The following morning is sombre but slowly as the minute's tick past and Elliot reminisces about some time spent with Gramps a few summers ago, the atmosphere immediately lifts a little and I everyone spends a moment thinking.
"Oh Christian, do you remember that time when Gramps bought an electric wheelchair for Nanna but had to try it out for himself?"
"I do remember, I think he would have used it for himself if Nanna had let him" Christian chuckles.
Elliot continues "when he was driving it up and down the garden path before zooming up the ramp and tipping it over backwards" before laughing out loud.
"He found that absolutely hysterical as did we" Christian adds and that memory seemed to cheer everyone up a little.
Breakfast is unappetising but Grace insists that everyone should eat a little something as she reminds us Gramps would be cross if anything went to waste.
"He would tell us that when he was a child he didn't have the luxury of fancy foods, and nothing went to waste" Mia smiles fondly.
A knock on the front door signals the arrival of the funeral home to take Gramps away so we all make ourselves scarce. Kate and Elliot go back upstairs but Christian and I go out into the garden.
He is understandably quiet but grips my hand tightly, almost afraid I will leave if he lets go.
"Christian…"I say softly
It takes a moment for him to realise I have called his name
"Sorry, I was just thinking" he answers.
"No need to apologise Christian, can I do anything for you?" I ask.
"Just being here is enough baby, I just need some time" he replies.
"Of course sweetie, I am here for you and your family whenever you need me"
"I know, thank you baby" he kisses the top of my hand and we walk in contemplative silence down to the lakes edge.
"Gramps brought me on my first fishing experience here" Christian begins a few minutes later "We were a little bit further around over there" he points to some trees in the distance "he showed me how to bait a hook and cast a line" he smiles "The first time I cast I went too far behind me and the line got caught in the trees, Gramps was so patient and got me started again and again until I got it right, I remember running back to the house to show Mom and Dad my first catch. Gramps took a photo and it sat on the mantle in their house for ages"
"That's a lovely memory Christian" I say gently not wanting to distract his thoughts.
"He helped Elliot and I build a tree house in the garden, it disintegrated a long time ago but we played cards up there, had secret feasts and hid sometimes if we had been naughty" he smiles again "that included Gramps if Nanna was on the war path"
I smile as I imagine a younger Gramps sitting in the tree house, eating crisps with Elliot and Christian whilst trying to avoid Nanna.
We leave the lake after realising we have been gone for over two hours, back at the house the funeral home have left, some discussion is happening over the funeral so I take a moment to call Gail, tell her what's happening and find out how my precious babies are, I could really hug them right now, tell them how much I love them and miss them.
After talking with Gail I feel happier, they are doing great, feeding and sleeping well, I will relay that message to Christian too.
I have a chance a few moments later to see Grace and Carrick and to tell them how sorry I am but that I feel privileged to have known him even for a short time.
They have arranged the funeral or rather Gramps had done a lot before he passed away, for the following Wednesday. Crematorium first followed by ashes being scattered in the lake at a later date and Grace will keep us informed.
The afternoon draws to a close and Nanna comes in for an evening meal, she is a little confused and more than once asks where Gramps is. Grace tries her best but I can see she is tired and emotional so Carrick takes over for a while.
We all are feeling exhausted by about 9pm and say goodnight, I feel a little guilty I can't do more for Nanna, Grace or Carrick and say so to Christian when we are lying in bed.
"You are here and that is all they need, I need and I know that you made Gramps happy" he looks sad again.
"I hope so"
"Ana, we are going home tomorrow morning, Mom and Dad need some space, and they have to get Nanna settled, sort out Gramps things, phone calls to make"
I nod in understanding plus I want to see my children so badly.
"Of course, I understand, we will be back for the funeral and we are here for them whenever they need us" I say reassuringly
"Thank you baby" he snuggles into me and falls asleep. It is a restless night for Christian who is tossing and turning, stealing the covers as he turns and is a restless night for me too. I am glad Taylor is driving as I don't think either of us would be safe to drive right now.
We say our tearful goodbyes, Grace promises to call if they need anything and she will let us know the funeral arrangements. Mia throws her arms around us both while fighting back tears.
The smooth roads and driving lulls both of us to sleep in the back of the car, Taylor's gentle voice trying to stir us is the next thing I remember and we are home. I rush upstairs as fast as I can, hurriedly greeting Gail on my way to the nursery. They are both asleep so I don't wake them but I stroke each of their cheeks and spend a moment looking at their beautiful faces.
I leave them to sleep, I walk into the kitchen where Gail is passing on her condolences to Christian, and Niamh does the same as she enters the kitchen too.
"Can I make some tea or something to eat?" Niamh asks.
"Tea please" I say.
"I am going to my office Ana" Christian says distractedly
"Ok, I will bring your tea in shortly" I reply and he walks away.
"It has hit him very hard Ana" Gail observes.
"Very much so Gail, he told me a few things they did together when Christian was younger, he seemed like a second father almost" I share.
"When is the funeral?" she asks.
"Wednesday and then his ashes are going to be scattered by the lake at a later time" I explain.
Niamh hands me a mug of tea for Christian so I take it to his office but he is not in there. Putting the mug down on the desk I walk to the nursery and find him asleep in a rocking chair with Melissa happily snuggled up to his chest. Max has stirred so I pick him up and sit in the second chair, gently rocking and thinking.
"Hey baby" Christians voice is a whisper.
"Hey sleepyhead, you have been asleep for over an hour" I say softly.
"I have?" he sounds surprised "I heard gurgling so I came in to see who was awake, picked her up and fell asleep I guess"
"These little ones need a feed, you want to help me?" he nods enthusiastically.
Bottle in one hand, Melissa in the other, Christian looks the happiest I have seen him in the last couple of days.
He winds and changes her with my help, she gurgles and giggles at him while he dresses her and he is making silly faces at her much to her and my amusement.
He sighs "Now I really do have to go to the office baby"
"Go, I will bring some food in for you in a little while, ok?" He nods and is gone.
Wednesday draws around soon enough, we travel up first thing in the morning and we have Max and Melissa with us this time. We have also be instructed not to wear black, Gramps specifically requested no black and no flowers but donations to be divided between several charities of his choice including Veterans, Dementia and Animal services.
The funeral service was simple but poignant and highlighted the best in Gramps, tears flowed but slightly happier tears if that makes sense. It was in remembrance of the good times instead of in his passing and I can imagine he would have been happy with his farewell.
Grace along with help from the housekeeper has prepared a light lunch for everyone who has been invited back to the house. Some neighbours and friends from the social club he went to once a week attended. Elliot and Christian making sure glasses are topped up and food is being offered. It was lovely to hear Gramps being fondly remembered many times over; even Nanna was telling her versions of stories, making us laugh at times.
The day draws to an end; everyone is emotionally and physically worn out. Grace abandons clearing up until the morning and the Trevelyan-Grey household is all quiet once again.
The sun is beautiful the next day, it's warm and refreshing and everyone including Nanna, the twins and Ashleigh walk down to the lake. We stand at the water's edge for a while looking at the ripples in the water, passing clouds, reflections from the trees and bushes in the water and the many types of wildlife that are also enjoying the warm morning sun.
Gramps ashes are going to be scattered in ten day's time, on the weekend unless the weather is bad.
Max, Melissa and Ashleigh have been a very welcome distraction for everyone. Auntie Mia has been overwhelmed with her nephew and Niece's but has done a great job with feeding, changing and playing. I joke we are going to hire her when Gail goes on holiday to help out but I genuinely think she would do it.
The time comes to leave again, it doesn't feel quite as tearful as last time and we will be back again soon.
Christian needs the distraction of work when we get home so he ventures in to the office for a few hours, I want to go out for a walk for some fresh air and distraction too but the hard core press have gathered outside on the news of Gramps passing and I don't want to face a barrage of questions so I make do with opening the large window and curling up on the bed for an hour of sleep.
I have the strangest dream but can't remember much when I awake; I shudder feeling a little chilly with the window open so I wrap a cardigan around my shoulders before checking on the twins. I hear a bang from the office and assume Christian is home but when I glance through a gap in the door I see Niamh at the desk but can't see what she is doing without opening the door and drawing attention to my-self.
I hurry to the kitchen in search of Gail but I find her in the foyer having picked up the mail from downstairs.
"Gail I need to talk to you privately and urgently" I say
"Nursery?" Gail suggests and I agree.
The twins are asleep so we need to keep our voices down anyway
"I think Niamh is up to something Gail, I just saw her in the office by Christian's desk but I couldn't see clearly what she was doing" I explain
"Hmm"
"Can you get Taylor to discretely install some cameras in the office to begin with so we can see exactly what she is doing?"
"I will ask him now Ana" Gail leaves
Perhaps I am over reacting but …
A/N: Thanks a lot for your support.