"Ok, Masterpiece. I'll be right over after my appointment." "Don't worry, Celestial. It'll be fine," Daddy tried to sound as uplifting as he could. "I'll see you later," I said quickly before hanging up. He was so sure everything would be ok; I however….
What is it like to be a damaged person? Like physically damaged beyond repair? I hope that's not my case. But I have no one else to blame but myself if it is. I'm the one who got in the way of the knife; I'm the one who made a choice. It wasn't me they wanted to stab… I'm the one who got in their way. I probably saved that guy's life, since they were aiming at the chest… I guess that's worth whatever cost it inflicts on me. They didn't stab my chest…. They pieced somewhere else.
"The doctor will see you now, Miss Steele," I had an appointment with the gynecologist at the hospital. I was rushed here half a year ago when something fell out of me… something big and fleshy; I won't get into gross details. I saw down on the medical bench and anxiously waited. The doctor- male- came in; he was not smiling.
After some small talk and questions from him, he stared down at his clipboard for a long time. Eventually he made himself look up at me, reluctantly meeting my gaze. "We've found the reason you haven't had your period in almost a year, Miss Steele; and why you had that discharge last summer," he sounded…. he sounded….. His mouth opened but nothing came out for a second; his eyes had to shift away from mine. "We can help with the discharge but…. after reviewing your x-rays…. Your womb is damaged beyond repair." The next three seconds were some of the hardest in my life. He looked at me with the most sympathetic of stares. "I'm sorry, Miss Steele; you won't be able to have children."
My eyes moved on their own accord as the world me grew deafless. I felt like I was sinking into a white abyss. Empty, bloodless, devoid…. I knew. This only confirmed what I already knew deep down. Funny…. The knife had to hit me in just the exact spot. It was a big, jaded blade; it did a number on me. My lips started to quiver; my body began to tremble uncontrollably. No kids…. I'll never get pregnant or give birth; I'll never be able to give a man children. The Ray family line stops with me…. Tears unconsciously swelled up in the corners of my eyes.
There's no one to blame but myself. I made the choice; I'm fully responsible for it. I chose to run in front of the knife…. And now I have to live with the consequences. Still, it's better than an innocent man dying, but…. Actions have consequences, kids; real life isn't like the movies. If you choose to jump in front of a knife, bullet, car, whatever- that action has consequences you'll have to bear. The man I saved will never thank me or know what I sacrificed for him. But then, I never thought getting stabbed would make me infertile….. I just wanted to save him; that's all that went through my mind at the time. Yes, I had a choice- to either do something or nothing. So I did something, and this is what happened. I'd do it all over again in a second, but man…. A teardrop dripped onto my leg. What a price I have to pay for my choice….
The doctor waited for a minute before breaking the harsh silence. "Are you alright, Miss Steele?" I didn't respond, continuing to stare out into the void in front of me. Yes, the deep, long void in front of me….. "I'll give you some information for our clinic's support group. And I can recommend a couple of therapists we have here." "T-th… thank you," I managed a whisper. His eyes softened upon me; we both expected but didn't want to believe… I remember peering out of the window while he wrote up the stuff for me. There were a few birds fluttering around and playing in the nearby tree. They looked so happy, so free…. What could I give the world now except myself? Whatever I could make and do with my brain and hands? That's all I could give now….. My eyes lowered gently onto the gleeful birds. I guess the world would have to be satisfied with that. The world and I…..