I gently run my fingers over a scar on his chest before lightly kissing all around the outside. He shuffles at the touch of my lips but I don't want to wake him so pull the duvet over us and ensure we are both comfortable before closing my eyes, drifting into a more restful and contented sleep.
"No; don't, please don't. I will give you anything just don't hurt us please"
"I didn't know you felt that way"
"Why? It didn't need to happen like this"
"Please, no, no NO!"
"Christian, wake up!" I firmly but gently shake his shoulders to wake him.
"Whaaaatt?" his breathing is shallow and rapid "Ana?"
"I am here Christian" I have put the light on, he is dripping with sweat and the panic in his eyes is alarming "Nightmare?" he nods.
"Please just hold me Ana" he begs, I snuggle down beside him, stroke his forehead and soothe him back to sleep. I fear this is the first of many disturbed nights we will have and make a mental note to mention seeing his therapist sooner rather than later. I am sure he would come to the apartment instead of making Christian go down town to his office, I think he would appreciate, with all the media attention, Christians reluctance to be seen going into his office.
Christian has fallen asleep again, his face has relaxed and his breathing is slow and deep so I feel happy to sleep myself. The rest of the night passes with only one wakeup call from the twins. As I stir I panic because Christian is not lying next to me in bed, I hastily throw on his t-shirt before checking the bathroom, office and kitchen but he is no-where to be seen. I hear a squeal from the nursery and breathe a sigh of relief when I see him in the rocking chair with Melissa in his arms.
"Good morning to my other beautiful girl"
"Good morning to you too" I have the biggest smile on my face "and how is my other handsome boy this morning?" I look in at my sons beautiful face. I lift him out, sit in the other rocking chair next to Christian and gently rock to and fro.
I catch Christian staring at me.
"Are you ok honey?" I ask feeling slight concern.
"Thank you Ana" hi voice is low but full of emotion.
"For what, Christian?"
"For giving me two wonderful children, for helping now and for, well just for being you" he voice breaks a little.
"I love you Christian, I wouldn't have these little bundles without you!" I chuckle.
"True" he laughs too.
"Christian, do you think it would be a good idea to have Dr Flynn come over to have a chat with you soon?" I tentatively ask.
"I don't think I need to see him at the moment" my heart sinks.
"But you are having nightmares and I am betting it is a mix between your childhood and what happened with Elena, waking up to being a father, it's all been really huge the last few weeks" I am almost begging.
"I will think about it Ana, I promise" I suppose that will have to do for now but I feel disappointed I didn't get him to agree.
"Ana, I am thinking about going into the office tomorrow or the next day" he tells me.
"Really?! Don't you think that is a bit soon?"
"I really need to get things back on track. Dad and Elliot really helped a lot but some things need my attention but I promise it wouldn't be for more than a couple of hours"
"Well how about I come with you?" I am surprised i said that but at least it is one way of keeping him to his word and I can do a little catching up myself.
"You don't have to baby, although I know a few people in the office who would be so pleased to see you and the twins" he beams with pride.
"That would be nice however I am going to need to know when and what time so I can organize myself and the twins to be ready on time" that is something that is still eluding me, everyone being ready to go all together. I usually have a last minute diaper change or clothes needing to be changed or I have forgotten to brush my hair. I chuckle to myself.
"Let's do tomorrow, say 11 o'clock. I will not tell anyone there we are going so no one can leak it to the press, oh and that's another thing, once we start going into public more, they are going to want to know details about Max and Missy so whilst we are in the office we can organise a press statement and that will at least satisfy them for a while"
"Good idea honey, so 11 o'clock tomorrow. You want some breakfast?" I ask already mentally preparing for tomorrow.
"Hmm, tea and toast with some jam, oh do we have any bagels? If so cream cheese with that please" I am please his appetite is improving.
Gail is in the kitchen with the kettle already boiling.
"Morning Gail"
"Morning Ana, sleep well"
"Not too bad thanks. We need to sort out an advertisement today for a housekeeper"
"I hope you don't mind, I know you are busy so I wrote out something already" she offers a piece of paper that she has written an excellent advert on.
"This is brilliant Gail; whoever applies will know exactly what is expected of them"
"I have put salary dependant on experience as I wasn't sure what you were offering"
"Thanks Gail, I will run this past Christian and get it out there as soon as possible"
"Any plans for the day?" Gail asks.
"Nothing so far but I am getting cabin fever being in all the time" I answer
"You could do with a break away, perhaps go to Aspen for a few days, you will be relatively undisturbed out there I would imagine"
"Good idea Gail, I will run that past Christian too, I just want to be able to go for a walk with the push chair without being chased by photographers" I say "Oh, Christian and I shall be going to SIP tomorrow with Max and Missy. We want to show them off but of course Christian will be working"
"Don't let him do too much!" Gail looks concerned.
"I won't" I smile
I walk back to the bedroom with a tray of food for us both and I sit beside Christian while we both tuck in.
"I think we should head to Aspen for a few days soon Christian"
"I don't think that is necessary Ana, we are ok here" he replies.
"No we are not Christian, I have not been able to just put the twins in the pushchair and go out for a walk for fear of being followed or photographed"
"Why do you want to complicate things Ana?"
"I want to have some life, the last month has been absolute hell Christian, I nearly lost you and the twins on the same day, it was touch and go for all of you for days and days before you improved and the twins started to respond. If it hadn't been for your family, Gail, Taylor and Kate I don't think I would have made it through without ending up a basket case. When you had a heart attack and they had to resuscitate you, I almost lost my mind, I felt helpless, sad and I could have lost hope that we could return to what we had before…" I start to cry.
"Ana, I had no idea you felt like this, why didn't you tell me?" he looks concerned.
"You have had enough to deal with just recovering from your wounds and surgery; I don't want to dump another load of worry on your shoulders" I sob.
"Come here baby" he envelopes me in his arms and we spend the next half an hour talking and crying and I feel much better for having let all my anxiety spill out.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to unload on you" I say blowing my extremely bunged up nose.
"Hey, don't apologize baby, that's what I am here for, always for you" he says quietly "Listen, let me see how things are tomorrow at SIP and I will look into getting away for a few days ok?"
I nod and wipe my eyes once more "Oh I have this" I hand him the advertisement "could you let me know if you are happy for this to go to print"
"Leave it with me baby, do you mind if I go back to sleep for a while?" he asks.
"Of course not, shall I wake you in a couple of hours?"
"Yes please and beautiful…love you" he smiles and I smile back although I must look a state, red nose and eyes, blotchy face and sound like I have a bad cold.
"Ana, whatever is the matter? Grace catches me as she comes out of the guest bedroom.
"Oh I'm ok really Grace, just had to have a good cry, release some tension and I feel better for having done so"
"You know you can talk to me if you ever need a different set of ears to listen" she offers.
"I know, thank you Grace, I will" she smiles and walks towards the kitchen while I go to the nursery. The day passes in a round of feeding, diapers, crying and bathing but I love it, I struggle to remember life without them.
The next day I am preparing us for our outing to SIP and so far so good, it is 9.30am and the twins are ready, 1 hour to get myself ready, Gail looks after them while I shower and dress, Christian has suited up and boy does he look handsome, it's a while since I have seen him in a suit, clean shaven and groomed, those familiar stirrings occur in my groin, I could just rip the suit off and jump him right now but no, control Ana, the time will come and hopefully soon.
"That's a very dirty look Ana" I blush bright red but walk up to him and kiss his lips tenderly whilst squeezing his buttocks "What was that for?"
"Am I not allowed to kiss and touch my husband?"
"You are but you have made me very horny" I look down and see a bulge in his trousers. I run my hand over the bulge and listen to his groans; I unzip his fly and push my hand through finding his hard erection. I begin stroking him, his moans are making me wet, he kisses my neck and pushes his hand into my bra to tweak my nipple, I could come undone very easily as I think Christian could if we carry on fondling each other like this.
"We need to go soon" I breathlessly say.
"You are a cruel, mean woman to leave me in this state" he jokes so I kneel down, undo his belt and trouser button allowing his length to spring out, I take him in to my mouth and begin sucking and swirling my tongue, feeling his balls and revelling in his carnal noises.
"Oh god Ana, I want you so badly but oohhhhhh…" as I tease his tip with my tongue. He holds my head as he tenses up to release his seed into my mouth.
"Oh god oh yes oh baby!" he pants as he spills into my mouth "Oh I feel a little light headed"
"SIT!" I demand, what have I done to him? The bed is behind and he takes a moment to recover his breath.
"I'm ok, I think, you vixen Ana" he smiles but has his eyes closed.
"Shall I get your Mom to make sure you are ok?"
"Like this?!" he points to his still hard cock protruding through his trousers.
"Oh, maybe not" I start to laugh "and we are going to be very late"
"I don't care, I shall tell them my wife was taking me to heaven and back"
A/N: Thanks for your patience in waiting for updates and your support. I have new story as well that I am writing, check it out under my profile.