"Reimu. Reimu, please wake up."

Something shook Reimu's shoulder and nudged her back to awareness. This was immediately followed by a second sensation: dull pain, like a barely-healed wound, burned in her stomach. Her first thought was, Did I get hurt again?, and then she remembered that it was only hunger. She'd felt like this for days. The third sensation, the smell of some kind of meat, only made the pain worse, but it coaxed her into admitting that she was awake.

"Ngh..." With a soft grunt, she rolled over. Even that was a struggle. Opening her eyes, she found Yukari sitting at the side of her bed, with a steaming bowl in her lap. "What happened...?" she mumbled. Her limbs were shaking, but she forced them to continue moving until she was propped back against the headboard.

"You collapsed. Here." Yukari dipped a spoon into the bowl, then offered it over. This close, Reimu could identify the smell as broth. The idea of being spoon-fed, especially by Yukari, was humiliating. Grudgingly, she leaned forward and slurped the broth up. Yukari pulled the spoon back, then dipped it in the bowl again. "How do you feel?"

"... um." Reimu raised her hand and clenched her fingers a few times, trying to work a little strength into them. They still felt weak, regardless. "Not good. I don't know if I can even stand. … I lost the fight, didn't I?"

"You did. Politically, we'll call it a draw. Tenma showed that he can exert pressure on you, but he came off looking like he'd pressured a sick girl into fighting. You proved that you're not the threat that everybody feared, and I look like I can't take care of the members of my household. We all came away looking like fools."

"... sorry."

"Don't be. I doubt you had planned to black out in the middle of a fight." Yukari offered over another spoonful of broth. After Reimu had swallowed it, she continued, "Although in the future, I'd generally prefer it if you would discuss this sort of thing with me before you're halfway dead."

"Sorry. I... wasn't comfortable talking about it."

"Reimu, your problems are my problems now." Yukari reached over to brush some hair out of Reimu's face. Reimu belatedly realized that she was still dirty. Her hair felt matted with dried sweat, and there was a layer of grime on her skin. "I'm not going to judge you. If this partnership is going to work, I need you to trust me. You don't need to deal with everything alone anymore." Reimu remained silent, and Yukari fed her another spoonful of broth. "I know that your appetite has been unsteady. You don't hide it very well. Can you tell me what's wrong?" Another spoonful.

The broth took the edge off of the pain in Reimu's stomach, but she knew that it would be back soon enough. She kept her eyes lowered. She knew what she needed to say. Knowing Yukari, she'd probably figured it out days ago. Putting the words together was still difficult. "I think I'm... supposed to eat people."

"Ah. What makes you say that?"

"During my trip to the human village. I, um... I could smell them. Then I went to the shrine and I." Reimu stopped, and considered whether she really wanted to continue that. "... thought about ripping out Shiko's throat. With my teeth."

"Please do not eat the Hakurei shrine maiden," Yukari said, deadpan. "It's considered a major faux pas."

"I'll keep it in mind," Reimu said, too tired for her usual show of exasperation.

"Good. But I'm not surprised. I've suspected it ever since your teeth became sharper." Yukari didn't seem uncomfortable with the idea in the least, but offered a sympathetic smile along with another spoonful of broth. "Youkai can only get sustenance from so many sources, after all."

Reimu self-consciously ran her tongue across one of her newly-pointed canines. She could feel heat rising into her cheeks. Even now, Yukari could be so calm, even when she'd just admitted that she wanted to eat humans. She wanted to grab her and shake her, see if she could get that smug expression off of her face. Her thoughts came to a faltering stop, though, as she realized: Yukari had already figured it out. That meant... With bile rising in her throat, Reimu recoiled from the spoon. "T-this isn't...?!"

"It's chicken broth," Yukari reassured her. Reimu studied her face for a moment before she thought to peek at her emotions directly. Neither one showed any sign that she was lying. Instead, Reimu just found her emotions tinged with concern, affection, and the slightest bit of annoyance. Reluctantly, she accepted the spoonful of soup. Her stomach took a bit longer to settle, and it was several seconds before she was convinced that it was going to stay down. Yukari seemed to sense that she'd lost her appetite for the moment, and dropped the spoon into the bowl.

Reimu's only immediate response was an annoyed grunt, but without much force behind it. "So how do we fix it?"

"You assume that we can."

"... what do you mean?"

"You're a youkai now. Some things come with the territory."

Reimu could swear that she felt her heart stop in her chest. "I-I'm not going to eat people!"

"Not even if you don't have a choice?"

"No!"

"I need to eat humans to survive. Do you consider me evil?" Reimu opened her mouth to answer, and found herself without words. Yukari continued. "As does Chen. Kappa have to eat their shirikodama. Tsuchigumo, kasha, vampires... you've always known plenty of youkai who eat humans. How is it different now?"

Reimu scowled and shrunk down under her covers. She didn't have a good answer. Being friends with youkai meant learning to ignore it. To not notice the red tinge to Remilia's tea. To overlook the disturbances in the barrier when groups of youkai crossed into the outside world. Over the years, she'd gotten pretty good at it. Nothing positive could have come out of thinking too hard about the subject.

And nothing positive could come out of it now, either. "We're not talking about this."

"Hmm." Yukari stayed sitting, and Reimu feared that she might be planning to press the issue. "... very well," she conceded after a short time. "Get some rest. I'll be back in the evening."

The day was a blur of nothingness. Within an hour of the visit from Yukari, Reimu's hunger was back at full force. It felt like a spear driven through her stomach. She curled up in a ball, with her knees clutched to her chest, to try relieving the ache. It didn't do her any good. The one time she tried to leave the room, her legs nearly collapsed under her, and she hurried back into bed.

There was nothing left to do but think, and just like before, her thoughts were unfocused and meandering. She drifted fitfully between consciousness and short bursts of sleep, and she could barely tell the difference between the two.

Throughout it all, the same feeling of disgust and dread hovered over her. At times, she daydreamed about sticking to her resolution forever. Maybe she'd just lay here, starving the youkai portion out of her soul until she was a normal human again. She found the idea strangely joyless. Other times, she caught herself fantasizing about eating her fill. Sometimes, she was sitting at a buffet, with a heaping plate of outside world sweets and hearty soup. Other times, that tempting, delicious smell that had hung around Shiko. Her teeth sunk into the girl's neck with little more resistance than a rich cake. A warm, sweet taste filled her mouth...

When she realized just what she was imagining, her stomach seized up in nausea again. Her fantasies came to an abrupt end, but the imagined taste of human flesh lingered.

As before, Reimu could hear life continue throughout the rest of the house. It made her feel... small. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum, while everybody else patiently waited for her to give in to reason. It just drove her to be even more contrary. When she heard footsteps enter the room, she stayed still and pretended to sleep. If Yukari wanted to try convincing her to eat again, she could wait.

The voice that came wasn't Yukari's, though. It was Chen, speaking in a hushed tone. "Hey, Reimu. Reimu! Hey, wake up."

Reimu could see that she wasn't going to get anywhere by ignoring her. She rolled over enough to tilt her head toward Chen, and allowed her eyes to drift open. "What is it...?"

"Oh!" Chen looked down, fidgeting with something behind her back. "Are ya sick?"

"... more or less."

Chen nodded, and glanced hesitantly toward the door. "Lady Ran said I'm not supposed to bother you, but..." From behind her back, she pulled a colorful box and a stack of blank paper, and thrust them in Reimu's face. "Here!"

Reimu reached out to take the two, and at a prompting gesture from Chen, pushed the flap on the box open. Inside the box, twenty or so colored points, in various states of wear, poked out at her. "They're called crayons," Chen said. "You can use them to draw."

"Huh..." Chen was watching expectantly, so Reimu slid one of the crayons out and made a mark on the top sheet of paper. Not knowing what else to do, she smiled and said, "They're nice, thanks."

"I thought so! One time I was sick, and Lady Yukari got those for me, so I thought you might like 'em too!" Grinning proudly, Chen crossed her arms, with her tails giving excited little flicks behind her back. "Ran doesn't think of this kinda stuff. That's why she's got me around, you know?"

"Yeah..." Even after living with her for weeks, Reimu didn't quite know how to handle Chen. Or children in general, really. Marisa was the one who had ended up with half the fairies in Gensokyo treating her like a surrogate big sister. Reimu had never had the same gift, but after brief consideration, reached over and gave Chen a rewarding pat between the ears. "You should sneak out before Ran notices you're in here. I'll try to draw you something today, okay?"

Reimu had no idea of what to draw, but it was a welcome distraction from other matters. After doodling for an hour, she settled on scenery, a particular bend in the river where she liked to fish. It was supposed to be a gift for Chen, after all, and that was a safely neutral topic. Maybe Chen would appreciate the little fish that she'd doodled in the river, who knew.

It was a distracting enough exercise that she didn't notice the sound of footsteps approaching before the door slid open. This time, it was Yukari again. She was carrying another steaming bowl on a tray, with chopsticks laying across the top. "Good evening, Reimu."

"Evening..."

Reimu slid the crayons and paper aside, but not quickly enough. As Yukari sat down by her bedside, she bent over to peek at the drawing. "Hmm. In my experience, trees aren't so lumpy."

"My hands are still shaky," Reimu said, and pulled a sheet over the items. Turning back to Yukari, she prepared to tell her to leave, only to catch the smell of the food that she'd brought this time.

It was another meat dish... but the difference was instantly noticeable. Where the broth earlier had just made her hunger spike, this one threatened to push her into a frenzy. It was a warm, rich, heavy smell, one that put her senses on edge and sent her mouth watering. It took an act of will for her to keep herself in place and not rip the bowl out of Yukari's hands. "Th-that's...?"

"Human, yes," Yukari said. Dipping the chopsticks into the bowl, she fished out a few noodles. As she lifted them up, she continued, "Ramen, actually. Eating the bones is considered unfashionable these days, but Ran makes a wonderful stock with them. A bit like tonkotsu. It's better for the colder months, but..." She pulled the noodles to her lips and slurped them up, then let out a soft sigh of satisfaction. "... would you like a bite?"

Reimu's stomach churned, torn between hunger and disgust. "I already said no."

"Mmh, suit yourself."

As she uneasily watched Yukari slurp up a second bite, an even less pleasant thought occurred to Reimu. "That's not... in anything I've eaten here, is it?"

"Hmm? Oh, no. Most youkai don't need to eat much. We usually only have it once a month. But since it's a special occasion..."

"Ngh." Reimu pried her gaze away from the bowl, but the smell remained a constant presence tugging at her senses. Staring at the floor, she mumbled, "What was their name?"

"Excuse me?"

"Their name," Reimu repeated, louder this time. "The person that you're eating."

"I don't know. Do you know the name of every animal you've ever eaten?"

"That's not the same!"

"Is it?" Yukari paused to eat, hurrying to catch up before the noodles got soggy. From the corner of her eye, Reimu saw her pluck a piece of meat from the broth and pop it into her mouth. If she hadn't known, she would have thought it was pork or beef. "Animals can become gods or sentient youkai. Tewi used to be a normal rabbit, after all, and I seem to remember you enjoying rabbit stew a few times."

"That's... not the same."

"Ah, so it's different if you're closer to enlightenment? I trust that you won't complain if a celestial eats you, then." Yukari hefted another few noodles from her bowl, then paused thoughtfully. "I probably shouldn't joke about that. That Hinanawi girl just might have little enough sense to try it."

Reimu huffed and slid further down into bed again. "You know what I mean."

"Let's assume that I do, and that I don't actually know some very intelligent crows. What about it?"

"I-it's wrong! That's the point!"

"And yet, it's necessary." Yukari's voice grew more serious now. She drank the last of the broth from the bowl, then sat it down, with her chopsticks lined up neatly at the top of the tray. "As a human, you were able to choose whether or not to eat animals. As a youkai, you don't have the same luxury with regards to humans."

"I could just not eat."

"Mmh. You could."

"... what would happen?"

"Under normal circumstances, after going long enough without spiritual nourishment, a youkai who began life as a human would exhaust their energy and become a normal human again. But you're a shikigami. Your mind and spirit are nearly inseparable. If you go long enough without spiritual nourishment... you will most likely die. Or fall into a coma. It's hard to say."

Reimu let out a slow, measured breath. She'd expected something like that. Some cold, dutiful part of her brain, the one that kept her going during incidents when it was four AM and she hadn't had time to eat since breakfast, stepped in to take the reins. "How long is 'too long'?"

"A few months, maybe," Yukari said softly.

A few months. By July, she would probably be dead. In a coma. Gone, in any case. The only tiny glimmer of hope to the idea was that it meant that she didn't have to commit to anything just yet. "What if... I decided to do that? Just not eat?"

"If you're intent on that course of action," Yukari said, keeping her voice carefully neutral, "Ran and I will make you as comfortable as we can."

It seemed like the moral thing to do. Emotionally, Reimu couldn't find the will. She felt very tired, all of a sudden. "Whatever. I'll think about it," she sighed, once it was obvious that she wasn't going to be able to find it in herself to make a decision tonight. "Could you bring me something to eat? … something—"

"Without any human in it, I know." Yukari said. She pushed herself to standing and approached the bedside. Only once she was close did Reimu notice how much the conversation seemed to have exhausted her, too. Her smile was thin and tight. She can still see my emotions, too... The thought made a flash of guilt run through her. If Yukari had managed that sales pitch even after sampling Reimu's disgust for the idea, she was dedicated, at least. "Is there anything else that you'd like?"

Reimu glanced to her bookshelves. They were still sparsely populated, but she'd barely had time to crack most of the books on them yet. She supposed that she should get used to a lot of reading, if she was thinking about spending the rest of her life confined to bed. "I'm fine for now."

Yukari nodded. "I'll let you rest, then. If you need anything else, just let me know. Through telepathy, please. Ran and Chen will be sleeping soon."

"Uh-huh." Reimu sat in silence while Yukari gathered up her tray and now-empty bowl. As she headed toward the door, Reimu found herself speaking up again. "Um, Yukari?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry." Reimu wasn't accustomed to apologizing for her behavior, certainly not to youkai. The act left her feeling vulnerable. It felt necessary, though. This couldn't have been what Yukari had in mind when she'd made Reimu her shikigami, desperate or not. She was suddenly, acutely aware of how little it felt like she'd given back since Yukari had saved her life. "I mean... Thanks for putting up with me."

"Hmh? Reimu, dear, I'm millennia old. I think that you'll find that it takes much more than this to test my patience." After pushing the door open, Yukari gave her one last look. "Get your rest. I'll be back soon."