I must admit, I've been enjoying this a little more than I had anticipated. I can't seem to stop writing more of this story and it's gaining a life all its own. You may see several fairly quick updates, even as soon as today. I've already got several more chapters done in fact, I'm just going over them to make sure that they are up to my standards.
As a side note, this chapter (and the following several) will contain a lot of "insecure Jane" and may seem a little out of character for the normally strong and confident detective that we see on-screen. However, there should be plenty of fluffy Rizzles moments to help buffer.
Enjoy.
Jane woke up an hour before she needed to, and after rolling over to try to fall asleep again she remembered the events of yesterday and groaned, pulling the pillow over her head.
"Why did I agree to that?" she grumbled, suddenly wanting nothing more than to share coffee and breakfast with Maura at that exact moment. The pillow was pulled from her face, which now sported a thoughtful look. "Wait, it may not be exactly right now but I can still share coffee and breakfast with her." She looked at the clock again. "Maura will be in the morgue in an hour, because she's insane like that. If I stop at that ridiculously overpriced but amazingly delicious coffee shop she loves I can get us both really good coffee and one of their heavenly, to-die-for pastries that Maura will wrinkle her nose at only because she knows she can't resist eating it."
Plan in place, Jane jumped up to get in the shower. She was going to do this right, dammit!
When Maura walked into her office, she was surprised to see Jane in her chair with two coffees and a pastry bag sitting on her desk.
"I must admit, I would never have expected to see you so soon," Maura admitted with an amused smile as she approached the brunette.
Jane offered a grin and a coffee. "I'm full of surprises."
"Oh I'm aware," Maura said, taking the coffee and raising an eyebrow at her… Jane. "I'm also aware that you are sitting in my chair, and I need to have it back to get started on my morning paperwork."
"Blech." Jane made a face. "You seriously have morning paperwork?"
"Sometimes, yes I do. Today's will consist of anything that the labs worked on yesterday, as well as anything that wasn't urgent but needed my attention from yesterday," Maura explained. Jane winced and looked away. Maura, realizing how that might have made Jane feel, sat on her lap to kiss her cheek. "You aren't responsible for my workload this morning, Jane, I am. And I'm glad I chose to go find you yesterday morning instead of waiting for the end of the workday. Who knows how long you would've stayed on the roof if I hadn't, and I doubt we'd have made as much progress as we've made."
"I still feel responsible. If you hadn't had to come find me, you wouldn't have so much to catch up on," Jane mumbled, not meeting Maura's eyes.
Maura huffed. "All right, fine, if you want to feel responsible for it then do so. But, you will not sulk about it in my chair. If you feel the need to sulk, go to the couch where I can keep an eye on you until you realize that you outrank this," she motioned to the mess of paperwork on her desk, "any day and any time." She stood and crossed her arms, waiting for Jane to react. It would be an understatement to say she was surprised when Jane stood and walked over to the couch.
Not sure how to act now, Maura stood there for a moment before picking up Jane's coffee and taking it to the brunette, sitting with her.
"You know, Jane, you're allowed to put up some resistance," she said softly, handing over the coffee. Jane took it with a shrug and stared at it a moment.
"Why do you feel so strongly for me?" Jane asked sullenly, voice heavy with emotion. She winced at the words she hadn't meant to say out loud, but followed through with her other thoughts before Maura could answer. "You're… God, you're such an amazing person, Maura, inside and out. Even when I'm screaming at you, you're still there when I break down. And me, I'm so broken and damaged…"
Maura's chest tightened as she heard, for the first time, the depth of Jane's insecurities and instantly put her arms around her. "Right now, I can see that you are. But you're also strong and stubborn, and I'll be here to help you heal every time, just like you've always been there when I've needed you."
Jane leaned into Maura, twisting so she had her head on the woman's shoulder and her face was buried into her neck, breathing her in. "That doesn't tell me why you feel so strongly for me, why you even bother."
"I bother because I feel strongly for you," Maura admitted it, rubbing Jane's back. "You carry yourself with confidence, though you're not quite there right now. You have so many demons that have tried to bring you down, but you've always won over them in the end. You're loyal to your friends and family." She paused to kiss Jane's head. "You have a lot of positive traits, Jane.
"But I think it's been our interaction that is what made me fall for you, because although we don't seem to have anything in common we get along so well it's uncanny. We've seen each other at our worst and yet we're still here, still friends at the least and working on discovering what else we can be. I haven't scared you off with my irrelevant babble and strange quirks. You haven't managed to scare me off with… well, you." Jane snorted at that, muttering something about how that was insulting. "The point is that if you were to be completely eradicated from my life I would feel empty. I've already proven that I could live without you, and that I am better for having known you, but no one can replace you and I don't even want to be faced with the need to try. And if the way you've dealt with my absence in the last few months is any indicator, I'd say you wouldn't want to be without me either."
"Damn straight," Jane grumbled. She knew she should probably move, and was sure that Maura was getting uncomfortable, but she wasn't ready to face her just yet. "If I'd known you were okay I probably wouldn't have gotten so bad, but you're right. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else but you."
Maura nodded and forced Jane to leave her sanctuary and look at her. "I'm not going to tell you to stop being so unsure of yourself, because you can't just turn off those insecurities at the drop of a dime. But, I do want you to let me help you overcome them. I want you to promise that if you ever feel overwhelmed you'll come to me and I promise we'll work through them. Can you promise me that?"
"I can promise to try," Jane said, earning a soft smile.
"I'll take that for now," Maura agreed. "Now, I'm sure both of our coffees are cold, as are the pastries. It's still early enough so why don't we go across the street to that diner and eat? I'll even let you have something completely unhealthy for you."
Jane smirked. "Can I get that in writing?"
Jane walked into the bullpen late because she'd stayed with Maura even after they came back from breakfast just because she could. When she sat down with a fresh cup of gourmet coffee, because she convinced Maura to let her replace the ones from this morning before they went back, she greeted Frost and Korsak with a grin.
"I'd ask if you had another good weekend, but from what I heard your Monday morning sucked," Frost said. "What, did Maura come over last night and nurse you back to health?"
"Something like that," Jane answered with a smirk. When she saw the shock on their faces, she frowned. "Jeez, have I been that bad?" She paused. "No, don't answer that."
Korsak cleared his throat. "Are you really doing better now, Janie? I mean, it's been pretty topsy-turvy with you since the Doc came back."
Jane shrugged. "One day at a time."
Anything else they were going to say about it was put on hold. They were called for a crime scene.
It was a little after midnight when Jane walked into her apartment, eyes burning from the need for sleep. The good news was that the case was solved and the bad guy booked. With a yawn, she caught the smell of something delicious and realized the oven was keeping something warm and the kitchen light was still on. Glancing around, she noticed a pair of heels by the door and the hall light was on.
"Maura…" she murmured with a smile. Her stomach actually wanted food now that she could smell it, so she opened the oven and got out the glass pan that looked like it held baked pasta within it. Setting it on the stove, she lifted the foil to find that she was right. To the left of the stove, she found a note.
'Come wake me, we'll eat together.'
It was typical Maura, and Jane found herself chuckling as she went to get the woman from the bedroom. Pushing the door open gently, she admired the sight of Maura hugging her pillow dressed just in one of her jerseys.
"God, she's gorgeous," she whispered, eyes wandering over the bare skin. Maura hadn't bothered to pull on the blanket; she must have thought Jane wouldn't be so late. Unable to keep her distance, Jane walked over to the bed and let her fingertips slide up a bare leg, amazed to see goose bumps and then, when she reached the hip, a full body shiver.
"You're home," Maura whispered sleepily, smiling at Jane. "Enjoying yourself?"
Jane chuckled and bent down to kiss her nose. "Yes I am, to both questions." She burrowed her face in Maura's hair and inhaled before kissing her temple. "I found your note, and if you still want to eat with me I am kind of hungry."
"I do want to," Maura said. Jane straightened up, and watched Maura stretch her body before getting up. "No beer or coffee this late, though, all right?" Jane nodded dutifully and let Maura lead her back to the kitchen. When she tried to help Maura prepare plates, she got smacked and told to sit at the counter. Laughing, Jane did as she was told and studied her friend.
She frowned. "Can we still say we're only friends?"
Maura tilted her head in thought. "No probably not. But are you really ready to label this as something more?"
She hadn't thought about it, honestly. "I'm not sure." A plate, fork, and glass of water were sat in front of her and she waited until Maura was sitting with the same three items before digging in. "Part of me wants to, because calling you my friend just doesn't feel… strong enough. Still, I don't think we're ready to be… girlfriends yet." Though as she tested out statements where she would call Maura her girlfriend, she couldn't help but smile at the idea.
Maura nodded, though from her smile Jane could tell she was pleased at the prospect of being able to use that title in the future. "We're working on it, Jane, and I think we'll get there soon enough. For now, though, let's just stick to what we have."
Jane nodded. When they finished eating, she set the dishes in the sink and all but dragged Maura to bed, where she changed quickly and fell in next to the doctor and pulled her into her arms for the night.
"We may be less than girlfriends, but we're still more than friends," Jane murmured as she closed her eyes, not really needing to justify her action but wanting to, "so I think I'm entitled to extra cuddly cuddling."
Maura giggled and kissed the hollow of Jane's neck as she tucked her head under Jane's chin. "You won't hear me complaining. I love being in your arms."
They both fell asleep with a smile on their face.