The distance between the door and his bed seem to take an age to cover. When I finally reach his bedside I am shocked by how Christian looks. Even with Grace's warning the amount of tubes and machines is very overwhelming. The heart monitor is beeping regularly; it's monitoring his oxygen levels, his blood pressure and many other things. I feel the tears welling up again but I take Christian's hand, kissing the top and I start to talk to him.
"Hey honey, what a day, but you are doing great, everyone is here, your Mom, Dad, Mia, Elliot and Kate and even my Dad, he just turned around and caught the next flight back when he heard what had happened. The other thing that has happened today is, well, you are a daddy!" I say enthusiastically, almost hoping that would gauge a reaction but I am disappointed when nothing happens "I am sorry they have come early but they are doing absolutely fine for 6 weeks premature, both needed some oxygen and heat but I fed them a little while ago, the nurse said Max is a natural feeder and she thinks I did ok too" I kiss his hand again.
"I have got so many photo's already for you to look at when you wake up, I think they look equally like both of us and we also need to decide what middle name or names to give them but we can think about that" I continue "I am doing ok except for having a C-section to have Max but that's ok, we are all good so I am just waiting for you now"
Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, The regular sound could quite easily put me to sleep at the moment. Beep, Beep, Beep, I yawn and gently lay my head down beside my hands. I drift asleep for a while until I am startled awake by a change in the regular beeping.
A whole troop of staff rush into the room and start to pay frantic attention to Christian.
"Can someone get his wife out of here?" a voice shouts, Grace and Elliot come in and Elliot pushes me out despite my vigorous protests while Grace attends to her son.
"What's happening Elliot? Please tell me" I beg.
"It looks like his oxygen levels decreased suddenly and he needs to be intubated to maintain his levels but Mom will be able to explain more when she comes out" his hand is resting on my shoulder and he gives it a reassuring squeeze.
After a very tense wait, Carrick and Elliot pacing, Mia and Kate talking quietly to each other and me, Grace comes out and tells us he is stable again, she suspects his damaged lung collapsed and bled causing the sudden down turn in his condition. Grace sits down in a chair and puts her head in her hands to softly sob. Carrick rushes over to sit beside her with his arm around her shoulder trying to provide some comfort while quietly whispering encouraging and reassuring words.
"Mom? What's going on? Is Christian ok?" Elliot anxiously asks.
Grace spends a moment composing herself before telling us what happened.
"He went into respiratory arrest so he has been intubated and put on a ventilator but his heart never stopped and again I have no concerns about his brain function" Grace dabs her cheek as another tear over flows.
I begin to sob softly too, I am so overwhelmed and very very tired, so tired I can no longer stifle a yawn.
"Elliot, Kate take Ana back to her bed, she absolutely needs to sleep" Grace insists, I open my mouth to protest, for one it turns into another yawn and then Grace tells me she will come and get me if anything changes so I reluctantly allow myself to be wheeled back to maternity and the welcome sight of a bed. The feeling has returned completely, I feel slightly uncomfortable and I would seriously like to take a shower, the nurse brings over some Diclofenac for discomfort and tells me I can have a shower after I have rested sufficiently.
I am at the point where I don't have the strength to argue, Kate helps me into bed and covers me over and I am asleep almost straight away. I am woken for a nurse to take my temperature and blood pressure but quickly fall asleep again, when I eventually awake properly it's because I am leaking breast milk over the bed. I call for a nurse who tells me I have been asleep for a little over eight hours. I express for my babies and the nurse hands it over to a Nicu nurse to be able to feed Max and Missy. I want to do it myself but I have to sort myself out and then find ICU for Christian.
The nurse guides me over to the en suite shower and asks I leave the door open in case I need assistance. The warm water flushing over me is just divine, I use a shower puff and my favourite shower crème to help with my revitalisation, I wash my hair, clean my teeth and feel human again. I put my hair up into a pony tail and some loose jogging bottoms and a t-shirt and the transformation is almost complete I chuckle to myself.
Breakfast is brought into my room as I leave the shower room, cereal; toast, Orange juice and tea are on a tray. I don't feel hungry and when I tell the nurse that she scowls at me and reminds me that if I wish to continue to heal and feed my babies, eating is paramount so I bite into the toast while she is watching. I think she has me sussed out as she waits in my room, fussing with my bed, pillows and blankets until I have eaten the whole slice and drunk the orange juice before she makes her excuses and leaves.
Although walking is difficult as I am still slightly bent over from the surgery, I have put on my sneakers and am making my way to the Nicu first before heading on to ITU, when the porter I met on one of my previous visits exits the elevator with an empty wheelchair.
"Hello…err Ana right?" he says with a smile.
"Yes that's right" I say back.
"How are you?" He asks.
"Just on my way to the Nicu to see the twins before heading to ITU to see my husband" I say matter of factly. The stunned look on his face tells me perhaps I said it too casually but it's my way of being able to deal with what has happened.
"Premature?" he asks tentatively.
"Yes 6 weeks early and my husband was shot this morning…err no yesterday I think. Sorry time has just been forgotten with what happened" I apologise.
"I am sure it has with all that happening anyway hop in and I will wheel you to Nicu as by the looks of you, you have had surgery?" he guesses correctly.
"Yes a C-section but I am ok" I reassure him
"Please, allow me to escort you" he proffers the chair "you don't want to do too much too soon otherwise you will make things a lot more difficult for yourself in the long run and you have two little people and a husband that need you strong" he points out to me.
"Ok I concede" I sit in the wheelchair and I am surprised at how much I really needed to sit down. How can I be tired? I have just slept for eight hours and have taken a shower.
We arrive at the Nicu, I stand up to go in and Diane comes over to escort me in.
"Hello Ana, you look a little better, well they are both doing great, fed well and Max is off oxygen all together" she smiles.
"Oh that's great, I am so pleased" I can't express how happy that news makes me, so much so I start to cry again.
"It's ok Ana, stressful times and hormones" she tells me "it's absolutely normal to feel like this. How is your husband?"
"I feel awful that I have not gotten to see him for the last ten hours but I needed to sleep and to see these two before I can relax enough to go to ITU and see him" I sob "at least I can tell him that Max is off oxygen, something positive to say"
"Indeed, now I am guessing you want to have a cuddle now?" I nod eagerly at her suggestion, wash my hands and put on a plastic apron before Max is put in my arms. It's a lot easier as he has less tubing surrounding him and I feel we can cuddle properly. After about twenty minutes I signal to Diane I would like to see Melissa and have a cuddle with her too. Carrick comes through the door, washes his hands and puts on an apron before asking to hold his grandson.
"How's Christian this morning Carrick?" I keep my fingers crossed for the right answer.
"Stable Ana, still on the ventilator but that's expected, Grace is keeping a watchful eye on him" he winks before starting to coo and talk to Max, it's so sweet to watch and I hope Christian is like that too.
Melissa is gently laid in my arms and she seems to respond to me this time, she is snuffling around and wriggling.
"I think she knows where the milk supply is" Laughs Diane, I can't help but smile as a rush of love and belonging flushes through my system. After a further twenty minutes or so I am itching to go and see Christian, Carrick is happily rocking and chatting to Max still. I tell him I am going to see Christian, he nods and tells me I will see him later.
My personal chauffeur is waiting for me "You didn't have to wait for me Alex"
"My pleasure besides you shouldn't be wandering the corridors when I can deliver you safe and sound to your destination" he smiles.
"You sound like an ad for an airline company" I giggle.
"Alex Airways, hmm I like that" he laughs "So to ITU then?
"Yes please" I say and we are off.
A few moments later we arrive outside Christian's room but he is not inside. A panic rises to my throat until Elliot comes into the foyer area with a cup of coffee and informs me Christian has gone for a CT scan to check on his brain function and lung situation. He tells me that Grace said it's perfectly normal to be scanned at this stage. I smile and relax a little.
"How are you doing Elliot?" I ask him as I notice deep circles under his eyes, a five o'clock shadow and he looks generally dishevelled.
"Oh I'm ok, have been running between GEH, SIP and my own business as well as coming here to keep an eye on Christian, you and my niece and nephew" he sighs.
"Oh my goodness, I'm sorry Elliot, I completely forgot about the businesses" I feel really bad for Elliot.
"Dad has been helping me as much as he can and the staff in your and Christian's department are excellent but at the end of the day some decisions can't be taken by them so someone has to be Christian's voice in these matters" he looks momentarily overwhelmed "I have big shoes to fill"
"Christian will know you acted in the best interests of him and the businesses" I add "Thank you Elliot"
He smiles a weary smile, sits down and takes a big sip of his coffee in the hope it will revitalise him a little.
"Ana, Ana, how are you?" I turn the chair and see Gail rushing over.
"Gail! So good to see you, how's Taylor?" I ask anxiously whilst we hug.
"Oh you know, grumpy, sore and fed up of not being able to do things by himself. He still is trying to organise security from his hospital bed but Sawyer and Peters have it covered"
"I am so please he is on the mend Gail" I warmly convey.
Christian's trolley comes around the corner, he looks pale and he is still on assisted breathing but everything is satisfactory according to Grace and we all breathe a sigh of relief.