Grace sits back down in the chair beside my bed, crosses her legs and sighs.
"It's been a long day" she starts "I am very proud of you Ana, it has ended up a very momentous day for the very best and worst reasons"
"Yes it has" I sink back and rest my head on the pillows "thank you for helping me today. I appreciate everything"
"Ana, Christian is in a serious but stable condition. His heart stopped for a moment but his oxygen supply was never compromised due to the quick actions of the staff. I have no fears for his brain function but his body has suffered a horrific violation and it maybe a while before he can come out of ICU" she says "he will be kept sedated for at least the next 48 hours to allow his system to rest.
I sit listening to what Grace is telling me in absolute terror, is she saying I might lose him? Panic rises in my chest
"Who would do this to us? Are they going to try again? I need to make sure security are at the Nicu" I try to get out of bed but an again stopped by a lack of proper feeling in my legs although I have got some sensation back.
"Ana, Ana, calm down, it's ok, they won't be coming back for anyone" Grace tries to placate me.
"How do you know? They could be out there right now" I raise my voice.
"Ana, the SPD shot and killed the gunman or should I say gunwoman so they won't cause any more problems"
"Woman? A woman did this? Who could do….." the reality hits me "No she wouldn't go to this length...surely?" I can't believe it.
"Elena was a very bitter and twisted woman Ana. From what I gather she was eaten up with jealousy about your relationship with Christian so she used people like Samantha initially to help with intimidating you to try and scare you away" she tells me "when you didn't back off she upped the ante by sabotaging the boat, and of course your accident"
"She really hated me that much?" I say quietly
"I don't think she hated you but you took Christians attention away from her, the business he backed off from all fuelled her need to try and get him back" Grace says.
"And Jack Hyde?" I remember he was blocking our exit from SIP forcing us to use the main entrance.
"He had a grudge against SIP for firing him and giving you the job he wanted. Elena used him to scare you. He said she asked him to cause a fuss this morning to make sure you came out of the front of the building and enable her to see you in person. He says he had no idea of her intentions" Grace looks weary.
"I am not sure I believe that, do you Grace?" I look over at her and notice she is weeping gently "Grace? How can I help?"
"Have I been a really horrible person? She was my best friend and yet she used me and my family in the cruellest and most vile way imaginable" she is still softly crying "The ultimate betrayal" her voice trails off
"Oh Grace, I wish I could say something that would make a difference, she is gone and can do no further damage to any of us" I try and sound positive.
But she is gone; the surgically enhanced Barbie doll bitch has gone…forever. It's a lot to process, everything that has happened is a lot to process and it will take some time.
The midwife comes in at that moment to help me express some milk for the twins so Grace excuses herself and returns to Christian's bedside again.
"When can I see my babies?" I ask the midwife
"Let's get some food from you first and then we can see about taking you over to the Nicu to see them" she smiles and the biggest smile erupts from me for a long time.
Expressing isn't easy and with the amount I have produced I feel disappointed but the midwife points out that actually what I have managed is plenty for both of them and I feel relieved.
Kate pops in again when the midwife leaves and I tell her I am going to see the twins.
"Would you come with me again?" I ask.
"Are you sure Ana? What about Ray?" she looks concerned I might have forgotten him.
"He is coming too but I need some photographers" I say "I want everything on camera for when Christian wakes up, he mustn't miss a moment"
"Sure, of course Ana, I can't wait to see them again" she smiles. The porter arrives with my transport and I hastily, well as hastily as I can manage get into the wheelchair. Kate puts a blanket around my legs which I am grateful for as my last experience was very chilly.
I silently curse, I have not got my bag or the babies bag with all the supplies in.
"What's up Ana?" Kate questions.
"I don't have our bags, I have something inside I want to put with the twins" I say disappointedly.
"It's your lucky day!" Elliot's voice rings around the corner, he comes in carrying the two bags I had lovingly packed, unpacked and packed again.
"Elliot! Thank you so much. Please could you open the black sports bag and give me the small carrier bag that's inside?" I say excitedly.
"Of course, here you go" he hands me the bag and we start toward the Nicu. I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. I am holding Dads hand and he is periodically squeezing it.
The doors to the Nicu draw closer and my nerves start to jangle. The reality hits me, I am a mother now and these two dear little souls are depending on us for everything. Through the doors, it's like another world, machinery bleeping and buzzing and lots of equipment everywhere. Staff milling about, medicating, feeding and discussing cases with the doctors.
The nurse sees us and comes over, relieves the porter and guides Dad and Kate over to the sink to wash their hands and put on a special gown to protect the babies from germs.
"I normally only allow 2 visitors at any one time but under the circumstances we can accommodate the 3 of you" she smiles and guides us over to an incubator.
I gasp "Max! Sweetheart; it's Mommy" the tears fall again as I stare at my son properly for the first time.
"He is doing really well, on a very low percentage of oxygen, still needing some warmth but all this is not unusual for a premature baby. We are monitoring him constantly for signs of infection and any difficulty with breathing but so far he is doing fine" she tells me
"He is perfect" I say out loud.
"Would you like to hold him for a while? Feed him if you feel comfortable?" the nurse asks and I absolutely beam.
"Really? Can I? I would love to" I am so overwhelmed that I cry again.
The nurse opens his incubator and gently lifts Max putting him in my arms. He is so small I am frightened I will hurt him. The nurse reassures that I would have to go some way to breaking him and I laugh. Oh my goodness, I am holding my son! Kate is clicking away with the camera getting shots from every angle. Dad looks totally in awe of Max, like he can't believe it's true.
"Here we go, let's give Max some food, hold like this" she shows me "and ..oh I think he is going to be a natural at this" the nurse comments as he tucks into a bottle.
This is a totally awesome feeling and I can't help smiling. Kate and Dad are waiting patiently so when Max has finished feeding I ask the nurse if he can be held by Dad. She pulls up a chair for Dad to sit and takes Max from me and puts him in Dad's arms.
"Oh Ana he is so handsome" Dad extolls, Kate is photographing still.
"Are you ok there Grandad? I am going to take Moma to see her little girl" the nurse asks. Dad nods but I think it would take a lot to get Max out of his arms anyway.
"So Melissa is doing well too, needing slightly higher oxygen than Max and warmth but otherwise she is doing just fine" she tells me "I think Moma wants a cuddle with you Melissa" she says to her as she lifts her out and puts her in my arms.
"Hello Missy, my darling girl, you are so perfect too. Your brother is waiting to see you as is your Daddy when he is well enough" I whisper gently.
"Do you want to feed her too?" the nurse asks and I nod eagerly.
"Ok so same as with Max….excellent, looks like Mom is a natural too" she smiles at me.
She consumes all of the milk in the bottle and then spends a few moments looking around before stopping at my face. She stares at me and I take the chance to study her face and features. I see a hint of Christian especially her ears, I chuckle her ear lobes are an identical shape.
In the meantime, Kate and Dad have swapped places and Kate is now cooing over Max while Dad takes over camera duties. Dad comes over to see Melissa.
"She is beautiful Ana, she has your nose" he chuckles "they have eaten well and seem very contented"
"Dad, I am getting tired now but I still want to go and see Christian" I say and he calls the nurse over.
"How are we doing over here?" she asks as she comes over "Moma is getting tired I can see" I nod.
"I need to go and see my husband in ITU" I tell her. She takes Melissa and settles her back in before doing the same with Max.
"Come back anytime Ana, see your husband, rest and then you can come back again" she advises me.
"Thank you err..sorry I don't know your name" I say.
"I'm Diane" she smiles.
"Thank you Diane, I will be back later, Oh before I go can they have these?" I proffer the carrier bag with two small teddies inside.
"Of course, I will put them in the incubator next to them" Diane says and I smile gratefully.
Dad wheels me out and we move toward the ITU.
The ITU is across the other side of the building and up a few floors from maternity. Carrick, Mia and Elliot are sitting outside his room, I am immediately concerned.
"Carrick, is everything ok?" I ask sounding very panicked.
"It's ok" and he gesticulates with his hand "just dressing changes, obs and the doctors including Grace are talking about his treatment"
"Ok…..that's a relief, I was worried for a moment" I say with evident relief in my voice.
In the meantime Dad is chatting to Elliot, Mia is deep in conversation with Kate and I have pulled the camera out and am showing Carrick the pictures of Max and Melissa.
Grace and a whole host of doctors and nurses come out of Christian's room.
"Hello Ana darling" Grace leans down and we hug.
"How's he doing?" I ask tentatively.
"For the injuries he has sustained he is doing very well Ana" she smiles although it is a very strained smile.
"Can I see him now?" I ask.
"Oh yes of course darling, just to warn you though he is wired up to machines, tubes and wires are everywhere. Lots of bleeping and flashing lights but this is all normal. He is still sedated so he will not respond to you but take his hand and talk to him. We cannot say whether he can hear you or not but I like to think that he is hearing what I have been telling him" she advises me.
"Thank you Grace, I certainly have a lot to tell him" I smile remembering every little detail about the twins I have to describe.
I take a deep breath and enter Christian's room.