"Ana! Good to have you home" Gail rushes over to the door and flings her arms around me.
"Good to be home Gail, a little bittersweet but we will all be together again soon" I say as I hug her.
"As you say, soon and hello little Max, haven't you grown" Gail fusses Max in his carry seat.
"Nice to see you again Mrs Jones" I jump as I hear Elliot's voice; I have momentarily forgotten he and Kate were standing there.
"Elliot, Kate, please call me Gail and lovely to see you too" she hugs them both.
"How is Mr Taylor?" Kate asks.
"Doing very well but getting grumpy" she whispers the last bit as if he is in the room and might hear her.
We all laugh and say we are pleased he is on the mend and hopefully his grumpiness will pass soon.
"Come Ana, let me show you the nursery, I know you had done some organizing but I figured with what happened you would not be able to physically do it or have the time" she carries Max and we walk to the nursery.
"Thank you Gail, I really appreciate your help, I am so lucky to have everyone around me to help"
"You are most welcome Ana" she opens the door and the room takes my breath away. It is absolutely beautiful, Gail has sorted everything, hung all the clothes up, and stored the diapers, wipes and lotions. The cots have been made up and dressed. One positioned on either side of the room and a rocking chair in the middle. The changing station has been stocked with everything I could possibly need.
I know it will be a while before the twins are in here at night but during the day, having everything organized is such a great help. I hug Gail again and a tear escapes.
"Don't cry Ana dear, everything is going to be fine" she hands me a tissue.
"I know but I just never imagined we wouldn't all be together for our first time home" I dab my eyes and take a deep breath.
I start to unpack my bag from hospital but start to get hunger pangs so return to the kitchen where Kate, Elliot and Gail are eating whilst taking in turns to hold Max.
"I have made you some pasta Ana; I hope that's alright for you?" Gail says.
"I'm famished, this is perfect" I tuck in savouring every mouth full. Hospital food is ok but nothing compares to home cooked fresh food.
"What are your plans for the rest of the day Ana? I assume you want to go back to the hospital a little later?" Elliot asks.
"Yes I do but I need to figure out logistics" I say with a thoughtful look on my face.
"I am happy to stay with Max" Gail pipes up quickly and I smile
"Thank you Gail that would be wonderful, I won't be gone for too long but I will express before I go in case he wants feeding"
"Kate is tired and wants to go home so why don't I take her home and come back for you in a couple of hours?" Elliot suggests.
"You are a life saver Elliot, thank you very much"
I hug Kate and whisper my thanks for all her help over the past few days and that I will see her very soon. She hugs Max and they leave.
Max decides at that moment he is hungry so I take him to the nursery and sit in the rocking chair, I begin to gently rock back and forth while Max settles down to feed and I relax. I try to imagine Christian and I in here with both babies taking care of them together, watching them grow and develop into little people but I keep telling myself that Christian will be home soon enough and the image I have will come true.
Two hours passes in a flash and Elliot arrives at Escala to take me to the hospital. Peters will follow behind; some security is still needed even though the threat of Elena has gone. All the press are still hungry for information and I remind myself to talk to the legal department at GEH to release a statement; that might satisfy them for a while.
The hospital is eerily quiet but then again I have not visited at this time before. Grace is the only person in Christian's room and she has fallen asleep in the comfy chair in the corner. I find a hospital blanket and put it over her, at least she won't wake cold, just stiff and sore from being in an awkward position for a while. I then take my usual seat and start my informative but comforting conversation with him.
I describe how Gail has set up the nursery, how beautiful it looks and my hopes that he will be able to see it soon. I tell him how I sat in the rocking chair, fed Max and how relaxing and right it felt. I feel his hand move and squeeze mine.
"Yes!" I yell out forgetting Grace is asleep in the corner.
"Whaaaaat?" a sleepy Grace says.
"He squeezed my hand when I was talking about Max and home" I am so excited.
Grace comes and stands at my side, she looks at the machines monitoring Christian and smiles.
"All good, we have reduced the sedative further so he should be responding to familiar voices, sounds and smells and I hope he will regain full consciousness tomorrow" she tells me.
"Really? That would be fantastic if he opened his eyes and recognised us all" I beam.
"It certainly would Ana dear. Have you seen Melissa this evening? Because I think the paediatricians have good news for you" Grace smiles at me.
"Ok, I think I will go over there now, see her and then head on home" I say.
"Good, you still need your rest Ana dear, don't forget that will you?" she takes my hand and pats it.
"I won't forget Grace and thank you for everything" I hug her tightly hoping it conveys how thankful I am to have had her around the last few months and especially the last few days.
I would have skipped over to the Nicu after seeing Christian but steadied myself so I don't pull my wound or stitches. Melissa looks great, she is kicking her legs, I look into the side of the incubator and say hello and I am convinced she smiles at me.
"Hello Ana" its Diane "you look brighter tonight"
"Christian is doing better and I swear Melissa just smiled at me" I laugh.
"Good to see you smile, how was Max when you got him home?" she asks.
"He was great, I have a queue of people willing to babysit while I come here" I check my watch and see I haven't got a lot of time left before Elliot picks me up again. I settle down to feed her, rocking is really soothing to her and me, I relax completely and begin to think what I am going to say to Christian when he awakes. I will obviously seek the doctors and Graces advice before blurting anything out, after all, he doesn't know that Elena is dead, Jack Hyde is in custody; Taylor is hurt but ok and the same with Sawyer but best of all he is a daddy! I am worried that it might be all too much for him and I don't want to cause any setbacks in his recovery.
Melissa finishes a good feed and I settle her down into the incubator, indicate to Diane that I am going and will see her tomorrow and then head back to Christian. Elliot is here and is 'talking' to Christian, I knock gently so as not to startle him and he looks up and smiles.
"Ready to go home Ana?" he asks and I nod.
I walk over to Christian, kiss his lips gently and whisper into his ear that I will be back tomorrow and I want him to wake up and talk to me. I give him a last kiss on the cheek and Elliot takes me home.
Max has been asleep most of the time but almost as if he knows I have walked into the room, he starts fussing for a Mommy cuddle.
"Has he been ok Gail?"
"Absolutely perfect Ana" she states "he certainly likes his cuddles; we had quite a long one while you were out"
"Thank you so much Gail, I am going to go to bed now" I yawn as if to confirm how tired I feel.
"Of course Ana but have you had a drink? Or a little something to eat? You must keep up your calories and fluid intake, we don't want you to get poorly now" Bless Gail, she is like a Mom and I must admit it is nice to have to have someone look out for me as she hands me a plate with a chicken salad sandwich, a small back of mixed fruit and nuts and a glass of orange juice.
"Thank you Gail, I will just put these in the bedroom and come back for Max" I hug her tight.
I am back momentarily for Max
"Goodnight Gail"
"Goodnight Ana, remember if you need anything I am a moment away"
"Thank you" I say again before going back to the bedroom.
I get Max ready for bed, sing him a lullaby whilst rocking him back and forth, his eyes get heavy and before long he is asleep so I lay him in his crib next to the bed and take the opportunity to have a shower. Oh do I need a shower, it feels long overdue, refreshing and revitalising. I wrap my hair in a towel and me in a luxurious bathrobe that Christian bought me. My stomach rumbles quite loudly so I sit on the edge of the bed and eat my sandwich while staring at Max. A tear rolls down my cheek as I once again wish we were all here to share this moment.
After I have finished my food I sit at the dressing table and brush my hair through, apply a little moisturiser to my face and put on a loose fitting night shirt, it will be a while before I can fit into my slinky sexy nightwear. I go into Christian's closet, pull out a sweater and inhale his body scent mixed with a touch of his and my favourite aftershave. I climb into bed, glance over to Max before turning out the lights and snuggling up to the next best thing to Christian.
"Waaah, Waaaaahhhh, Waaaaahhhhhhhhh."
I sit bolt upright, confused for a moment as to where I am and what is making the loud screeching beside me, Oh Max! I put on the light but dim it so as not to make him squint uncomfortably. I look over at the clock, its 1.30am and feeding time.
"Oh Max Max it's ok, Mommy is here" I pick him up and he settles for a feed, he takes about 30 minutes before he is dropping off to sleep so I gently wind him and change his nappy before laying him down again. I switch the light off and quickly fall asleep.
"Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh, Waaahhhh"
I awake this time knowing where I am and what is wanted, the light goes on and we complete the routine again. Its 4.15 am and I am hoping I can get a little more sleep and I feel lucky when he settles quickly again and I can resume my own sleep.
"Waaaaaaah, Waaah, Whaaaaaaaahhhh"
I snap the light on, check the clock, its 6.45am and we feed again. Phew, this is totally exhausting but I very proudly think, we have made it through the first night and it really hasn't been too bad.
I saunter out to the kitchen with Max in my arms, put the kettle on with some difficulty before Gail comes into the kitchen and makes me some breakfast….