Chapter Sixteen
It was well past midnight when Setsuna heard a sound come from Hotaru's window. She watched from the shadows around Hotaru's bed as the younger woman climbed over the windowsill. Silvered in the pale, tremulous light of the moon, Hotaru was dressed in her senshi uniform and Setsuna remained silent as she stumbled clumsily toward the bathroom.
"Hotaru."
The younger woman's name had scarcely left her lips, before Setunsa found herself staring down the pitch black length of the Silence Glaive. Were the situation any different, she'd almost have found the turn of events amusing. Clearly, she thought, a ghost of a smile on her lips, it was not prudent to surprise the wielder of one of the most powerful weapons in the solar system.
Her amusement did not last long as two things came to her attention. The first was the tremor that ran through the glaive, or rather the arms that held it. The second was the look on Hotaru's face, the expression revealed by the shallow light that filtered underneath the bedroom door.
Pain.
It was there, so clear in the almost-glitter of tears in Hotaru's eyes, that Setsuna almost wept herself. Wordlessly, she took the shaft of the Silence Glaive in one hand – how visibly Hotaru trembled as she did this – and nudged the weapon aside. There was no doubt in her mind now that even though the person in front of her wore the uniform of Sailor Saturn, it was Hotaru and not Saturn. Even at the end, Saturn would never have allowed her to see such weakness.
Before Hotaru could retreat, and given the look of near panic in her eyes, it was definitely a possibility, Setsuna tugged the younger woman down onto the bed beside her. Hotaru gave a small cry of shock and then stilled instantly as Setsuna wrapped her arms around her. The Silence Glaive slipped from suddenly numb fingers and clattered to the ground. It vanished a moment later, but not before it left a long, straight cut along the floor.
Setsuna met Hotaru's gaze and then, with a gentle shake of her head, put one finger against Hotaru's lips.
"Shhh."
That seemed to break something inside Hotaru, for suddenly her arms were wrapped around Setsuna's middle and her head was pressed against Setsuna's chest. A soft sigh left Setsuna's lips as she held Hotaru. The younger woman trembled and whimpered and made quiet, barely audible sounds of suffering. Yet there were no tears. It was almost like Hotaru refused to let herself cry. Instead, Hotaru only clung tighter and tighter as though Setsuna was her only anchor in a world that no longer made any sense.
"It's alright," Setsuna murmured absently as she ran one hand through Hotaru's hair. There would time to ask questions later, time to wonder just why Hotaru had snuck in and why, even as Setsuna began to rock her gently back and forth, she remained in her senshi uniform.
Finally, Setsuna eased Hotaru up on to her feet and led her into the bathroom. "Hotaru," she said softly as she watched her for any signs of distress. "I need you transform out of your senshi uniform."
Still latched around Setsuna's waist, Hotaru shook her head. "No. I won't. You'll hate me."
Setsuna loosened Hotaru's grip slightly and tilted the younger woman's chin up. She was glad now that she hadn't succumbed to the urge to drown herself in liquor after she'd come home to find Hotaru missing. "I have never hated you, Hotaru, and I never will. I mean that." She paused and then added quietly, "I never hated Saturn either, you know. So please, even if I'm not sure that I deserve it after how I've handled things so far, please just trust me and transform back. I will not hate you."
Hesitantly, Hotaru reversed her transformation and even though she'd braced herself, Setsuna could still only barely suppress a gasp. Hotaru's clothes were practically shredded and through the tattered garments she could make out dozens of cuts and bruises. That the injuries still looked this bad despite what must have been hours under the healing influence of her transformation made her want to retch. Just how bad had they been to begin with?
Yet that was not the worst of it. No, that would be the blood. It was all over Hotaru, and no small amount of it was even splattered in her hair. Setsuna closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she opened them again. Hotaru's forearms were covered in dried blood, a lurid, ugly brown-red, and her hands were almost completely covered in the stuff. The younger woman had somehow torn almost all of the skin off her knuckles. Setsuna swallowed thickly. Some of the blood was undoubtedly Hotaru's, but there was just too much for it all to belong to her. That of course, made Setsuna wonder just who the rest of it belonged to. However such questions would have to wait. Right now, there were other, more pressing matters to attend to.
"Alright," Setsuna said as she once again met Hotaru's violet gaze. "I won't ask you what happened. I'm going to do what I should have done from the start. I'm going to trust you and if you want to tell me then you can. Okay?"
Hotaru nodded silently.
"Good, now take off your clothes. We need to get you cleaned up."
Hotaru gaped at Setsuna and squawked incoherently as a deep blush spread across her features. Setsuna welcomed the expression and gave silent thanks to the centuries of practice that let her say such things with a completely straight face. If Hotaru could still blush, she wasn't completely broken, at least, not yet.
"Hotaru you're not in any condition to look after yourself." That much was true. Setsuna was sure that without her hands around her, Hotaru would already have collapsed. "You know that I can't leave you as you are. Just take off your shirt and pants, okay?" Besides, Setsuna added mentally, this wouldn't be the first time she'd had to clean Sailor Saturn up after she'd gotten into a fight. Just thinking about the last time that Saturn had been too injured to look after herself sent a chill through her.
Cheeks still a rosy pink, Hotaru feebly tried to undo the buttons of her shirt. Setsuna bit her lip as she watched the younger woman's trembling hands make a mess of what would normally be a trivially easy task. Finally, Hotaru looked up at her, eyes wide and bright and deeply ashamed.
"I… I can't… I mean…" Hotaru lowered her head. "Can you help me?"
Setsuna nodded gently and reached forward to undo the buttons herself. With each button that came undone, she felt the tremors that ran through Hotaru grow stronger. By the time she pulled the tattered garment away, Hotaru could scarcely stand.
"Hotaru, I need you to stand up a moment longer and then you can sit down, okay? But first you need to take off your pants."
Hotaru nodded and Setsuna could see that by now the younger woman was too tired to be embarrassed. As soon as Hotaru's pants were off, Setsuna led her to a stool beside the furo (A/N: A furo is a Japanese style bath). Setsuna paused for a moment and then began to remove some of her own clothing. Hotaru was in no state to bathe herself and Setsuna had no desire to soak her own clothing. As she took off her shirt and put it to one side, Setsuna studied Hotaru out of the corner of her eye.
It was strange, really, that despite the differences in lifestyle, Hotaru was a spitting image of Saturn. True, she wasn't quite as tall and her body didn't yet have the same level of toned, lethal grace to it, but she was still a teenager, albeit nearly at the end of that phase, whereas Saturn had been a woman in her prime. A sad smile crossed her face. Hotaru had a few years of growing yet to catch up to Saturn, and Setsuna was determined to make sure she got them.
Setsuna looked around for a bucket. There was one in the furo and she filled it with warm water before she began what promised to be the long process of cleaning Hotaru off. The first thing she did was to pour some of the water over Hotaru's head. The water cascaded over the younger woman's head and splashed down onto the tiles of the bathroom floor.
For a few moments the only sounds in the bathroom were the gurgle of the drain and the chatter of Hotaru's teeth despite the warmth of the water. As the water dripped down off Hotaru's body, it formed into little pink rivers that trickled toward the drain. Silently, Setsuna poured some more water over Hotaru's head.
Slowly, the blood caked onto Hotaru's hair and face began to fall away and Setsuna breathed a sigh of relief. Hotaru would feel much better once it was gone. Having blood on your face could make you feel monstrous and inhuman and right now, Hotaru desperately needed to feel human. Gently taking a small towel in one hand, Setsuna dipped it into the bucket and then ran it along the curves and planes of Hotaru's face. She started with the purple-haired woman's forehead and made her way down along across the bridge of her nose. Hotaru's eyes fluttered shut as Setsuna swept the towel across her cheeks in small circular motions before she moved on to her brow and then finally her chin and lips.
More than once Setsuna felt Hotaru tremble beneath her touch as she pressed perhaps a fraction too strongly on a bruise or cut. The warm water drew a ragged hiss from Hotaru as she dabbed at one particularly nasty graze along her forehead. Setsuna made a quiet sound of apology and comfort and eased her feather-light touch still lighter. Throughout it all, Hotaru's eyes remained shut and were it not for the occasional faint hitch in her breathing, Setsuna might almost have thought she was asleep.
Once she'd cleaned off Hotaru's face, she began the task of cleaning off the rest of her. Realising just how tense the other woman still was, Setsuna decided to deal with Hotaru's arms and hands next. She started with the shoulders and worked her way down from there. Hotaru let out a whimper as she ran the towel along one shoulder and Setsuna had to bit back a snarl as she took in the large purple bruise that marred the normally pristine flesh. Softly, she ran her fingers along Hotaru's shoulder checking to see if the joint was broken, but thankfully it seemed to be intact.
Hotaru's arms were easier to clean, and were it not for the fact that she had to stop to refill the bucket, Setsuna probably would have had them finished in mere moments. Yet as Setsuna reached for Hotaru's hands, the violet-eyed woman flinched away and pressed them to her body.
"Hotaru, I need to clean your hands." Hotaru shook her head and clutched her hands closer to her sides and Setsuna felt her heart clench at seeing the young woman she'd helped raise reduced to such a state. "Please, Hotaru."
Slowly, Hotaru extended her left hand and with a gentleness and reverence that surprised her, Setsuna took it and cradled it in one of her own. It was strange, it seemed like only yesterday she'd been holding this same hand through walks in the park and now their hands were almost the same size. Another memory, one of Saturn, came unbidden. These same hands striking with incredible force and accuracy, these same hands tearing through flesh and steel like paper.
Setsuna shook the memory away and ran the small towel along the back of Hotaru's hands. She moved the towel in small circles and little by little the blood came away. There was a lot of it. Shifting her grip slightly, she rubbed the towel along Hotaru's palm, careful to follow the shallow lines and folds that creased it. The fingers were next, each one long and slender yet with a subtle strength. She cleaned each finger and the gaps between them as gently as she could, but even the lightest of touches couldn't stop some of the water from the towel from slipping down onto the raw skin of Hotaru's knuckles. Each drop drew a small, sharp gasp from Hotaru and Setsuna again murmured an apology.
The ends of the fingers were next and Setsuna dabbed gently at first the pads of the fingers before she began to work the dried blood out from under Hotaru's fingernails. Looking up for the first time in a while, she was surprised to see that Hotaru was watching her with an unreadable expression. Hotaru probably expected her to show disgust or horror, but Setsuna merely smiled softly and began the final step of cleaning Hotaru's left hand. She worked the small towel as gently as she could over the raw flesh of Hotaru's knuckles and she had to pause to wring the towel out several times, there was that much blood there. Once she was done, she probed the hand gently, pushing and pulling it in different directions. She nodded, satisfied. Despite the bruising and the obvious pain that Hotaru was in, the hand didn't seem to be broken. Setsuna knew very well just how easy it was to break a hand hitting someone.
Setsuna looked up again and Hotaru's expression was still the same. That wouldn't do. A small smile worked its way across her face as she remembered something she used to do for Hotaru. When Hotaru had been young, she'd usually gone to Michiru for care if she hurt herself. The aqua-haired woman had treated each wound, no matter how small or innocuous, with the appropriate level of motherly concern and after administering whatever aid was required, she'd always kissed it better. The little kiss at the end, Setsuna thought, had always done more good than any bandaid or bandage.
Naturally, that left their little family in something of a bind when Michiru was away. For all that Haruka loved Hotaru, she had chosen to adopt a much more fatherly outlook. And fathers did not kiss things better. So when Michiru was away, it was up to Setsuna to kiss things better. True, she might have felt silly doing it, and no six year old had ever died of a skinned knee, but she'd never had the heart to refuse Hotaru anything.
Feeling as silly as ever, Setsuna ran her lips over Hotaru's knuckles. Hotaru stiffened in surprise at the faint, ghost-like touch, but then she smiled and Setsuna knew that no matter how silly she looked, it was still worth it.
"Come on," Setsuna whispered. "Give me your other hand."
Setsuna did Hotaru's right hand in much the same manner as the left. She was a little surprised to find that the damage was almost identical across both hands. It seemed that Saturn's ambidexterity was something that had begun to cross over to Hotaru, as well. The rest of Hotaru's body followed in short order, but not without some awkwardness, first when Setsuna had to remove the younger woman's bra and then again when she had to remove her underwear.
As Setsuna ran the small towel over Hotaru's body, she felt the burning feeling in the back of her throat grow stronger. Each bruise, each cut, each graze was another hammer blow on her conscience. In no small way, she was responsible for what had happened to Hotaru. If she had foreseen things, or even handled them better when they first began, Hotaru would never have suffered as she had. Still, that was the past, and Setsuna of all people understood the danger of dwelling on the past. All that she could do now was help Hotaru and as the tension finally began to ease from the younger woman's frame, she finally began to relax, as well.
Hotaru made a quiet sound of protest when Setsuna rose, but Setsuna waved it off. "We need to fix your hair. I'm just going to get the shampoo and conditioner."
It was a little surreal, actually, shampooing Hotaru's hair with the bathroom tiles stained a light pink, but the normalcy of the act was something that they both sorely needed. She massaged the shampoo into the younger woman's hair and then washed it out, before she put in the conditioner. She left the conditioner in for a few moments and watched the bubbles from the shampoo crawl across the blood-tinged floor. Later, when Hotaru was asleep or otherwise occupied, she'd have to come back with bleach. Blood had a way of sticking.
Finally, she rinsed the conditioner out and she heard a whisper of a sigh escape Hotaru's lips as the scent of lilacs filled the air from the shampoo and conditioner. Hotaru had liked lilacs for as long as she could remember, and unbeknownst to the young woman, it was something that she shared with Saturn. Setsuna savoured the scent for another heartbeat and then moved to start the furo. She filled it with hot water and eased Hotaru into it as gently as she could. As the young woman reclined, eyes closed, in the furo, Setsuna quickly cleaned herself before she joined Hotaru in the furo.
Hotaru immediately opened her mouth to speak, but again Setsuna stopped her. "Don't feel that you have to speak just yet." She closed her eyes and leaned back against the edge of the furo. "Take a few moments to relax and gather your thoughts. Then, if you want, you can tell me what happened."
A few moments stretched into a few minutes and Setsuna found herself beginning to slip off. It was only when she was on the cusp of sleep, lulled by the pleasant heat of the water and the rhythmic cadence of their breathing, that Hotaru began to talk. Setsuna could feel the weight of Hotaru's gaze upon her, but let own eyes remained closed. She was certain that opening them would only make it harder for Hotaru to tell her story. Besides, it wasn't like she needed to see Hotaru to read the younger woman's emotions. They were there in every word that the other woman spoke, in each uncomfortable pause and hitch of breath. It was hard enough for Hotaru to bare herself emotionally and psychologically. Setsuna felt no need to make it even harder for her by staring at her the whole time, as well.
Hotaru told her everything. She started with what happened on the train and Setsuna felt the dull ache in her chest blossom into agony as Hotaru described in an almost mechanical voice, the beating that she'd endured. Nausea welled up again when Hotaru shared first her opponent's and then Saturn's words. And though Setsuna kept her face calm, she died a little on the inside when Hotaru gave her a full, bloody account of what she'd done to her opponent.
Beneath the water, Setsuna felt her hands twitch and then clench into fists. She knew what it was like to hit someone until her knuckles were raw and bleeding and she knew that Saturn had done even more brutal things. She had always hoped that Hotaru would never know what such things felt like. A futile hope, perhaps, but one she would have given almost anything for.
At last Hotaru was finished and Setsuna opened her eyes slowly. Hotaru was on the verge of tears and was fighting hard to keep them at bay. Once again guilt and self-loathing tugged at Setsuna's resolve. Frankly, she didn't care if Hotaru bawled her eyes out. It would have been far worse if Hotaru had felt nothing at all.
"You're wondering if I hate you, aren't you?" Setsuna murmured. The water was hot and she wondered if perhaps she hadn't been in the furo for too long. She felt light, drowsy, almost drunk. "You shouldn't worry. I don't hate you."
She watched as Hotaru searched her eyes for some evidence of a lie. That Hotaru felt the need to actually check pained her, but Setsuna was confident that the younger woman wouldn't see anything but the truth. She really didn't hate her. A moment later, apparently satisfied, Hotaru sagged with relief.
Setsuna ran one hand through the water and watched the ripples spread as she wondered whether or not she should say anything else. A memory from another time came to mind and she smiled sadly. She'd had a similar conversation with Saturn once.
"It's a little unfair, isn't it, how I seem to know so much about your past but you know almost nothing of mine." Setsuna closed her eyes and leaned back. She let the darkness behind her closed eyelids take her back to another time and place. "I wasn't always Pluto, you know. There was someone else before me."
"Setsuna, why are you telling me this?" Hotaru asked in a whisper.
"I don't know. Perhaps I just want you to understand. It's been such a long time since anyone has known about my past and I suppose you've a right to it, in a way." Setsuna swallowed thickly and wished that she had something to stop the burning in the back of her throat. "During the Lunar Empire, senshi usually trained their successors. Because senshi tended to be members of the royal family, this meant that most senshi were trained either by their mother or by an aunt. Pluto was a little different.
"I was seven years old when the old Pluto came and told me that I would be her successor. I was a princess, but the youngest of four, so my selection came as something of a surprise." Setsuna paused and chuckled softly. "I was stupid, you know. I thought that my life was perfect. Back then Pluto was left largely to its own devices, our loyalty to the Moon unquestioned. We were a long-lived people and we were wise enough to see that fighting the Lunar Empire would only lead to our destruction. Instead we played along and manoeuvred our way into a position of trust. As the youngest daughter no one expected anything of me. All I had to do was smile and look pretty every now and then and aside from that I could do whatever I wanted. If I wanted to play with dolls, I could do that. If I wanted to learn how to ride a horse, I could do that. Whatever I wanted, whatever I desired, I could have. I was only seven, but I thought that my life would never change. That it would always be perfect.
"But all of that changed when I was chosen to be the next Pluto. Being Pluto means being more than just another senshi. You live a very, very long time and so you don't just watch over the Gates of Time, you have to guide generation after generation of senshi. You also have to serve as one the Empress' highest-ranking advisors. It is, needless to say, a stressful position." Setsuna gave a hollow, slightly hysterical laugh. "I don't think a Pluto has ever retired. We've all either died in battle, gone insane, or committed suicide. It's actually rather depressing. It's almost like each Pluto just trains a replacement and then goes looking for death."
Hotaru said nothing, but Setsuna could read the question in her eyes. Would she be any different?
"I told you, didn't I, how most senshi were trained either by their mother or by an aunt? That might seem a little odd, but it was good, in a way. Training for senshi was… brutal, to put it lightly. At least a mother or an aunt usually understood and cared for the senshi in training enough to know when to push and when to pull back." Setsuna's eyes gleamed bloody crimson. "The Pluto who taught me was my great, great grandmother. I'd never met her before and as far as I knew, she'd never met me until the day she marched in and proclaimed me as her successor. It didn't take long for me to realise that she didn't see me as family. I was nothing more than her successor, her way out of centuries of service.
"She took me from the palace to her own quarters just outside the capital city. Training wasn't just about physical combat. I had to know about science, art, literature, diplomacy, and so many other things I'd never even considered until then. She told me that a Pluto had to be perfect. A Pluto had to be able to manipulate others with ease but resist being manipulated in turn. A Pluto had to be strong enough to guide the senshi as required and wise enough to advise Serenity. Above all, a Pluto had to be able to project utmost loyalty to the Empire while retaining loyalty only to herself and her planet. I was with her for fourteen years and the only times she ever let me interact with anyone else were to see if I'd learned my lessons properly. Failure, as you can imagine, was not tolerated lightly and I think those days broke something in me that I've never been able to piece back together.
"At the end of the fourteenth year I found out that a Pluto usually has fifty years to learn her post. That might sound like a lot, but fifty years was nothing for a Plutonian, and certainly not very long for the next Sailor Pluto. When I found out, I confronted her and do you know what she did? She laughed in my face. She called me a prodigy and told me to hurry up because she was sick and tired of being Pluto." Setsuna stared down at her hands. They were clean, too clean. "Fourteen years I'd suffered, fourteen years away from my family and friends because she was too stupid and selfish to do things right. I'd never hated anyone or anything more in my life. I hit her, Hotaru, and she let me and so I kept right on hitting her. I think I laughed the whole time. Finally, she must have gotten sick of it, because she threw me off and then knocked me out. When I came to, I found out that it was too late. She'd gone off and gotten herself killed. Death was her only out and with me all but ready to take over, she wasn't the least bit ashamed to take it."
Setsuna stopped as Hotaru reached out and squeezed her hand. It was a small thing, the tiniest of gestures really, but Setsuna was inordinately grateful for it. She squeezed back.
"After that I became Pluto. And as long-lived as my family was, I watched them die. My parents died first and then my siblings and each time a little bit of my heart died with them. After that, my nieces and nephews died and then their children after them. Somewhere along the line I just stopped caring. They weren't my family anymore, just the last lingering shadows of people I had loved. I began to understand why the old Pluto had done what she had done. And so I began to wait for the next Pluto to arrive." Setsuna smiled bitterly. "I even worked out a way to get my successor trained in only ten years.
"But then when the moment came, I couldn't do it. I strode into the palace and I looked into the eyes of the girl who was supposed to succeed me. I saw a girl who'd never known anything but decency and love, a girl who could be anything she put her mind to." Something close to a sob worked its way past Setsuna's lips. "I saw myself and I couldn't do it. I left the palace alone and I've been the senshi of Pluto ever since."
Setsuna drew in a ragged breath. "Apart from Saturn, I think the only one who ever understood was Serenity. The Empress lived a long time and the two of us must have seen several centuries worth of senshi go by. Still, she died, and so I served her daughter instead. It was her daughter who made me see just how monstrous the Lunar Empire was and even then there was so little I could do to change it. Instead all I had were centuries of guilt and loneliness and the understanding that anything I did would only make things worse. I think that's what finally broke my predecessor. It made me hate her even more for choosing me."
"Setsuna, why are you telling me this?" Hotaru asked.
Setsuna shrugged. "Like I said, I'm not sure, but there's something you need to understand." She let her gaze harden a fraction; let a bit of Pluto slip onto her features. "Sometimes there are no easy answers. My predecessor chose me because at least on some level she knew that I could bear the burden she would give me. A weak Pluto would have been disastrous and as much as I hate her, I can't say she made the wrong decision. After all, I'm still here, aren't I?" Setsuna sighed. "Sometimes all you can do is ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing and if the answer is good enough, maybe it doesn't matter if it's a little horrible. What that man said to you when he was beating you, Hotaru, if I'd been in your place and he threatened you, Haruka, and Michiru like that, I'd have killed him. Maybe not with my fists, but I'd have killed him all the same. There are things that can make monster out of any of us, Hotaru, any of us."
Hotaru nodded slowly, but her eyes were still uncertain. "But Usagi wouldn't have…"
"Trust me when I say this," Setsuna whispered. "But good people can do monstrous things and even monsters can do good. As I said, it's all about why. I've lived a long time and I've seen all sorts of things. Do you really think that if push came to shove, Usagi wouldn't kill to keep Mamoru safe? That she wouldn't kill if it meant keeping any of us safe." Setsuna shook her head. "Sometimes the only way we can fight monsters is to become, at least for a little while, monsters ourselves. Just remember, Hotaru, you aren't doing this alone. You shouldn't have to bear all of this on your own."
Slowly, Hotaru nodded and Setsuna let herself go limp. The urge to just sink beneath the water and drown was almost overwhelming. She sighed. Like it would be that easy. Besides, it was time to get out of the furo. The water was now only lukewarm at best. She helped Hotaru out of the bath and the two of them showered quickly. After that, she settled Hotaru into her bed and finally turned to leave. No doubt she would have a lot of explaining to do to Haruka and Michiru come morning.
However as she turned to go, Hotaru reached out and stopped her with one hand.
"Can you stay with me, at least, just for tonight?" Hotaru's voice was so very, very small. "I don't want to be alone."
Setsuna paused on the verge of refusal. She knew that come morning she would regret it, but still, she could not find it in her to refuse Hotaru. "Alright, but only for tonight." And with that she settled under the blankets beside the younger woman.
They stayed like that for a few minutes and Setsuna could feel Hotaru's eyes on her in the darkness. She rolled over and met the younger woman's gaze. There was another question there, another plea better left unspoken. Silently, she reached out and pulled Hotaru close, wrapping her arms around her. The sudden contact brought a quiet yelp from Hotaru, but she relaxed almost instantly. A few minutes later, Hotaru was asleep.
But sleep did not come so easily for Setsuna. She stayed awake for a long time thinking over Hotaru's words and her own. Part of her was disgusted at burdening the younger woman with her own grief, but strangely, she got the impression that it was the opposite. Hotaru had seemed slightly glad that she wasn't the only one with a dark past, as though their suffering was a secret that only the two of them shared. It was true, in a twisted sort of way that Haruka and Michiru would never be able to understand what a burden the past could be, at least not in the way that she and Hotaru did.
More disturbing still was the idea that there was a group out there that actually wanted Saturn to reawaken and that they were willing to use force to do so. They must need her for something, but what? And she didn't know what to make of the fact that the man who'd attacked Hotaru had worn what sounded like the uniform of the Saturnian Royal Guard. What a mess.
Against her side, Setsuna felt Hotaru shift and as the first, faint rays of the dawn trickled through the windows, Setsuna felt herself slip off into sleep. Her last thought brought a smile to her face. It was funny, how even after all the years that had passed Hotaru and Saturn's hair still smelled the same.
X X X
Author's Notes
As always, I neither own Sailor Moon, nor am I making a dime off this.
First of all, let me say that this was one of those chapters that I kind of liked and hated at the same time. It was, for one, very difficult to get right. Any chapter in which one character bathes another can go horribly wrong fairly easily and in fairly spectacular fashion. So I guess, the question is: why write it? Firstly, it was my way of (partially) resolving the mess that Hotaru found herself in after the fight on the train. It was also a way of showing Setsuna trying to deal with things in a more understanding way, because she definitely could have handled things better earlier on, and I think she's smart enough to realise that.
However, the main reason I wrote this scene is because like with many things, the guts of any relationship are in the details. Letting someone else bathe you and look after you is an incredibly intimate thing. That Hotaru is willing to let Setsuna do this for her is not a coincidence. This was also the reason I found this chapter difficult to write. It can be a lot harder to keep things interesting when there aren't gigantic space battles involved (see last chapter). Subtlety and understatement are important character development tools, but are often much harder to wield than shock and awe. Setsuna's past, or what little I've mentioned of it here, was another thing that was interesting to write. I've always wondered just what sort of upbringing could have produced someone who can, at times be really quite cold, and at others quite caring. Needless to say, the Lunar Empire was not a place where kittens and puppies frolicked in fields of daisies with rainbows in the background.
On another note, this update comes after around a fortnight. There are at least two reasons for that. First, as I mentioned last chapter, real life is now much busier. Still, I have been trying to make time to keep writing, because it is something that I enjoy. Second, my younger sister came back after a year overseas. We are quite close so there was much rejoicing and celebrating and not all that much writing going on.
Also, note that rather than have a translation note at the end about 'furo' I put it in the main body of the story. I felt that having it at the end would be awkward, given that a great deal of the chapter won't make much sense (or at the very least would be very confusing) if someone didn't know what a furo actually was.
As always, I appreciate your feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.