A/N: hey guys! Got another chapter for you which I think is better written from the last. This chapter is more my own creation which then leads on to the events of the episode it talks about. So this is season 3 episode 6, I hope you guys enjoy my take on it.
Thank you to everyone who reads my story to 1 for following and favouriting and to Ke5ha Who's just favourited! Thank you to my lovely reviewers without whom I wouldn't be motivated to write!
JasminJW: your view and comment always makes my day! I'm glad you have such high praise for my chapter x
Ryane: haha I feel your pain XD. Trust me when I say you'll be waiting a while. It's going to be agonising but so worth it. My favourite bit of writing is developing the relationship and angst and fluff before the actual relationship. Also bear in mine he's just lost Lori, so that'll be a while. So sit back, relax and enjoy the story!
WARNING: Trigger warnings for mentions of suicide and abuse just before midway through this chapter so if you're triggered please don't read.
Disclaimer: I do not own the walking dead or any affiliated characters or storyline, only my Oc and plot line.
- Angels and Douchebags
"I should've thought to check here before," I muttered jogging down the corridors hearing Daryl behind to keep up with me.
"Where we goin'?" He called out behind me.
"The place where Lori went into labour." I stopped jogging and stood at the end of the hallway which lead either right or left.
"You lost?" Daryl asked breathing deeply.
"Uh, a little," I grinned sheepishly as Daryl scowled.
"Just give me a minute." I thought hard and remembered where Carl was leading us when Lori's contractions started.
Right. I turned right and walked down seeing two doors leading to rooms that were spaced out. I opened the first door and looked inside the room which appeared to be another cell. Closing it, we walked down to the second door and Daryl pulled out his crossbow gesturing for me to push on the handle. The door creaked open loudly and we walked down the steps slowly. I pulled out my knife as quietly as possible and looked around seeing Lori's pants in one corner of the room but no Lori.
"What?" Daryl asked seeing me frown.
"Lori's body was here," I said my eyes scanning the dark room. There were large cupboards facing the wall which formed a small hallway. I heard a gentle clanging noise and looked back to Daryl who put a finger to his lips. We walked down it not knowing what we might find and saw Rick sitting against the wall with a destroyed Walker next to him.
I put the knife back inside my belt as Daryl slung the crossbow over his back as we walked over to Rick. The hatchet was covered in blood and decaying skin hanging in Rick's hand. I knelt down in front of him and slowly took the axe out of his hand putting it on the floor beside him.
"Rick, hey," Daryl said clicking his fingers in front of his face. Rick's face lifted which was covered in blood, sweat and dirt as his blue eyes tried to focus in on Daryl.
"Lori," He muttered.
"S-she's gone. Gone." He repeated his head lolling to the side.
"Rick," I said gently as his head snapped up to look at me.
"Rick," I said putting a hand on his cheek.
"Pol?" He asked tentatively and I nodded smiling slightly. I looked at Daryl who had a flicker of hope in his eyes.
"Yes it's me. Me and Daryl, we're here to come get you. It's late, how about you get some sleep huh?" I asked as his eyes focused back down on the hatchet.
"No, n-no. Can't. Ate Lori. It ate Lori." He said looking at the Walker next to him. The walker had a large stomach and could've easily feasted on Lori's flesh. I tried not to throw up at the smell of the decaying flesh and rotting corpses. Me and Daryl moved the Walker and threw it far away.
"It's gone now." I said coming back to squat in front of Rick.
"Come back Rick. Come back to the cellblock with us, you can see Carl and meet your new daughter." I squeezed his hand as he looked at me.
"No, it's my fault. It's my fault." Rick repeated his voice shaky.
"Rick," I turned his face to look at me.
"It's not your fault. It's that inmate Andrew who did it, and he's dead now, we don't need to worry about him." I explained.
"But Rick, the group needs you." I sighed.
"Carol and T-Dog, they're-" I started but couldn't finish as I gulped.
"They're dead," I whimpered.
"We dug graves for Lori, T-Dog and Carol." Daryl said looking down.
"Don't you want to pay your respects?" I asked Rick.
"I'm not goin' back. I'm stayin' here." Rick said as he continued to sit against the wall. I stood up and pulled Daryl by the arm so Rick couldn't hear.
"I'll stay with him here for the night, you go back, you need to keep an eye on the rest of the group." I said.
"I ain't leavin' you two here by yourselves. 'specially not when he's like this." Daryl scoffed.
"Daryl please, I think this is what he came down here for. Closure."
"The group needs him, so I'm going to do my best to get him to come back." I said firmly.
"I can handle Rick, don't worry."
"If you're sure." Daryl said gruffly.
"I am, Go." I gestured to him and he nodded leaving me alone with Rick. I pulled out the cloth I had brought with me and water and sat down legs crossed in front of Rick.
"Will you let me clean your face?" I asked opening the water bottle and looking up at him. He didn't say anything as I wet the cloth.
With one hand I held the side of his face and with the other I began wiping the dirt away that had collected in his beard. I kept away from the cuts for now, trying to make sure they didn't get infected and focused on cleaning them slowly. Once his face was relatively clear I put the rag down and sat against the wall beside him so our shoulders were touching. We stayed like that for a while until I felt my eyes feel heavy and at some point in the night fell asleep.
I woke up and saw light streaming in through the top window. I had slept the whole night. I looked up at Rick who was snoring gently with his head on my shoulder. I tried to move without waking him but his eyes opened.
"I'm sorry I woke up." I said genuinely.
"W-what, where are we?" Rick asked looking around trying to clear his vision. I was pleasantly shocked to hear that he said a statement that sounded normal and his eyes looked more focused.
"You came here last night looking for Lori's body but then I came to get you to come back to C-block but you weren't moving. So I stayed here." I gently reminded him as his eyes changed in realisation. His eyes became dull and lifeless again upon realising all the events that had transpired the day before. We had lost three people.
"I don't think I ever talked about how my mother died." I started talking as Rick continued looking at his knees.
"You don't talk about your parents at all." Rick spoke. I felt a tiny glimmer of hope, that he wasn't as lost as I thought he was.
"Well you know, I mentioned it when we went to get Hershel from the bar, but I've never spoken about that day to anyone really." I stated.
"What happened?" Rick asked looking forwards.
"The night before, my father well he had gotten really drunk. Even more than usual, and as typical he was taking it out on me. And my mother. He was about to-" I stopped realising I was shaking and never had to tell it out loud before. But I had to swallow the harsh memories and do it for Rick.
"About to do what?" Rick asked his blue eyes peered over to meet mine.
"Assault me." I sighed as Rick's eyes flickered with anger and pity.
"But my mother, she stepped in. I don't know what he did to her because he locked the door. But I listened to my mother scream and scream for hours wishing it would end. When he finally unlocked the door, my mother was lying unconscious on the floor. I waited until my father was gone and rang the ambulance to take her to hospital. She had severe bruises all over her body from being beaten but she insisted that they released her so she could come home with me. The people at the hospital said they were going to call the police and social service were going to come within the next 24 hours." I explained as Rick's eyes never left mine. I could feel the tears that started spilling down my face, not even realising I had been crying.
"Then?" Rick prodded gently as I quickly wiped the tears away.
"I spent the night in bed with my mother. I hugged her and cuddled her as we slept side by side and I actually thought for a moment that it was going to be okay, she kept saying how much she loved me and that my father was going to be out of my life, so that we would be okay." I sighed.
"I went to school the next day, then came home finding police tape and multiple police cars outside my home. They tried to stop me from coming in the house but I pushed past them and just caught a glimpse of my mother's body which had slit wrists being covered on the living room floor." I took a deep breath and just stared at the ground. I peeked out of the corner of my eye and saw Rick looking shocked as he digested the story I told him.
"You didn't have to tell me this," Rick said slowly looking as the early morning light hit the concrete ground in front of us.
"There's a point to me telling you this." I said turning to face him completely.
"My mother died, unhappy with her life, she had a husband who abused her. My bastard father is still alive and stuck in prison. Or hopefully he's dead now." I spat out.
"Lori died." I said in a gentler tone as Rick's jaw clenched and his eyes became watery.
"But Lori was loved, she had a husband who loved her and loved him back. She had a brave, kind son. And now she has a daughter. A beautiful baby daughter. Lori lived a happy life." I said to him as he continued studying his hands.
"We can't bring the ones we love back from the dead. We can honour their memory by trying to survive. You can honour Lori by raising Carl into being a good man, and we can try to make this world a better place for the future generation. Your baby daughter." I said standing up.
"Why don't you come and meet her?" I held out a hand to him as he looked up at me then back at my hand. He took my hand as I helped him up attaching the hatchet back to his waist. I reached up and pushed his hair back behind his ears.
"There you look handsome." I flashed him a small smile and saw the corners of his lips quirk up.
"I'd like to see where you buried her. Lori." Rick gulped looking around the boiler room.
"Sure," I said as I slowly walked out making sure he was following me. This time Rick led the way out into the courtyard as we walked down the steps and pushed the gate open. I began moving forwards to go out into the field when I realised there were no footsteps following me. I turned around and sure enough saw bow-legged Rick standing there with his hands on his hips looking at the ground.
"We don't have to do this now?" I looked up into his eyes as those piercing blue eyes were illuminated by the sun.
"I want to." Rick said firmly after a minute as we slowly walked side by side until we reached three marked graves.
Daryl was wrapped in his poncho leaned over one of them placing a white Cherokee flower. We stood back letting him have a moment as he touched the wooden cross before standing up and walking back. He saw us and stopped like a deer caught in headlights then walked over to us.
"Mornin," Daryl said.
"Hi," I smiled.
"Hey," Rick said.
"You good?" Daryl asked.
"Yeah," Rick said unconvincingly.
"Breakfast will be inside if y'all wanna join us." Daryl said.
"That'd be great thanks Daryl." I gave him a nod and he walked off. The white flower was Carol's grave.
"That's Carol's, T-Dog's And Lori's is the one on the far left." I pointed to the graves. Rick walked over without saying a word and stood in front of Lori's grave. I bent down in front of Carol's and closed my eyes.
"I'm sorry you lived a hard life. I'll look after Daryl." I whispered kissing my fingers then putting it on the grave marker. I saw a bunch of wildflowers growing nearby and a red rose. I picked both and walked over to T-Dog's grave.
"Rest in peace T." I said gently placing the flowers over the mound. I moved to Lori's graves where Rick was on his knees in front of. He sat down next to the grave as I placed the single red rose on the grave marker.
"Bye Lori." I said before standing back up.
"Can I have a minute alone, with Lori?" Rick asked and I nodded.
"Actually I'll meet you back in cell block." Rick said.
"I'll have a plate of food for you."
—-
"How was he?" Maggie asked as she put some powdered eggs into my plate off the fire. I glanced at Carl who was looking at his food untouched.
"He was not good last night. But this morning he came out of the boiler room and he's by Lori's grave now." I said as Carl's ears perked up.
"Is dad gonna be okay?" Carl asked picking at the food.
"He will be kid. He will." I reassured him. I hoped he would be. He needed to be strong. Strong for his kids.
"How is our sweet little baby?" I got up and left my plate to go see the baby. She was in a makeshift crib Daryl had made as I picked her up she was grabbing fistfuls of my hair.
"Hey baby, ooh you're so cute aren't you?" I cooed at her as she made gurgling noises. I pulled her up so her head was over my shoulder and turned around to the others.
"Oh she's a sweetheart isn't she." I grinned as Hershel and Daryl smirked, even Carl smiled a little.
"You're good with kids." Daryl said eating.
"So are you," I grinned bringing the makeshift crib over next to Beth as I put the baby back down. Carl had stopped eating and was staring at the plate. Daryl dropped the spoon and chose to look at Carl in concern.
"Everybody okay?" We all turned around at the voice to see Rick lingering outside the cellblock door.
"Yeah we are," Maggie replied. Rick walked over wearing a different shirt and his hair was wet slightly indicating he had just taken a shower.
"What about you?" Hershel asked tentatively as Rick walked over to stand next to Carl.
"Cleared out the boiler block. There was a dozen or two dozen but I have to get back. Just wanted to check on Carl." Rick said patting his son's back.
"Rick, aren't you gonna stay? We can handle the boiler block, maybe you should take it easy." I stood up and put a comforting hand on his arm. Shit I thought I had gotten through to him.
"We can handle taking out the bodies you don't have to." Glenn stood up suddenly beside me.
"No I do. And I don't need to take it easy." Rick said harshly making me back down from my stance. It was no use. I just had to let him go through this. It was his way of grieving.
"Anybody have a gun or knife." Rick walked up to wear Daryl was sat.
"Yeah, But we're a little low on ammo." Daryl said slowly trying not to set him off.
"Maggie and I were planning to make a run later. A place to look for bullets and formula." Glenn quickly interjected.
"We're cleaning out the lower levels. Axel's in the generator room. We'll take a sweep of it later." Daryl said.
"Good, good." Rick stated rushing towards the cell block door.
"Rick!" I shouted but he ignored me and walked off. I plopped back down on the seat and put my hands on my face.
"I thought you were getting through to him." Daryl said.
"So did I." I sighed.
"You gotta understand, it's not something he's just gonna get over. Not anytime soon." Hershel reassured.
"I know that, I just don't think he should be alone. Maybe I should go back down there and keep an eye on him." I suggested getting ready to get up.
"Pol what you need is good rest now. You've done as much as you can, let me try." Hershel ordered.
"But I can-"
"No you spent the whole night there with him. We can't have you running on fumes, you need to rest." He said assertively. I couldn't deny that there was a crick in my neck and I was absolutely exhausted. Emotionally and physically.
"Okay,"
"Yeah you go, we'll take care of things out 'ere." Daryl said. I walked over to my cell block and shrugged my boots off settling into the bottom bunk. I collapsed on the pillow and closed my eyes settling into a deep sleep.
—
I woke up after some time and stumbled out of my cell seeing Hershel hold the baby and Beth stirring something in the pot. Carl was busy looking at his shoes.
"Hi," Beth said smiling.
"Uh Hey," I said rubbing my eyes.
"Where is everyone?" I asked seeing the empty cell block.
"Maggie and Glenn are on a run, Daryl and Oscar are doing a sweep of the lower levels and Rick-" she started.
"Is still down there?" I sighed as she nodded and went back to stirring her pot presumably making lunch or dinner depending on what time it was.
"How long was I out for?"
"Couple hours." Hershel replied.
"How is she?"
"Got her to sleep." Hershel smiled looking at the baby. I looked at Carl who was still staring at the ground.
"Carl," I caught his attention as he looked up.
"Come here," I gestured for him to come into my cell. He came in and sat on the bed quietly beside me.
"I know it's hard. And I know it hurts." I said gently.
"And I know, it's going to hurt for a while." I continued.
"But trust me when I tell you, it gets easier. And Carl you're so strong and so brave." I rubbed a hand on his back as tears were falling out of his eyes.
"Come here," I pulled Carl into a hug as he buried his head into my chest. I let him stay like that as long as he wanted to hearing his quiet sobs racking through him every now and then. After about 10 minutes he pulled back and his eyes were filled with tears. I wiped his cheeks as he looked up at me.
"You know crying doesn't make you any less weak." I said to him.
"I miss your mother too and Carol and T-Dog." I sighed running a hand through my hair. I stood up and put my boots pushing the sheet back hanging from the cell door.
"I don't think I'm ready to come out yet." Carl sniffled keeping the hat low over his face.
"Take your time." I gave him an encouraging smile.
I handed him my CD player from my pack and all the CDs I had.
"Knock yourself out." I dropped them into his hands as he put his feet up on my bed.
"Hey Pol?" Carl asked as I turned back around.
"Thank you," He said the corners of his mouth lifting.
"Anytime," I smiled and pushed the sheet back down fixing Carl his privacy.
"How is he?" Hershel asked as I came out of the cell.
"He'll be okay. He's a strong kid." I said sure of myself. I walked over to where Beth was ready to help her when I heard slow approaching footsteps. Rick's shadow came slowly into view as he stood outside the cell door.
"Carl," I called out as he emerged from my cell and sat down next to Beth, his eyes lighting up slightly as his father walked in. He walked past where we were sitting without saying a word and straight to Hershel holding his daughter.
Rick stopped in front of Hershel with watery eyes and took a sharp intake of breath as the baby began to whimper. He looked at Hershel with almost permission as we watched the interaction. The baby began to cry as Rick picked her up with one hand behind her head and one behind her lower body as he looked at her with the utmost love and adoration in his eyes. I let a genuine smile cross my face seeing him hold his daughter for the first time.
Carl and Beth stood up and I looked at Carl who gave his dad a small smile.
"Hey," Rick said holding her up to his face.
She started gurgling and making sounds as Rick's face broke out into a wide smile. Rick looked up tears in his eyes and pressed the baby back to his chest. They were happy tears.
I felt my own vision getting hazy and realised my own tears coming out of my eyes in happiness for this moment. Rick kissed her forehead then looked at me and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back as Carl went over to his father to play with the baby.
Rick led his baby daughter outside the cell block, through the cafeteria and into the courtyard with me, Carl, Beth and Hershel in tow. He couldn't keep his eyes of the baby in his arms as if he couldn't believe the miracle.
"She looks like you." He quipped to Carl who let out a genuine giggle. Rick looking happier smiled out into the field before he started frowning.
"Hey, you got her?" Rick passed his daughter to Carl who held her securely.
"What is it?" I asked him.
"Come with me." He said as I followed his across the field. We walked down the long gravelly pathway past the guard tower and squinted due to the hot Georgia sun.
"I thought I saw someone by the fence." He said putting his hand over his eyes. I tilted my head to where he was looking at as the Walkers outside the fence began to growl more.
He pulled his gun out of his holster and I pulled mine out pointing it towards the Walkers. There was someone walking towards us, very slowly holding a red basket. Someone who wasn't a Walker. She put her fingers on the fence and was covered in Walker blood. Wait I know her. I lowered my gun as Rick kept his pointed at the stranger.
"Michonne?"
A/N: oooh and the plot thickens. Thoughts?