A/N: I took some liberties with the episode True North in this episode. 1. Because it worked for me and 2. Because the actual writers have obviously done so with the fairy tales so I figured it wasn't that big of a deal. Also, a big thanks to Panzerbelle and Chrmdpoet for giving me some excellent advice concerning my writing. I hope it shows through with this chapter. If it doesn't, just chalk it up to an old dog having problems learning new tricks. I'll catch on some day. :)
As always, thank you so much to those of you who take the time to review. It means the world to me.
Chapter 8
Regina woke to the first few rays of dawn as they slipped through her east facing window. The sun illuminated not only her perfectly smooth, olive skin, but also the absence of a lighter shade that she wished to be entangled with. This had been a theme over the last week any time she requested the sheriff's company for the evening. They'd wait for Henry to fall asleep, sneak quietly up the stairs, make passionate... well, she guessed it couldn't really be called love, but something, and then Emma would dress quickly and leave as if she were disgusted with both herself and the entire situation.
The emptiness that assaulted Regina when morning came was overwhelming and for some reason she just couldn't seem to shake it. Much as she'd hoped to easily slip back into the skin of the Evil Queen, it was proving more and more difficult to keep up the charade. It wasn't just about sex for her and she ached to know if Emma felt the same way. She couldn't get those gorgeous green eyes to lock with her own when they were together in bed. Which made it all the more difficult to figure out what was going on in the beautiful blonde head.
Did Emma feel anything for her now? Did she have any clue that Regina was hurting too? If she did, would she care?
This had all gotten way out of hand. Especially internally. She was no longer able to substitute intimacy with sex the way she'd done before. She knew that if there was any kind of chance for her to access that level of intimacy with Emma, she would have to shed some of that armor and become vulnerable with the one person able to hurt her most at that moment.
She opted to remove herself from the the mockingly empty bed in hopes that a shower might clear her mind enough to figure out a way to soften her image in Emma's eyes. As she turned on the shower and disrobed she caught a glimpse of her bruised and scratched body in the mirror.
Dark eyes misted over as she took in the wreckage. Emma's body, no doubt, looked quite similar but probably a little less worse for wear. Regina didn't like this either; not specifically the acts themselves because, in the moment, each give and take only heightened the intensity both parties. But the lingering reminders that they produced only made the reality of her situation more magnified in the harsh light of day.
She stepped carefully into the shower and allowed the fiery streams to ignite her skin. She wished she could wash it all away. All of these feelings. They were what had gotten her in trouble in the first place. They were what threatened to break the curse.
Why couldn't she just go back to business as usual like she did with Graham? He hardly ever stayed the night after their encounters, and she generally preferred it that way. She didn't care if he felt anything for her or if he cared how she felt. Why did she have to feel this way now?
But even as the questions echoed in her mind over the soft sound of pelting water, she knew the answer.
She wasn't in love with Sheriff Graham.
"Ok, Doc," Emma stated from her slouched position on Archie's couch, "you've had a week to think about it, so lay it on me. What kind of crazy do you think I am?"
"Emma, as I told you before, I don't think you're crazy," he answered sincerely. "I'm just not sure what's causing your delusions. You've been so solidly ingrained in your doubt of Henry's world that it simply makes no sense for you to succumb to it now."
"Actually, I'm not talking about the fairytale stuff," she explained "I can't prove it yet but I know that's one huge ball of messed up reality. What I'm talking about is the fact that I think I may be in love with the Evil Queen. You're just going to have to treat me like you do Henry with the 'delusion' that surrounds my actual problems."
"But Emma, you do realize that what you're saying is wholly impossible, right? Fairytale characters, Evil Queens... these things just don't exist in the world," he argued.
"Not in our world," she countered, "but they did in another world, and they found their way to Storybrooke. Until I can prove that to you, you are going to have to operate on the premise that I am right, and treat me as such, because I have got to have a place to let all of this out Archie or I really am going to go crazy."
"Alright, alright," he put his hands up as if to calm her. "From here on out your Storybrooke is the same as Henry's Storybrooke. But I'm going to warn you, the rules of my office still apply. If any of this leads to the endangerment of yourself or others then I will do whatever I have to do to ensure safety."
"Calm down, Archie," she requested. "Regina and I may go for each other's throats a lot, but I'm not going to kill her."
"Hey, it's not as if that's such a ridiculous assumption to make," he countered. "Now, tell me a little bit more about how your feelings for Regina are affecting you."
She breathed out a sigh of frustration before she spoke, "Well that's sort of a problem in itself. One part of me hates her for what she's done to me, to the town, to herself even. She has done so many horrible things. Horrible things that have affected my life whether she meant for them to or not. But then... Then I remember how good she could make me feel when I got that brief glimpse into who she is without the magic and the desire for control. I see how much she loves Henry and how great she's raised him."
Her gaze drifted to the floor as she also considered the sadness that continued to creep into Regina's eyes every time they were in each other's presence: specifically whenever Emma would escape into the night after their time in bed together.
"I also feel bad about myself because I know I'm hurting her too," she finally revealed.
"How are you hurting her, Emma?"
"We haven't stopped sleeping together," she admitted. "And most of the time it's... intense... maybe even aggressive. Especially on my part. It's like the one place with her where I have any control. I can make her feel things on my terms. I can deny her what she wants... or give it to her… roughly."
She looked up at his eyes expecting to see shock or judgment lurking behind the frames of his glasses but she was only met with understanding, so she continued.
"The worst part is the end," She explained. "And it's the worst part because I know this hurts her and I do it on purpose. When we finish up, I always just grab my clothes and leave. She rarely ever says anything but when I manage to take a quick glance at her face there's always this kind of masked pain there. She won't admit it but I see it. And if I'm completely honest it hurts me too."
"Then why do you think you do it?" he asked.
She thought for a moment about how to express what she was feeling and green eyes started to mist over. A lonely teardrop fell quickly down her cheek right before she answered him.
"Because however much I may love and hate her, I feel the same way about myself. When I treat her that way it feels good but it also feels dirty. I want her to feel the same way. And because I love her, I hate myself for it. Because I love myself, I hate her for everything she's done… and that justifies my actions."
Archie felt terrible for them both, especially the woman before him who was absolutely torturing herself.
"Your physical interactions," he started, "are they something that she requires?"
"No," Emma shook her head, "she's specifically said that all I have to do is say 'no' and that's that."
"Well, then my suggestion is that you certainly stop being physically intimate with each other until it can be expressed in a much healthier way," he explained. "I know you think that you gain the upper hand in those instances, but it comes at a terrible cost to both of you."
Emma clenched her jaw. She had a feeling he was going to say that.
"So what? I just give up the one thing that allows me to have control?"
"No, you simply figure out another 'thing' you can have that still allows you that control."
"Like what?"
"You're the one who believes that we're all a bunch of fairytale characters that've lost our happy endings," he answered with a hopeful smile, "why don't you try to get them back."
She regarded him as if he were the one that should be seeking professional help.
"But you don't believe that," she accused. "Isn't that basically just sending me off on some wild goose chase that will lead nowhere?"
"You already told me that what I believe doesn't matter in this room," he explained. "I am advising you under those conditions. You're the Savior, Emma. Go out and save us."
Before she could answer she felt the familiar pulse of her cell phone vibrating in her pocket. Taking it out she noticed that the call was coming from the station and put her finger up to signal to Archie that she had to take the call.
"Sheriff Swan," she answered.
Archie waited patiently, trying to eavesdrop but he didn't have to for long before Emma gave a reassuring "I'm on my way" to whomever was on the other end.
"Sorry Doc," she said as she stood to leave. "We're going to have to cut this session short. I've got some candy bars to save."
As Emma arrived at the pharmacy she saw Regina exiting with Henry.
"What's going on?" she asked, concerned. "Henry wasn't mentioned by the dispatcher."
"It seems that those two hooligans inside tried to frame ou-" she corrected herself, "my son for stealing an array of different products from Mr. Clark. You and I both know that Henry doesn't steal, so I'd appreciate it if you'd take care of the thieving juveniles inside."
Emma rolled her eyes at the dramatic description and ignored Regina altogether to address Henry.
"You ok, kid? Is that what happened?" she asked.
"Why would I lie to you about this?" Regina argued, irritated by the blatant rebuff by the sheriff. "Do you want to believe that Henry steals?"
"No, but in case you forgot, Madam Mayor, I am the Sheriff and I need to get both sides of the story before I can just make an arrest, and you weren't present for the crime," she fired back.
Regina simply shook her head and instructed her son, "Go ahead, Henry. The sheriff is actually deciding to take her position seriously today."
Henry felt like laughing at their bickering but he kept it from showing on his face.
"That's basically what happened, Emma," he admitted. "The girl inside was distracting me so that her brother could slip a few things in my backpack without me noticing. I didn't know they'd done it until Mr. Clark stopped us at the door."
Emma smiled at him and fluffed his hair, "Thanks kid, I knew you'd tell truth. Maybe your mom will take you out to Granny's for a milkshake since you've had such a hard day."
A smile crossed his face as he looked up expectantly into dark eyes.
"I guess she will now," Regina narrowed her eyes at the sheriff in frustration. "Come on, Henry. Let's go load you up with sugar and fat."
"Thanks, Mom!" he took her hand as they made their way to the car. "Bye Emma!"
She waved back at him and smiled as she made her way into the pharmacy to assess the damage.
Regina was trying to play catch up at work since she'd taken a substantial part of the morning off to deal with Henry's altercation, making the unscheduled knock at the door a rather annoying distraction. She was surprised to find Emma stepping through once she'd given the order for her to come in.
"Sheriff," she acknowledged. "To what do I owe this pleasure? Are you here to talk me into allowing Henry a keg-party for his troubles today?"
"No, I'm sure the milkshake sufficed," she had to keep herself from smirking. "I'm here to talk to you about Ava and Nicholas."
"What about them?" Regina asked, finally looking up from her paperwork to give Emma her full attention.
"Seems they've lost their dad," she answered, moving closer to the desk. "I think you probably know where he is."
"Why would I know that?" Regina asked, forgetting how much knowledge the sheriff was privy to now.
"Are we really going to act like you don't know about everything that has happened in this town... and outside of it," Emma put her hands on her hips in frustration.
"Right," the dark head nodded. "You want to know more about who they were, rather than who they are now."
"You got it," Emma confirmed. "Now are you going to make this easy and tell me or am I going to have to keep them at my place until I've rifled through Henry's book long enough to find out where they belong?"
Brown eyes grew sad as she dragged them away from the green depths of the sheriff's. The last thing Regina wanted Emma to do was go through every single horrible thing she'd done according to Henry's book... especially where it concerned children. She'd already become a big enough monster in the woman's eyes. She didn't need to add fuel to the fire but she also didn't want to make it easy for her.
"When was the last time you had that death trap you call a car serviced, Sheriff?" she asked. "If you're going to be looking after two lost children with a sweet tooth I'd assume you're going to be making a lot of trips to the candy store."
Emma looked at her quizzically. Not because she didn't get what the mayor was inferring but because she didn't think that she'd actually be so forthcoming with the information.
"Don't look so confused, Ms. Swan," Regina continued, thinking she needed to explain further. "Surely I just left enough bread crumbs for you to follow."
"So, they are Hansel and Gretel," the blonde head nodded, "and the woodcutter works at the shop."
"I guess that's what you'll have to find out," the mayor offered, directing her attention back to her paperwork.
"Ok," Emma said as she left to leave. Then, just before she closed the door she looked back and said "Thank you, Regina."
The door closed just before tears started to flow freely down the mayor's face. She'd done so many terrible things in the past; even to the innocent. She'd separated Hansel and Gretel from their father, even though they'd done what she asked, simply because they'd rejected her offer of affection. Maybe, with the Savior's help, she could make things right for them now. It certainly didn't excuse her actions, and she knew that, but perhaps a small modicum of redemption was possible through the actions of the noble sheriff.
It wasn't easy but, after a lot of convincing on her part, Emma was able to get Michael to accept that he was the father of the orphaned children. As she watched the elated scene unfold she thought about how good it felt to be a part of it. And how she probably would never have figured it out if it weren't for Regina's help.
Maybe Dr. Hopper was right. Maybe she could find peace with Regina by bringing all the happy endings back. If she did that, surely the paranoid mayor wouldn't be so terrified about what would happen if the curse was broken and she'd give Emma her life back. She was starting to rethink her position on the applicable use of therapy altogether.
She was pulled from her reverie by the sound of her phone ringing. She noticed it was Regina before swiping to answer.
"Sheriff Swan," she offered, professionally.
"I trust you found what you were looking for, Sheriff?" Regina asked, hopefully.
"Yep," she answered. "Your breadcrumbs lead me right where I needed to be."
"Would you like to follow another trail back to my home for dinner tonight with Henry and me?" the mayor asked.
Emma paused for a second. She knew she shouldn't push her luck but she decided to anyway.
"Is that a demand or request?" she asked.
Regina took a deep breath as she answered, afraid of what might happen after.
"A request," she finally confirmed.
Emma felt her heart touched by something she thought impossible to be coming from Regina. It forced a smile across her face.
"I'll be there," she said.
"Fine," Regina said more nonchalantly than she was feeling. "Seven, as usual."
"Seven it is," Emma assured before hanging up the phone and walking to her car with more confidence than she'd had in quite a while.
Dinner was livelier than it had been since the change in Emma and Regina's relationship. There was a lightness to it that affected all three participants and it was refreshing to all. So refreshing, in fact, that it caused a confidence in Henry to ask a question that he'd been wanted to ask for quite some time now.
"Are you guys together?" he simply threw it out there, causing both women to choke on the contents within their mouths.
Emma was the first to recover enough to cough out a sentence.
"What…" she cleared her throat, "what makes you think that, Henry?"
"Oh come on," he rolled his eyes. "You guys have been nice to each other for over a month now. And, I hate to say it, but I know that you spend time together upstairs after I've gone to sleep. You aren't that quiet, and I'm ten, not stupid."
For some reason Regina was actually looking to Emma to handle this situation. In all her years raising Henry she hadn't developed a plan to explain the idea of her sleeping with his birth mother.
Emma was shocked at the silence on Regina's part and even more bewildered at the look in her eyes that seemed to say she was relying on Emma for an answer. The thoughts that raced through the blonde head were going in about 8,000 different directions. She certainly didn't want Henry knowing about the fact that she was sleeping with his mother but something she wanted even less was him thinking that they were just using each other in that way.
"Smart kid," she said, opening with a compliment to get on his good side. "How do you feel about all of that?"
"Well, I guess good," he said, surprising both women. "I mean, it makes you both nicer to each other."
Chocolate and emerald eyes locked from across the table as they shamefully took in his words. They'd been anything but nice to each other since the possession bottle was introduced to their interactions. At least Henry hadn't picked up on that. They looked back to him as he continued.
"I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a little weird since..." he was about to allude to their fairytale rolls but caught himself at the last second. "Since you guys seemed to hate each other before but I'd really like it if you kept being nice to each other. And if you have to be a couple, or whatever, to do that then it's fine with me."
Silence continued to fill the space between the two women as Emma considered what to say. It was annoying Henry.
"So, are you?" he asked, allowing his impatience to shine through.
Finally Emma bit the bullet.
"Um..." she looked to Regina, trying to find the courage to answer him. "Yeah, kid, we are."
"We're sorry we kept it from you, Henry," Regina added, finally finding her voice. "We just didn't want to tell you before we knew things were... serious."
She chose the last word carefully. Things certainly were serious given that she'd sucked the life right out of Emma and kept it in a bottle that always stayed with her.
"Great," Henry offered. "Now that that's out of the way, we can talk more about what happened with Ava and Nicholas. And Emma won't have to wake me up by sneaking out in the middle of the night."
Both women's eyes widened at the implications but they tried to push their feelings down so they could get through the rest of dinner.
Preparing for bed that night was one of the most awkward moments the two women had faced with each other so far. It was completely possible that it was made more so by their pleasant interactions with each other, rather than the consistent bickering. As they both just stood there, staring at the bed, it was Emma who finally called up the courage to speak.
"Um, I didn't bring anything to sleep in," she said, deciding to address the logistics of the situation first.
"I know," Regina replied, understanding full well Emma never brought anything to sleep in because she never wanted to stay anymore. "I'll get you some pajamas."
Grateful for a task to complete, Regina moved over to the dresser and pulled out one of her softest sets of bed clothes for Emma and a sensible negligee for herself.
"Here you go," she offered, handing over the garments before moving to the bathroom to prepare for bed.
Emma was somewhat confused by basically everything that was happening at the moment. They'd certainly never done this before. Still, she decided to swiftly change out of her clothes and into the ones Regina had provided before the other woman came back in the room. It was odd that she'd chosen to go in there in the first place, they'd certainly seen each other naked enough by now not to be so shy but, for whatever reason, the action spoke plenty loud enough to be understood.
As she pulled down the covers to the perfectly made bed, she realized that this was also something new. On the few occasions she'd slept here, the bed had basically been destroyed way before they had a chance to properly turn it down. As she slipped beneath the soft, cool sheets, Regina re-entered the room.
The mayor walked over to the corner of the room to toss her clothes in the hamper and as she did Emma's eyes took in the angry bruises and scratch marks from their last physical encounter together. It elicited an ache within her heart. She hadn't had to see the after effects of their passion outside the lust-filled nights they'd been spending together.
Brown eyes caught green as Regina turned to make her way to the bed and the mayor could have sworn she noticed the sadness that existed behind them. But she brushed it off in her mind. She was getting to the point where she was scared to hope for anything with Emma, opting instead to let things play out as they might.
"I took the left side," Emma stated the obvious about her position in the bed. "Is that ok? It looked like all of your stuff was on the right side table."
"That's fine," Regina answered as she settled in and turned out the light.
A few minutes went by before Emma broke the silence again. She was going crazy inside with Regina acting so calm.
"Do you want to talk about what happened tonight with Henry?" she asked.
"I'm not sure what to say about it other than we probably should have been more careful before," Regina admitted. "But that's not exactly something we can change at this point. I do believe you made the right decision about telling him we were together. I can't imagine how damaging it would have been for him to know the truth about what's going on between us."
"What is going on between us?" Emma asked, genuinely unsure of the answer Regina would give.
"You know what's going on," the mayor answered before turning over on her side to face away from Emma. "I took your life away from you and you hate me for it."
"Things aren't that simple and you know that," Emma said as she turned her head to take in Regina's back; part of her wanting to move in and kiss every scratch that played across it. "We worked together today, Regina, in spite of all screwed up shit that's going on in the background. That has to mean something."
"It means that, once upon a time, I was wrong about something and you, the Savior, have changed things around here; changed things in me," she admitted. "You caught me on the right day and I gave you what you needed to save it. It still doesn't change the fact that all you want from me is that bottle, and I don't intend to give it to you. So, we're right back where we started: I took your life away from you and you hate me for it."
"So, that's it?" Emma asked, turning the rest of her body to follow the gaze of her head. "The only thing that really matters is that one circumstance of our situation, nothing else that revolves around it?"
"Such as?" Regina asked.
"Such as..." Emma swallowed hard and rolled her eyes at herself over the admission she was about to make. "Such as the fact that the bottle isn't the only thing I care about… that I still care about you. I may hate... what you did... what you continue to do but, amazingly enough, I still feel bad when I hurt you."
"Don't flatter yourself, dear," Regina's wall seemed to come up automatically, but they were weak. "You don't have the ability to hurt me."
"You're lying, Regina," Emma pushed back confidently. "I don't even need to see your face to call you out on that one."
Somehow the idea that Emma still cared for her made Regina even more depressed about the entire situation. It was almost comical the position she was in right now. All she'd wanted this morning was for the blonde to stay with her through the night, and now she'd do just about anything to be alone to deal with her feelings.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Just go to sleep," she instructed.
Emma obeyed simply because Regina sounded so sad and exhausted but her mind was racing at about a mile a minute. She had no idea how she was actually going fall asleep. But then, just as she'd resigned herself to trying to actually count sheep, she heard a sniffle come from the other side of the bed.
"Regina?" she called out, worried.
"What?" was the reply she received. There was both annoyance and tears present in the voice that betrayed its owner.
"Are you ok?" Emma propped up on her shoulder.
"Yes, I'm fine," she answered trying to control her voice.
"You don't sound fine," the blonde moved closer. "Are you crying?"
"No," she lied. "I'm tired and trying to sleep."
"It sounds like you're crying," the sheriff just wouldn't let up.
"Emma... please," Regina couldn't even believe the words that had just softly escaped her lips. She was actually begging for the woman to leave her alone at this point.
"Regina," she said as she moved swiftly to turn the brunette over and witness the evidence of all the pain she was enduring. It broke Emma's heart and shown through her green eyes.
"Oh God," Regina moaned in embarrassment as she pinched her brow and tried to collect herself. "Please do not look at me with pity right now. I really can't take that."
The blonde head shook as she took the hand that was working so hard on shielding the brown eyes and pulled it away, still holding on.
"It's not pity, Regina," she explained. "It's sorrow."
The brunette wouldn't have believed her if tears hadn't started to form around the green eyes looking into her own. It was time for her to shake her head.
"It doesn't matter. There's nothing we can do about this, Emma," she let the name slip from her lips for the second time that night. "We're still in the same place we were this morning. Only now we know that we're hurting each other. Even if we don't want that, it doesn't change anything. Neither of us is going to give in. The morning will come and I'll still have that bottle and you'll still hate me for it."
Green eyes blinked away the tears that would not relent in their attempt at escape.
"Then let it," she replied. "Let morning come with all of its anger and pain and complications. But forget about that tonight. Tonight let me hold you and apologize to you."
She knew it was probably one of the dumbest ideas she'd ever had in her life: all of the emotions they were sharing right now. And she knew she'd probably be angry with herself tomorrow for being so open tonight. But still, she moved a hand up to wipe away one of the brunette's tears and Regina allowed it.
Then, moving in slowly, she kissed away the drop running down the opposite side and whispered a soft, reverent "I'm sorry".
Taking in a ragged breath, Regina accepted the apology deep within her soul and moved her hands up to bury themselves in golden locks as she also accepted the actions that went with the words. She was rewarded with that one action she'd ached to experience for the past few weeks. Emma look right at her with something as close to love as either of them could manage, and then moved in to kiss her slowly and sweetly before pulling back to offer the gaze yet again. Regina's hand stroked her face softly and a sad smile forming on the blonde's lips.
Emma repeated those healing kisses across different expanses of Regina's body. She took her time with each one to lend more meaning to the action. And those lips passed over each and every mark she'd inflicted upon the woman in their moments of passion, she blessed the kiss with a genuinely honest "I'm sorry".
She was stopped as she made her way down to Regina's core. Right after removing her underwear, it was obvious where Emma was headed and though the brunette relished having the woman's skilled mouth on her, she needed something else right now.
"Can you..." she hesitated, but finally revealed her desire. "Can you please stay up here?"
Emma's brow furrowed in sadness once more. She wasn't sure how many times her heart could break in one night because she'd hurt someone she was supposed to hate. Nodding slowly she moved back up, positioning herself next to Regina; one arm propping her up and the other moving to stroke the vulnerable face next to hers.
"I'm right here," she promised, looking deeply into dark, sad eyes.
Regina swallowed the tears that threatened to spring forth again, and moved a hand up to mimic Emma's actions and caress her face before pulling her down to her lips.
As their kisses became more heated, Emma's hand wandered back down Regina's body and settled between her thighs. The sheriff gasped in surprise and ecstasy as the mayor's hand moved beneath her underwear to do the same. The entire time they worked each other up to orgasmic heights, they alternated between kissing sweetly and looking deeply into each other's eyes. When they finally fell over the edge, their gazes held and both women allowed themselves the tears of joy that escaped.
They stayed in that same position for a while; on their sides, facing each other and exchanging gentle kisses and understanding glances.
When it started to become obvious that sleep would overcome them, they settled into a more comfortable arrangement: with Emma on her back and Regina cradled at her side with her head on her chest. But before she could go to sleep, Regina had something to say.
"Emma, I'm sorry for telling you that all I wanted from you was sex that day in the office," she admitted. "It wasn't true. I guess you couldn't use your super power to see that in your haze of anger. I know it won't change anything once morning comes, but I need you to know that."
The blonde swallowed hard and kissed the dark head resting below her lips as she tried to figure out what to do with the information. When no response came to her, she simply let it drop and focused on what she wanted to say.
"I'll never use sex to work out my anger with you again, Regina," she promised. "Even if it's what you want. I won't treat you the way I've treated you the past week when we've been in the bedroom. For both your sake and mine."
They were silent for a few more moments and Emma had nearly dozed off when Regina's soft and timid voice beckoned her out of her haze.
"Emma, is there even a small part of you that wishes we could just stay like this and the morning would never come?"
The sad, honest answer took a while to wrench itself from quivering lips but, finally, a resounding "yes" surrounded them like a warm blanket that would be stolen away by the rays of a rising sun.