were to ask me for a dance…"

"You're gonna dance with him even if just to keep up appearances," replied Ozpin. "The world doesn't need to know what happened between you two. I don't need to be dragged into your little drama. So you will dance with him, then beat him senseless once the dance is over. Is that clear?"

Goodwitch sighed and nodded dejectedly. "Yes sir."

"Good. Oh, and by the way… Rook in H-8. Checkmate."

I told you the curse of the Ninjas of Love wasn't over! Haha! The perversion won't be stopped so easily! Blake has memorized all those books... and unfortunately for him, so has Jaune.