A few things. One, it's not my best work. I was inspired to write about an hour ago and this was what my brain pooped out.
Two, these two women are best friends that have feelings for each other but either don't realize it or won't give in to it. Keep in mind that Maura is very rational and Jane is pretty much emotionally spent, because you'll probably be frustrated by the end of this chapter.
Don't worry, I'll make up for it with the next one if my brain goes where it's thinking about going.
Enjoy!
The TV was on with the volume low, neither of the room's occupants moving as one waited for the other, who was trying to come up with something to say. Jane didn't know what had happened, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to avoid the topic, not with Maura. She wasn't even sure she wanted to avoid it, though she knew that whatever was said now would determine their relationship.
"If you don't want to speak, then perhaps I could ask you a few things?" Maura asked. She was tired of the silence, and part of her was aware that the longer she let Jane think about this the less likely she was going to get the full story. They were both good at bending the truth and revealing only what they wanted others to know.
"I'd rather we just forgot the whole thing," Jane grumbled, earning a glare. "Fine, sure, ask away."
Maura turned her body so she was sitting facing the detective. "You said you were upset about Friday. Why? And how did you know? I didn't even know until just before lunch, and we hadn't had a chance to speak that day."
Jane grunted. "Of course you bring that up." She got up to get another beer. "I drove to your place, hoping we could hang out like old times since I'd barely seen you all week." She stood in the kitchen and took a drink, but didn't walk back to the couch. "But I guess I got too cozy with the idea that we could go back to the way things were before, when you would at least send a text if you had a date because there was a good chance I could show up unannounced at any moment."
It was true, Maura knew that. "Is that why you were so upset? Because I wasn't alone and waiting for you?"
"Yes!" Jane hissed, before grimacing. "I mean, not that I expect you to... You've been back for a week, Maura. I hadn't expected… that. And it hurt to see him in your house when… when I wanted to see you."
"Jane…" Maura wanted to walk over to her friend, but she seemed to realize Jane wasn't done. And when a calm look that Maura thought might be from realization passed over her friend's features, curiosity held her tongue.
"God…" Jane whispered, setting down her beer and leaning into the counter with a humorless laugh that made Maura's eyebrows furrow with confusion. Jane's eyes met hers. "I hated knowing you went on a date, Maura. I hated knowing that that man's presence was most likely due to a date and not a friendly visit, not that late at night."
Jane pushed away from the counter and laughed, sounding half crazed. Maura wondered if she shouldn't have let Jane drink tonight after last night's stint. Perhaps the woman had been still drunk, despite the evidence that said otherwise earlier. How else could she explain this behavior?
"You already said that, Jane. I understand that I should have at least warned you, and if I had known you wanted to come over I wouldn't have agreed to the date for that evening and requested Saturday instead."
"You don't get it, Maura," Jane said, shaking her head. "Of course you don't…"
Maura stood and started walking to the kitchen. "Then help me understand! I want to understand, Jane. Whatever is going on in your head, I want to know about it."
"It's not just that I was upset about not spending time with you, Maura," Jane admitted. "I could have easily just come over Saturday afternoon because you rarely have a second date so soon and we could have hung out then. But… Maura, when I saw him in your living room I cried."
"Why would you…" Maura trailed off, her mind going over everything she knew about Jane, and nothing could explain this fact. Jane just didn't cry over things like Maura having a date and not telling her; she got angry and they had a shouting match until they felt better and moved on.
Jane finished off her beer and dropped the bottle in the trash bin before approaching Maura, standing right in front of her with a small smile. "Maura, I'm not an emotional person, you know that. Hell, I can practically see the gears turning as you are undoubtedly trying to figure out how that situation could warrant me in tears. I'm also a sore loser, and when I've lost before I've even played the game I tend to get a little more emotional than usual."
"Now I'm really confused," Maura said, taking a couple steps back. Her entire body was humming with something similar to nervousness. Or perhaps it was anticipation, though she was unsure what she was anticipating.
Jane shrugged and leaned back against the counter. She didn't stop Maura was walking away from her, didn't pull her back. She wasn't even sure how to explain what she was feeling. Part of her hoped Maura would have figured it out by now so that she didn't have to say it.
"I love you, Maura," she said. "And I'm talking about hardcore, can't-breathe-without-you, sun-always-shining-when-you're-around, make-me-want-to-be-a-better-person kind of love."
Maura's eyes widened and her mouth formed an "o" as she realized what Jane was saying. There was silence as Jane prepared for the worst and Maura analyzed everything. And then Maura laughed, which caused Jane to bristle.
"I know you're not all that knowledgeable about social etiquette in these kinds of situations, but usually when you hear a confession like that you don't laugh," Jane scowled as she built back up her walls.
"Oh Jane, I know that. I think I'm more relieved that anything," Maura told her, calming down. "I don't read people well, Jane, you know that. Sometimes I get the social cues wrong and make a fool of myself. You've been giving me signs for a while and I've ignored them because I thought I was just being hopeful. You're my best friend, and I've never had one before. But I have had many people hit up on me and you were showing me some of the signs and I just… I wasn't sure what to do."
Now Jane looked confused. "What the hell are you talking about? That was one of those in-the-moment epiphanies." She frowned and mumbled, thinking Maura wouldn't hear, "Though I guess that explains the well-endowed blond from Saturday night…"
Of course, Maura did hear and wasn't exactly happy to know this fact. Still, she supposed couldn't exactly get angry; she had been on a date Friday night that was apparently the catalyst for all this. Instead of commenting, she began cleaning up the apartment.
"Whoa, what are you doing?" Jane asked.
"Cleaning," Maura stated, looking up to see an incredulous look on Jane's face. "What? I, for one, cannot believe it's such a mess. I know you tend to let things slide a little more when you have a tough case, but it hasn't been so bad since-" you were shot.
The end of the sentence was hanging between them. Jane knew it was the truth; even when Maura had been gone she found herself cleaning more often than not. Her eyes wandered over the apartment, to empty beer bottles and forgotten clothes and food cartons that may or may not have food still in them that was probably growing mold by now.
"Yeah…" she breathed, letting Maura know she understood what she meant. She watched Maura for a few seconds before helping her.
By ten o'clock the house looked livable by Maura's standards again and she was sprawled out on Jane's couch, her head on Jane's lap and the brunette's fingers running through her hair. It was a familiar position, though one of the more intimate ones, and it made Maura smile.
"What's got you grinning now?" Jane asked.
"This, our position," Maura told her. Jane hummed to see if she'd go on. "Do you realize we've been familiar with each other in rather intimate ways without realizing it? This is one of the things that made me wonder about us in the past. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've wondered what you felt about me while we were in this position in the past."
"I usually thought nothing of it," Jane admitted. "It was comfortable and I didn't care." Maura nodded and hummed with content as she closed her eyes for a moment, soaking in the essence that is Jane before getting up and gathering her things. "Whoa, what are you doing?"
"I should be getting home," Maura answered. "It's late and I'm starting to get tired. I'd like to get home before I'm too tired to drive."
"Oh, okay." Jane's shoulders slumped, and her movements were a little sluggish as she stood to see Maura out, and the body language was not lost on the doctor.
"What is bothering you?" Maura asked.
Jane shrugged. "I was kind of hoping you would stay the night, but I guess after earlier I understand that you wouldn't."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's great and all that you've been cool with me having feelings for you, but you can tell me if it makes you uncomfortable. You don't have to keep acting like this," Jane mumbled, not meeting Maura's eyes.
"Why would it make me uncomfortable?" Maura asked, and then she laughed again. Jane shot her a look. "I understand now. I'm sorry, Jane, truly. You told me at that time when I laughed that I don't know social etiquette and I think we've found another flaw in my reaction earlier." She hugged Jane and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you too, Jane, with everything I am."
Jane couldn't stop the grin from erupting on her face as she brightened and then laughed. "I guess I should have known with the way you carried on before, but I didn't want to get washed up with hope and then be disappointed later when I misunderstood something."
"I'm sorry for not being clearer."
"So why are you leaving?"
Maura's cheeks colored a little. "It may seem rather odd, but I find myself wanting to go slow with this new development. And you know how I am about intercourse."
"Yeah, you like it and believe everyone should have lots of it," Jane teased her before squeezing her hand and nodding. "So we're going with the high school level of romancing? Hand holding, stolen kisses, and secret gifts?" Her smile looked almost mischievous to Maura as she nodded. "All right, old school it is then."
"You don't mind?" Maura had expected a little resistance with this admission.
"Nah, it's like… starting over in a way. We'll be skipping a few steps at some point I'm sure, but right now? I need to get back together, and we're not who we were before… that," Jane said, still not able to talk about the shooting without feeling uncomfortable.
Maura nodded. "I'm glad you share my feelings with this."
"It'll be kind of fun," Jane said, shrugging. "I'm sure once it all catches up to me later when I actually slow down to think about it, I'll groan over agreeing to this. But right now I'm digging it." Jane ran a hand through her hair. "That might be because I'm tired and you're gorgeous and I'll agree to just about anything with you."
Maura smirked. "I'll remember that, Detective."
"Ha ha. Go home before I force you to stay." The door was pulled open and with a hug, Maura was gone, leaving Jane standing in her doorway wondering if she would wake up tomorrow on her couch with the worse cramp in her neck and Maura on her lap. "Guess we'll see," she mumbled before yawning and going to bed.