A/N: And I lied saying I wouldn't upload a chapter but here we are lol. I just felt motivated and inspired so brace yourself for a long one! I'm glad you're enjoying this story and I hope you stick with me on it, so I can continue to entertain you. In this chapter I focused on Pol's guilt and the consequences of her action as well as developing relationships between characters.

Thanks to everyone who reads, follows and reviews this story, including my silent readers who are too shy :3. Thanks to Ty6161 for favouriting this story and I promise you will not regret it. This chapter isn't as action packed as the last but some good dialogue I hope. I actually included another little snippet from my own hobbies which includes a guitar scene.

FnafAnimeGirl109: Thank you! I'm so glad you're loving his story! Honestly I'm enjoying writing it which is probably why i upload chapters so quickly hehe. Shane is a major jerk and his jerky-ness will continue as it does in the show - not sure how much you know about it. I know Pol is a sweetheart! But she's made a major mistake in killing Otis, in terms of her moral compass she didn't handle the threats and ultimatums Shane was delivering to her and because she cares so much about Rick and how he views her she felt like she didn't have much choice, even though it was the wrong thing to do. Her guilt will play an important part later on..

Disclaimer: I do not own the Walking Dead or any of its affiliated characters and storylines, only my OC and plotlines. I don't own the song Mad World by Tears for Fears.

- Angels and Douchebags

"Honey what's wrong?" Lori asked as she pulled away wiping the tears from my face.

"I didn't save him." I cried.

"Lor." Rick and Shane were standing behind me as me and Lori pulled apart standing up.

"He's stable." Hershel came out as Lori smiled, she looked at me in concern and I nodded to her. Rick and Lori both went to see Carl whilst Shane went outside.

"Pol?" I turned around seeing Glenn in that trusty baseball cap standing behind me.

"Glenn," I sighed as we walked towards each other he hugged me.

"I'm so glad you're safe." He said lowly rubbing my hair. He pulled apart and stroked my upper forearms.

"You okay?" He said looking at my tearstained face.

"Just Otis." I said wiping my eyes.

"It must've been hard for you." He said.

"Where are the others?" I sniffled.

"Still on the highway. They'll be here tomorrow."

"T-Dog's here," Glenn started.

"The slash in his arm was getting really infected but luckily Daryl had some of Merle's antibiotics when he had venereal disease." Glenn said and I scrunched up my nose.

"That's disgusting." I groaned laughing as Glenn smiled.

"T-Dog's recovering now so he'll be good soon." He said.

"You get some rest Pol, you've been through a lot."

The next day we were outside collecting fire wood with the Greene family. I started talking to Beth and Maggie, Hershel's daughters who were both younger than me. I liked Maggie instantly, she was funny to be around and had a good heart. And she helped distract me from the pain of last night. Beth was sweet but didn't talk much. From what I heard last night, Carl woke up briefly with Lori and Rick having not left his side the whole night. I don't think they got any sleep.

I passed Rick who was coming out of the shower last night when I was on my way to sleep on one of their couches. He looked finally clean but he was pale from the loss of blood.

"You good?" Rick asked hand on my arm.

"Yeah," I nodded feeling the sadness come up again.

"I think I will be."

"That's not your fault. Don't be consumed by the guilt." He said rubbing his hair and I nodded.

He lifted a hand up and turned my cheek seeing the scratches on my face.

"Oh I dropped out of a window 20 ft up." I said nonchalantly and he chuckled.

"Of course you did. You're a little reckless." He tapped my cheek taking his hand back down. My cheek was burning from where he touched it.

"What makes you think that?" I teased him.

"A couple of weeks ago I remember this crazy woman thinking she could take on a hundred Walkers to help me escape." He brushed a hand over my hair.

"She sounds awesome." I rolled my eyes smirking.

"I'm glad you came back." He smiled.

"Me too." I nodded gulping by how unintentionally close we were standing. Later that night I could not sleep, haunted by images of Otis and then dreams of Rick Grimes.

It was the morning now and thinking about how I slept last night made me blushed. This thing for Rick was getting out of control. I was shocked to see Shane in the morning with a completely shaved head. An ugly man to support that disgusting ugly personality of his. I swore after last night I would not do anything he said anymore. I killed a man and I have to live with it for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter that Shane blackmailed me, I pulled the trigger. And I would never let myself be in that position again. I saw Glenn glancing at Maggie every two minutes and smiled. I think he likes her. Who wouldn't? She was tall, skinny and absolutely gorgeous but she was one of the most down to earth people I had ever met.

From down the road I could hear the revving of a motorbike engine followed by a car and the RV. Daryl dismounted his bike, making me so happy to see him.

"Dixon," I smiled pulling him down for a hug which reluctantly returned.

"I'm so glad you're here."

"You look like you've been through hell." He said looking at me top to bottom.

"Andrea," I gave her a small smile which she returned as Carol stepped out of the car. Dale stepped out of the RV looking around at the farm.

I gave Carol a quick hug and saw the lines under her eyes. Poor woman must not be sleeping well, she's still without Sophia.

"Still in one piece I see." He said smiling at me.

"Just about." I joked.

The door to the house opened as Rick and Lori stepped out greeting everyone.

"How is her?" Dale asked.

"He'll pull through. Thanks to Hershel and his people." Lori smiled with tears barely containing her happiness.

"And Shane and Pol. We'd have lost Carl if it wasn't for them." Shane looked down then at me. I refused to look at him anymore. Rick smiled at me but I couldn't give him one in return, so i settled for a nod. Shane stood a distance away watching the group exchange hugs.

"How'd it happen?" Dale asked hugging Rick.

"Hunting accident. Just a stupid accident." Rick said disbelievingly.

"One of Hershel's men helped get the equipment to save Carl with Shane and Pol. But he didn't make it." Rick explained. I could feel the guilt gnawing away at me. It's my fault. I killed him.

"We're gonna have a ceremony for him later." Hershel said before going back inside. Lori went inside to check up on Carl with Dale, Andrea and Carol who also went to see T-Dog. Rick stayed outside for a minute and walked up to me.

"You're sure you're okay?" He asked, I could see Daryl pretending to clean his crossbow but he was listening to our conversation.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I flashed him a smile.

"Something seems off about you." Rick said studying me.

"Think you just need some sleep." I smiled.

"Maybe." He said eyeing me curiously.

"Anyways I came to give you this." He pulled out a colt python from the stash we found earlier and a box of extra bullets. On the wooden handle was a beautiful engraved P.

"You did this?" I looked up at him holding it in my hands.

"Yeah," he scratched the back of his neck.

"I thought the P would be a nice touch." He shrugged looking nervous.

"I-I don't deserve this." I stuttered handing the gun back to him.

"Of course you do, without you Carl wouldn't be awake in that bed right now. I owe you." He said his piercing blue eyes meeting my whiskey coloured ones.

"Thank you." I said genuinely and reached up giving him a quick peck on the cheek. His cheek turned red for a brief moment before he took a step back.

"Your welcome." He chuckled.

"You're gonna need something to practise on." He touched my arm gently before walking off back to the house.

"What?" I turned around seeing Daryl leaning against his motorcycle.

"Nothin'" he shrugged and went back to cleaning his bow. I narrowed my eyes at him before walking back to the house. I tucked the gun into a holster and saw Lori and Rick by Carl's side.

"Hey buddy," I smiled at him leaning against the door frame as his eyes lit up.

"Pol! Dad told me you saved me." Carl said sitting up in bed.

"Well not directly." I started.

"Dad said you'd also deny it." Carl rolled his eyes and I laughed.

"I'm just glad you're better." I came and sat on the edge of his bed with my hand over his leg.

"You scared us for a minute." I tapped his cheek and he shrugged my hand off.

"Don't worry. Mom said I'm a survivor." I looked at Lori who was smiling down at her son and instantly felt guilty. I've been letting myself get too close to Rick, having moments with him when I shouldn't. He has a wife and Lori doesn't deserve that.

"Yes you are Carl."

—

They held a funeral for Otis as Patricia put the final rock over where his grave was going to be. Hershel was acting as minister making prayers as I stood next to Lori and Rick eyes down. The tears were threatening to spill from my eyes but I wiped them away hoping no one would notice. I felt an arm around my waist and looked to the side seeing Lori rubbing my back comfortingly.

"Otis, who gave his life to save a child. Now more than ever, our precious asset. We thank you, God for the peace he enjoys in your embrace. He died as he lived, in grace." I dared to glance at Shane who was actually looking ashamed for once in his life.

"Shane, Pol. Will you speak for Otis?" Both of us looked at Hershel who was standing with the bible closed.

"I'm sorry I'm not good at that kinda stuff." Shane said quietly. You fucking coward, you blackmailed me to kill him. And now you feel guilty? But I'm the one who pulled the trigger.

"Uh.." I started but didn't know what to say.

"Please you were the last ones with him. You shared his final moments." Patricia stepped forward pleading with us.

"Please I need to hear. I need to know his death had meaning." She began sobbing with Maggie and Beth comforting her.

"I'll speak." I said my voice wavering. I stepped forward towards where Otis was buried.

"We were done. We were out of bullets, down to our last rounds. Shane was limping, I was injured. He said he wanted to do right by the boy. He wanted to make amends." I said gulping.

"And that's exactly what he did. When he went down, when the Walkers got to him." Tears started streaming down to my face. Liar liar you fucking liar.

"He sacrificed himself to save Carl." Shane shot me a warning look and continued.

"He gave me his backpack, he sent me ahead. Run he said. I'll cover you. When I looked back... If not for Otis. I'd never made it out alive." Shane finished, eyes darting to everyone as he placed a rock on the grave. I kept crying and it just wouldn't stop.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly before walking back toward the RV. I walked around it and collapsed onto the floor leaning against it. Letting myself fully cry, it went on for a good few minutes until the tears stopped. I'm never letting myself be manipulated like that again. It won't happen I thought to myself determined. I went inside the RV to see if there were any books to read but I found an acoustic guitar instead. Dale and T-Dog must've found this when they were scavenging for supplies. I took it outside and sat down against the RV and plucked the strings trying to tune them.

I was a little out of practise so I tried to remember the chords, once I got the hang of it I started playing a melody, the last one I learnt before the world went to shit. I sang softly picking the strings lightly:

"All around me are familiar faces

Worm out places, worn out faces

Bright and early for their daily races

Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses

No expression, no expression

Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow

No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad.

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've very had

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take

When people run in circles it's a very very

Mad world,

Mad world."

I finished the last note and put the guitar down in my lap. Suddenly I heard rustling coming from around the RV and reached for my knife, but it was just Rick.

"Oh my god you scared me." I let out a sigh of relief.

"How long you been standing there?" I narrowed my eyes at him plucking a few strings.

"Long enough to hear you can't sing." Rick smirked but I didn't smile.

"Sorry." He said coming to sit next to me along the RV.

"Its alright." I shrugged, honestly playing guitar had made me feel a little better. But having Rick sitting by my side, made me feel a whole lot better. Actually too much better, I started blushing remembering I kissed his cheek. Need to stop doing that. Actually i feel a little embarrassed he heard me sing.

"But you actually play guitar beautifully." He genuinely complimented holding his hat in his lap.

"Thanks." I gave him a small smile.

"Where did you learn?" He asked turning sideways to face me.

"Uhm I taught myself, using the internet before this whole thing happened. But i just never had time for it, because of my job. I missed it." I explained linking my fingers together.

"Can you play?" I asked looking at him.

"Definitely not. Maybe you could teach me, once we find Sophia." Rick nudged my shoulder.

"Yeah." I said. If we find her anyways.

"I actually came to talk to you. I can see how upset you are by Otis, but I feel like something else happened and its makin' you feel real sad. I just wanted to say that you can talk to me, I'm a pretty good listener. Whenever you want." He said before getting up and going back round the RV. Trust me Rick if you had to listen to what I had to say you would not like me very much. I got up and put the guitar back inside the RV.

Daryl, Shane, Andrea, Rick and Hershel were around one of the cars as I joined them. Maggie brought out a map and placed it over it.

"It shows terrain and elevation." Maggie said.

"This is great. We can organise the whole thing, grid the whole area in teams." He said optimistically.

"Not you. Not today." Hershel looked at him.

"You gave 3 units of blood. You wouldn't be hiking 5 minutes in this heat before you pass out."

Hershel said to Rick.

"And you," He turned to Shane who was now wearing a baseball cap on his head.

"Your ankle's all swollen up. You're not going anywhere." He said with an air of finality.

"Guess its just me." Daryl shrugged looking at the map.

"I'm gonna head back to the creek, work my way through there." Daryl said studying the map.

"I'll go with you." I said putting my hands on my hips. I desperately wanted to be away from the farm and away from both Rick and Shane.

"What about your stomach?" Rick asked still pale looking at me in concern.

"It's pretty much healed now. And if I dropped 20ft from a window without reopening it so I think I can manage." I let out a dry chuckle seeing Andrea smile out of the corner of my eye.

"Daryl?" Rick looked at the man who seemed to be in conflict.

"I don't wanna have to babysit ya." Daryl warned and I immediately shook my head.

"You won't I promise." I said quickly.

"You're gonna have to listen to me and follow my lead." He said and I nodded. Daryl gave Rick a nod of affirmation.

"One last thing," Hershel spoke.

"I don't wanna be turning this into an armed camp, we've survived this far without one." Hershel looked at all of us with our weapons holstered.

"This is your property. And ALL of us." He looked pointedly at Shane.

"Will respect that."

Shane and Rick placed their guns on the hood of the car along with Andrea. Shane began talking about establishing look out points and perimeters around the property as long as Hershel agreed.

"I'll keep my gun for now but give it back after the search with Daryl." I reassured Hershel who nodded.

"I need to make a run into town." Maggie said.

"See that guy in the baseball cap, that's Glenn. He's our go to town guy, I'd take him along as a precaution." Rick said. Maggie looked at her father who nodded and went off to go talk to Glenn.

"Be safe." Rick spoke directly to me now.

"Will do, don't worry I've got Daryl to protect me." I reassured him.

"Strangely enough I think he likes you. And Daryl doesn't like people." Rick chuckled.

"We'll be back soon." I said determinedly hitting the car before walking off after the hunter.

As I walked off to follow Daryl I noticed Andrea and Shane sitting opposite each other with guns on the table. He seemed to be giving her instructions as she unloaded the chamber and practised opening the gun. She looked up at him and smiled. If only she knew.. I sighed grabbing my pack from inside and stocked bottles of water with some fruit and my leather journal. I attached my knife to my waist and walked out of the house seeing Rick sitting on the porch.

"See ya cowboy." I ruffled his hair as I walked off hearing noises of complaint.

"Daryl." I shouted as he turned around and stopped I caught up to him with a cross bow over his back.

"Don't worry we'll be back before dark." Daryl shouted to Rick who began walking up to us.

"We got a base now Daryl. We can get this search properly organised." Rick said to him taking the hat off.

"You got a point?" Daryl asked tiredly.

"The point is you don't owe us anything."

"My other plans fell through." Daryl said decidedly and gestured for me to follow him. I turned around giving Rick a little wave before jogging to catch up with Daryl's longer legs. I followed him back into the woods keeping a hand over my knife and walked beside him.

"So what are we looking for?" I asked him scanning the woods for any potential Walkers, we were live bait for them and after Sophia I was on edge.

"Tryin' to find her tracks. But it don't look like she came this way." Daryl said bending down to the ground and rubbing the dirt between his fingers. We followed the creek as the layer of forest got more dense.

"Do you think Sophia's even lasted this long?" I asked him.

"She's alive. I know it." He said decisively. There was a short period of silence and I could already feel myself sweating. I took my jacket off and stuffed it in my pack trying to find water.

"Water?" I handed him a bottle and he took a generous swig of it before passing it back. I took a sip from it and then placed it back in the pack.

"I wanna ask you something." Daryl said suddenly.

"What?" this was strange. Daryl was never one to initiate a conversation ever.

"Is there something goin' on between you an' Rick?" He asked his eyes darted to me sideways.

"No," I scoffed.

"Is there something going on between you and Carol?" I put my hands on my hips and faced him eyebrows raised.

"No way." He scoffed smirking slightly.

"I dunno why y'all got offended. I was just askin' cuz of before." Daryl shrugged and walked forward.

"What do you mean before?" I demanded following after him but he shushed me.

"Hey I was asking you some-" Daryl clamped a hand on my mouth and dragged me down to the floor beside him. I glared at him before he pointed towards the bushes where faint snarling could be heard. I slowly unsheathed my knife as he loaded his crossbow pointing it towards the Walker. He edged closer and gestured for me to follow him. We stood up quickly and each stood behind a tree trunk the Walker would walk through.

It got closer as I jumped out from behind the tree stabbing it in the chest. It fell on top of me as I was on the floor trying to push it off her. The twack sound of an arrow was heard as it was embedded itself in the head of the walker as it fell lifeless. I pushed it off me seeing my new clothes were covered in Walker blood and groaned. Daryl held out a hand which I took and helped me up.

"You good?" He asked and I nodded.

"What I meant was, when Rick gave you a gun and you.." He pointed to his cheek.

"Oh," I said in realisation.

"That was a friend thing." I said dismissively as Daryl gave me a look.

"Uh huh." He said walking ahead of me with his crossbow out.

"And even if there was something, it couldn't be anything because he's married. To Lori." I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice.

"I'm just sayin' but you an' Rick make a good team. I could see it." Daryl kept walking ahead and I gave him a smile he didn't see.

"Me and you also make a good team." I said nonchalantly hands laced behind my back as I walked beside him. He scoffed.

"Something happened' on that run you made with Otis." Daryl said as I cut down through the thick shrubbery.

"Well yeah he died." I said bluntly.

"Not that. Sumthin' else that you're hiding." Daryl said. For a man who didn't speak that much he was amazingly observant and perceptive.

"I'm no-"

"Look whatever it is, you don't need to tell me. Jus don't let it eat ya up inside. Talk to someone about it." He finished.

"If ya want." He grunted and I have him a wide smile.

"But don't expect it to be some girly talk where we hold hands an' you tell me all your problems." He said sarcastically and I lightly punched him on the shoulder.

We left the woodland area after a short while and came out to a field. There was a boarded house at one end of it which appeared it has been desolate for a while.

"Well if Sophia went anywhere," I said as we walked towards it. I pulled out my knife and Daryl aimed his crossbow which had two arrows left. I nodded to him pulling the door open as he aimed into the dark. We walked along the floorboards and scouted the rooms seeing no one there. There were some old wooden shelves with empty bottles. In the trashcan there was an open can of some food which had been eaten. Daryl lifted it up to smell it but he scrunched up his nose. The floorboards were creaking in one room I walked into.

"Hey Daryl," I whispered and he followed me. I opened the door to a cupboard seeing a blanket and pillow. But no Sophia. I ran out of the backdoor of the house and looked around.

"Sophia!" He shouted into the distance.

"Sophia!" I tried to call out but no response. Daryl saw something and walked towards it. There was a white flower with yellow bud growing by it along the fence, he picked it up and walked behind me stuffing it in my backpack.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Cherokee rose. It was a symbol of hope for Indians when American soldiers were moving them off the land. They're said to grow from the mother's tears for strength and hope."

"We'll find Sophia." I said having more hope now after looking in the house. Daryl nodded and we walked beyond the house along to the next area of woodland.

A few hours after I looking and having eaten through most of our supplies we found no track or trail of her. I was exhausted and even Daryl was looking tired.

"We can pick this up another day." I said to Daryl putting a hand on his shoulder.

"We have an idea of where she could be. Let's get back now, before it gets dark." I said trying to convince him. He nodded as we headed back we were near the farm when Daryl began turning in the other direction. He opened my pack and pulled out the rose walking towards the direction of the RV.

"Taking it back for Carol?" I asked him a smile fighting to make it's way onto my face.

"For hope? That'll we find Sophia?" Daryl came walking back close towering over me.

"You ever tell anyone I picked a flower an' I'll shoot ya." He pointed a finger at me before walking away.

"Too bad. We wouldn't want anyone to know you had a heart!" I called out emphasising it as he put his middle finger up at me. I made my way back across the fields of the farm and towards the house where Glenn was sitting there with a smile on his face.

"Why are you so happy?" I put my hands on my hips eyeing him suspiciously. Maggie came by and passed him, a smirk on her face. I looked between them as Glenn blushed slightly when she walked back on the house.

"You didn't?" I smirked and he nodded.

"In the house?!"

"Course not! I think Hershel would kill me." Glenn said laughing.

"On the run?!" I asked disbelievingly sitting beside him on the porch steps.

"Uh,"

"You sly sly dog." I punched him on the arm.

"Don't mess it up." I warned him.

"She's a good one."

A couple hours later I was resting on the couch when I decided to go check up on Carl. He was stirring slightly and in the chair next to him was Rick with his closed and hat off.

"Hey Carl." I whispered to him entering the room quietly.

"Hi Pol." He opened his eyes and smiled at me. I could see the life returning to his face and he looked much better.

"Did you find Sophia?" He asked hopefully.

"Not yet kid. But we found a lead." I smiled and his face lit up.

"Dad." Carl called out and Rick opened his eyes leaning forward in his seat.

"Hey," He said smiling at his son.

"Hey Rick." I said waving to him as he smiled.

"You're back. Any luck?"

"No but me and Daryl found a lead. It's good news." I said grinning.

"I know we'll find her. Well I don't know but I truly believe it." Rick said smiling down at Carl.

"You look tired Dad." Carl said and I looked at the worry lines on Rick's foreheads and the circles under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping well, of course he hadn't.

"I am tired." He chuckled.

"I'm like you now Dad. We've both been shot." Carl said smiling as me and Rick started laughing.

"Don't let your mother hear you." I warned him slightly.

"I think she'd rather hear we got the same eyes." Rick said as both of them laughed.

"But since you're in the club now," Rick started talking.

"You get to wear the hat." He took it from his lap and placed it on Carl' head where it fell over his eyes slightly making me giggle.

"Carl I think it looks better on you than your dad." I smirked at Rick as he gave me a knowing look.

"We can pad the rim so it sits better on your head. Maybe you can let me borrow it from time to time." Rick suggested to his son.

"Yeah we can share it." Carl said smiling.

"We'll let you sleep now. Goodnight Carl." Rick squeezed his hand sitting up in his chair.

"I love you dad." Carl said. I felt my heart ache happily for the family, I wish I still had mine to tell me they loved me before going to bed. I guess this group was my new family. Seeing Carl saved from that bullet wound made me happier beyond belief. But what I did to ensure his survival? I will never forgive myself for it. Otis paid with his life because I was too cowardly to do the right thing.

"And I love you." Rick smiled down at Carl. He put the hat over his eyes and twirled the sheriff's badge on his fingers.

"Goodnight Pol." Carl said with his eyes closed.

"Night buddy." I smiled as Rick followed me out of the room.

"How was the search?" He asked.

"As I said, we found a house that looked like it had been lived in so there's a good chance we got a direction where Sophia went. It was getting quite late so we came back." I explained running a hand through my hair.

"How was Daryl?"

"Daryl was Daryl." I chuckled and Rick smiled.

"I'm gonna go check on Carol. Goodnight." I touched his arm and left the room. Walking back down the stairs and out of the house about to get into the RV when I saw Lori walk quickly past and quietly. I followed her making sure she didn't notice me as she came up to Daryl's tent. She pulled her knife and went out into the field pulling a back out with something plastic. I couldn't see what she was doing in the dark but she squatted in the field then held something up so she could see. I could here her sobbing before I decided to come out of the bush and go check on her.

"Lori," I called out gently and she whirled around wide eyes with her hands behind her back, she had tears in her eyes she tried to wipe away.

"What are you doing out here?" She said defensively.

"I saw you, acting weird so I decided to follow you." I said noting her tone.

"Is everything alright?" I tried to peer behind her but she just gripped whatever she was holding tighter.

"Its fine." She said brushing past me slightly aggressively and jogged back to the house.

What was that all about?

A/N: And did you enjoy that? I think Mad World was such a great song to include because its so fitting with Pol's situation and the Walking Dead. Check out the lyrics and you'll see what I mean. Also its funny how I was learning this song on guitar today and realised how ironic it all was.