A/N: I'm back!! Goodness, I never realized I would take the story so far XD I actually finished it to the end, about 9 or chapters total, so I guess no one has to worry about me continuing it or not. Anyways, thanks to all for the reviews, I do appreciate them.

Warning: Yaoi in this chapter, folks. On a certain level, anyway ;) Don't like, then don't bother reading.

Disclaimer: Don't own Saiyuki or its characters.

Chapter 4

It had been a couple of days and Gojyo still couldn't muster up the courage to talk to Sanzo about his little mistake. He felt like an exile; Sanzo pretended he simply wasn't there, Goku kept giving him violent looks and ignored him while they rode in the backseat, and Hakkai could only say stuff like "You just have to try harder" or "Why are you stalling? This group can't be separated, you know, so we all have to get along with each other somehow."

I know that, damn it, he thought as he paced his room, them having once again been fortunate enough to find an inn with four different rooms for them. They were small, sure, but Gojyo usually didn't care and simply reveled in his alone time. Only this time he was filled with panic and unease, making it not so sweet as usual. He knew he had to do something soon, but by the Gods, he had no idea what.

"That's it," he said out loud. "This has got to end." The past two days had been so painful to just sit back and stare at Sanzo, not being able to talk to him or hear his voice directed towards him. Painful to know that Sanzo hated him with every fiber of his being.

He hated me before, so why am I so upset over this? He rubbed his forehead tiredly, trying to come up with an answer. Am I actually hurt by this? Is this really what I've come to?

Unable to take his wallowing any longer, he stormed out of the room and made his way to Sanzo's, being brave enough to raise his hand as if to knock but then freezing in that pose, hesitation taking over him again. What was he doing? He brought his hand down and turned to hurry back when the door opened and the monk who inhabited his every thought emerged, looking slightly startled at Gojyo merely standing there.

The red-head worked his mouth for a while before anything could come out. "Sanzo, I—"

Sanzo directed his eyes elsewhere and made as if to walk past Gojyo, but the latter shot out his hand and grabbed the blond, who immediately stiffened under his touch.

"Now listen here, monk, you and I are gonna have a little chat, whether you like it or not," Gojyo said in a low voice, acting as bold as he wished he could feel right now. His mind was screaming, No! No! What the fuck are you doing? but he paid no heed to it and focused only on Sanzo, who still refused to look at him. He pushed the monk back inside the room and followed, closing the door behind him. Sanzo was the perfect picture of fury, but he ignored it and locked the door for good measure, not wanting to be interrupted.

"All right, well . . . I suppose I should explain why I did what I did," Gojyo began lamely. "I've felt this, this . . . this towards you for a long time now, and I don't want to, but it's not leaving any time soon so I figured I might as well do something about it. And of course, well, you didn't appreciate it. I wasn't even planning on . . . well, on doing that. Not so suddenly. I didn't want to make you mad, or . . . or hate me." He paused, looking around the room and taking a deep breath. "Okay, so I'm a pervert, whatever. I suppose I deserve you hating me. But I wanted you to know that it wasn't just me taking advantage of you. I wouldn't . . . I mean, I would never want to . . . well, you know. I've seen those bastards who try to get their hands on you, and I've dealt with some of them, although you probably didn't know about that.

"And I know about that whole 'don't like getting close to people' thing you have. I understand that, really. But I figured, why bother? Isn't it better to have people who like you and you like in return, rather than having 'slaves' as companions and not being able to talk to anyone?" He knew he was treading on thin ice because Sanzo's expression kept darkening with every word he spoke. He plunged on, though. "Goku means something to you, even though you'd never admit it, but it's obvious! So you should . . . should let your guard down once in a while, and let people in . . ." He was floundering for words, now. "You should let me in, because I'm not just some pervert. I want—" Gojyo stopped himself suddenly, not wanting to say anything too stupid at this moment. "Well, is it so much to want you to be happy for once, you damn monk?"

A long stretch of silence followed his words. After what seemed like years Sanzo, still not making eye contact with him, spoke.

"Are you finished?"

Gojyo licked his lips nervously. "Yeah. I guess."

"Good." Sanzo walked towards him, and for one unbelieving minute Gojyo thought that the blond would suddenly start reciprocating his feelings, to wrap his arms around him and say, "Take me, I'm yours!" But when his common sense returned to him he realized that Sanzo was unlocking the door, apparently intent on fleeing the scene as fast as possible. Gojyo swore and stopped him, grabbing his shoulders harshly.

"Fucking KAPPA!" Gojyo winced; Sanzo was beyond pissed now. "You really want to die that badly?"

"Didn't you listen to a word I said?" Gojyo asked desperately. "You have to understand that I'm not like those other guys, I don't want to—"

" 'Take advantage' of me, right? 'Cause it looks like you're doing just that," Sanzo snarled. Gojyo quickly let go, watching Sanzo's eyes finally lock onto his. His heartbeat sped up with that gaze so intent on him. "I don't need you preaching to me, erogappa. I don't care what your precious little feelings are. I live for myself and no one else. Got that?"

Gojyo was lost for words. He wanted to tell Sanzo more, tell him that he really wasn't sorry for kissing him, tell him that he wanted to do it again. But Sanzo was glaring at him so ruthlessly, his fingers itching to unlock the door and escape from him yet again. He frowned; he didn't want that. What he did want . . . well, it was rather simple, what he wanted. And it was in arm's reach.

He raised his hand and brought it to rest against the side of Sanzo's face. The blond's eyes widened and he looked as if he were going to draw the gun again, but Gojyo stepped forward and said,

"You're just a faker. I know you care." Sanzo opened his mouth to retort, but Gojyo put his thumb against his lower lip, causing the smaller male to start. "People want to get close to you, but you won't let them. Hm. Well, I think I wanna change that." He brought his face closer to Sanzo's, watching the different emotions that flitted across violet irises. Anger, shock, confusion . . . fear? Gojyo blinked at that, wondering if he had interpreted it correctly. He stroked his thumb against Sanzo's lip gently, feeling the blond shudder.

"Why?"

Gojyo paused. The word that Sanzo had managed to croak out reverberated inside of him and he had to ponder the same thing. Why am I so inclined to be so close to him? He shook his head and came even closer, feeling Sanzo's breath hit his skin.

"Do I really need a reason?" And then he replaced his thumb with his lips, feeling that same electric shock to his system as he did the first time. Sanzo again made no move to get away, so Gojyo wrapped his arms around him and drew him closer, angling his lips to capture Sanzo's better. Sanzo made an indistinct noise, but Gojyo ignored it and slid his hand up and down his back, feeling the hard lines and contours of the monk's body. He brought his tongue forward to tease at Sanzo's closed lips, wanting access to that foul mouth of his. What happened next nearly made Gojyo jump back in shock; Sanzo granted him entry.

With a small gasp, he let his tongue slide through those hard, wonderful lips and connected with the muscle beyond, drawing a little moan from him and a sharp inhalation from Sanzo. He buried his fingers in blond locks and continued kissing the monk senseless, letting their tongues slide together in a slow dance of uncertainty before becoming a frantic battle. They were both emitting small noises every now and then, Gojyo reveling in every one that Sanzo made, making him shiver in need that was marginally being taken care of by their attached mouths. They had to break away to regain their breath after a time, but jumped right back to it as soon as they gotten sufficient oxygen back. Gojyo could feel Sanzo grip his arms harshly, enough to hurt and leave bruises, but he didn't care in the least. He was kissing Sanzo, and Sanzo was kissing him back.

He started a trail of kisses across the blond's jaw, running his tongue against a spot just behind Sanzo's ear. Sanzo gasped and shuddered, tightening his hold on Gojyo. The red-head let his lips travel down the pale neck until the damned turtleneck got in the way. Impatiently he pushed it down and attached his mouth to the sensitive skin, drawing an unexpected moan from the monk in his arms. Liking this sound, Gojyo continued these ministrations to his neck and listened proudly to the noises he could make Sanzo let out, never having once imagined that the monk could be so . . . vocal. After he was satisfied with his work, Gojyo brought himself back to a breathless Sanzo's lips and nibbled at them teasingly before slipping his tongue back in again.

His lips were not exactly soft, but Gojyo loved the feeling of them, wanting to savor every time he got to touch them with his and experiencing something that no one else had had a chance to have. He let his tongue explore the monk's mouth thoroughly as if trying to stake his territory. His taste was something Gojyo couldn't get enough of; it was as addicting as the nicotine that destroyed his lungs. He rued this latter fact when they had to stop for breath again, panting heavily with their faces close together. Gojyo saw red streaking across Sanzo's face, and just like that time on the balcony, his stomach flipped over. He moved away a little so that he could see the look on Sanzo's face and he was rewarded with lidded violet eyes, blushing cheeks and swollen, red lips. The picture made the ache between his legs all the more unbearable and he moaned out loud, diving in to claim Sanzo once again.

But this time something was different. He could feel Sanzo become rigid against him, and he stopped immediately, leaning back to see a blank expression on the blond's face. Without a word Sanzo pushed him away roughly and unlocked the door, hurrying out of the room and not looking back.

Gojyo could only stand there in stunned silence, too many emotions and sensations running through him that he did not know what to do. After a minute or two, when his heartbeat fell back to its normal pattern, he sunk down onto the bed and held his head in his hands.

What the hell just happened?

Sanzo tried to regain his breath and only managed to make it worse by thinking over what he had just done and panicking all the more. He moved through the streets of the town, getting as far as he could from the inn, not meeting anyone's eye.

Why did I do that? Why did he have to do that? What happened? His thoughts were anything but coherent, and he kept swearing out loud, making some people in the streets turn their heads his way. Attention was the last thing he wanted, so he found himself walking away from the town and towards the copse of trees nearby, remembering them from when they had passed by to get to the town. He sat with his back to one of the trees and held his head in one hand, the other groping around for his pack of cigarettes.

"Shit. Stupid fucking kappa." He brought a cigarette to his lips—still swollen and mouth still tasting of Gojyo—and grimaced.

Why did I react like that?

With a bitter snort he looked up towards the grey sky and wondered just that. He had thought he was above such things. He had thought something so absurd as this could never happen to him.

This is why I wanted to do this stupid mission on my own, he thought resentfully. I don't need others. Especially not that bastard. He thought about how tightly Gojyo had held onto him, how he had moaned into Sanzo's mouth, as if he had actually given a shit, like he had said. He brought his knees up and rested his arms on them, his head bowed.

I don't need anyone.

A/N: Angst!! Yaaay!! ahem R&R..?