So, a glimpse of the old Darcy (the one we all love and is still there somewhere!). and a new friend.
ps, I've updated with two chapters today. just in case you missed 13
Chapter 14
...
The next day saw Elizabeth and her aunt and cousin off to visit the Mitchells at Billingham manor. Elizabeth had thought to enter Darcy's room to tell him of her plans and why, but remembered the way he had responded and so had sent Betsy.
"Mrs Darcy wishes to speak with you sir."
"Why on earth has she sent you and not just come herself?"
Betsy cringed at the harsh tone "I couldn't say sir, she is waiting in her room."
Darcy frowned and strode across the room to hers.
"What is this nonsense about?"
"I am sorry, I have not the pleasure of understanding you, you are not aware of what I have to say and I do not think you would call it nonsense" she was immediately on the defensive in response to his tone.
"Why are you sending your maid to give me messages?"
Elizabeth's gaze immediately became full of hurt and anger "just yesterday I was chastised like a child for entering your room, surely even with your low opinion of my morals you would expect me to not repeat the same behaviour."
Darcy looked shocked as the veracity of her words hit him, he had told her off just yesterday for visiting his room.
Elizabeth did not give him time to recover enough to speak.
"I am to visit my friend at Billingham manor today, Lady Rachel and Eleanor will accompany me. I am hoping Mrs Mitchell will allow me to stay for a day or two. I just wanted to inform you of my movements."
She made to turn away but he put out a staying hand.
"Hold on just a minute. It is abominably rude to just up and leave my uncle's house, with barely a by-your-leave. You cannot go."
Elizabeth whirled around and faced him "I have permission from your aunt, in point of fact it was her idea. If your uncle wishes the curtesy of a conversation perhaps he should re-think cornering his guest in the library and propositioning her."
The shock and concern on his face was enough to convince anyone of his feelings for her and she immediately softened.
"I am expected downstairs." She said in a moderate tone, bobbing a shallow curtseyed and turning to leave.
He did not stop her physically but his strangled enquiry "Elizabeth, what did he..." was enough to give her pause.
She turned, eyes guarded and something inside him broke. He moved towards her and gathered her in to his arms, kissing her hair softly. "Are you well, my love?"
She shuddered out a sigh, for a minute allowing herself to remember the fear when she had been cornered. A minute later she was taking a deep breath, expelling the emotions in a rush.
"I am now."
"Will you tell me what he did?" He asked gently, holding her hands firmly as he stepped back from her slightly.
She gestured for him to sit but he drew her to the sofa and sat with her next to him and she leaned in to his warmth and comfort. She told the story, short though it was, with her eyes downcast.
"My Aunt has suggested a visit to Billingham manor has she?"
"Yes, she felt it was best. I do not wish to be the cause of another rift in your family."
His face twisted in sympathy and he pulled her to him again. She closed her eyes and indulged in breathing in his scent. The shaving soap his valet must have just used was fresh and clean and mixed with the smell that was uniquely him and so appealing to her.
"I am shocked and appalled." He said at last. "I am so sorry to have failed you. Words cannot express how sorry. If you wish to return home I shall be ready in moments. I care nothing for rifts, only for you." She let go of the breath she had not know she was holding.
He tilted her chin up and looked deeply in to her eyes and she could see he would do that for her. She held her breath against the desire that warred within her, wishing desperately to lean in for a kiss. It was almost a shock when he brushed his lips gently against hers.
He drew away at a knock at the door.
"Lady Matlock wished me to convey that the carriage is ready."
Elizabeth nodded at the footmen and rose, straightening her skirts. Darcy rose with her and dismissed the footmen, telling him she would be down shortly.
"I should like to visit my friend, if only for a day or two."
"I wish to come with you, but I suppose it is best that I have words with my Uncle and prepare to return. I shall collect you in a few days on our way back to Pemberley. If that suits you?"
She smiled and agreed and he once again drew her close, whispering words of apology in her ear.
Darcy walked her to the carriage and watched her drive away. She felt more comforted in the last half hour than for the preceding three months of marriage. She did not like to think that last night could bring about a positive outcome, but she would not dismiss the good from fear of the bad. As she always said, look on the last as it brings you pleasure; and the last half hour had been pleasurable.
...
Both the Mrs Mitchells were thrilled to see their friends. They had been a quiet party at Billingham this year and the unexpected guests were quite welcome. Lady Rachel and Lady Eleanor stayed for a light luncheon and left early afternoon, promising to visit more often.
Mrs Samantha Mitchell was delighted to see Elizabeth again.
"Oh Elizabeth! 'Tis so wonderful to see you."
"I am not imposing?"
"Oh la! If I cannot find space for an old friend from Hertfordshire at Christmas then what good is this house?"
Elizabeth laughed "I thank you!"
"I am assuming you were not getting on well with the Matlocks? Although mother and daughter seem pleasant enough, so one of the sons, daughter in law or current Earl?"
Elizabeth looked down at her hands, she had forgotten how inquisitive and perspicacious her friend could be.
"You do not have to say anything, my dear. But sometimes it helps to talk about these things."
Elizabeth smiled up at her friend, who leaned forward and hugged her tightly. "Another time perhaps?"
...
The next day was spent catching up on all that had changed. Hertfordshire news was discussed and dissected.
"Charlotte settling does not surprise me, but that man sounds like a bumbling idiot" they both laughed.
"He is certainly one of the silliest men in England, but she seemed content when I visited last Easter."
"I am glad she is settled, and if Longborn has to go out of the Bennet line, at least you can be certain Charlotte will look after it."
Elizabeth sighed "I suppose you are correct."
"Are you ready to talk about your Christmas or shall we start on your marriage?" Samantha gave her a sly look.
"Oh Sam," Elizabeth sighed, "I suppose both come together."
"Then let us call for tea and cakes and then we shall not need to be disturbed."
Elizabeth laughed and they talked on inconsequential matters until the pot of tea and a tray of sweet cakes were presented.
"Shall we start with what has driven you here?"
"Well, I knew the Earl did not really approve of me..." Elizabeth started and told the story of what she had heard between Darcy and the Earl in London, how she had thought things were better and finally the altercation in the library.
"That .." Samantha paused "I cannot think of any polite words."
They both giggled slightly.
"Do you trust Lady Rachel to handle things?"
Elizabeth thought for a moment "I am likely to take my own precautions when next we are residing in a house together, but yes, I am satisfied matters will be dealt with. I doubt she will be placing us next to each other at dinner or any other uncomfortable positions. I am sure Darcy will help also. I would rather not have to talk to him again, but I suppose it cannot be helped."
"I think you are correct about the potential gossip that a breach in the family would provide."
They were both silent.
"Why did you not just go home? Was there something else?"
Elizabeth looked long and hard at her friend, her gaze was open and inviting and did not contain any judgement.
"Are you happy in your marriage?"
Samantha frowned "yes of course, are you not? You always said nothing but the deepest love would induce you in to matrimony."
"And so it did" she looked down again.
"But..." Samantha prompted
"Things just don't quite seem right, I cannot understand exactly." She paused, Samantha just waited for her to continue in her own time "when we were courting it was wonderful, a few stolen kisses, a touch to the hand, he even wrapped me in his arms once and lifted me up, twirling me about, it was thrilling." Sam smiled a knowing smile.
"But since we have married... Well things are ... He is everything I wanted in a husband. In public he is solicitous and kind and we have spirited debates and he takes an interest in what I am doing and asks my advice sometimes. We practice magic often and he teaches me things most people would not think suitable for a lady to know. He does not restrict me and appreciates my skill and my opinions."
Samantha raised her eyebrows "he sounds ideal."
"In public, yes. In private...well... Things are different."
A frown crossed both their faces.
"You are going to have to be more specific."
Elizabeth blushed and Samantha smiled.
"Oh Lizzie, you mean marital intimacies?"
Elizabeth nodded, blush deepening on her cheeks.
"Does he not visit you often?"
Elizabeth shook her head.
"Come now Lizzie, Tis me, I cannot help if you do not tell me what bothers you so. I am a married woman, I know what happens in the bedroom."
Elizabeth looked up, took a deep breath and plugged ahead "oh Sam, I do not know what to think. The first time he told me to heed my mothers advice."
Sam scoffed, she was familiar with Mrs Bennet "did he even bother to check what that advice was?"
"Yes, he did" Sam looked surprised "he told me to do as she said."
"What was the advice?"
"She had said to lie still, no noise, that sort of thing."
"And he agreed to this?"
Elizabeth nodded "is that not" her voice was quiet "I assumed that was how things went."
Samantha sat still "no kisses, no touching?"
Elizabeth blushed, breaking eye contact and shaking her head. Samantha didn't say anything and when Elizabeth looked up she had a puzzled look on her face.
"Tell me what has happened since that first night."
"He visits me every few days, he asks me to lie down, although these days I do not need telling. He lifts my gown and well... You know" Samantha nodded "it's always over quickly, he will sometimes give me a quick kiss and then, well, he leaves"
"He sleeps in his room?" Elizabeth nodded, "have you ever gone to him?"
"Not for that reason?" When Samantha looked puzzled Elizabeth explained about Christmas morning.
"Does it bother you? His visits?"
Elizabeth thought for a moment "I had expected something... Different. The kisses we shared as an engaged couple were, well pleasurable. There is nothing pleasurable about his visits. But they do not bother me as such, they don't hurt and he is done quickly. I just.."
"You wanted something more?"
"Does that make me wanton? I feel like it does with they way Darcy reacts whenever I do something"
"Like what?"
She told him about the kiss she had initiated in the study and his reaction to it. Samantha continued to look puzzled. After a few minutes she took a deep breath.
"I cannot work it out. He is not behaving like I would expect from a man newly wedded to a wife he loved. From what I know of him he was quite reserved, quite proper. I did not know him well but it is possible that he just has a sense of propriety which extends to private life as well as public. I cannot explain the courtship, but maybe that was what he was taught was the way to behave when courting. I am guessing."
She paused, Elizabeth indicated she should go on.
"Men usually have some experience of women when they enter the married state. It is common to have a mistress pre marriage and many young men will visit a specific type of courtesan to learn how to be with a woman. It is possible Darcy knows none of this and so has no knowledge of how to get the ... shall we say.. the most out of the bedroom."
Elizabeth frowned .
"I will not explain my dear, for it may make your situation harder. Would you marry him knowing what marital intimacies are like?"
"Of course" her answer was immediate and heartfelt.
Samantha smiled "that is good. When faced with a difficulty such as this you have a number of choices. You could talk to him about it and find out if there is something wrong, some way that you could work together to make your shared experience ... More"
Elizabeth pulled a face and Samantha laughed.
"You could just manage your own expectations and accept that things are this way, if the good parts of the marriage out weigh the bad then you may have to accept things. Or you could forge your own path. Many married couples live separate lives."
Elizabeth balked at such a suggestion and Samantha placed a calming hand on her friend "I am not suggesting you run away with the stable boy" Elizabeth let out a laugh "but if things become too hard to be in the same house, well" she shrugged " he has more than one house."
Elizabeth looked down "I do not wish for that."
"Then maybe you should bring a sister to stay for a while, any time you need someone to embrace you can go to your sister. And who knows, sometime soon you may have a child to lavish your attention on. I know you, Elizabeth, you need physical contact, you are always hugging your sisters, or holding hands or the like. I can see why you find it hard to have a husband who does not wish for that level of contact."
Elizabeth heaved a deep breath "thank you Sam, I cannot tell you how much better I feel. I had worried that I was wanton or there was something wrong with me. But the way you have explained it makes me feel much happier."
"I am glad I could be of service. Now I believe it is time to ready for dinner. We have a few more days until your family will come and collect you, I do not believe we will have snow but maybe there will be enough ice on the little pond tomorrow and we could try ice skating?"
Elizabeth smiled and agreed to such a scheme and retired to her room to ready herself for dinner.