The Shrine of Gensokyo

Chapter 26: Of Judgement

Original Concept: Zun & Shanghai Alice

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Author's notes: So I didn't get flamed as much as I imagined.. or did you guys didn't notice what happened. Either way, i replied all reviews. But not for this chapter though.

And i think i got insulted, but maybe not. Meh.

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Oh right, Touhou doesn't belong to me. Or Touhou would never have an anime. And Yui Horie would be casted as Reimu.

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Where, where did it go wrong?

Where did I finally lose sight of my goal?

Was it when… she left?

Was it… when she came back?

Or… had it been this way… when I first came here?

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Why am I here… Why am I present in this stage?

Why must I endure all this pain, this suffering, this indignant fate?

Why must I gain hope only to lose it so easily?

WHY?

WHY!

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Have the gods forsaken me? Has… Lady Yasaka failed to protect me?

WHY?

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Even though she knew full well that a spirit with intense hatred will become an evil spirit, Kotiya Sanae, the Moriya Shrine Maiden still thread on this path… huh?

[… Hey, Sanae-chan, Wake up.]

[Huh?]

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Waking up on a small boat, Sanae blinked for a moment as she tried to get her bearings straight. Her mind was wonderfully clear and refreshed and the pain was all gone.

Touching herself all over, Sanae breathed a sigh of relief and of disappointment in discovering that she was whole again, her body intact and her alive.

[… where am I?]

Looking around, she finally spotted the hooded Ferryman that was slowly pushing the boat forward with her strong strokes on the small gondola.

[The River Styx, Sanae-chan. You're dead.]

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You're Dead.

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The sentence struck Sanae like a sledgehammer and she fell to her knees in shock and in some twisted way, in happiness.

[I'm dead? I… I crossed the other side?]

[… unfortunately, yep.]

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Removing the hood, the ferryman was revealed to be Onuzuka Komachi and she smiled sadly as she patted Sanae's head.

[Silly, silly girl… why did you… have to take your own life… It's not too late thou, Sanae-chan… we can still go back.]

Sounding very exasperated and sorrowful, Komachi hugged Sanae once before releasing her. The gondola, without Komachi's strong strokes, slowly drifted backwards while the two of them just stood apart from one another.

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[No… there is nothing for me there, Komachi… I…]

[…]

[There is nothing there but pain and sadness… living my life with the pain in my heart… I should never have thought of her that way… b-but I… I still… I don't want to live with that kind of life, Komachi…]

Sobbing into her hands, Sanae dropped to her knees and started wailing out loud, making Komachi's hair stand on end as she clamped her eyes shut in a bid to stop the cries from affecting her.

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[Honestly! Stop it! You have so much to live for Sanae!]

Bending down, Komachi slapped her hard on her face as she gestured to the surroundings. As if on cue, images of her past started to float out of the rushing water in the form of small bubbles.

Each small bubble showed a small part of Sanae's life and as the both of them watched, Sanae's expression slowly changed from sadness to one of reluctance.

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[I… I…]

[Sanae-chan, your life was not in vain… you have a long life ahead of you, it's too early to meet Yama-sama now!]

Patting her head, Komachi revealed to Sanae that she was going against Sikeiki's orders and was trying to persuade Sanae back.

The Death god of Gensokyo was at heart a girl after all and she would not want to see her friend die so soon and not being able to accomplish anything.

With her finger, she popped a bubble and it flashed white, showing Sanae her past more vividly.

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How her smile warmed that heart of all the visitors to the Shrine, how her daily acts of kindness at the Human Village made everyone just a little happier.

The Children too looked up to her in some way and they appreciated her effort in coming to visit them.

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[… No, it's not true… they just… want someone to come and help them… they did not recognize me… they only recognized her, the real Shrine Maiden of Gensokyo… STOP LYING TO ME!]

It was Sanae's turn to slap Komachi and she did it with such force that Komachi fell down on her butt in surprise.

[W-Wha?]

Rubbing her face, which was stinging from the slap, Komachi gave a deep sign before crossing her legs in an un-womanly like manner and starting to lecture Sanae.

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[Hey, Sanae-chan. I was being helpful here.]

[NO ONE ASKED YOU TO!]

Defiantly, Sanae snapped back at Komachi and looked away. In Komachi's eyes, Sanae was just stubborn and lost and… just shy of being a spoilt brat while in Sanae's eyes, Komachi was simply a busybody, poking her nose in someone else's business.

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Idiot…

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[Well, if you sure you wanna die, then that's your prob. Sikeiki won't be easy on ya, you know that?]

[…]

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With a small sigh, the death god resumed her task and started to push the gondola forward with a mighty 'HEAVE HO' with her scythe. Pulling her hood over her face, she quickly got into the rhythm of pushing the gondola forward and they made good progress in the first few minutes, which was spent in total silence.

Sanae, with her back facing Komachi, made no attempt for talk but pretty soon Komachi could not bear the silence and started speaking.

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[Ya know, it's taking quite a long time.]

[…]

[You sins must be huge, ya?]

[…. Yea…]

[… ya know, the greatest sin is to take one's life ya?]

[… maybe.]

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[Lady Sikeiki's real strict on that, she won't let them off. Even a murderer got a better chance of getting it off if he did good ya?]

[… mm…]

[…]

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Man she's stubborn.

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[A person who dies with hatred will become a vengeful spirit ya?]

[… mm…]

[Vengeful spirits are never reincarnated back to people ya?]

[mm…]

[They'll spend time in hell or have their spirits extinguished… ya?]

[mm…]

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[MAN WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YA! SANAE-CHAN!]

Stopping her actions, Komachi rushed forward to grab Sanae's shoulders and to shake her repeatedly.

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[YOU'RE DEAD! YOU TOOK YOUR OWN LIFE AND IS A VENGEFUL SPIRIT, SANAE-CHAN! Do you know the consequences of that? Yama-sama won't let you off easily, Sanae! Even with the amount of merits you did in your life, you won't be spared, Sanae!]

[… ya…]

[Sikeiki-chan goes by the book and she will judge you in black and white, Sanae! You… You'll…]

Shaking her head, Komachi tried not to think about the things that will befall Sanae as she desperately tried to persuade Sanae to not give up her life.

[Please Sanae-chan, there is still time. We can still go back!]

[… no… there is nothing for me… nothing as the Moriya Shrine Maiden… and nothing for Kotiya Sanae…]

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Lowering her head, Sanae never shed a single tear as she grabbed Komachi's hand and with her other hand, placed Komachi's scythe, which was sitting on the boat to her neck.

[Kill me, Komachi… extinguish my spirit if you do not want me to meet your mistress… she will understand… I know it…]

[Sa-Sanae-chan!]

The look of determination on Sanae's face shook Komachi to the core and she was at a loss of words. She had met countless of people during the course of her lifetime and this was not the first time that someone had requested for her own spirit to be extinguished. But it was the first she met that it seemed so unreasonable.

She was not due to die so young or to have her spirit extinguished according to the book.

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Her fate was twisted by her own mind…

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[No. I won't allow it. There are too many people waiting for you on the other side, Sanae.]

Shaking her head, Komachi slapped her again and this time, she threw her to the end of the gondola and started to turn the gondola around.

[W-What are you doing, Komachi! I, I don't want to go back! Stop!]

Crying out to her, Sanae settled down when she caught sight of the expression on Komachi's face.

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Why? Why would someone show that expression to someone like me?

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Turning to look at the river styx, Sanae was taken aback again when she saw her past again, this time reflecting on the river of the styx and she could clearly hear what was being said in her past, something that she had not heard before.

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Bless you, Kotiya-san… Thank you for saving my child…

Sanae onee-chan, can we go and play at the Shrine?

Kotiya-san, the harvest was as good as you predicted, thank you!

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Will you be my friend, Sanae?

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All those words made Sanae confused, were they not just wanting to borrow her power and not truly liking her?

Were they not taking her for granted and was just getting close to her for her powers?

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She recalled her reason for taking her own life:

The realization that everything she has strived for was in vain… and that, she had broken the Moriya Shrine Maiden values of having strong and unclean desires for her.

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[… I can never be forgiven for my crimes… I… could not bear the thought that I had achieved nothing after all… I am just worthless… no one will ever…]

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[Idiot. Look closer.]

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Hearing Komachi's harsh words, Sanae bristled but she looked harder anyway, deep into the clear waters of the Styx and she saw:

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[L-Lady Yasaka?]

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Sanae saw her patron goddess shadow looking over her all the time while she was carrying out her errands even thou it was her who had sent her out on her behalf.

She was like a shadow, always looking after her and taking care of her even in her deepest needs.

She saw too, that Lady Yasaka was the one who always watched over her when she was ill and the one who encouraged her to keep her faith even in the toughest of situations.

She loved Sanae and…

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[L-Lady Yasaka…]

She would grieve and lose herself the moment she left Lady Yasaka's side.

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Nonsense… she is using you as a tool to stay alive, Sanae.

You are the shrine maiden and the strongest believer in the Moriya Shrine…

Without you, she would likely perish and disappear…

She is just using you for her own survival!

Her love for you is born of necessity!

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A different voice inside Sanae told her that and she nodded her head in agreement to the devil's voice.

[Lady Yasaka would find a new Shrine Maiden… she would and forget about me later…]

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Turning her head away, she tried hard to ignore the image of Lady Yasaka sobbing at her tomb being reflected by the River Styx, showing her future if she continued on this path.

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Jump from here…

There is nothing the Death God can do if you do that…

Jump…

And all your worries will be gone, gone with the wind…

Jump Sanae, Jump…

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[Yea…]

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Jump…

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[Jump… huh?]

Slowly standing up, Sanae looked to see that Komachi was too engrossed in steering to notice her and she smiled slightly and said her goodbyes to her.

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[Thank you for trying to help, Komachi… but there truly is nothing for me…]

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Jump…

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[yea… jump…]

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[…]

I opened my eyes to see Yama-sama, Lady Sikeiki staring down at me, her eyes not showing any expression at all and I shuddered to think of the judgment that would be placed on me.

A bonus however was that suddenly, all the deceased had disappeared in the instant that I had opened my eyes.

Almost as if they had forgiven me, I felt a weight lift of my shoulders and I smiled a little.

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Taking their dreams away from them was what I did, but at the same time, I had pledged to live on, stronger then ever for their sake.

In a way, I had taken their lives to lengthen mine… but, I was still, a murderer.

A mass murderer being judged by the Yama-sama and as her expression grew sterner and sterner by the second, it did not appear to be going very well for me.

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[Defendant, Hakurei Reimu.]

[Yes, Yama-sama…]

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Lowering my head, I knelt down and awaited my judgment to come from her.

She was right after all, the power to see things in black and white, from right and wrong is undeniable and I will bear the judgment wholly on my shoulders.

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[Listen well, for I shall not repeat myself. I, with the powers bequeath on me, shall deliver the judgment on you, the one named as the Hakurei Shrine Maiden of Gensokyo, Hakurei Reimu.]

[Yes, Yama-sama…]

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[For one to be judged a murderer, one must be guilty of taking a life of another person that one recognizes as sentient and is on the same level as one. This, frees you, defendant Hakurei Reimu from being called a murderer when one kills for survival.

Thus, one is not guilty for slaying and consuming meat.]

[… y-yes?]

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Allowing a little smile to grace her features, I felt my spirits soar a little as she allowed that small joke to lighten the mood just a little.

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[Yet, you are a unique case, Hakurei Reimu. You, who claim to be the Hakurei Shrine Maiden, had slain countless youkai fairies on the course of your life.

A small appeal placed on your behalf by the statements of all the people in Gensokyo states that Hakurei Reimu from the ages of one to sixteen is not to be confused with the Hakurei Reimu that existed from the age of sixteen to your current age of thirty.]

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[That alone, makes you a unique case as your beliefs has migrated southwards, as I would like to stress.]

[Hakurei Reimu, at the age of twelve to the age of sixteen, you had slain countless youkai… if, I were to count you accountable for that, you would have to first recognize that youkai exists in the same level of sentience as you do, which; at the age of twelve to sixteen, you did not and thus, you are not a murderer.]

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[However, if we were to hold you accountable at this age, at this time of your belief, you will be held as a mass murderer.

Charged with causing the deaths of countless youkai fairies, most of which is done in cold blood. As one who claims to bridge the gap between youkai and humans, you are the person responsible for the deaths of so many fairies, whom you claim as being similar to humans.]

Slamming the convincement rod on the table, I winced when chains started to coil tightly around me again, surely a bad sign.

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[I repeat myself, Hakurei Reimu, you are a murderer, killing hundreds and thousands of fairies, a life form you claim as similar to humans. Do you, or do you not accept the judgment placed by me?]

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I held my breath uneasily but the answer was clear from the start.

Lady Sikeiki was the judge of souls and there was no mistaking that I, if she claimed, killed youkai fairies by the truck load, is guilty of such a crime.

To be honest, I was horrified at my own actions, my previous self's action…

But as explained by Lady Sikeiki, I, at that time did not have the same belief as me… thus my actions when I was younger. But, the undeniably truth was that my hands were stained with blood from those fairies.

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If I did not accept her decision, I would be contradicting my own statement in claiming that youkai fairies were not similar to me.

The decision was there from the start.

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Responsibility for my own actions, even if it was something that I had not remembered.

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[Yes.]

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[…]

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The chains fell away and Lady Sikeiki sounded quite pleased with my reply, something I took to heart.

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[In light of your acceptance, I shall review the rest of the appeals from the statements from your past…]

It took a long time but I was patient as Lady Sikeiki reviewed to me the cases one by one on the statements from my past.

They range from spoken and written words of thanks from the people, to the pain and suffering being told straight from the youkai's point of view.

I was being evenly hated and loved by the people of Gensokyo and the people of the human world.

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[You did those actions in self defense of the people of Gensokyo…

Done in cold blood where this action can be carried out in another manner, Hakurei Reimu.

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An act of kindness that cannot be overlooked, Hakurei Reimu.

This life was taken not be necessity, Hakurei Reimu.

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Yet, this action can be said to be commendable, making the effort to avoid this circumstance.

Clearly, the fault still lies with you, Hakurei Reimu…]

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Many statements were reviewed and told to me, a process that seemed a lifetime and in a blink of an eye at the same time.

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[Hakurei Reimu.]

[Yes, Yama-sama?]

I had remained silent during the entire process while she was reviewing her case and by now, I was anxious to hear what her final judgment on me was. It was an emotional roller coaster ride for me, with Lady Sikeiki speaking about my merits and about my sins a second later.

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[May the great Hakurei Spirit bless… me?]

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[There will be, no blessings for you, Hakurei Reimu.]

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All of a sudden, the lights went out and I was facing nothing but darkness. I tried to move but apparently, chains had once more tied around me without me noticing and were restraining me.

I felt my heart jump up to my throat and I swallowed nervously at the prospect of facing an unknown fate in the darkness.

At the least, I wanted to know how and who will be the one responsible for my end.

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[Hakurei Reimu, your judgment will be…]

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As if mocking me, Lady Sikeiki paused and the awkward silence that followed made my heart beat faster and for adrenaline to pump through my veins even more.

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[Postponed..]

[H-Huh?]

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The darkness receded and when that happened, I found myself back in the tiny room right in the middle of the Moriya Shrine with Lady Sikeiki sitting peacefully in front of me.

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[Your judgment is postponed, Hakurei Reimu.]

Calmly sipping tea, Lady Sikeiki noticed me staring in utter disbelief at her and she smiled a little before sticking her nose up a little, showing a little haughtiness to me

[Y-Yama-sama, b-but why? I- I…]

[Do you want to be sentenced, now?]

[N-No, of course not now but… but…]

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Waving my hands frantically in front of me, I must have made a fool of myself as lady Sikeiki laughed at my expression as she offered some tea to me.

[Here, have some tea and calm yourself down, Hakurei.]

[T-Thank you…]

Embarrassed, I nodded and sipped the tea as if it was the most aromatic tea in the world, savoring every drop as if it was my last thing I would ever taste.

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[Thank you for your testimonials…]

Snapping back to reality when I heard her voice, I blinked in surprise when I saw Lady Sikeiki speaking with my two companions. Contrary to how they behaved in front of Lady Yasaka, the two of them were eager and friendly with Lady Sikeiki, even playing with her hair and making her giggle with their antics.

To think that the fairies would be so accustomed to the Judge of Death and not to a resident goddess just boggles my mind and I sat, thunderstruck at that scene.

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[This will count in your favor, Hakurei…]

Ending the conversation with them, Lady Sikeiki took another sip of tea before staring earnestly at me, trying to gauge a response from me but I just sat there, like a cat had bitten my tongue even as my two companions returned to my side.

[Those two, are really very likeable fairies, Hakurei. You should cherish their company like they treasure yours.]

[Yes, Lady Sikeiki… erm…]

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Mustering my courage, I pointedly asked her about why the fairies seemed so familiar with Lady Sikeiki and she replied very casually.

[They have seen me before, countless times in fact.]

[Eh?]

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That was news to me and I looked quizzically at them only to gather some feelings of confusion and then nothing yet again.

They seemed to have settled down quite easily with her and I found it pointless to pursue the issue further.

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[Souls are always recycled, even yours. But for small spirits like fairies, their souls are never recycled and they retain memories from their previous lives.

When they die, they reappear the other day with the same memories and the same powers. This, is consistent with all fairies but is not the same for stronger youkai who has personalities.]

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[Ah… our personalities makes us difference, is that right, Lady Sikeiki?]

[That is accurate, Hakurei Reimu. A soul's personality is not born or is it made, it is influenced by one's development, inside or outside the womb. With fairies, that differs as there is no development in their lives.

Born whole and not to change and with limited, if any intelligence at all, fairies are the purest of souls, purest of hearts and yet, the weakest of bodies.]

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Lecturing me, Lady Sikeiki patted the fairies head before telling me that the only exception to this rule was the Elder Youkai.

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[Youkai like Letty Whiterock and Lily White will reincarnate indefinitely even if they are killed with their personalities intact as they are part of Gensokyo. The embodiment of winter and embodiment of spring will appear and disappear with the seasons, never to disappear till the seasons do as well.]

[Then, Lady Sikeiki… what about youkai like… Remilia and Flan?]

[If they reach me, their souls will be recycled and their personalities erased, same as every other youkai in the world.]

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[I am the end of all things, the Judge of Souls, the Judge of Virtues… If you pass me, you will reach the other three judges. Fail and you shall be erased from this world, your soul returned to the great cycle as my judgment decrees.

You, Hakurei Reimu, have your sentenced postponed due to the fact that, it is not your time to leave this world of the living and to join the realm of the dead.]

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Narrowing her eyes, Lady Sikeiki returned to her stern demeanor as my two companions sat on each of her shoulders like guardians for her.

Her shadow elongated to cover the whole room and a part of me as she stood up, menacing with her convincement rod and the portal of hell that just as suddenly appeared behind her.

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[But, may this be a warning and encouragement to you, Hakurei Reimu. My judgment on you is not set in stone.

It may or may not change in time as you live your life, Hakurei Reimu. It may be swift or may be slow, but have no doubt; your judgment is never final. Your actions shall vary your judgment, Hakurei Reimu.]

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[Your sins are present but so is your merits. Do not allow your sins to cast a shadow on your life, Hakurei Reimu.

Do not allow yourself to be complacent in your actions due to your merits.

Do not lose yourself in your despair over the amount of sins that I have seen in your soul, nor be reckless in the light of your merits.

It takes just a small stain on your soul to damn you to hell for all of eternity, Shrine Maiden of the Hakurei Spirit. This, is your final warning.]

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Sternly, Lady Sikeiki ended her lecture by rapping my head with her convincement rod and with a small, sad smile on her face, slowly faded away from view.

[I shall, take my leave now. Live your life fully and live the way you choose, Hakurei Reimu.]

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[Yama-sama! I have just one question!]

Standing up, I scrambled to my feet to grab her rapidly fading form to ask her one final question.

[Is the path that I am threading now right? Is my actions justified? Yama-sama!]

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[… …]

She never offered an answer, as Lady Sikeiki simply disappeared with the wind with a sad smile on her face.

[…]

Author's Notes: If anyone asked me how i wrote it, i'll just shrug

R&R!