Steward Of Paradise At Work

by Tall-Gothic-Guy

I didn't come here to meet shrine maidens or monsters. I didn't come here to erect a cross. No one even told me about magic being a thing here. Actually, I didn't expect myself to be here at all. I was simply chasing a woman who created eye portals. But it beats being a runaway thief. I just wish I knew sooner, that this place will never give me a break, not even God...Bring it on.

4. Worth Every Muscle and Bone

Does Mr. Sun have a very lively personality as his smile? If he does, then it has gotten infectious today, because I'm having the best wake-up session ever. Thank you, you ROUND YELLOW SON OF A BITCH!

I had the best dream of my life!

I feel even more hyped for a good tumbling!

And the best part is, I'M COMPLETELY HEALED!

I feel like this was the bestest morning I ever had, not for a long time.

It might because I built a cross, but essentially, the fact that I am completely capable to do my acrobats again is what makes me happier the most.

And look at my skin, it's gone white! I'm Caucasian now!

I've checked my phone for the time. It's been yesterday since I built the monument of the Lord, and yet this changes just came out of thin air afterwards.

I had broken my bones yesterday. My back was completely ruined. I had a concussion, and my outfit was a complete mess.

Now, all those just vanished, like GONE! My clothes smelled like they recently got dried out in the sun. It smells great!

But I'm not gonna go through a mindfuck moment for all of it. I'm not going to question how I ended up with these changes in my sleep. Not at all. I don't wanna know. What I'm satisfied knowing is that I've done the Lord a great service. Now, I can pray to him whenever I can.

I'm in my tent, and I'm lying on my back. So after I passed out yesterday, Yukari probably brought me back here afterwards. I guess I should thank her once I see her again, it's a big favor to carry me here after all that. I think I would've been easy food for the animals or malicious Youkai in that forest had I been left alone. I wonder how Master reacted upon seeing me like this when she brought me here.

Hmm. Maybe she teleported me to my room instead and teleported away before Master could notice her presence.

Alright, let's sample my healed body with a starting sit up. Don't use arms, me.

Kick legs up, don't hit the tent ceiling aaaaaand…nothing! Nothing hurts! No spike of pain on my back or pelvis, even the stiffness on my ankles are gone! YES! Okay that's good. Now, squat down, then test the flexibility. I brought my head to both my knees (exercise gets you there), then try to lay forehead to the ground. I can!

Alright. It's good, I'll test the rest of my body outside. It's early in the morning, last I saw on my phone was 6:13 a.m., and my phone battery had reached a 100%! I mean, HOW!? Last two days ago, it was just below 4%!

Did you charge this, Yukari? Did you teleport to the outside to charge this? Oh, how could I pay you back for this!? Are you putting me through debt!?

Alright, I'll deal with those concerns later. Let's zip open this tent. I wonder who's gonna be the next person to be found outside. Will it be a redhead this time?

*Zip*

No one.

Aw. I wanted to share this hype with someone. Oh well, it's still early in the morning, people still need some sleep a little more.

And—WAIT! IS THAT A MCDONALD'S MEAL!?

Holy shit, it's a whole PACKAGE! And there's a note next to it, let's see what we got he—

It's written in Japanese.

…

Seriously? Really? Why didn't you write in the dollars, Yukari? Did you forget the fact that I can't read a damn about these symbol—

…wait….

I could read it.

Dear Eman.

Here's your reward for your efforts yesterday. It's been a while since I've seen a human do something so rigorously for one thing. And you surely destroyed yourself to build that cross. But nonetheless, your God rewarded your efforts with a healed body and a new skin makeup. He also gave you a new shampoo (try touching your hair and find out). He came down yesterday and blessed your craft.

Don't believe me? Try to remember where you are.

He also forgave your sins, you are now clean of sin in this Gensokyo. As for that, I will now officially deem your crimes irrelevant and not a concerned problem to this land.

That's all I have to say. I will rest for now, and I will not be present for a while. Try not to miss me so much, I'll be back~

Enjoy your McDonalds and your new body.

-Yakumo Yukari.

….

….

Yukari.

You….are the Greatest Youkai on Earth. Hands down, you are the greatest woman I ever met. And because of this paradise you created, you've proven God's existence.

HA! SUCK IT, ATHEISTS!

Now let's munch this bitch!

†Dear Lord, I thank You so much for everything. This Gensokyo, this new body you gave me, all the blessings you gave me, and all the sufferings I went through yesterday, I thank you so much, Lord. Words cannot express just how grateful I am and how happy I am. All my sins, all my happiness, all my gratitude, all that I have, please take them as your own, and remember me.

Now, bless us O Lord and this thy gift which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord,†

[AMEN!‼]

GET OUT THE TRAY AND INTO MY BODY, BURGER!

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

Jobs done!

Thought me as I placed the broom back besides the entrance of the shrine. Alrighty, after a few hundred sweeps and an hour and half (I think), I cleaned up the shrine premises once again, front and back, not going for the roof again since I could see Suika sleeping up there again. It's a little bit cloudy today, cold and humid morning it was, but I don't mind since I like this kind of weather.

Breakfast has been great. And I mean really great, it has been a LONG time since I ate a McDonald meal and I practically ate in tears. I don't think I ever ate anything since I came to Gensokyo.

Did I? Yeah I didn't, all I ever consumed was tea, more tea, dirt, and pretty much my own pride.

Yukari got me two number 9's (Two fried chicken legs), a number 9 large (four servings worth of rice), a number 6 with extra dip (a large bowl of gravy), a number 7 (a chocolate SUNDAE! With CHERRY ON TOP!), two number 45s (TWO HAMBURGERS, BABY‼), one with cheese (also with ketchup for good measure) and a large soda (too early in the morning to drink, but who the fuck cares!?).

I saved a portion for Master's share. I figured it'd be a give-and-take kind of policy between us, I should show her just how grateful I am for granting me residence to her shrine. My stay ain't gonna last here so I gotta make do while I'm still here.

Hmm, maybe a 'Giving Policy' would work instead. Compensation for crimes, you know. I've been stealing and taking last time, I should be doing the opposite for the good of myself and for the good of others.

I left just half of the entire breakfast to her doorstep on a tray with a note: 'To show you my gratitude, here's a serving from some of the outside world's best eateries'. Writing kanji sure outright felt foreign. It's like knowing you're bad at drawing and when you try to draw or sketch a tree, then suddenly what you drafted actually looks good when you didn't realize it the first time.

I should learn to get used to this new language if there's going to be a need for it. Oh wait, I should get used to this Yen ASAP, I'm in freaking Japan. Is there somebody else 'round here who speaks English besides me and Yukari?

Hmm, probably. I'm willing to bet that some western monsters wound up here as well, can't wait to meet 'em!

Sitting down on the porch, I grabbed my sundae that rested beside me and ate what's left of it. Sorry, Master, but I will never share a sweet SUNDAE with anybody, even if it means getting my back bruised again.

….

Ah~ that was good. Okay. Time for an exercise. The right clearing of the stone pathway looks good for a few tumbles, and there's a nice wind blowing too. After a few warm-ups, stretches, and a few aerobic choreos, I twisted my body one more time and I am now ready.

One. two. Three.

And away I Go.

I did a running start, then I pretty much repeated the stunt I did in front of Yukari the first time. But this time, it's a Cartwheel, 3 Backhand Springs instead of 6, and 1 Somersault in the air instead of 2.

Oh Thrill, my old friend, how I missed thee.

After the landing, I did another running start back to where I once was and did a Hands-Free Cartwheel towards my starting point, then a follow up Webster, then for the grand finale: a scoot spin, a follow-up cork spin and land like Spiderman; one knee to the floor, other knee propped up, one hand against the dirt, then the other raised up behind my back.

Simple as all that was, it feels good to be back.

The cloud of dust that was created from the movements would pretty much make the performance pretty much up from cool to awesome. Sadly, there was no audience so there was no need to go all-out. Because when I go all-out, it is the path to immediate exhaustion.

Gonna go for more!

The next thing I did: Tricking. The dance sport of all the tumbletons. Judo kicks, round kicks, numerous spins, a large variety of flips, bringing in some B-Boy moves too as well (doin' the flare, baby), I was a flutter of four limbs in this very shrine yard.

The next few minutes, I was now dancing the Capoeira. My most favored fighting/dancing style. It was the only fighting style I knew that utilized my mobility, balance, and my sick desire for continuous movement whenever I do my trickings. I was a machine that just couldn't stop moving, and I danced with the wind: graceful and forever flowing.

My Tricking Brothers out there, if you could hear me: thank you for being in my life. I hope you all ate well, hope ya'll didn't go too far such as driving drunk, I bet all yer virginities are all stolen to some of the pointless women who only wanted your dicks and not your lifetimes. Not like I'll be followin' all your examples, guys, but do know that I missed ya all.

I hope ya'll had fun without me in your life, looking good in the crowd, winning some trophies in the tournaments, and I hope you all remember to be humble as you kicked absolute butt.

Hehe, damn it. I missed them already.

One last cartwheel, then we scoot, and finally stop with an easy backflip, landing to the dirt on one knee, resting a forearm atop the other while I buried my eyes on it. Sweat dripping down my temple, the cooling wind breaching my wet chest inside my shirt, the loud thumping of my heart, and the heavy breathing, I totally went all-out on this one.

Gensokyo, be ready, cuz Eman's comin' to town and say hello.

*Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap.* Some polite applause.

Hmm?

Oh, Master, you were watching? Aw, now I'm feeling the heat rushing to my face. "That was impressive. I never seen a fighting style that mixes martial arts and dancing together before."

"Oh! Good morning, Priestess Reimu." I stood up from the crouch and patted my hands and knees to dust away the dirt stuck to them. "How was the McDonalds meal I left for you?"

"Delicious." She covered a burp with a fist. "And you're welcome, by the way." She looked over the yard, then the stone pathway, having an indicative look in her eyes. "You cleaned up again, didn't you?"

"It occurred to me that I must take initiative and lessen your burdens for today since we are to bring the state of the shrine back to its original state today, as I recall you tasked me to do two days ago."

She crossed her arms, "Is that consideration or are you just doing it out of the obligation for staying here?"

I placed my arms on hips with a smile, "Which do you prefer, Priestess?"

She shrugs, "I'd say you're a bit of both, and a little bit of neither."

"If it is the latter, what might be the third?"

"You're a workaholic."

Do you hear that? That's the sound of my jolly mood being shot down with a flak cannon.

Being called a workaholic isn't a compliment. It's like I'm being called a slave to my obligations. I do things that I want to do, and there are a times when there are things I have to do. There's a difference.

"Nonetheless, thanks for your hard work." Aw, now there's the gratitude I wanted to hear. Anytime, my friend. "The food was great."

"You're Welcome, Priestess. I'm always here when you need someone to slave around."

A tiny laugh broke out of her tiny smile, "I appreciate it. And you look really chipper and bouncier than last time. Last I saw, you were a complete wreck just as the shrine would've been."

Don't forget that you're part of the reason why I became a complete wreck just as the shrine would've been, you technically put me in a mini-coma last two days ago, all thanks to you whacking your stupid gohei on my head.

That fuckin' hurt, you know.

"Indeed." I stood tall, puffed out me chest, and spread my arms to show her all of my healed glory. "State the difference from the Eman you've acquainted with last two days to the Eman you see before your eyes."

She placed a finger to her chin and looked over me calculatingly. I'm not wearing my jacket today, just take your time and revel in all of my gifted whiteness as much as you want.

Hehe, not really, I'm not that cocky.

"You can move perfectly now. Your back's repaired to good condition. And you've gotten pale." She frowned, "That's not an issue, is it? And how did you get white skin in your sleep?"

Hehe. "Not entirely sure. I awoke to see my skin being discolored. And I don't think it is an issue, all I am sure to say is that I feel much more alive." I swung my right arm and right leg straight upwards to the air behind me, hopped on my other foot and I let momentum do its thing. Eventually, it made me do a Webster flip, then I landed back to the same spread armed pose, all without a grunt in impact. This flip's gotten easier over the years. "See?"

She merely raised an eyebrow at the stunt instead of widening her eyes in surprise, then she held an impressed look, "If you can still do that, then let's get started with the repairing." She turned around and headed for the entrance's direction, picking up my empty sundae cup on the porch. "Oh," She stopped, looking over her shoulder, "Could you wake Suika up? We might need her help for this. She's on the roof."

"Um, I have questions as to why she's up there as I mostly seen her, but I'm not going to ask." Okay, trees of the Hakurei Shrine, time for you to be acquainted with the Master Tree Climber.

"By the way," Geez, make up your mind, I nearly tripped there via bolting sprint. "How did you actually climb up the roof? I doubt there's anything here high enough to use as a hoist besides the trees."

Oh ho ho. Hear that? That's the sound of a stranger saying hello to the great climber. Let's give her a nice and friendly salutations, shall we?

That tree over there looks fantastic enough, a few branches nearby the trunk for me to hold on and its structure couldn't be any better convenient. It has a rather strong-looking branch that's reaching out to the roof like an outstretched arm.

Don't mind if I do, old tree.

The best part about this: I'm not hurting anymore.

I didn't even need a mental preparation as I instantly bolted, running towards the bark until I came close to it and laid one foot to its trunk, kicking off it to the air, backflipping before my feet touched the ground.

After that, I ran back to where I started but with extra distance, running past Reimu as I did so. Watch closely, Priestess. While you have it easy with the power of flight, there are things an ordinary human can do without any magic or wings.

Running back towards the tree one more time, I added more speed to my feet and I quickly wall-ran the bark, making two steps in before I latched on to the nearest branch. Don't think you could cut my fingers, Tree. I've had more than a thousand cuts before they became calloused and able to resist your shit.

Alright, I'm hanging with both my hands, just swing the feet a little forward, then pull….up at the momentum given. Managing to lay my foot on the branch with my hand placed on the trunk to keep steady, I steadily worked my way up a little with the help of the other branches until I finally reached the outstretched arm branch. Looking down, Reimu was watching me closely. She looked very intrigued with the performance. Guess she isn't versed with physical application like this.

Alright, walk on the beam. Keeping my hands outstretched beside me for balance since I don't want to take chances after having just recently recovered, I was slowly reaching the end, my foot path getting shorter and shorter.

*SNAP!*

[SHIT!‼] JUMP!‼

*Crash*

HO! HO! HahAhAhA! NOT HAPPENING, TREE! I made it to the roof before the branch snapped on my weight.

"You alright up there?" My Master called, her voice not at all concerned or worried, which I don't mind.

"Yes." Control the adrenaline, man, talk calm like you always do after the performance. "Ready the construction tools while I wake the slumbering lion."

"Right. Try not to get bit or mauled." She replied. "Seriously."

…..Noted.

*Snore…..*

Scratch slumbering lion, make that a dozing kitty cat. Look at her, flush-faced and drooling, makes me want to poke her awake.

….

Whatever, let's poke her.

As I looked up, the lion is still slumbering, unaware of my presence as her recent drunkenness sapped her ability to hear my recent hollers. With steady steps, which created a loud clacking noise like that to a foot meeting ceramic tiles, I deliberately made attempts to arouse the mighty beast with the sounds of my feet as I walked towards her. When I noted the attempts are deemed pointless, I will resort to the main method.

But first, let's do it from above her head, don't want her to swing that typhoon at me again.

I aimed a direction that would make her think I was in front of her, I poked her cheek, "Little Suika, rise and shine."

"uuuuughghhhh"

I held on to her left horn—damn this thing feels so real! I-I mean, it is but….damn!

Gotta let this go, wouldn't wanna give away my position.

Poke. Poke. [Come on, kiddo. We're gonna need some extra muscle with the fixes so we can repair the damages you caused.]

What? She broke the shrine, not me.

"A'ight. A'ight~ quit shakin' me, willya?" She mumbled, swatting at the direction where she thought I was, and she made the trees cringe and lose a little bit of their hairs.

Wow. Kiddo got ham.

"Huuh?" Little munchkin now decided to sit up, rubbing her eyes a little before she realized that no one was in front of her, "Where d'ya go?"

I placed my hand on her head and ruffled her hair. She turned to look at me, I leaned my head back a little since her horn nearly nailed my nose there. "Good morning, Little One. How was your hangover?" I never thought I'd ask that to somebody drunk out of all things.

She did a sleepy-drunken-kiddie smile, a cute combo. "'ey~! Yer back, Amon~! Why's yer skin all white~?"

She didn't see my twin today, but she butchered my name, again.

"It's Eman, Little One." I trailed my hands down to her hair a little more before I drew back. Her hair is very smooth, how does she keep it that straight even with a hangover? "Priestess Reimu requested someone of your caliber to assist in the repairs." I stood up, awaiting her to follow. "Sorry for the sudden notice but Reimu seems eager to finish this thing quick."

"Hold'n." She requested, going for her pitless gourd and chugging. I wonder if a Pandarian Brew Master was around here. I wonder if she got that gourd from him. Hihi! Would love to meet him and have a sample of his finest. "Okay, le's go." She made to stand—

*Slip—Grab!*

Whoops, looks like your balance is still deterred there, Kiddo. You nearly fell off the roof. "You want me to carry you?" I asked, my grip on her wrist still holding her from straggling off the roof.

"Eh? Why? I can walk jus' fine~" You know what, screw it. Come'ere. "Wah!"

Sorry, just couldn't stop myself.

There we go. Now she's seated to my forearm in front of me like she's a dummy to my ventriloquist. I'd do it with my arm making an L shape position and pointing beside me but since she had horns on her temples, I'll settle with her resting her back on my chest to avoid unnecessary laceration to my bicep.

She looked up at me, a small smirk forming on her tiny face amidst the rejuvenated drunkenness. "Forward, are we?"

Yeah, not gonna happen, kiddo. "Just enjoy the little ride, Little One." And I walked towards the backyard's direction, the part where it was most damaged. She didn't press on, she just drank her juice some more. Try not to get carsick, eh?

When I'm close to the edge, I looked down on the grass to see a few tools ready at the right area and Reimu going back to the small shed, probably to get more.

How do I get down?

Oh. Oh! I know!

"Little One, do you like to fly?"

"What? Why'dja ask?" Fair enough.

"Good, now hold on to that gourd." I held on to her waist as tight as I could, Suika immediately understood what I was about to do and she hugged her booze close. I don't need to look at her face to see if she was thrilled or scared. I could feel it from here, "Ready?"

"Yeah!" Nice.

"One." I began.

"Twoo." She followed, the giddiness lacing her tone.

Two steps back for a short running start.

And….

""THREE‼"" And I jumped off to a side-flip towards the ground, hugging Suika's curled form with me, screaming all the while. [YEEHHAAA!‼]

*Crrrshshh*

….

To be landing on ASS as a fall-cushion since my legs didn't support a little of Suika's weight as I landed, it brought back the good ol' times.

The fall did not hurt. Not at all.

ASS, you proved your worth. You get a cookie.

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

We make way into repairing the shrine. Reimu was a little flabbergasted at our stunt, more annoyed for being surprised than actually worried, and the little drunkard was laughing like hell, as if fresh from a rollercoaster. I was proud of myself.

It was great to be back.

I first made myself as someone who should do the muscle-work, but with Suika, who could carry ALL the equipment by one-hand, I figured I just follow whatever instruction Reimu would tell me to do, doing the hammering or sawing. Looking at the kiddo carry those beams of wood that were bigger than herself makes me like a wimp as a man.

All throughout, we make small conversations while we worked. Mainly about me and the outside world, then we exchange and Reimu shall tell me about Gensokyo in turn. Muscle work and Mental work, good combo.

Reimu asked about how I learned tumbling and I told her about my time as a tree kid, how I started the tumbling when I was 8 and when I came with my accidents. Once a upon a time, a kid called Eman had friends who like to climb trees and jump off them in large distances, challenging each other who could survive the longest jump. The kid fell on his ass so many times he became the Iron Butt Man, then slowly through trial and error, he was as adept as every other kid in the neighborhood. Soon enough, he and the gang found an older kid who could backflip and shit, fascinated by such talent, they strive to be like him. One by one, they learned everything from the big brother, learning everything he had, we suddenly began to do flips on our own, even doing twisting front flips over a stone ramp when we felt like it. The childhood was fun, till Eman became 10 and he moved to another country, where he developed a new kind of tree climbing, Parkour.

Ah, good times.

Then, I told them about how the outside world has become, especially with how the Iphones are getting upgraded.

Then it was Reimu's turn. She told me a little about Gensokyo. And there's this interesting thing called the Spell Card System. I thought she was gonna repeat everything Yukari said but apparently there was more to it. Apparently with the Youkais instinct to fight in order to satisfy their urges and the humans being a little underwhelmed in terms of strength when encountering a Youkai, this system was created in order for things to be fair.

Human or Youkai, they use magic or physical attacks to fight. A particular term she mentioned: 'Danmaku', is some form of projectile anyone can use to fire at the opponent, kind of like a bullet or an arrow. It's a main offensive attack unlike the real world where we normals have to punch and kick. The main thing about the SCS is that it's not about who is the most powerful overall, it's about who could fight to the best of their unique ability and capability, or in Reimu's words, 'The most beautiful fighter wins'.

The principle of Gensokyo: Nobody is weak. Only the ones who are good in what they can do can be victor.

I have to say, I support this principle.

"Dan-Maku" As far as this new language could do help to me, I think it translates to 'bullet barrage' or 'bullet curtain'…..I don't know. I need to work on my Yen a little more. But the sound of 'bullet barrage' does sound kinda appealing. I could imagine a fight full of bullets flying all over the place that nobody could get out of cover.

After the construction was done, the back porch perfectly fixed with new wood and the dislodged tiles on the roof replaced, we sat on the porch to rest. Reimu drank some delicious tea, Suika drank some good beer, I drank some nice water from my supply and enjoyed a moment of peace.

I was happy. Very happy. What I had gone through for the past few days made me smile.

Free from reality.

The existence of magic.

The existence of monsters, malicious or benevolent.

God existing.

Common logic being fucked over so bad it became loose.

Me fixing something for someone else.

There's nothing short of the good things that I could list could ever turn my smile downwards.

"What are you smiling about?" I recognized Master's voice, but I'm not going to open my eyes just yet.

"Oh, I am relishing my freedom."

"Freedom? What do you mean?"

I forgot to mention that it's the freedom to do good things without the police chasing me every time they saw as much as my hair but I'm not gonna let it out that sooner. "Everything in this land is exactly of my wildest dreams. Though I may exaggerate, but this land is much more fitting to me than the so-called 'Outside world'."

"Why? Is the outside world really that restricted?"

Restricted sounds almost accurate there.

"Maybe not as restricted as this land, but I am not complaining. There is freedom for me to run around, climb trees, and no one is going to complain."

*Pop* The sound of a gourd popping off a mouth, which belonged to Suika as she sat between me and Reimu. "But wha' 'bout yer family and friends? Won't ya mish 'em?"

Now that makes the peacefulness disappear. Smile, rest back for now and let Stoic take the stage. "I don't, Little One. I lost all contact with the people I ever known when I became 17. For one, I lost all hope and became a thief."

"Wait, you were a thief?"

"Did I hear that right?"

Even Suika's slur is gone.

Sigh, damn it. I'm not sure if I even blurted that out accidently or not but it looks I don't have a choice here anymore but to let it out, "Yes, I am a thief. A person who steals from people. I have been doing the deeds for more than 2 years. And I have never been caught till the day of my coming here."

"Till the day you caught Yukari and stowawayed here."

Yes, Master.

"Why'd you become some stinkin' thief?"

Damn, that was a deep stab with an incisor knife. Suika doesn't hold back there.

"Because I was desperate."

….I can't believe I just said that.

I never realized it until I said it out loud. I actually was.

"Being abandoned to deal with yourself can make you use the wrong actions. While my circumstances lead me to theft, I have no excuses for my actions. And the Outside World would've been lucky with me out of their existence had I been caught. People like me aren't forgiven easily. I admit that Gensokyo was my exodus. I came here so I could hide."

That wasn't the truth, but it wasn't a lie either. I'm confused here. Should I even hide it, or should I tell them?

Then, again, what point does it have now? Like I said before.

No more hiding.

No more stealing.

"But it's different now." I opened my eyes, the world being a little yellow or green, and spared a glance to them before looking away, "I will not steal anymore. With God as my witness, I will renew who I am and become a better man. That's why I erected that cross at the clearing as proof."

….

Silence. An awkward but considerable silence. Until I hear the sound of a gourd being chugged downwards a childlike esophagus and a tea being sipped.

They understood.

….

Thank you.

"If you don't mind, Priestess, I will nap here for a short while."

"Mm." Tight lipped now that you know that I'm a thief, maybe even wary? Can't blame you, really.

Lowering my back down to the wooden porch, my forearm as a pillow behind my head, my other hand lying atop my chest, I closed my eyes and let the emotional and physical exhaustion take me.

…..

Umph.

What's this?

*Gulp. Gulp. Gulp*

Suika? Why are you lying your head atop my midsection?

"Um, what are you doing?" I asked.

"I've seen my share of thieves, and I know which is so desperate that it had to be done and which one just doesn't know how to keep their hands to themselves. If you're some kinda plain old thief, then you wouldn't even tell us any of that. Hearing you say all that makes me think otherwise." Even your slur didn't come back. What the heck's happening? What happened to the jolly and drunk oni I've met and adored? "I like you, Eman. You're honest."

…..wha…

Um, Reimu, any clarification for this?

She just shrugs. *Sips tea like nobody's business*

Sigh. Whatever.

Don't mind if I ruffle your head a little more, Kiddo.

As my touch kneads her orange head, she closes her eyes and corks her gourd, resting it on her belly. Suika's hair, it really is soft and smooth. I guess that's an oni trait, I bet it stays straight even if she gets caught in a tornado.

…

"Zzzzz" She fell asleep.

…..

…

Oh well.

….

…

ZZzzz.

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

When I came to, I think a time of maybe an hour or 2 had passed since I took an afternoon nap. Nonetheless, the fact that I've rested and that my energy had returned is the main idea here.

"uuuuuhhhh."

And the Kiddo is still sleeping with her head atop my waist, her horn touching my ribs a little in every inhale.

Weird feeling, to say the least.

I brushed a few locks near the base of the protrusions with my thumb: that horn is seriously sticking out of her head. New revelation, oni also translates to ogre or troll.

I sort of found that out in my sleep. It's a kind of thing I've learned to do whenever I sleep, my mind sorta works that way sometimes. I think of something to think about before I sleep, the shit suddenly arrives in my sleep.

Another expectation diverted. Disregard the horns and the superhuman (or was it superyoukai) strength, she doesn't have any other trait like that to a stereotypical troll. Suika would be fooling anyone who would think that her horns were put-on. She looks more of a cute, innocent little girl than any given from folklore or mythology. A drunken, cute, innocent little girl, to be exact. If anyone dared try to take advantage of her, she won't be needing any help. She could just punch everybody in the balls without so much as taking a breather while she's drinking. That kind of logic won't make any sense in the real world.

Then again, I woke up with white-skin and my clothes had been cleaned up mysteriously.

I'm still not used to Gensokyo's eccentricity.

Steadily, I lifted Suika's head until I slipped out and laid her little head on the wooden floor. I walked back to my room with steady steps, careful not to wake her up with my feet.

…

Coming back with a folded shirt in hand and my black jacket in the other, I placed the red shirt underneath her head after I lifted it up. Afterwards, I covered her little body with my jacket. It's made of wool and made to withstand winter, I'm sure it'll feel fluffy and comfy for her, especially in this windy mountain shrine. I hope she corked her gourd really well, don't want it to spill the booze all over it. Smelling like beer is the last thing I wanted to happen to me in winter.

Walking back to the interior of the shrine, things are a little quiet. Not something I'm used to, but it's pleasant. Back outside, the sound of cars and people passing by are almost a complete bother, a good reason for me to keep moving, to keep running and to occupy myself from listening to it. This shrine, or probably anywhere in particular to Gensokyo, everything was quiet. Only the touch of nature can be the song in the wind. It's nostalgic, and a little melancholic.

It makes me feel like taking a lazy day and let nature take care of things for you.

Master was sat by the kotatsu (is that what they call it, a short table with blankets underneath it?) in the interior, sat on her ankles atop a cushion, a tray with kettle and two cups on the table surface. I walked over and sat down in the on the side instead of in front of her, slotting my feet through the blanket and stretching them out, tea tray in front of us. Reimu said nothing as I came, merely taking the tea nearest to her and sipping.

Sigh.

I wondered why there should be another cup there. Is it for me? Nah, I don't think so. It might be for Suika, or for someone else. Master looked like she's expecting someone.

…

…

"That cross."

Hmm?

"That cross out there, just in that small forest down the hill." She gestured with a tilt to her head at the entrance, where the donation box was, and outwards to the red archway. "Was that the cross you were talking about?"

I nodded, "Yes."

"Did you build it yourself?"

Did I? Um….I guess I did. I was too humble to admit that instantly. "Yes, by an assisting effort of Ms. Marisa and Lady Yukari herself." Even if all the Shorty ever did was just pin the wood down or compare my religion to some fucking mathematical equation, she helped in a way only I could see so she deserves the mention.

She turned to me, an unreadable expression crossing her face, then she looked down on her tea, "I see Yukari had made her move." I bet she's talkin' 'bout the death-plan she thinks Yukari is planning. "What is that thing for?"

"The cross? Well…" How do I say this right? I can't just say outright that a new religion came in just with the simple construction of a cross, it wouldn't make sense if I put myself in her shoes. Hmm…. "The best I could say is that the monument marks the beginning of a new religion."

She snapped her stare back to me, a look of shock on her face, "What did you say?" She asked darkly.

…uh, is it me or did I just made her mad by unwittingly becoming a religious rival?

I awkwardly chuckled, raising a submissive hand, expressing the fact that I am NOT inclined to convert people like a missionary, "A new religion called Christianity has arrived to Gensokyo." I meekly answered, still smiling awkward, "Be assured that I am not eager to be your religious rival. Besides, I'm the only worshipper here, I couldn't possibly bring myself to think that my religion would be greater than yours in this land."

She scrutinized me very sharply, black orbs sharpening in a way that could read another person's motive, truth, or next action simply by looking. I don't why but unsurprisingly I could see a warrior reflecting herself with just the way she looked at me. She brought her green cup to her lips and drank a large swig, then slammed the cup to the table loudly, "What the hell is that Gap Youkai thinking?" She hissed.

'Gap Youkai'? Was that what Yukari is? What kind of a demon is a 'Gap' Youkai?

"If you do not mind me asking:" I politely began, being careful not to make this Master of mine flip off, "What is Yukari to you that you simply cannot trust everything she does?"

"Nothing ever comes out right whenever that hag's involved." She answered, not looking at me as she glared at her empty cup. "It just gets so confusing, I can't tell if she's helping us humans or siding with the Youkai, putting somebody's life in danger whenever she's scheming something."

"Is it wise to assume that she is plotting my death through my religion as you seem to think?"

"If you didn't, then you're the biggest idiot I ever met in my life."

Ouch, that was just a joke question, but it just fucking backfired to my own face. "Now that's not nice." I calmly said, not at all bothered by what she said, "How could a new religion instigated by her even bring any harm?"

She shot me a very hard glare, looking very annoyed, "You really are an idiot. Were you even listening to everything I said?"

Hey! "I was listening. I'm just asking how a new religion could even cause possible deaths and damages."

"Ugh…." Now, you're facepalming. What is it that I don't get? Tell me, Reimu! I seriously don't see your point here! "It's Yukari, gods damn it! I told you that yesterday, and I've been hinting you that just seconds ago! You're going to get hurt sooner or later because of her! And now, because of you playing along with her building that cross, you're close to being in danger! Oi!" She swiped the teapot from the table in a violent swing, so quick that it made me flinch, and her stern voice got me stiff. "Outsiders…." She muttered, drinking her refilled tea.

Damn….so much for all the efforts I tried in gaining her trust and favor, I just made a disappointment out of myself because of my religion.

I bet this was the situation where the guy gives up his faith or something, just to save himself the future sufferings wrought by it.

Well, no. Not me. I'm not born a Westerner, I'm born from the Eastern side of the world. Religion is part of the soul for my people, it'd be like losing an eye if we just give it up like that. It's not like building that Cross yielded nothing for me. My body is fixed up from all the broken bones and bruises after just one simple day, and I became fucking white, I no longer had my Eastern flesh anymore. It's like I was born again, except being as my usual suicidal self.

Plus, Reimu here is showing signs of concern, just in a way that her personality gives. I had all the clues to know that this girl is blunter than my fist, and she hits hard. She's so quick to let out what's on her mind, she doesn't give a damn moment to think about what to say and just instead lets it out without a damn care of who she's talking to. But her concern for my wellbeing is noticeable, and the fact that she's getting annoyed, for my sakes, just makes me so happy.

Since when was the last time anybody ever displayed their concerns for me? Ah, yes, I remember. It was just 3 months ago, a month prior before I began chasing Yukari all over the fucking rooftops.

Doctor Christopher…..sigh. I wonder if his wife had finally delivered their baby and called her Ella like we talked about. He must be so happy right now, and I hope he is.

I better defend myself here, sincerely, and have a place in Reimu's trust again. I just gotta make sure her schedule doesn't involve me in it, especially by worrying. Having people waste their good time over me, doesn't feel right to me.

"Do hear me out, Priestess." I leaned back, holding myself up with my hands. "I did more than just 'play along' with Lady Yukari. It is not as if she wanted the religion to begin with, I wanted it to exist in the first place. She was merely there to assist me in my spiritual crises."

"Yukari never does things on a whim." Is that so? "She obviously had other motives, she always does."

"Then my death will be her undoing. I'll rise up as a ghost and raze her entire existence to oblivion until she resurrects me." I think I just made it worse, you look so disappointed with me right now, but lemme finish eh? "Besides, I don't seem concerned with her plots at all. If you are so worried about me dying, then I doubt Lady Yukari would even dare."

Reimu looked like she wanted to say more, but then she relented, sighing so deeply that I'm starting to think she gave up, taking her cup to her lips and drinking heavily, "If you end up dying, don't come crying to me."

Yeah, she gave up. At least she won't be having me in her schedule anymore, at least not until I get killed by Yukari. Would she still be concerned if I get attacked by a rogue Youkai?

Hmph. "It's not like you or Lady Yukari are responsible for me. I came here of my own will, and whatever happens to me is nobody's concern. What happened to me two days ago is my own fault and no one else's." I hovered a hand over the second cup of tea, letting my hand feel the warmth of the delicious tea air caressing the palm.

Wait a minute.….

Oh.

*Snicker*

She frowned at me, "What's so funny?"

"I just came to a realization. Yukari is my Salvation, Gensokyo was my Exodus," I brought my warmth hand close to my face. Yeah, even the smell is pleasant. "I wonder when or what my Genesis is."

She was frowning, confused as to what the hell I was talking about, "A Genesis for what?"

"Heh. I will let time dictate that." I declared, taking the extra cup to my hands, "May I?"

She gave me an exasperated look. What? "What else do you think it's there for?"

…...Um…..

You know what?

I'm not gonna ask.

*Sip*

Ah~ Pleasant.

Now I feel suddenly peaceful, it's prolly because of the tea. Seriously, what does she put in this stuff? Feels like it had the automatic effect of calming the hell out of people's nerves.

Oh well, whatever the recipe, this stuff's gonna become my coffee (obviously it's just tea but who the hell cares?). Never liked ordinary coffee, tastes bitter.

Reimu and I sat in silence, drinking Peace-Tea (I think I'll call it that for now) as we did, enjoying its wondrous calming effects while in this shrine's cool interior. I closed my eyes as I sat perfectly still, trying to impersonate some kinda statue. With my visuals put to rest, my hearing just got a little too sharp, and to my convenience as well.

The rustling of the leaves beating against each other as they sway by the breezy wind, the sound of my own heartbeat, steady and calm, fully relaxed thanks to this atmosphere, my guard totally down (for once, fucking finally!) now that I don't have to worry about eyewitnesses calling the cops on me, I was in bliss. If I was wearing my glasses and made the bright lighting of my closed eyelids dim down, I would've fallen asleep. I tend to sleep during these moments, too bad I already had.

Sigh.

I opened my eyes once again, and everything's colored in greens and yellows. So weird.

I took the kettle in hand and poured myself another. I wonder if I'm gonna end up doing it all over again, draining the entire thing with Reimu having the least of it than me.

Hmm…..probably.

"What kind of religion is it?"

"Hmm?" I set the kettle down, sliding it forward to her distance, which she accepted and poured herself seconds (or was it fourths?).

"Your religion." She repeated, placing the kettle down and sighing. "What does it teach?"

Right.

I drank my tea a little, just to wet my throat in case of long explanations. "If I were to state all of its teachings one by one, it'd be tomorrow by then." I drummed my fingers on the desk for a bit, "But I could spare a few of its most basic teachings, ones that are easy to understand, especially for a person of an Eastern Religion like you." Lemme just drink some tea for a bit. Okay, "Few of the things it teaches is about generosity, humility, love, kindness, zeal, self-control and temperance. It emphasizes our role as a neighbor."

Reimu gave me a long stare, I'm not sure if she's exasperated or simply deadpanned, "Really?" Yeah, I expected you to say that. "That's what it teaches? All those things are something all humans are capable of. Why should there be a religion about it?"

Haaa, the oblivious ones tend to have predictable responses.

"In my religion, that claim is sincerely doubted." Everyone is born evil after all. "We are not born with a moral compass. It is made, molded, and handed down by the people who influenced us in our daily living. Friends and family in particular are the best examples." I once heard an atheist claim that we are all born with a moral compass, as wrong as he was it just pisses me off when he don't consider the people who made him into what he is. "Us Christians make an effort to overthrow our truly evil selves with the rules handed down by our deity." I might be phrasing this the wrong way but hey, not like there's anybody to correct me here. I can just show the real gist of it next time.

Not like I'm in the mood to talk about my religion today anyway.

"I think it's cynical, your religion that is."

I got a counter for that. "Life is hard, Priestess. I highly doubt that even you would say otherwise." And for an opinion I had in mind for a while, I'll share it to you, "The only reason why life is like this is because humans made it that way, hence the claim of my religion: No one is born good."

She lightly frowned, though she looked down on the cup she held on the table with both delicate hands. "….can't disagree with that. 80% of everyone I know are always up to no good 24/7."

I chuckled inwardly; I could just imagine a picture of a grassy field with Reimu in the center, standing just like a normal person while her friends (whoever they are) stood behind her, doing stupid shit such as holding an A-bomb in broad daylight or juggling 5 C4s, while also smiling like dinguses.

So, I held up my cup to the air and announced with empty fervor, "Here's to you and to your saner friends." And I drank the Peace-Tea, letting the amusements melt down along with the pleasant-tasting liquid into a more serene atmosphere.

"As few as they all are." She sighed, taking a drink too.

I give a lazy smile, closing my eyes once again. "I wait in anticipation to meet them." I whispered, then I rested my left elbow on the table, supporting my cheek up, opting to fall asleep again, just like this. A flashback of my high school life suddenly comes to me, nobody even noticed me sleeping through the entire physics class until it was all over. Haha, good times.

"Hey, Reimu! I'm back-da ze."

…maybe not.

Even though I said this many times but I'm gonna say it again: Fuck everything that ruin all of these peaceful moments I barely get to relish, and why'd it have to be the Ordinary Magician I met yesterday?

Turning to face the back entrance, where Suika was sleeping on the veranda with my jacket covering her, there was Marisa, disembarking from her broom flight and slamming her feet to the grass. And what's that sack on her back?

"About time," Master doesn't sound so glad with her arrival, nor does she look eager. More like unamused overall. She seemed to be looking at the baggage with disdain. "Are you sure these mushrooms are not poisonous like last time? If it wasn't for my intuition last time, Gensokyo would've been falling apart."

The sack looked like there's something moving inside it.

"Not this time! Trust me, I know my mushrooms like an oni to her beer-ze." Marisa answered with an energetic smile and brought her haul to Reimu's direction. And the smell coming out of it—egh! Where's my handkerchief? The smell of that stuff is like a killed insect! What the hell is in that thing!?

"Marisa, what the hell is in that thing?" Reimu asked warily, covering her nose with her big sleeve.

"What else? It's the mushrooms you asked for yesterday." Marisa fiddled with the rope that tightened the opening, and she gaped it wide for— "See it's—AAAAAAAHHHH!"

HOLY SHIT!‼ THAT'S A SACK FULL OF COCKROACHES!

"AAAHHH! WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE THINGS!?"

[FUCK THIS! I'M OUT!] To the front yard I go!

"O-oi! Eman! Get back here! You can't just leave me with this—AH! There on my feet!"

"AAAAHHH! THERE'RE IN MY CLOTHES! AH! AAAAHH! GET 'EM OFF! GET 'EM OFF!"

I'M NOT HEARING ANYTHING! I'M NOT HEARING THE WOMEN BEHIND ME GET MOLESTED WITH THE MOST DISGUSTING INSECT I EVER HATED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!

"WHERE'S MY HAKKERO!? WHERE'S MY HAKKERO!?"

"Hakkero!? No way! It took me more than a week to fix the shrine the last time you blew out your Master Spark here! Don't do it!"

"SCREW THE SHRINE! I'M ROASTING THESE BASTARDS TO SMITHEREENS‼‼"

"DO NOT DO IT!‼"

"«MAAASSSSSTTTEEEEEERRRRRRRR»‼!"

"NOOOOOOOO!"

"«SSPPPAAAAAAAAARRRRRKKKKK»!‼"

*BOOOOOOOOOOOMMM‼‼‼*

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

"Owch! Damn, Reimu! You and yer gohei should get married! You don't really hold back with that thing, do ya!? I thought my skull was gonna split open-da ze!"

"I told you to not use the damn hakkero! Now the side of my shrine's on cinders! We've just fixed it, you idiot!"

Actually that rainbow laser just blasted out the edge of the right side of the shrine. Apart from the burnt wood and a few holes (including a forest fire that was thankfully not so hard to deal with), nothing worse happened. Thank goodness there was a pond down just nearby the shrine. The fires could've gone a lot worse.

"For the gods' sake, Marisa! This is gonna be the last time I'm trusting you to getting me mushrooms ever again!"

"Cut me some slack, Reimu! I double-checked them! Totally! Literally! And fully! I bet its that shota-bug again!"

"I gave you specific instructions! How could you even screw this up!?"

"The hell do I know!? I followed everything to the FUCKING LETTER!"

I won't blame Reimu for being furious here. This is both her home and, first and foremost, her Place of Worship. I'd be furious if somebody desecrated my Place of Worship that Yukari and I built. I literally broke my bones to build it. And holy hell, is she so shaken from the bugs. Thank God for the instant extermination via overkill (Sparkly Megaton Rainbow Laser-wise).

"Excuse me for interrupting the argument, you two." I had to raise my hand up to be polite. The two are a more than a little peeved, for various reasons, and would likely punch a bystander for the hell of it if provoked. "But what exactly happened? What was the situation that lead to this? I deserve to know, considering that I have to run all over the shrine to find possible water to douse the fires."

The both of them sort of glared at me, which made me shrink inwardly, then they deflated themselves of their heated argument and decided to become at least be conversational.

Master came first, resting her elbows on the table. "Alright...!" Oh dear, she looked furious, and horribly annoyed. To be honest, I'm losing my confidence to be near her. "Okay, a week from now, a little get-together will happen from our old enemies and other acquaintances. Kind of like a party."

Friends and enemies party? Frenemies party? I'm a little concerned, but please, continue.

"Marisa and I have to handle preparations, food included. I asked her to get some mushrooms for an ingredient from the forest of magic." She looked up, giving the witch a hard glare, "Apparently….."

I sort of gave the witch an accusatory/ non-accusatory glance. She apparently screwed up the job and ended up hauling creepy crawlies instead. If no one was watching until it was too late, we'd be cooking and eating grubs, and we're not even in Africa.

"Hey! I fully checked‼ I even checked up and down at them 4 times each before I haul 'em! *Slam!*" She slammed the table with her fist, "No damn way did I mess up!"

4 times? Each? Damn, that's dedication. Commendable.

"Oh yeah? What part of the forest did you search?"

"On the south side, just like you told me-ze!"

"Besides the insect tree?"

"That's what you told me also!"

"Underneath the rocks?"

"Yea—" Marisa got cut short, and the horror of her mistake slowly came way to her face.

"Marisa, there's a reason why it's called 'Insect Tree'." Reimu scrutinized, "The rocks are the best places to look for them since there is less infestation there, I thought I told you that."

"Uuuhhh…..Noooo, I think I didn't. Maybe those cockroaches just magically appeared there and ate all the mushrooms~" Marisa, if you're going to lie, at least stop looking around. You're giving everything away.

"Uuuurrrrhhh…‼" Master just gave up, burying her face to her hands. "Why do I always have to do everything myself?"

I awkwardly ran my hand up my hair (smooth and silky, didn't quite notice it at first), feeling a little off and useless for not being able to do anything in this situation.

"Well, come on. Let's search again." Marisa stood up, and her expression reverted back to its usual face, determined and swagger, though she isn't smiling. "With the two of us, it'd probably go faster-da ze."

"Ugh! Fine." Reimu submitted, raising herself to her feet.

"Um. May I come as well?" I stood up as well, "I would like to remain useful for now since I have nothing to do."

"No."
"No."

….Okay, that was too fast a reply.

"Um, why?"

Marisa clarified, "The forest of Magic ain't like any forest, Eman. It's full of nasty gasses that just a small sniff of the stuff could burn your lungs."

…..Okay. I'll keep that in mind, but…"How did you manage to survive?"

"She can't get poisoned." Reimu answered. "She somehow lives in that forest and her body's used to all of the poisonous plants there. She even eats them."

"Hey, you should try them, Reimu. Narcissus makes good pickles. It's tasty."

"Marisa, if you could just stop putting anything poisonous in it, I will eat it."

…Okay, note to self: do not eat Marisa's cooking. Chances of foaming in the mouth are above 90% likely.

"Whatever, come on. Let's go." Marisa prompted, grabbing her broom and going for the front entrance, leaping over the donation box and immediately flew off, bolting off in rather cringing speeds.

"Haaa." The priestess just sighed again, giving me a tired glance, I could see the 'why me?' look she sent me so easily.

I got nothing comforting to say, so I'll just pat your shoulder.

There, there, everything'll be alright. It's a learning experience.

"Haa." Second sigh. Doing okay there, boss? "Be right back. You and Suika watch over the shrine." She walked out the entrance and flew off as well, following Marisa's direction.

…

Wait, what about Reimu? Is she immune to the poisons of that Forest of Magic place as well?

…...Eh, whatever. Maybe at some other time, I could get to be useful. For now, I'll just sweep the ashes and cinders off the premises, again.

Oy….

*Tap. Tap. Tap.*

Hmm? Oh, looks like the kiddo woke up.

"Oh, Little One. I can't believe you slept through all that ruckus." Though, why are you wearing my hoody, ain't that too big for ya? You're even holding the gourd with your hand still inside the sleeve. Whatever, she looks cute in it so I'm not gonna say anything. Just don't spill beer on it, eh?

"'ey, Emon. Where'd Reimu go?" Geez, Suika. How come you could say Master's name and not mine? It's been a hundred times already.

"She went out to get ingredients for the party."

"Uh huh," She nodded, rubbing her eyes with a sleeve, "What's for dinner?"

I looked outside, looking at the area where the last recent sack of cockroaches had formerly been before it became nothing, it's just a smoking crater now. Look at how deep that crater is, I bet Suika's head would poke out if she jumps in there. "We're having…."

A cockroach crawled to my rubber shoe.

*SQUASH!*

"….roasted and mashed cockroaches...!" Fuck outta here, you damn freak! I kicked its corpse right outta the shrine, straight to the crater, apparently frying it thanks to its still-burning temperature.

"Cockroaches?"

Ugh...

"Hmm," I see something bulge out on her cheek, her tongue perhaps? "I think I ate one while I was sleeping."

….

…..

….….….

Okay, I'm gonna go to the backyard and enjoy some sunshine instead of thinking about that. Even if you're an ogre, it's just….eegghhh…..

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

"Do ya fight?"

My momentum giving me assistance, I managed to place the second foot on the tree bark as I wall-ran its rough surface, then I pushed myself off it, launching myself to the air and doing a backflip. Landing back to my feet, I looked up to Suika who was lounging on the tree branch above me.

"Say again?"

"I said 'Do ya fight'? Or those biceps of yours are just for show?" She took a big swig afterwards.

Well, uh…."If you mean 'being capable of self-defense' then yes. Being a street dweller has its requirements, and my former way of life demands quite more."

"Li'e what?"

I did another wall-run, making two steps in on the tree before I tapped the highest point of the tree I could reach with my hand. When I landed, I leaned on the bark and replied, "For one, I must be strong, I must be brave, I must be capable of navigating any kind of terrain, I must learn how to take risks, I must be agile, I must be ingenious, always stay away from public eye, and I must trust no one." Saying the last one really hurts me. I trusted only one man, and he was the one who never called the cops on me, despite the way I was.

"And now?" She looked at me with a leer, as if taunting me about the last part.

Well, how about this? "You know how it well be. Since I resigned from thievery, I will learn to be more social instead of being wary of everyone around me."

"Even if everybody 'round you's a Youkai?"

Oh right, that. I forgot about that. "Besides that. I cannot expect every Youkai to be like you, Little One, so my caution lies on Youkai and it is up to me whether they are deemed trustworthy or not."

"Do you trust me?" She gave me a big smile as she asked.

I smiled lazily, "Any reason for me to not trust the cute little Ogre lounging on the tree I chose to do my warm-ups on?"

Then her smile became predatory, and I nearly tensed at the sight, especially with the way she looked at me, like a cat spotting a mouse, "What if this cute li'l ogre's just acting cute to make you lose your guard before she kills ya, eh?"

I crossed my arms, not at all fazed by what she said, though my smile disappeared. "You are yet to try." I am so fucking stupid here right now, why am I provoking her, the kind of person who could twist my neck with a pinky finger? "Besides, how would Reimu react if you had?"

I took several steps back, then I wall-run the tree once again, latching on to a branch as I lost the momentum, pulling myself up to lay my foot on it, then I navigated through several more till I took a spot on a spare branch besides Suika, relaxing here with my back against the tree while my hands are placed behind my head as pillows.

You see this, Suika? This is how much I trust myself in your presence, my guard's completely down, and I am not even wary at all. I'm just being friendly here, "And one more thing." I shifted my ASS a little, this branch is way thinner than I expected. "I liked your company, it'd be rather…..unfortunate if our little friendship just breaks apart just after several moments." You took an afternoon nap with me, you even lied your head on my belly as well, and you're still wearing my jacket, that's saying stuff. I'd be devastated if things just end so suddenly.

She lied on her side on the branch, holding her head up with one hand while the other held the booze, giving me a rather big toothy smile, somehow balancing herself really well despite the small girth of the wood she was on. She extended her gourd to me. "Here. Give yerself a toast for us."

Oh….uh, "Do forgive me, Suika, but I can't." I pushed the bottle away gently, speaking as gently as possible without being offending, "Give me pardon if this offends you but I…hate alcohol. The bitter taste, the possible intoxication, and the potential liver damage, I wouldn't harm my body with such a thing."

"Ya wimp!" Ouch. That hurts, like a whole lot. And coming from a childish girl too. She's still smiling though. "Yer not a man if you don' drink this miracle gourd o mine! It'd be the start of our li'l frien'ship, y'know!"

"Unless the quality of the alcohol is quite delectable, I stay by my word." I raise my hand up in full devotion to the vow of my words, "I will not drink bitter Sake."

"I might just resign our relationship~" She sang in a tease, smirking deviously.

I just crossed my arms, looking at her with a resolved look. No way in hell am I drinking shit-tasting beer, Suika. EVER!

Instead of her smile going away, it just got even wider, and the shining interest in her eyes were starting to intensify, and they were glowing that way since I got up here. Is my abstinence really that impressive to her? Or is it my will to refuse, even at the cost of a friend? She brought the gourd to her lips, rolled to her side, and she fell off the branch, whirling a little in her fall before landing perfectly on her feet—

Holy shit, the tree shook on her landing. And she didn't even stop drinking from the gourd either, and her eyes were closed too. Nice!

"You're amazing, I sincerely confess." I remarked, smiling down on her from this vantage point.

Removing the gourd from her mouth with a pop, she gave me a big cute smile, waving her hand in a beckoning gesture, telling me to come down on her level, "C'mere, you 'n me are gonna play a li'l game."

A game suggested (and possibly self-made) by a super strong ogre kid? Who wouldn't resist? This is totally not life-threatening at all.

"Excuse me." I swung both legs to one side of the branch and I let myself slip off the edge. When I hit the dirt ground, I rolled from left shoulder to right waist to break the fall damage. Even though I could stand the fall (thanks to hardened legs), I'd be needing all the power packed in me to play this game of hers. Whatever it is, it may not be child-friendly by the look on her face. The fact that she's an oni is a dead giveaway. Standing back up, I dusted my back and shoulders from the dust before I faced Suika. "What's our little game?"

"It's a li'l somethin' I made up." She wobbled over to me, almost looking like a silly dance if I think about it, "Is simple, you just gotta break my arm."

Wha-wha-what!?

"What?"

"Ya heard me." Woi! I thought you were about to punch me and blow me across the clearing, you nut! "Break this arm and I'll make you my best buddy forevah!"

I looked at the outstretched right arm incredulously, then I switched to look at her blushy-red face, pissed so much from the booze she kept drinking, then back to her arm, whom she told me to…break.

"Why? Why even risk something such as a lifetime commitment for this? Besides, how would I even know if you are truly willing to uphold your claim? What if I had done something you would not like?"

"What? You doubting me? Ogres don't lie, ONLY HUMANS LIE!" I cringed back at the shouted claim, do to how strongly she said it and how true it was. "And we DO NOT break promises, even if it kills us! If you do something I don't like, I'll break yer spine as capital punishment like a good friend, then I'll forgive you."

….Really? I'm even more reluctant to say yes now.

Do I really have to do this? Just for the sake of having a cute booze-hopping little ogre as my BFF?

Uuuggghh….what would a sensible person do in this situation?

…

….….….

….….

I nodded, "Deal."

"Yay~! I knew ya had it in ya!"

The willingness to hurt something as adorable as you? Yeah, I totally have it in me.

Fucking hell, this is gonna SUCK.

I held her sleeved wrist with one hand, feeling the shackle from within, my other arm positioned itself below her elbow to make it easy to bend it the wrong way. By the way, look at her arm: it's crazy-thin, slim enough for my entire hand to wrap around it, fitting for her childlike appearance, even though she's past a millennium years of age. How does she even rip trees off the ground or break the entire surface of the earth with these arms?

"I'm not stiffin' it so it'll be easy for ya." She supplied, jerking her arm on my hold as emphasis (it's so light and marshmallowy) before taking a swig.

"Thanks….." I mumbled, unsure if I should even be thankful or be guilty. This is seriously hurting me more than it is gonna be for her, and I barely even started. "I'm going to start now."

*Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.* I only got big gulps of her booze as a response, and she's still drinking.

Okay, here we go. Lord, forgive me for this.

BEND! [Hrrgh!] I tensed my left bicep below her elbow, hardening it to serve as a bar, and I gripped her wrist with the tightest grip I could ever manage, then I pressed it downwards, forcefully bending her arm—

—which is not bending at all.

*Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.*

It looked like Suika barely even felt it, she's not even breaking away from her beer. Which is insulting!

BEND! [ERRGH!] C'mon! Bend, you sonnuva bitch! Fucking bend!

Oh great, I'm lifting her off the ground!

*Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.*

And she's still drinking!

DAMN IT!

Heaving a deep breath, I tensed my arms to the fullest extent I could even manage in my entire life, my veins bulging from my arms, and did all that I could to break this kid's arm in half. I ended up growling gutturally in the process, my bad habit showing itself without restraint. Suika is almost over my head as I unintentionally lifted her up, and she's still drinking from her bottle, the bottom pointing upwards to help the liquid flow down her mouth.

Fucking damn it! Why can't I bend this fucking arm!?

She suddenly stopped drinking, looked down on me and—"HM!"

[UUGhhaa!] AH, MY BACK! My oxygen, it got blown out!

She just threw her feet back to the ground, then she threw me over her head, and slammed my back to the ground. Coughing from the dust cloud that came from my landing, I was finally able to speak, "What…are you doing, Suika…!?"

"I didn't say I'm just gonna let you have it!" She guffawed, slapping her knee while her other hand hugged her gourd.

You little…!

"Again!" I bolted up to my feet, snapped ahold of her right arm again, extended it outwards, then I kneed the joint—OW, MY KNEE! THAT FELT LIKE I JUST KICKED AN IRON BAR!

"YA!" Whoa!

*Grab* She caught my other leg (which was my standing leg since I was clutching my other knee, hopping), and she threw me to the air, sending me away from her. Reflexes kicking in, both my legs pitched themselves backwards so they could meet the ground first upon landing. Once I felt the ground, the momentum pushed my ASS to the ground—only for me to transfer that momentum to my legs as soon my back met the ground, making them bend towards my chest, subsequently doing a backwards roll on the patch of grass I landed on, from the center waist to left shoulder, then I was back to my feet.

I don't know why, but doing that felt good. I always wanted to do that, nobody in the Real World was strong enough for the task (they keep saying I was too heavy, even though I look slim).

"Ooohh~" Looks like Suika really liked the performance, hopping up and down as if she was thrilled. "Maybe yer not as wimpy as I thought you are."

I rubbed my right knee some more, feeling the ache slowly disappear. "Uuuuh…thank you?" I don't know how to respond to that.

"Looks like those broken bones yesterday really blocked yer potential. You really did chase Yukari all the way to Gensokyo!"

She didn't believe me the first time, did she? "Um….of course I did…." Even though I sound unsure, she's got justifications to doubt me: chasing Yukari was not an easy task at all. Only people with mobility and vitality like mine could pull that off. All the vaults, the long distances of endless running, then wall-climbing—oh my fuck, I can't believe I just pulled them all off not more than 3 days ago.

"Alright!" She stomped the ground, causing another tremor to the shrine, even more than a dozen trees fluttered. "Since ya can't break a cute little Ogre's arm, we'll play a new game."

Oh no, not another one.

"Try to stay conscious for just one minute."

[What?]

"YAH!" HOLY SHIT! INCOMING LOLI BREAK-BONES!

I bolted a dive to the side, rolling away before Suika could nail me with a horned head butt to my face. Looking behind me—holy hell, she just slammed her head to the tree and she knocked it down to the ground from the roots. She doesn't even look dizzy at all as she turned to me with a gleeful grin, jumped to the air, a shoe raised up and ready to—

Holy shit! Barrel roll!

Her shoe slammed where my head would've been, causing an explosion of dirt, soil and earth to blow out to the air. In a panic, I pushed myself up back to my feet, taking hurried back steps away from the Ogre as she began to throw wide punches my way. Noticing a tree behind me, I spun 180 and quickly went for it. Not needing to look behind me to know if she's chasing after me, I quickly wall-ran the bark, making 3 steps in before I jumped outwards, over Suika as she punched the motherfucking tree to complete oblivion, sending chips of wood to the air, before I landed with a roll and took even more distance from her.

Looking over my shoulder, there was only a stump replacing the tree now, and the other half was lying down on the ground. Shit, is this kid tryna kill me!?

Oh shit, she's looking this way!

"Come back here!" You got a really psychotic smile there, Suika!

Tree, save me! I leapt up to the Savior Tree's chest, caught the nearest of its branches before I stationed and balanced myself upright.

"Climbin' trees to get away! Ahahahahaha—egh!" She just fucking punched a chunk out of Savior Tree's trunk, making the tree tilt precariously because of my weight, making me latch on to the nearest branch to keep myself balanced.

Thank God for the trees being close to each other: I jumped to the nearest tree branch before Suika punched S.T. the second time, finally toppling him to the ground (you will be remembered!).

"Ooh, monkey boy, eh!?" Suika leered up to me dangerously, fists clenched tightly as she stomped up to the trunk of the tree I'm in (I'm amazed how she's still keeping her hands exposed out of that oversized jacket she's wearing), "Why not come down and face me like a real primate!?"

*BURSH!* She punched it! Next tree!

I jumped over to the third tree, I looked down—she was suddenly right next to the base, punching the damn thing before my feet even landed on it.

Looks like tree-jumping's not safe anymore!

I leapt off the tree and landed back to the ground with a roll, and bolted inwards to the forest. She did not say anything about limited game fields, that means I can go anywhere I want to make sure I last how many minutes? One?

"YAAGH!"

Oh shit, she's gaining on me!

…..

But Suika's also ran into my field of expertise. I once lived near a forest before I was 10 years old. Playing tag with the barkada in that territory of ours yielded me the ability to make quick sharp turns, bob and weave by any tree without losing speed, pull a lot of feints, make easy wall-run flips, and potentially lose my pursuer in the process. How? Just by simply running. I don't like to brag, but I just love to run fast.

Weaving through 3 trees as I sprinted with great haste, escaping the predator that is out for my blood, I broke a sharp right by kicking the base of the tree, propelling me to the desired direction.

"Hey!"

I bet she slammed herself into that tree there, I wish I could've seen it. It's always funny every time, last I remembered.

Pumping my arms as I quick as my legs could go, I utilized my arms to weave through the forestry, spinning if necessary, just so I could look at behind me to verify Suika's distance from me and choose the next necessary action.

Sharp right. Feinting a right, only to go left. Sharp right again. As Suika was nearing distance behind me, I wall-ran a tree and ejected to the left instead of back flipping towards behind me, totally fooling Suika's movements as she jumped up with her hands poised to catch me above her had I actually did it. Bolting off straight ahead with the dose of adrenaline pumping through my system to help me pick up speed, going through a straight path unobstructed by trees (though I had to jump over roots and fallen trees), I was finally reaching another clearing, one that wasn't the Hakurei Shrine.

Bursting through the bushes with a power jump, possibly breaking a few twigs and branches as I did with my feet, I rolled upon contact with the ground, getting myself facing a rather large tree that was planted in the very center of this clearing.

I don't know what kind of tree this is but this is the largest and the tallest (whoa) I've ever seen since I came to Gensokyo.

Going up its bark for a wall-run, I quickly looked around me as I twisted around upon ejection, lacking the backflip.

Suika isn't around anymore.

Landing with a roll again, I quickly snapped my stare on all directions, including above me, who knows if the drunky could go for the death-from-above approach.

Seeing that the coast is clear (only temporarily), I pressed my back against the bark of the giant tree, making possible attacks visible in my 180 degree view, it could allow me to see her pounce at me if she did.

*Quirsh!* The sound of something (most definitely a tree) being ripped off its roots from the ground in the distance.

Hmm….

…..

…..

…..

What the hell is that—IT'S A FUCKING TREE!‼

*BRSH!*

I dove the fuck out of the flying tree's trajectory as it crashed into the strong bark of the larger tree and would've pulverized me to a fucking paste had I not moved out of the way.

Heart pumping, eyes wide, adrenaline bursting, and a spike of fear running down my system, I looked at the direction where it came from and I saw—ANOTHER TREE!

Barrel roll!

*WRSH!*

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! THAT FUCKING NEARLY NAILED ME! I'M HAVING DÉJÀ VU!

Bolting up to my feet, the movement faster than normal thanks to the crazy rush of adrenaline and the near-brush of death, I looked up for the next tree to come flying in and I see Suika riding it home TOWARDS ME!

"YAAAAHHHOOOOOOO‼!‼!"

RUN!

Bolting to the opposite side of the giant tree where it is safe and not targeted by thrown giant pieces of Nature, I heard the catapulted tree (with passenger) smash against the surface before I even reached the other side.

"Nunununununununununununununun—" The gibberish not unlike that of jabbering pygmies coming closer and coming around the tree to reach me, I see the drunky wearing my jacket finally coming into view holding a—SHE'S WIELDING A FUCKING TREE!

"YAH!" She swung!

I ducked low, cradling my head, and the 15-feet improvised 'club' smashed into the giant tree, right where my face was supposed to be, sending so many leaves and pieces of wood flying all over the places. By using one hand, she reared the tree back, readying a vertical smash, and I quickly dive-rolled out of the way before it struck the ground, coming to a stop before I turned to face Suika—

[Ugghaa!] She hit me!

I was so glad I jumped back before she finally hit me, doing so killed most of the heat of the blow and made the strike bearable in my forearms as I blocked it and got myself flying off the ground. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, MY ARMS!

*Thud!*

I hit the ground, rolling several times before coming to a rest. My arms aching like shit, the glaring sun boring down on my eyes (MY EYES!) as I opened my eyelids, I turned to face the side to look at Suika as she readied another blow, really eager to turn me to a fucking mush. Rearing it back over her shoulder, she walked over to me in slow and deliberate steps, smiling deviously like the fucking Demon she truly was. Stopping at the distance where her tree could still reach me, she swung it over her head and brought it down on—

HRGH!

….….….

….….….….….….

….….….….….….….….….

I'm still feeling the heat of the sun, I can still hear my heartbeat, I could still feel the grass underneath me, I didn't realize I held my breath.

Slowly opening my eyes, my eyes met the sight of a really thick bark, its extremely wrinkled texture exposing more than a dozen decades years of life before it was suddenly uprooted from the ground, never to age a century ever again, and it was suddenly drawn away from being close to mere inches to my face to being sent flying over the clearing, falling to the forestry far, far away.

UMPH!

What the!? [Su-Suika!?] She's straddling my hip, giving me a rather cute and happy smile, signs of aggressions just seconds ago no longer apparent. I was looking at the same Kiddo who tried to give me booze just to make me a man.

"Congrats, Eman!" She said my name! "You passed the test!"

Wait, what!? "What do you mean 'test'?"

"Lissen." Her smile disappeared, turning to a grimace, exposing her canines as if sneering inconspicuously as a way of showing she's being serious, "Outsiders are the quickest to die, and the fact that you got Yukari's eye on you just makes ya a potential target for the bad stuff in Good Ol' Gensokyo." She's not even slurring anymore. "I was testing ya, tryna see if you could even last in the face of danger."

So, she was just testing my aptitude and compatibility of surviving Gensokyo's unforgivable environment and unfriendly inhabitants? "So the meaning of surviving one minute was….." I trailed off, letting her finish for me.

"Anybody who can't survive a single minute of me is a weakling." Her nose crinkled as she spatted the word, "And I Hate weaklings." She greatly emphasized that word, then she began to chug on the booze again. When she was through, she turned to me again with a smile, "You…survived~!" She did a dance on her seat, which was me, which is not….healthy. She was wiggling her butt on me as she waved her arms around and shook her hips in her little dance.

"So…that means I can survive Gensokyo on my own?" I asked with light tentativeness.

"And you get to be my buddy~!" She snapped ahold of both my shoulders, I yelped as she pulled me upright and enclosed her tiny arms around my neck, her shackle chains inside the jacket sleeve clanging on my shoulders as she mashed her forehead against mine…! This hurts!

But I like it! She could easily flatten my facial skull but she's holding back for me!

I was suddenly mirroring her bright smile, shaking my head lightly along with her so we end up rubbing each other's foreheads while growling like animals with the occasional giggle, noses bumping each other in the process, meeting her fiery brown eyes with my personal hazels. I wrapped my arms around her waist despite their ache from taking the blow of the tree, she wrapped her little legs around my waist and tightened the hug, I swayed our bodies side to side as we stayed like this for a while.

I was about to be killed seconds ago, I nearly got my ribs shattered apart by a flying head-butt, potentially stabbing my heart from the inside, I nearly got fucking squashed by flying trees, I nearly got my head mulched to a fucking splatterpunk's contemporary art, and I ended up having a cute little Ogre girl as my best friend in the aftermath, FOR LIFE!

WORTH IT!

Thank you, Gensokyo! And Thank You too, Lord!

"Your breath smells like cheap alcohol." I chided.

"Your breath smells like shit!" She shot back, which I laughed out on, throwing my head back from the forehead battle. Since when the hell did I ever brushed my teeth? It's funnier than it is annoying.

I placed my hands underneath both her arms and lifted her up to the air, just like a loving daddy lifting up her cute little daughter to the air, "I like you, Suika! You are my Cute Little Munchkin from now on!"

"And you're my Lanky Little Punching Bag from now on!" Even if that sounds horrifying, I don't care!

I positioned her on my shoulders, whirling her around so her legs could point in my forward direction, and then she finally sat on my shoulders, pushing her skirt back off my head as it blocked my vision. Grunting in exertion, I pushed myself up to my feet without trouble. I'm still primed to do more free-running, 3-months of chasing after a fucking teleporting Gap Youkai (whatever that kind of demon is) yielded this much stamina. All that running and adrenaline didn't do much to my system just yet.

Holding her ankles to make her unable to fall off my shoulders, I began to walk back towards the shrine through the clearing, relying on memory to find my way back.

"Hey, Emen."

What the fuck, Suika!? We just had a rather touchy-feely moment earlier, even said my name right, and you still fucked it up afterwards!?

I looked up to her upside down face, not bothering to hide the disdain in my eyes or in my voice as I leered at her maliciously, "Yes, Munchkin…!?" 'Ogre don't lie' she said, pretty sure she wouldn't like liars either, so I held back from hiding my emotions.

She giggled, "Y'know what ogres do to humans they like?"

"What is it?"

"We kidnap 'em. Iz the strongest bond o' trust between us humans and ogres."

….Okay, I'm surprised. Not because of what she said but because I wasn't surprised. Did the death chase desensitize me or something? "So….as soon as I gain all of your trust, are you going to do the same to me?"

"Eh." She gave a flippant wave, drinking some juice for a pause. "Reimu'll beat me sober."

Really now? "Since when were you ever sober?" I chuckled.

"Since the aaaaaaaancient times~!" She sang drunkenly, doing silly arm movements that was supposed to be a dance.

Whoa….

"So that potentially makes you a legal grandmother who would spoil me rotten?" I asked, smirking.

"Hihihihi~~" She giggled, chugging some more of the booze.

To think that she remained drunk for fucking centuries…shiiiit. It's kinda amazing how her ogre liver could survive that amount of poison for a long time. The hangover would definitely split her head open if she ever got sober, like literally.

Oh well, not like I'll ever see the day anyway. And now: Time for a celebration!

"Hold on, Little One! It's time for a little fun run! Hold on tight, put your hands in the air if you love it, keep your feet in the transport at all times, and watch out for branches, Munchkin!" And away I go! Into the deep forest, sprinting through and weaving the forestry with my super-fast running.

"Wheeeeeeeee~~~!"

[Ahahahahahahahaha! Whooooooooooo!]

By the time we got home, we found out that the backyard we messed up because of our game was also part of the Hakurei Shrine, and Reimu gave us our just rewards for 'watching over' her shrine, in the form of a gohei coming to the fucking head in the speed of 100 mph, then we got slaved to clean everything up with a splitting headache so bad I thought my head bled, and I almost thought Suika had a hangover. By the time it was over, it was the moment that I was totally exhausted (and that barely ever happens anymore), and I promptly passed out on the veranda with Suika on top of me.

Yep, this is definitely the Best Day Of My Life.