Steward Of Paradise At Work

by Tall-Gothic-Guy

I didn't come here to meet shrine maidens or monsters. I didn't come here to erect a cross. No one even told me about magic being a thing here. Actually, I didn't expect myself to be here at all. I was simply chasing a woman who created eye portals. But it beats being a runaway thief. I just wish I knew sooner, that this place will never give me a break, not even God...Bring it on.

10. Rage Against The Knowledge

[Just what the hell!?] Out of my face, stupid ass! BAM! Headbutt to your small-ass forehead!

"Hiya‼" OW! That tornado kick sure sent that one flying to the wall!

The sooner we got ourselves slamming through the front door and bolting to the general direction of this library of theirs. Meiling thought she would outrun me since I'm a little exhausted, but no siree, bob, I outran her. I guess she didn't get the memo that I was a runner in the real world, climbing buildings and vaulting over stuff. Running is one of my best feats, just second to free-roaming. But I let her get ahead of me and lead since she knows the way.

Thought we'd be there a lot quicker since we're running a powerful pace, but there's a current problem to deal with.

"Ehehehehehe!"

"Get it China!"

"Have a nice Trip, guest!"

The fairies! They're bothering the hell out of us! What they did? They're blocking the way and throwing magical orbs at us I got nailed in the arm when I was about to block one incoming to my face, and it stings like a bitch! My arm got numb and throbbing that I thought I burnt my entire forearm but thankfully, it's just redness there.

Doesn't mean that it hurts any lesser than it seems. It felt like I got hit with a tennis ball (pitch strength unknown, can't compare it), there was no force of impact but the pain is there! It seriously hurt!

And why the hell are they attacking us!?

"Meiling, explain this! Why are these fairies attacking us!? We are not the intruders here!" I kicked one that was on the floor, knocked out by Meiling, sent it flying towards another fairy that was blocking the way, making them both go poof into glitter and stardust.

Direct hit but I can't celebrate right now.

"Telling them that is a vain effort, Comrade Eman!" She gave a fairy a single straight punch to the face and the result was the interfering being poofing out of existence, "These fairies have no use but be impulsive and do whatever they wanted!"

I dodged an incoming yellow orb from hitting my body before I grabbed the leg of whoever fired it and threw her to the frickin' wall!

I'm not sorry!

"So they just attack us because someone had already broken in and started attacking!?" I asked, increasing my pace until I was right beside her.

…..I ended up hitting a fairy's jaw with my shoulder in collateral though (still not sorry!).

"That translates to joining in the chaos but you're not far from the truth." She replied, a look of exasperation on her face. "The ones worthwhile are *Uppercuts a fairy standing at the side* the hobgoblins and Ms. Sakuya. They make a better effort in these things!"

*Grab!*

[Wuuii!] She grabbed me by the back of my collar, got me slightly stumbling as she pulled me to her other side and a magical orb twice the size of a basketball whizzed right where my back would've been a second ago. If those head-sized orbs hurt like a tennis ball, I don't wanna know how much that would hurt! [Thanks!]

"Since when were these fairies learning teamwork!?" She shouted incredulously, "Was it the hobgoblins' influence!?"

"Where is Ms. Sakuya and the goblins anyway!? Shouldn't they be stopping these people!?" Whoa! Nearly got shot in the head with that purple orb there, and it hit a nearby vase, sending it to the floor and shattering to pieces, the flowers and water spilling to the carpeted floors.

Whoever broke that thing, you better know how to compensate for that! That looked expensive, yo!

"Ms. Sakuya is handling whatever Milady needs and Jergo's band is already dealing with Kirisame at the library!" She answered with a smile, that gives me a clue that those boys can deal with a problem like Marisa. Then that smile fell. "But even their teamwork couldn't stop that Rat from entering!"

Never mind, Marisa is a Most Wanted Criminal that needs more simulations regarding bovines with a pair of horns growing on their skulls!

And get the fuck off me, you stupid bitch!

[Getoffami!] I bonked said stupid bitch in the head that got ahold of my shoulder without my noticing and began biting on it. With it losing its grip on me, I grabbed its head and—[EAT IT!‼]

I power pitched the fairy towards a swarm flying above and out of reach. I struck a few of 'em and that lead to a bowling pin effect, them hitting each other on their fall and eventually falling altogether!

Hell yeah! Strike! Put that on my scoreboard!

These fairies, I was well-reminded that there were all sized like 10 year olds and most were baby sized, and they literally looked like kids. I get a little guilty for even hitting them like that but the fact that they've been annoying the hell out of me and Meiling for the last 5 minutes, including the fact that Chun Lee has no qualms about beating the shit out of them, that pretty much had my conscience fucking off! They ain't cute no more, they annoying! They must die!

And geez, what the hell did you do, Marisa!? I wouldn't even need Meiling to know where you went, you literally trashed the fucking place in your wake! This hallway is extremely packed with tipped over tables, more broken vases, a fallen pillar and a few broken busts as well before we came in. Even a fucking chandelier was down on the floor! What the hell did you even do!?

You're breaking in, and damaging property! I'm so gonna kick your ass when I find ya!

At least I get to run and jump over them like an obstacle course but I'm still gonna kick your ass when I find ya!

Okay, we're turning the corner, and what was waiting for us in the middle of the hallway made Meiling and I freeze.

At the hallway, impeding our progress to reach the library, was a wall of fairies, stacked up on another's shoulder and arms firmly interlocked to each other like a chain. A wall of frickin' fairies, they literally blocked the entire hallway that even a person who could fly can't get past them unless they smash it through.

"My gods, these fairies are getting really crafty with their teamwork!" Meiling stated in a raised voice, looking at the meat wall warily.

"At least they are doing good with stopping intruders." I'm not being sarcastic here. These formations are good with barring a robber from passing through. If they weren't so brittle as to poof out of existence in every good hit, they'd be a good barrier than anything.

"Any ideas as to get passed that!?" Meiling asked, the urgency found in her tone.

"Why are you asking me!?" I don't work here, Chun Lee! And I've only found out about the existence of these pixies just two days ago!

The wall of fairies began brewing a large ball of magic forming at the center, each fairy passing their individual magic to the bright ball of destruction. When the amount of power found in that ball became sizable, they blasted the damn thing straight towards us!

[DIVE!]
"DIVE!"

Both of us dove back to the corner of the hallway we came out of, the ball of light passing through our recent positions and exploding whatever wall it hit at the opposite end of the hallway that was blocked by them. Damn that hurt my ears, that splosion.

I'm not even sure if it was Marisa breaking property or the fairies anymore….

"If they managed to learn teamwork, shouldn't they be using that for housework!?" Meiling growled, frustrated, peeking over the corner.

"They might serve well as expendables." I commented, placing my hands to my knees and trying to regain breath and energy. Damn, we've been running for too long, and we're not even there yet. Still jealous that you don't look winded like me, Meiling. "How much further until we reach the basement, Meiling?"

"Just one more turn and we'll be there." She gave me a reassuring smile, then into frustration again. "But how are we supposed to go past that without being blasted? Our only hope is that we fire some sort of cannon. And my magical capabilities can't form a danmaku bullet as large as that fast enough to hit them before they finish. They can do it in 3 seconds, I needed 5. That's not an advantage for us to take."

Cannon...

Cannon?

Cannon!?

"Did you say 'Cannon'!?" Meiling was cringing her head backwards as I neared hers in clear eagerness.

"Ye-yes, I did. Why?"

Oh hohoho~ This is gonna be great! I always wanted to do this for a long time, but I couldn't since there weren't many muscle-fit people to do it. But now, with Meiling here, I think my bucket list is gonna cross out another one.

"Meiling, my dear, listen to what I have to say." Dramatically Eman, please present thyself to the lady before us.

"Wh-why are you talking like that? And what's with that grin of yours?"

I grinned even wider, doing a sinister chuckle for the heck of it.

"Do you think you could throw something as heavy as my entire body weight?"

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

Short moments later, with the wall formation of the fairies maintaining position and all eyes present looking out for the next sign of movement, the due finally came out boldly and brashly (only the guest, Meiling looked rather embarrassed to even look at them), seemingly uncaring for the destruction that was already forming at the center of the fairy wall the sooner they came out.

The human in particular had a wild grin, his fists placed at his waist and puffing his chest proudly as if he had everything under control. [Come on, you damn fairies! Throw that ball at me before I do the same to ya with my ball!]

Meiling could only facepalm, her mutter almost unheard but heard all the same, "I can't believe I'm agreeing to this….."

The fairies' response was to giggle in chorus, some being childishly, some being maliciously, but altogether it was the most annoying sound that it really signified complete ill will to any who heard it. The ball of pure natural energy growing in size, the two never moved away or even charged forward, they simply stood there undaunted and seemed to want them to make the first move. When the exact size was right, the center fairy pushed her hands forward. The giant danmaku ball flew towards them like a tank-sized proximity mine.

[Go!] With Eman's shout, they finally charged the incoming danmaku head on.

With years of experience and a large dose of confidence running through his nerves, he curved his direction to the nearest wall and executed a Tic-Tac wall run over the white ball of energy before it could slam into him, successfully avoiding a barreling death. Finally whizzing by it, he ejected off the wall with a front flip and landed with a crouch.

Meiling, trained with above-average physical expertise and vice versa, her only tactic was to literally jump over the ball, the Youkai heritage in her blood and bones serving her well to reach 9 meters high whereas the energy ball was only as tall as 7 meters as it grazed by, tucking her knees in to not let her legs be hit in collateral.

Landing with one knee to the carpeted floor, she noticed that the fairies blocking the way were getting riled up in frustration for their efforts being outdone. They began making another giant danmaku ball. Meiling was so glad that these fairies are so stupid that they didn't even think about pelting the entire hallway with standard danmaku, that sort of tactic would definitely not give them a chance to move forward in any way.

Wasting no time, she bolted to Eman's crouching form with the plan in mind. With arms tensing, she grabbed his belt at the back of his pants with one hand and grabbed his bicep with the other. Lifting him off the ground effortlessly, she begun to spin him around headfirst. Preparing the power pitch of their strategy.

[AAaaaaAAAAaaaaaAAAaaaaaAAAAAaaa—] His screaming voice zigzagging in high and low in each individual twist, the momentum of the spin increasing in each turn to ensure a powerful throw to ensure a powerful blow!

Praying to whatever higher god is listening, she hoped that this plan of his will not break him in half.

Noticing the fairies are halfway done with their danmakue ball amidst her spin with her quick, trained eyes, she quickened the twist until she was becoming a blur of green holding a blur of orange and black. She needs the exact amount of power to do it and she's near it.

Hang in there, Comrade! Meiling was seriously hoping he could bear his stomach with this!

Come on…..!

The fairies have already formed the ball.

Almost….!

They are now set to launch it.

"BANZAAAAIIIII!‼‼"

With a powerful roar, she ejected the human missile that was Eman, straight towards the enemies. His trajectory was gaining height and speed still, he was comparable to one of Sakuya's knife being thrown at the best of strength. Midflight, he curled into a ball, head tucked in-between knees, hugging his legs close and locking his fingers together in a clasp, and before the inevitable came, he styled his own roar for the hell of it.

[CANNONBAAAAAALL!]

The black and orange cannonball struck home, right above the forming giant danmaku, slamming feet first towards a misfortunate fairy's face, the entire formation untangling in his weight, shattering the held magic to a pathetic flick of light, no longer proving useful and nothing more than a trace of magic in the air, and the sight of the most annoying (yet effective) formation crumbling like a house of cards was so satisfying to Meiling's aquamarine eyes. Petite bodies flying or thrown around multiple directions, slamming against the walls, floor, even one got thrown towards the ceiling before each one exploded into shiny glitters of fairy dust out of existence.

And Eman was lying face down on the carpet, unmoving.

Concerned, Meiling ran over to his lying form and crouched down to shake him by the shoulder. "Hey, Comrade, are you alright?"

[Uuuuuuggghhhh…..]

Sighing in relief, she shook his shoulder even more, "Good, come on! Get up, the sooner we get to the library the better!"

[Uuuuuuggghhhh…..]

Annoyance immediately setting in, she grabbed his shoulder and rolled him over to his back. "I can't speak groan, you see! Come on, say something!"

His state was completely brazen unlike earlier when he decided the strategy, which was completely manic. His pale face was flushed red, his black hair was a complete mess (yet still managing to shine and silk in the nearby candle light that wasn't put out from the wind power of the cannonball), and his hazel eyes were rolling in nausea. But he was smiling, and something was about to come out.

Too bad Meiling didn't even had this one coming as his mouth exploded to a powerful war cry:

[HEEEEELLLLL FUUUCKING YYEEAAAAAAAHHHH! CROSS THAT ONE OUT MY BUCKET LIST!]

Closing her eyes tightly, Meiling slowly removed her hands off her ears. "At least you could still scream…." She deadpanned, rubbing her ears to remove the ringing. She briefly wondered could a human man even manage that kind of volume. It was so loud it could have compared to a lion.

[Haha! Whoo! Let's do that again sometime!] He exclaimed, massaging his temple with a hand to ease the spinning on his head.

"I hope we never will." She spatted, rising to her feet. She lent him a hand, "Come on, let's go."

He snapped the hand with a firm grip then yanked it so hard that she would have buckled over to the floor had she not been so strong like she is now as she roughly pulled him up. When he got to his feet and let go, he swayed a little before he closed his eyes, both hands cradling his head, the skin around his eyes crinkling as he tried to banish the dizziness.

After a moment of 12 seconds, he opened his eyes and a renewed vigor was found in his voice. [Alrighty, I feel better now. Onwards!] And he bolted off onwards to the end of the hallway, the objective to whack the witch upside the head planted to his mind.

Completely unaware that he just passed the right route to the library that was right beside Meiling.

"This way, Eman!" She shouted, pointing to the hallway that was to her right.

*THUD!*

Meiling winced inwardly at that sound. At the hallway where Eman ran off to, he couldn't make him out anymore because of the lack of illumination thanks to (oddly unlit candles) but whatever happened to him that made such a sound, that sounded like it really hurt as it echoed all the way back to her.

*Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap!*

A series of rapid footsteps later, Eman came back with a fresh red spot on his forehead. [Onwards!] He hollered with the vigor in his voice unchanging, sprinting down the correct hallway with his impressive speed lacking any changes.

She could only sigh and lift her hat off to wipe her hair, following nonetheless, making sure to catch up and take the lead lest he ends up going the wrong hallway again and earn another red spot on his forehead right after being corrected.

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

[Just how far is it to get to the library in this basement anyway!?]

"Wrong way, Eman!"

[Oh, for FUCK'S SAKE!]

"At least you didn't trip the fourth time!"

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

[HHaaaa! Hhaaa! Haaa!] Eman collapsed to the nearest wall without falling, his sweating forehead leaning against the brick wall, two fingers put together to feel his pacing pulse on his wet neck as he heaved every trace of precious oxygen back to his nearly-deprived lung. Yep, he had ran for too long. Too long for his liking. His heart was pounding like a beatbox slammed by a WWE champion.

"Okay, we're here." Meiling confirmed, unlike him she looked as if she was still able-bodied enough to run another extra 100 kilometers. Hearing the tell-tale sounds of destruction within the door she was next to, she was thankful for Patchouli's books being waterproof or fireproof, she would never recover if even one of her finest works were incinerated or just gone so suddenly. "Just beyond this door is the library itself so I suggest you regain composure before we go in."

[I might as well die, Meiling…..!] He snarled, collapsing to his knees before settling his back against the wall. Pulling one knee up, he rested his head against it and eased his breathing. [Why don't you go ahead? *gasp* Our objective *gasp* is right *gasp* there. I can catch *gasp* up.]

"Your advise is sound but it'd be wiser to go as a team instead of going alone. We'll trap her inside while we're here and stop her from getting out instead and when you're able, we're going in."

He had no time for an argument so he just nodded and took the demanded rest, hoping his energies could miraculously flow back to him like an adrenaline surge.

This was almost as similar as the time he chased Yukari, countless minutes of pursuit, non-stop running, a powerful push of his entire bodily limits to the very end, and the powerful drive pushing his mentality to make sure he succeeds. He couldn't believe that he had already done this thing not more than 7 days ago.

All throughout the sprint, he was well-reminded that Logic had really fucked off in terms of space in this mansion, the worse being the basement among all other locations in the building. One hallway in the basement was as long as a football field. And there were 8 more turns before he got here.

And the sounds of things exploding and things falling over and things hitting other things were still rolling off behind the library door. It sounded like a grenade battle was going on inside, similar to the ones he kept hearing on his first day in Gensokyo, cleaning up Reimu's shrine for the first time.

Just what the hell was Marisa doing in there!? He thought in utter disdain. He's seriously gonna be involved in this nonsense, one way or another.

Regardless of the question, he's seriously going to cut her a new one the sooner he gets inside. She just left him behind, again. She is seriously gonna pay for it.

All this running better be worth it, or somebody's gonna get shanked by his knife.

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

"Ready to go, Comrade?" She asked, lifting me up by the hand.

I answered with another question, [How long have we been waiting here?] The sounds of battle and grenade explosions have been ongoing for who knows how long. There was a moment when the door suddenly became hot before smoke came out of the opening underneath the door. Meiling didn't react though but the worry on her face tells a lot of things.

What's odd however is that it didn't smell like anything was burning. I guess that means we can go in without the risk of entering a literal Hell instead. This is Gensokyo, it could be possible.

I got my energy back at least (I got 5 minutes of rest), not enough to make me go for a 1 kilometer run but enough to punch somebody. I just need to go in there and give her a supplex, then get my blood testing over with.

[Okay, here we go!] Pumping myself up, I hopped in place while shaking my hands. Time to serve another serving of Knuckle Sandwiches this time, special edition. Disregard the tray, serve it straight to Marisa's face.

"Okay, on 3: we enter." She informed, hand readying to grab on the knob.

I only continue hopping.

"Okay….one." She raised a finger, "Two….." You know what, fuck the wait.

I straight up just snapped my grip on both knobs and pushed with all my might. When I got it open and bolted right in, I heaved a deep breath and….

[OY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU MAGICAL MIDGET!?]

The response to my shout was a large red magic ball coming towards my face.

[Yai!] Whoa!

I ducked my head out of the way, the ball of energy whizzing by and going to the end of the hallway behind me. I looked at the person who dared fired that thing and it was—

[Jergo?]

The head of goblins was standing right there, his pair of yellow slits wide upon recognizing my face as his hand was motioned as if he had just threw something. "Guest?"

[What are you doing here, man?]

"What you doin' here?"

*THONK!*

OW! MY HEAD!

[What gives!?]

"I told you to do it on three, Eman!" Meiling reprimanded, a cross look on her face, her fist that was used against me shaking in frustration, "Just what were you thinking, barging in like that and risk getting shot out of reflex!?"

I instantly got heated, due to the pain and due to being distracted, [No time for that, Meiling. Let's just go there and get this fucking over with!" I countered, rubbing my head. [Either we stop Marisa now or we waste time with reprimands about failed strategies!]

She gave me a hard glare, then she sighed harshly, "That sounds like a good idea." She turned to the goblin, "Jergo, where is Kirisame?"

He pointed behind him, I looked up and—

Whoa….

….

So….many…..books…..Holy….mother of….….hell this place is so huuuuuge….

This is not a library, this is a fucking metropolis! A metropolis full of books! There's even clouds right on the fucking ceiling! How's that even possible!? Look at all those shelves, some are at standard height but the heavy majority of them reached skyscraper heights. Holy shit! How could you afford this shit!?

"Eman?"

If logic doesn't apply, then the ceiling could pretty much reach the rooftop of the mansion. And we're still in this basement, stocked with millions upon millions of books. I'm not entirely on higher ground, the rows of bookshelves are high enough to block my view but the size of this place is so fucking indescribable.

"Comrade Eman?"

Every wall from all four corners, there was nothing but a wall of books. The lighting of this place wasn't bad either, there were candles and lanterns hung on the walls, even a few chandeliers hanging from all the way up giving a good amount of light on the sitting areas in the library.

"Eman, focus!"

*Slap!*

…..

[Ow….] Yeah, just ow. But my mind is still numb, man. Didn't even feel that much because of the look of this place. Look at all these books. "How many books are in here?"

"5 billion more," Jergo grunted, "Most written by Madam Patchouli herself."

….

By herself?

"Focus!" *PUNCH!*

[OW!] Yeah, that seriously knocked my shock out. But do you really have to punch me at the back of the head like that? [That was too excessive, Meiling.] I said, rubbing the back of my head.

"I'm sorry for that, but we cannot have you spacing out every time." Meiling chided, then walked past me. "Come on, Ms. Patchouli is just yonder over there." She pointed out and already broke to a sprint, dashing through the rows of shelves and breaking a 100 meters already.

I looked at where she last pointed and I saw a figure of black and a figure of purple flying about in the air in the distance, throwing magical orbs at each other.

It's a fucking danmaku fight, and holy hell look at them go.

Jergo and I spared a glance, then we bolted in tow. Mid-sprint, Jergo hopped up and latched on to my shoulder, a red orb forming on his palm afterwards, ready to throw it once the target is in view.

I don't know why but looking at him doing that while on my shoulder makes me feel like I'm a Rogue character from an RPG game heading into battle with a goblin companion. This is gonna be great!

Dashing through the same directions Meiling went through, we were greeted with rows and rows of shelves as I ran through in-between. Swiveling a few corners without losing sight of Meiling as she ran ahead of me, the sounds of destruction was getting nearer and I keep seeing orbs of fire, electricity and even more energy balls being thrown about in the air. There were also lots of stars flying all over the place as well. Yep, we're really getting close to those two, but I'm more eager to see Patchouli in action. She's a magician, and I wanna see her go.

I gotta tell ya, these rows of bookshelves seem to go on forever.

Am I going in circles? I doubt it, the colors of the books in the shelves are not repeating themselves so that's a good sign, but I'm still in the doubt.

….

*Boom!*

*CRASH!*

*BRRROOOOOO!*

Okay, we are almost right next to it.

I even found a few goblins running about, throwing red energy orbs at the skies (or ceiling, in this case) so that means Marisa has been flying all over the place, I even found them going about in formations of forming a giant ball together and throw it at the assailant (obviously Marisa), some of them were jumping about from the top of the row of shelves just to get to certain locations.

*ZZZZzzzz*

I looked to my shoulder goblin and I see his red orb getting bigger and bigger in his hold, that means we are getting really close and he's ready to pitch it towards the midget with a powerful blow the sooner he sees her.

I already lost Meiling but I know where to go. I'll just have to follow the general direction of the chaos…and its right 'round this corner!

I held the edge of this bookshelf, I turned to Jergo, "Ready, my good man?" His response was to growl, adding a little bit of a crackle to the orb he's holding. "I'll take that as a yes." Tensing my legs, and hyping myself up with inhales and exhales, Jergo joins in with growling in each breath he takes.

"One, two, three and—" I tightened my grip and catapulted myself out of the corner, "MARISA, EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?"

The response was a giant star coming my way. WHY!?

"Hrrggh!" That star was met with a giant red orb, crackling with red electricity, causing the galactic projectile to collide against Jergo's orb and grind against each other until it exploded, clusters of sparkles raining down and arcs of red electricity bouncing all over whatever they hit at the aftermath.

"Thank you, Jergo." I thanked.

"Hrggh."

And there was Marisa and Patchouli floating in the air, the other was aloft on a broom, the other was simply floating with a book in hand. And all around us, atop the bookshelves were all the goblins.

And all of them were surprised to see me.

"Among all the times for you to be coming at my library." Patchouli commented dryly, her soft voice somehow reaching my ears and softening the remark.

The goblins grunted some kind of comment, Jergo reacted in kind to them.

"Hey, Bro! Howz yer roughhousin' with China, eh!?"

…..

…Marisa, I'm SO gonna kill you later for leaving me behind again.

"Marisa, you better explain to me this instant why you just went ahead and attacked this library, and first of all, where did Meiling go!?"

She pointed to beside me.

Oh, she just got knocked out. By what, I don't wanna know. All I know is that she got incapacitated the sooner she came out of this corner and I would've suffered the same fate had Jergo not threw that ball.

And Koakuma's right there, lying face down on the floor, in the same condition as Chun Lee. She probably got knocked out in collateral or just got beaten in her effort to defend the library.

Jergo jumped off my shoulder and tended to Meiling.

"Did I do it too much?" Marisa asked, failing to realize what she just did.

I snapped a glare to the witch, "Forget about that, just tell me why did you went ahead of me and…." I struggled for a second with my hands gesturing wildly because of the thought of it. "….assault Ms. Patchouli the sooner you went in!"

"Hey! Cut me some slack! I couldn't just wait for you folks to finish beatin' the crap out of each other so I figured I wait for you here-ze."

"Does the word 'wait' even have the definition of 'breaking and entering' and 'attempted robbing' in your dictionary!?"

"Hey, it's not robbin'! I'm just borrowin' till I die!"

"You plan to take something extremely valuable of mine!" Patchouli snarled, a ball of fire ready in her hand.

[For fuck's sake…..!] I swear this headache is going to kill me, and I feel more than happy to murder somebody right now out of complete anger! She's doing my past vice, IN FRONT OF ME! And she calls it 'Borrowing'!? GEEZ! "Just stop whatever you are doing and come down here so I could give you corporal punishment!"

"Not now, Bro! There's a book I really need and I'm gonna borrow it for a bi—whoa!" A giant ball of fire nearly slammed against her as she swerved her broom out of the trajectory. I looked over to Patchouli and her hand was smoking before it began glowing white this time.

"I'll have you sent out of my library, Rat!" And that glowing hand ejected a laser, barely hitting Marisa as she flew all over the air, becoming a yellow blur as she avoided the attack with a remarkable speed.

The goblins that were once in a halt amidst my ranting finally continued to pelt the air with orbs of their own, littering the air with so much red that I could barely see the ceiling anymore. And Marisa was dodging each and every single one.

The sight is too cool, but being pissed is not gonna let me appreciate this light show!

[Just fucking give up and die, you stupid!] I shouted, readying myself to climb a bookshelf and—

"Stand down, Eman!" Patchouli ordered, her voice somehow magnified, as if her volume was multiplied by 10x. Was it magic again? "A powerless human like you will only hinder me!"

[She's my problem as well, Patchouli! Don't even think for a second that you are handling this without me—] I got myself cut off when she turned her irate eyes to me, her glowing magic hand now switching targets from Marisa to me.

"Stand. Down." Her voice had a definite edge, and her ultra-voice makes it even more intimidating. Her palm began to glow bright, a laser coming to explode at the moment. There's no way I could dodge something that could move at the speed of light. I never went through a moment in my life to dodge something like that!

Exasperated and very undignified by her refusal, I looked at the current problem. She was still in the midst of dodging all the red orbs that were sent her way by the goblins, she herself returning fire with stars. Both parties weren't hitting their mark, not because they got bad aim like the fairies, but because they keep dodging every single one.

That…that…

That pretty much proved Patchouli's point. My fists are not gonna do much in this bullet battle. Each one of them could dodge bullets, and I can't. If I even made the attempt of going in there, I'd be down before it all even began.

Bitterly, I lowered my head in submission with a harsh sigh and simply walked over to Meiling's unconscious form, aiming to be the body cleaner of this battle.

All that running and exercise for nothing!

~~~~~ « ҉ » ~~~~~

"You got any reds, Comrade Eman?"

[Not right now. But I have a couple of blue colors here, you want some?]

"No thank you, blue is too sour. But I'll take the yellow one if you don't want it."

[Ah, lemon. Here, it's a lot juicier than all of 'em.]

"Thank you." And she munched on the upper point of the yellow star. Her face crinkled over the sweetness but she nonetheless savored it. "How did you find out that Kirisame's danmakus are edible?"

I just shrugged, [The smell kinda gave it away. It was a big dare to actually eat it since I didn't know what they're made of but I just can't help it." I got a thing for candy and chocolate, can you blame me for that?

"Hmm…" She hummed in interest.

"Hahahaha! Yer gettin' really aggressive, Patchouli! Did somethin' good happen!?" Marisa exclaimed amidst the bullets being pelted at her as she grazed each and every single one, in courtesy of Jergo and the gang, including Patchouli herself, who was pelting her with lots of fire orbs and other multi-colored balls.

The way everything was kinda going, everybody's been patterning their shots, shaping them like snake bodies, forming them like flowers, I even found several of 'em spiraling their shots. Is this the 'Beauty' thing about the danmaku fight?

"You've been here since Monday, you raided again on Tuesday, you broke into the evening at Wednesday, you smashed straight through my wards on Thursday, you broke through the ceiling on Friday, and now you tell me you want to borrow again on THIS DAY!" She blasted a laser right out of her hand, and it's almost comparable to Marisa's Master Spark. "I've had just enough of you!" If you wanna shout, Patchouli, shout louder. You sound like an asthmatic, which I think you are, and your laser didn't even hit Marisa, even with all the barrage support from the goblins.

Marisa also gets to spray clusters of stars in Patchouli's general direction while she dodges, most were grazed, some had their aim off, some that were about to hit her were either sucked in or sapped out by a cyan-colored geometrical circle laced with magical symbols that formed in front of her like a shield.

Am I watching a magical equivalent to a catfight right now? Because I'm really lovin' it.

I came here to reprimand Marisa in the harshest way that I know, not just for leaving me behind (again), not just for committing the one sin I hated doing right in front of my face, but also for causing property damage while doing so. The amount of chaos I had to go through just to get here was something I never went through my whole life: beating the shit out of fairies, running a marathon, then come here only to be told to stand down and do nothing!

And now I'm eating some star candy with Meiling (who just managed to regain consciousness) while we're seated atop a standard height bookshelf, watching the two magicians rough it out along with the assistance of the goblins. Gotta admit, I'm losing the willingness to even be sour or even be angry anymore the more I look at the two magicians throw their individual spells at each other.

I'm enjoying the show right now. I'd rather sit down here and chill rather than do something about it.

Did I mention that the two magicians were going at it in a violent fashion? Because those spells look like they could utterly obliterate someone, even Marisa's spells had the blast force of a mine.

And might I say: these are sweet-tasting mines. My mouth's exploding with sweetness. This one could definitely make good commercial food.

"So this is a danmaku battle, yes?" I asked, resting my hand behind me to support myself.

She turned to me and asked, "Never seen one before?" I shook my head. "Then this is quite the first battle you'll ever see."

I thought so too. So far, the two magicians had been doing nothing but throwing bullets of elemental magic or stars at each other, and so far, they haven't landed a hit on each other yet. Despite so, this is quite a sight to behold. They're really skilled in flight and even Patchouli had powerful evasion prowess. They grazed almost every bullet like a pro. It's like watching two people play hardcore dodge ball, except in the air, many against 1, and the balls had the potential power of making stinging injuries.

And they're all professionals with unknown years of experience.

Damn. I feel so fucking inadequate with these people. I'm just glad that Meiling's on my level, fighting with our hands.

"Are you familiar with the Spell Card Battles?" She asked, bringing a knee up and resting her forearm on it.

I nodded, "Mm, in courtesy of Reimu and more from Marisa. It sounded interesting at first, and it's even more than 'interesting' when I look at this." I gestured to the battle. I looked about and I see more than a few of the goblins forming bigger danmaku bullets in their palms, the size matching my head. That's gonna do some damage.

"Exactly." Meiling agreed with a nod, "In most cases, Spell Card Battles are more entertaining than it would seem if one is a spectator. The one who wins is the most beautiful fighter." She quoted, making a waving hand gesture. "Don't you think it makes sense?" She asked, taking a bite from a red star. Another stray star bullet whizzed by and she caught it with a single hand before it could get away.

I nodded, fully agreeing. "I heard." If Spell Card Battles are more of a 'Game', then being flashy is some kind of catch, perhaps? Sounds…..sensible, actually. Plus, it sounds very appealing to me. Making the fight look awesome instead of apprehensive. If I were to play it, I'd be flashing a dance show while at the same time, beating the shit out of my enemy with lots of danmakus.

Maaaan, I wanna have magical powers too~! I want in! I wanna play~!

Sigh.

I turned to Meiling, "Do you know how to take part in a Spell Card Battle?"

She nodded with a proud smile, pounding a fist to her chest as a salute. "Yes indeed, Comrade. Notably, anyone can, and I make the duel shine with the color of rainbows."

Whuuuaaa….?

I looked at the two magicians for a glance: Marisa seemed to be throwing some sort of vials at the librarian. Despite missing and shattering to the floor, what came out of the vials came out clusters of stars larger than anything she ever threw since I came in, and they homed in on Patchouli like heat-seeking missiles. They actually hit her, smacking to her petite form in many areas and I could hear her grunting on each hit. She didn't see actually that coming from behind. Is she alright? Can her glass body take those blows?

The frail yet competent magician retaliated by casting gigantic fireballs propelling towards the witch in a frightening speed. Not only that, she also casted some sort of ice magic to form right from above, icicles forming into shape from a cloud of snow that came out of nowhere and they fell down like icy spears of death.

The result: Marisa couldn't make up a time to react from attacks coming from in front of her and from above, and she ended up being bombarded by two elements of nature that both contradicted each other, creating a rather thick mist to explode on the epicenter.

Needless to say, that….was really satisfying. Finally, that damn idiot took some punishment.

*Whoosh!* And cue disappointment. She flew out of the mist, somehow surviving the elemental attack (her clothes looked the worse for wear though), leaving behind stars in her wake, some of which homed in on the librarian as the witch flew over us, whizzing by above me and Meiling's heads, creating a wind storm to buzz by our faces, before she curved a 180 to face Patchouli.

So, based on my observations:

Marisa can use star magic.

Patchouli can control the elements.

Meiling, herself, fights with the color of rainbows.

Leprechaun, anybody? She's wearing a green suit. Was that what she meant as not being human? *Snicker*

"In your observations, have they used a spell card?" I munched on a violet star that I caught when Marisa whizzed by. I'm gonna be needing water later.

She hummed, rubbing her chin with a finger. "From the looks of it, someone already had."

"Which one among them, may I ask?" I asked.

She didn't answer, her eyes firmly focused to the battle.

At the far right, a squad of goblins stacked up to a pyramid atop a shelf and were forming a giant red danmaku (that's what it's actually called, according to Meiling) at the middle. It's easy to tell that these boys were the first to do the giant danmaku formation, those fairies were just ripping it off. These boys do it right, the great red danmaku they were forming was becoming even larger than their formation itself, even larger than the danmaku ball the fairies had made before it was shot forward, the red orb of crackling red electricity about to nail the witch.

A look of shock crossing Marisa's face, she pulled her broom up till she ended up floating upside down in the air and the goblin's giant danmaku missed her by the tip of her hat. With the ball of electricity missing, it only hit the wall packed with shelved books and it exploded with the blast force of a grenade that more than a few books flew out and I nearly got myself falling backwards from the shock wave (wow). Somehow the wall survived, I wonder how it did.

And damn, my ears. Ow. If danmaku battles involved blowing shit up without a care in the world, we might be needing earplugs, and some construction workers, and some insurance, and a lot of cleaners. This fight could be compared to playing with firecrackers and super lolos and throwing them at each other, breaking property along with it.

If Reimu said that a spell card battle forbids death and fatal injury, I beg to differ because that ball might've incinerated a normal person to nothing. Or worse, blow him up to several pieces. A splatter party! If Marisa is going to use that Megaton Laser on this place, we are expecting a large hole from anywhere around here.

And I don't want to pay in compensations to that! I'll be technically to blame for it; I said that I would vouch for Marisa and I said I will not let any sort of bullshit to happen while I'm with her. If it means getting a few burns just to make Marisa not use that fucking laser on this GREAT Library, then good!

Because the one good single bonk to her fucking head will be SO WORTH IT!

Whoa!

I quickly leaned my body away to the side from an incoming red ball, crackling with red electricity.

I know who the hell threw that. [Watch it, Jergo!] I shouted, seeing him hanging on to the edge of bookshelf wall 34 meters yonder and hanging from more than 25 feet high, trying to hit Marisa with a death-from-above point.

"SSSSooooorrrrryyyyyy!" He shouted, his raspy voice barely reaching my ears amidst the explosions of the magic around us.

"Time to suffer, Marisa!" Patchouli shouted (or shouted as she could ever do with her weak voice), releasing her grip on her handheld book and it suddenly floated in front of her, the pages flipping in a rapid speed. Right above the book was a small, rectangular object, glowing red before it erupted to flames and disappeared.

Is it me or is it getting hot in here?

"«Fire Sign – Agni Shine High Level»!" Wait a minute, was that a spell card!?

I got my answer as clusters and clusters and clusters and clusters of fireballs began to expel themselves out of the book, and began spiraling in all directions at a moderate speed, filling the entire air with heat and fire, I'm tempted to think that each fireball is going to burn a man's arm off if touched.

I don't think I should remain on higher ground. I might get myself singed off by accident.

Marisa, on the other hand, doesn't give a particular fuck. I don't think I should be surprised here, she's definitely way used to this. And I have to admit: I envy that.

When I saw the manic smirk forming underneath the brim of her hat, I knew that shit's about to get real. As she grazed the fireballs with controlled ease on her broom, she pulled up her hat, fished her hand inside it as if to grab something then she pulled out something herself: a Spell Card of her own.

"«Magic Sign – Milky Way»!"

What came out next was absolutely dazzling in contrast to the blazing fires of Patchouli's fire spell.

Stars, galactic stars with amazing textures of colors began to pop out of her form and out of nowhere, filling the entire air and began propelling in all directions whilst swirling in spirals around.

She was creating a freakin' Galaxy inside this library!

And there's so much space in this place that we could end up making a star exhibit out of it. The smell of sweet candy kinda demolishes the awesomeness though, it makes me think she's just using candy again to fight. But I'm not letting myself be swayed by my sweet tooth; even as the stars collided with the fireballs and exploded, one of 'em nailed more than several goblins and the fact that they got sent flying 40 meters away once being hit got me the hint why Jergo was near the door when Meiling and I first got in through the entrance.

"Comrade, it'd be wise we shouldn't stay long in higher ground! We might get hit in collateral!" Meiling ordered, already making a move out of the way, sliding off the edge of the bookshelf and landing to the floor with ease.

[Roger!] I replied, throwing my upper body back and letting myself fall backwards off the edge, dodging an incoming star that was coming to my face's last position. Once my weight got me sliding off the edge, my head going first and my feet above me, I manipulated the momentum on my feet to kick forward, rotating my falling form to an upright position before I landed on one knee.

Now, that's what I call a Rush. Doing that felt really good.

Not wasting time, I went around the shelf and met the sight of Meiling going in a battle-ready position.

"You sit back and relax, Comrade." She told without looking at me, her attention fully drawn to the battle she is definitely joining. "You will be spoiled with the beauty of a Danmaku battle." She pointed out, lifting her hand up and positioned it as if she was holding something thin. A second later, colorful specks of light emerged and formed around her hand before grouping towards her fingers like a black hole. It eventually solidified itself into a card, a colorful Spell Card glowing with the intensity of a flashlight.

With a mighty roar, she threw the card to the air in front of her and….

"«Chi Sign – Earth Dragon Sky Dragon Kick»!" With a powerful punch to the very floor, erupting a supernova of colors in a circle around her, causing a powerful wind to blast out, causing my hair to flare and several books to fly off the shelves (there was also an earthquake from the punch and a lot of books fell off from the shelves to the ground from the trembling alone), she leaped off the ground and her right leg was incased in colors, aimed like a flying kick towards Marisa.

The colorful bullet that was Meiling whizzed by the target, apparently missing, but the wind power that came with it was good enough to make Marisa's flight go off-course, sending her crashing to the shelf, making more than 3 dozen magic orbs (one of which included Patchouli's elemental orbs) hit home on her fallen form.

Unfortunately for them, Marisa was so quick in her movements that she dove out of the targeted area where she had last been and flew off to safety. One orb, however, nailed her right on the gut. And that ball came from no other than Jergo, latched on to the chandelier above.

Needless to say, I was SO amazed.

And so horribly bitter! These guys are in the fun part of the game and I'm not in it!

"NOT FAIR, MEILING! I WANT TO JOIN IN TOO‼!‼"

Just after I yelled that, half a dozen pair of yellow slitted eyes looked my way, all of which belonged to six goblins that were in my view. After two seconds of staring, they went down from whatever high ground they took and leapt at me. For a second, I thought I was being attacked and panicked in complete silence as they jumped on me. But when I held still, I realized that they were actually finding good places to latch themselves on my body.

And holy hell, are they light as fuck. They're so light that their kid-size bodies makes it look like a SICK joke! They have the body weight of a tiny rabbit...this is ridiculous.

After a few moments of fussiness while the battle goes on, with Meiling as the new combatant and throwing danmaku balls of her own while balancing her physical blows, the goblins were finally in comfortable positions. Two goblins were on both my shoulders, perfectly balancing themselves with a firm grip using their feet. Another two were on either side of my waist, using my belt as a grab-on. The last two, they were behind my shoulder blades, fully latched on there like lizards. What they shared amongst themselves: they all had an orb of electricity in their individual hands, crackling and glowing in blood-red intensity, ready to be thrown and poised to deliver great jolting pain.

And their faces were laced with the fierce lion's glare.

Thanks, boys!

Now, I look SET UP for a Danmaku fight! With six of the boys in my person, serving as 'Goblin Turrets' for my long range, I got acrobats, speed and agility as a bonus. And for the preparations I've done since the early morning—I cracked my knuckles one by one, enjoying every moment of it—I got a nice serving of Knuckle Sandwiches hot and fresh.

Get 'em while it's hot!

Rubbing my hands together, I looked at the boys individually and asked them this one question, using the vocabulary Marisa always uses: "You boys ready to rock?"

""""""RRRAAAAHHHH‼‼‼""""""

The widest grin I could ever make on my face was no better indication as to how fucking PUMPED I am right now!

"Hold on!" I yelled, and they quickly held on to their greatest grip, so tight that it felt like cats were digging their claws in my body but I ignored the pain and executed a backflip; a starting move before I go into the fray. And their individual body weights didn't even bother me in the slightest as I did.

When I landed, I did a body-check, looking for any goblin that might've fallen off.

None were, they didn't look dizzy or even surprised with my action, they didn't even dispel the orbs in their hands. They were looking really impatient to have me get into the fight!

Well, time to wreck shit up, boys!

[LET'S GOOOOO!‼!] With my battle cry, adjoined by my trusty goblin turrets' rasp roaring, we charged headfirst into the battle.

Running with a mad sprint below the ensuing battle between two flying magicians along with one Chinese martial artist, the boys in my stead were instantly firing their shots to the air, I ran across the floors until I reached a very tall bookshelf. When I got close, I laid one foot on a separate edge and bounced upwards. The boys never stopped firing.

Latching onto another edge, I quickly clambered upwards like I was climbing a ladder. Thank God for all my years of experience and earlier practices, I'm climbing this wall like a lizard. Reaching a good height (prolly a hundred meters high), I released one hand and turned to face behind me, the boys skittering around my body for better positions before continuously firing.

Marisa was flying all over the place, but she's not trying to stray far, she's keeping close where she's got a good aim on her two enemies. I don't think she realizes that I'm part of the game, and the bullets coming from the boys didn't give me away either.

As the boys kept firing, they kept missing. It's not that their aim is bad, it's just that Marisa just too fast that the bullets could not possibly hit her once fired, and she was super unpredictable in her movements.

Unless….

"Boys!" The goblins stopped firing, looking at me with a 'what!?' face, "Follow my aim, I have a strategy!" They shared unsure glances with each other at first, then they quickly nodded and held fire, awaiting my signal.

If this doesn't work, I don't know what could.

Finger pistol: Activated. Now we aim, the way Marisa's movements could go, she never flies in a straight line and she always swerves to the side before Patchouli could fire something and she could actually block Meiling's sneak attacks without effort.

"NOW!" The boys fire at my go, following the direction of my pointing finger, each of them firing at the rate of a single fire pistol. It's more like a burst rifle's firing rate thanks to their numbers. With that going, I aimed to the place where Marisa would eventually go to, making sure I don't nail either of my allies accidently. I zigzagged my shots in the directions I thought she was going to fly into, and she flies downwards to avoid—straight to Meiling's striking distance.

"WHOA!" As Marisa yelped, she managed to dodge a roundhouse kick towards her face by lying on her broom, which only made her run into a large red orb and it slammed her right in the fucking chest. She slipped off the thing and fell to the floor.

[FUCK YEAH!] EAT FLOOR, MARISA!

"What the!?" Oh, now she notices me. Before she could add up a few more words, she barrel rolled to the side, dodging Meiling's fist as the broom suddenly flew towards Marisa's outstretched hand. The guard dashed forward with a knee, the witch blocked with the shaft and swung the whisk end towards her opponents face, staggering the Chinese gatekeeper but not stopping the hook that was aimed towards the chest.

Marisa grunted at the hit, spinning in place to whirlwind her broom, which only got blocked by Meiling's forearm—

*BOOOSH!*

Meiling got blasted with a laser, sending her flying backwards thanks to the Hakkero Marisa pulled out without anybody noticing.

"FIRE!" I shouted, and the boys open fired with my aiming finger.

Shooting a sneer at me, she took to the air, dodging all of the shots the goblins and Patchouli sent flying, swerving a few times, shooting back danmaku and stars of her own before coming straight for me. Even though she's coming straight for me and the boys in my person having a straight aim, she had a barrier lit up and absorbing all of our shots.

Here she comes. She swerved to the side, curving to the right before arching back towards me, making way for a punch to my side as soon as she whizzes past me.

Not happening, baby.

If she expected me to dodge her by jumping upwards, falling back down a few steps or simply taking the blow, I didn't do any of it. I just jumped off the shelf, and went for a diving catch towards her.

If anybody's gonna say that I'm suicidal, that's only gonna flatter me, because I really loved the way Marisa's face looked like when I did it. She totally did not expect me to do it, even the goblins on my person yelped in surprise.

Marisa and I crashed into each other, no doubt our oxygen got blown out of us as we did, and the broom was starting to lose altitude, thanks to my off-balancing of the thing and ruining her subconscious focus on keeping this thing up (I think the goblins on my person got blown off). Spinning like a helicopter with a broken rotor towards the ground without me letting go, I saw a red magic circle appear in mid-air, aimed to have me and Marisa pass through it. When we passed through, I felt weightless, then I realized that the magic circle actually killed the momentum of our fall, and we landed on the ground with my bones intact, feeling like I fell just 1 meter above the ground.

Whoever did that, thanks for the save.

Now, DIE! I kicked Marisa off me, sending her flying off before I kicked my feet up to a stand. When I charged her, she did the impractical kip up thingy and ducked under the 540 kick I sent. I quickly threw a punch upon landing, she parried it and sent a punch straight towards my gut. My body curling in the blow, I sent Marisa a bitch slap to the face in the same movement, making her reel—only to sweep my feet off the ground in the same movement.

Doing a starfish kip up to make her back off, I charged forward once again, side-flipping in her direction to make her step back before I did a sweeping kick on the floor, intentionally missing as she unconsciously lifted her right foot to avoid it, and I did the thing: Step˃Spin˃TD Raiz˃Corkscrew!

She dodged them like I expected, and when she tried to sweep my legs off the floor like last time, I instead jumped off the ground and kicked both my feet forward towards her chest, sending her off her feet and skidding a few meters back on the floor.

Kipping up back to my feet, Marisa likewise stood back with her own kip up. Seriously, that thing's super impractical, even if this fight's supposed to look cool. Loved the way you don't look affected by my kick, you sure got quite the endurance there, girl.

"Nice work, Eman…" She snarled, rolling her shoulders and causing a crackle. "You actually learned."

I shrugged, "I tend to reflect on my mistakes."

"I was wonderin' if yer just gonna stand back while the girl's do all the work…." She then called her broom back to her hand and sat on it. "…ya only made me prouder than evah!"

She's growling, she's sounding both pissed and excited at the same time that it's scary.

"Now….!" Oh no, the fucking hakkero's in her hand! Where the hell is she hiding that thing!? "Since yer tagged with the System, I get to finally blast ya-da ze!"

Okay, I'm running away!

"«Love Sign—Master Spark»!"

Before she said 'spark', somebody yanked me out of the trajectory with my right hand and suddenly there was a blinding light from where I had been seconds ago. When the laser was gone, I opened my eyes and saw that it was Meiling who pulled me into cover behind a giant bookshelf. [Thanks!]

"Don't mention it!" She smiled to me.

*Bak!* A book landed on my knee.

[AAGGH HAGH!] That fucking thing was dictionary-sized! Who the hell dropped that—oh no, holy shit! The bookshelf's tipping over! [Meiling!]

"Way ahead of YOU!" For how it felt when she jumped off the ground while holding me underneath my arms, it felt like I was flying because we were 7 meters off the ground before we landed back to the ground with a thud, me landing on my feet and back on the fight.

Marisa was the one who tipped that bookshelf. That could've killed me, and you did that without hesitation, you stupid cunt. "Ha! Yer still alive!?" She asked with a dangerous grin.

"No, I'm reanimated!" Meiling gave me a push and I bolted off towards her flying form, signaling a few goblins to jump on before I swerved my running towards the side as she began firing her danmaku and stars at me. As I got behind cover, 5 goblins latched on to me without me seeing them. Grabbing the vertical edge of a shelf to swing my body to the opposite direction, I began climbing another shelf as the goblins started open-firing to my left. I quickly jumped off behind me to—

*Grab!*

"Come down from there!"

[YAI!] She grabbed my ankle and tugged me violently down to the—

*THUD!*

[AGGH hhaa…!] Damn it, that fucking hurt! You made me land on my back again! Even the goblins got smacked offa me, I think I just crushed one underneath me. Where the fuck is she—oh no, NOT AGAIN!

"«Magic Sign—Blazing Sta—"

"«Second Card—Deluge Forty Days»!"

Before an omega beam coming from the hakkero could blast me and bury me to the fucking earth, a magical cluster of blue orbs came to the rescue as they forced Marisa to fly away for cover further in the isle, only land in the fighting distance of Meiling.

[Thanks, Patchy!] I grunted before I rolled off to the side. Oh my fuck, I actually crushed a goblin underneath me with my back. I'm so sorry, Dude!

"I told you to stand back, Eman!" Patchouli snapped as she floated down to my level, still holding a back in her grasp while her free hand held itself out towards the crushed goblin, making his body glow an outline of green before his eyes snapped open and he bolted off without backlashing me for crushing him towards Marisa, who was kept busy by Meiling in a melee fight along with a few goblins.

I snapped my stare back to Patchouli, [With all due respect, Ms. Patchouli, FUCK THAT!] I shot upwards to my feet, staring her down, [Marisa's my problem, I plan to be the big boy here and deal with her!]

"I don't need a teenager to be burdening my efforts! Are you even aware how much work I exerted just to stop her from turning you into cinders!?"

[I'm thankful, by the way!] If you don't want my 'thank you', then fuck you! This is my problem as well, librarian. Not only yours. If yer not with me, then fuck you again! [Come on! We gotta put her down before she blasts off with your shit!]

"Don't you dare be in the way, Eman!" Yeah, yeah! That's why I got goblins to serve as my long-range. "And take back what you said about my books!"

Are you fucking serious!? Do we even have the time for that!? [No time, dumbass!] Boys! Hop on!

3 goblins latched on to my extended arm before skittering to proper positions on my body, I exited the isle and I saw Marisa still fighting on the ground against Meiling, and she's doing it with skill too! She's blocking every kick with her broom and she's dodging every punch by either dashing back with her flight magic or simply countering.

"Charged shots!" I ordered and the boys stocked up the energy in their hands, the danmaku balls growing in size. Running towards the brawling pair, every other goblin that were scattered somewhere was holding back lest they hit Meiling as well. Don't hit me too because I'm going in!

"Meiling!" I shouted and she immediately dashed to the side like I wished as I executed a side-flip kick towards Marisa, who didn't see me coming until the last second but she still managed to block me with her broom, sending her sliding backwards. Advancing forward with a punch, she parried it with her broom, sending a roundhouse kick to my side, which I blocked with my forearm before I punched again with my opposite arm, narrowly hitting her face as she moved her head away—only for me to grab her broom, pull it over my head as she gets carried upwards with it (ya sure love your broom, don't'cha) before I slammed her down to the ground on her back.

That's payback for pulling me down, bitch! "FIRE!" I jumped back in a dive and the boys quickly threw their basketball sized red orbs towards her fallen form. What came next was an explosion of dust and red danmaku energy as they collided on Marisa's fallen form before I rolled backwards back to my feet (the 3 goblins in my person kinda hurried to my stomach when I did it to avoid being flattened).

Everybody held their fire, Meiling stood back from the smoke, Patchouli stayed in the air with a fireball ready, and I made sure to not let my guard down as I slowly took several steps back. I've seen too many movies to know that when something like this happens, the enemy always comes back to stab somebody in the spine when someone's not looking.

"Ready your shots." I told and the goblins did so.

"She's still conscious, I could still feel her qi being erratic enough to keep her going." Meiling informed warily. Although, what's a 'qi'? Marisa's presence? Her spiritual energy? "We best be wary."

"Give her no time to recover." Patchouli told, holding a spell card in-between index and middle finger, "«Water Sign—Princess Undine»!"

The smoke was swept away as Marisa swung her broom in a wide 360 arc around her, holding a spell card in her free hand and declaring it in the same time as Patchouli, "«Star Sign—Meteonic Shower»!"

The best way to describe what happened is a massive bombardment of stars that spread out in every angle around Marisa, forcing Meiling to retreat for cover and hitting me right in the fucking chest 4 times due to not being fast enough to react (needless to say, that shook my ribcage). Patchouli's Royalty Undine spell was nothing but beams made out of water whipping out in several directions like tentacles, slapping stars that were aimed towards her before all six appendages swung downwards on the witch.

Needless to say, it was a hell storm when that happened. I got swept away by the tide of water, and the fact that my fucking chest felt like it got punched 4 times by somebody didn't help. I think the boy's got blown offa me again. If I'm gonna keep getting hit like this with the same result each time, I might just be the worst steed for goblins in the entire whole of Gensokyo.

With Marisa countering against the water assault with a massive barrage of her spell card, I quickly bolted the fuck out of there before somebody loses against the clash and cause collateral damage. Those two are really going at it!

And ow, my chest still hurts!

Behind the cover from a good shelf, I pounded my chest to get rid of the pain. Damn, it felt like I got punched with a boxing glove on fire equipped by Mike Tyson, even my shirt felt like it just got too close to the fire! I don't think I'll be eating those stars anytime!

Wait a minute, Marisa's stuck in a clash of power. That means she's exposed on her back. There was an opening on her defense! I cupped around my mouth with my hands and megaphoned my message, "Boys! She's exposed! Take the chance!"

Marisa was winning the fight, the length of her star barrage outmatching Patchouli's water spell. Despite the amount of force the water jet was exerting against the celestial assault, it was being dominated. This was unbelievable. Quantity was beating Quality. Marisa's stars were so dense that it was starting to look like a massive multicolored laser instead of a rapid firing star Gatling gun.

And nobody was taking the chance to nail her from the back. What the hell!? Jergo? Meiling!? Anybody!?

Don't tell me she just nailed every goblin with that AOE application of the Spell Card before turning it into a mega blast.

Wait a minute…..

There was a toppled shelf, it's surface and stocked books charred from the stars that hit it before falling, it was shifting, as if there was somebody buried under it, and I see the blue-caped goblin trying to lift it up with his feeble frame. Meiling got knocked over by a shelf!? Are you kidding me!? Marisa just destroyed everybody!

"How is this possible!?" Oh dear, the librarian's going down, her violet eyes going wide in disbelief as her expression slowly contorted to a strained look.

That's it, I'm taking it with my own hands now. I'm gonna fuck you over, Marisa! Just hold out, Patchouli!

My throat started to rumble a growl as I charged her, my footsteps making splashes on the flooding ground, which slowed my usual charging speed, but I didn't let that stop me as I was slowly closing the distance.

Whoa, what the hell? This library is big. How much water is being let out that it was starting to flood the floors!?

"YEAH! HOW'JA LIKE MY NEW UPGRADE, PATCHY!?" Marisa screamed as she held the hakkero tight, her monstrous grin forever present.

"What on earth is that thing!?" Patchouli screamed back (so weak…), the point of her water torrent getting shorter and shorter and the star laser was slowly reaching her.

"A FUCKIN' FRAGMENT OF THE FUCKIN' FUJIYAMA SALAMANDER'S HEART-DA ZE!" Now that barrage just got even more denser, I stopped on my sprint as I watched the MASSIVE suppressing fire-turned-laser domination quickly shortened the water beam. When I expected Patchouli to get blasted, her violet form flashed a blink of white light before Marisa's attack absolutely destroyed her.

It took several extra seconds before Marisa finally stopped the laser, and when it cleared, the far wall did not show a charred body of Patchouli, I only saw a very charred circular hole in the wall, exposing the backyard.

Did you just fucking shoot Patchouli out of the building, Marisa? You, my friend, are an absolute monster. Too bad I have to beat up your ass.

"Woo ho! Hot! Hot! Hot!" And you dropped the hakkero to the flooded floors, sizzling and letting off steam as the water cooled it down. It was glowing a bright burning orange when she let go, and I think I saw a small orange stone at the back of the thing. Was that the fragment she was talking about? "Shit. I gotta see Kourin and see if he could stabilize this thing again-da ze." She murmured, fishing the artifact from the bottom and instantly dropping it, still sizzling hot.

Before I could help myself, I ended up asking, "Where the fuck did you get that thing?"

"Huh?" She snapped her stare towards me, as if she had expected me to pounce at her, "Oh, hey." She greeted with a nonchalant smile, "Just a li'l somethin' I got from Yukari."

"One of her gifts, I take it?" I remembered last Sunday after she sunk into the eye portal. Yukari said that she left her presents in Marisa's bed. That could be one of it.

"Yep!" She held the thing up, only to drop it to the waters again. It was still burning hot. How long could that thing stay orange with the artifact shoved into it? "Best birthday present I evah had!" She exclaimed with a big smile, leaning down to pick it up again (her eyes were warily eyeing my body's movements as if expecting me to make a move on her).

"It was your birthday?" I asked, stunned.

"Nah." She shook her head, wet yellow strands swishing and sticking to her cheeks, "That was months ago so it'za belated thing."

"Hmm." Lemme just get my knife inside my pants here before I do anything. Before I bring it out, I'll say this, "Belated Happy Birthday, Marisa." I greeted with an incline of my head, my voice showing the slightest sincerity. I finally got my knife out, held in an inverted grip in my right hand.

The predatory smile slowly crept up on her lips, laying her submerged foot on top of the glowing artifact as she looked at my weapon for half a second before turning back to me, "Thanks, Eman…." She lowly replied, crouching ever so slowly.

I took a slow step forward through the calf-deep waters, she took one step back, dragging the artifact backwards with her foot. I took a big step forward, she took another step back, not making much distance away from me thanks to her small legs. This went on for a while until I was finally at leg reach with her, and her form was stiff, ready to counter whatever blow I'll throw.

I raised my left foot above the waters—I suddenly stomped, sending splashes in her direction, and I used her momentary stun for a right kick to her face.

When the water went away, I saw Marisa's sopping wet form, water dripping from all over her black and white dress, including her hat, her face hung low that the brim of her witch hat covered her expressions, and her broom had stopped my kick from meeting her face.

Slowly, she rose her head up, showing me her rather impressed smile, unlike the predatory one earlier, except that the murderous glint in her eyes remained. In a low and clear voice, she said to me, "Nice try, Eman." She snapped her broom sideways to send my feet away, then she jumped to the air and dual-kicked me in the chest.

[UGHA!], Well, she got payback.

My head and body got fully submerged to the waters before I forced myself to sit up lest water gets in my nose. Her kick didn't hurt me but she sure sent me backwards. Bolting up to my feet, splashing water everywhere in the movement, I sent a roundhouse kick towards Marisa, she blocked the blow with her broom and spun her body to slam an elbow to my chest. I slammed my palm to her face despite the pain, sending her splashing down to the narrow waters. I rose my foot up and slammed down on her fallen form, only for her to roll away and for me to create a splash, temporarily interrupting me. As she rose to her feet, she swung her broom diagonally to my face, which I blocked with my elbow and kicked her right chest.

We continued the process, we traded blow for blow, her kicks and punches towards me with the occasional broom whack, my kicks and punches towards her with the occasional bitch slap. Water flew all over the place with our sluggish movements, the water on the floors slowing us down. So many water splashes were erupted, using each other's interruptions as an opening lest we ignored it. We were fighting and splash fighting at the same time, and we are fucking drenched.

If I wanted a bath, then this kind of bath is well-appreciated (thanks, Patchouli). Wish I had shampoo and soap for the occasion. I could blind Marisa's eyes with 'em.

Her cheeks red from several slaps, I punched her abdomen, grabbed her waist from behind while she doubled-over and threw her over behind me, creating a splash upon her landing. For somebody as small as one of my former friend's distant baby sister, she's fucking heavy.

I swept my wet bangs up to clear my vision before I turned around and advanced, creating splashes in each running step. Marisa quickly stood up and jumped to the air, arcing her broom above her head to hammer it down on me. I side-stepped to dodge and executed a side-flip kick. She moved out of the way in a fluid spin and jabbed the opposite end of her broom to my chest like a spear. Now that hurt, but I was still standing. I grabbed her broom, pulled and kneed her in the gut. She curled above my knee, yelping silently with her mouth gaping open and I took the chance to slam both my fists on her exposed back twice before throwing her over my head again, creating another splash behind me.

Turning around—

She leg-swept me with her broom. How the fuck did she survive that knee?

I sunk to the waters in a splash and before I knew it, Marisa was straddling my hip, punching my face several times before pushing my shoulders down to the ground, submerging my head.

She's drowning me!

Thanks to my flexibility, I kneed her in the back twice, making her buckle forward before I bitch-slapped her twice with one hand and head-butted her off me. Heaving for precious air and rubbing my punched cheek, I shot an angry glare at Marisa, [Stupid bitch…!] I turned my head to the right, the hakkero was still submerged there, but the orange glow it had before was starting to dim down.

I gotta get that thing and prevent Marisa from using it.

As I crawled with fast movements towards the artifact—

"NO!"

[UWAAG—] My ankle got grabbed and I faceplanted the water on my momentum. I felt her footsteps right across my back as she ran on me, and it was my turn to grab her ankle and pulled, making her trip and splash down to the floor, the hakkero not even close to her reaching hand.

Smirking evilly, I rose to a crouch, pulled Marisa away from her toy and brought her to me, keeping her face down before I began pounding her back with my free knife hand, making splashes as my fist struck the water and landed on her limber back. Bubbles kept coming out of the area of her head whenever I landed a blow, her form twitching with each strike.

[AAUUUUUGGGHHHH! FUUUUCK!‼!] For all the things she had to do to make me stop, she had uppercut my balls. I couldn't see it coming thanks to the rippling waters. I could stand a punch to the face, I can stay calm while I'm being drowned, I can bear a bullet wound, I could smile through a knife cut, but if anybody hits me in the balls, that's the part where I'll be screaming bloody murder. Marisa whirled on the ground, whipping water in the air and she swung her shoe to my face.

Despite the pain on my cheek, precious oxygen is a better concern than a headache so I took my submerged head out of the water to fill my lungs. I bolted up to my feet and quickly whirled around—

—I was staring down the point of the hakkero aimed at my face.

Fuck me.

She stood there resting her broom on her shoulder, keeping me at her aim while she heaved for breath. Her hat was ridiculously soppy, drooping down due to how much water it soaked up and weighed down the brims, dripping. I could tell that she was sweating a lot, fighting in the waters was extremely exhausting, especially for me. Her cheeks were seriously red, I couldn't keep count on how many bitch slaps she received. Her hair, damn she needs to dry that up. She kinda looked like a blonde Sadako.

When she raised her head up a little, showing me her face through the sticky yellow hair, her eyes were still full of energy (if a little tired) and a smirk appeared on her lips, "Why didn'tcha use the knife?"

My wet grip on the tool tightened, heaving in exhaustion as I responded, "I want this fight to end without any brutal injuries."

She clicked her tongue, "Dumbass." She muttered, the point of the hakkero starting to glow a bright yellow. My body stiffened greatly, not eager to get my face blasted off my shoulders, "Didn't Reimu tell ya what happens when yer tagged in a Spell Card Battle?"

Tagged? What's she talking about? "I have not a clue of what you mean."

"When ya join a spell card fight, ya get tagged. And when ya get tagged, ya ain't gonna die. Ever. Even if I smash ya with the biggest fuckin' danmaku, yer pretty much immortal. It'll still hurt like a bitch-da ze." She chuckled, "Kinda reminds me offa certain immortal in the bamboos."

…huh…

"Even so, it is not worth my effort to effectively use this knife." Despite all of my shortcomings whenever I fight (especially when I go too far such as literally breaking the leg of my enemy), I hold standards, especially with my friends involved. I don't like stabbing my friends or hurting them too much, even at a no-death game. That's just…wrong.

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow at me, the glow on her hakkero getting even brighter, "Ya thinkin' ya could take me on barehanded? Or are you just that much of a wimp to stab me?"

"….." I couldn't answer. Marisa was an experienced Magician who is versed with spells and close-quarters combat, she got years of fighting experience while mine's insignificant in comparison. I honestly doubt my chances against her when she's going all out. I really can't bring myself to do the deed of using this knife either, even with a guaranteed respawn.

"I fuckin' dare ya, Eman." I began to squint my eyes, the fucking hakkero point was starting to blind me. The danger alarms in my body were ringing like a full-state alarm, it was telling me to run the fuck away or else I'll be fucked over in ways I have not experienced. "If you don't wanna get knocked out on yer first danmaku fight, I suggest ya use it."

I spun to the right in the quickest speed I could do while my movements were slowed in the waters and Marisa moved her hand away before I could slap the hakkero out of her hand. Still whirling, I executed the compasso kick to her face, which she leaned away from. Splashing water to her direction to stun, I quickly threw a punch, which she countered with a side-step and a whack to my side with her broom. Growling from the strike, I made for a grab to her clothes and she parried my hand away with the broom before kicking me in the gut.

While my body curled, I used the motion to execute a side-flip and I felt my shoe hit something as she grunted. Gratified at my successful hit, I punched her aimed hakkero upwards with my knife hand (it blew off a laser afterwards to the ceiling, blowing a hole) before I executed the Flying-Goat Simulator (just me diving with my dome piece pointed forward, nonetheless I got Marisa in the chest). As she fell on her back, I dove forward again on top of her, slamming my forehead on her gut and she qworked like a bitch. Doing the worm, I slammed my forehead on the gut again, causing a splash on the waters. Afterwards, I did it again. Done the fourth time! Done the fi—

[ARGGH!‼!] SHE HAD HER KNEE UP!

Motherfucking, cunt-sucking, shit-pissing, rascal-fucking, BITCH!

This hurts the fucking most, this actually hurts! I can't bear with this! This actually hurts a fucking lot! It felt like my ribs just got caved inwards so deeply that it punched my heart from the fucking inside! While I groaned and growled like a motherfucker as I rolled to the side, Marisa wasn't spared as she was coughing and groaning like a bitch, clutching her belly. She had the firsthand experience of getting goat simulator-ed at the shrine, she gets a full simulation of getting her intestines hammered from the outside.

There's a reason why I don't listen to people much, I'm that hardheaded.

But still, my chest hurts so fucking much! What the fuck is your knee made of, Marisa!?

[Uuurrghh! Damn it….!] I rasped as much as my kneed-lung could let me, rubbing my chest as frantically as I could while coughing. Damn it, I'm tasting the copper in my tongue. I crawled one handed towards a slanted shelf through the waters, resting my back against it to get my bearings while I kept my eyes on Marisa. She settled to resting her back on a standing bookshelf, holding her stomach. Her broom was submerged by her feet, and the hakkero is still there in her free hand.

And holy hell, she's dripping water like a big fat sponge hung out to dry. That hat of hers is seriously starting to look funny due to how damp it is. When she looked up and faced me, she gave me a leery grin, "That all you got?"

NOT EVEN CLOSE!

Come're, you little bitch! [HIYA!] Kicked your fucking face into the shelf!

….except that didn't happen, she moved out of the way and I ended up drop-kicking the shelf down, making a loud slam and a big splash. Starfish-kip up to my feet (it was slightly hard to do in the water), I sprinted towards Marisa and shot a knee—uwa! Something hit my ankles and made me fall to the floor! [Oof!] It was the fucking broom, she called it to her hand and it ended up tripping me to my back!

"See ya next fall, Eman!" Even though she sounded muffled with my ears in the water, I heard her right.

[HHRRRRR!] Thanks to my head being submerged in the waters, I pretty much sounded like a drowning victim going on a rage quit on life.

One thing about rage-quitting: the absolute rage is Real just like the most genuine anger felt in life. When I go on a rage, things get a little….inhumane. Human coherence is slightly present, my blood boils so much that it makes my skin itchy, my strength suddenly multiplied, my current thoughts focuses on being the scariest motherfucker in the room and I could barely say a word; I'm just a growling mess.

Fighting a fight where I could barely match half of what my opponent could do….it just pisses me off. I may be a person who understands that there are people better than me but I just can't stand it when it's rubbed on my face without anybody being verbal about it. Marisa subtly emphasized the fact that I could easily get outmatched by her once she uses her real magic by tripping me with a broom and mock me about it.

I. Can't. Have. That.

Ever so slowly, I sat up from the waters, my bangs sopping wet and sticking to my face, and I shot her the coldest glare I could muster through my black locks while I bared my teeth like a wolf, breathing in snarls.

She leered at me even wider, the unholy sight of arrogance was showing in her face as she threw her hakkero up and down in her hand, "You mad, Eman? Did I hit a nerve or somethin'?" She taunted.

You are SO fucking dead, Marisa.

You wanted me to use the fucking knife? I'll use the fucking knife!

Eat it!

Straight out of the water on my side, I threw the knife towards her, aimed directly towards her forehead. I didn't wait for Marisa to dodge it or actually get hit by it so I shot up from my position out of the water and pounced at her when she shot the knife out of the air with a finger-laser.

Distraction.

Tackling her to the ground with a slam and a splash, I lifted her up again, regardless of her absurd weight and slammed her down to the ground again, causing another splash. Fists raised above my head, I gorilla-slammed her gut in two successions before I jumped up to my feet and pulled her up by the collar.

[GOAT SIMULA—PFFUA!] Right at my nose! She GS'd me right at the fucking nose!

*Kick!* Right at my gut, making me staggered backwards before collapsing to my knees. Damn all this fucking water, it makes it easier for me to trip on my feet!

Bolting towards her despite my possibly bleeding nose, I sent a wide slap towards her face, which she ducked under and sent a punch to my side. It hurt but it barely stopped me as I gorilla-slammed her exposed back, making her buckle to her knees, only for her to grab both my legs and pulled, sending me to the ground.

I felt her crawl atop of me before I felt a rapid fire of fists on my gut before something grabbed me out of the water by the collar and punched me in the face. Marisa punched the second time before bitch-slapping me and switching to her left hand, doing the same pattern.

I caught her hand before she could bitch-slap me and grabbed the other one with my own, trying to push her off me. However, Marisa pushed back and tried to overpower me.

[HHHRRGGHHH!]

"GGGRRRRRGGHHH!"

We were growling like a pair of mad dogs, sneering and glaring at each other, and for all the things that could've blown the fuck out of my mind, I was absolutely dumbfounded by the Ordinary Magician's strength: Marisa, the smallest friend I ever had in my fucking life, was overpowering me. I'm the most visually muscular in the entire population of this library, and I'm straining under a fucking short-stack! What the fuck is wrong with the world!?

….Oh yeah, right, we're in Gensokyo. Never mind.

If that's the case, how 'bout this?

I slackened my arms, making Marisa fall forward and while she did, I kicked my legs up, lifting my hips off the ground along with hers, then I rolled backwards to my head. The result: I was now the one on top.

Yeah! That's how we turn the tables back Outside! Capoeira style!

Bitch-slap time!

*Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!* Yeah! How'ja like the new blush, Marisa!? HAhAHAHAHAHA! I'M INSANE! Listen to the wince-inducing SNAP sounds as I brutalize your pretty cheeks!

*Kick!* And you kick me in the balls.

[AGH!] Then she kicked me off her with the same leg towards my chest. Barely felt it, my balls hurt more than that!

Down on my knees with one hand on the waterlogged floor with the other massaging my aching valuables, I watched as Marisa rose to a stand, one hand rubbing her cheek as she glared at me with gritted teeth.

"You done it this time, Eman!" Oh, she sounded mad.

"Is the blush unappreciated?" I worked my butt off to give you that (and I had fun too!).

"Had 'nough of ya slappin' the shit outta my face! I'm gonna feel this thing later-da ze!"

"Would you rather I curl my fingers instead?" Because unless you're in the same build as Meiling, you ain't gonna be gettin' the usual treatment.

She gave me a confused look, "Wuz that s'pposed ta mean?"

Oy. "Punching you, you imbecile!"

"Whatever! You ain't gonna get me this time-ze!" She beckoned the broom to her hand and she whipped it in a 180 arc across her horizontally. When I expected water to be whipped towards me, star danmaku instead was flying.

Shit.

I bent my knees and went limbo just to dodge them. I failed to realize that doing that as fast as possible before I get blasted with explosive candy was not exactly the best idea while my foot was calf-deep in waters: I slipped on my footing and I literally slammed my head to the floor in the process!

Now I'm getting really mad! Nobody makes me sink my head into the water and bonk the ground! NOBODY!

Making my body go rewind from the limbo back to the standing position (while dripping with water), I spun to the left (this is so hard in the water!) as I charged forward to dodge the diagonal line of stars sent my way. 2 horizontal swings sent my way, I B-Twisted over the motherfuckers, spun around upon landing since my back was facing Marisa and brought a hammering fist on her head.

*BAK!*

She blocked it with the broom, with one hand. What the fuck is this girl made of, seriously?

At least my fist landed on the shaft. If my wrist was the one to land, I might've fractured it (again).

"«Narrow Spark»!"

[Oh shi—]

*Booooooooooom!*

…

…

I smell fire, I smell cinder, I smell smoke, I smell heat, I smell hellfire…but I don't smell burnt flesh.

Ever so slowly, I turned my head to face Marisa, who was as wide-eyed as I was as she held the hakkero once pointed at point-blank range to my face before I leaned to the side. My nose really felt the heat on that rainbow laser, even if it wasn't even hit.

"Holy fuck." She gaped.

I nodded, wide-eyed as she was, [Yeah,] "Holy fuck."

I slapped the smoky hakkero away, slapped the broom that blocked my fist away with said fist, and I reared my head back—she does the same and we—

*Bonk!*

"AARGH!"

[OW! FUCK!]

DAMN IT! IT HURTS! EVEN IF ME AND MY ENEMY DO THE SAME THING, IT STILL BACKFIRES EVERY TIME!

Marisa turned to me with gritted teeth, tears clearly visible despite her wet face as she held her forehead with her hakkero hand, "The fuck is yer head made of, eh!?"

No doubt I felt some tears leak out and I felt horribly dizzy, kneading my aching forehead, "Who on Gensokyo shaped the structure of your skull, woman!?"

None of us bothered answering each other's question since I kicked up water to her direction without letting go of my pulsing head and did a 540 kick to her head. She back-stepped out of the way, I slipped on my landing, only for me to knock her over with my back in the process and we both fell to the floors with a splash. With her behind me, I twisted around and swung an elbow behind me, which hit nothing as Marisa rolled away.

Bolting up to my feet, she did so as well, I punched her swung broom away, causing her to spin it in her hand to not lose momentum of the swing and twirled, swinging it from the other side, which I blocked and swung a left haymaker to her face. She ducked underneath my reach—only to get hit by a back-kick as I spun from the momentum. Staggering backwards, she shot standard stars and standard danmaku at me from her hands, which put me in a full state of panic, activating an adrenaline dose in my system, and my exhaustion suddenly became unnoticeable. Executing a cartwheel, following up with a backflip before I dove to cover behind a shelf. The sound of wood and knowledge being pelted reached my ears, it sooner stopped as Marisa couldn't see me anymore.

She sooner came into view riding her broom, shooting a fast-star toward me. I slapped it out of the way—

[AGH! FFFFF—!] I growled, holding my aching hand. That felt like I just bitch-slapped a baseball out of course! SHIT!

"Oho!" Marisa's eyes glowed with wonder, "Never seen anybody besides China doin' that before-ze!"

My hand's not broken, my fingers' are intact, it's just a little red on the palms. No biggie, not an issue at all.

Sprinting further back, I moved to cover again on another intact shelf, rubbing my hand as frantically as possible that I might end up sparking a fire. This thing just hurts too much, it itches! Never gonna whack a danmaku orb again.

…!

Oh fuck, dive out of cover!

The sooner I did, the shelf got hit by something from behind and it toppled forward, would've crushed me had I not moved.

Oh instincts, thank you so much. You saved my life again.

I bet you shot a big-ass star to that thing, Marisa.

Shooting up to my feet, I charged her forward, my adrenaline helped as it gave me the courage to come at her while she's firing danmaku at me. Spinning to the left to dodge a bullet spray, I rolled on the ground and straight-punched her gut, which she spun away from and whacked me across the face with a broom.

That hurt….like a motherfucker! That thing is a cleaning material—a fucking Cleaning Material, and it hurts like a fucking bitch! NOW I'M REALLY MAD!

I switched the stance on my leg and executed a leg sweep in my crouch, kicking up water. She jumped over my kick, taking one step backwards. I did the Compasso after one spin: she leaned her head away. I whirled another Compasso in the same momentum and struck her waist. She doubles over and throws a shotgun blast of stars at the same time, only one managed to smack against my shoulder blade even as I went flat on the ground, submerging myself.

Those things really hurt like tennis balls.

With the risk of being hit, I catapulted myself off the ground to throw myself at her, using my bodyweight as a weapon to slam against her. I didn't feel anything, I only felt weightless as I passed Marisa besides me—she didn't consider the fact that I have a leg stuck out to hit her in case she side-steps. I nailed her in the mug.

Doing the kip up from the waters, she and I began going on a beat down. Blow for blow, kick for kick, broom whack for bitch slap, whipping water everywhere, the number of bruises on visible skin increasing and her cheeks are starting to look red as blood. She snuck a few shots of danmaku from time to time, most I dodged and several of 'em nicked me. One slammed my bicep so hard that I thought she destroyed the muscle, except she didn't and that the blow simply hurts like a motherfucker.

I was starting to question just how formidable Marisa's fortitude is. I was no longer holding back, and my blows get heavier each time she hits me, I was getting close to finally punching her in the face. And she's still standing, beating my ass up as I her.

Now I'm losing the edge, all this water is just exhausting me.

Pushed up against the side of a bookshelf, Marisa assaulted me with brutal punches to my gut, side, and my face before I caught her hand and switched our positions with her punch momentum. I kneed her first in the gut before a bitch-slap, then I kneed her again before a bitch-slap with the opposite cheek. After that, I grabbed the wet fabric of her clothes and threw her to the opposite direction. As she stepped on a sunken book and slipped in a splash, I placed my hands on my knees just to get some air back as she did that impractical kip up back to her feet.

Just as quickly as she had gotten to her feet, she quickly charged towards me, creating big splashes in each step, shooting danmaku and stars as she did.

Oh fuck, I am so exhausted.

I grabbed a single book out of the shelf behind me and used it as a shield against the bullets even as I dodged. For some reason, the book didn't break apart like I thought, it held on really well. Whoever made the material of this thing, I salute you. It saved me, includes the fact that I threw the damn thing at Marisa's face and nailed her forehead (hehe). Using her momentary stun as an opening, I quickly closed the distance between us and slammed my palm to her midsection, lifting her up and slamming her to the ground behind me.

Straddling her hip, I sent quick punches to her gut before switching to my other hand. Raising my fists above me, I gorilla-slammed her chest, only for both my wrists to be caught by hand as Marisa raised her head from the waters, glaring at me with murder. Growling in exertion, I pushed down on her grasp against me, trying to overpower her, using the superior weight of my upper body for more force. If she could dominate me while she was on top, I am now doing the same, my grabby hands are nearing her neck, her grip on me shaking as she seemed to be on the verge of collapse. I felt her try to knee from behind but it seemed she wasn't flexible enough to reach me.

She looked to her right—I fell forward as she slackened her arms and diverted my fall to land beside her—

*BUNG!*

…..she held up a magical barrier to the right and a fucking circular saw ricocheted on its surface with a muffled wham.

…...…...Oh my fuck, that could've sliced me in fucking half.

Who the fuck threw that thing!? What the!? When did you—!?

"Patchy!?"

[Patchouli!?]

How the fuck are you still alive, Woman!? Weren't ya sunbathing outside for the last dozens of minutes!?

I stood up from the ground and glared at her, [What the fuck!? You could'a sliced me in half!]

"You couldn't finish her off despite the past one and a half hour, you made a horrible mess of my workspace, and you are clearly about to crumble, I can no longer trust you to finish the job!"

Oh the fucking nerve of this woman and her pride! [Who the fuck cares about who does best!? Stopping Marisa is the main priority here, not finding out who has the longest dick!]

She cringed backwards at that, the redness of her face from the anger now even redder from the embarrassment, "Wh-why did you bring that into the subject!?"

[That's almost your subject when you fucking said that you'll do it on your own!]

"Of course I can!" You sound so fucking weak when you shout, Patchy. Consider a megaphone for your retort!? "You can see that your fists couldn't even slow her down!"

[Is that even an excuse to throw a fucking circular saw at me!? I could've fucking died, you stupid marshmallow!]

"Are you not aware of what you have put yourself into!? This is a spell card battle, Eman! Death and injury is not possible!"

[A fair warning would be nice before you fucking eviscerate two people instead of the primary target!]

"I did say—" She stopped yelling. Why'd you stop midway?

[What?] What happened to you?

"Where's Marisa!?"

I looked down: WHAT THE!? SHE'S GONE!

Where'd she go!? Where'd she go!? Where'd she go!?

"Later, guys!" I turned to the speaker and I saw a black blur getting further and further away into the doors of the entrance.

"SHE'S ESCAPING!" No shit, Purple! Could ya shout that even louder to make it sound perfect in the situation!?

"JERGO!" Wait a minute, was that Meiling shouting?

A red magic circle, big enough to cover the entire doorway of the entrance appeared and came out of it was a red laser, big enough to match Marisa's Narrow Spark and it nearly nailed the latter. Marisa swerved to the side with a yelp, only for another magic circle to appear on the right walls and shoot out the same laser. Another one on the left wall came out, shooting red danmaku orbs instead of a laser. What came next, so many red danmaku orbs that I recognized that belonged to the goblins came out of the floors, flaking Marisa's general direction.

"Comrade!"

I turned to my side and witnessed Meiling's aquamarine eyes, [Meiling!? Since when'd ya got up?]

"An hour ago!" She smiled awkwardly, "I was planning to intervene but I couldn't help but watch how you fare against Kirisame."

...The fuck did you say!? [You were watching!? THE WHOLE TIME!? AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!?]

She put hands together and bowed her head in apology, "I beg your apologies! I was strongly confident that you could take her on all by yourself!"

[YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE MUCH SOONER! NOW LOOK AT THAT!] I gesturing towards the red laser/danmaku chaos going on near the entrance here, Chun Lee! Look at what you just did! [YOU AND YOUR JUDGMENT JUST MADE STOPPING THIS BULSHITE EVEN MORE DIFFICULT NOW THAT YOU LET HER GET AWAY WHEN YOU SHOULD'VE KNOCKED HER OUT WHILE I WAS KEEPING HER BUSY!]

Meiling was starting look even smaller, her hands lowering to her thighs and gripping the hem of her green dress, head hung so low in shame. "….I'm sorry."

Oh my fuck, WHY!? [Alright, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I yelled. I was just ticked off since I nearly got cut in half by Patchouli.]

"«Metal and Wood Sign—Elemental Harvester»!" Meiling and I turned to Patchouli and a teal magic circle was conjured in front of her. Came out of it: more of those gigantic circular saws, flying towards Marisa's zigzagging form like guided Frisbees. "If you two plan to be useless, you get out of the library!"

[HHHRRGGHHH!] One day, Patchouli! One day, I'm gonna bitch-slap your fucking ass for being a cunt! I turned to Meiling, [Look here, if you wanna make it up to me, you help me put Marisa down! That okay with you!?] Please agree immediately, I don't have time for a long-sentenced apology! I'm seriously gonna flip the fuck off thanks to Purple over there!

You nod firmly, and with a resolved look in your eyes too! "Okay! I'll do my best to make up for my mistakes!"

Thank you!

[Come on!] And I bolt, wadding through the waters as fast as I could.

Patchouli and the goblins are going all out, larger danmaku orbs and even deadlier spell cards. Marisa was starting to go wild, cackling in the air as she did the most extreme dodges that I ever seen my life. The air was extremely pelted with danmaku, I could just be looking at an ash-filled air, and everybody's not hitting her at all. Marisa now had two white orbs orbiting her, shooting blue bullets and lasers in the direction of her enemies. One by one the goblins were getting nailed, some barely get to dodge out of the way.

[Meiling! Hoist!] I ordered, pointing to a standing shelf.

"Shi!" That's Chinese for 'Yes'! I still remember what Andy Wong told me when I went to Hong Kong!

Meiling hightails ahead of me despite the waters, kicking up water in her wake before she reached the area beside the shelf and turned to me with her hands interlocked together in front of her waist as she slightly leaned forward. Planting my left foot to the hand platform, she boosted me up and I gracefully laid my right foot on the edge at the middle of my sole before I bolted forward, jumping from shelf to shelf.

With a rapid splish-splash of footsteps below me receding towards Marisa's direction and a couple bumps latching onto my body (say, eight goblins), sounds of crackling red electric danmaku being conjured around me, my boys and I once again jumped headfirst into the clusterfuck.