The Shrine of Gensokyo: Gensokyo No Ginja
Chapter 43: Their Combined Fate
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Original Concept by: ZUN & Shanghai Alice
Written by: wrathie
Author's Note: My muse is crazy.
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[…no…]
I moaned softly to as the realization of what happened hit home.
Reimu is gone, she's gone… and I felt my knees weaken and I fell down in a swoon till Sakuya caught me.
[No… NO!]
I screamed in defiance as I pushed all who was in my way, getting to Reimu, who was being held by a wordless Suika.
No, not wordlessly, soulless Suika would be a better word as she just held Reimu limply in her hands, her eyes just staring at Reimu and barely breathing.
[Suika, Suika!]
I called out to her and I slapped her in the face repeatedly.
[It's not true right? Reimu is, she's fine right? She's just sleeping… Right? ANSWER ME!]
I screamed at Suika and it was agonizing and painful to watch as a solitary tear dropped from her eyes as she lowered and shook her head.
[No…]
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[NO!]
Grabbing Reimu from her, I pushed her away before lightly slapping Reimu in the cheek, trying to rouse her.
[Reimu, Reimu! REIMU!]
She was not responding, this is not true… No…
Her body is still warm.. she must be sleeping…
[Reimu, wake up… do not toy with me… Reimu! Reimu! WAKE UP, REIMU!]
My hands slowly stopped as there was no response from her and I slipped into denial… my mind and body numb.
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[this… is a joke right? Sakuya, where have Reimu hidden? This is a joke… I am not amused… stop with this affair… Sakuya?]
I pleadingly looked at Sakuya and she looked away, her eyes reflecting her emotions, confused and hesitant. She did not know what to say? But this, this must be some joke? She can't have died… she can't be…
[… I'm sorry, Mistress…]
Gently with her hands, she pried my hands away from her lifeless body but every ounce of my resisted her comfort.
[NO! THIS IS A LIE!]
Stamping the floor in defiance, I looked to Suika and everyone else but all of them wore the same look on their face.
[No… NO… NO!]
[STOP IT!]
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A punch struck me across the face and I released Reimu, only for her to be caught by Suika, who was shedding tears even as she screamed at me.
[J-Just stop it… Remilia… Stop it…]
She looked at me and I at her, I saw a reflection of myself in the oni, endless sorrow and disbelief and I hugged her tightly after she place Reimu on the floor again.
[I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I shouldn't… shouldn't have…]
[… mm… I know…]
I cried with her, together in each other's arms as we shared the same sorrow, the same lost and the same pain.
Needless to say the rest were the same, we were devastated… Reimu, she really is gone…
My power over fate… what good is it, if I cannot prevent that? Was her fate… to advert fate… finally went against her?
Oh Reimu… Why?
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I admit, I had not foreseen this turn of events at all…
Sitting at the corner of the room where they had laid Reimu to rest… quite literally, I watched as the people of Gensokyo came and paid their respects to her.
Sitting at her sides were Suika and Remi… both of them were …devastated… words could not accurately describe the feeling of pain and anguish… it is like losing a member of the family only much much worst for them.
For us youkai, who lives long lives… parting with someone can be very tough, made especially so when the person in particular was your savior and the other your only family for thousands of years.
Likewise, I felt profound sadness and regret at not being able to do more…
The moment the skies cleared, I was euphoric and overwhelmed with relief at her being able to, once again overcome the darkness and evil of the world… When she returned, relatively unscathed with Marisa, I found myself beside myself with joy but perhaps… it is like they said…
One can never get both sides of the coin in a single coin-flip.
To gain something… something else must be given up in exchange. This is true in dealing with magicks… take the Philosopher's Stone for example, my best artifact… … one who knows me know how much I have given up for that powerful gem…
[… like winning the battle… but losing the war…]
I remarked to the Lunarian Brain, who likewise was sitting with me, an unreadable expression on her face.
[… yes. Perhaps. She was magnificent, one who can change and affect so many around her. I have not seen one like her in generations.]
She mused to herself before suddenly offering me a cup.
[Here… drink away your sorrows…]
[…]
I looked at it for a moment, my health normally does not allow such substances to enter my body…
[… just… today.]
But I took it anyway, yes… now is the time to drink away the sorrows in one fell swoop.
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[… I'm sorry, Suika…]
I looked at the peaceful face of Reimu as I offered a prayer to her still form with Yasaka-sama by my side.
[… You were brave, Reimu. You were, till the end.]
Yasaka-sama, with a grim smile on her face, stroked Reimu's face and kissed her forehead.
[… Suika. If you need help don't hesitate to ask.]
I looked at Suika but it was obvious that Suika was not paying attention to anything. Her mind was elsewhere but her hand never once let go of Reimu's…
I felt envious again, Reimu had such a strong bond with Suika despite the many years of them being separate and it was the same case with Remilia Scarlet.
She too was in a different world, her face was sullen and the confident smirk on her face was gone. It was like the world has ended but for the two of them… I'm afraid it really looked like it was the truth too.
[…]
I lowered my head and prayed for the Yama-sama to let Reimu ascend to heaven before I stood up and bowed to her.
[… Thank you, Reimu… for helping me… and for, what you have done…]
I fought back tears before Yasaka-sama led me away.
[Yasaka-sama…]
[yes, Sanae?]
[… can I… sometimes… come and help out at the Hakurei Shrine…]
[…]
It was something that was blasphemous but if I had Yasaka-sama's permission perhaps it would be fine.
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[… No.]
[… Please… Yasaka-sama. I want to.]
I looked at her again and asked, this time more firmly and she smiled and stroked my hair.
[Only if you go there often… even if it is just to visit.]
She smiled at me and nodded.
[Thank you.]
I meant what I said... I, I really wanted to... be friends with you again...
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[… DAMN.]
I swore loudly at the backyard of the Shrine while I cursed my helplessness… I could not do anything, again… not even when I made up my mind to.
[Mokou…]
Keine and Kaguya both hovered worriedly behind me while I took out my frustration on the surrounding rocks, crushing them with my bare fist.
[Mokou, stop…]
[… No… I don't want to…]
[You'll hurt yourself…]
[I'm immortal!]
I spun around, anger in my eyes at the two of them, who flinched and looked down.
[Reimu she…]
[What about Reimu?]
I spat venom with each line and although I felt bad for Keine and Kaguya, who were trying to calm me down, I could not help myself. I hate myself, I hate everyone… I hate Reimu… why would you not let me do anything, something? Why?
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[She… wouldn't want anyone to feel that way…]
[HOW WOULD YOU KNOW!]
I snapped at the both of them and immediately regretted it as they shrank back in fear but still I could not help it… the anger is consuming me from the inside out.
I WANTED TO TAKE REVENGE FOR HER!
[HOW WOULD YOU KNOW!]
[…]
They looked at one another and produced two little things that made my anger dissipate almost instantaneous.
[…]
The two little fairies that were with Reimu, they sat on their palms as they looked at me, their wings fluttering weakly.
[… they turned up a while after Reimu… she…]
Kaguya couldn't finish her sentence but Keine did, she had more experience after all.
[… they wanted to see her… … but they seemed to know what happened too…]
[… I'm sorry…]
My anger subsided, I nodded my head and apologized to the two of them. They were right, Reimu wouldn't want us to do that, not for us to question ourselves...
The two little things, who now was flying around Keine , were proof of that. She had saved the two of them even when she was struggling to save herself…
Maybe she even sacrificed herself for them… Reimu she, just wanted to save Gensokyo… that's all… not giving a care about herself.
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[… heh… she might be happier this way… huh…]
I asked the two fairies, who looked at one another before fluttering and landing on my shoulders, almost as if they were saying yes.
[… …]
I sighed while looking down at Gensokyo, Gensokyo at it's most beautiful and I vowed that I would protect this land with all my power for all of eternity.
[I'll do it for you, Reimu…]
[… I too.]
Keine stood beside me and held my hand when Kaguya she too slid beside me and shyly muttered.
[I… If I can help too…]
[… who needs your help, feh.]
Shaking my head, I was actually… a little thankful… now that I and Keine had a reason to be happy, for the youkai and the humans now understood each other, even if only a little.
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[… he'll be happy too, right, Keine?]
[… he will…]
Taking off her hat, the three of us just enjoyed the solitude for as long as we can.
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I looked on as the people of Gensokyo, both human and youkai came to pay respect to the Hakurei Shrine Maiden and I, invisible to all but one, sat on the roof with the other one.
[…]
[… well… was this what you were expecting?]
I questioned her as I took off my hat. I wished I could pay my respect to her as well. For her to do the impossible, to be a vessel to her, of all things.
Even when I was hoping for a miracle, that was by itself a miracle… That was no spell… it was an invocation to summon someone of a much higher plane than her and just to top it off, she pulled it off in the first try without any prior training or experience.
The person whom I was asking the question to sat quietly as she looked down at the queue that was slowly getting bigger and bigger as the news spread. I could hear people crying out in disbelief and many more expressing their sorrows through their tears.
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[… well? You aren't going to tell me you didn't know now, are you?]
I growled at her when she suddenly floated up to a comfortable height above the shine. She held her arms out and smiled brightly, just like what Reimu did.
[… the Hakurei Shrine Maiden, never falls… had you forgotten?]
[She's DEAD DAMNIT! DEAD! And no more of your riddles!]
[Calm yourself, Moriya.]
[Calm MYSELF?]
[You are frustrated, the Shrine Maiden serving you has not awaken, her eyes not seeing the truth… yet…]
[… … I know that… but so has yours…]
[…. There is still time, for both of us…]
She smiled warmly as I sighed in bitterness at this women getting the better of her.
[One day, I will figure out what you mean… I mean it…]
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[… damnit]
I swore as I drunk a cup of sake. This wasn't part of it at all, man this wasn't part of the plan at all…
[Marisa…]
I looked at Alice and Flan, Alice was stroking Flan's head while looking at Reimu's still form. Flan is still a little too young to understand death… meh, I was probably underestimating her, she's probably around 500 years old now.
[… why is Reimu not moving?]
Probably not, she'd never seen someone die naturally I guess…
[she's… she's… gone to heaven…]
Alice tried to reassure her but heaven is not the right word to use.
[Hell you mean, she went to hell.]
[Marisa!]
[To Vamps… going to hell is good, right Flan?]
[Mm? I don't know… is Hell fun? Is heaven Flan?]
Her innocence made us look at her for a while, unsure what to say before I burst out laughing.
Man that Flan, she sure knows how to kill the mood…
[Who knows da ze… who knows.]
I remember the Yama's words and I took them seriously, now's not the time for me to die… not for some time at least…
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[Well, we will see, Kirisame Marisa. You've placed a lot of burden on your shoulders… but your determination… it intrigues me.]
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[… Well, looks like she's as good as ever, huh, Alice?]
Alice looked surprised but she nodded her head to.
[Yes, she is as skilled and compassionate as always, is that not right, Shanghai?]
Shanghai nodded as she flew towards me, with a single touch I knew Shanghai was different and I looked at Alice, who was still patting Flan's head.
Did she finally did it?
[… You've succeeded huh?]
I pat Shanghai's head but Alice shook her head, saying I was wrong.
[You have to be corrected, Marisa, it is Reimu, she gave Shanghai and me… a new lease of life.]
[… as expected of her, ze… she's… always the one yea?]
I felt bitter, Reimu is awesome as always but that really made me… well, bitter and frustrated and unhappy and… god damn I'm pissed.
It's just like the Yama said… am I just chopped liver? Am I just, the side kick? Man I'm a heroine too, I saved Gensokyo too… but Reimu… God damn her… she's not even rusty after so long, even after fourteen years she's still the best.
…. What about all the training I did? Was it not worth anything at all?...
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Gritting my teeth, I looked at the mini-hakkero, now hanging around my neck and I took a deep breath, ran out to the woods surrounding the Shrine and screamed loudly.
[REIMU, SCREW YOU!]
Repeatedly I shouted it out to vent my frustration.
[SCREW YOU ZE! WHY HUH? YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY!]
She just left. AGAIN, what am I, the cleaner? Do I have to clean up this mess like what I did earlier? Huh?
[YOU'RE RUNNING AWAY AGAIN, HUH? HUH? ANSWER ME ZE!]
It's hard when everyone is depending on you ze, I knew that, I should know. I've taken that role for a long time after you went, Reimu. I know the pressure and all… but I knew too… the harder part was…
Turning back, I saw Alice standing in front of me and she was struggling not to cry now that Flandre was sleeping peacefully at the Shrine.
[… Marisa.]
[Don't you cry, Alice. Don't you dare. We're left behind again.]
[… Oh Marisa…]
She hugged me and I hugged her back, she's a strong girl, Alice… she always has been. She's always alone by herself, coming by herself from Makai and living here. She's a strong girl… like me, we must be.
[We must be strong… it's hard to save the world ze… but it's even harder to live on without her… right?]
I grinned while releasing Alice. We'll have the harder task of rebuilding our lives after this.
She's good, isn't she? Shattering the Gensokyo we know, whether for good or worst I don't know…
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[Just like her, don't cha think…to do things her way, without giving a care to anyone else, yea Alice?]
[… yes, it is just like her. Too like her, I am afraid to say… but it is not just her.]
[Yea…]
It's the other half of the team too, Yukari. She's gone… just like she said she will.
[… Well she is the one…]
[Behind the curtain, she can be evil… and she can be good, at the same time, is that not right, Marisa?]
[… yea]
I grinned and Alice shyly smiled back at me. The border team, huh? Suika coined that to describe the two of them a long time ago, when we were young, Alice was still a loner and Yukari didn't sleep that long…
Yea, that was the time.
[… but we're the Magic team, right Alice?]
[Yes, and we still are.]
[… Not that it matters much.]
[Indeed]
We chuckled and I felt something lift of my heart. It's like what Satori told me before, my heart was burdened with something and by chatting honestly with Alice, it's like it was lifted off me.
[I'll just do what's expected of me too. No matter what.]
[… and so will I, together with Shanghai, I must not let Reimu down.]
[Hell yea, we'll live for her too.]
[… Marisa you're living too much for everyone… ahaha]
Alice giggled but stopped when I pulled her hair.
[hey, Marisa!]
[Uh huh? Well you're living too LITTLE for a person so you can't blame me, yea?]
[Marisa!]
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[…]
I stood behind of Yama-sama as she led me down a completely white hallway, I wonder what it meant… being all white and all.
[Hakurei Reimu. As I promised your judgment is behind these doors.]
[eh?]
On cue, two doors appeared behind her and I swallowed nervously.
[Regardless of your virtues and your sins, you will reap both the rewards and the punishment for your actions. Now, Hakurei Reimu. Choose your first destination…]
She stepped aside while the two doors beckoned to me. One was black and the other was white…
Upon resting a hand on the black door, my knees buckled and me falling on them as the sensation of pain I felt was too great. The pain was indescribable… and I felt tears forming in my eyes again from the intense pain.
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[Hakurei Reimu, that is the sensation of the suffering you brought upon others… you shall experience all of them first if you enter this door.
Likewise, if you enter it second… you will experience them after the second door.]
She helped me up, before pushing me towards the other door.
[…]
This time, I was prepared and I braced myself before resting a hand on it as well.
[Ah…]
It was the opposite of the other door as expected… it was the feeling of peace and bliss… I felt all warm and fuzzy inside and a smile appeared on my face even after my hand left that door.
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[Hakurei Reimu; that is the sensation of happiness, bliss and joy you brought upon others. Likewise you will experience them at your leisure.]
The Yama tapped her convincement rod in her hands before muttering to you.
[Hakurei, although time is of the essence for you, time is not the same for me. I will leave you here to decide your own fate. Choose wisely, Hakurei.]
With a nod to me and a last bow, which I returned, the Yama disappeared in a flash of blinding light, leaving me alone with the two doors and nowhere else to go.
[… so, this is it… huh?]
The judgment that was laid and given to me was different than what I had expected… instead of experiencing death and hell… it would be death and hell together…
[… did I ever believed in hell or heaven?]
I asked myself but I shrugged soon after, it was not for me to decide what lies after death…
[… lend me your strength, please… Great Hakurei Spirit… your servant… needs it…]
I prayed softly before I looked at the two doors in front of me. I could just make out, in my mind eye's what lies behind the two doors.
One, in which I would undergo suffering for the people I have hurt and killed… I would most likely go through what they felt at that time… it would be terrible but…
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[… I would know… I would be stronger from the experience…]
Knowing how they felt, knowing why it hurt and know what hurts… might just tell me, why and how I could make amends…
I would be able to tell them that I do know what they went through… I would know how to appease them… how to… seek forgiveness… even if it is painful…
I shivered in the anticipation of the pain that I would be feeling from the experience but… the realization that I would learn from that is tempting too…
[…]
The other door would simply grant me peace and bliss, something which would be nice and something that I would appreciate, with the burden of my shoulders and the knowledge that I had indeed save gensokyo giving me peace, I could use the time to… pamper myself a little…
Even thinking that thought made me blush and hit myself in embarrassment and in shame.
I should never think of myself first… but… it is tempting..
I smiled a little but I knew that it too would make me complacent.
[… Although it might be nice… It'd would be nice if I can alternate between them… ahah…]
I laughed nervously while shaking my head. It is foolish of me, I do not own my fate here and neither can I control what is beyond those doors…
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So… which door?
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I asked myself this as I looked from one to another… it is indeed a hard decision to make.
Both doors granted possibilities to me… but it was the order that made me think hard on which one should I choose…
[I will let you decide your own fate…]
The yama's word suddenly echoed in my mind and I started suddenly.
Did I not admit that my fate is no longer in my hands? Was I not dead and in the hands of the Yama? Why… why do I still have the power to decide my own fate?
I pondered upon it for a moment and then…
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[Have strength, dear heart…]
I heard a voice, a women's voice as I stepped forward, my hands trembling as I reached out to the door that was the one for me.
The door that gave me the chance to face my punishment but at the same time, accept my rewards… the door that was not there and yet was there at the same time.
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[…]
At the space between the two doors, I grabbed the knob and swung the door open before stepping into the place that awaited me there.
It is like I said, it is the place that was for me, waiting for me and the place I should be now… I have chosen my fate… I will not have heaven nor hell… even if it is offered to me.
What I want to do, what I want to serve… what I want to experience, what I want to know… all of them, comes from the place and the realm that has both of them at the same time.
The place where it is not paradise nor is it hell, the place where I can feel joy as well as pain… the place where I can do good as well as do evil…
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… would you care… to guess where it is?
I smiled softly and chuckled as the door closed behind me, the light from the place beyond the door blinding me.
Silly me… I could be here… all the time…
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[… So, you have indeed found the door, Hakurei.]
I turned and saw the Yama looking and nodding at me from the slowly fading door. Her visage disappearing with it, I saw them smile and nod their heads.
[Although this is not unprecedented… Being able to traverse through this door, is defying fate itself.
Regardless… your sins and virtues shall be wiped cleaned from the moment on. Be mindful of your actions, Hakurei… we will see each other again.]
Before she faded from view however, I bowed to her and shouted.
[Thank you, Yama-sama… thank you… you have cleared my doubts… thank you…]
My heart felt lighter than before, it was like I said, I am no longer confused by who I am, what am I supposed to do any longer.
My actions, no matter what they were can not be justified by only me… in the end, at the end of the line… it belongs to both parties… all I can do, is to not falter in my resolve, in my decisions and to never lose sight of myself, my beliefs and what is right…
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[…so now… what should I say? Thank you? Or.. I am sorry?]
Author's Notes: The Proper Ending this is not!