AN: I apologize up front that this chapter isn't very long, but I thought it was necessary backstory. Thanks to those who are still following along. I appreciate your support and kind words.

Chapter 5

With each step, Elizabeth's feet pounded the concrete, allowing the jarring sensation to ricochet up her legs, through her body, coming to stop at her clenched jaw.

Her breaths came quickly as she walked straight back to her room. She turned the key in the lock and slid inside. Elizabeth leaned back against the door, and finally let out a shuddering breath. "Why?" she breathed out, her mind going back to that January day nearly three years prior.

MSMSMSMSMSMS

Elizabeth stood on the front step of her dorm watching Henry walk away, taking her hope of ever being happy with him. He disappeared around the corner and the only sound that could be heard was the sobs that she couldn't contain no matter how hard she tried.

Having no idea how long she stayed in the spot, she finally, no longer able to feel her feet, turned and trudged back to her room. Elizabeth sat on the edge of her bed and tried to figure out what she'd done to make Henry leave. Tears flowed freely down her chapped cheeks. Elizabeth felt like Henry was just one more person in a long line of people she had driven away.

She stared at the gray, industrial carpet, focusing on the stain in the middle of the floor in front of her desk. She'd knocked her soda over a few days ago. At the time, she hadn't thought much about it, but now it was physical evidence of one more thing she'd ruined.

Elizabeth had an argument with her mother the morning she died. Her father was put out with her because of how she treated her mother. Will barely tolerated her. Of course she mothered him. Someone needed to, but even trying to be helpful and loving drove him away. Aunt Joan never really wanted to get close to start with. But Henry-Elizabeth thought he was different. He had always gone out of his way to be nice, doing things to make her feel like part of something. She felt that Henry liked her for who she was.

Elizabeth released a shuddering breath. She'd been wrong about that. She'd obviously done something to make him want to leave too. It was plainly obvious that she wasn't meant to have deep connections with people. She just ended up hurting the people she cared about.

She peeled her clothing off until, layer by layer she was down to her t-shirt and underwear. She dropped the empty cups into the trash, flipped off the light, and climbed into bed. Wiping her tears on the edge of the sheet, she wished she understood what she did that made people want to abandon her. Tears fell until exhaustion took over, falling into a restless sleep.

By that Sunday afternoon when everyone returned to campus, she had stuffed her hurt and insecurities deep within her. Elizabeth was all smiles as she listened to her roommate tell her all about her holiday. "Fake it 'til you make it," was the recurring theme of Elizabeth's thoughts.

Months passed and the following year, Elizabeth tried out for the field hockey team and the golf team. She did well at both and her flawless features and athletic physique earned her the attention of many of the boys. Craving love and acceptance, she willingly obliged those that held her close and told her they loved her. For most of her junior year, she had a line of young men at the ready who would profess their adoration of her in the most physical of ways.

It was only when the new wore off and someone cuter or more flirtatious came along, that Elizabeth came to the realization that physical connection wasn't the only thing she was looking for. All of her relationships lacked the emotional connection, the sense of wholeness and belonging that she'd only felt once since her parents died.

Elizabeth shied away from most guys her senior year, with only her friend, Joey, being the exception. They sat together on the dorm roof staring at the night sky, talking about their hopes and dreams. Joey was her best friend, and he filled the need she had emotionally, but had shut her down when she hinted at a physical relationship. Of course, that turned out to be just as well, because he would be returning to his home country of Bahrain and finding a suitable partner there. Yet again, Elizabeth was left feeling bereft.

Elizabeth toured the University of Virginia with Aunt Joan her senior year and fell in love. It was where her parents met, her father two years older than her mother. They always spoke fondly of their alma mater and Elizabeth could see why. The tradition was rich on the campus and she felt a sense of familiarity and peace that she hadn't felt for a long time.

Henry McCord briefly crossed her mind, but she quickly decided that he would be long gone and she wouldn't care even if she happened upon him. "Son of a bitch," she muttered under her breath as she pushed that thought to the side.

The night before graduation, Elizabeth packed up her room at Virginia Prep for the final time. Laundry baskets and totes lined the front of her closet. She was exhausted from finals and anticipation of graduation, but she balanced the cardboard box on her hip and turned to look at her desk. Sighing, she decided she might as well finish and then she could sleep in a bit the following morning.

Pens, tape, post-it notes, and paper clips littered the bottom of the box, followed by notebooks filled with notes containing mathematical theorems, historical events and Spanish conjugations. Reaching back into the bottom drawer, her hand brushed against a stationery box and she pulled it out. A lump immediately formed in her throat the second she saw the lavender box covered in violets.

Elizabeth sat back and crossed her legs in front of her and placed the box in her lap. Carefully lifting the lid, her breath hitched when she saw the envelopes with the small block letters, spelling out "Elizabeth."

Wrapping her hand around all of the envelopes, she moved to throw them away, but once they hung over the wastebasket, she couldn't bring herself to drop them in. Closing her eyes, she released a long, slow breath, placed them back in the box and shoved the stationery between notebooks.

MSMSMSMSMSMS

Now, back in her UVA dorm room, she eyed her closet. Elizabeth knew when she moved into her dorm room that she had removed the supplies she needed in her desk and took the rest of the contents of that box and shoved it in the back of the closet, just in case she ever had a need for those notes. She didn't specifically remember the stationery box, but she knew it was still there.

"Damn you Henry," she muttered, moving to the closet. Moving a few things out of the way, she pulled the box to the front. Elizabeth unearthed the violet covered box and pulled Henry's letters out, laying them in her lap.

Carefully she pulled each one out and read it. As she read his kind and caring words, she felt as though someone were squeezing her chest, causing her not to be able to breathe. Unable to prevent it, she felt the same confusion and devastation she'd felt that snowy January day and for months after. What had she done to drive him away, and why couldn't he just tell her so she could fix it? She'd needed him so much.

An hour later, Elizabeth wiped the tears from her cheeks and shoved the letters back in the box. She still didn't understand, but enough time had passed that she no longer wanted to know. It didn't really matter anyway.

She pushed the box back into the recesses of her closet and drew in a slow breath. She had made peace with her station in life. She didn't need to rehash that hurt. Henry had been right about one thing. She was strong and she had overcome it. He didn't deserve her.