Steward Of Paradise At Work

by Tall-Gothic-Guy

I didn't come here to meet shrine maidens or monsters. I didn't come here to erect a cross. No one even told me about magic being a thing here. Actually, I didn't expect myself to be here at all. I was simply chasing a woman who created eye portals. But it beats being a runaway thief. I just wish I knew sooner, that this place will never give me a break, not even God...Bring it on.

28. Memento Mori Indeed

She can still smell it. Her species' sense of smell might be the very worst compared to other predators, especially to the bear with the most powerful nose, but she is very sure of this trail. The indescribable smell, intoxicating and entrancing, along with the scent of warm water and funny smoke. The preys, both sky and land-dwelling, are also entranced by the smell as her. None of them were so invested in seeking its source, not like her.

It even made hunting easy, drawing prey towards it like a bee to a flower while paying little attention to her sneaking up on them, and it's never easy before. Her white coating can't help her hide in the environment, she had very little experience in hunting as well, and she had been stuck inside a square entrapment all her life. The only successful hunt prior to now was a single human dozens of moons ago, and it held little reward besides the fact that she was free from sheltered living under the care of hairless monkeys and fed to last for a single day.

Her obsession to this scent had been growing, little by little each day, and its making her become even more belligerent for the lack of progress. She can't track it, and she doesn't know if she's getting further away or coming closer to it. Caterwauling for some sort of help did nothing of the sort. She's either met with silence or the sound of living creatures running away from her.

Her nose nearly grazing the ground as she continued to track the scent, it slowly became faint, barely little of its unique smell reaching her nose, and then it was gone. She raised her head up, she looked around her to realize that she had ended up in the same spot she started. Yet another failed attempt.

In a fit of rage, she roared and raked her claws across the bark of the nearest tree, leaving large trenches on the surface. Her roaring turning into subdued but expressive growls, she continued to vent out on the unfortunate plantlife with little care to the fact that every woodland prey was skittering or flying away from her current location as they identified the presence of a predator. It was common sense to never make noise as a hunter, but she was too angry and annoyed to care for food.

She barely qualified as a hunter in this kind of environment anyway.

If only she had her human body back…

"A tiger?"

She snapped towards the song, letting out an intimidating growl as she glared at the owner. A She-Primate, with pink fur on the head and a false right paw.

"Hey now." The She-primate held up its paws, expressing submission and diplomacy. "It's okay, girl, I'm not going to hurt you."

She stopped growling, but she is still suspicious. Confrontation with primates and not-primates never ended well, and she's not going to start assuming that this won't end like the last one.

"I heard you calling for help, so I came." The She-Primate approached carefully, hands remained held up as the warm song continued to flow from its mouth. "Are you frightened? Are you hungry? Do you need protection?"

The song was strangely comforting, easing her nerves and relaxing the built-up tension from her body. The She-Primate was close to her, and she oddly did not mind the proximity, instead finding security in the same space as it, even when its false paw was nearing her snout.

She released a groan, leaning into the paw and accepting the wonderful sensations wrought from the scratching behind her ears.

"There, we're friends now. So…" The She-Primate lowered its lower legs' joint against the ground, offering her a peculiar red fruit which she accepted and ate. "…will you tell me what's wrong?"

Swallowing the treat, she answered. She retold of everything she went through, from past to present. Born from a pureblood tiger with the proper camouflage coating and later taken away by other primates in her juvenile years. Sometimes, she was fed, put in a small box, and later sometimes let loose to be stared at by other primates.

"Raised in captivity, I see. You don't sound appreciative though."

She expressed delight over being understood, affirming the claim as she retold the times she was sometimes neglected, left starving until the ones who 'raised' her either heard her caterwauling or had enough of it.

"I see….not very caring owners, were they?"

She affirmed again, remarking that she had her vengeance when her cage somehow wasn't locked and retaliated against her captors. The next day after that, she ended up in some place she didn't recognize. Not only that, she had become Man itself. The same flesh of the ones who took her from her mother and put her in a cage.

The experience was, however, short-lived. After merely a week or so, a bright rain fell on the Cloudy Lake, and she was struck by in the middle of it. It burned at first, but later, she was back to being a tiger, down on four legs instead of two and her paws were no longer long and dexterous along with opposable thumbs.

"My…what an interesting little life…" There was wonderment in the She-Primate's song. "Once having a human body…a Youkai then. Can you tell me more about this 'bright rain'?"

She answered the inquiry, adding several other details from what she saw and felt. She recalled the odd pressure in the air, the colors she saw, and how everything smelled like, especially the scent of warm water and funny smoke that enticed her as well as every other animal.

"Oh my goodness…." The She-Primate's other paw held its lower jaw with a single dexterous digit. "…how did Eman-san manage this without me? But if it's with the Holy Spirit then I guess it's not surprising. Maybe he hit you by accident….."

She moaned, telling of her desire to see the source of the smell. She wanted to smell it again, and the many times in the past few weeks she caught sight of the bright lights again from some distance away, she had failed to reach in time before the owner left. The prey liked the smell, the other predators liked it too, but she couldn't track it. It was impossible.

Her loss of patience had led her to killing a not-primate at some point out of irritation. Something with four long arms, two long legs, and a long neck just like a snake. Smelled like a snake too. She was too annoyed to eat it and left the corpse lying there at a road.

"Had you eaten that nomori, you would've turned back into a Youkai again." The She-Primate scratched her neck playfully, making her close her eyes in content over the wonderful sensations. "Not sure if that nomori resurrected itself or not considering you were once Youkai instead of an animal your whole life but what matters is that you didn't become a Youkai so good work."

She wasn't paying attention to the song. The pettings were far more preferable paying attention to. Her captors were never this soft.

"Okay." They stopped. "You wanted to see the owner, right? Well, come on." The She-Primate treaded forward past her, beckoning her to come along. "I'm sure Eman-san wouldn't mind letting you have a whiff of it again. I've seen him being friends with a handsome wolf, I'm sure he won't be afraid of someone as pretty as you. I'm Kasen, by the way. Pleased to meet you, little white tiger."

She licked her nose before moving up to the side of the She-Primate, which has referred to itself as 'Kasen', keeping pace and listening to the environment in case of threats, ears panning in multiple directions. She would have an eye out for prey but that fruit she ate strangely left her hunger satiated. Not entirely 'full' in the general sense, more like not having the willingness to eat. A rather unfamiliar sensation.

"You know, I've been hearing other animals having an addiction to those smells you were talking about." Kasen began, turning to her with a soft expression, "Birds, deers, rodents, predators, even some of the newborn Youkai animals. It's almost like a drug to them. But you, you're the first that actually wants to find the owner. Everybody else just sniffs at whatever's lingering and leave when it's gone. I can tell it's because of the lingering self-awareness you once had when you were a Youkai."

She turned to Kasen, wondering what was meant.

"It means you have the intelligence of a 7 year old human. You can understand human language already and you're also capable of feeling complicated emotions like obsession." She felt the heavenly paw scratch at her head again, granting her another dose of pleasure. She leaned towards the scratching digits needily. "Your bestial instincts are still there, however. But under my guidance, you'll become a lovable and human-friendly kitty." The paw then switched places to scratch below her chin, which made her let out a pleased groan. "I'm not sure if you can survive on your own. That white coating of yours won't do you any favors in hunting, and I don't think Eman-san could feed you at his own expense."

Her mood turned sour upon hearing the mention of her coating. She's very aware of her unlucky quirk, and she's always reminded that it's never going to bear any benefit for her every single time she is seen by a prey instead of the other way around. An ultimate detriment to her identity as a hunter, always making her seen before she could get close to a prey. Winter might be the only time she can get lucky but the majority of all four seasons are all hot, colorful, and against her.

"However…if I can get to talk to his wolf, maybe I can have him teach you how to hunt." Kasen sounded positive, "You both just need to get over your differences and maybe you two can be friends. Every species of animals under me has been able to work it out eventually, I'm sure another two will not hurt. Except, it'll be outside my care. Many Outsiders are quite successful with making interspecies relationships happen among animals, I can hope that Eman-san will support the notion as well."

She would not know how to take that. Too many unusual human utterances into one song.

In later minutes, Kasen continued to speak her song, more often not making any sense than otherwise. Whether she was paying attention to it or not, it helps either way. Complicated Primate speak will become sensible over time, the things she hears today will be understood in the next sun. She might not be as intelligent as crows or apes but she has self-awareness. Every animal apart from her was either dumb meat or stupid meat, the first thing she found out when she tried to identify how unique she was.

She can identify really well what was unusual compared to the day before. At times she become introspective (an alien concept), she marvels at the things she could do compared to other animals. She has enough awareness to understand that she's different even to other tigers, and not just because of her unfortunate coloring.

Her bestial urges regularly prevent her from having any lapses of self-awareness, however. Like the desire to hunt when she's hungry and the powerful instinct to chase something that's running away from her even when she's not.

She can't help it, she's only a predator.

She's at a very self-aware state in the presence of this She-Primate, however. Was it the trustworthy aura it had? Or was it the strange fruit she ate? Or maybe it was her lack of hunger that freed her from her primal mentality for a while? Whichever it is, she's glad. Being away from the grips of her urges is always a welcome phase. It allows her moments of thought and pondering, a favorite habit she developed.

But as of now, she's got a little desire to satiate, and it is to find the source of that funny smell. Such a wolf thing to do. Unlike anything she ever did before as a predator hunting prey, but slightly different. It's as if she's chasing after a tiny piece of territory that's moving away. Sticking close to Kasen will do exactly that.

She yawned. The trip is starting to get tedious, she's getting drowsy and she wants to run back to the lake again for a long swim. Her body's overheating, and she barely had a drink of water since the start of the sun's rising. Summer is a murderous season for tigers. Thank Mother Nature for the many trees providing the cool shade all over the land.

"Thirsty, little one?"

Her mouth opened up to Kasen's direction, expecting refreshing liquid to come pouring down on the opening and maybe her whole body, then held herself in place, realizing what she had done, then surprised herself even further for realizing it.

"Oh. It seems you got more intelligence than I thought. You know how to pick up patterns, even though I only fed you once. And you even noticed how odd that is." Kasen drew a strange round leather thing that hung from her side, pulled a small piece from the top and sang, "Open wide now."

She complied and cold delicious water poured down from the small hole of the strange thing to her open maw. She lapped it up greedily, making sure most of the liquid slide down to her throat instead of splattering the dirt on her feet. And when she felt she had enough for now, she let it pour down on her head.

"Oh. Well, that's rather creative of you." There was a strange song from Kasen, almost like a chuff of amusement. "Your intelligence really makes me want to think you're actually a Youkai. I've changed lots of beast Youkai back into ordinary animals, and they never had that much intelligence without my supervision. Eman's holy fires must've done wonders when it changed you back."

She didn't pay attention. The cold water pouring down on her head and body was too distracting, too pleasurable to ignore. It was a beautiful feeling, and she's not even close to a lake or river. Such a profound thing to experience for the first time.

"Okay! That's enough." The water stopped, and forced herself from shaking her entire body to flick out the excessive liquid sticking on her fur, letting it drip to the soil. The more water on her coat, the better the evaporation will feel on her skin underneath. The instinct to lick herself clean or whip it off was still there despite her successful efforts prior. She does it too often that it was an automatic reaction to having wet fur. It made her furrow the wet soil beneath her with her right paw.

"I have to be honest with you." Licking her nose to clear the water running down near her nostrils, she turned to Kasen. "The more I see you act, the more I think you're not just any above-average tiger in Gensokyo."

She let out a low groan, understanding the statement. She's aware that she has done a lot of things that is not tiger-like many suns before, and it keeps happening whenever she wasn't hungry, when she was free of her urges or at least in control of them.

"You're more like a human in white tiger's clothing."

She tilted her head, now lost as to what Kasen meant thanks to that strange utterance near the end.

"Like a human indeed." The She-Primate bared her teeth. It did not seem so confrontational or threatening, however. "I think Eman-san's going to take a shine on you very quickly once he sees it for himself."

~~~~~ « » ~~~~~

Kasen kept up with the sprinting white tiger that has begun taking the lead since the scent of incense, hot water, and whatever else any animal could detect that she couldn't gave enough incentive for the young big cat to hurry up.

She is the least enthusiastic between her and the tiger, however. Her instincts have been flaring that something's going on, and it's nothing good at all. The distressed howls of Eman's wolf coming from the direction of the Letitia House did not help either.

She had found the lights of the Holy Spirit awaiting her at the edge of the forest surrounding Eman's house when they reached it. The sanctified entity left a long trail of holy balls probably leading to the destination. While it can be seen as a form of escort, the stillness of each orb was unnatural to her. Last she had seen from them, they were always floating in the air or bouncing on her arm. Now, it seemed like they didn't have time for play and it almost seemed like they were indirectly telling her to hurry.

And hurry she did. The white tiger either noticed the signs or simply hurried to the now-closer source of the holy fires, it hurried alongside her with the best of its speeds that it made Kasen resort to flying. And when she reached the clearing as soon as she had flew past the barriers, she beheld a confrontation between a large feline and a bulky canine. Both predators were growling, hackles raised, bodies tensed in preparation for an attack, and neither cared for the fact that their confrontation will give little reward.

"Halt!" She shouted, asserting her dominance on both animals and they instantly mellowed to her charm, lowering their snouts close to the soil and lying flat on their underbelly. "There will be no fighting in my presence, and right now, there's pressing matters to attend to."

She turned her eyes to the door and found what seemed to be the outline of a human woman beckoning her with ethereal arms made out of pure white light. "Holy Spirit." She breathed in awe. She hurried towards the entity and bowed humbly. "I am here at your beckon." She raised her head up to meet where the eyes would be on the transparent form of a head, "Were you calling for me?"

The Holy Spirit responded by phasing into the door, disappearing from within.

"I'm coming in." She called out before reaching for the knob. It wasn't locked, but she didn't dwell on why and hurried in—

—only to meet the sight of a body lying face down on the ground, twitching, choking, and pale enough to look like a corpse.

"Eman-san!" She quickly knelt down beside the young man, grabbing his shoulder and turning him to lie on his back. The motion elicited a horrible groan from him, as if the act of moving alone was excruciating agony. When he was finally face-up, she met a horrible sight of pain and disease: the mouth bloody, likely from vomiting; brows furrowed, as if there was pain in every second he breathed or lived; and there were bloody tears running down from his bloodshot eyes that almost looked like they exploded.

"…i…i….it…." He tried to speak, but Kasen only heard the slightest mutters, barely expressed through chokes, "…i..it…hu…h…..h….ur…ts…..it…hurts…."

"Oh no." Kasen's heart pounded in her ears, apprehension filling her core at the situation she found herself in. The boy looked like he was nearing death, unsure whether he was past the point of saving or not, and she doesn't even have anything that could somehow delay whatever was killing him on the inside just in time for her to take him to the clinic in the bamboo forest.

Looks like she will have to improvise. She held his hand, saying in an assuring tone, "Don't worry, Eman-san, I'm going to help you. Just stay still." With her physical hand, she laid it atop his chest and released the qi of the world and universe into his body, hoping to stall the disease and heal whatever was damaged.

[AAAAGGHHH!] She received an opposite reaction. Instead of easing the twitches on his body, it only made him shake violently and crush her held bandaged hand, spewing the black smoke constituting it. {Sakit! Sakit! Sakit! Undang!} His other hand lashed out, scratching at his bloodied chest, as if there was something crawling inside.

"What the!? What!? How did that hurt you!?" Kasen was struck in disbelief at what she unwittingly did, "That was supposed to heal you!"

[Grrr…..!] Eyes scrunching tightly, one opened up to see her, spilling out a long line of red tears to the hardwood floors. "Wh…..who…..ssss…" Whatever was going to be said is interjected by an episode of choking and coughing, splattering Kasen's knee with his mouth blood.

Cold sweat ran down Kasen's forehead, completely at a bind. She cannot run home to get whatever remedies she have without leaving him unattended, she cannot even ask one of her animal companions to go get it for her. They wouldn't be able to reach in time, and most of them wouldn't even recognize what she meant.

What can I do!?

Biting her left hand's fingers, she looked around her for anything that could help and found a medicine box atop the living room table. "Medicine!" She patted his shoulder, "I'll be back." She promised and hurried towards it, grabbing whatever looks helpful and looked through the instructions as quickly as possible. Pills are out of the question, not in such a state he could take them.

"….son….poi…son…."

Kasen froze, holding her breath and listening intently on what she caught from the chokes. Did she hear it wrong or did she hear the word 'poison'? Rushing back to his side, she held his shoulder gently and asked, "Did you know what's causing you this much pain?" She was successful in keeping her composure inside her voice. "Tell me, Eman-san? What's doing this?"

A violent cough came out first, making her internally wince as she watched a precarious amount of blood splatter the cold floors. She rubbed his back, hoping that it could give him comfort in the midst of his suffering. His voice was guttural, wet, and strained. "Poi….son…poison….poison….! Poisoooon….!"

It is poison! She immediately rushed back to the medicine kit, finding whatever was considered an antidote by their labels. She'll have to find out how he got poisoned later, see if she could find out the culprit, employ Reimu's help if she can't do it on her own.

"A-ha!" All-Cure antidote. Just what she needed. Grabbing a single syringe, she pierced through the lid and siphoned a specific amount. "Oh, I hope this dosage is okay for you." She will not live it down in life knowing she killed a human in an attempt to save his life. Holding up the loaded syringe after a slight squeeze, she rushed back to Eman's form and rolled up his sleeve to leave bare the upper part of his left arm. "Hold still now." Holding him still with a free hand holding his elbow, she sunk the needle into his skin and pumped the substance into his system.

"AAAaaaarrrghh….!" He let out a horrifically deep growl, almost resembling an angered oni's grumble. As she pulled the syringe away and cast it aside, she stood away from him and watched his body twitch even more erratically. His pierced arm began to profusely bleed than it should, his choked throat devolved into wheezing, no merciful coughs were let out to expel whatever is clogging his lungs. There was a rapid thudding of flesh against wood, parts of his trembling body colliding against the floors uncontrollably, especially his head and arms.

Kasen crushed and twisted her thumbs in anxiety at the sight, unblinking as she watched the agony with wide crimson eyes. "Please work, please work, please work, please work…." The words were like a mantra, hoping it'd have an effect in ending the scene from continuing.

The twitching had lessened, lightening Kasen's hopes, only for it to be blotted out. Eman's body curled, writhed, twisting in ways that would have been unbearable for an average human, and it was worsening quickly. His choking was gone, and it gave way for a scream to come out. A high-pitched scream, laced with every agony imaginable done to a human body. And when his face turned in the Hermit's view, she watched his eyes explode. Every orifice in his head leaked, bleeding without any sign of running out of the lifeblood that kept him alive.

Painful screams echoed out in the silence of the Letitia House, mixing with the anguished howls of Visente crying for his dying Master.

Kasen watched in full horror as she brought a hand to her mouth, her heart rate rising to abnormal rates for what she had done. The antidote was not helping him. It was killing him faster. She can't heal him, she can't cure him—she can't help him in any way. Whatever was killing is surely something she never seen in her life. And by the time she resorted to the thought of holding his hand, the least she could do after the best she had tried, to tell him that she will not leave him to suffer alone, to grant him even the tiniest comfort she could provide amidst his agony….she was already too late.

His neck had snapped, and he was no longer moving. The screams were no more, so were Visente's howls. The blood continued to pool beneath his head, and by the time it reached Kasen's shoes, reality struck and brought her to her knees, staining them and parts of her skirt with the liquid that should be nowhere outside Eman's body.

I…I killed him…..I killed…..I let a human die…how…..how could this be…..?

She lost her touch to the world, unmoving and unblinking as she stared at the man she had pushed straight to death's door when he was standing right next to it. She barely noticed the two animals entering the door, even Visente who was directly in her line of sight. The wolf whined as he stared at the corpse of his Master, his grief expressed in a way only his kind could do. His pitiful whines and little whimpers touched the white tiger. The latter can see the saddening scene in front of her, and she felt her insides churning in a way that was not pleasant. She doesn't understand what it is, she never felt it before, another one of the 'new ones' she didn't realize she had, but she hates it.

She looked down on the fallen Primate, and she smelt faint traces of the funny smoke on it. The blood was laced in the same smell too, but at such a high potency that it isn't like the smoke at all, both things distinct from each other as the smell of fresh water and unclean water. She wanted to familiarize both scents, but as she turned to the unmoving Kasen and the grieving wolf, her new instinct told her that it isn't…right to do so. She still feels like it is okay to do but her insides dictated that right now isn't the time to indulge.

Huffing lightly, she circled around the fallen Primate and bumped her head against the She-Primate's own, nuzzling her softly and gently enough that she's practically comforting a mouse she could accidently crush if she was not careful. Even before her rebirth, she understood grief, especially from other animals that weren't herself. Turning her eyes to Kasen's eyes, she can see them slick from a salty-smelling liquid that's leaking out of them. She let a light groan, upset over the sight of them for some reason and licked them off.

The She-Primate grunted, but did not protest to her advances. Meagerly accepting her attempts of comforting her, Kasen reached up to scratch the side of the white tiger's face.

Then a bright white light erupted, drawing a yelp of surprise from both animals and hermit as they turned away from the source.

~~~~~ « » ~~~~~

I'm dead, aren't I?

…yep….I'm actually dead. My hands are fucking transparent…..but at the same time it looks like I don't even have hands. It's like I'm only imagining them but not at the same time…..holy shit, being dead is so confusing!

Not just that but I can see from all directions! I can see in a 360 angle! I tried to feel for my face but I can't. It feels like I have a body, I even feel the movements of my fucking hands and shit but I actually can't see my body at the same time! I could even see the place where my eyes would be if I could do a literal third-person POV, and THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE TOO!

HOLY SHIT, BEING DEAD SURE IS SOMETHING! AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THE AFTERLIFE YET!

I'M STILL IN GENSOKYO!

…..….

….….….….

….….….….….….….hoooo….?

…I don't even have lungs….and yet I'm sighing. Geez…so this is how it feels to be separated from your physical body, huh? It's not so bad….now that I think about it….IT REALLY DOESN'T!

I FEEL FUCKING FANTASTIC! I FEEL LIKE I JUST GOT MYSELF OUT OF THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE SKINTIGHT BODY SUIT THAT I'VE BEEN WEARING MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE FOR GOOD! AND IT FEELS LIKE HEAVEEEEEEEEEN! MY FUCKING PHYSICAL BODY IS NOTHING BUT FUCKING DEAD WEIGHT! I'M OUT!

I FEEL FUCKING FREEEEEEEEE!

I'm still breathing, BUT I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CHEST ANYMORE! I COULD ACTUALLY SUCK IN AS MUCH OXYGEN AS I WANT! OR I COULD HOLD MY BREATH FOR AS LONG AS A SINGLE ETERNITY! AND IT FEELS FANTASTIC! BREATHING'S FOR WIMPS NOW! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY FUCKING EXISTENCE, I CAN APPRECIATE NOT HAVING ANY LUNGS!

WITHOUT THE SHIT EVERYBODY CALLS "SKIN", I FEEL LIKE I'M EVERYWHERE! IT'S LIKE BEING MADE OUT OF AIR AND MY ENTIRE BODY'S SCATTERED ALL OVER MOTHERFUCKING GENSOKYO! EVEN IN THE SKY! AND MY EYES ARE STILL IN ONE PLACE!

I CAN'T EVEN TELL TIME ANYMORE! IT FEELS LIKE AN ETERNITY IS PASSING! OR A FUCKING MILISECOND IS GOING ON! MY SENSE OF TIME IS FUCKED! AND IT FEELS FANTASTIC! I FEEL LIKE I COULD SEE ALL THE SIGHTS IN THE WORLD AND NOT WASTE A SECOND! FUCK YEAH!

HOLY SHIT! SO MANY COLORS! A SINGLE LEAF HAS FUCKING 5039 COLORS! I LOOK AT A TREE AND I SEE A FUCKING MOUNTAIN OF 170488 COLORS! I LOOK AT A MOUNTAIN AND I'M ON DRUGS! I LOOK AT THE SKY AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT! EVEN THE FUCKING AIR IS COLORFUL! WHAT THE FUCK!? IS THIS THE SHIT YOU SEE WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE EYES THAT SEE WITH ONLY 6 PHOTORECEPTORS!?

I'M FUCKING ALL-SEEEEEEIIIIIIIING!

I CAN SEE EVERYTHING! EVERY FUCKING THING IN EXISTENCE IS NAKED! I COULD SEE FUCKING EVERYTHING! SO MANY THINGS TO SEE! SO MUCH STUFF HIDDEN UNDER THE GROUND! I CAN EVEN SEE THE MICROORGANISMS LIVING IN A SINGLE PARTICLE OF DUST! I EVEN SEE DUST MITES CRAWLING ALL OVER! I COULD EVEN SEE THE 4-YEAR OLD VIPER THAT'S 234 METERS AWAY FROM HERE! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I'M SEEING EVERYTHING! AND I'M NOT EVEN MOVING ANYWHERE! I'M STILL AT THE TOP OF MY HOUSE'S ROOF!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!

….

….….….….

…..….….….….….

Now that I don't have gravity affecting me, it sure messes up my sense of up and down. I just don't have it anymore. It's like being inside an upside down ship or city while underwater, nothing is upright unless it looks upright. And since I don't have a body anymore, it just adds up to the weirdness.

With my new eyes looking out in all directions, I can immediately tell that its 7:39 in the morning and in a few minutes a small cloud will hover over the village for 60 seconds before disappearing.

Wow.

Being dead sure makes you a weather master. And it's still trippy. I don't have a head anymore but I still turn 'it' around to look at a specific direction even though I already got a 360 vision. I guess it's a reflex I kept with me since I was still alive, just like how I'm still breathing. I don't blink anymore at least, that's new.

So what should I do before I go and face my judgment?

I guess I should check out what's going on inside my house. I did feel someone tending to me, which kinda led me straight to death but hey, you gotta give the person points for trying.

Okay, who was it? Oh, it was Kasen.

Hi, Kasen! Heeey! Can you see me!? I'm yelling at you! I'm even at your ear!

….guess not. She doesn't really look responsive anymore. She's got a really wide-eyed stare, looking as far as a thousand yards as she….who's this?

Is this….me? Is that how I look like? Wha…..?

….this is messed up….I don't recognize him. I have a rational conclusion to assume that this guy on the floor, pale and bloody, eyes exploded with mouth completely bloody, is me…..

…..but emotionally….it's not true. This guy on the floor is a complete stranger. To me, it's just something close to a piece of used clothing.

But besides that, look at all the fucked up things crawling around his entire system. They're parasites, microscopic-sized motherfuckers the size of a blood cell that can infect white blood cells. Not only did they turned the WBC into one of their own like a zombie, they even poop poison after every meal, which literally melted the boy's muscle fibers and tendons…..slowly.

They were eating him from the inside out, and the antidote that's rushing around only made them multiply even faster. What a fucked up thing to have in your body. You're basically doomed when you have 'em in ya.

Oh look, my cute big boy Visente is there too. Aw, poor boy. He's crying for him. I could even feel his grief as if it were my own. It made me sympathize him in such a way that was so personal it was practically me who was grieving.

And damn it all if it hurts so much to watch and experience as a dead guy. I earn the ability to empathize anything that's alive at the most extreme level possible.

If I was alive, I'd bawl like a fucking baby for how hurt my boy is feeling.

It's okay, boy. Don't you cry, your master's free. He's happy now, and he's very proud of you. He's very appreciative for your companionship, no matter how short it is the time you two spent together. Move on, okay? I don't know if you could hear it but….

….I love you, Visente. I felt that way ever since you adopted me as a partner. I never actually said it to you, not once. You were a bro to me, keeping me company and guarded everyday. And you loved me even more, you showed it in your own wolf-like way. And I never did in the fashion of a human.

Whether you hate me for that or not, that is how I truly feel. I'm just glad you were part of my life till now.

Once again, my big bad wolfo….I love you, boy.

Now who's this beautiful white tiger? Quite young, she is: 2 years and 4 months old. I'd be surprised for her presence here, given that tigers aren't really native to Japan, but I guess being dead ensures that you don't get surprised by anything anymore. I'd like to know how this beauty got here—

…..….….….

….….….….….….….….….….

….….….….….….….….….….….….….

….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….No…..fucking…..way….I'm…fucking….Omniscient…..!

Because I don't have a brain anymore, I didn't end up catatonic for an entire hour like last time. I ended up processing what I wanted to know in a fucking instant without trouble. I will not use words like 'milisecond' or 'seconds' anymore, because I'm dead. Time doesn't exist anymore in my consciousness.

But more than the fact that I could process everything, my ability to see is actually capable of something VERY extreme:

I can see a living thing's PAST just by mere THOUGHT.

I wanted to know how the white tiger ended up in Gensokyo and I saw everything.

EVERY. FUCKING. THING.

From the day she was born, from the day she was raised by her mother in a cage, from the day she was separated and put into display by scum who wanted money from her unique coloring. She wasn't raised right. She had no experience in hunting. She's been inside a cage her whole life, confined and miserable. She even nearly died to dehydration because those bastards didn't give her a proper place to take a bath.

It was like a movie with many camera POVs, and I watched from every direction that I saw every detail. And I emphasize those two words: every detail. I felt her emotions, I felt the greed the bastards felt, and I felt the emotions of her mother as she watched her cub get taken away as soon as she was able to walk and eat. She was angered, swearing revenge in a way an animal could do. She was shot as soon as it happened, no longer useful to them.

And I continued watching, until the day the white tiger's cage broke open. Nobody really did any maintenance to the hinges, they were too rusty. Not even oiled for fucking 21 years. Apparently, they forgot to feed her, and she got so belligerent that she started roaring and screaming and rattling her cage so hard it gave away. And when she got out….she killed them.

Killed them good. It was loud and nasty. Morons didn't really expect her to escape, hence why they didn't have any weapons in hand, and they easily got ripped apart. Every single one. And when everybody in the compound was now dead, she ate their bodies, satiating her murderous hunger.

And when the next day came, she was now a Youkai and ended up transported to Gensokyo as soon as the Barrier of Fantasy and Reality discovered her failing spiritual energy. Said Barrier was erected by Yukari, acting like a signal for all things mystical to follow, and it has been up for 5 centuries.

She's actually a recent arrival. Not that long ago before I arrived to Gensokyo for the first time. She's actually cute as a fresh-born Youkai, and she sported really silky white hair. A fancy boyish cut, makes her look tough without breaking her feminine charm. Her age in appearance looks like a cross between 12 to 14 years of age, and she's crazy strong. Tigers were famous to be stronger than humans by a margin of 40 times.

Sadly, she didn't get to eat much on her first day and days after. She really doesn't know how to hunt, how to be quiet, and she really sticks out due to her pale skin and white hair that really looks obvious in a green environment. Every prey she tried to hunt could easily see her. While Youkai can survive out of fear, it seems she didn't knew that and hung on to her basic instinct, and that is to eat in order to survive. She's too young to understand it.

I finally see what Yukari meant when the young Youkai aren't too bright in realizing they need to be more than just mindless killing machines.

But despite her hunger, she really kicked ass. When she got desperate, she attacked a non-Youkai bear….and won. Wow. She got really full afterwards. And when she took a rest for the night, she managed to snag a few scavenger birds that were pecking the leftovers. Smart girl, did it by pouncing from the trees. Even when she ate the birdies, she's still hungry.

The feat really got Mamizou's attention. When the latter came to be acquainted with a new arrival, she got wailed on by a really hungry tiger woman who saw meat instead of helping hand, even if it was a Youkai. She did get beaten but she sure surprised the raccoon girl. When she got tired, she was offered a piece of cow meat and offered to show the ropes of being a Gensokyan Youkai. How sweet…

They sure got a lesson going, from learning about the social quo of Gensokyo to gathering fear from humans in order to hold it up. Amusingly, the white tiger did not speak. She understood Mamizou but never really said a comprehensible word since having a humanoid body. All she ever let out are grunts, growls, and really loud screams. It's like interacting with a pre-teen that talks like a baby but has the intelligence of a young adult.

When Mamizou felt like she taught everything the kitty needs to know, the latter is now left alone to fend for herself once again. She would've done some human scaring and attacking….

….but the time she planned to one day after, she got hit by a holy orb that was from me when I busted out a Nuke for the very first time. And it happened on my Second Sunday in Gensokyo.

Holy Energy overpowered Youkai Energy, and she was reduced back into a white tiger. Due to how young and fresh-born she was, her physical being was still strong before it could wilt away after one year. It allowed the Holy Spirit to turn her back instead of killing her. She did suffer burning but she came out all fine, only she didn't have a human body anymore.

She retained her intelligence however, but not her original Youkai personality. Seems her memory of it was hazy, it can be said that she's too young to remember the important details that she sometimes surprises herself when she does something only her Youkai identity could do. And she's been discovering herself these last few weeks: she discovered her own self-awareness and how unique she was compared to other animals. She sure done unusual stuff as well that would look completely out of place for a tiger, like gathering leaves for a bed or blocking a cave entrance with branches.

She was reduced into hunger again as a tiger, but thanks to me throwing out random explosions of both magical and holy everywhere I go these past few weeks, it ended up luring many critters around, both prey and predator, and they ended up being her meal while they were distracted.

It seems I accidently helped this kitty survive. Go me.

She's not so different though. She, too, was taken in by the holy fires when she isn't up for a meal. It was like perfume to her and other animals, and it ended up turning into a drug. She got addicted to it. No other animal except her had that kind of obsession. It's likely from her former Youkai identity leaving marks on her behavior.

She's smart enough to realize that the holy fires came from someone, not something like rain. But since tigers aren't really good trackers with their nose, she didn't get to meet me since then. She's been trying hard these last few weeks, and it frustrated her to the point that she ended up KILLING THE SLENDERMAN MOTHERFUCKER out of annoyance when she found him looking at her…..!

…what the fuuuuuuuck…!? You fucking kidding me, bro…..!?

You just killed my target! I would be mad but GOOD JOB! You did the world a favor, kitty! Now no Outsider can finally die from his hands anymore.

Days after, that was when Kasen found her, and the latter offered to help find me without pay.

And that led to the current situation. Kasen found me convulsing due to parasites crawling around my body. She ended up killing me in her attempt to save me, and that really affected her.

From what I can see in my newfound powers of Omniscience, it is compulsory for hermits to save a human in peril, no matter what. My death made her think she failed as a hermit….

….but it's weird though. Hermits are supposed to transcend humanity, she's trying to be human as a hermit. But why would she—

…..….….….

….….….….….….….….….

….….….….….….….….….….….….….Never mind.

….you were never a human in the first place, weren't you, Kasen?

You were actually one of the worst Oni's in history, with a kill count that could really baffle me if I was still alive and had a physical brain. And you lost that persona because your hand being severed separated the evil out of you and gave birth to a virtuous and righteous Kasen. It seems you did lapse back into evil by reconnecting your arm last year but it seems you saw it coming and pulled a gambit that involved Reimu severing it again and sealing the evil persona within it properly.

You being a former oni needs to be kept secret, huh? I can see the consequences you thought up if people knew….all of it aren't pleasant. It surprises me that you would go so far to abandon your original self for the sake of your own humanity, and you did it because you wanted to be self-made and self-identified, be a real living and thinking being instead of some figure written in human-made myths that's only known to kill and eat people.

It seems you got some newfound respect from me, Kasen. Too bad I won't be able to show it to you, nor would I be able to tell you that I support your ideology and that it needs to be ingrained to every Youkai's mind. I just hope you can forgive yourself for not being able to save me. You even blame yourself because you think you killed me. It wasn't your fault. I was going to die anyway, and I was suffering the whole time. You did me a favor by making it quick.

I really hope you can move on from this, Kasen. And please watch over Visente for me.

…..….….….

….….….….….….….

….….….….….….….….….….….I guess I'll give you your space. No need for a dead guy to intrude in your and Visente's grieving moment.

I guess I'll check up on boss, see how he's doing without his employee coming over—!‼!

….….….

….….….….….….….

…..….….….….….….….….….hokay, holy shit.

I thought of heading to Hirabayashi-ya Dango and I was suddenly there. It wasn't teleportation or flash-forward or anything, it's just…..I-I don't know. It's really hard to describe. Um….I think it goes like this: my body is everywhere possible in Gensokyo, and I have eyes all over. The ones currently open are the ones watching Kasen and the two animals. Thinking of the dango shop closed them and opened the ones for said place.

I guess this is how you move while being dead. You just think of your destination and boom! You're already there.

Why can't that work in the living world?

Anyway, about Boss: he's doing alright, going about normally, but he's actually struggling a little now that I'm no longer there to handle the dough-making and chopping. Seems he got used to working with an extra hand that it made him lose a little of his edge. I can feel his worry, however. He thinks I'm probably sick and weak in my bed, unable to get up. He wanted to visit me yesterday but I never really told where exactly in the woods. Now that I'm not around today, his concerns have grown. He's also starting to think I got eaten by a Youkai or animal.

…..sigh…

It seems I found the downside of being dead: you can't tell anybody of what you wanted to say to them, ever again. You're either too late, or you just can't. The living can't speak to the dead, neither do the dead to the living. I wish I could tell him I'm already gone so he could stop worrying about me and instead focus on his job.

…..but I doubt he'll take well to me being dead….

…neither do Flandre….Reimu….Marisa….

…Marisa….

….no…

….….

…..….….

….….….….

…..….….….….….Hell did not exist.

That fire and brimstone hell…..it's all a loud of bullshit said told by really ignorant people who were scared of the destructive power of fire….

…It's regret…..that…..is Hell…..that's what it means to be in Hell…..you wish you could comfort the people you love….but you can't…..you're gone….you can never touch them again, you can never speak to them again. You can still see them but they can't see you. And they don't know how you feel, they'll never know…

….….

….….….

…..….….….being dead….doesn't feel so dope anymore…..

…it actually hurts…

~~~~~ « » ~~~~~

….….….….….….….….

….….….….….….….….….….….….….….

…..….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….I don't really know how long I've moped….

…I don't have tear ducts, therefore I can't cry or shed tears, I can only feel my guilt and depression. I don't feel the knots in my stomach or the trembling in my head, which was horrible. It feels so….physical and intensified that it's worse than the kind a living person could possibly feel. If I had felt it while alive, I could've simply died by heart failure due to the sheer despair it could induce into me.

…sigh…..

I look out into the world and I notice that not a single second had passed. The people on the streets are still the same ones in the same position before I took my eyes away from them. It's like they froze while I was wailing. It felt more like a fucking millennium had passed to me.

….So much for having no sense of time anymore….

I didn't recover, more like this is just me being bored of grieving. I'm still down…but I know that it won't do much…I should just hurry up and go to my judgment. I just think of the afterlife and I'll be there….

….but not yet.

There's still things I wanted to know, things to understand, stuff that I should have known—I even wanted to know more about Marisa and Reimu, their pasts and whatnot once I gain the amount of trust just enough for them to share it to me without any problems.

This is literally an invasion in privacy….but that won't matter. I'm dead anyway, at least let me pass on knowing what they were.

Now I just gotta sort the order of who should I go for first…

…..I guess I can start with Boss. I hope I don't bawl my eyes too much if I end up looking over his harsh moments in the past.

Okay, here we go. Sorry for this, Boss.

And into the past of Hirabayashi Daichi we go:

…..

….….….

….….….….….

….….….….….….….

….….….….….….….….….fucking….shit.

….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….…..Boss….you….fucking…STUD.

….just looking at it made me…happy…warm on the inside…..made me feel so…..blissful that he actually managed that. I'm so fucking proud, it even made me feel bright again, no longer a mopey piece of shit anymore.

If the village ever finds out about this, it's gonna be a fucking SCANDAL!

But whatever, no one will be able to find it out. Besides, you got luck on your side to keep it that way. Your future's gonna look bright, Boss. Make sure it stays that way.

Alrighty, now that he's over with. Who should be next?

Hmm…I guess I'll have Marisa, followed by Reimu….and maybe a few others, then I'm going over to Yukari as the final person.

It'll be quite a trip to the past of my friends, I'm sure of it. I'm gonna feel what they feel, experience what they experienced, and then watch everything to the last detail from the side.

I wish there were spiritual popcorns to munch all the while….and suddenly I can taste dango in the air—anyway! Okay: here we go. To the Past of Marisa, BEGIN!

~~~~~ « » ~~~~~

…..That was….surreal. And an amazing trip too. Everybody's got their own story, and each one's really unique. That's not supposed to be a surprise but damn. You really can't understand that unless you really looked into it right down to the last detail.

Not just the girls, I also looked in on the Incidents the Dynamic Duo have resolved. Keeps me up to speed with the hubbub of Gensokyo that led to today. It's kinda amazing that each Incident shapes up their character a bit. The certain times they thought they were going to die (rare thing since the Spell Card System), they really start to become more involved with people. It's subtle in their approach but it happened.

Reimu wasn't really that social before, and she's actually a kindhearted soul. Unfortunately, her occupation and current way of life had actually made her…cynical. Poor thing.

And the shit that's gonna come in store for her…..sigh….

Marisa's actually quite something, and to think she got mentored by a really hardass ghost…..geez. The things she goes through….I can't believe she turned out to be the way she is today. And the way she actually helps Reimu in her current way of life….it just makes me love her even more. No wonder everybody's been friends with her, despite her bullshit in regards to personal belongings.

I visited Remilia and Flandre's past, and it was a tragedy story connected with horror. The former's mentality actually cracked. She's sane today, but it wasn't like that 500 years ago. She was actually at the same level of insanity as Flandre when she went on her revenge rampage on the descendants of her parent's killers. I tried to empathize her insanity along with her grief and I found out that it is dangerous. She does not deserve to live when she's like that. She's too dangerous to all that are alive. It was horrible. If I was alive, I would've cracked just by looking at the way she thinks. Not only her, I even empathized her victims: they were really horrified, hopeless, and desperate. They really didn't deserve it. They didn't even know what their parents and grandparents did. They weren't even involved in anyway, but they died just because they were related to them. Even those who weren't related….they died too. Remilia didn't give any mercy to children and infants either. She killed them all, and made their parents watch.

She really left a really good impression to warrant the title of Scarlet Devil. Her level of cunning really lives up to the name. Petty as she gets, she had her moments of doing it just for the hell of it (her mind never really matured) and doing it for the sake of psychological control (an act of adaptation and developed cunning).

But I don't think calling yourself Dracula's descendant is really gonna help you, Remilia. You only found that out when Bram Stoker wrote about it in the 1800s, centuries after the Impaler died. Nobody even cared about it when you started putting it into your own name, even at the times when humans were superstitious.

Oh yeah. Her Scarlet Devil title: it was claimed that it was that way due to the fact that she rarely kills her victims in times of feeding and sometimes the blood spills on her dress. That's actually a way to make people underestimate her. Cunning, yes, but she's still a child in the mental department. She has childlike pride, and really gets ticked off when it gets bruised.

If she's really serious, however, she suddenly adapts to the mentality of a mature woman, calculating and manipulative.

Her mental structure is really something. She switches between an immature girl who's really intelligent and mature on the inside to a mature girl who's really childlike and petty on the inside. Sometimes the outward personality matches the inside, but it's a rare thing to happen.

Well, that's something to find out about a person who wants me to fall just like her.

Flandre…..well, she's miserable…and crazy.

She really did not deserve to be in this world with a mind as broken as hers. It wasn't really nice to begin with, but it was necessary. It hit Flandre really hard, shattered her well. And when her wings and powers started awakening, it got even worse.

I'm glad I helped her recover down to this day…I hope she continues to do so even when I'm gone.

…..sigh…

There sure were a lot of people along the trip to the past, and the majority of them really got acquainted with Reimu's needles. A lot. The way her mind works when she goes to work is really simple and straightforward: she just thinks she can win and then there you go: she wins. She really never has it hard when resolving Incidents.

….Can't ignore the fact that she acts like a complete jerk throughout though. I try to empathize her thoughts in the midst of it and I found out that we had the same kind of mindset. It's as simple as this: no bullshit. While my motive would be 'end the incident as quickly as possible', hers is more like 'end this incident so I could go home'. Lazy bitch.

Still, that's why she's the most trustworthy as the current Shrine Maiden. She gets things done, and efficiently at that.

It's kinda strange that I rarely see her and Marisa working together on most Incidents. But when they do, they're really indestructible. They really scared the tengus in Youkai Mountain when they went out to assault the Moriya Shrine for their rude introduction. The tengu needed an entire army to deal with three gods, two human girls did all the work for them, and every tengu learned to fear the name of Reimu and Marisa.

I admit that it makes me jealous. They're just strong. These two young girls just straight-up murder everyone in the way. They barely lost to anybody. If I go up against them and be all serious-like, even with either rage or holy power backing me up or both at once, I'd be down on the ground eating dirt in a millisecond. Reimu's power practically looked bottomless, and Marisa doesn't know how to stop!

It's safe to assume that Gensokyo's in good hands. Youkai have been in their best behaviors since then…well, as behaved as they could be. They know better than to go too far now. Reimu will hunt them down otherwise, no question. And Marisa's humanity is something to admire, despite her quirks. She is far more righteous than Reimu, who's more lawful.

I was hoping to learn more about them the normal humanlike way but hey, you can't get everything. Not even the simple things at times. I'm dead anyway.

….sigh…

Still makes me sad, and I'm really trying my best not to dwell on the fact that they'll never see me alive again. Forget about how I feel, I'm dead—I don't care about myself anymore. I'm worried about how they feel. It's too sudden for them to know that I just died out of nowhere, especially Marisa. She swore to herself that she would keep her friend alive…sigh…

Damn it.

I should just go to Yukari's then get counsel and comfort from the Holy Spirit.

Yukari's house…alright, here I am. The same crib I got kidnapped to for cooking shit.

Still lovely as always, tidy and prim. It's a glitch from the boundary of clean and unclean, it's going to stay that way no matter how much time passes. Looks like it's been like that for the last 600 years.

Now, where could Yukari be—

"Well, nice to see you again, Eman."

…what?

"I said: nice to see you again."

….what the…can she se—

"Yes, I can see you and hear you. May I have a reply for my kindly greetings despite the fact that you're intruding in my abode?"

….….….

….….….….….….….

….….….….….….….….….…..hi….

She then wore a pleased but amused smile, "Good enough." She sauntered over to a loveseat and made herself comfortable with it. She looked at me, with a raised eyebrow, "I would tell you to sit down but you don't have a body that will get uncomfortable anymore, so I ask you to compose yourself and…well, sit over here." She patted the armrest of a sofa adjacent to her seat.

Mm…okay.

I just think of sitting on that area close to the armrest and there you go, I'm already beside her. She turned her head towards me afterwards. Looks like even she can't keep up with my mode of transportation that transcended walking and flying.

"Of course I can't. Walking and flying are solely for those who still exist in the Physical realm. Even ghosts fall on these limits."

I've looked through Saigyounji Yuyuko, Soga no Tojiko, Minamitsu Murasa, and even Mima: they're not like me. They're not really physical beings but they still fall to certain limits of the living world.

"Indeed." She nodded in agreement, "They are needless in regards to food and sleep like you but they still have bodily limits. They still need to turn their heads around to see what's behind them, unlike you. They still need to fly long a distance away to reach a destination. Their 18 senses are at the level of a human. They won't become empaths, capable of reading and understanding the thoughts of others and their pasts. And they can still touch and be seen by the living." She rested her chin on her hand, "Let me ask you: which one of you is most fortunate, you or them?"

I don't know…they don't get to go to heaven or head on to judgment, but they still get to have fun in the living world. However, in the case of Murasa, she needs to maintain her purpose as a sea ghost in order to have an anchor to the living world. Everybody else had their way around it. And me, I can't be seen or heard or touched; I can go around read people and their pasts; I have a million senses unlike the ordinary 5 or 18; and I feel….fantastic.

….I don't know who's better off. I'm going off to my judgment later. Heaven or Hell, I don't know. I mean, I can stay as long as I want but the more I stay, the more I feel detached. Everywhere I go, I keep getting reminded that I'm not part of this side of life anymore. The more I feel like heading on to the afterlife where I feel much at home.

I'm gone, you know. No one's going to see me again.

She smirked, "Then what are you doing here when you should be meeting with St. Peter?"

Is the thing with St. Peter even a thing?

For your question, I wanna know more about you before I go off.

"Well, can you?" She goaded, extending an open hand to my direction.

…..no, I can't. I can't even read your own thoughts, but I can see that you blocked me off with a barrier. Disclosed and Concealed, right?

"Correct." She closed her open hand and drew it back. "My barriers are part of the Physical Realm, therefore it possible for them to be transcended by you. But you lack one more thing in order to go through all of them. It is the one thing that transcends all things."

And what's that?

"Uh uh…." She wagged her finger admonishingly, "…I have no right to tell you. After many years of my life, I knew better than to hand-feed people this one information that's right in front of their faces. You should discover the answer on your own."

But I'm dead, and I'm going to be gone soon. Can't you just tell me?

"That's not an excuse, even if you are bound to go to Heaven or Hell." She smirked once again. Really iconic of her. "Ignoring that," Yipes! I forgot I don't have secret thoughts anymore! "You are not going to the Afterlife just yet."

…what?

"As of now, the Holy Spirit is currently repairing your body, purging the parasites in your system, and maybe modifying certain parts of your anatomy."

WHAT!?

Her smirk got a lot…smirkier. "What? You did not think She would do that?"

WHAT!? Um, NO!

"No? Are you saying she can't?"

Um…no! Uh, it's just that—uh….

"Oh, my dear Eman. You are not in the Outside World anymore. Belief in Divine Intervention is quite strong here, therefore She would. She can see that you do not wish to pass on just yet so She will do her very best to bring you back."

…..….….….

…..….….….….….….

….….….….….….….….….….….

….….….….….….….….….….….….….….

She tilted her head, "Eman, are you crying?"

You know that I'm not, but I would have. I don't have tear ducts to weep with anymore….but if I had…I would flood this fucking place with them.

Every fucking time, I can never tell just how far the Holy Spirit would do for me. A human could only do so much but Her? It's just unthinkable. She can do anything. In every sense of the word: she can do everything for me, a universal truth among all things. And it still makes me feel like I don't deserve the things She would do for me.

I hear a sigh, "Eman, in Her eyes, you deserve everything. That's how She loves you. And that's something you should know, it's within Her nature to watch over you even when you're dead."

But still….

"Complain all you like, the Holy Spirit will not change Her mind. She loves you, and that's final." She then pulled a fan from a tiny gap in her hand that would've looked like a sleight of hand trick to anybody alive that has eyes looking at it and began waving herself with it. "Your body's nearing full repair. And once it does, you will be forced back into the world of the living, depriving you of your millions of senses back into your original 33, once again trapping you into that weak cumbering shell you call a Body."

Right. Will I get to remember all this?

"Only the things a human mind can take. In the same manner an ant cannot understand the language or the understanding of a human, there are some truths of the world that simply isn't acceptable to your physiology. Not yet, at least."

Then that means I should be disappointed upon waking up. I liked being like this, you know, outside my body. Not breathing and not having to move just to do something is quite awesome. I just need to think and there you go, it's done.

"Besides that, expect to wake up horribly. Despite the Holy Spirit's efforts to repair your body, it is not 100%. You won't be able to move, you could do little to open your eyes, and you might not be able to speak for a couple of days."

Will I be crippled?

"Not entirely. You simply will not be stable for more than a week, you will be bedridden and will have to be taken care of until you are healthy again." She smirked teasingly. "Would you like me to have Reimu come over and play nurse for you?"

NO. Please, no. Not even Marisa. Don't let them know that I just died, and I really don't wanna see them for a while. After looking through their pasts, I don't think I'll act as usual around them. The explaining it'll take me when they'll notice. I should be alone or just away from them for a dozen days or more so I could forget about it and continue treating them the way I usually do.

And I really don't wanna bring any of what I learned up. As a friend, I should wait for them to open up patiently. And when they do, it's a sign that they're comfortable enough around me, and I will thank them for it when it comes. That's a Human thing to do.

…if ever, I feel like taking Reimu out on a date when I get better. Nothing romantic, it's just a whim.

"A whim you thought up ever since learning about her and her predecessor's past, you mean." She snidely corrected.

Hmm, you're not wrong but looking into it, it just looks a little bleak, you know. I just wanna give her a little bit of a break from her usual Hakurei Shrine Maiden shtick. No Youkai hunting, no incident resolving, no mediator responsibilities or some other bullshit she's stuck with: just a little bit of a hangout with a friend.

I just hope Marisa doesn't barge in. I mean, its fine with me since it is a hangout but I'd prefer it just between the two of us. If I can show her that there's somebody to help her hold up that weight she's carrying besides Marisa, perhaps she'll be able to take her responsibility a little more openly.

I then hear a chuckle. Instead of the usual one laced with mischievous amusement or with secretive intent, this one's quite loaded with fondness and warmth. I could even feel it from one of my many senses. It's a genuine chuckle of admiration, one you'd do when you watch a kid do a good thing just because it's a good thing to do.

She turned to me, genuine warmth showing from her eyes and that smile….it was the most beautiful sight I've ever seen since meeting her. Combined with my other million senses and perception, it just looks heavenly.

"I'm counting on you, Eman Letitia. Make her smile if you can, and make sure I get to see it in person."

Sure thing.

And you're probably gonna continue manipulating me like always, huh? I saw the pattern when you had me invisible to every Youkai before I was able to get into the Scarlet Devil Mansion the first time. But despite myself noticing it, I don't know what it'll lead to.

She then chuckled, as if she heard a joke that actually turned out to be very funny. "When you wake up, you will not remember anything that will either confirm or deny my actions of manipulating you."

Bitch.

"I'm willing to ignore that. Oh and before you go, why not find out how angels are born. I do not refer to that Celestial brat or any other being who calls themselves as such but the true ones, those of wings and guidance."

Like Archangel Michael.

"Exactly. Not that you have to but I will tell you that it is a rather dumbfounding revelation. I admit I felt cheated when I discovered it myself. It will teach you to love Mother Nature more and to care for Gensokyo's lessers more."

…..intriguing.

Oh, I can feel myself being pulled back. I think my body's nearing completion.

"Well, you best hurry, or you might not have the chance to know unless you die again."

Understood. Bye, Yukari. I'll see you again…hopefully without any antagonistic action from me.

"I hope so." And as I asked the question of the origin of angels, I watched as I was taken to a random place in Gensokyo, the last thing in my mind a waving Yukari.

Now…how are the angels of God born?

…..….….

….….….….

….….….….….

….….….….….….…‼

…..Oy.….you…

…..you have GOT to be FUCKING KIDDING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE‼!‼!‼!‼!‼!‼!‼!‼!‼!‼!‼!‼!

~~~~~ « » ~~~~~

…..I feel heavy….weak…..slow…..so hurt I wish I was no longer alive. I couldn't even open my eyes, they're just so heavy. And I mean that literally, it's like my energy supply is one pubic hair away from reaching extreme 0%. I could even feel my heartbeat….despite my weak condition, it's fucking strong. Each beat is so powerful it feels like it wants to break out of my chest and beat me to death for the amount of hell I made it go through in my weekends.

If I can compare oxygen with water, then I am taking tiny sips of it in my every breath. And as time goes on with my heart literally pounding the walls of its chamber, the sips slowly enlarged into shot glasses. It's not the most decent amount but it's tolerable. It's just like having a bad cough that you gotta take small breaths otherwise you'll just explode into a fit that hurts your stomach again. Not the second time that happened in my life. Only this time, it feels like I have a small lung.

And I hate it. I expected right….being dead really feels better compared to this. This is Hell.

My extremities, lower and upper….can't feel them. I'm trying to wiggle either toes or fingers but I can't feel or tell if they're doing it or not. It's like losing the blood flow in them and you lose sensation to them. Oh dear, I hope I didn't lose them when I got poisoned. Can't even lift arms or legs up either.

So. Fucking. Heavy.

THIS FUCKING BODY IS FULL OF SHIT!

Oh dear…..I just realized I'm shaking….trembling….I was cold…..very cold…..more so above my shoulders. It's fucking cooold…..I'm too weak to move, I don't know where I am….is there a blanket somewhere? Somebody….please….

….I'm scared….I can hear squeaking…scratching…..and someone talking….too unfamiliar….everything I'm hearing's really muffled….clouded with obscurity….confusion…..nothing makes sense…..!

Oh no, I hear something coming…..oh no, it's fast-approaching. I even felt the surface beneath my body quake upon—

Then a heavy but warm body lands itself atop my own, practically blowing off my oxygen as I felt poles land on my gut and my face crinkled as the sensation of something wet lapping across my face.

A familiar lapping….I felt this sensation every time I head off to work and when I go home from the village.

Visente…..oh my sweet big boy. It's you….it's just you. My favorite wolfo buddy, you thought I was gone, didn't you? You're even whining and squeaking both mournfully and happily, as if you're glad I'm alive. I'd give you your favorite body scratches but I can't….I'm too weak. I can feel you lying atop my body, your arms atop my shoulders, pinning me down as if you're making sure I don't go away again….heh…..

Yeah, yeah, me too, boy. Me too. Not yet. I won't go anywhere. I won't leave you behind like that…there's still stuff for the both of us to do…..

You being glad for me being alive allowed me to have just enough strength to shakily put these cold arms around your big fat body as much as they can. You're so fucking heavy. You're suffocating me…but I don't care. You deserve this much. Oh your fur…I can't waste any moment that I get to hold you like this. You are my one and only wolf friend, its outright wrong that I don't value you more than just a company for me on the road to work and home.

[I….'ove…'ouuuu…..]

I love you, Visente. I truly love you. I looked into the past: you've been looking out for me when I wasn't looking. It was actually you. It was actually you the whole fucking time. You were the ones who held off every motherfucking Youkai that wanted to kill me for my hermit meat. That's why there were barely anybody that tried to for the past few weeks. That wolf-Youkai got lucky to slip past your notice. Those you fought off when they wouldn't back down on you telling them to fuck off…they stood no chance.

I finally found out how you end up killing things bigger than you every time, prey or predator. It's your jaws, they're your most powerful arsenal, stronger than any other wolf in the entire whole of Gensokyo. They have the power to break stone, and just one single bite was enough to snap a neckbone. You really done in a lot of Youkai with it, ripping off limbs and hearts and throats….you nearly died each time. And I never noticed it until now.

You're still alive because one of the Holy Spirit's orbs kept following you, making sure you are healed so perfectly that I never noticed all the healed injuries you took in my place.

You were my guardian, and I never treasured you for the noble actions you did for me. Because I never paid any close attention to the one thing that's keeping me safe for the last few weeks.

Oh my sweet, sweet boy. I don't deserve you, I really don't.

And I do NOT deserve You too, Holy Spirit. I never would've been breathing right here with Visente crying in relief for me if it weren't for You saving me yet again.

Thank You. Thank You for letting me live again. Now Flandre, Marisa, and Reimu can still see me again. I no longer have to leave them in grief. I can still go to them, talk to them, have fun with them…..Thank You. Thank You so much.

There is nothing I can do to repay this. Nothing.

I feel the warm truffle on my chest, filling my insides with such warmth that it made my shivering stop entirely. This warmth, mixing with Visente's own….it's so wonderful…..oh it's good to be alive…..

I've learned something now: Death is easy, but life's hard…..yet there are still things in it that makes it all worth it. What a darn way to go about it.

~~~~~ « » ~~~~~

"….and then suddenly, Young Visente was scratching at your door, saying that he heard you wheezing. Imagine my relief when he said it. Thank the Holy Spirit you lived."

…..well….that's something to hear while I was floating around Gensokyo, prying into everybody's backstory.

It's been three days since my resurrection, and I've recovered just enough today to be able to talk without mumbling. Not fully though, my voice is still soft and Kasen needs to lean closely just so she could hear me. I can move my limbs now but not enough for locomotion or proper dexterity (can't even clench a fist). I might fall down the sooner I try to stand.

What was shocking was that the entire time I died, it only lasted for entirely 3 hours. It was really unbelievable, I spent fucking eternities outside my body looking through every past I felt interested at that felt like it could go on for millenniums. And after all that fucking time, I only lasted for three fucking hours….!?

Geez, having a screwed sense of time with a nonexistent body that could do anything…whatever would I do to have it again.

In the entire three hours after I flatlined, Kasen had been visited by the Holy Spirit Herself minutes after, telling her that I need to be isolated and out of sight of any living thing. She had little reason to question Her so she did as told. She dried out all the bloodstains out of my body, undressed me and put me to my room, covering me with a blanket before leaving with the door closed. She wasn't sure what was happening, what was happening to me inside. She did, however, smell a lot of dust in the air.

I likely got reconstructed again with Holy Dust. I watched my two rebirths before, one on my first Sunday and the other when I was sent to Eintei for the first time with Marisa and Flandre in tow. And each one always involved the method God used when he created Adam.

The abomination that brought all that dust in the O.R. brought questions, and suspicion. I can't read her at all, and unlike Yukari's where she blocked me off with her barriers, she's just…completely closed off, the same way a living human cannot read another human's mind. She's nothing but confusion. Why'd she save me and hunt down every other monstrosity that escaped out of my body? Under what motive was she going for? And why?

"You would not believe how it is like to be a dead man, Kasen." I spoke, barely above a whisper due to my weakened state. The entire three days, Visente never left my side, sleeping next to me on the bed while his giant head rested atop my belly. Right now he fell asleep to my head scratching, laying down his head on my lap while I am currently sat up. "The greatest experience I ever had."

"I expected otherwise, Mr. Eman." Kasen remarked, crossing her arms and legs as she sat on a chair beside the bed. "I expected you to be at the near the shores of the Sanzu River, ready to be escorted to the Judge by Komachi."

"The ferryman, I take it?" I've looked over the girl, a complete slacker with a dynamite body. One would wonder how she kept her job despite her lack of willingness to work.

"You caught on quick." Kasen commented with an impressed voice, "I didn't even mention anything of the fact."

Okay, here comes the bombshell. "Do you know…what a Near-Death Experience is?"

I watched as her eyes slowly rose up, intrigue filling her maroon orbs. "You saw your own body?"

I nodded.

"….and you didn't pass on yet?"

I raised an eyebrow in question. What's that supposed to mean?

"What did you see?" She asked, anxious to know as she scooted her chair closer.

I let out a sharp breath, lowering my head a little. I wouldn't tell anybody of information this vital, but after looking over Kasen's backstory, she's the most trustworthy person I found besides Reimu. She has to be. An oni striving to be human? Who else should have the privilege?

"When I looked down at my own body, I saw nothing but a complete stranger. I feel so detached to it that I don't even consider it a part of me. It's like losing a strand of hair and you see how insignificant its loss is compared to the rest on your head." Talking about it even feels off to me. It's so….unnerving, nothing like talking about the numerous times I nearly died.

Kasen remained silent, opting to listen more.

I lightly noted the beauty in the corner that was the white tiger, looking at me curiously. Despite the little lighting in this room, even with the window open, she really sticks out due to her shiny white fur. She's been silent and had been observing me for the last three days, the times when she's not is when she's being fed by Kasen. But after that, she returns to her post in the corner of the room, sitting down or lounging, continually staring at me with beautiful blue eyes.

I turned back to Kasen, "Well, when I was expelled from my body, I was able to see you, Visente and the tiger together. Believe me when I say that…."

I tell her everything, from my ability to feel her emotions, from my newfound millions of senses that allowed me to perceive septillions of things, to the ability to look through anybody's past. She was initially shocked at each stated ability, especially when she heard me talk about the moments she and Reimu were together.

I could practically see her mind exploding like a fucking nuke through her wide eyes when I told a story about her sending Reimu's body and soul down to Avacii just to reseal her arm. I told everything down to the last detail. I remarked upon Tenshi, Komachi, and everything else that happened. I retold what her other arm did, throwing logs and siccing her skeletal victims at the shrine maiden.

It was a sight of definite proof that Reimu, Gensokyo's Number One, is not invincible. She's only Human.

And when I retold the time when she got her arm back, mentioning how she duped her evil self when she snuck that sacred blade in the leaf and had Reimu use it to sever her arm again, her fists were clenched at how accurate it was, she even said 'yes' when I asked for confirmation.

I went as far as to retell the time when she had it on display on the Hakurei Shrine, the onlookers in awe by the fact that a mummified oni hand was moving on its own, scratching and banging at the glass. It was a big haul of profit, as exchange for having Reimu keep quiet about it. I even stated out Tenshi's reason to keep quiet, something Kasen had known too: to avoid causing mistrust on hermits, as a celestial she cannot allow it.

As a final afterword, I told her that watching her share a cup of sake with her arm was a sweet moment of peace.

I was finally finished, and Kasen did nothing but lower her head a little that I can't see her face. I don't know how she feels but it's clear that this knowledge had quite the weight in it, even for a former oni like her.

"Do not worry, Kasen. I will keep it a secret as well." I assured, "No one will know, I will make sure of that."

She raised her head up and stared back at me, "Knowing that you looked into my past, and have breached into my line of thinking, I'm not sure if I feel secure around you anymore."

I lowered my head and nodded, "I understand if you don't feel secure, but believe me when I say this: I will not mention anything. I would rather forget your past, the way you think, and simply be in the moment with the person you are now compared to the persona you once were. What I have not seen with my own two physical eyes, will never be mentioned. What's worth mentioning are the ones I familiarized as a person."

I reached for her bandaged hand and squeezed it gently, "From what I've seen so far from you, you are a righteous, well-meaning mentor who would constantly nag Reimu for her lack of professionalism and unruly behavior as a shrine maiden. And I can see very well that you are a good person: the sooner you see me dying on the floor, you did everything you could to save me, and you were distraught that you can't. The fact that you're staying with me in order to put me back to health speaks volumes of your goodness too. A far cry from your former self. That is the impression I would rather keep of you."

I then let go, "I am not like the Satori, especially the one in the Palace in Old Hell. She lacks all the decency and manners to keep quiet about certain qualities of a person, even when the situation doesn't even demand it." And I sigh, pulling on my strands of hair. "And she wonders why everybody hates her, and not just because she could read minds….." That three-eyed moron just doesn't shut the fuck up. That was the fucking case.

I felt a hand on my head, ruffling it. I turned to the owner, giving me a fond smile, "She'll learn. She'll take your example sooner or later." Then she drew herself closer and hugged my head to her chest, giving me a close-up whiff of roses. Well, this is sudden but okay. I hugged her back, my arms around her waist and squeezed as hard as I could while my full strength is not back to me. "I'm glad you're alive, Mr. Eman."

"It is more than three days since we have familiarized each other, yet you consider us close enough to embrace me like this?" I asked innocently.

"Isn't being glad that you lived enough? Additionally, Reimu will not be distraught for your loss, especially Marisa. I'm glad for them too."

[Hmm…] Good enough. I rubbed her back a little bit before parting. "With the way I am, I don't think I could stand up on my own or feed myself. It seems I will have to burden you for now. I promise I will pay you back."

"Oh don't be." She placed a hand on my shoulder, "Think nothing of it. It's only natural that you have to be taken care of when you cannot help yourself."

"It will leave a bad taste in my mouth if I don't." What could be a good payment for this girl? Hmm…..oh, how 'bout this? "A large batch of dango, how about that?"

Oh, she froze in thought. Looks like she's considering it. She turned her eyes from space and towards me, "I-if it's no trouble for you then…it's okay. Not that you have to, of course…."

"No, no." I patted her hand, "I can bear with it. So, how many you want? 10? 20? With bean paste?"

She smiled meekly, "25 please?"

"Okay." I smiled warmly, "When I get better, then."

"Thank you." She then stood up and headed for the door. Before she passed through it, she turned to me, "Would you like fish or eggs for breakfast?"

"Fish please, along with a bowl of soy sauce and vinegar if you don't mind." I politely requested. Oh, I almost forgot. "Just a small amount of rice for now. My intake isn't normal at the moment."

"Coming up." Then she goes. I'm glad that she knows how to operate Outside World items, considering she ventures Out sometimes, even visit the Outsider girl, Sumireko.

My big boy, Visente, is still sleeping. I bet he's gonna wake up when he smells fish being deliciously fried from the stove. I scratched his cheek and poked his nose with an extra hand.

I turned to the white tiger in the corner: she's still staring at me. The intelligence in her blue eyes could never get any more obvious.

I gave her a little wave, consisting of my fingers waving up and down.

She returned the gesture by pawing the air in my direction.

I let out a weak [Ha!] She only tilted her head cutely for the noise I made.

I like you already, pretty girl. [Welcome to the Family, Makita.] If it weren't for you, Kasen would've never found me. Thanks for that.

---

Makita (Ma-Kee-Tah) = To see; see; seen; to be seen. In some other context, it can sometimes translate as 'to find; to seek' or 'to show'. Fitting for an easy-to-see predator like a white tiger.