Cyborg Gothic
Part 24
"So this is your planet?" I asked King Kai.
The king was a small blue being who had insect like antenna sticking out of the top of his head. He was far from the strangest looking creature I'd seen, but he was not what I had been expecting. However that didn't mean that I failed to take him seriously, as for all I knew King Kai was the Master Yoda of martial arts fighters.
"Yes it is" the alien being replied.
It wasn't much of a world, it was round like a planet and it had the things a planet should have, such as ground, sky, and even vegetation, only it was a tiny, tiny place. It was if someone had come along and fired a shrink ray at the world. To make it stranger everything on the planet was normally scaled. The house, the car, and even the tree were the proper size and they could have come from Earth.
"Cozy" I commented.
I had no intention of insulting a being who was some sort of god, and that had been the only nice thing I could come up with.
"Now that you've arrived on my planet we can prepare for the Otherworldly Tournament" the teacher was now saying "Many brave and skilled warriors from across the universe will soon gather for a contest that will decide who is the greatest fighter of them all, and I want you to win".
Since I was missing out on the tournament back home it made sense to compete in one here. If nothing else it would be a good test of my skills, and since I was still waiting to go back I needed to do something with my afterlife.
"But before we go we must ensure that your training is complete" King Kia went on to add "Your fight with Broly makes it clear that you have mastered many power Ki techniques and that you have a great fighting style. However there are much subtle uses of Ki that I think you know nothing about, and I can teach you them".
I had no idea what Ki techniques he was going on about so I asked, and soon I got an answer.
"Mind Reading. Telepathy. Telekinesis. Ki sensing over a very long range and of course the Spirit Bomb" the king guy answered "Also you must learn to shield your own mind from outside influences, or you may fall victim to insidious mind control".
Learning to resit mind control did seem like a good use of my time. I was pretty sure that Princess Snake had at the very least been able to influence my choices with some sort of magic.
"I won't have time to teach you more than the basics of Ki sensing and mind shielding" the alien told me "as the contest will take place soon".
As long as the Otherworldly Tournament was a contest that only tested fighting prowess then this wouldn't be a problem.
"But first of all you must learn to control your Super Cyborg form" Kai then said "I was able to observe your battle with Broly, so I know that this ability is similar to Goku's Super Saiyan power, so only he can teach you how to control it".
There were a few issues preventing that.
"How's he going to do that?" I asked "He's alive I'm dead".
People couldn't just visit the afterlife. If they could then no one would worry about dying because as it turned it out the process was really no big deal. Dying sucked, but once you were actually dead things got a lot easier.
King Kai chuckled softly.
"That won't be a problem" he assured me "But before we begin any training there is a test you must pass".
I assumed it would be some test of my fighting prowess.
"Tell me a good joke" the small blue eye instructed.
I was a little stunned upon hearing that.
"You want to hear a joke?" I asked.
King Kai nodded and then simply stood there as if waiting for something.
"Well I'm from another reality so I must know some jokes you've never heard before" I said to the guy who owned this small planet "Okay so how about this...".
I was just about to tell King Kai what could be the funniest thing he had ever heard when suddenly he raised his hand. I watched as the alien's antenna began to twitch.
"Hold on I'm getting a call" he informed me.
Since he had no phone I assumed that his antenna allowed for some sort of long range telepathy, this made sense as speaking directly to someone's minds was something that he had promised to teach me, therefore he had to be a master of such a talent.
"If you want to listen in just place your hand on my shoulder" the king guy instructed me.
I did just that and in my head I heard what sounded like someone being hit by an angry woman.
Get back here, Goku!
That sounded like 18.
No you have to hit him like this
That voice had belonged to another woman, and it sounded as if she had taken over hitting Goku.
"What the heck is going on?" I asked.
It wasn't the king who replied.
Oh hey Gothic, is that you?
Since I could be heard verbally I decided to speak.
"Why is 18 hitting you?" I inquired.
Given that the Saiyan was one of the few beings in the universe who totally outclassed 18, it was strange that she was attacking him.
I just told her about what happened at the end of your fight with Broly. She's mad about the Spirit Bomb.
Now things were starting to make some sense. Although not totally as I was wondering why it had taken Goku this long to tell everyone what had happened.
Then I told her what King Kai told me about you and Princess Snake, and 18 got very upset. She's using Chi-Chi's special frying pan.
Suddenly being dead didn't seem so bad.
No Chi-Chi don't give it back to her!
"Hey listen I need to warn about some threats" I said to Goku "I haven't got much in the way of details, but things just as bad as Broly are going to turn up sometime after I get back. So you all need to prepare. Train as hard as you can, and...".
That's it bash him on top of the head!.
At this point I decided to let go of King Kai's shoulder as this wasn't getting me anywhere.
"Maybe its a good thing I'm not going back right away" I said "Eighteen would just kill me again if I came back to life".
Then there was an odd sound behind me, and I turned around to see Goku and my sort of ex-girlfriend, who was holding a frying pan.
"Ah good you're here!" said a delighted King Kai "Now after I get my joke you can began to train...".
The ruler of this planet was interrupted when 18 speed towards me and hit me with the implement in her hand. It wasn't until the pan connected with my head that I realised how much danger I was.
"That hurt!" I yelled.
As did the follow up blows. They caused me so much pain that I couldn't focus on anything other than trying to protect my head.
Thankfully 16 raised my personal shield, and for a moment I understandably thought myself to be safe. Only that proved not to be the case as the frying pan somehow went right through the barrier and hit me on the head.
So I did the only thing I could do. I blocked the next blow and while it hurt my arm it did buy me enough time to backflip on to the roof of King Kai's small but nice looking home.
"How the hell..." I started to say.
I never got to finish as I something knocked me off the roof, and when I landed I saw 18 standing where I had been. She was glaring at me, and for a moment I wondered if it was actually possible to die when you were already dead.
"Can we talk about this?" I asked.
I was able to dodge the next few blows, and out of the corner of my eye I saw King Kai watching me while stuffing his face with a popcorn.
"Oh this so much better than television" the blue guy said to a monkey and a grasshopper "Live comedy can't be beat".
Now I was getting annoyed. I was not here to be mocked.
"Right that's enough" I decided.
I reached out and grabbed the handle of the frying pan. 18 let go of it and when she did that the kitchen implement suddenly increased in weight so much that it dropped to the ground. I went with it, and no matter how much effort I put into lifting the pan it wouldn't budge.
"Yeah I can never lift that thing either" said Goku "Its some kind of magic. Only an angry women can use the Frying Pan of Man Beating".
That didn't stop me from trying to throw the damn thing into outer space, not that I had any luck doing that.
"I get believe you married someone else!" 18 yelled "Now we can't get married. You jerk".
She decided then to kick me in the shin. Compared to the magical frying pan that attack barely registered.
"Actually you can" King Kai corrected "Marriages here in Otherworld are a lot like those on Earth. If someone comes back to life, like Gothic will, then they aren't married in Otherworld anymore. Just like when you die on Earth your marriage there comes to an end".
That actually made sense to me. After the rule 'till death do us part' was still in effect, and death here was just another stage of your life, so going back a step should change the states of your relationships.
"Hold on does that mean Chi-Chi and I aren't married anymore?" Goku asked King Kai.
He looked rather upset by the idea. Which struck me as odd since his wife indulged in domestic violence. Although given who he was with I could forgive her.
"I guess not" answered the blue alien "Coming back to life doesn't mean you're committed again to the relationships you were part of when you died".
Goku looked horrified.
"Oh Chi-Chi's not going to like this" he said.
Thankfully for him I had a solution.
"You could always renew your vows" I suggested, while still trying to lift the frying pan "It's like having a second wedding. Tell her that you want to get married again, and she'll be fine".
In my view most women loved any event that gave them an excuse to wear a pretty dress.
"And Gothic isn't really married to Princess Snake anyway" King Kai was now saying "The ceremony she preformed was meant to allow her to drain all of a man's life force in order to have a child, and since Gothic is still here it didn't work and therefore he isn't married".
Now I was confused, but I soon sorted it out.
"So I'm still single" I said.
That turned out to be the wrong to say as 18 suddenly picked up the frying pan and started hitting me with again. Then just as suddenly she stopped and I looked up to see that my abusive ex-girlfriend floating in the air while trapped in a bubble.
"Okay that's enough" King Kai said "It's stopped being funny, and Gothic has a lot of training ahead".
18 was not sanguine.
"You two can get married when he gets back to Earth" the blue alien was now saying to Eighteen "But until then I'll keep him too busy to even think about women".
It was amusing to see the blonde cyborg sitting in the bubble fuming away, because she was helpless to act.
"Fine" I agreed "But no more magic frying pans".
I did love her despite how mental she was, and once I was alive again I was sure we could work things out, but I was currently dead and to me that actually meant something.
"Okay" said 18 "I can wait, but if so much as look at another woman I will come back and hit you so hard you'll never see anything again".
That actually scared me as I didn't think it 'seeing' that she was worried about and didn't think she would go for my eyes.
"Great!" shouted Goku "We can have a double wedding when you get back. Chi-Chi will love that, and I'm sure Bulma won't mind paying for everything. She loves parties".
At this point I was thinking that it was best to cross that burning bridge when I got to it. I still had more than ten months before I got wished back so I could panic later.
"Wonderful" said King Kai as made the bubble pop "It'll be a magical day I'm sure. Now everyone who doesn't live here needs to go home. Gothic has training to do".
Judging by the look 18 gave me as Goku teleported her away, my thinking was that it would take about ten months for her to calm down.
"Do I have to go back?" I asked King Kai.
The blue guy shook his head.
"Not if you don't want to, but if you don't then she just come after you with that Frying Pan" I was warned "And next time I won't stop her".
That was worrying.
"I'll just have to find a way to destroy it" I figured.
Although getting married might be far less work.
"It can not be destroyed. It was forged in the red hot kitchen of a powerful and scorned goddess" I was then told "You see her husband committed adultery many times, and this greatly hurt his wife, so the heart broken goddess poured all of her anger and disappointment into the Frying Pan. Now the pan can only be wielded by a women who... well lets just say husbands and boyfriends should behave themselves".
I thought about that for a moment.
"So if 18 isn't mad at me she can't use it" I reasoned.
King Kai nodded.
"It is a most dangerous weapon, Gothic" he said "For the sake of all men you must not let 18 get too upset. For if other scorned women learn of its power from her, many lives may be lost".
Well there were worse reasons to marry someone, and most of the time the cyborg wasn't that hard to live with. Plus I did love her, it was just that to me being dead meant letting go of the people I'd known in life. However that didn't work when they could teleport to where you were staying. I had to redefine how I saw things.
"Okay fine I'll get married" I promised "Now can we please get on with the training".
King Kai smiled.
"Well watching her hit you was very funny so I'll train you even without a joke" the teacher decided "But first we should have lunch".
I was mostly okay with that.
"Just nothing fried" I requested.
Understandably I had gone off fried food.