I'd like to think I wasn't trolling you guys as much as I was trying to build dramatic tension
This chapter has gone though a couple of re-writes, including one version where it set at an AA meeting
Talking To Yourself III
"Hello, my name is Korra and I'm an alcoholic. It has been... three years, two months and nineteen days since my last drink, but I came very close last night, closer than I have in a long time." the Avatar sat looking strait into the camera , "I know it's been a while since I last made one of these films; I was still pregnant with my son, Aang, when I made the last one, and he's almost two now. But as you're probably aware, there has been a lot going on in my life of late, so you can probably guess that the temptation to curl up in a bottle has been getting pretty hard to resist. Well, the other night I went for a walk to try and clear my head a little, and found myself sitting in a bar, trying face-to-face with a bottle, trying to decide if I should drink it or not."
"I'm not perfect. Far from it, if anything. I've made mistakes in the past, mistakes I've done my best to learn from, not always successfully. But the decision I made that three years, two months and nineteen days ago was, without a doubt, one of the good ones. But that's not to say that I'm not capable of making bad ones that go against that. It's hard, far harder than I'd like to admit, to look at Asami and see the same woman who I've spent the last seven years with, a face I know better than the back of my own hand, the mother of two of my children... and to see a stranger looking back at me. Because there's something different about her, the way she holds herself, the look in her eyes, that makes it all to clear that the woman I fell in love with isn't there any more. I don't know if she's ever coming back; the doctors tell me it's a possibility, and that I should remain positive, but it isn't easy."
Korra leaned back in her chair and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"I'm not even sure why I'm making this recording; it's not like I have any words of wisdom to pass on right now. Rather, I'm yet again showing just how much of a screw-up I am. Spirits, who knows how I must look to you; I have no idea what my final legacy will be, how you'll view me before you discover you're my reincarnation, or how you'll view yourself after. Because I keep screwing up, and every time I think I've gotten myself back up, the universe throws another obstacle in my path for me to stumble on. I've been told that how you fall down is less important than how you get yourself back up, but people who say that tend to forget just how much falling down hurts."
Korra sighed and looked at the camera.
"I have a wife in the hospital and children who are too young to understand what's going on, but on top of all that, I have my responsibilities as the Avatar to remember. And believe me, there are people who'll seek to take advantage of any perceived weakness on your part; just this morning I read a report of increased bandit activity in the more outlying parts of the Earth Kingdom, starting just days after Asami's accident. They know I'm detracted, that I'd be unwilling to leave Republic City right now, so they're making the most of it. That and I promised to go up to the North Pole for some kind of Ice Spirits ceremony that Desna and Eska have invited me to, so I have to either go to that, or be seen as disrespecting the entire Northern Water Tribe."
"A few years back, during the Water Tribe Civil War, I was attacked by a Dark Spirit and lost my memory. I ended up washing up on Bhanti Island, and the local shamans put me through a ceremony that helped me reconnect with my Avatar-self. My memories returned, all be it not all at once, and I've contemplated going back down there and asking if they could do anything to help Asami. But it was a drastic kill-or-cure situation; I'd been infected by the Dark Spirit, and if they hadn't acted, it would have consumed me, and I'm not even sure if it'd be of any help, as so far as anyone can tell, her amnesia is the result of physical rather than spiritual trauma. And if it was something that might help, I'm not sure I could stand to risk losing her totally by putting her through such an ordeal. She may not be the Asami Sato I built a life with, but she's still a living, breathing, thinking person, and even the Avatar doesn't have the right to risk taking that away from her without a very good reason. I've meditated to discuss this with the past Avatar's I've managed to reconnect with, and they're far from helpful on the matter. Some, like Yangchen, say I need to be ready let go, in case Asami never regains her memory, while Kyoshi and Kuruk say that I need to be strong and shape my own destiny through sheer force of will. After much consideration, I have come to the conclusion that my past lives are talking out of their collective asses."
Korra reached to turn off the camera, then stopped and sat back in her chair.
"I'm going to go deal with the bandits in the Earth Kingdom, then I'm going to go to the North Pole for this ceremony. I think what I need right now is some time away from the city, away from this shipwreck that is my life, to see if I can clear my head. And I'm not too proud to say that, on occasion, busting heads can be surprisingly cathartic. Maybe if I can step back and look at this all with fresh eyes... I have no idea. For all I know, I may just be trying to justify running away from my problems here, but I do have obligations as the Avatar, so I guess the moral of this rambling little recording is that being the Avatar can really suck, but that doesn't give you an excuse to turn your back on your responsibilities, even if the timing sucks."
Shutting off the camera, Korra carefully labelled the film and placed it in the box with the others, noting that Kya had returned the one containing the recording Asami had made. Putting the box and camera away, she made her way though the long hallways of the Sato Estate. Somehow, without Asami there, they seemed colder, lifeless, the staff going about their business with heads held low, almost as if someone had died. And in some ways, Korra was forced to admit, they had; the vibrant young woman many of them had known from birth was gone, replaced with an almost hollow shell of a woman who looked the same, but was as much a stranger than someone living on the other side of the world.
Stepping out into the garden, she was almost blinded by the bright summer sun, the sound of laughing children and an excited Naga barking draw her round to the main lawn. Senna and Yin were playing some kind of game with the Polar Bear Dog, who was more than happy to be bounding about the grass with her young charges. Aang was off to one side, held firmly on his grandmothers lap, still too young to join in, as much as he may have wanted to. They looked happy, all the fears and concerns over their mother forgotten, at least for a while. Korra sensed someone walking up behind her, and was about to turn around when she felt the measuring presence of her father at her side.
"I have no idea just what the rules or point of the game is." He shook his head as he watched his granddaughters play, "They seem to make them up as they go, changing them whenever the mood takes them."
"They're mine." Korra managed a faint smile, "Would you expect anything less?"
A dark expression came over Tonraq's face, and he put a protective hand on his daughters shoulder.
"We had a call while you were... out walking yesterday, from Child Survives." he sounded almost physically pained, but there was an unmistakable undercurrent of anger there as well, "Someone, they wouldn't say who, has lodged a complaint. Apparently, even after all these years, there are those who don't see your marriage as... legally binding, despite what Raiko may have said. They are apparently of the opinion that the children should be taken into care while Asami is... in the hospital."
There was a moment when he thought Korra was going to enter the Avatar state, but she simply took a deep breather, closed her eyes, and slowly exhaled.
"They tried something similar when I admitted to being an alcoholic." She admitted, "But we have some of the best lawyers in the entire Republic on retainer; they took care of it then, I'm sure they can take care of this."
"And if not?" her father asked.
"Eska once offered to extend me diplomatic immunity; I am, technically speaking, a princess after all." Korra managed another smile, "You may have been stripped of your title when you were banished, but dear old uncle Unalaq arranged it for me to have the honorific, even if I'm not in the line of succession, no doubt hoping he could use it to gain some influence on me. Spirits know I've used my family connections in some strange ways before, but I've never tried to claim to be royalty before, even if it might have helped with some parking tickets."
"If you want my advice, never tell Senna or Yin." Tonraq chuckled, "Every little girl, goes through a phase where they want to be a princess, even you. You let on that they may have a legitimate shot at the title, and you'll never hear the end of it."
"I'll keep that in mind." Korra looked up at her father, "I have a favour to ask."
"Anything you need," He nodded, "just ask."
"I need to go to the Earth Kingdom for a while; Avatar duties." Korra looked back across to where her children were playing, "We're going to be tracking bandits across the Si Wong Desert, so I don't think it'd be a good idea to take the children with me..."
"I have to return home in a couple of days; a Chief's work is never done, but I know your mother would love to stay and spend some more time with the little ones." Her farther squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, "Are you sure you want to leave Asami right now?"
"Asami... isn't Asami. Not right now anyway." The smile faded from Korra's face as she looked away, "And I need to get use to the idea that she might never get her memory back, and what that means for our family. Some time apart might be in both of our best interests."
To Be Continued...