Reviews
neobeserker
I don't plan to have a harem in this story. Red-X is more the love and leave the kind. That might change later depending on if I decided to stick to the plot I planned or to change things a little.
stengerz6908
Red-X is an anti-hero I guess. Straight up villains are hard to write without either making them stupid, camp or so evil that people can't relate to the character.
Alan
A Witcher Gothic would be so cool. I played Witcher Two and it was fun. Slay monsters, shag some elves and magic girls, and get some treasure. What's not to love.
Author Note
Another funny chapter. Might be a bit soon to lighten the mood given that things haven't been that dark, but there isn't a place for this chapter later in the story. Besides once the idea popped into my head I had to write and I had time to kill while doing laundry around my Mum's house.
DC Gothic – Red-X
Part 9
Adventures In Babysitting
Down Town – Jump City
I was in a good mood. Slade was pleased with me for playing my part in tricking Robin so well, my sword work was coming along nicely, and even better I'd managed to get the night off.
Which I was going to take advantage off. I was in a nice new outfit I had a wallet full of money, and the night was young. My plan for this evening was eat out somewhere nice, go see a movie, and then when the clubs were open I was gonna go on the pull. I even had a flat in a nice part of town to take a girl back to.
Jinx was technical still my girlfriend but it was best to keep my distance from her as the less she was involved with Slade the better off she'd be. Plus I didn't love her, I and didn't feel guilty about the idea of cheating on her.
As I turned around a corner I felt someone tug on my arm. It was some kid in a Raven costume, only it was white for some reason rather than blue. The brat had even dyed her hair purple. Some fans really went too far.
"It's a little late for Halloween" I remarked.
I concluded that there was a fancy dress party tonight and this kid must have gone separated from her parents, there was even a costume shop on this street so it made sense.
"Are you lost?" I asked "Is someone looking for you?"
The brat was just sucking on her thumb like she expected to me take care of everything. Which to be fair most small children did expect that level of service from adults.
"Call" the little girl ordered.
I assumed she meant call her parents. It would be a good idea if I had their number. I might be thief, a trickster, and when it came to relationships I really only cared about the sex. But I wasn't the kind of person just to leave a child alone in the big city. I would get her home, and then got out find an older female to shag, maybe this brat's Mother, if she fit and single.
"Sorry, kid. I don't know the number" I told the child.
The little girl then opened her other hand and I picked up a Teen Titan communicator. I thought it a prop to go with the outfit, at least until it started making noise. I'd held one before and I knew how to used it.
I opened the communicator and saw Robin's face staring back at me. Judging by his background he was somewhere with a lot of trees.
"How did you get Raven's communicator?" Robin demanded to know.
I had no idea how such a thing could end up in the hands of a small child, but this was a strange world so I didn't worry about that.
"Wobin!" the little girl called out.
"She had it" I answered
I then pointed the device and the little girl and the brat reached for communicator, but I was too tall for her.
"What did you do with Raven?" Robin snarled.
"Nothing" I answered "this little girl had the communicator I haven't even seen..."
I'd just figured it out. This was Raven. It seemed that I couldn't go a day without those blasted kids stressing me out in some way.
"You better not have..." Robin started to say.
I pressed the mute button and waited for him to stop making threats or whatever it was he was doing.
"Seriously, kid. You're going to have an aneurysm if you don't calm down" I warned "Now slow down and speak clearly or I will hang up".
For once he took my advice.
"Fine" he agreed "Just don't hurt Raven".
Like I'd hurt a child. I might be evil, but I wasn't that evil.
"Wobin! Wobin! Wobin!" the girl called out
"Shhh!" I told the brat.
She ignored me and kept calling for her friend.
"I'm not going to hurt some kid. I found her on the streets down town all by herself. I was going to take her home, but if you're going to be an asshole I can just leave her here".
Well I would drop her off at the nearest police station really.
"No you can't leave her alone!" Robin called out "You have to take care of her no matter what".
Just because I'd 'saved' him that didn't mean I cared about him or his team.
"Look I'll hand her over to the police" I said "You can pick her up later".
That didn't appease the Boy Wonder.
"Wobin! Wobin!" Raven called out.
At this point she had taken to jumping up and down, as if to see if she could still fly.
"You have to look after her, X" Robin urged "She's in danger".
Well I could see how this would be the case. Even the police wouldn't be able to protect her if some of the super crooks found out how vulnerable she was right now.
"I am not babysitting for you" I said firmly.
Sure I'd have a better chance of protecting her than most, but I was a bad guy, not supernatural child services. I did not spend my time caring for magic using toddlers.
"This isn't the time to argue" the Boy Wonder was now saying "Raven isn't like other people, she at least knows you and that will help".
I did not like the sound of this.
"Help with what?" I inquired.
She was like three years old, maybe four, what was she going to do cry loudly and stamp her feet.
That was when Raven slammed her foot down like an upset child would and every car alarm around us went off at once.
"She still has her powers!" Robin was now shouting.
I could see that, and hear it. It was also proven again when Little Raven told the cars to shut up, and they did.
"She can't control herself" Robin explained "If you leave her alone, and she get's up set then people will get hurt".
I was starting to see how bad this could get.
"Please. I don't have anyone else" Robin then said.
Well he could be far away, as could the rest of them. Heroes couldn't just drop what they were doing and rush here at a moment's notice. The world could be ending.
"Wobin?" Raven then said with a sniffle "I scary".
She was at that, but really she meant scared
"No. No. No. Damnit!" Robin shouted. "Make her happy!"
The cutest Titan's eyes began to fill with water.
"How?" I asked
"Make her happy" Robin ordered "Pick her up so she can see me".
I scooped up Raven and propped her on my hip so that she was eye level with Bird Boy's image. However she didn't even look at the small screen she just leaned into me and sort of gurgled a bit.
"You're a natural" Robin said with a smile.
Actually I was. Kids did like me. I just didn't return the favour as I'd gone off them. Being a criminal it was for the best. I was hardly a good role model.
"Bite me, Bird Boy" I replied.
That amused him but the smile didn't last long.
"Raven's powers are tied to her emotions." Robin then explained "If she gets scared, or mad then you'll notice. Trust me".
"How bad could it get?" I asked, worriedly.
Robin took a moment to answer.
"Well a while back we watched a horror film, and she got scared. She then brought our fears to life and the fears nearly killed us all".
That was not of the good.
"And it could be a lot worse because now she doesn't have any control" Robin added.
No this was not of the good, this was of the bad, in fact it was the very bad.
"Please look after her if only keep the city safe" Robin requested of me.
She was snuggling into me right now so I figured that if I took her home she might just sleep until I could hand her over to someone.
"It's just for a few hours" Robin then said "The Justice League is still rebuilding and the people they could spare are with the rest of the Titans. We're dealing with a major forest fire out here".
Well that explained why he was out in the middle of no-where. He must be directing the effort to put out the inferno. Raven was important, but if enough people were danger they'd take the risk of leaving her with me. Well Robin would as I had helped him, and sending a stranger wouldn't help as at least Raven knew who I was.
"Fine, fine" I said, giving in "Just call me on this thing when someone she knows is free".
Without saying goodbye I closed the communicator and started to make my way to my apartment.
(Line Break)
Down Town – Jump City
"Teddy!"
Everything had been going so well right up until we past by a toy store that a huge Teddy Bear in the window. Little Raven wiggled out of my arm and ran right up to a window display, and then pressed her nose against the glass
"Teddy!" she called out.
Already I knew this was going to end up with me carrying both a little girl with unstable powers and a Teddy that was nearly as big as she was
"Want Teddy" Raven informed me.
I'd totally called it.
"Okay let's go and have a look inside" I decided "You can have one teddy".
"Ig Teddy" Raven requested
By that I assumed she meant 'Big Teddy'.
"Sure just remember you have to carry it" I cautioned "but yeah you can have a big teddy".
Little Raven's eyes lit up with excitement, and not in normal way they actually glowed for a few second.
"Yaaaay!" she then said in a way that was both scary and adorable.
She toddled to the door and tried to pull it open, but she wasn't quite tall or strong enough, so I went and opened it for her. Then she rushed inside so she could inspect all the toys. Hopefully her hands were clean, otherwise there would be a lot sticky hand prints soon.
"Is she yours?" a woman with a kid of her own asked.
The woman was someone's Mum and the idea of banging a MILF was appealing right now.
"No I'm just babysitting for a few hours" I said, before starting to tell lies like a proper criminal "She was at a fancy dress party with her friends but her parents had a crisis to deal with so I have her for the evening".
That was when the cutest Titan tried to drag me off to the doll section of the store.
"She's a big Raven fan" the youngish mother commented.
"I Rayen" Little Raven said "Me welly Rayen!".
Personally I didn't think anyone would believe that, and who could blame them as even in her line of work this was all very strange.
"It's just a phase" I lied "Next week she'll be a princess, or a ballet dancer".
I had no children myself, in either universe, but I was an older brother so I knew what little kids could be like.
"My son's the same" the pretty MILF said "I got him a firefighter's outfit for Halloween, he wore it all week and flooded the back garden".
I smiled upon hearing that, and the lady used her spare hand to brush hair out of her eyes.
"What's his name" I asked.
"Sam" I was told.
"So he was Fireman Sam" I said with a chuckle.
That made no sense to the hopefully single Mum so I said.
"It's a kid's show where I'm from".
I was sure she'd been about to say more, but my charge for the evening could no longer wait.
"X. Wanna teddy" Raven called out
Not very good timing but ignoring her wouldn't paint me in a positive light.
"I have to go" I said to the woman "Duty calls".
While that encounter hadn't had time to go anywhere I was sure that Raven could be a chick magnet if used the right way.
"Teddies!" Little Raven screamed as we found the cuddliest things in the store, baring Raven herself.
That when I found that the Teen Titans had plushies, and that Robins was so dorky, which amused me right up until I found the Red-X plushies.
"You've got to be kidding me!" I shouted.
My outburst drew Raven's attention and she was far happier about the stuffed Red-Xs than I was. She grabbed the biggest one and hugged it close. That made me wonder if she liked me or not, but I put that aside as even if older Raven did have some sort of attraction towards me it didn't matter as we were enemies, it was silly to think otherwise.
"Raven, do you want anything else?" I asked in the hopes of changing her mind "You like Starfire right, everyone likes Starfire.
Well not me, but I didn't dislike her either.
"Or maybe a Beast Boy?"
That got surrounded by dark energy of some sort and thrown over to the other side of the store.
"E smellz" Little Raven.
Maybe she hit the real him from time to time. I wouldn't mind if she did.
"Shall we get the rest for all your friends?" I asked the smallest Teen Titan.
I wasn't sure how they react to getting Plusie versions of themselves but if nothing else it might keep Little Raven distracted for a while.
"No wan this" Raven said while holding up the Plushie me.
It was weird to see myself as kids toy. Plus it had been brought out so quickly. I hadn't even been wearing the outfit for that long, and it wasn't like I paraded about in public with it on.
As we headed to the counter the sound of struggles could be heard. I picked Raven up and carried her so I could see what was going on without having to worry about her running off.
What I saw greatly concerned me. It was Toyman if I wasn't mistaken, and he had freaky puppet head on as disguise but other than that he looked like a half sized Mr Rogers with a water gun. No doubt it was full of acid.
"Money. Now." the crook said as he shook the barrel of the acid firing water pistol at the old woman behind the counter "All of it!"
Then Toyman fired his weapon and melted a collection of brightly coloured ponies which had been until now decorating the counter.
"NOOOO!" screamed Raven.
The acid pistol was crushed into a ball by Raven's weird powers, and then it melted before our eyes. However the tiny Titan was not done yet. Toyman was thrown through the window, before he could recover from that a lamp post twisted and moved to ensnare the crook.
"Cool" I muttered.
Also I was wondering how the hell I'd ever escaped form this girl. She must have been going easy on me.
"Okay that's enough" I said to Little Raven.
"You saved my life" the old woman at the counter "and you trashed my store".
I'd had done neither of those things, but still I felt compelled to say something to defuse things.
"Sorry about the mess. I would stay and help you out for a bit, but I've.. got to get... this little girl down for a nap".
Before something ended up being wrapped around me.
"Here's some money" I said while piling hundred dollar bills on the counter "For the teddy and the window".
Raven was how hugging plusie me like it the best teddy ever. She was so strange, it was like didn't she know she was suppose to arrest guys like me.
"What about the acid damage" the woman asked "We don't have insurance for that".
I put down some more money and then got the hell of there before the police arrived.
(Line Break)
Down Town – Jump City
"Food" said Little Raven as she mimed eating.
"I have food at home" I told her as walked hand in had"You'll have to wait".
She stamped her feet again and once more car alarms went off it what sounded like the entire city.
"NOOO!"
Her screamed pretty much ended all noise, but that might actually be because I went deaf for a short time.
"Don't do that again!" I ordered.
Her eyes filled with tears and she sniffed. Any second now I'd likely be drowned by water.
"Fine, Raven. How about a Happy Meal" I offered "I need a coffee anyway".
She giggled with delight, and everyone around us suddenly burst out laughing, it was like she had projected her emotion into their minds only it didn't work on me for some reason. Mt only theory was that I was immune due to being from another reality.
"Right then we need a McDonalds" I said.
They were all over the UK so there had to be loads here, and that turned out to be case as I soon found one.
"Ungy" Raven said as I opened the door.
She skipped to the counter and I wondered for a moment if this was actually the real Raven at all.
The girl, who looked old enough to be in college, working behind the counter looked at the tiny Titan as if she was the most adorable thing in the world. Even when she somehow climbed up and knelt on the counter.
"Sorry about the kid, she's got a major case of munchies" I explained.
That was accepted as an excuse. But the staff wouldn't like if the tiny Titan didn't behave so I grabbed hold of Raven and held onto her.
"So, what do you want, Sunshine, a Happy Meal as planned or do you want to be more daring?" I asked.
"Appy Meal!" Raven called out.
"You heard the little lady" I said the young woman behind the counter.
Thankfully this was fast food so soon enough Raven had the box, and I handed over another hundred-dollar bill.
"The change is a tip" I told the woman in uniform "You might end up earning it".
That made no sense, but she could end up wishing she had more money. Therapy was expensive.
"Er. Um. Th-thank you?" said the employee.
We found a table, but things started to go wrong at this point. Very wrong.
"Need a wee" Little Raven informed me.
I really hoped she was potty trained.
"Then go" I said
She just tugged on my arm.
"You'll have to hold it" I told her "I can't take you to the girl's bathroom".
The tears were only seconds away and then bad things would happen.
"I can take her" a women with her own little girl offered "I need to take mine, so it's no trouble, really".
Letting Little Raven go off with a stranger could be unwise, but if I let Raven wet herself she would make me pay for it sooner or later. I imaged there would be more twisted lamp posts involved.
"Thanks" I said "I'm going to get a coffee would you like something?".
I'd forgotten my drink so now was a good time to go get it.
"No that's fine I'm going to order after we visit the rest room" the woman told me.
"Go with the nice lady" I told Raven "I'll be right there when you get back with your food".
"Kay" Raven said.
They went off and I ordered my coffee before returning to the table. A lot of people were around so when the mother returned Raven to me I offered to share our table.
"Come on, Raven. Let's sit down" I said the tiny Titan.
With gusto the midget hero started to devour her food. It was an incredible sight as really she shouldn't have room for it all. Hopefully she wouldn't throw up because I had a horrible feeling that it would mirror that scene from the Exorcist, assuming it wasn't worse.
After going to get their food the new MILF was back and her daughter, who was a dark haired blue eyed beauty like her Mother, somehow made friends with Raven. How anyone could so easily become pals with the moody emo Titan was a mystery to me.
"She's really cute is she yours?" the woman asked
"No, I'm babysitting her for a friend" I said.
I had just called Robin a friend. I so needed to commit a crime soon otherwise I'd start feeling like a nice person.
"She was at a costume party but her parents couldn't pick her up because of something to do with a fire. They live outside the city so they might be a while getting here".
Which was true for the most part as Titan Tower wasn't exactly in the city, and there was a fire.
"Oh I see" the pretty lady said "And she's a big Teen Titan fan. Mine is to. She's got all the plushies"
I wondered if any of them ever saw a cheque for licensing out their image because I sure hadn't. But it wasn't like I could sue for it. That said maybe a visit to the head office of whatever company made them was in order.
"What's she called?" I was then asked.
"Rachel" was the first name that popped up into my head.
"I Rayen" Little Raven declared "Weally".
Still she seemed surprised that no one took her at her word.
"But don't call her Rachel" I advised "She's really Raven of the Teen Titans".
Lying to people could be so much fun, but telling them the truth and having them think it was a lie was something else.
"My little one's called Claire" I was informed "She's already planning to marry Robin when she grows up".
"Wobie wuvs Star!" Raven informed the whole building.
Like everyone didn't already know.
"I wuv Robin!" Claire shouted with equal volume.
Really I couldn't have cared less as long as this led to me at least getting a phone number form this woman. But deep down I had to admit that it was a little funny.
"But I don't think Red-X is a good role model for children".
Little Raven still had her stuffed Red-X. She had propped the damn thing on the table for all to see a few seconds ago
"Red-X is just a guy in a suit" I said.
"He ex" Raven told the woman while pointing at me "He Ex"
Thankfully no one got what she was trying to say.
"So no kids of your own, yet?" the woman asked.
She only looked to be her early twenties so I could well imagine her getting knocked up in High School. It happened sometimes and there was no wedding ring on her finger.
That was when I also noticed that Little Raven was gone, but she'd only rushed off to the ball pit with her new best friend so I didn't panic.
"No I'm not settled" I replied "Well not yet, my job keeps me up all hours so I haven't found anyone".
I could pass for my a guy in his early twenties, or even as young as sixteen depending on how often I shaved and what clothes I wore. It was a skill.
"What do you do?" I was asked next.
I didn't answer right away as I was keeping an eye and a ear on Little Raven. So far nothing had exploded or otherwise gotten destroyed.
"Oh I do security for high tech firms" I fibbed "Alarm systems and the like. It pays well".
That was when the Titan communicator went off and I excused myself for a moment. It looked like Little Raven would soon be going home.
(Line Break)
Titan Tower – Jump City
"You look most cute, Friend Raven" said Starfire as she opened the door to Titan Tower "Thank you for taking care, Friend Raven, The Red-X"
"Star!" Raven screamed while gesturing to be picked up.
Starfire did just that and then instructed Little Raven to say thank you to the nice super villain for taking care of her. That was weird.
"Yeah. Okay" I replied "You're welcome".
I walked off as the door closed, and I wondered how my life could get any stranger. I didn't think it was possible. Also I found that I was already missing the super powered brat.
Hopefully I wasn't getting broody.