Talking To Yourself II

"Okay, so it looks like you're going to have to sit through some more of these films." Korra looked at the camera, "A lot has happened since I made that first one. As you have no doubt already learned, I'm an alcoholic. I'm not here to make any excuses; if attending the AA meetings Bumi's friend put me onto have taught me anything, it's that I need to accept that I have a weakness. I don't like to drink, but I like the way it makes me feel, and I have to learn to live without that. I'm now almost nine months sober, although I've had some unexpected help in that regard." She stood, showing the large bump that was the child growing inside her, "I may be a lot of things, not all of them good, but I'm not the kind of person who'd poison their unborn child. Any time I feel like taking a drink, I think about this new life I'm responsible for, and that's all the motivation I need. But there's more to it than that, a lot more."

"When I was... coming to terms with my addiction, I shut myself away for the better part of a week. I didn't want anyone, especially Asami, to see what I was going through. I was... ashamed, afraid that she wouldn't love me if she saw me like that. And that was very foolish of me, because when you love someone like Asami and I love each other, there's almost nothing the other could do that would stop you loving them, and she had seen me go through so much worse. But I was alone, feeling worse than I have ever felt in my life; worse even than when I lost my bending, or when I was stuck in that spirits-damn wheelchair. I didn't want to die, but I certainly expected to, and so I let down all my defences, even those I keep up around my family. And at that lowest point, when I was sure that nothing else could possible hurt me any more than I had already been hurt, something happened that I still don't fully understand. Hell, you probably know more about it, sitting there watching this, then I do making it, but I had some kind of experience." Korra paused, trying to find the words to explain what had happened to her that night, "I think... I think I saw Avatar Kyoshi... I think she somehow came to me. I don't... I don't now how it could be possible; everything I know about what happened during Harmonic Convergence tells me that my connection to the past Avatars was completely severed. But I saw her. I felt her place her hands upon me and do something, even if I'm still not sure what exactly. All I do know is that before that night, I couldn't get pregnant, but now here I am, seven months gone."

"I think about you a lot these days; I suddenly have a lot of spare time on my hands. I know you're going to be an earthbender, but nothing else. I have no way of knowing where you'll be born, if you're a man or a woman, your name, what kind of life you'll have before the White Lotus come and find you. But despite all that, I feel like know you, what kind of person you'll be." Korra smiled, "You'll be brave, even if you don't realise it all the time. You'll be kind, but you'll also have the strength to turn your back on that kindness when needed. And you'll be strong, but you'll know that might does not make right. Because you're the Avatar, and we don't get chosen by accident. Still, there are questions I wish I could ask you; are you happy? Do your family and friends accept who you are? Are you finding out for yourself what it means to be the Avatar in the world I've left you? I have all these questions, and I can only hope the answer to them all is 'yes'. Yes, you are happy. Yes, your family and friends accept you as the Avatar. Yes, you have found your own balance. I hope... no, that's not the right world; I know that we'll meet one day, you and I, somewhere between this world and the spirit world, and I'll be able to ask you those questions face-to-face. But if it's all the same to you, I hope that's not for a really long time to come. I want to see my children grow up, to meet the people they will become, to see the lives they'll make for themselves, and hold my grandchildren in my arms. I want a life that's more than just being the Avatar. I hope I get that, and I hope you do too."

Korra flicked off the camera and sat in silence for a moment, one hand resting on the kicking lump that was her child. Recording the messages for the next Avatar had become almost therapeutic, a way of unburdening herself. She wasn't sure if it was such a good idea; she could very well end up giving her successor a somewhat warped view of what life was like as the Avatar, but she hoped that, by the time she made her last recording, she'd have found something important and profound to say. The child growing inside her kicked again, this time hitting her bladder, and Korra was suddenly overcome with the need to visit the bathroom. Leaving the camera on her desk with the film still in it, she left her office in a hurry.

A pair of jade-green eyes watched her leave from the shadows, and a hand reached out to restart the camera.

"Hello, my name is Asami Sato, and I'm Korra's wife. She doesn't know that I know about these films, not yet at least, and I'm in no hurry to tell her. I'm not going to stop her making them, or edit them in any way; this is something she feels she has to do as Korra the Avatar, but I felt I should tell you a little something about Korra the Woman, whom I fell in love with. You've probably read about how we met; those crazy, crazy early years here in Republic City. About how we both fell in love with a man name Mako, the same man who is the father of our children. About how I, a non-bender, became part of the so-called 'Team Avatar', and the battles we fought, side by side. So I won't tell you about that. Instead I'll tell you about how I came to realise that I was in love with Korra, something everyone else could see, but not me."

"It was after our battle against the Red Lotus Society, which very nearly killed Korra. She was so helpless, unable to do the most basic thing for herself. But even back then, I cared for her deeply, so I took on the responsibility of helping her. We spent almost every waking hour together, and trust me when I say that if you ever do that with someone you think you know, you'll soon meet the real them. I saw Korra with all her defences down, simply because she didn't have the strength to keep them up. I saw her at her most vulnerable, and it touched me in a way I do not have the words for. Looking back, that's probably when the love I had for her as a close friend became romantic love, even if I didn't realise it at the time." Asami smiled faintly, "Not that anyone else seemed to have trouble realising the truth. It wasn't long before people started acting like Korra and I were a couple, although neither of us noticed it at first. I was the first to realise what they were thinking, but I was too deep in denial about my true feelings to see what they saw. And I kept it from Korra, partly out of shame, and I think, partly because I was worried that, if I told her, I'd have to confront my growing feelings for her. Before Korra, I'd only ever been attracted to men, and everything I knew about myself told me that I was strait. Hell, everything I knew about Korra told me she was strait, so even if I had been ready to accept the truth about my feelings, how could I have been honest with her? But time passed, and I found myself drawn closer and closer to Korra, until something happened, and I had no choice but to tell her what everyone was thinking about us. She laughed, and I think part of me was worried that she was rejecting the very idea, but now I think she was also worried about her own feelings. It became a game; our little way of having fun at everyone's expense."

"But the more time we spent pretending that we were that close, the more I found myself wanting to be close to her. We'd hold hands and hug to try and shock people, but I started to miss the touch of her hand in mine, the feel of her warmth against my body. I tried to tell myself that I was just getting caught up in the game, that I probably needed to get laid before I went stir-crazy over on Air Temple Island. But then Korra started spending more and more time alone, and I'll admit that a part of me was jealous that she had found something she could do without me. I shouldn't have been, in more ways than one." Asami's hand reached up to touch the betrothal necklace around her neck, fingers toying with the four hand-calved gems, "She was making me this. Because Korra, ever sure of herself, had realised that she loved me, had accepted those feelings, and decided to jump in with both feet. I thought it was still a part of our little game when I found it in my room, but Korra pulled me down onto her lap, sending butterfly's spinning around my stomach, and placed this around my neck. Then she kissed me, our first popper kiss. We'd kissed before; a quick peck on the check as friends, and a few simple kisses when we were winding people up about our 'relationship', but that kiss was different. It was the kiss you give to someone who you love totally and unconditionally, with every fibre of your being. It was that kiss that told me it was okay to accept my feelings for her, and that I wanted nothing more in the world than to spend the rest of my life with that mad, unpredictable woman who was holding me in her arms."

"Because I do love Korra more than I do life itself; I'd die for her, I'd kill for her, I'd give up everything I own and live in an icy cave in the middle of nowhere if she asked me to. Hopefully you'll understand what I mean one day, when you meet that special someone who's the other half of your soul. Because that's what Korra is; she's the part of me that was missing, and I'll never let her go." Asami looked at the camera intently, "And now you're her, whoever and wherever you are; part of the woman I love, the woman I plan to spend the eternity with, lives on in you. So know this; no matter what may happen in your life, what other people may say or do to you, know that I love you. Because I could never not love even the smallest part of Korra. She is simply the most amazing and wonderful person in the world, and I am eternally grateful that I am hers, and she is mine."

Asami shut the camera off, and after quickly making sure that there was no sign that she had ever been in her wife's office, slipped out. The room was still for a moment, then Korra re-entered, sat down and turned the camera back on.

"So you've now met Asami. Yes, I know that she knows about these films. I never intended to keep them a secret from her, and I'm not going to look back at what she said to you, because whatever it was, well, it was said for you and you alone." Korra chuckled, "I overheard her talking about how much she loves me at the end there, and I'll let you in on a little secret, something I've never told anyone, not even Asami. I have always loved her, from the moment I first laid eyes upon her, even through I thought I was in love with someone else at the time. I saw her, and I knew that I had found something I didn't have the words for. It took me a long time to work out what that feeling was, but I'm glad I did, and I'm glad she feels the same way. So if you ever meet someone, and the entire universe just seems to fade away when you look into their eyes... grab hold of them and never let go. It may not be easy; the world may throw all kinds of obstacles in your path, but trust me; it'll be worth it in the end. Goodnight."

To Be Continued...