Disclaimer: I own nothing, damn it all. I don't own Naruto, belongs to Kishimoto-sensei.
Note: Bold Italics is Kyuubi speaking. Searching, never surrendering
I've been down this road before
But I won't give up
I'll find you
I'll save you
That will never change
Chapter 16
Two Weeks, why it took him two weeks was due to those from Suna had once again tried to convince him to go back and convince the council, if he was gone for too long they would mark him as a rogue. But Naruto had refused, he wasn't going to let someone like Madara have Sasuke nor would he allow Madara to survive for taking him. Gaara had not stopped him, he was well aware of how much Naruto truly cared for Sasuke and he only offered support to him personally. But that didn't stop the elders of Suna from sending the sand nin after him. So Naruto had to fend them off and do so without killing any of them took some time. So now, two weeks later he was finally with the reaches of Iwagakure.
After searching through the small villages for traces and asking around, he still had nothing. So now he was inside a small inn trying to think back to the time when he felt the chakra in this area, but no matter how much he thought on it, he couldn't narrow it down to the exact location. He was only in the first village, it having been after midnight when he finally arrived. The inn was simple, bland, and had a small bathroom in the room, a bed, a nightstand and lamp, and hardwood floors.
Naruto sat on the edge of the bed with his hands in his hair, his elbows resting on his knees. Now that he was finally alone and within the confines of a room his mind was running rampant. He couldn't find it in himself to cry, it had been years since he'd cried now, all that time in the war and everything he'd been through over the past five years stealing the ability from him. But now his eyes stung, he'd closed his eyes to try and hold back the tears that threaten to fall. He felt like he was loosing his mind.
The village had been attacked, Madara had shown up and killed two of his friends, two close friends, and in that had hurt his best friend that was like a sister to him and hurt someone he always respected and admired for her inner strength. He'd hurt Sakura by killing the one she'd come to love after losing both of the ones she'd loved to each other. And Hinata, she never deserved any pain she was brought, not the pain from her condescending father or losing the one she'd come to love greatly.
No one deserved that kind of pain, shinobi or not, they were all entitled to some amount of happiness. That was what he thought at least, he thought they all deserved to be happy and it hurt that they were hurting, that he hadn't been there to prevent them form feeling the pain they now felt because of those that had died. Everyone had suffered, Shikamaru lost his parents as did Chouji, Sakura, and Ino.
Kakashi was still on medical leave trying to recover, apparently the strain from using the advanced sharigan had some very severe side effects, ones he'd demanded Tsunade tell him about. The level of sharigan Kakashi used was leagues below the one Sasuke had and Naruto never did understand exactly what they did to his lover, now that he did, it made his heart clench more. Sasuke had used the sharigan during the entire fight in the village to protect the village, he didn't know if it had been his own wish or because he knew how much the village meant to him. The risk of going blind, the paralyzing effect it left on the user and the long term painful effects it racked on the user for at least a few months after using it. He couldn't help but feel some amount of anger at that, even now; Why didn't he ever tell me that, Sasuke and his damn pride. Always hiding things from me.
Naruto sighed and fisted his hands in his hair and fell back on the bed to look up at the ceiling, his eyes were clear now, but the line of thought he was approaching was going to bring that twisting pain in his heart back to the forefront. Neji and Kiba, both gone trying to defend the village, even with Sasuke and Kakashi there, it wasn't enough to protect them, wasn't enough to stop that crazy fucker from killing them.
How could I have left, why did I knowing he was there? Why didn't I stay or have someone else escort them, Neji would still be alive if he would have gone instead of me. I insisted, I wanted to see Gaara again. Why?
He sat up again, his eyes closed and shook his head, I can't think that way, I've been a shinobi long enough . . . but then why do I feel the way I do? He'd been feeling like he was operating in a haze, everything he did was subconscious, he felt as though half of himself was missing. He'd felt the same way when Sasuke had left, but now it was stronger, actually controlling his actions. All his thoughts were muzzled, but he was on the outside. He could no longer pull off his smiles well enough to convince anyone that he was alright.
He wasn't alright, he was slowly dying inside, not finding Sasuke, being without his pressence. They'd been together all the time once Sasuke was dragged back to Konoha. They never parted unless one of them had a mission, but Naruto was Sasuke's shadow for his missions when he was in the village, they were all within the confines of the village anyway. It was never because Sasuke needed the help, even before he was at his full strength he never needed the help.
It had been because he couldn't stand not being around him, all that time they had spent apart had strengthened their bond and further convinced them that they were not going to make it without the other now that they were together. Right now Naruto felt ripped in half, half of his heart and soul was missing. For so long he'd been devoted to Sasuke, to protecting all those dear to him, protecting a village that was still full of those that despised him.
He'd gotten Sasuke to confess what he really felt, prying the scrolls he wrote while in Kumogakure away from him. He couldn't get Sasuke to talk to him, he hated opening up emotionally and Naruto understood that, he couldn't bring himself to do so either. So instead they had shared their inner emotions through their journal like scrolls. It was through the thoughts they wrote down at the time that they came to truly know one another.
Naruto fell back on the bed again, his eyes closing with the flooding memories of how he felt when he found out about Sasuke's past, how he felt, what all he had seen and been through; even though in some cases he'd had to inquire some of what had happened via Juugo, he still knew more than anyone would ever know about Sasuke. Sasuke in turn knew much more about him than Naruto would ever share with anyone, even Sakura with as close as they had become through the years.
From his point of view he didn't know how he'd survived it and not have driven himself insane. Naruto knew he wouldn't have been able to handle what Itachi's supposed betrayal and then his death only to find out he had always been the protective older brother who had wanted to die by his beloved brother's hands. That in itself had been enough to break his heart.
But the ordeal with the snake sannin was enough to make Naruto want to summon the bastard and rip him limb from limb. Then came the part where Sasuke described Kuro and Juugo during the war, he hadn't paid much attention to Suigetsu and Karin when they were written about for his own reasons. Kuro had been the epitone of Itachi to begin with, silent, distant, a knowing smirk in place and speaking in riddles and monosyllables much like Sasuke. Then when he read the part where Sasuke explained Kuro showing his true colors, he felt as though he was losing a close friend he'd never met.
Kuro had been laid back, the one to sort of even out Sasuke's pessimism and non-chalant attitude, Naruto was sure the two of them would have gotten along great. He was almost in tears by how Kuro's death effected Sasuke and how much Juugo had helped him get through it and then get through each day after the war ended. Juugo was the reason Sasuke was even alive, he felt like a failure.
Sasuke, the arrogant, proud, strong, fierce Uchiha felt worthless, useless, and as though he'd sacrificed so much all for nothing. He didn't feel worthy of Naruto's friendship and worried that Naruto wouldn't forgive him or except his feelings. The self confidence Sasuke once possessed was shot and not only did his worry over whether Naruto would accept his feelings, forgive him, and hopefully he had wished Naruto felt the same way, that village . . . Naruto knew that Sasuke felt responsible for that little girl and her village as well as his comrads, his brothers, others he had been able to protect. So he'd resigned to one day dying in Kumogakure.
Naruto could understand the quilt, but he'd come to realize, though it had been very hard, that you couldn't save everyone and trying during a war, no less, was truly impossible. Naruto covered his eyes with his right forearm, Why, why in the hell did he let himself get so out of it? Why didn't I find him sooner, why didn't I seek him out when I knew it was him helping us during the damn war?
Naruto took a deep breath and turned over on his side folding the arm he'd covered his eyes with under his head as a pillow and curling up. His heart felt like it was within a fist, his mind wouldn't shut down, and he couldn't shake the longing, unfulfilled feeling he had in his gut. He knew he had to get some sleep, if he didn't rest he wouldn't be able to search for Sasuke, he'd never find him if he wore himself out. He'd already traveled five days straight without stopping to rest to get to Iwagakure because the sand shinobi had stalled him.
He took a few deep breaths and tried to clear his mind but thoughts of Sasuke kept coming to mind. They mixed in with the memories of the last few months. The memorial service for the shinobi of Konoha that had lost their lives. The tears on the faces of his comrads, of his fellow shinobi, even those he never thought he would see cry, Shikamaru, Chouji, Shino had even shed a few tears. He expected Sakura, Hinata, and Ino to cry. But he hadn't been prepared for how much it hurt to see the others cry.
Then there was the goodbye to Sakura, not saying goodbye to anyone else in case he didn't come back. He knew this time he may very well never be allowed to go back, this time he was the one running away from his home, he was leaving the village in search of Sasuke. It angered him that the council and elders wouldn't grant him leave to go, Madara was an S-Rank criminal, he was a threat to the entire country, all five.
What was worse is that he had taken the remaining Uchiha, the one that was supposed to ensure his powerful clan continued to exist and thus give the village that advantage.
Sasuke was more than a shinobi to the elders, at least he once was. He was the only remaining heir to the clan that had founded Konoha, that had given them the power they now possessed. But they wanted Naruto to sit aside and let Madara do whatever the hell he wanted and then take Sasuke's sharigan from him, the very trait that made him the true heir of the Uchiha clan. There was only one reason Naruto was going after Sasuke, he loved him. But he would have thought the council and elders would have cared that a member of the Uchiha clan had been taken.
But the village still did not trust Sasuke and Naruto was the vessel to the demon fox that had once come very close to obliterating the village. Both of them were burdens in the village, burdens that would gladly be forgotten. Naruto sighed and clenched his hands into fists.
Shikamaru, Ino, Chouji, Shino, Gaara, Lee, Temari, Kankuro, Iruka, Kakashi, Tsunade, Shizune, Hinata, and Sakura, they all cared about him even if they didn't think much of Sasuke. They'd all offered words to him despite how they all must have felt themselves. He'd tried to be his usual cheerful self, to keep their spirits up even while he felt impatient, anxious, and as though he was dying from knowing Sasuke was gone, he'd been taken by a psychotic, ancient, sadistic bastard.
Then with that came the anger at the council and elders, they knew Sasuke had gone with Madara to spare the village anymore damage or lost lives. That was the last thing Kakashi remembered, that Madara had offered to leave peacefully if Sasuke went with him. Naruto let out a shuddering breath.
He handed himself over knowing all about Madara, knowing what he was capable of, to save the village, and still they don't see him as more than a rogue ninja. Madara is a insane bastard bent on conquering everyone and they don't want him to be killed, they let him roam free and take a shinobi from his home.
Naruto sighed and took a few deep breaths, he had to get some sleep. He sat up and reached over the foot of the bed to the pack sitting right there on the floor. He reached into the side pocket and took out the sedative Sakura had given to him months ago. He only had twelve left, small white pills. He hadn't been able to sleep, barely ate, and he always ran himself ragged. She'd given it to him only three weeks after the attack, one of those weeks she had been in the hospital.
Once Sakura started her work at the hospital again Tsunade had dragged Naruto to the hospital to see her. Between the two of them he couldn't escape, they would have tied him down to the bed if Tsunade hadn't already given him a sedative. He'd lost a lot of weight in those three weeks, didn't train. She'd come by to tell him when the memorial service would be since everyone was recovering well, except Kakashi. She'd found him sitting on his bed, kunai's clenched in his hands cutting his palms, rocking and mumbling in a haze from not sleeping for three weeks.
She'd sedated him because her presence had made him react violently and ever since then Sakura came by once a day to check on him. He'd been admitted for three days so that they could force him to eat and sleep. Once Sakura gave him the sedative they helped him focus and took the haze out, but in the process he'd been able to process what had happened. He then began to train vigorously, he was going to find Sasuke no matter what it took or who he had to take down to get to him.
He'd fought the council for one entire month, trying to get permission to search for him. Then everyone had practically forced him to stay and he wasn't allowed on missions outside the village. They'd thrown him in the cells for the captives and criminals when he went berserk on a council member when they said something about Sasuke most likely having gone willingly with Madara and not being trustworthy.
That cost him another month and then two weeks on restraints with anbu watching him to make sure he didn't lose it. Tsunade had called off the anbu and then he made up his mind to leave. Now he was Iwagakure searching for Sasuke. He opened the small plastic bottle and took one pill out, he closed it and put it back then took his canteen from the other side pocket.
He took the pill and a swallow of water to wash it down then put the canteen up. It would take twenty minutes to kick in but it would force him to sleep. He moved to the head of the bed and laid his head down on the pillow, trying to wait it out.
This time, with his mind still buzzing with memories he closed his eyes only to see Sasuke's face and opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He'd seen his face, but it wasn't something he wanted to see, the expression, the dead look in his eyes, the sickly paleness of his skin was seared into his memory, now it would haunt his thoughts and dreams. He shivered from the sight and had to take calming breaths to calm himself.
Those black eyes, always intense and guarded, looking grayish and empty was not something Naruto ever wanted to see. Just in his minds eye made his heart raced, his blood ran cold, and he felt like someone was stabbing him right through his heart. He shook his head, he couldn't handle such thoughts.
Sasuke is alive, I know he is, that bastard can't kill him. Sasuke won't let someone like Madara kill him.
But then the words from the memorial, in some cases words friends had said to him in comfort came to mind.
No matter how strong we all think we are, we're still mortal, we can all still die. That's just the harsh reality of being alive.
Naruto shook his head, "No, he's alive," As alive as he was the last time you found him after a matter of time? What makes you think you can save him from dying, from losing his mind when you don't know where he is?
Naruto shuddered at the sound of the Kyuubi's growling voice, it'd been years since the fox had talked to him. Why would he do so now, why make him feel worse than he already did?
Because kit, you are being a fool. Self-pity is going to get you no where. So instead, focus on trying to find your mate.
Naruto huffed, "Since when are you so damn helpful?"
The fox laughed in his mind, Kit, your worry and distress over your mate is bothersome to me and endangers us both. You have to stay focused before you get us both killed.
Naruto uncurled on the bed and laid on his back looking at the ceiling with slightly hazed eyes. He could feel the sedative starting to kick in. He let out a heavy sigh, "Then how about helping me sense him?"
The fox laughed once more, First, let's get one thing straight you upstart brat. This dormant sealing me away bullshit has to end if you expect me to help you . . .
Naruto cut him off sharply, "Hell no, I am not releasing the seal."
Kyuubi cut him off with a dangerous growl, Kit, listen to me. I already know you won't release me. But no longer relying on my abilities is why it is taking you so long to find your mate. I approve of your choice, an Uchiha is truly not what I expected, but I have to say I rather enjoy watching the two of you together.
Naruto sighed, "That is just . . . geeze, do you have to tell me that shit?"
Kyuubi laughed once more, I have to do something to keep me entertained. Stop fighting my abilities within you and stop ignoring me. I'm an old demon kit and I can give you plenty of pointers to spice up your sex life.
Naruto huffed, "Yeah, whatever old fox, now about finding Sasuke, how in the hell are you going to help me do that?"
Kyuubi shrugged in his cage in Naruto's mind, By enhancing you're senses to that which is fitting for me. You have been using them somewhat, considering, and your training has helped them develop. But if you actually allow me to help you kit, they will be attuned to that of a true fox.
Naruto laughed hollowly, "You're going to make me more like you then?"
Kyuubi growled, You're already quite like me, have you looked in the mirror as of late kit? You're temperament is like that of a fox and you tend to let your temper get the better of you. Not to mention you excel when it comes to brute strength and only through finely tuned training and experience have you obtained the finesse your teammate and rival always possessed. But grace is beyond your capabilities.
Naruto sighed, "Yeah, I know that already, thanks," the sarcasm in his voice didn't go unnoticed. But Kyuubi decided to not act on it instead he continued; Sleep kit, we shall discuss this after you get some sleep.
Naruto yawned and before he could protest Kyuubi sped up the process of the sedative along with increasing it's strength. Then he curled up in his cage as Naruto was swallowed by the overwhelming need to sleep and went to sleep himself. Naruto's anxiety had worn both of them out, the fox due to the fact that he was the source of Naruto's unnatural stamina and had to use his energy to keep him moving, conscience, and alive at times.
He knew his vessel was much more intelligent than he let on, he lived inside of him after all. But it would take a while for things to set in the stubborn youth's head. He knew how much he cared for Sasuke, how he truly felt when he was living in the facade around those in the village. Naruto always acted like a prankster, an idiot, but he really wasn't. How could someone who spent the first twelve years of his life bitterly alone, angry, and despised by everyone in the village be completely clueless and naive.
This was why Naruto had persisted with Sasuke, he could sense that loneliness in the raven haired boy. He felt guilty about never talking to him, never trying to befriend him, fearful he would be rejected because he was the demon vessel. Kyuubi knew that Sasuke wouldn't have rejected him over something like that, but no matter how many times he would tell the blond that it was idiotic to think that years of being hated because of that made him doubtful.
Kyuubi would never admit it, but he felt compelled to help his vessel out, though it hadn't been enough to make him do so until the boy turned thirteen. But by then his godfather and everyone else the boy had bounded with came to convince him to further seal him and ignore the fox. So naturally it hadn't been until that night when his vessel was on the verge of having a nervous break down that he decided to give him some aid. Now as he slept, which the fox would ensure he slept long enough to make up for the lack of sleep and to restore his chakra; he was going to change to seal and allow the boy to fully fuse with himself.
He would grant Naruto the ability to act like that of a fox, enhance his senses to that akin to a fox, and grant him the speed, brutality, and grace Naruto had always tried to attune himself to gaining on his own. Kyuubi would grant him the ability to think clearly and combined with the training he'd undergone in the past twenty years of his troubled and harsh life, Naruto would truly gain the strength he'd always possessed and could never fully awaken in himself.
Madara was one that Kyuubi was not going to risk anything fighting, he was certain the battle would be unavoidable in order to ensure that Naruto did save his chosen mate. That alone would prove to be enough to enrage the young man, but if Naruto would adhere to listen to him he could grant him the ability to crush the ancient, bothersome Uchiha before he posed a threat to either of them. That in itself was not something Kyuubi would allow to happen, letting that cocky, arrogant Uchiha kill his vessel and thus himself.
The Uchiha his vessel chose for his mate was much more tolerable and stronger than that of any Uchiha because he still held within him a trace of compassion and heart. That in itself, was a strength Naruto himself possessed, something that would make him one of the best Hokage's in history but naturally humans tended to judge one from what they saw or knew from the sidelines instead of seeing the better qualities.
The rage Naruto felt did not go unnoticed by the fox, but he didn't plan to use that rage his vessel tried to shove down to his advantage, as of yet. That would be something he would use to his advantage once Naruto was no longer close to hysterics over his missing lover.