A/N: It's Monday which means chapter uploads! And we have hit 200k words and over 100 reviews! I never thought I would get this far with the story and for sure thought I would give up! But I'm glad it's still going and I'm grateful to you guys who read it. So thank you!

Got a couple of chapters until the reunion for the beginning of season 5 so not long to go! I'm a bit meh about this chapter, its a little messy but I hope I've done alright. The first bit of this chapter is a Rick POV and refers to a scene in episode 11. Episode 11-13 is daryl, beth, Maggie, glenn, rick, carl and the others, it also introduces Abraham Tara and Rosita. So from Pol's pov it's gonna pick up from episode 14, it only covers the first half because there's a lot going on. I hope you guys enjoy!

Thanks to RebornRose1992 for following my story! And thank you to my lovely reviewers!

Heh309: I love Carol! This chapter was so hard for me to write because I had no idea how to write Pol, as in how she would react to Carol etc. I hope this sheds some light, whilst she obviously doesn't excuse Carol's behaviour. Pol's done shit too that's questionable (Otis season 2) so she's not in a position to judge. Similarly I obviously had to make stuff tense between Tyreese and Carol because he already knows.

Ryane: Terminus can suck it! A little hint, that Pol may not have as much involvement in that but I will be shedding some light on it from Rick's POV because I enjoyed that.

RebornRose1992: Haha here it is for you!

- Angels and Douchebags

Rick's POV

Rick Grimes considered himself a lucky man. He was alive, his son was alive and Michonne had also found them. They were living in this house together, limiting their runs outside as it was a safe place.

But he didn't stop thinking about Polaris. Oh every time her face was conjured by his mind, he could feel his heart beat faster and the bottom of his stomach dropped. He didn't even know if she was out there. If she was alive.

All he knew was that he would live with regret. He rebuffed and rejected her affections, when he knew he was a coward.

Rick Grimes was a coward. Is a coward. Rick Grimes is a motherfucking coward.

He tried to ignore his growing feelings for her, to focus on surviving. And when she started to show her own, he felt nervous but excited. Exhilarated she felt the same, but the memory of Lori kept appearing in his mind.

So he ignored his feelings and hurt hers. And now he would never be able to tell her how he really felt.

Rick made a promise to himself that day standing in the kitchen of that house. If he ever saw her again, he would tell her.

He would tell he how he really felt about her. He turned his head to the door, the sounds of Carl's laughter filling the air. At least in all this, his son was able to enjoy himself. Besides Pol, Carl was attached to Michonne. The way he latched himself to her presence even in the prison was surprising, and now even more so that she had found him.

Carl astonished Rick many times over. How cold he acted towards him in the prison, the latent frustration apparent as they escaped together. But this easy going side to Carl, the kid who ate 112 ounces of pudding was the one he wished he could be.

At least if Carl didn't open up to Rick as often, he had Pol. Or now he had Michonne, who was making me laugh. Doing a damn sight better than Rick was. He thought bitterly to himself.

"You alright?" Michonne walked in wearing new clothes, she had found around the house.

Rick was stuck wearing his bloody clothes, his face still bruised and cut up from altercations with the Governor and with walkers.

"Yeah, I guess." Rick shrugged as Michonne sat at the table, his thoughts reverting back to a certain woman.

"She's alive." Michonne said determinedly, referring to the woman she knew Rick was thinking of.

"You don't know that." Rick glanced at the ground, feeling embarrassed he wore his emotions so plainly, usually so well hidden.

"No, but I have to have faith." Michonne clasped her hands together.

"don't you?" She looked over to him.

"I don't know. I just don't." Rick shook his head hopelessly.

End of Rick's POV

I rolled over on the wooden planks in between the old rail tracks. We had been following the path for a good while but the light of day quickly faded and we were forced to camp underneath an overhead metal bridge.

It was uncomfortable as hell, but Mika was nestled besides Tyreese all sleeping soundly. I was lying down a little further away from them, unable to adapt to our harsh sleeping conditions even though I was absolutely exhausted.

I huffed in annoyance and got up, joining Lizzie and Carol who were keeping watch.

"Can't sleep?" Carol watched me approach her with an amused expression on her face as she cradled a sleeping Judith in her arms.

"It's not funny. And no." I sat down on the other side of Lizzie in exasperation.

"You okay Lizzie?" I checked with the young girl who was looking out into the forest.

"You can sleep Lizzie. I'm ok." Carol gave her a fond smile.

"If there's trouble I can take Judith. I can help." Lizzie's wide eyes turned around to face her.

I tried to keep the worried expression off my face. I know what happened the last time she tried to take care of Judith, it could be that I was delirious from the lack of food and sleep but it was almost like she tried to stop her breathing.

I talked to Carol about it a few days ago, turns out I wasn't the only one noticing her alarming behaviour.

"You really think you can help me?" Carol tried to play it off as a joke.

"I know I can, ma'am." Lizzie replied assuredly.

"Do you guys think there will be kids there. At Terminus?" She asked after a while.

"Well we don't know what we'll find there." I frowned pushing my knees up to their chest.

"If their parents kept them safe, like Tyreese and Pol kept you all safe." Carol answered more hopefully.

"I kept Tyreese and Pol safe. There were people shooting at them. I shot them, first a man and then a woman. I didn't mean to shoot her in the head." Lizzie looked troubled.

I wrapped an arm around her shoulders comfortingly. It had seemed so long ago I almost forgot about that. She had saved us.

"Yes you did." I gave her a warm smile.

"You had to, you saved them." Carol smiled.

"Maybe, there's other kids there. Even if their parents couldn't keep them safe, maybe they kept their parents safe." Lizzie stated.

"Did you have kids?" She asked Carol suddenly.

I looked at Carol, a brief moment of shock and hurt passed over her face but it was quickly replaced by a small smile. Sophia, Atlanta, Shane, it all seemed so long ago now and insignificant.

"A kid. A daughter." Carol answered.

"What was she like?"

Of course it was natural for Lizzie to be curious about Sophia, but I was worried it would bring up old memories, open up old wounds for Carol. Then I remembered it was Carol, she was strong and didn't let anything faze her.

"She was sweet. Didn't have a mean bone in her body." Carol paused in thought, her eyes glassy.

"Is that why she isn't here now?"

"Yeah." Carol replied her voice wavering.

"Do you miss her?" Lizzie questioned again.

"Every day." Carol looked outwards towards the rail tracks.

I gave her a sad smile when she returned her attention back to us.

"Did you ever have kids?" Lizzie asked.

"No." I shook my head.

"What about a family?" She innocently asked. I froze for a moment, remembering my horrible father, all the years of torture and pain we endured from him.

"Not really." I answered uneasily.

"Go to sleep Lizzie. Lie down next to your sister." Carol urged her.

"I'll need you tomorrow." Lizzie gave Carol a hug and me a smile before she went and settled down in the tracks.

"You alright?" Carol asked as I nodded.

"You?" I asked as she mimicked my actions.

"Just dredged up old memories." I said, tracing the old scar on my back.

"Yeah. We gotta focus in the now anyhow." Carol shrugged.

"Speaking of, have you talked to Tyreese yet?" I asked her.

"No, he won't even look at me. How is he supposed to forgive me? I killed his girlfriend." She said quietly.

"Well you need to tell him all the stuff you told me. Like you're remorseful and you regret it." I explained.

"Because I can see the guilt is bothering you, it's eating you up." I looked at her in concern.

"We've got more important things to focus on anyways. Like getting to Terminus." Carol said dismissively.

...

"Is it hurting?" I sat beside Tyreese the next morning, taking the linens off his cut.

"No, it stings slightly when I bend it." Tyreese flexed his forearm.

I looked at the cut, which was taking unexpectedly long to heal. It was open slightly and there was a sliver of red emerging from it.

I looked back at Carol and Lizzie who were making a hole into the tree.

"You guys still not talking huh." I stated looking back at the man beside me.

"She killed Karen and David. I'm not going to forgive her just like that." A look of anger passed over his face.

"I know." I tentatively placed my hand on his forearm calming him down.

"I know it's been a while since it happened, but I still think about her everyday." Tyreese looked at the rail-track.

"I know buddy." I patted him on his arm.

"I hope everyone is still alive. I hope they're safe."

A few minutes later Carol emerged with a amber liquid on her silver knife.

"Tree sap?" I asked as she knelt down before Tyreese.

"Yeah, it should stop the infection from spreading and bring the fever down." Carol replied.

Tyreese angled his position away from her, there was still a tense atmosphere between them since the revelation. Carol moved the knife closer to the cut.

"May I?" She asked for permission from him as he grunted in response.

"Take that as a yes." I gestured for her, as she laced the liquid over the wound. Tyreese flinched in pain she spread a thick even layer.

"It burns." He gritted his teeth together.

"Sorry." Carol mumbled apologetically.

"How far out from Terminus are we?" I asked the two of them. Carol finished with the tree sap as I tore a strip of my t-shirt from the sleeves, leaving me sleeveless underneath my leather jacket.

I wrapped the clean cloth over the wound as Tyreese looked at me gratefully.

"3 days? 4 days out?" Tyreese suggested.

"I'm not sure. We haven't passed any more of those maps at the railway crossings, we could be a lot further for all we know." I shrugged.

"Lizzie's tough." Tyreese looked over warmly at the young girl sitting by her sister.

"Yeah with people." Carol commented causing Tyreese to look at her strangely.

"What do you mean?" He directed his question towards Carol. I glanced in surprise at the other woman, her expression equally shocked that he had spoken directly to her.

"She's confused about the walkers." Carol replied.

"Yeah I noticed that too. Back at the prison, when people were infected. Me and Hershel saw it." I felt a pang of sadness at the mention of him. I wish he was here, he would know the right things to say, what to do. I missed him.

"She doesn't see what they are, she thinks they're just different." Carol said.

"Yeah well she's young still. You can't expect her to understand fully." Tyreese said passive aggressively.

Carol chose not to answer, it was best not to anger him any further. They had made progress today, and that made me slightly hopeful.

We were off once again, walking along the rail tracks. Carol was making pleasant conversation with the girls about Tom Sawyer, leaving me with Tyreese to walk at the back. I looked inside his rucksack, laughing fondly at the baby sucking her fingers.

"What?" Tyreese raised an eyebrow.

"She looks so goddamn cute in there, I wish I could take a picture. Show it to Rick and Carl." I smiled widely before my face fell.

"If we ever saw them that is." The mood dropped around us.

"Mika and Lizzie look like they're in better spirits." Tyreese pointed out as the girls laughed and walked with Carol.

"She was close with them, she used to read to them back at the prison. Kind of like their surrogate mum." I smiled at Carol interacting with the girls. I looked back at Tyreese who maintained a serious expression.

"I'm sorry. I forget how hard this is on you, I should've talked to you before automatically letting Carol back with us." I apologised as Tyreese shook his head.

"S'alright. I know you go way back with her. And she did save you, so that's something." Tyreese acknowledged.

Carol turned around and began walking back towards us.

"We need to stop for water, I'll take Mika with me to help. You guys stay here." Carol instructed.

"I can go find it." Tyreese asserted.

"You've got a fever, and you should rest that arm." Carol suggested.

Tyreese's jaw twitched as he looked at Carol with an incredulous expression.

"Fine." He grounded out.

The four of us settled down against the trunks of large trees along the track, as Carol and Mika went to go find us some water. I held Judith in my arms, rocking her as she fussed and moved. I was thankful she hadn't started her screaming yet, because then we'd be in real trouble.

I bounced her in my arms, blowing raspberries on her tummy as she giggled.

"Who's a good baby?"

"Yes you are." I cooed, rubbing my nose against her face.

"Judy. Judy Judy bo-budy." I started singing causing Tyreese to look at me strangely.

"What?" I looked at both of them.

"The name-game?" I glanced at Lizzie who shook her head innocently.

"Oh come on guys, none of you?" I looked at them disbelievingly.

There was faint growling coming up ahead from the tracks.

"Mood-killer." I groaned as Tyreese began to stand.

"Sit." I said sternly handing Judith to him. I pulled out my machete and looked at the walker, it's leg bone had snapped and it was lying helplessly between the tracks, unable to move snapping it's jaw at me.

"Sorry sack of shit." I shook my head about to thrust my knife into the head.

"No! Sometimes we have to kill them. But sometimes we don't." I turned around watching Lizzie come up behind me.

"Okay, that's true. But this one could unexpectedly hurt any one of us. It could get you or me, Judith, Tyreese, Carol. Even Mika. So even if it doesn't look like much of a threat, it still can be." I explained calmly.

"You're wrong. It's not doing anything." Her tone was emotional.

"Sorry Lizzie, I can't risk that." I thrusted the knife into the neck of the zombie, it's growling stopped immediately. Lizzie looked at me as if I had betrayed her as she stomped back to Tyreese.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, following her as Carol and Mika came barrelling out of the woods, looking excited.

"Look what we found!" Mika shouted.

We had been exceptionally lucky. Finding the small cottage was a stroke of pure luck. Carol led us through the treeline until we came out to a clearing and then stood the house behind a fence of barbed wire.

"There's a well full of water, the walls aren't much but it's better than nothing. There's deer lurking in the woods so we could hunt one." Carol said optimistically.

"What are those?" Mika pointed to the nuts.

"Pecans."

"It almost seems too good to be true." I said unsure looking at the property.

"We could stay here a day or two, before moving on to Terminus." Even Tyreese was looking in better spirits than before as he looked at the house.

"There's a fire." I looked at the thick column of dark grey smoke which was rising into the air.

"Maybe that's what's drawing out the deer." Carol stated.

"I wonder how it started." Tyreese followed our line of sight.

"You stay out here with Judith. Me and Carol can clear the house." I said to Tyreese who reluctantly stayed with the girls.

"There's one in there." Carol said as I joined her at the door.

"It's movin' a little. We could go from room to room, clear it out carefully if we're quiet." Carol planned.

"Mika and Lizzie, you guys keep watch while Tyreese looks after Judith. Pull out your guns." Carol ordered them as they pulled out their weapons.

"Ready?" I looked at Carol who nodded holding her knife. I pulled out my own machete and opened the door quickly scanning the environment.

Carol nodded at me as I stepped into the house. The floorboards creaked slightly as we attempted to be as light-footed as possible. It was an ordinary looking house, there was broken furniture scattered in the reception area. We moved to a living room, the sofas were intact and there was an old TV pushed into one corner.

"Clear." I whispered as we moved to the next room.

"Where's that walker gone?" I said quietly. We could hear it's moans and shuffles a few minutes ago, but it seemed to have disappeared.

Suddenly there were three rapid gunshots from outside. We forgot the house and ran outside seeing a walker on the ground, with smoke coming out of the barrel of Mika's gun.

"Are you alright?" I placed a hand on her shoulder as she nodded.

"You protected them Mika." I smiled at her.

Judith was crying in Tyreese's arms as he attempted to calm her down.

"SShh I got you baby girl." Tyreese whispered rocking her.

"You guys okay?" I checked with them as Tyreese nodded. He took the crying baby inside the house, to not draw any more attention towards them.

"Why are you upset Lizzie? You scared?" Carol asked the young girl who was sobbing.

"No." Lizzie's voice wavered.

"Then why are you crying?" Carol demanded more forcefully.

"I don't want to say." Lizzie ran off in and sat down on the metal bench. Mika followed her and placed a hand on her sister's back.

I shared a worried look with Carol as we watched them.

"She's young still. It might be her way of coping with all this." I gestured around.

"Whatever it is, she needs to understand fast. Mika does and she's younger." Carol said concerned.

"Just look at the flowers Lizzie, like you're supposed to. Count with me." Mika rubbed a hand on her back, calming down her fast breathing.

"One. Two. Three." There were brightly coloured flowers just to the side of them.

We made our way inside the house and set up our packs around in the living room. Evening hit and we got a fire going, Carol had crushed multiple pecans which we ate for dinner and we put Judith to sleep. The other four settled in the living room whilst I wondered around the house trying to find the bedrooms.

I walked around slowly, we already cleared the rest of the house but I wanted to be sure. I walked into one of the empty rooms. There was a double bed. I frowned, this must've been a husband and wife's room. There were some picture frames on the wall of a beautiful young couple smiling happily into the camera.

In another picture was a brown haired baby boy, with wide eyes and a big smile. I felt tears form around my eyes. Families like these destroyed by the damn apocalypse. And now I was never going to be able to start one of my own.

I shook my head out of the self-pitying. I had a family, the group are my family and they had to still be out here somewhere. I had to hold out hope for them, so I could keep going. For Judith, Carol, Tyreese and the girls. I wandered into another room which was painted a sky blue colour. There were stuffed toys dotted around the room and the crib in one corner. The baby.

The room held too much pain as I walked into another one. There was a single bed in one corner with a few pillows, a desk and a large wardrobe on the opposite wall.

The room was bare but it was neat and tidy. I sat down on the bed, fingering the duvet. It was soft. I laid my head back against the bed, sinking into the comfort. We were lucky enough to find something like this. I was grateful.

A short while later I made my way back to the living room finding Tyreese in an armchair, Judith sleeping in a crib, Mika playing with a doll and Carol with Lizzie crushing pecans.

"Guys, the beds are amazing." I whistled, as we set up small lamps around the room.

"The girls can take the double bed in the big room if they want." I suggested to Carol who agreed. I settled down on the ground beside Mika who held a red haired doll.

"We should live here." Mika said.

I gave Tyreese a small smile as he sighed contently into the chair.

"It's been a long time since I've been in a living room, in a house." he said as Carol smiled at him.

"It's nice."

...

The next day, I woke up on the heavenly bed I slept in. And it was the best night of sleep I had gotten in weeks.

I allowed myself to lounge a little longer before I reluctantly got up out of bed and opened the wardrobe which had a few clothes strewn about.

"Someone owned too many dresses." I muttered to myself. They were brightly coloured floral designs which did not appeal to me at all.

"Come on give me some T-shirts and jeans." I sifted through the rack of clothes until I landed on the most plain looking ones I could find.

I walked downstairs to find our little cottage rather empty with Carol in the kitchen. She was boiling water in a kettle over a gas stove.

"Good morning." Carol said to me inspecting a map on the table.

"Hey." I came and sat opposite her.

"What's Lizzie doing outside?" I glanced outside the window seeing her run around with a stick and laughing loudly.

"Oh shit." My face dropped.

Carol followed my line of sight as we both gasped in shock. Jumping up from our seats, I grabbed my machete and ran outside.

"You get away from it! Right now Lizzie." Carol screamed at her as Lizzie stood between the walker and us.

"No, no, no, no. No no no." Lizzie held her hands out as the walker lunged towards her.

"Lizzie!" I called out as I pushed her towards the ground, landing besides her.

Carol tackled the walker, stabbing it in the head with her knife, effectively killing it.

"No!" Lizzie screamed in distraught as I looked at her disbelievingly.

"She was playing with me, she wanted a friend." Lizzie got up crying.

"Lizzie, are you mad? You could've been hurt." I exclaimed helping Carol up from the ground.

"She wanted to kill you." Carol shouted at her.

"I was gonna lead her away." Lizzie continued defending.

"You were going to die!" Carol was losing her temper now.

"It's the same thing. You killed her! You killed her! It's the same thing! What if I killed you?" Lizzie screamed into Carol's face.

I pulled her arm back as she shoved me off harshly.

"You don't understand!" She screamed at me.

"Lizzie. Lizzie." Carol said calmly now, sympathy in her eyes.

"Lizzie stop." I said firmly as she shoved me. I stumbled back a few steps as she continued screaming at Carol. Carol took her anger and frustration, just looking at Lizzie sadly.

Lizzie began hyperventilating harshly and took deep breaths in before she fell to the ground and began crying over the walker. Carol shook her head and looked at me, as I watched Lizzie fearfully.

There was something unnerving about her. Something completely terrifying. And shit if it didn't scare me like hell.

A/N: This chapter has less action and more dialogue, also I feel its a little all over. But I hope you guys like!