Steward Of Paradise At Work

by Tall-Gothic-Guy

I didn't come here to meet shrine maidens or monsters. I didn't come here to erect a cross. No one even told me about magic being a thing here. Actually, I didn't expect myself to be here at all. I was simply chasing a woman who created eye portals. But it beats being a runaway thief. I just wish I knew sooner, that this place will never give me a break, not even God...Bring it on.

6. The Devil Shelters

Uuuugghh.

What the fuck happened?

Agh, my eye…! Why does my eye hurt….!?

What on the fuck even happened? Last I saw, I think…..Uh…..

Let's see: Marisa left me behind, leaving me to myself after leaving Kourindou, then I walked out the village, straight to the Misty Lake then I found the red mansion. I think I walked up to the gate and—

Oh.

I got socked in the face by the gate guard.

…..…..shit.…..

That was a clean punch, good and precise. Damn she has a good arm. She even gave me a fucking black eye, can't open my left eye right. Came out of fucking nowhere that I didn't even see it coming. Ow.

Wait. What am I lying on? Feels…..soft, and comfy—

Wait…..

Fluffy something below my head.

Warm something atop my chest, covering down to my legs.

Soft something below my entire body.

Clenching fist: I crumpled something close to soft fabric.

Intensify sense of touch: it's warm, it's comforting, it's amazing, I'm being hugged by something horribly amazing.

Raise head…and look down…..

Motherbitching criminal, I LYING ON TOP OF A BED! AND THERE'S A BLANKET ATOP ME!

SOUND THE FUCKING ALARM, I JUST SLEPT ON A FUCKING BED! PEOPLE! SOUND THE FUCKING ALARM!

I can't believe this! I can't believe this! I can't believe this!

There was always hard ground on my back every night, even if I use my clothes as a cushion. All that isn't so additionally comforting at all. I sleep in and out occasionally, the fucking stiffness comes back so often—so uncomfortable, even if I'm used to it, I still complain. Even in Master's shrine, I didn't even burrow a futon. I still felt the hard ground when I sleep in my tent, it's a fucking mystery why I didn't ask for the futon Master promised.

But MUDERFUCKIN' HELL, I just slept in a REAL BED! FINALLY! The soft pillows, the warm blanket, the even-snuggly bed...…..Ah~~~so wonderful~~

I wanna lie here forever~~~!

"Aaahhh~" This is Heaven~

Now that I'm comfortable, let's see where I am.

Let's see here: this beautiful red King-sized bed, giant closet with the wood painted red, a large mirror, red smooth curved walls, a red couch, a window draped with red curtains. This room was large, way too large for normal people, especially with the chandelier above (also colored red except for the lights, a standard yellow candle).

This could'a been a living room, this is way too big for even a bedroom. But with all the furnishings of this place….I doubt it. This is a bedroom, all right. There is only one door, and it makes me feel like I just paid for a night in a 5-star hotel.

This is definitely one of the bed quarters of the Red Mansion.

"Have you awoken?" A smooth, feminine voice asked.

Well, hello there.

I woke up in some classy bedroom (with a BED, no less), suddenly there's a blue-colored maid with awesome short braided white (dude, why is every chick looking so hot right now?) hair asking me if I was awake even though my eyes are open. I didn't even see her here the first time. How the hell did she get here without the door even opening? Has she been here the whole time?

"Nope, I sleep with my eyes opened." I chuckled before I sat up, neatly pushing the fluffy blanket off my chest to rest on my lap. A little spike of pain on the back there, ow. Chun Lee really sent me to the floor hard, that's a hell of a way to know how much of a martial artist she was.

"Except that you can barely open one." She gestured to her left eye.

Oooooh. Good one. [You got me.] I covered my bad eye, damn this is gonna last. I think I'm gonna have to go without depth perception for a while.

"Here." She extended a misty cloth bag to me. Ice? Okay, I'll take it. "It should help you with the bruise."

"Thank you." I pressed the ice bag to my eye. Aah, there we go, much better. I didn't know Victorians used these post-fist fights before. "Your gate guard sure has a wonderful right arm." Emphasis right here, it's still throbbing despite the ice bag, hehe….ow….

"I am sorry that this happened to you." She bowed earnestly to me. "It brings shame to the name of the Mansion as much as it damages the Mistress's name."

Aw, don't make me feel guilty. "Fret not, this is nothing new." Not really new, but the last time I got socked a supreme amount of times was 3 years ago, and I was bleeding that day. I think I got off easy with just a black eye. "I might have surprised the guard, this can be justified."

"No, sir. Such an act done to an innocent bypasser cannot be overlooked." For someone seriously upset about her workmate's deeds, she still maintained grace in speech and posture. I admit that it's kinda….attractive. "While the gatekeeper is to be punished for this, you, sir, will throw the first stone. Whatever you shall give, I will deliver the personal judgment of the house fivefold after you."

'Fivefold'? What a strict policy. If I punish via torture, Maid would probably deliver a beheading. Yeesh.

"Come, now. No need to go such limits, I can assure you that I bear no grudge—"

"I insist."

…..she sounded really strong there, and it's clear that she will not take a no for an answer. This house must be really sensitive on appearances. The news of a gate guard punching a bystander for no reason other than a surprised impulse must be a big blow to their name. If they welcomed guests and have parties with other aristocrats, then this will make them look bad (or as badder as it'll get with their vampire reputation, famous or infamous).

"….." I nodded, "Okay, I will carry myself out as the punisher." I reached for my neck, which didn't have my tubular bandana wrapped around it. "Where's my bandana?"

"Here." She extended the said bandana, it looked like it's been cleaned up and neatly folded too. "I cleaned it up the sooner you were put to bed. Your apparels are matted with so much dust it's unbelievable."

I cordially took it, "Excuse me for that, I tend to be careless." All that tumble-rolls on the grounds just to kill the momentum sure can give me a dirt bath. Keeping the ice bag pressed to my eye, I wrapped the bandana diagonally around my face, keeping the bag pressed in my injury. I twisted the stretchy material behind me for another loop just to be sure.

I'll walk around as One-eyed Eman for a week for now. Ar, mateys, where's me cutlass?

"Such utility." Maid remarked, looking at the improvised wrap with impressed eyes, "I believe the stretchable material of that cloth can be made for other uses."

She's perceptive. The way she talked about the new addition to my Eman Letitia's epic-fail jokes sure carried a lot of authority. She must be someone of capable power and command in this mansion, just below the master of this place.

"Yes. Be it a hood, a scarf, an arm sling, or even a skirt, it has many uses." Mm, comfy blankets. Really great bed, someone should really try this. "May I know where I am?" I asked, crossing my legs under the covers. I knew where I am but not exactly what the name was, Marisa never told me. "I would like to give thanks for the hospitality given."

"You're in the residence of the Lady Remilia Scarlet. The Scarlet Devil Mansion."

Did I hear that right, 'Remilia Scarlet'? That's the vampire Marisa told me about.

Geez, I'm seriously in the house of the vampire.

"Thank you." I neatly pulled the covers off me before I swung my feet off the bed and into the carpeted floors. Alas, they're also colored red as well just like almost the rest of the room. Such a typical color motif for a mansion owned by a Draculina. "Wait, where's my jacket?"

"Are you planning to leave?" She sounded like she didn't expect that.

Yes, I'm not planning to stay here any longer than I already had, for a lot of reasons besides the fact that I might get my universally-transferable blood sucked out of me.

"Well, I must." I stood up and rearranged the cover back to a proper position of the bed. There we go. Puff the pillow I used, rearrange it back, then done. "I thank you for nursing me but I shouldn't intrude myself anymore to your personal belongings. I will carry out the punishing, then leave."

"Even when its night?"

Wait, what? "It's the evening?"

She made way for the red curtains on the left wall (which was 5 steps away from here. Damn, this is a big ass room) and swiped them on both sides, and lo and behold, it was dark and misty outside. It was so misty that even the moonlight outside barely did enough to give the dark yard a good pale-blue highlight.

"Oh dear." To be honest, I really thought it was morning. I thought that curtain was too thick. Gensokyo disease is really starting to rub off on me, my basic common-sense is starting to rot. At least some basic common sense can roll around at certain places. "I was incapacitated not too long ago, it seems."

"Indeed." She agreed with a nod and turned to me with a calculating eye. "Judging from your clothing, you are from the outside world. And as far as I know, outsiders are easily killed in Gensokyo than the humans in the village. Walking alone at night is dangerous, especially with the Youkai being aggressive at this hour."

…..Okay. I'll take note of that. That just made me feel afraid for my life, for once.

Holy crap, I'm having déjà vu right now.

Wait, Keine kinda said the same thing, and she had awesome white hair too.

Are white haired women constantly gonna remind me that I'm seriously food while I'm in Gensokyo unless I take that in face value?

"Then what must I do?"

"You shall stay the night."

…..That was fast. Not a lot could offer like that to a stranger, but hey, who am I to say? This place is a fricking mansion owned by a fricking vampire managed by a fricking maid, the offer is officially a way to bait me to a trap.

It's not like I have a choice now, do I? Getting blood-sucked sounds way milder compared to being eaten outside by some random Youkai.

"It seems I cannot convince you otherwise, can I?" She shook her head. "Then, I will take the offer." I bowed, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, you should thank Lady Remilia. As she welcomes you, I shall offer you the best of the Mansion's hospitality. We barely have any guests or visitors lately." She snapped a frown for a split second that I nearly thought I imagined it. "Except for one, who keeps barging in as if she lives here."

"…I'm not going to ask." Sounds like this Mansion isn't safe from Gensokyo's crazies.

No, wait. What am I saying? Nothing is, especially me.

My trusty shoes are placed just besides my bed, they looked polished and cleaned. Geez, these people are seriously making me feel guilty with their generosity.

"If you'd like, would you join us for dinner? You seem to have not eaten anything other than something the size of an apple."

….….….

Fucking hell, just how sharp is this Maid?

"It horrifies me that you somehow managed to discern that." I comment, tying the shoelaces with the best knot, good enough to make sure they don't loosen by accident whenever in a free-run. Went through one once, my arm looked like hell afterwards.

She managed a smile (or was it a smirk? Doesn't look so professional if it looks so prideful like that.), "I am the Head Maid after all. I must be capable for anything in order to please my Mistress."

You know, you are starting to sound like Marisa. And that kinda annoys me a little.

Though, if I see that damn witch again, she's gonna get it for leaving me behind! I hope Master isn't worrying like crazy for a day absence.

"Well, lead the way. I would like to sample the culinary skills of the so-called Scarlet Devil Mansion's kitchen."

This time, she didn't hold back in smirking but her sense of refinement didn't leave. Seriously, if she didn't wear that outfit, I would've thought she was flirting with me. Refined women are hot, especially with white hair! "You'd be surprised."

"Granted." I adjusted my eye patch before bowing, "Sorry for being late to introduce myself, but my name is Letitia Eman."

She gasped, placing a hand to her chest, "Oh dear, I forgot to introduce myself." She bowed with an elegant curtsy, "Do pardon me, my name is Izayoi Sakuya, handmaid to Lady Remilia Scarlet."

"A handmaid to Lady Remilia Scarlet with a discerning ability as sharp as the knives she hid beneath her thighs."

She looked surprised, "You saw them?"

I nodded. Yeah, I noticed them. Barely noticeable despite the knee-length skirt but I saw it. I saw just the slightest flash of steel underneath the blue fabric created by the lights of the lit candles on certain areas of this room. It could've been anything else, but taken where we are, it wouldn't be a stretch even if it was a wild-guess.

"Considering the way Gensokyo is, you must be prepared for a fight, to ensure the well-being of the Mistress is well looked out for," I raised an eyebrow, "Am I not mistaken?"

There it is, the solemnity of a soldier. She nodded. I knew it, she isn't just some maid kissing her boss's ass, she's someone who can put up a front and mean it. She's a capable fighter, I could feel it just with her standing formally, her presence was as big as a lion. That alone tells me that.

"Well, how about we ignore our weapons and be on our way?" I kinda hate tense silences like this to linger, almost uncomfortable and dramatic in the wrong places. I want to eat without feeling stiffer than I am now, it may be possible that this Remilia person could be joining us. Makes me nervous, but also excited.

But still nervous. Chances of getting blood-sucked are unknown.

"Do you have a weapon?" Sakuya the Maid asked, she's still being graceful but I could see the shadow of wariness in her eyes, "You seemed to have mentioned 'our weapons' even though you have not drawn your own."

"Neither did you." I countered, reaching for the small sheath hidden inside the left sleeve of my pants (being flexible can't let you hide it in the waist anyway). When I felt the grip, I undone the lock and pulled out my weapon, showing it to her in clear view. "Like you, I hid a knife in my person, just to protect myself, not that I have reason to draw this in the first place."

It's a rather standard survival knife, to say the least. Among all the things I have, this piece wasn't stolen, it was rightfully mine. I remember what it was called, I think it was a 'Fixed blade combat, hunting, survival knife'. Long name, yes, but it had its uses for me. Like opening cans and cutting meat. The design is super standard, nothing to think much about. The main feature it has is that it's colored black, especially the blade.

"Well, enough about steel. Shall we head on to the diner already? I pretty much prefer to hold a fork and a butter knife than this." I prompted, sheathing it back inside my pants carefully. I got my moments when I accidentally cut myself while doing this, but luckily there are no scars. But even if there were, they're all gone, Lord Jehovah cleaned me up.

"Right, follow me, Mr. Retisha." She turned for the door.

Ugh. I should probably not tell people my last name ever again. This is starting to get annoying with their limited syllables.

*Kachak*

Hmm?

…..

…..

A red goblin is standing at the door.

…..

…

What.

The.

Fuck!

"Oh, Jergo, what's the matter?" Sakuya asked.

"Milady calls." The thing replied gruffly.

"Right." She reached inside her apron pocket and pulled out a silver chained pocket watch. "Excuse me."

*Wshk*

…..

…

She just vanished. Just gone as if she wasn't even there the whole time.

….

…..

Damn, that was a lot to process.

"…"

And the goblin is still standing there, looking at me sardonically.

…

…

Dude. Am I really seeing this right now? Even though it's a small being and probably harmless, it still looks cool! Look at it: red skinned, small horns, a rugged face, a slightly pointy nose, dark circles on the eyes, yellow slit eyes, short below my waist, and it had fangs. It's only clothing was a sort of cape on its neck and some kind of cloth covering his lower half. His upper body is exposed, red skin exposed to all glory.

This is the first monster of Gensokyo I've seen to ever look horrid, grotesque, or just plain awesome-looking. The Youkai I've met the first time are Yukari and Suika. And they don't have scales or hardened skin or anything, they look HUMAN. It isn't actually a bad thing but still…

"Forgive me for asking but are you a goblin?" I asked.

He scowled and crossed his arms, "Hobgoblin."

"Oh, right. Hobgoblin."

He scowled even more. "Don't call me that."

"Hehe. My apologies." Apparently, calling them a goblin would be racist it seemed. Gotta watch my manners there. "Since the Head Maid has left to tend for the Mistress, will you take me to the diner in her stead?"

He grunted and pushed the door wide open, "Follow."

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

Damn, this hallway is quite long. I mean Really long. Long enough that a fat man on his exercise day would just die looking at the distance of this pathway alone just to get to heaven, aka dining room. Wait a minute, am I the fat man? I don't think so, I'm physically active—no wait, that's not the point; I think the distance is actually outmatching the actual size of the mansion if I remember it right.

Is this a case about 'small outside, big inside'? Because if so, then I guess it's another one of the crazies. It's barely a surprise. Seeing a living hobgoblin is enough to make the boundary between expectation and reality look like a pile of shit. Mythology is pretty much a thing in this place.

Speaking of mythology, there's another one for me to see today:

Fairies.

I could've figured them as the size of my head but apparently all of the ones I'm seeing here are the size of young children. They had wings too, insectoid variants or other, and they're all wearing maid uniforms. Quite the choice of workforce for them. I guess there had to be more maids for a place this big to clean up. One woman can't do it alone. There were also other hobgoblins as well, wiping the furniture or sweeping the floors. Unlike Jergo, they wore a loincloth instead of the ones he wore that looked like a kilt, and their capes are colored black unlike his blue, I guess that means he must be of high regard among the other goblins, like some kind of leader. They looked coordinated as well, 3 of 'em did a 'Goblin Sandwich' formation to mop the floors with a mop that was too tall for them to use. Diligent beings, they are.

I can't say the same about the fairies.

"Look, Jergo's holding hands with a human!"

"He's already dating, haha!"

"He's so desperate that he took a male human as a mate! HAhAha!"

They're nothing but trouble. Not a single one of 'em were doing a single piece of housework.

Jergo gave the standard reply of growling menacingly, far too loudly for a being of his size, which sent them giggling and flying away. To be honest, it sounded way more animalistic than what his kind could ever suggest, I expected a raspy snarl or something but damn! It's deep.

"Are the fairies….this inept?"

I'll take that grunt as a yes.

At least these goblins do their job right, they even pause mid-work to bow to me in greetings before proceeding. These fairies are doing none of it, not a single one working. It's like they're only doing it when they feel like it. Jeez. Draculina, you should consider firing them, or rather, make some mojito out of 'em. I'll tell you the recipe if you allow me.

Welp, creepy looks beats childish looks, I suppose. I don't mind, looking creepy is a way to go. These fairies that literally look like kids ain't part of cool.

...

This hallway sure is dark. Maybe a little dark, not so dim that I can't see well, its just that there isn't much light around than I'm used to. Instead of fluorescent lights, they use candle lights that are placed on stands or on scones planted against the wall, and also a few chandeliers on the ceilings, somehow unlit, which wasn't doing me any justice to even see clearly amidst the darkness. The ceiling is kinda black with the shadows, too dark for me to see, makes me suspect that there were bats hanging upside down from there (I don't hear any squeaks though so that ain't possible) Plus the number of windows present are almost 2 to none. The only window on the hallway I last went through only had a one in the middle, and that just makes this place even darker than it normally should.

The house of the Devil sure has a dark tone of architecture.

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

"Diner." Jergo indicated with a grunt, jumping up to grab the knob that was too high to reach before twisting it and pushing the door open.

*Sniff* Mmm~~~, m~e~e~e~a~a~a~t~

Jergo jumped down, went back to stand beside the door and bowed, gesturing to the dinner table with a spread hand.

Now that's character for a 'Butler'.

"Thank you." And in I go.

*Chak*

Was it too much to expect a load of dishes ready since I'm in a fancy mansion?

There is only cooked veal chop, glistening in sauces, surrounded by juicy fruits as it lay dead and ready for the munching on the large plate. Geez, I didn't even realize I was this hungry. If I was considering cannibalism, I'd eat that deer while it's still alive.

"Mr. Retisha." Boo! Sakuya suddenly arrives to the scene again just as I didn't notice her here the first time I came in. Seriously, first it was a goblin, now we're having ninja maids this time? This is starting to look ridiculous, I can't take all of these surprise attacks in one day! "You arrived just in time. Come take a seat and await for Lady Remilia to come join us."

"Hmm." I walked over to the far end of the table and took a seat. From this large table that could accommodate…..16 people in total, the rather throne-like chair at the opposite end of the table is obviously the Draculina's spot. Oh, dear.

I don't know if I should be frightened or excited. I'm about to eat dinner with one of the most notorious species of the supernatural. Vampires, night assassins that hunt humans for their blood, completely silent killers, and are abnormally strong no matter how they looked. Not to mention wise, and can see the emotions of a meager human merely by a glance and use it against them.

And geez, almost the entire room is tinged in red. Even the table is draped with a red sheet. At least, this time the carpet on the floor is only placed in the middle, where the table is. The granite tiles are put in plain view. If I see too much red, I'll get a new tinge of coloring to my eyes (though it'd be cool if I had). If someone is to commit murder in this place, they won't be needin' any cleaning. They'll just remove the body and that's it, no one's gonna know what happened. Wait, what about the bloodsucking part? She could drain the unfortunate's blood, a mop wouldn't be necessary at all. Then again, this place is called 'Scarlet Devil Mansion', too many omens. A LOT of omens.

I am so boned. Yet, I feel so giddy. Probably because of the fact that I am seeing a vampire to the flesh is what's setting me off, but I'm getting mixed reactions. I seriously don't know if I should be nervous or be filled with anticipation. How would I know if the resident vampire was a civil person? Well, the maid was a rather appealing character, made me feel calm with the way she talked. But what if that was an act, trying to make me let my guard down and let myself be swayed by their hospitality until they decide to strike?

…..

…...Eh.

I'll take what's coming to me, and probably deal with it if it's disconcerting. Gotta live the Gensokyo experience after all. Not like I could help it with the bad outcome, I pretty much agreed to this on my own consent.

"If I may ask, how many are the residents of this grand abode?" I asked, adjusting my eye patch. The ice bag is still supremely cool, and its temperature didn't drop at all.

"Excluding the servants and myself, there are five residents."

5, huh? Hmm, there's only one plate present and that's at Draculina's spot. I guess the Master—er, Mistress shall have the honors of gracing me with her presence. Looks like it'd me and her in this table, "If you do not mind answering, who are they? No need for a deep detail, just state their names and what they are."

"I see no harm. As I have told before, Lady Remilia Scarlet is the Mistress of the mansion. Her little sister is called Lady Flandre Scarlet, but due to reasons, she must not come close to anyone unfamiliar, especially you."

A sister to a vampire? Looks like there's two of 'em here, and what she said gives away a few warnings. Is this little sister of hers somebody excitable, easy to fall under her thirst?

"The next shall be Lady Patchouli Knowledge. You may regard her as a librarian, she doesn't leave the mansion's personal library and prefers to read more than to socialize. And she has an assistant, Koakuma. Nothing much to say besides the fact that she will fetch books for Lady Patchouli when she needs one."

A library in a mansion? Why am I not surprised? And her last name is quite…western. Quite fitting really, a bookworm with that name sure goes to it. Though, that Ko-Akuma name though. If my Yen is good, it's nagging me to think that it means 'little devil'. I hope it's not a bad thing.

Oh wait, I'm in the 'Scarlet Devil Mansion', why should I even?

"And lastly," She closed her eyes, a look of disappointment crossing her youthful features, "Hong Meiling. The one who struck you at the eye."

My injury throbbed. I hovered a hand over it, tenderly caressing the wet, cooling bandana.

And that name, 'Hong Meiling'.

"Her name is Hong Meiling, yes?" Please give me the answer, Maid, before I fucking blow.

"Of course."

"And she is Chinese?" Answer me this, Maid, before I fucking blow.

Her left eyebrow lightly raised, questioning me for even asking the obvious, "Of course?"

MARISA, YOU CONNIVING RACIST CUNT! YOU DID THIS TO ME, YOU FUCKTARDED WITCH! BECAUSE OF YOU, I GOT PUNCHED BY THAT GATEGUARD IN THE FUCKING FACE (IT FUCKING HURTS!) AND NOW YOU GOT HER INTO DEEP TROUBLE!‼!

I SWEAR I'M GOING TO BURY YOU ALIVE WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN!

"Sir? Is something wrong?"

Whatever you are talking about, Maid? I'm smiling pleasantly right here, I'm not glaring into space or plotting preemptive murder or anything, "Nothing~"

*Kachak*

Hmm?

*Wshk*

Okay, Sakuya just appeared-disappeared to the location of the door that was right behind the throne chair.

"Dinner is served, Milady."

"Thank you, Sakuya."

Holy shit, the Draculina is here!

Okay, okay, calm down. Sit up straight. Feet flat on the floor. Hands clasped above your knees. Suck that gut in. And look straightforward. Sit like a gentleman and appear regal.

Do not miss a single detail on what this vampire looks like.

I can already see the vampire wings behind the chair. Just wait until the maid pulls the chair back, then she'll take a seat. What does she look like?

She's going around it.

Ah….

Ah…!.

Ah!

….….?

Uh?

"Greetings, guest. My name is Remilia Scarlet, Mistress to the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and welcome to my home."

….

*Plate being slid forward*

*FACETABLE‼‼*

"….Oh my."

"….Oh dear."

SHE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING KID!

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS EXPECTING A RATHER BEAUTIFUL LOOKING VAMPIRESS WEARING A VICTORIAN GOWN COMING IN, A FRICKIN(!) TEN YEAR OLD COMES IN AND BREAKs ALL MY HOPES DOWN! I THOUGHT THOSE VAMPIRE WINGS WERE PLACED AT THE BACK OF THE WAIST, BUT NOOO!‼ THIS REMILIA SCARLET WAS A PINTSIZED VAMPIRE WITH VAMPIRE WINGS ON HER BACK! WHY, GENSOKYO!? WHY ARE YOU RUINING THE IMAGES OF THESE POWERFUL BEINGS!?

"Are you alright, Mr. Retisha?" Sakuya asked, concerned.

"….Nvt rvvlly." I grumbled on the sheet of the table. I think I pressed my ice bag inwards to my eye. Fucking ow.

"Sakuya, I think our guest bruised his forehead, grab another ice bag."

"Yes, Milady."

"No!" I'm shouting on the sheets but I got my hand raised here so don't you fucking teleport outta here, Maid! "Nothing is wrong!"

"Then why did you slam your forehead to the table?" The Draculina asked.

[Because my expectations are ruined, that's what!] I spatted as I raise my head up, rubbing the forehead. Considering where we are, I doubt she'd get it.

"What expectations are they?"

…..

*FACETABLE‼*

OF COURSE SHE'D UNDERSTAND ENGLISH! HER NAME'S FUCKING ROMANIAN-ENGLISH, FOR FUCKS SAKE! WHERE DO YOU THINK DRACULA ORGINATED!? HONG KONG!? THIS MANSION'S COMPLETELY OUT OF PLACE IN GENSOKYO-JAPAN, GET THE DAMN CLUE ALREADY!‼

"Um, Mr. Retisha? Are you fond of slamming your head on tables?"

"I think he finds my dinner table remarkably appealing than the veal before him."

Shut up, Draculina! I could feel you smirking over there! You wouldn't even look cool if you didn't have those wings!

[Listen,] I began, quickly raising my face from the table. I think my face is literally marked on the sheet, it's so accurate it even had my eye patch on. Should I consider this 'contemporary art'? [Sorry to be rude but can we just ignore what I just did and eat some veal before I do it again while involving a plate in the crossfire?]

Sakuya looked like she understood what I said and looked concerned, the 10 year old vampire was snickering at my internal ranting, showing all of those fangs. Yep, that's a sight to see. At least the typical trait made me feel better.

"I don't see why not."

Thank you.

I reached for my eye patch. The ice bag got winched off from the impact. Fucking ow. I readjusted it and tightened it with a third loop. Good thing it still stretches that much.

Sakuya reached for the plate that I pushed forward earlier to save it from the wrath of my forehead and placed it back before me. "Here, enjoy."

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying that I should eat the plate—"

A sizable slice of veal was already placed atop my plate.

…..

Huh.

….

Okay.

"Thank you." Taking the knife on the left side, taking the fork on my right, I helped myself with a piece of deliciously cooked deer. Yep, it's good, no surprise for a mansion like this.

"You don't seem surprised." Draculina's voice brought me to look up and meet her red….bloody red, slitted eyes. They looked even cooler than Keine's. "My servant's ability usually surprises people, much so for an outsider like you."

I swallowed the unchewed delicacy. Jeez, she's making me tense just by sitting regally like a real Lady of Aristocracy. "I'll speak in English, is that plausible?"

[Not a problem.] She answered, popping a piece of veal to her mouth and swallowing almost instantaneously. [It has been a while since I have spoken the common tongue.]

Well, hello. Looks like I will like you easier if we keep talking like this.

[My reply: not for the second time.] I motioned to Sakuya with my knife, [She pretty much just ruined the sense of reality the first time she vanished from the bedroom.]

Sakuya pretty much turned her head my way, "May I ask as to what that means, Sir?"

[If you know outsiders, then you understand that goblins, fairies, or even bampiras like her are something from a novel or a horror story in my world. In other words, not meant to exist.] I sliced a piece of veal, intending to chew this time.

[Bam-pee-rahs?]

"How does that break reality, if I may ask?"

I inwardly sighed, [My reality, actually. I'm only 4 days in Gensokyo and I haven't even seen all of its craziness yet. Now that I live here, my point of view of thing's gotta change.] I popped the veal to my mouth, chewing a few times before swallowing it. [I've yet to face actual danger and to actually fight for my life.] I hope what I said wasn't a jinx. I'm talking to a frickin' vampire, for pete's sake.

Draculina brought a red-nailed hand to her face, hiding the conspicuous fanged smirk behind it, [Interesting.]

Yup, I jinxed it.

Damn it.

[You've been here for how many days again?]

[Just 4, you could say that I know nothing about this place…besides a few basic things.] I know about there being monsters, Youkai, physical gods, didn't have Christianity for a while till now, and it's literally my dream world. [One thing I'm keeping in mind right now is that I can't trust all Youkai.]

Her smirk suddenly became wide, even more sharp teeth was showing. Gulp, [Are you saying you do not trust me?]

Um…. [I'm not sure, really. Do Bampiras fall under the same category of Youkai? Or are they varied from Eastern demons and Western demons.]

[Just a moment, boy.] Yeah? [Why do you say it like that? Bam-pee-rahs, you seem to use.]

Knew you'd ask, [I surely ain't no Western human, Lady Scarlet. I'm born Eastern in the Philippines, raised in the west in America, couldn't let go on a few things when I was a kid.]

Looks like she loved the way I addressed her, [Lady Scarlet….huh?] Didn't even care about my nationality. Yeah, suck it all up, Draculina. Nice to see that you're as prideful as they seem to say back home. You really like to hear your last name being said like that. [It's such a while since anyone has referred me in such a way….]

Holy shit, she's really sucking it in.

I chuckled half-heartedly, taking another bite on the deer. It kinda feels like I'm listening to one of the most cock-headed school council presidents in my high school. Fucking hated the guy.

I turned to the Maid standing beside the Mistress, [Why don't you eat too, Sakuya?]

"Ah no." She shook her head, "Us servants eat in our own time. When it is not, we must be prepared for any order coming from our mistresses." Plural. She sure had a lot of ladies to serve in this place.

[I see.] I'll bite some more meat, not gonna judge anything. It's probably like this back in the old days, and Yukari kinda implied that Gensokyo did not mature past year 1885, I think I could see some sense here.

[I assume that Gensokyo might've been a little too rough on you since you arrived, boy?] Remilia asked.

Swallow the meat first, [Why do you ask, Lady Scarlet?]

Oh geez, suck it up later, Draculina. Just answer the fricking question! [You reek of the grass and the dirt, and quite an excessive amount of sweat. I'm starting to think that you might have been chased by a Youkai before you happened to wander across my wonderful abode.]

Whoa, what a nose. Should'a seen that one coming, [Actually, no. but you totally nailed the part about being chased. Good nose.] You get a thumbs up from me.

[Of course, I'd know.] Oh dear, here comes the bragging vampire, [The Lady of the Night can carry many surprises, many of which are mainly for the death of her prey.] Her stare wandered up straight to my eyes, extreme red orbs with slits almost glowing predatorily, the fangs on her smirk wasn't helping.

For some reason, the left corner of my mouth rose to a small smirk, the mere thought of a murderous being just a couple of feet away somehow….thrilled me. I wonder what's happening to me.

Anyway, [Right. I wasn't really chased by Youkai or anything, more like I was chased all over the village by a flying white-haired teacher named Keine.] There's absolutely no way I could remember her last name. Get me an A1 paper and it'll just fill the entire fucking thing with it. Loved her hair though.

[Ah yes, her. Keine. It has certainly been a while since I have heard of that woman.] She leaned forward on the table, resting both elbows and supporting her chin, [What is it you have done that would provoke the village's guardian at your heels?]

I lowered my head down, my mouth cracking to a rather….I guess I'll call this my version of a vampire sneer, showing fangs and teeth. Since I got no fangs and sharp teeth, I'm calling it the evil sneer.

With my evil sneer going full commando, my bangs hanging down to cover my eyes, my left hand crumpling to a tight fist, I tried my best to sound as I usually did, [Let's just say that a Monochrome about a broom led to that situation, which led me to here.]

[Pardon?]

Sorry, cryptic speech is so exquisite when I'm so pissed. Here's how the Yen folk describe her, "Ordinary Magician." Now the Dollar folk, [Marisa Kirisame.] Now for my folk, {Absolute Cunt.}

No fucking way am I gonna translate what the fuck I just said on the last one.

[Ah…] She leaned back on her chair, looking in the distance with irritation and amusement mixing together in her face, [I should have known, 'Monochrome' indeed. But I didn't actually expect her to be the factor of your predicament.]

Glad to see that you knew her, and the fact that you sounded half annoyed helps.

[Apparently, she is. Left me to myself when I was simply taking my time in Kourindou and didn't come back to escort me back to the Hakurei Shrine.]

She turned her eyes back to me, slight surprise found in her eyes, [You lived with Reimu, boy?]

[Temporarily,] Sadly. [The original plan of this day was to find a proper home somewhere around the village but look where that got me.] I'll gesture to your crib with my arms to make my point, oh and please be reminded of what happened to my fucking eye, [I wandered off all over the frickin' place on my own and wandered all the way up here. All because that numbskull, Marisa, just straight up left with a damn blowtorch!] Oops, [Ahem, excuse me for that.] I was ranting in the presence of royalty rather rashly, mind your manners, Eman.

I see you find my predicament funny, Draculina. Thank goodness, at least you're not calling me out for yelling in your dignified presence, [Worry not, my boy. Under my roof, you shall be given a bed for your weary head, and food for the evening to satisfy your famished being. Once the morning comes, you shall be on your way, and I'll have Sakuya personally escort you back to the Hakurei Shrine.]

….….….

That's, like, the NICEST thing you ever said to me. You're a fucking VAMPIRE, and the fact that you're going that far for me is so…..touching. You vampires are supposed to be menacing and monstrous! Now you all are just making me cry in happy tears!

Not really but I'm seriously starting to like this Draculina. [Aw, I don't know what to say.] I smoothed my hair in the kind notion, [Thank you, Lady Scarlet.]

[Buuuut.]

….Oh dear, the happy tears are gone.

She was giving me the predator smile again, [I demand compensation come morning.]

Compensation. If a vampire asks for compensation, you do not refuse if you want to guarantee being able to walk away alive from their fortress. Almost unconsciously, I reached up and covered the jugular part of my neck. Draculina smirked at my gesture, loving the way I was reacting and how I noticed what she wanted.

Thankfully, I'm not that new to people taking pieces of me for themselves, especially blood. I'm not worried if she's gonna leech me. Politely smiling, I said to her, [I'll pay what is just.] This veal's getting cold, I'm gonna continue eating it and not look at you leering at me.

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

[Of course I'm invited. Our darling Priestess's shrine must be graced by my presence, it'd be atrocious for such a party to be celebrated without me.]

Really loved the way you keep making yourself look so important with your words, it just spreads leaks everything that's 'vampire'ish about you. I really love it.

[I take it you and your people are gonna bring in some foods of your own as well. I doubt Reimu's personal food storage could satisfy everybody in the party.] Entering that shed of hers to get a rice sack, I saw that there wasn't much. It felt like I was looking at my own hidden stashes that hid my personal belongings and food in the real world.

[Of course.] She answered as if it's the obvious thing in the world, [Poor thing lived in poverty it would be impolite if I were to simply enjoy myself there and not provide some delicacies of my own. Wouldn't you agree, Sakuya?]

"Yes, Mistress." Whoa, instant reply. She didn't space out at all while she's being silent, she's really ready for anything her mistress gives her, "I admit that it impresses me how she managed to provide for herself for so long despite how scarce the amount of offerings she receives usually."

I see you guys knew about Reimu's situation, that's nice of a gesture to bring some food for the party yourselves.

[I bet that when the party's over, it'll be a lot of work for me.] Back then, I'm always the first to be appointed as the cleaner of the fucking party, and I barely get a say all the time. But this time, I'm doing this willingly. Payment is payment, all I could do for Master who sheltered me since day one. [Since there's going to be beer and stuff, I'm bet that I'll be hauling up some hangovered corpses as well.]

That brought out a laugh from the Draculina, earns me a success point. Entertaining the Draculina kinda felt like a challenge at first but now I feel like I'm totally enjoying myself just talking to this vampire.

[By the way, boy.] Yeah? [Once you settled in a proper home, what will you do next?]

….….….

….….….….….….

Good question, what's the next thing am I gonna do when I get settled? Learn about Gensokyo? That's something I could do any day. Explore? I got that covered, and I think it might take long. Get a job? Maybe, but what's next after I get one? What else am I gonna do while I'm here? Settle like a villager? Live a simple life in the village, living like a proper person?

That's.….boring. as much as I wanted to change my ways, being a…simple man is not something I like.

[To be honest, I didn't really think about that.] There was so much going on that I really didn't give much thought about my future, [When I got here, I only thought about Youkai and magic and not really about my personal living. Damn.] I scratched my head, [I think I'll just find my purpose along the way. Wouldn't be too hard, no?]

She nodded in genuine agreement, [Of course. Let me tell you a little something I've learned about Gensokyo, boy.] Oooh, a personal view from a vampire. Tell me, tell me! [Everyday is not like yesterday. There are endless instances happening in so many places, one could be happening right now and we are not fortunate enough to witness it. Some could be irrelevant, some could be life changing, some could be inconceivable that your view of life would alter.

[My point is that finding a purpose in Gensokyo is as easy as finding the perfect apple from the pile. There can be many colors, there can be different textures, there can be from different trees, you wouldn't know which of them is perfect or rotten unless you took a bite, and it would be rude to the vendor to request a taste-test on each of them. It is simple enough to just take one and settle with it. But if you are perceptive enough, you might be able to identify which of them has the sweetest, the most exquisite taste based on its texture, color, and appearance alone without even touching it.

[If you wish to find the purpose that best fits you while living in Gensokyo, you need to be wiser than you are.]

Sakuya closed her eyes, smiling as if she was pleased and proud, "Well said, Milady."

Draculina returned a sweet smile, [Thank you, Sakuya.]

Woooow. That was amazing! The way she said that, she said it like a real wise vampire. She talked like she once knew the way I feel, had suffered it more than once, and knew exactly how to deal with it.

She's right. Gensokyo wasn't like the Real World, where you go along with society and be pitted in with the same boring people just like everybody else. There are a lot of purposes for me to have in Gensokyo, ones that couldn't possibly be found in the Real World but are possibly found right here, right where I am. I just need to be sharp, sharp enough to notice it.

[Thank you, Lady Scarlet. That really helped.] Looks like you and I are going to be having an easy relationship, despite our differences as vampire and blood bag.

[If you want, I could offer you a place in this Wonderful Mansion of mine as my butler.]

…..tempting.

[May I know the advantages?] If I were to consider working here, as a vampire's butler, I really wanna know what's gonna happen to me. Being a blood bag is obvious but there's got to be more.

[There are many, my boy. A roof for your head, a meal prepared on your table everyday, a warm bed every night, a purpose. I could give you everything you so desperately needed and wanted. There are many other things you could benefit under my employ, even protection.] She suddenly smirked in a way that just made my back chill up, [You might be able to have pleasant evenings with my Sakuya here.]

I literally slammed the back of my head to the backrest of my chair so hard that I made myself rock backwards out of what the fuck she just said. She's…o-offering her handmaiden to me, for ple-pleasant evenings? I get that a vampire's morality is somewhere around the grey and black but to think that she would even say that is…..that's just too far!

[You're kidding…!] I barely controlled a leveled tone on my voice.

[I'm not, my boy.] She smoothly denied. I turned to Sakuya, she was clearly flustered about it, looking down and playing with her skirt. Her milky face is starting to redden too. Dammit, Draculina, why!? Why'd you tempt me with this white-haired hotness? [And I am a woman of my word. As a descendant of the Great Vlad Tepes, I swear on these terms.]

And she tells me she's a fucking descendant of the Son of the Dragon, fucking Dracula! Geez! Why'd that fact have to be so cliché to my ears, even though I half-expected it (I said 'half' here!)!?

[I-I..I'll think about it.] I'm just gonna cover my face with my hands here, yeah, like this. Oh my fuck, that was a lot to take in.

[I understand. I would not hold it against you if you refuse, but if you found only naught in your excursions for a purpose in Gensokyo, my home is always open for your 'yes'.]

[Yeah, yeah, thank you.] Still not gonna take my hands off my face here.

Is this how a vampire messes with a human mind up? Because she literally messed the fuck out of my head. Being a butler to her gets me some white-haired ass!? What the fuck!? The thought of living in this mansion is neat enough, especially with food everyday, but the fact that she had to point that out just ruins it!

I HAVE STANDARDS, DRACULINA! If I wanted a piece of ass, I would take it from a girl that totally likes me! I'm still a fucking virgin, for fuck's sake! Sakuya's hot and all with her white hair and refined attitude but getting demoralized by you, a vampire, who could be depraved of certain human morals, while I work here is not what I want.

I heard a giggle, [Your reactions are so amusing, my boy.]

[Ugh….!] Screw you, Draculina! Tempting me with this fine house, that's LOW! I lowered my hands down, [If I were to be honest, Lady Scarlet, I'd go for something that involves a lot of magic. Stuff that makes you mess around with the arcane and stuff.]

[I can offer you that as well.] What!? [I have a friend in the library who is likely to teach you these dabbles of the unknown. You simply have to accept my offer.]

Yeah, I take that back. [On second thought, never mind. Dabbling on magic is kinda extreme for me. I gotta learn the Gensokyo basics first.]

She mocked a pout, [Why are you so quick to deviate a chance to work for me and live in peace? Am I such a repulsive being to you?]

Oh please, don't do that! [That's not the issue here.] Calmly slice the last piece of veal, pop it to the mouth, and swallow it. [I have my reasons. One of 'em includes me being a wanderlust. I'm sure you ain't gonna like somebody walking out of his responsibilities, eh?] There's one thing about me serving people. I do it on my own, not on the demand of anybody. Same way I did to Master. She didn't order me around, I helped her on my own initiative and she appreciates it.

I'm tempted to think that Draculina here expects a top-notch performance, which is something I can't do. Perfectionism is not in my book, I go for sufficiency and efficiency, same way I do for my Free-Roams. As long as it's good, it's good.

[You gotta get me, Lady Scarlet. I have a habit of moving my body around, like a lot.] I gotta admit that it's down to the point that I would flip the fuck out if I get stuck in a small room for too long. If I don't move my body as I usually do, I'll go fucking nuts. [I told ya already about the part where Marisa brought me all around Gensokyo in a tour, right?]

She nodded, [Yes, it ended in the time she left you alone in that Antique Shop.]

Yeah, ain't never gonna forget that. One thing I'm gonna do to her is slam a size 10 boot to her fucking tush once I see her again. [Well, during all that she kinda taught me about Spell Card Battles 101. Danmaku dodging and stuff.]

Her eyes suddenly lit up in flames, a large amount of genuine interest is showing in them. Even Sakuya was showing some interest in what I just said. [And?] She prompted, her tone suggesting that she really wants to know the answer.

[Well, I rate my performance as 3 in the scale of 1 to 5. All she did is just throw a couple of stars and shoot a single beam of laser at me, I had to dodge the hell out of all of 'em. I think she was clearly holding back on that one since it kinda felt easy.] I could tell. She was definitely holding back. She said before that she doesn't hold back in a fight, but that wasn't a fight at all, that was a practice. What could end up happening if I did face Marisa in an actual Spell Card Fight?

[Are you saying that you, an outsider, who couldn't possibly be familiar with Gensokyo's favorite game, to actually succeed in dodging danmaku against her?] You sounded like you really can't believe that, huh?

If Gensokyo citizens really fight each other a lot with them danmaku, then I guess it's justified that she wouldn't believe my words. Dodging danmaku, dude…..how could anybody else back home ever pull that off?

[Yep.] I nodded. [Just yesterday, I got chased around by an Oni named Suika for an entire minute. A kind of game we got going on to make me her best buddy.] And I'm damn proud that I was. [I got lucky that I lived and didn't get my head busted open by her. She chased me around, I gotta get away from her. I, like, literally ran like hell to survive just a fricking minute, y'know? A fricking minute.] Emphasis here, I was only running for one minute and it felt like I was escaping the fucking 2012 in every fucking 10 seconds.

Draculina's eyebrows furrowed, [Unbelievable. How did you manage both feats? Escaping her AND dodging danmaku from Kirisame Marisa?]

I failed to mention that the two of them clearly held back in their true strength when I played with 'em, didn't I? But whatever, I'll improve in those fields in time just to match up to them when they decide to get serious with me in the coming future.

This time, I let myself smile a proud smile. This is not a healthy thing to do as a Christian but I just can't help it, [Acrobats, Lady Scarlet.] I'm so proud right now, I'm even spreading my hands for no reason. [Agility, endurance, speed, wit, quick-thinking, and ingenuity, along with years' worth of experience. I could pretty much escape a dog chase by using the environment to my advantage. I could even dodge bullets if I just keep flipping my body around in rather confusing ways without stopping. I just simply used all that I know to run away from Suika and dodge Marisa's shots.]

I kinda get the feeling that she's looking for signs of a lie on my face, cuz she's looking at me real hard with her eyes. Well, you'll get no lie from me, Draculina. I literally pulled them all off, and I had a blast doing it all.

After a few seconds, she leaned back on her chair, relaxing her shoulders and resting her cheek on her fist. "Show me." Her eyes were still stone cold.

Hmm? Why are you talking back into the Yen? [Say again?]

"Prove to me what you could do." She narrowed her eyes, "Now."

Um, [Maybe not now, Lady Scarlet? I'd love to but it's bad for the stomach, y'know? Especially if I just ate.]

Draculina turned to her Sakuya, "Sakuya?"

"Yes, Mistress." She bowed.

*Wshk* She disappeared.

What did she— [WHOA!]

*SHK!* Sakuya stabbed a knife to where my forehead should be and it sunk into the wood of the backrest of my chair.

*Pak!* Because of me swinging my body sideways to avoid the knife, I quickly threw my foot up her chin and I nailed her, which made me land to the floor in a backward roll to a stand, toppling the chair on its side.

Since when did I have the knife I used to cut my meat in my hand? Is it my subconscious going haywire again? I swiped the damn thing while I was falling?

"Hrm." Sakuya grunted lightly, rubbing her chin in a rather…ladylike way before she rounded the fallen chair and stepped closer to me, the same knife held in her hand, looking at me coldly.

Just what the fuck is going on? Why the hell is Sakuya pulling out a knife on me? Why did Remilia just sic her on me!? What the fuck!?

Remilia's still there on her chair, just looking at me with that unreadable look on her face.

Sakuya lashed out with a knife—

I moved my head to the right, the thrown knife whizzing past my cheek and nailing the wall. In the motion, I spun and fell to a crouch, executing a sweeping motion on her legs with my foot that was nearest to her. When she pivoted back, making me miss, I fluidly followed up with a second ankle swipe, making the entire movement look like a double floorsweep in one go.

*Pak* Gotcha, didn't make you trip over but whatever.

When I got the blow, I used my free leg to push my lower body from the ground, supporting myself with both my hands and horse-kicked her in the knee and the abdomen. Staggering backwards, her shins hit the fallen chair and fell over it.

You're fucking mine, Maid!

Stacking back to my feet, I charged down on her fallen form with a knuckle sandwich ready to be served to her fucking—

OOF! She kicked me!

That totally caught me off guard that I ended up falling down on my back, and the fact that I'm still full from the food just makes it even worse! She just kicked me in the fucking gut!

I see you coming in on me there, Maid!

Momentum still rolling when I hit the floor, I rolled backwards until my shoulder blades are the only parts that touched the floor, and I stood up a handstand—immediately spinning a helicopter before I pulled a fucking B-boy Flare to keep her away. In the execution, I ended up whacking the incoming knife out of her hand and kicking her side in the process, sending her staggering to the side (doing that never felt so good before).

Standing back up, I charged her with a fist ready to meet her gut—not! That was a feint! I was going for a leg sweep! There! Stay down!

With her down on the ground, I went for a quick punch on her exposed belly, and she rolled out of the way—I punched the fUcKiNg GRANITE! FUCKING OW!

Before I even thought of going for it, my body was heading towards the nearest wall just as Sakuya was whipping out a couple of knives flying towards my direction in the same motion of rolling up to a stand (in grace, too). When I reached the red wallpapered surface, I wall-ran diagonally before I ejected a backflip, spinning a 180 in the air to face behind me upon landing (holy shit, I just dodged a few knives coming on me in the stunt), readying both fists (especially my steak knife hand) to hammer down her fucking head.

She dodged in a back-step.

Big mistake, Maid.

As soon as my feet hit the floor, the falling momentum gave way for a recovery roll on the ground—only to lead into a horse-kick to her fucking gut.

*THUD!* Oh my fuck, I had an eargasm listening to that sound as she got knocked back straight to the fucking wall!

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR DRAWING A FUCKING KNIFE ON ME!

Kicking myself up to stand, I ran towards her kneeling form with a kick to her face. Crossing both her arms to block it, she parried the knee that came second—she's thrusting a knife to my face!

Dodge!

I got alarmed by the fact that she nearly shredded my forehead. I think she just snipped a few strands of my bangs—holy shit, I just dodged an eye-stabbing death!

Panic! Panic! Panic! Hyper! Hypertension! Overdrive! Mind gone into full alarm! I'm getting pumped with adrenaline because of the near brush of getting stabbed! Holy shit! Holy shit! I feel like I could run a thousand kilometers! I feel like I could manage 10 steps in a wall-run! Everything's moving in slow motion for me!

In the motion of me throwing my head back to dodge the stab, I ended up kicking the sides of her legs with a sweeping kick as a reflex action, sending her to the floor with a thud AGAIN! Good thing I didn't lose my way of being a dick in a fight: always making my enemy fall to the floor with sweeps. Should I be called the janitor?

With the momentum of my dodge, I executed a backhand spring for distance. Sakuya manages to stand back up, glaring at me as her movements still remained graceful and refined (It's more like she's dancing than fighting at all! It's both crazy and beautiful!). As she did, she made no other movements, she just stood there in her stance, three knives ready in-between her fingers.

I narrowed my eyes at her, inverting the grip of my knife and crouching low, doing the stance of a standard knife fighter: knees bent, arms up to cover the face from possible attacks, and eyes fully planted on the enemy. Can't see the Draculina anymore in the corner of my eye, tunnel vision gets extreme when I get high with Adrenaline.

She flipped the three knives in her hand, making the projectiles flip 180 degrees in her grip, making her hold the sharp ends instead (how the fuck did she do that with one hand!?), she reared it back—her second hand was the one throwing! The first hand was just a distraction!

SHIT! Three knives incoming!

I quickly side-stepped to the right, dodging the one coming for my face, the one coming for my right chest—I grazed one that would've stabbed my fucking knee, shit! More shock-induced adrenaline! I snapped my attention back to Sakuya before she pitched her second batch of knives, and I spun to the opposite side as quick as I could as the three shinies flew, dodging the projectiles (I heard a rip from the back, she fucking cut my shirt!).

Hey, Maid, got any idea what Unexpected looks like? It kinda looks like this: I look like I was coming to punch your chest as I charged you, I leaned my head back as soon as you whipped out another knife to counter (where the hell are you getting these knives!?) and swiped where I would've received a long diagonal scar on my face, spun to the right in the motion of my dodge, swung my right leg towards your face, and *WHACK!*, you get a bitch slap with the sole of my trusty rubber shoe.

You see that, Draculina? That was called the Compasso (actually it's Meia Lua de Compasso but I like it short), everybody's favorite Capoeira crescent kick that involves spinning once, lowering your upper body to ground as you do, and you swing your leg up to say hello to your enemy's face.

I don't want this happening the third time, Maid, so I'm gonna have your neck by the fucking steak knife right now! Bolting to her fallen form as she hit the ground, I grabbed her right wrist, pinned it beside her head, and I neared the (holy crap it's still slick with sauces) knife to her neck, right where her jugular should be.

I smirked down on her red shoe-smacked face, sighing a relieved sigh of relief (hehe), [Gotcha, Maid.] Now don't you fucking move unless you wanna give the Draculina over there some freshly pumped crimson beverage that was supposed to stay in your veins.

"Hmph." Why the fuck are you smirking, huh? I'm not kidding here, Maid! You think I won't do it!? I'll nick that fucking juicy neck of yours and make it bleed just to prove my poin—

….Oh….I forgot to pin down her other hand with a foot.

My smirk slowly disappeared, and I was starting to glare down on her, my throat about to rumble a growl after two breathes of air. She had a knife poking right where my right kidney should be underneath the wall of flesh and tissue.

Ssssshhhit, we're at an impasse!

*Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap*

If I wasn't pinning down this chick with a fucking knife at her throat, I would've slapped the fuck out of my face for even forgetting. Remilia is still here! I got too into the fight that I totally forgot that she was even around after I thought I totally got her. If I kill this Maid, the Mistress is surely gonna go for me and fuck me up.

"Bravo! Bravo! A splendid performance, boy! Even for a draw, you managed to impress me!" Did she just fucking sit through the entire fucking thing!? Was that what you've been doing, Draculina!? You were having a dinner and a show while I was about to get fucking killed!? "I'm quite surprised that you were clearly on the losing side, Sakuya. What's wrong? Are your skills in close-quarters combat starting to decrepit?"

Sakuya simply chuckled sheepishly, as if there wasn't even a fucking knife edge held against the base of her fucking throat, "Of course not, Milady. I just didn't expect him to be so….elusive in his movements."

I looked up and the Draculina smirked, "So you underestimated him then?"

I looked down and Sakuya closed her eyes in clear shame, "Perhaps I did, and it became my downfall. I didn't truly believe him myself when he mentioned his feats."

Ju-j-just—Just what the fuck is going on right now!? She was trying to kill me just a second ago, and now these two are suddenly having a conversation!?

"Boy, I suggest you remove yourself from my servant." Remilia said, a hint of warning in her tone, "You are being too forceful, which is not gentlemanly."

….What!?

Seriously, what the fuck!? What the fuck is going on!?

I looked up to look at Remilia's face, she had a mock glare pointed at me, or was it made to look like it was mocked? I don't know which one!

I looked down on Sakuya and she was smiling awkwardly, tinges of red found on her white cheeks. "I beseech you to please get off me, Sir. You are being too close for a maiden's comfort."

I squinted my eyebrows even more, trying to see if this insanity is even real. I don't see a single strain on her face at all, it doesn't look like she's mocking her own words or even falsifying her own face, they all looked so….genuine.

I drew the knife away from her throat (she didn't breathe a sigh of relief or even signs of tension loosening in her body, she was literally calm against me), I rose to stand up without letting go of her wrist, slid my grasp down to her fingers and I pulled her up to her feet (she's not even resisting).

When she finally stood (she's tall by my eyes), she rubbed her red wrist slightly before giving me a graceful curtsy, "Thank you for giving the Milady a chance for entertainment, Sir. She hardly finds such amusements these days."

[Y-you're welcome….]

"Very well." She turned around and returned to her Mistress's side.

My mind is still trying to process what the fuck just happened so I'll just go back to my area, lift back the chair upright, and maybe sort it out from there. All that running and adrenaline dose just suddenly wore me down a little. I think I'm gonna be sick, moving so much with all that food in my belly is not healthy. Augh, I think I'm gonna throw up.

I still have the knife in my hand. Same one I used to cut my meat, same one I swiped out of the table in reflex, same one that could've nicked the Maid's neck.

I looked straight forward, Remilia was now drinking tea from a teacup, her Maid holding a silver kettle in her hands, ready to refill her drink at any given moment.

I subtly felt for the backrest of my chair with my hand as I sat…

….the hole that Sakuya left with her knife when she tried to impale my head is still there.

[Grrr…! Hrrrrr…!]

Remilia raised an eyebrow, "Something wrong, my boy?"

'Something wrong'? She ordered her maid to shove a knife into me. She had me put in a danger situation for fun, which agitated the fuck out of me because of the fact that she, a vampire, initiated it, and the next thing she says is 'Something wrong'!?

My fingers slowly curled into tight fists, my neck was already stiffening so much that my head shook, my throat was already starting to rumble, I was starting to fucking FLIP!

Placing my knife back on the table with as much self-control before I explode, I turned to her with a cold look, [With all due respect, Lady Scarlet….] Slam the table with my fist, rise up to a stand, skidding the chair back with the back of my knees, and yell the fuck out of it, [WHAT THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT ABOUT!?]

Things got even more silent, Remilia's stare on me became blank, likewise Sakuya, they're both frozen in their places, looking at me with a stare that's anything but surprise.

[Just—WHAT THE HELL!? WEREN'T YOU JUST TRYING TO KILL ME, REMILIA!? WHAT WAS THE POINT O—THA-THAT…! FUCKING HELL! JUST TELL ME! WHY DID YOU ORDER SAKUYA TO HAVE ME KILLED, HUH!? TELL ME!]

Remilia was still unmoving, but I noticed the light in her red eyes starting to intensify, slowly….slowly glowing a bloody red.

Slowly blinking her eyes, her red pupils were fully glowing a bloody red, so red that every color around her face didn't seem to exist except for those two orbs, she shook her teacup twice and Sakuya promptly poured down tea—the liquid's colored in thick red.

That's not tea.

Resting her cheek to her other hand that rested on her arm rest, she said to me in a rather calm voice, contradicting the unmistakable fire inside those eyes, [You have quite the audacity to raise your voice against me, your host, especially when she is a vampire.] Her voice became low, low enough that she sounded like a complete adult woman.

Sakuya was standing fully straight, still holding the kettle in her hands and her eyes were closed, a stoic expression on her face.

Dread…dread…dread….I'm feeling the most unfamiliar feeling called dread rolling all over my being. I shouldn't have yelled—I shouldn't have yelled.

She whipped her cup straight towards me, throwing all of the blood into the air, creating a morbid red cloud, above the long table, coming towards me—!

The red liquid froze in midair. Not like they got frozen, it was like time had just stopped moving and the blood just got stuck up there.

[Did you know? A vampire does not simply drink her prey's blood, she could also consider eating the flesh.]

The time-stopped blood began to wriggle, convulse, writhe, squirm, almost like a mulched body of a snake that's still alive, before it molded together into a slender half-ring of blood two times the size of my head, its solid-liquid surface glistening in the chandelier lights—I could smell copper in the fucking air. The blood ring slowly floated towards me and I leaned my head back, keeping distance from the thing. I eventually got myself put back into sitting down.

[Blood is indeed delectable, but I find human meat otherwise repugnant to the tongue. Fortunately, I have my Sakuya, and she could cook more than just my most delicious dishes. If I so ordered it, I might be feasting on a man's limb anytime, glistening in sauces and dressed with spices according to my liking.]

The ring was starting to grow spikes, jutting out on all areas and pointed only at me, pointed at my only good eye, pointed at forehead, pointed at everywhere that's my face. Despite being comprised of liquid, they looked convincingly solid enough to even guarantee a lot of fucking stab wounds. Shit! Shit! Shit!

[Be glad, Eman.] She said my name, she's been calling me anything but my name for the last half-hour. Why now!? [I am feeling rather lenient tonight, so I will not have your neck impaled, sent to the meat lockers of the kitchens, butchered and mutilated to several pieces and served to my little sister as her dinner.]

I found no more room to lean away from the spikes, there were slowly coming closer and closer, to my eye, in-between my eyes, at the joints of my jaw. The half-ring was almost crowning my entire face. Immediately, the spikes poked at my skin but not enough to draw blood—the spikes that were meant for both my eyes are merely just a single inch away before I'm rendered blind.

Copper…so thick in my nose.

My breathing coming short, heart pounding, throat locking up almost automatically, I dared not move. I gripped my arm rests as hard as I can without freaking out, [You should be thankful, Eman. For all the food you've eaten, for all the treatment you've received, for the bed you've been given, I offered you this much for your sakes and I've yet to receive a thank you. So answer me, I will not be expecting a repeat of this incident ever again? Hmm?]

She asked you a question, fucking answer it! [No, Ma'am.]

[Be reminded.] Her voice became even colder, [I will not be overlooking anything the second time, do you hear me?]

Calm down, calm down, [Yes, Ma'am.]

Her blood red eyes narrowed, her wings beginning to expand behind her—[That's not what I want to hear.] THE SPIKES ARE DIGGING INTO MY FLESH!

Shit! Think fast! Think of nice words, [I understand, Lady Scarlet. Do excuse me for my rash words, despite my justifications.]

"Good!" Her voice suddenly became jolly, her voice octave returning to its usual childish pitch, as if she had not just threatened me by mincing me to pieces, and the spiky red half-ring morphed back towards her, towards her cup, and she took a sip from it. "Mm~"

I instantly broke down hyperventilating, holding my chest, keeping myself from having a heart attack. Holy fucking shit, I thought I was gonna die! I provoked a vampire and I paid the price, for a girl looking no more than a 4th grader, she just scared the fuck out of me.

I have to keep reminding myself that Remilia Scarlet here is a full-on Vampire, capable of killing me without even thinking if she wanted.

[So!] Is she bipolar or something? How quick is she to even switch from being threatening to being conversational with me? [I assume you are wanting for an explanation for everything, no?]

That has been the case since I fucking exploded at your face, BRAT! [Please.] I nodded. I felt around my face: oh thank God, she didn't nick me, there are no cuts or bleeds or anything.

[The reason is simple: To see the truth in your words.] She interlocked her fingers together below her chin, [You clearly weren't lying when you mentioned your feats against Suika and Marisa, your heartbeat spoke truthfully as you did, but I need to see just how did you even manage it with my own eyes. Frankly…] She gave me a rather sharp smirk, [I'm impressed.]

I scratched my head, my heart is still pumping hard but I still managed to calm down, [But was all that necessary? I literally thought that Sakuya's going to kill me.]

[Those who boast of their strength and yet do not prove it are the ones susceptible to being eradicated to nonexistence, especially in Gensokyo where expertise and finesse defines power.] She told, then she began to smile playfully, [Fortunately for you, you do not have the same mentality as a certain ice fairy that takes residence in the cooler regions of the Misty Lake.]

Ice fairy? There's more than just standard leaf-clothed and insect winged fairies? Are these beings affiliated with the elements or something? [Ice fairy, you say?]

[Yes.] She nodded, [An Ice Fairy named Cirno. She boasts of her power in such an unexplainable degree, spouting that she is the 'Strongest of Gensokyo', yet she is easily defeated by everyone she challenges.]

Pride, I see….serves that fairy right. Saying shit that isn't even legitimate. If I could take a guess, Fairies are at the lowest tier of all mythical beings, possibly the weakest. Heh, funny how this Ice Fairy called Cirno would call herself the strongest.

On another hand, I turned to the Draculina with a sour look, [Can't you just give me a warning beforehand? Y'know, like, warn me before you tell Sakuya to shiv a knife in me?]

She giggled, rather childishly at that, [If I had done that, it wouldn't be so amusing otherwise.]

….….….….I can't fucking believe this. The reality of this situation, I just can't believe it.

[You. Are. Evil, Remilia Scarlet.]

[Ahahahahahahaha!‼] Now she broke down laughing, her wings twitching in delight, covering her cackling mouth without even doing the actual purpose of covering her mouth, it was almost like she wanted to let me hear her evil with her cackle. [Of course, I'm evil. If I were not otherwise, I wouldn't be the Scarlet Devil.]

….….You know….I kinda like that reasoning. Making an evil name of yourself and surprise people when you act in ways they didn't expect. Giving me shelter is too nice of a gesture for somebody called the Scarlet Devil. In her case, she just shown off her evil side by siccing her Knife Maid at me and horrifying the hell out of me by saying stuff that would've given kids and weak minds nightmares. Giving me a death threat just doesn't help.

[Of course.] I agreed with a nod. Taking another knife beside the steak knife, this one could be taken as a bread knife, the serrated edge gives it away, easy to break the crusts of the bread and slice through it, [I wanna know. What's Sakuya's power? Does she teleport?]

Sakuya finally opened her eyes, giving me a rather interested look. Remilia raised an eyebrow, [Teleport?]

[Yeah, like she kinda just appears and disappears anytime. I didn't even see her comin' when you told her to stab me.]

The two looked at each other, sharing devious grins, Sakuya was showing a lot of eagerness, the eagerness to show off what she could do. I could see myself in her place when I want to show off my flips and tricks to somebody, [Care to demonstrate, Sakuya?]

"Gladly, Milady." She bowed.

I just hope they don't pull another fucking murder test of trial again, because I'd pass out in the middle of it.

"Before I do, please scatter the utensils in any way you can, Sir.] She ordered, fishing in her pocket and bringing out a….silver pocket watch? Oh, it's the same pocket watch I saw her pull out before she disappeared in my room.

[Excuse me then.] Okay, let's rumble this table. I began placing the spoons and forks all over the table surface, making sure I make it look like somebody just did roughhousing on top of this thing without scattering the food all over the place. Overturned plates, thrown knives and like, I even ruffled the scarlet table sheets, and then afterwards, I finally desecrated the entire fucking table (I didn't mess up the food though. I lived poor outside, food is scarce, and food is very sacred. I'd be committing a crime just below murder if I did). [Here you go, messy table. Now what?]

[Observe.] Oh, nice English there, Sakuya.

She let the pocket watch dangle down by the chain in her right hand and she begins to swing it side to side, in the rhythm that matches the swinging pendulum of a grandfather clock. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Are you doing some hypnosis shit on me, Maid? Her other hand conjured a single knife into existence and she began spinning it in her hand, blurry circles of silver rolling all over her left fingers.

Whoa ho, look at that. Hypnotism and knife-spinning, now that's talent. To be honest, I can't concentrate on which one I should focus on. The swishy-swishy pocket watch was already pleasing to my eyes, but the spinning knife was looking so cool that I can't look away from it—the pocket watch is drawing my eyes to it like a fucking magnet! AH! I'M GETTING CROSS-EYED!

Geez! Mind screw! I'm starting to lose my focus here! If I hadn't been sitting, I swear I would've fallen over because my sense of balance is getting fucked over with her work! Is this her ability, Mind Fucking!?

*Click* She swung the pocket watch around her hand, wrapping itself around till it landed on her palm.

"Hm." She threw the knife towards me—SHIT, I CAN'T JUMP AWAY IN TIME!

*Wshk!—PING!* She teleported in front of me, and I whacked the knife that she caught…out of her hand with the bread knife I placed close to me on the table just in case.

What the fuck did I just do!?

*Skid! THUD!* Remilia suddenly shot up to her feet, sending her throne chair falling backwards to the floor. "What in the unholy name of Tepes did you do!?"

My question too, Draculina. What the fuck did I even do? Sakuya didn't look shocked at what I did, but she still looked surprised, eyes wide and impressed.

Hold on….

The table was now clean, organized, arranged, and properly returned to its rightful state. No more scattered utensils, no more thrown knives and forks and spoons, not even a ruffle of the sheets in sight, and the table setting of my plate was just like before I scattered them and messed it up, minus the breadknife I swiped from the table to….deflect the knife she caught?

.….….oooh…now I get it.

[Time Manipulation. That's your power, isn't it?] Was that pocket watch actually a hint?

She stared owlishly at first, then she nodded.

I continued just to explain what I knew, [When you threw the knife, you stopped time, rearranged the table, then you stood right in front of me, unfroze the time, then you caught the knife—]

"Only for you to deflect it out of her hand, didn't you?" Yep, that's what I thought, Remilia. Thanks for the supply, cuz I don't know how to describe what the fuck I just did. You got better eyes than a human after all, and Sakuya here could see everything better since she could actually stop/slow time whenever she liked.

"I barely managed to grab on to the knife before you deflected it." Sakuya breathed, looking at the knife I deflected lying up against the wall on the left side. Her voice was almost inaudible but I heard everything, "How did you do that, Sir?"

Don't ask me that, Maid. I thought she caught the knife before I swiped it out, but I actually swiped it out before she could grab it. I can't even believe that I actually pulled that off! Me, I deflected a fucking knife! Holy shit! Did anybody ever pull this off before in the Real World!? I could climb tall buildings on its walls. I could do flips and tricks, I could run away from aggressive animals, but to deflect a knife with another knife? I never thought I could end up doing that.

One down on the bucketlist, I guess?

[I-I don't know.] My voice shook as I answered, the disbelief was too great for me. [I just….I don't know. I don't think I ever done that in my life before. My body just kinda...moved on its own when you threw it, like reflexively. I'm actually surprised that I grabbed a knife before I did it.]

I brought the bread knife I held to my view, viewing the edges. I see a dent in the middle, I bet that's the spot that deflected the damn thing.

Am I becoming a badass or something? Is that what's going on? Because I'm both happy and perturbed at the same time for the thought.

"Hmm." Remilia hummed in great interest, looking at me with a rather scrutinizing stare with her blood red eyes. Damn it, she really makes me feel tense whenever she does that. It was like she was looking past my flesh, past my bones, and into my soul. After a half minute of her staring at me, she began to smirk again, her wings expanding outwards slightly, "I'm beginning to think that your fate in Gensokyo will be showered with so much danmaku conflicts and games, Eman."

She didn't call me 'boy'!

I smirked, walking over to the wall to pick up the knife, [Heh, Marisa kinda said something like that so maybe yeah, I might get involved with so much danmaku fights in the future. I think it's gonna be fun, and dangerous, but that's how I like my fun, extreme and thrilling.] Old and simple fun is okay and good but I just love the most extreme funs. Play fighting, free-roaming on the public roofs, purposely getting chased by dogs, ah~ the endless amounts of ways to get that kind of fun.

With Sakuya's throwing knife in my hand….hmm….the stabbing end is rather slim, double-edged, makes it easy to slip through the gaps of the ribcage and into the vital organs. The handle's made of silver, no hilt guard too, the design kinda makes it look easy to be thrown than to be handheld in a knife fight.

Could this be Sakuya's danmaku then? Hmm….

[I gotta say, Sakuya.] I started, spinning the knife (amateurishly) with my fingers, [You…are as evil as your Mistress. You threw the knife at my face at the risk of killing me in your demonstration.] As she looked at me blankly, I smirked my best evil smirk, making myself look like I was just like the rest of these two, [I think you, Lady Scarlet, and I are gonna get along juuust fine.] You two potentially endanger me just by simply being around, the both of you even triggered me into an adrenaline overdose, and that's what makes the both of you so likable to my eyes. Y'all add up to the suicidal fun of my life.

Here's your knife, Maid. Take it. I see your Mistress loved the way I said it, she really loves to smirk, does she? Showing all those fangs.

Sakuya bowed, "Gracious." She took the knife, holstered it to her thigh-belt and walked over to the fallen chair of her mistress to lift it upright and push it forward as Remilia sat back down.

*Wshk* Now she teleports behind my chair, dragging it backwards so I could easily slink in to sit down, "If you please."

[Of course.] Don't mind if I do. As I motioned to sit down, she pushed the chair forward, the seat edges touching the back of my knee. So this is how it feels like to have a servant, huh? I slapped my stomach, [I'm hungry again, funny.] As I took a knife and fork in both hands, a slice of meat was already in my plate. Time-Hax again, Maid?

Haha, I love this place. [Yum.]

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

Pretty much afterwards, we ate like normal. No more shady vampire shit or sudden knife throws that'll throw me into a mania of a rush. We talked much about this and that, and a few other things while I tried to enjoy my veal, we especially talked about me being a potential danmaku fighter, which is something I anticipate. A lot of laughs were shared, I even handed out some Eman Letitia epic-fail jokes in the fray, almost regretted it when Remilia was suggesting me a challenge. Whatever it was, it didn't feel right to me and I want no part of it. Thankfully she was just joking….was she?

I asked her about how she got into Gensokyo and stuff. She told me that she got into town some years before 2000, and she kinda got into a rampage, dominating and killing lots of rival Youkai as she did (did she really have to tell me about the times she preyed on humans for a fix at the time? At least she didn't kill any of 'em, according to her).

She was also an Incident Mastermind herself, covering the entire land of Gensokyo with a red mist, meant to block out the sun so she could walk around the day. I kinda suggested her into using an umbrella, and she tells me she knows that. She purposely did it for the sake of testing the new Spell Card System that Master created. Naturally, she got beaten and ended up being friends with Reimu afterwards (The way she talked about her, I kinda get the feeling that this vamp's got a lesbian crush on Reimu, kinky). Then after that, sometimes Sakuya and even Remilia herself would join forces with Reimu together to end trouble or stop some Incidents that stirs Gensokyo's peace whenever the time comes. It sounds awesome, having a vampire as an ally. You'd be unstoppable. Which is kinda funny, a Shrine Priestess and a Vampire. Super contradictory.

I stayed out of asking her about her past. If there's one thing I know about asking questions to a vampire, they land you right into the danger zone when you ask about their private lives so I backed out on that. Instead, I asked about what tends to happen around Gensokyo and such, I even had to ask Sakuya about it. The more I talk to them, the more I was getting to know my new home a little more.

Talking to these two, it doesn't feel any different than any conversation with a normal person. Remilia Scarlet, definite vampire, still talked like a human, besides the sophisticated speech and childish voice she had along with her childish body. As far as I could tell, this Vampire is quite civilized, reasonable and easy to talk to, just like another human…so long as I get past her rather prideful air and the quirkiness to mention something morbid, such as referencing a time where she slaughtered an entire village and razed it to the fucking ground.

I feel even giddier to meet more civilized Youkai. Taken from Remilia herself, not a lot of Youkai are civilized enough to talk to humans instead of attacking them and eating them outright, but I just can't help it. I wanna see more monsters and demons and stuff, wanna talk to them and learn about them a little more. Talking to this so-called 'Descendant of Dracula' is kind of a treat, I asked her questions, she asked me back, I share her some of the Real World's belief on vampires, she debunked a few of 'em. And hooo boy, there were a lot of 'em. Holy water and crosses can't hurt her, like, at all. Not even the sun kills her, it just weakens her. She can't walk past flowing water, however (I bet it's the life-giving properties of the water that stops her since she's an undead).

And Remilia Scarlet the vampire, she's a very unique kind of Draculina. She had the appearance of a child but her age is beyond that. She's rather aristocratic in looks, and speech. Plus, she's a really polite lady. At least that compensates the inadequate appearance she has, I kinda like it.

Her pale skin is pretty much a match to typical vampires. My bet on its texture: smooth, soft, cold and dead. If I make a comparison from Pale Vampiric flesh to God-given flesh, she is much whiter than me. Ghostly whiter than me. Doesn't make it unappealing, though. It adds the charm, actually. Makes the Vampire image even perfect.

Her hair. Huh. It's pale blue, not what I'd expect from a Draculina. Expectations had me expectin' black hair. But this one's a good looking one, makes me think that the passing decades had turned her pigments white (pale). It signifies a wise woman, that's for sure.

And her wings. Damn, just look at 'em. They're actually there, they twitch once in a while and they kinda respond to her delight, especially when she and I talk. If she was impressed, they'd spread out. If she was disappointed, they'd droop. If she was somehow annoyed, they'd twitch. Just….wow, they're really part of her. And they look really relevant to the membranes of an actual bat wing. If it was spread out even further than her delighted emote, it could almost span out twice her height. The joints had a small spike on them, good for quick stabs when grappling an enemy. Even from here, I could see that they also had the slightest trace of fur on them. The membrane also had veins on them, not a common thing to see, even for a real bat. If someone lands a blow on it, would it bleed? I mean possibly, but vampires can heal as long as their head or heart doesn't get nailed (according to her). Are those wings there once she became a vampire or was it earned after a period of time in a vampire cycle that could alter the anatomy of a lesser vampire into a greater one? Well, it's possible. Wisdom comes with age, and knowledge is power. If she could possibly be 500 years old, she could may be—

[Eman?]

Yikes! [Wha-wha-what!? I mean, what? What is it, Lady Scarlet?]

[You seem to be staring at my wings much, are they repulsive to you?] She spread them out to full flexion, and whoa-ho-how. Look at 'em, they're even bigger than I expected. She could carry away an entire family with them. [Do say so, it would be rude if I disgust someone at the dinner table. Maybe I should hide them.]

What!? [No! No! No! No! No! Don't you dare do that!] Before I even realized it I was up my seat, my hands forming fists on the table, and that my voice was raised. Remilia looked surprised, and Sakuya's glare kinda gave the point that she wanted to turn me into a pin cushion for this behavior on the table and to her Mistress. Oops. [I mean…] I sat down and controlled my agitation. Damn, that was embarrassing. [You're wings are quite…..novel. I mean, they look really awesome, actually.]

A small blush formed on her cheeks, [No-novel…?]

Sakuya had an eyebrow raised, a gesture for me to elaborate what I just said before she decides to knife it out of me instead.

Ech! Damn it! Just finished my third serving of deer and now I feel like I'm about to churn, [I mean no offense here: you really didn't look like the ideal vampire like I've expected. You don't appear tough or scary to me, not even a beautiful and mature woman, but I could already tell that it's hidden in ya: a powerful vampire that can make Vladimir, the son of the dragon blush. Those wings of yours are like the coolest thing I ever saw on a vampire. I just can't ignore the part that they're a part of you, who's already stronger than she looks.]

…..

Silence.

Awkward silence.

Even Sakuya was speechless.

Oh shit, what the hell was I saying!? Why the hell am I sweet talking a pint-sized Draculina here!?

Remilia was wide-eyed unlike I've ever seen for the past hour, her wings were frozen in the wide span, and her hand came up to hide the blush on her face.

Oh dear. What the hell did I just do?

"We-well." Please don't say anything, Draculina! You're lapsed to speaking in Yen than in Dollar now! "I've thought of you to be a courteous young boy," Then a really devious smirk formed on her lips, those fangs add a powerful effect leading to the feeling of mischief.

Urrrrgghhh…! If you say anymore I'll be smashing myself on your well-decorated, red table!

…..I'll move the plate away just in case.

"I never expected you to be a smooth-talker and try to woo me with your silver words."

*FACETABLE‼‼‼*

[I wuddn't wvvving vnybvdy….!‼] I wasn't wooing anybody….!‼

DAMN IT ALL!‼ THIS IS EMBARASSING!‼

"Ahahahahaha!" She had a really disturbing cackle there, and now her image as a really sophisticated vampire is gone. "This is wonderful! Sakuya, grab one of our finest wine and serve this young man a drink!"

"As you wish, Milady." *Wshk*

Fucking really!?

"Here, Thomas Jefferson's wine. I extended its age to 30 years further to strengthen its quality."

And you instantly come back with a bottle of Good ol' Jefferson (probably stolen from the outside world) poured to a wine glass beside my head. And you just said you extended its age 3 decades upwards? Were you time-haxing again!?

I reached for the wine glass, my fingers hovering over the rim of the glass, a small opening in between my thumb and index for my mouth to sip through, I leaned my mug away from the table, ignoring the fact that my face probably looked like shit right now, especially with my eye patch lodged awkwardly, and I brought the glass close to my nose, testing the smell. Smelling like apple wine, and a little tinge of bitterness, I swirled it, and I drank it.

Like a gentleman.

…..

Blech.

My face crinkled. It's too bitter, even for 30 years aging. I'll never like apple wine, ever. My only taste in wine was grape, they taste better. What I emphasize most about wine is their taste and I prefer them more than beer since they're healthy. They clean the heart and the system.

"Was it too bitter for you, perhaps?" Sakuya asked.

[Yes.] If this thing was alcoholic, you'll need to do better than that to get me drunk. [Doesn't mean I won't drink it!] And bottoms up! Oh, Thomas Jefferson's surpreme beverage, please knock me out before I embarrass myself even further in front of these two people!

"Ahahahahaha!" I see you're enjoying yourself there, Draculina. "Yes, raise the bottom upwards, Eman!"

[Aah!] I gasped, slamming the glass to the table without breaking it before face palming. Damn, that tasted horrible! Blech! Ugh! It's even worse when it's drank all at once! How do people drink these things anyway!?

*Clears throat* [Ms. Sakuya?]

"Yes, Mr. Retisha, what is it?"

[If you're gonna serve me wine again,] I paused, readjusting my eye patch and the ice bag. Two loops this time. [May I request for the ones served from grape? They taste way better.]

"Yes, Mr. Retisha. I'll keep that in mind."

Thanks. Damn, that wine was too strong.

"Sakuya, serve some over here! I'm thirsty!"

I see that Mistress Remilia lost all aristocratic sense and instead became a party-hard college girl over my humiliation. Jeez, that's one thing I'll get from a vampire. Yay~

I held up my hands, feeling extremely tired and ultimately DONE, [You know what? I'm outta here.] I declared, standing up from my chair and heading for the door.

"Hey! Eman!" Remilia yelled amidst her hysteria, downing a heavy amount of wine from her glass before continuing, "Don't go anywhere yet, say some more of those silver words you got for me!"

I grabbed the knob, turned to the Draculina with a hard glare, and spoke with so much carelessness that I might've looked drunk and surly, "You are absolutely, gloriously, majooshtically, supremicitically, obnoxiously obshcured in the head that vou managed to loosh all shense of legarity and inshtead rooked beautifurry derilious despite the hysteria of your drunken majesty."

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA—"

*Door slam!*

Sigh, give me a facepalm, please! Yeah, like that, thank you, [Holy fucking hell, that was madness.]

…..

Okay.

…..

I'm out.

…..

Deep breath.

…..

Run to the nearest wall and...

*Facewall!*

*Thud*

Yeah…! There we go (ow). Now try to make sense of what just happened. I slid close towards the wall and rested my back against it, holding my face as I try to process it all.

…

…..

…..

[Kkkkkkkkkkkk….!‼] I can't believe what I just said back there! [BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!‼] Oh man, I just lost it. I'm already banging the wall. I really wish this wall was wood instead of stone, I would've banged it harder just to let anybody nearby to understand just how great the dinner was.

Holy crap, that was actually fun! I love extreme fun, I like simple fun, but I treasure the kind of fun people get when they spend some quality time with friends and family, Aah~ that was the greatest dinner I ever had in my LIFE! I managed to entertain the vampire of the mansion and even had a drink of Jefferson's wine. I even got on the good side of the Mistress, and it looked she really had a blast with it.

Achievement! YAY~!

"Rrgh."

Hmm? Oh, Jergo. Didn't see you there. "Hello, Jergo." I wiped the tears out of my eyes before I stood up. Damn, that felt great. "How long have you been there?"

"Mrrm." He shrugged. Not a talker now, huh? He throbbed a thumb at the door, where the Draculina's hysterics are still rolling inside, "Mrrrm?"

"Oh, that's just the Mistress of the Mansion losing herself in her alcohol." Jergo responded with a grunt again. Reaching inside my pockets, zipping it open before pulling out my phone. 11:12 P.M.? Damn, how fast does the time go? And what time exactly did I wake up? I should really get to sleep. I'm tired enough as it is.

I feel like I'll be sleeping with a smile tonight.

I owe Remilia Scarlet and Izayoi Sakuya for this. Despite their 'evil' side (even though it's ambiguous), they offered me a bed to sleep on for the night, dinner to eat, and we had a little banter that reminded me of my high school days.

Ah, good times.

Even for the craziness and eccentricities amidst Gensokyo, it can still offer the most classic basis of fun. And to think it came from a vampire was not something I expected, but I'm not complaining!

Bad enough that I'm punishing somebody tomorrow, the poor guard must've been punished by starving tonight.

Good enough that I plan to not be harsh about it when the time comes, I already formed a plan as to how it'll go. I'm not entirely mad at all, mainly because I think the one who's more at fault is me. Maybe I shouldn't have been standing too close to her.

"Okay, Jergo." I pocketed my phone, "Lead me to my quarters then. I wish to retire immediately."

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

It was midnight.

And the Scarlet Devil Mansion still hasn't quieted down, not since the bell of the clock tower had tolled. But it has always been that way, vampires do function better at night. Anyone would've wondered if the resident vampire had been having too much fun, or the fairies had decided to cause a ruckus.

It happened to be both, actually. With the Scarlet Devil as tipsy as a girl on her first night out with friends on a bar, the following hour had every servant with the exception of Sakuya and the hobgoblins going mad with drunkenness. One of the fewest well-known residents, which were Patchouli Knowledge, Koakuma, and even Hong Meiling had been involved. Due to the recent case of the latter's wrongdoing, the Mistress have decided to deliver the punishment early via hangover with the heaviest amount of alcohol consumed.

It remains a question if the guilt-ridden Gatekeeper could even bear the effects of the liquor in the morning now that her above average mental fortitude had been waning from her recent mistake. If this wasn't exactly her punishment yet, then she might have to suffer 3 punishments tomorrow. Starting with a hangover, then the guest's judgment, then the fivefold punishment afterwards. But she will reap what she had sown, she did this to herself.

It remains a question, however, if the Mistress was even sober enough to even notice what she has been doing. Instead of carrying out punishment, she was rather challenging the gate guard, which confused the latter even more than anyone else present on the table. The one thing she said was ludicrous to the people present:

"Hong Meiling, if you managed to drink me under the table, you'll be saved from tonight's punishment!"

"Bu-but….isn't this my punishment already?"

"Doesn't matter! You can take this as the calm before the storm!"

"Is it even right for me?"

"Hey, shut up! I'm the Mistress of this Mansion, if I say what it is, then it is what it is!"

Sakuya had to hide a rather pitiful look as she stood still, her mistress's demeanor had gone above what she could normally handle.

Patchouli had to resist the urge to slam the spell book she had been reading for a week to her face over how ridiculous that one sentence was to her ears.

Koakuma couldn't possibly do anything except hope for Meiling's well-being to hold out until all of her punishments are through.

The fairies were having the time of their life, cheering for either one of them as they floated in the air and spectated with bottles of wine in hand, their faces almost comparable to an apple. The hobgoblins even had to join in, but they refrained from acting like their moronic workmates, they prayed that their Mistress be merciful to the gate guard. This punishment was too severe to witness, even for them.

Nonetheless, the Scarlet Devil Mansion was having too much fun, as much as that could be defined under the Mistress's views.

If the gatekeeper doesn't receive a hangover by morning, the Mistress would've been the only receiver to the punishment she carried out herself.

One person, however, had not involved herself from the festivities. Since it barely concerned her, she brought her eyes to the object of her attention that alarmed her instincts to wake up. There was a guest tonight, she heard him from her room, having fun, talking to her big sister, there must have been a fight but it sounded like they made up. She wants to see him—no she needs to see him.

Flandre Scarlet, sister to the Scarlet Devil, had caught the scent of something…...attracting.

The smell. It was intoxicating, mouthwatering, and sweetly delicious. It smelled so tasty, too tasty that she cannot stop herself from moving towards the scent almost automatically like a dog. Her cherry red eyes glowing brighter in the darkness of the windowless hallway and her wings framing an odd chandelier behind her, it eventually lead her to the only occupied room of the guest quarters.

The smell of blood is very strong here, and her mouth salivated uncontrollably. Wiping a drool that spilled out of her mouth, she slowly turned the knob, not the slightest sound ever creaked, and her footsteps nothing but air.

She saw him.

It was the guest, the man that talked with her big sister, he had short, slick black hair, he seemed to be somebody that got through 19 summers, and he was asleep in the bed under the soft covers and his back facing her, facing the open, uncovered window of the room granting the quarters a pale glow of the moonlight to shine over his lying form. He seemed to have some weird cloth wrapped around his head. His frame was lean, the image of a man that can wrestle a bear or grapple against a full grown stag, and he smelled…..raw.

The smell was far too foreign, unlike Marisa's scent of horrid mushrooms or Sakuya's scent of delicacy whenever she serves her meals in her room below. It smelled clean, untainted, unblemished, undoubtedly young and fresh.

And unspeakably delicious.

She bared her fangs in reflex, a ripple of goose bumps rolled all over her body and she took a silent step forward.

….?

Her ears caught a peculiarity:

He wasn't breathing.

But his heart was still beating.

Curious, she treaded close to the side of the bed, her footsteps nonexistent as she examined the mister closely, a slight jingle of her crystals resonating like tiny bells.

"Ne, Onii-san, are you human? Are you dead?"

He didn't move nor did he give any sign that he heard her. It gave her doubt: his skin was pale as if he was a fresh born babe, and he wasn't breathing, like a vampire. Was he a vampire or a human? But vampires don't sleep at night, neither do their hearts beat. Then again, he wasn't breathing, don't humans usually breathe? They usually smell like what she eats, and the red sauce always found on her plate was the most tastier.

Just like his..…

Hunger ruling over rational thought, she leaned towards the mister's neck. Clean, fresh blood rushing through his veins, she could feel them, she could hear them, she could almost taste it.

With one red pointed fingernail, she gently opened a flesh wound the size of her thumb just on the right side of his nape. A tiny trickle of blood leaked out, and the smell overwhelmed her senses that she nearly lost control of herself and gorged down on the opening. But she resisted, her sister would scold her for disturbing guests, and she wouldn't want that. Instead, she caught the trickling blood on her finger from his skin and brought it to her lips.

The taste made her eyes wide, a giant ripple of goose bumps rolling across her body, and her wings jingled as if it were bells held with an erratic hand and the crystals glowed so brightly that it rivaled a lamppost and clashed against the moonlight that swathed over his sleeping form. Now the room was colored like the interior of a disco room. The flavor was beyond anything she ever tasted before, and it was heavenly.

She needed more, she wanted more NOW.

Holding the shoulder down with one hand and laying the other on the mister's head, she parted her lips, breathed a small hiss and—

"Flandre-sama."

She froze, and her nerves stopped cold. Closing her mouth and hiding her fangs, she slowly turned her head around and faced the Head Maid who stood at the door crossing her arms, a stern look crossing her face.

"Sakuya….."

"What did your sister tell you?" She asked, her voice hushed to keep Eman from being awoken.

She looked back at the mister, then at the wound she made on his neck, then back at her, "But he smelled…."

"Remilia-sama told you not to disturb the guests, especially when they sleep." Sakuya remarked with a controlled sharp tone, "If your sister sees what you are doing, you'd be in deep trouble."

The mention of her elder sister was all the words needed to make Flandre have all her defiance gone, she hung her head low and her wings drooped, the glow in them dimming to a weak luminescence. "….Okay."

"Come. Back to your quarters, I'll serve you your dinner while you wait."

The word 'dinner' made her look over shoulder towards the mister, and its meaning reverted to him as the new fitting definition.

And he still wasn't breathing, but his heartbeat became erratic.

What is he?

"Will this Onii-san be here tomorrow?"

"That's not for me to know or to decide, Flandre-sama." She gently replied, "He might only deliver the punishment tomorrow then leave."

That made her frown disappointedly. The thought of it made her sad and her hunger even worse. Whatever Sakuya would serve her, it wouldn't satisfy the craving within her. This…new craving. It was beyond anything she ever felt before but at the same time it felt like familiar, and she doesn't know why. She didn't want human blood anymore, she wanted his blood, she can't just let it go like that.

Sighing, she walked passed Sakuya, passed the door, and walked with unenthusiastic steps towards her basement.

It'll be another night alone.

*Chak* Door closing.

A deep gasp immediately exploded in Eman's mouth as he inhaled all the oxygen he desperately needed. His grip on the knife easing, he slipped it out of the pillow and rolled over to his back, a few crackles of joints snapping in the movement and he tasked himself to calming his nerves. His wrist had gotten stiff from gripping it too tightly, and his body had been tense the entire time. The sweat on his body was slowly cooling, but his mind cannot remove itself the struggle and fright.

Craning his head upwards, he wiped his nape and he brought his fingers in front of him, illuminating it by the moonlight of the open window. There was a large smudge of red on the tip of his fingers until the middle of his palm; he was still bleeding, and his still-erratic heartbeat made it bleed even more. The shoulder that 'Flandre' held, her grip was monstrous. She nearly crushed it. He massaged it with a freehand, he was thankful that she didn't dislocate it. And he thanked God that Sakuya was able to arrive before he made a move to defend himself.

So that's what it was, Sakuya. Keep the Draculina's sister away from anyone unfamiliar, no kidding.

His worries had not been abated at all. He was a fool to lay down his guard, and an even bigger fool to even forget the most important detail about Gensokyo.

It is not an easygoing place unlike the Real World. He is not free from danger. He is not always in the vicinity of reasonable Youkai. And no matter how the people he met in this mansion acted towards him, hospitable or unapproachable, genuine or not, he is still in the House of the Devil.

I'm not safe at all.