"Jane."
The rooftop door swung open with a loud bang! Jane, to scared to turn around, began to pace on the ledge. The rough surface scrapped across her bare feet.
"Jane!"
If she turned, one of two things could happen: she could turn and see her standing there or she could turn and realize it was stress and alcohol playing tricks on her shattered mind and soul. She was not prepared for either. The simple thought of seeing her made her heart face in more ways than she was willing to admit.
"Jane, please come down from there."
The more she spoke, the more the possibility of it actually being her grew. Jane stopped and counted to 10. She slowly turned, her eyes closed until the last moment. She inhaled and slowly opened her eyes.
"Maura?"
It was Maura but different. Her hair, once long and honey color, was a brunette color and reached down her back. The jeans and t-shirt she wore hung from her body awkwardly, as if she'd lost weight in her absence. Her face was bare of makeup, her natural beauty prominent. She looked as beautiful as ever. Jane's body ached to take the small woman into her arms, but her rational brain restrained her from doing so.
"Yes, Jane, I'm here. Please come down from that ledge, it not safe."
"Why?"
"Why, what?"
"Why should I come down?"
"It's not safe."
"No shit, it's not safe up here. Why do you think I'm here?"
"Taking your life won't make things better for anyone."
Something in Jane snapped. All of the anger that was pushed onto the back burner by self hatred came boiling to the surface.
"How do you know? You know nothing about me, nothing."Jane began to pace again, her scarred hands beginning to ache.
"I know that I don't want you to get hurt." The older woman pleaded, tears welling in her eyes, her voice uneven with fresh emotion.
"That's bullshit. It wouldn't hurt to fall from this ledge and hit the concrete. The hurt that would cause would have no comparison to the hurt I've experienced since you left. Every day, I counted the minutes and seconds, praying that you'd come back alive and well or that I'd get a simple call or email. I waited for someone to knock at my door and tell me that you'd been killed by one of Doyle's enemies. I sat around for three fucking months, imagining all the horrible things that could happen to you. My heart crumpled each time I dreamt about your body beaten and mangled, far off with no one to find you. I want to make your suffering my own because I could never allow someone to cause such pain if I couldn't stop it. So, no, falling on the concrete wouldn't hurt me. You leaving did."
Once again, Jane stopped pacing when she received no verbal response. Red, hot tears streamed down Maura's face. It pained the tall woman to know her words were the cause of these tears. She wanted to make her pain go away but who would make her own pain go away.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered, wiping the tears from her face.
"Maura, sorry is not going to cut it. You chose a criminal over your family. Over me. I was supposed to be your best friend, damn it. I would die if it meant that you lived. I've given you my life and quite possibly my career."
"Jane-"
"Each time Paddy Doyle came into your life, you were put in danger. He kidnapped you. He held you and my brother at gun point for fuck's sake. And now this. He was dangerous. He's got a kill list longer than both my arms. I can't even begin to comprehend why you would even consider choosing him."
"He was my father and he knew who my biological mother was. I know you might not understand, but I needed to know who she was."
"He was a sperm donor. He abandoned you. For your own good or not, he did, and there is nothing that can ever change that. He didn't raise you. I understand that you wanted to know your biological mother. I'm a cop. I could have helped you."
"See, that's the problem. I didn't need Detective Rizzoli. I need my friend Jane."
"I would have been there if you'd asked."
"Jane, I shouldn't have to ask. My mother was fighting for her life in the hospital and you were in the arms of a slimy F.B.I. Agent."
This made Jane blanch. The guilt she felt about abandoning her friend during such a critical time tore at her conscience. The image of Maura broken and alone plagued her thoughts. The moment she woke up next to Dean, she regretted her decision to seek comfort in his presence. It was not until she replayed the events of the warehouse did she realize that he was using her the entire time to get to Doyle. She confronted him in the hospital and when he offered no good explanation for being at the warehouse, she gave him a piece of her mind and left with the promise of a bullet inscribed with his name if he ever showed his face again.
"I was wrong for going to Dean."
"Yes, you were. But none of this means I want you one the edge of this building. You don't deserve this."
"How do you know?"
"Jane Rizzoli, I know you better than you know yourself. I know that you would never hurt your mother and brothers so deeply by taking your own life. You wouldn't let all of the bastards like Hoyt succeed in seeing you dead. My hope is that you wouldn't leave me alone in a world that I fear and do not understand. I don't know what I would do in a world without you. It scares me more than anything to imagine a world without your smile that lights up a room and hearing your laugh each time I bumble a colloquial phrase. My heart aches at the thought of never seeing how beautiful and peaceful you look when you sleep."
"You've watched me sleep?"
"I've always watched you, Jane. How could I not? You're the most beautiful person I've never met."
Jane looked away, her cheeks red with embarrassment. Sure, they had a history of lingering glances and longer than necessary touching, but never imagined that Maura cared for her so deeply. She dreamed of the day she'd find the courage to tell the doctor how she felt. When she shot Doyle, she realized she'd thrown all possibility of those feelings being returned out the window. She never expected Maura to forgive her and she'd accepted this.
If she tried, she would never be able to pinpoint the exact moment she fell in love with the good doctor. After meeting the women, her thoughts quickly became consumed with wanting to know more about this seemingly mysterious woman. She never imagined that she could be the most compassionate and intelligent, albeit quirky and eccentric, person she'd ever met. Jane's mind was blown each time she listened to the meaningless facts that poured from Maura's mouth during their first lunch outing. It was then that she vowed to defend her from the racy and offensive comments of her fellow officers. She refused to allow someone to hurt this fragile and gentle woman.
They were at a crime scene, three works after Maura's arrival to the Medical Examiner's Office and the BPD. A young man, early 20s, had been killed in an alley near a popular club in the south end of Boston. The air smelt of a coming rain. Everyone was unamused by the early hour and the new M.E. Officers grumbled and grouched about the intricate examination Doctor Isles insisted on doing.
Jane stepped onto the crime scene and most of the bitching stopped. Unfortunately, there was one smartass officer who dared to test the only female detective in Homicide. Everyone knew that she'd grown a soft spot for the blonde woman and shut their traps whenever Rizzoli came around.
"Maybe Rizzoli can give the Queen of the Dead a Midol so we can get on with our day." The officers around him took a step back when they saw Jane approach from behind. The lone officer's body tensed and the hairs on the back of his neck rose to attention. He felt her lanky frame press into his back, invading his personal space. He regretted his decision almost immediately.
"What did you just say, Officer Reynolds?" She asked slowly, her voice low and menacing.
"Nothing, ma'am."
"What did you say? If you can see it in front of your buddies, I'd like to hear it. Don't make me forced it out of you."
"I suggested that you give Doctor Isles a Midol."
"I don't recall you calling her Doctor Isles. What did you call her?" He paused. "Say it!"
"I called her Queen of the Dead."She shoved him to the line of officers who pushed him away like his body was covered in acid. He dropped into the ground in front of Jane and she planted her boot into his chest.
"I ever hear you disrespected Doctor Isles again, I'll have your nuts nailed to a desk chair the rest of your life. Do I make myself clear?"? He nodded his head. She put more pressure on his chest. "I can't hear you."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good, glad we could come to an agreement." She raised her foot and turned to walk away. She paused and quickly turned to the officer still on the ground. "And, it's Detective. Not ma'am."
With that, she walked away. The clouds above them opened and rained poured on them. Jane opened the umbrella she carried and held it above the shell shocked doctor.
"Are you alright, Maura?"
"No one's ever stood up for me like that."
"Well, someone should."
Lost in the past, Jane did not realize Maura standing before her. The woman's sudden presence scared her and made her body jump, causing her to slip over the edge of the building. She held onto the ledge for her life as Maura tried to pull her up.
"Jane, don't let go."
"Never."